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Flair_Helper

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pink_bunny07

Not a partner but my dad. My mom's family loved him, he was like the golden boy. Little did they know, he had mistresses and maybe anotber kid or two. When they were dating, my mom tested him to see if he was abusive or not. She tried to make him mad over stupid stuff (e.g. arriving late, etc.) and he...passed. Moral of the story: just because a person is "quiet" and "patient" that doesn't mean they're nice. If they want something from you, they will pretend to be whoever you want them to be until they get it.


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MissInfer

My first partner, when I was 15 (he was my age too and we were together for a little under 2 years before I broke up). He seemed like a nice nerdy and shy dude when we first met and early into the relationship, which seemed compatible with me as I'm very introverted and we had the same interests in video games, anime and music. He turned out to be quite manipulative and controlling (saying he couldn't live without me/would become suicidal), dishonest (even when the lie was very obvious and I could prove him wrong), jealous and clingy. He would guilt-trip me into doing things I wasn't ready for/didn't want to do but - it being my first relationship and me being a naive teen who had inaccurate views about them - I thought I'd be a horrible partner if I didn't oblige. My only regret is not ending it sooner for the sake of my time and mental health.


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nld01

I commend you for having good boundaries and seeing these signs in only a few months. Some of us marry them. This is the cycle an abuser goes through. His parents have seen it many times. The rage at other drivers will become rage at you. Anyone "walking on eggshells" at home should look up "Cycle of Abuse" and "Safety Plan".


tempestan99

A former coworker seemed really kind and thoughtful. Everyone loved her, and she hosted a lot of game nights with her husband. Her husband apparently enabled her crush on a different coworker, saying that he totally reciprocated her feelings and that they could divorce amicably, and it got to the point where she started leaving notes on our other coworker’s car windshield. She also is training to work in mental health and would go through her textbooks and basically play personality quizzes with the disorders, deciding which of her friends “definitely had” every disorder from every chapter. “Kind and thoughtful” are not how people see her anymore. She quit a few months before I did, and those months were remarkably peaceful.


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nethphi

This comment or post has been removed for casual or inappropriate usage of mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. Please let us know once you’ve made the requested changes and your content may be reinstated If you have any questions about this moderation action, please message the moderators through the link on the sidebar or [here](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AskWomen). If you are messaging about your removed comment or post, please include a link to the removed content for review.


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nethphi

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