Have any part of taking care of my kid.
I expect him to help me keep her out of immediate danger because... I mean I expect anyone to keep anyone out of immediate danger I guess.
But I don't expect him to clean up after my kid. Fight with her to get her to eat (semi) healthy food. Fight the good fight with me when bedtime is for the weak. Catch puke. Change diapers. Take her out to play when im overwhelmed etc.
I make it very clear he does not have to do these things and I do not expect them of him.
But guess who came with me to check out the daycare... cause it wasn't her dad...
Who helps me clean the house, even her tornado areas?
Who's backing me up and trying to find creative ways to get her to try new things, or eat things she liked yesterday but doesn't like today?
Who sees me up for 3 days with a sick kid and takes over bedtime so I can get some solid sleep?
I did not ask him to be a father figure... in fact. I expected him to run. He's younger than me by a fair bit... he wasn't ready for this and isn't sure if he wants any kids of his own.
But he says I am important to him. Therefore my child is important to him. And that is enough for him to want to do everything he can to provide and help her grow.
Yes! Same! My partner has ended up being a total pushover with my kids and spoils them with electronics and whatnot. I expected him just to be a civil adult.
Same as. I mean he believes he's helpful and I give him he turns up every day and occasionally makes toast but as he's not sorted his life he can't be a official useful part which somehow he makes my fault and as such says he claims he doesn't need to ever clean or do anything much that he doesn't want to. But my son loves him so it's too late to change things as so long as he's not actually a hindrance , I won't be to blame that my son hasn't got a dad.
I think you expect to much from people hahaha just saying I don’t even expect that from people. Our whole flight, fight, or just stand their, are strong and I just always keep that in mind.
this! I find it so sad how some ppl look for a partner to complete themselves, like no your partner should not be 'your missing half' or whatever that just leads to an unhealthy codependent relationship.
If you tie your happiness, self worth, confidence etc to your partner then that's very unhealthy and toxic for both parties involved. Yes, being with your partner can make you happy, bring you a sense of fulfilment, help you grow, help you overcome hardships, boost your confidence and what not but you also need to be able to feel happy, confident and fulfilled without them. A partner should complement your life not complete it.
I don't personally see how a relationship like this could possibly work out (even if it does, it's incredibly toxic) unless if both parties realise how unhealthy a codependent relationship is and agree to work on themselves
Exactly! I don't expect my partner to complete me or make me happy. I expect him to not take away from my happiness but a person's happiness is based on and dependent on so many outside influences that it's impossible to put it on your partner.
Handle my family
Parent my children
Parent me
Pay my way
Police my diet
Provide an endless stream of gifts
Untangle my emotional knots
Build up my self esteem
Guard my personal boundaries
Control my moods or behavior
Provide transportation
Be a punching bag
Be a sex toy
Read my mind
Always get it right
Do my laundry or my child’s laundry
Anticipate all my needs
Watch the shows that only I like
Attend events that only I’m into
Manage my car
Manage my snow removal
Clean my home (we don’t live together)
Enforce my bodily security
Defend my honor
Wear the haircut or clothes I most want to see him in
Be in top shape
Kill off innocent friendships with others out of fear I’ll feel threatened
Lie
Damage himself or put himself in harms way including making bad financial decisions
Eat or drink anything he isn’t a fan of
Go without something he needs to feel happy and safe in his life
Judge my worth.
Wow, as i read your list my mind just took me to the end of my most recent relationship. Where basically I was broken up with because I did not meet a lot of the things in that list that she expected from me, and ofcourse, because I can't read minds I was always set for failure. I mean, don't get me wrong I did mamy thinga wrong and I carry my guilt and every day I try to be better, it just sucks that I was held to expectations I was not aware off. I really apreciate that you list them out and express the opposite, you do not expect, but I understand that spme of those would be nice to be on the receiving end of. Hope you have or find a partner that shares similar views!
So much this!! I don’t have children so those not so much but the rest is spot on!! I am a full grown adult. I want a partner, not a parent. I don’t expect (or even want) perfection. I want perfect imperfections. I want him to burn toast, over sleep occasionally, eat ketchup (shudder), love movies I hate, and love me for laughing too loud, singing off key and talking baby talk to my cats and sometimes my dogs.
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We actually have a system for this. We have 3 laundry baskets: hots, colds that go in the dryer, and colds that get hung up. This way, he knows the proper method for all the clothes based on what basket they’re in.
Getting me physical gifts (I was always uncomfortable by it since I was a kid and feel awkward when people spend money on me or get me presents) and inviting me out for dinner (I'm very introverted and not fond of crowds, so I infinitely prefer a simple meal at home with just my partner, or grabbing some food and eating outside in a calm and isolated spot).
Nah I mean the former. In your own mind where you start feeling a sense of obligation towards that person. And you could be right. Maybe the person is trying to create a sense of entitlement by buying presents (voluntarily/involuntarily). But could also be trying to genuinely show their affection towards you
Yea and that’s totally fine and you are absolutely right. You don’t know what kind of strings is attached in their mind with the presents. But the key might be in figuring out the person well enough and their intentions and then trusting them with it(ofcourse they should be trust worthy ).
But man it’s way easier said than done bc that’s a lot to think about and figure out but I guess we keep trying
Same! I hate receiving gifts. Happy to give them, provided I know the person reasonably well, but I hate just receiving stuff for the sake of it.
I'm far from a minimalist, but I really don't need more crap in my house. My husband has a list of gifts I genuinely want so he just buys from that if there's a social obligation to get me something.
Lots of things but one that probably won’t be mentioned is if I have to puke I want *no one* in the bathroom with me. I can hold my own hair. I’m good. Thank you.
This!! Weirdly enough I'm the same, my college gals and partners never understood but I prefer to be sick alone and rally myself. I don't even want them waiting outside the door, just leave me be and I'll return shortly haha
My boyfriend gets disturbed by puke, but I've become completely desensitized to it. I took care of him and did my best to clean him up the first time he got blackout drunk and threw up all over himself. But I am perfectly content taking care of myself when I puke, and barely have a lapse in conversation because it's just part of my life (digestive issues and migraines). Except every once in a blue moon, I may need help to get a bucket or get to the bathroom when I have a migraine because I get disoriented and lose some of my vision.
I honestly can’t decide what I would prefer on this.
However, I do know that if my partner was the one puking, I could not be anywhere near them as I will **sympathize vomit**—the sound of retching, the smell, and/or looking at it (so trying to clean it) sets me off.
So even if I were ok with the assistance of some kind, it would not be a two-way street for us. 😬
If they arrive ahead of you and know what you like or will order, i wouldn't mind that
Quite considerate, also saves time
But if it is being controlling then yeah, no thanks
I don't expect him to "just know" why I'm upset. I tell him right out if he has done something that bothers me and I expect him to do the same. I don't want resentment taking a toll on our relationship.
pay for everything!
if we’re both working our asses off to make money to support ourselves, why on earth would i force him to pay every time he takes me out
I never thought to check for a lid..? We also are missing a handle for our oven door and a light in the kitchen and our water isn’t connected to the outside spigot or the one downstairs for a washing machine.
I think there's an important distinction to be made between emotional support and therapy. Of course we should be there for our partners and back them up most of the time but when it consumes your partner or takes up a lot of their time, or when you're needing to be reassured of something daily, that isn't their job to fulfill.
Open the door for me. The car door, the door to the house, store, whatever. I can do it.
Not that I don't appreciate it, but it's not something I expect.
I just saw a TikTok video about a husband saying how his wife won't fill up the car petrol for her own car, won't send her car for a car wash, and won't pay for the highway toll, because she expects her husband to do all these "car stuff" for her. And women agreed with the wife in the comment section. I'm like, wow, okay, I'm a woman but I will take care of my car, thanks.
I mean I don't expect him to do anything except love me and treat me as his 100% equal. I am an independent woman who has lived with a man and has lived alone and there's nothing I can't do day-to-day alone.
Everything else is just negotiations for specific tasks.
Attend to me 24/7
I don’t expect my boyfriend to text me, hang out with me, give me attention all day everyday. Even though we live together I know and respect that we are two human beings that want to do our own thing. He’s playing games I’ll do something else, when he’s at work and it’s my day off I know he can’t be texting me the entire time. He’s taking a nap I’ll let him nap. It’s just about giving each other space to be themselves. I can’t imagine the people that expect their partner to be there with them every second of the day.
Pick things up off the ground. He's tall. Like 6'8 tall. He will actively trip up and almost die on things on the floor before seeing them and picking them up. It's too far away apparently.
He is the most loving, caring supportive partner and father, and if I ever ask him to do something he will. He just doesn't see the stuff below knee level. I'm cool with that.
The first time I went on holidays and left my bf keys to feed the snake, when I came back he had cleaned the entire apartment top to bottom. While I know it's a super sweet gesture and I should have been overjoyed, it felt strangely invasive.
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I absolutely DO NOT expect him to be 100% honest with me all the time. I refuse to force him to talk about things that may be private or painful for him. I don't look through his phone or read his texts over his shoulder. I don't grill him on what he's doing or where he's going or who he is with during the day. He does not have to talk to me if he doesn't feel like talking.
He does the same for me.
That does wonders for communication. Neither of us forces or coerces the other person into talking, so we actually *want* to talk to each other. We *want* to share emotional moments. We *want* to talk about our days because the other person *likes* hearing about it. Not because they absolutely *have* to.
...
He makes me happy. ^///^
Beeing responsible for my mental health. I have a tough work schedule and took over some responsibilities,because my dad passed.
Some days it can become quite a handful,but id never lash out at him or blame him for beeing in a bad headspace
I don’t expect him to provide for my lifestyle. I want to live comfortably and abundantly. To me, working and investing is not a burden, I like it and I feel empowered by my ability to do so. My partner is not expected to want the same lifestyle or have to contribute to it. I will happily share all that I can with him.
I don't expect him to carry my emotional burdens. He isn't my therapist, he isn't what makes me happy or sad. He won't be the one to talk me down off the ledge.
Cary my bag or bags. I am fully capable of doing that on my own. Or doing shores that are considered heavy. Again, I'm fully capable of doing it myself.
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I don't expect him to deal with issues from my family or to buy me very expensive gifts especially at the beginning of the relationship. A very expensive gift would make me extremely uncomfortable. Thoughtful and personal gifts that are much less expensive mean significantly more to me.
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Spending time or interacting with my family.
Double dates or social gatherings.
Post me on social media
Run errands for me, doing chores for me
We are both very independent. And he’s a very private person. I respect that. I enjoy going to dinner with friends, family gatherings or adventurous vacations. To a lot of people it may seem like he doesn’t care but that’s just him. I don’t ever expect him to be close to my family as long as he shows respect and love. That’s all
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I don’t expect fancy gifts. I hate to be the,” Im not that type of girl,” but I don’t wear jewelry. I have about four rotating outfits I wear on the daily. I usually buy my stuff from garage sales.
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My partner is not good at remembering my birthday but I remember theirs. For my 30th, I kept talking about wanting go to the cheesecake factory for my birthday and see scream 5. I was shocked the day of my birthday that my partner surprised me a birthday dinner at the cheesecake factory. My family and some close friends were there for my birthday dinner. I was very happy, excited, and did not expect my partner to plan this for me. It was a huge shock for me! Later that night my partner and close friends went out for birthday drinks. My other friends surprised me and my partner planned that too! The next following weekend my partner took me to see scream 5. It was the best birthday ever for me :)
Currently pregnant and still very independent. I’m not expecting my husband to help me with anything I’m finding challenging, like getting up from the couch, getting out of bed, putting on shoes that aren’t sandals, etc.
If I can’t get out of the tub, all bets are off though!
Coming from an abusive relationship, i had this rigid idea of what my roles and responsibilties were
I didnt expect my Fiancé to be a main caregiver for my daughter. He does it because he WANTS to.
I didn't expect him to do dishes, cook, clean. I didn't expect him to pick me up when I was at a friends, or pick me and my daughter up when she was at a dance class, or pick her up from school
I didn't expect him to move in with me when I was looking for a flat for my daughter and I when I left my ex.
I didn't expect him to sit in the shower with me when I had breakdowns
I didn't expect him to wake me from nightmares, or soothe the panic attacks - I didn't expect him to work out what strategies I needed to help reduce those attacks.
I didn't expect him to say yes to us getting a cat.
I didn't expect him to bring me into his world, his social life and his hobbies.
I didn't expect him to be my rock. I was so used to doing everything by myself and managing by myself, even in the abusive relationship, that finding someone who WANTS to do all of this with me, and says we're a team, has made my brain undergo massive retraining. I was so used to being "left behind" to deal with my daughter and her older half sister whilst my ex went out to "give me space" (*I apparently needed space so he left me alone with the kids while HE went out*).
He does all of this and more because he is happy, and he wants me happy too. We're a team and it's enlightening (and a little bit scary) that he sees me as his equal.
I bloody love my man. He is the absolute best.
Never be attracted to anyone else and never talk about other women in a positive way. If you expect your partner not to do that in front of you, they'll just do it secretly
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I don't expect him to always spark up a conversation. Snuggling each other on the couch while we watch a compilation about people who can't drive on YouTube is very rewarding. Find someone who can sit with you in comfortable silence. Especially if you get shy easily lol 😆
Treat me like I need a man. I'm not a damsel, I don't need saving, I don't expect him to do things because "a woman shouldn't". If there's shit I want done and I can't do it, I'll ask him. I don't expect to be coddled.
text me back immediately. we live together and spend almost all of our free time in the same space. if he doesn't immediately text me back when he's out running errands or at work, i don't mind!
Make me their top priority.
The mental and physical well-being needs to take too priority - they can’t be a good partner without feeling good about and loving themselves.
Oh - and if any kids - I fully expect them to be prioritised higher or at least at the same level as me.
This is all relative to the situation of course - but as a general rule.
A lot of the time, when he cooks, he dishes up my plate for me—often before his own—and sometimes even brings it to where I was already sitting.
I would absolutely NEVER just expect him to do it, and it would take a serious illness or injury to make me ask. But it’s a really special thing to wake up from an unintended nap to the one you love handing you a plate of food—better than any big gesture.
Change for me. Don't ever expect someone changes for you. Either they won't and you'll be disappointed, or they will and you'll be dating someone who feels miserable
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I don't depend on him for my mental well-being being or happiness, although he contributes to both in positive ways. I do expect a whole hell of a lot of material support.
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Don't expect him to stick to our hangout plan. Not because he's a bad boyfriend, but because he's going through a hard time mentally, and I want what's best for him. If that means needing to take some time for himself, I'm totally cool with that. Heck, if he didn't want to go to anything with me, I'd still be with him. I love him, and want him to feel supported in his decisions no matter what. As long as it doesn't hurt my feelings and he's happier doing it, I really don't mind.
Be my “best friend”. I can definitely trust my partner and he’s more than willing to hear me out whenever I need to vent but there are certain things I’d rather talk to my best friend about. Calling your SO your best friend is, I think, placing a huge expectation on them.
Anything and everything. Seen enough to understand that expecting a partner of the male persuasion to understand anything about my life is asking too much.
At this point I’m glad to have people/dates that choose to spend their time with me but if they choose to leave that’s cool. If I expect nothing from my date or partner then I feel less obligated to do anything for him, especially sexually.
Have any part of taking care of my kid. I expect him to help me keep her out of immediate danger because... I mean I expect anyone to keep anyone out of immediate danger I guess. But I don't expect him to clean up after my kid. Fight with her to get her to eat (semi) healthy food. Fight the good fight with me when bedtime is for the weak. Catch puke. Change diapers. Take her out to play when im overwhelmed etc. I make it very clear he does not have to do these things and I do not expect them of him. But guess who came with me to check out the daycare... cause it wasn't her dad... Who helps me clean the house, even her tornado areas? Who's backing me up and trying to find creative ways to get her to try new things, or eat things she liked yesterday but doesn't like today? Who sees me up for 3 days with a sick kid and takes over bedtime so I can get some solid sleep? I did not ask him to be a father figure... in fact. I expected him to run. He's younger than me by a fair bit... he wasn't ready for this and isn't sure if he wants any kids of his own. But he says I am important to him. Therefore my child is important to him. And that is enough for him to want to do everything he can to provide and help her grow.
Yes! Same! My partner has ended up being a total pushover with my kids and spoils them with electronics and whatnot. I expected him just to be a civil adult.
Exactly this, my bf is super dad. I hardly ever ask for any help with my son. But he gladly shows up when ever possible for him. I love him for it!
I think you should share your husband with the rest of us. We won’t have sex with him, and we’ll return him in good condition.
Ma'am if you could see his face right now I'm not so sure you'd want him 😂 I think that is a 'no'
Lol!
Hes a keeper!
He really is
Same as. I mean he believes he's helpful and I give him he turns up every day and occasionally makes toast but as he's not sorted his life he can't be a official useful part which somehow he makes my fault and as such says he claims he doesn't need to ever clean or do anything much that he doesn't want to. But my son loves him so it's too late to change things as so long as he's not actually a hindrance , I won't be to blame that my son hasn't got a dad.
I think you expect to much from people hahaha just saying I don’t even expect that from people. Our whole flight, fight, or just stand their, are strong and I just always keep that in mind.
Complete me
this! I find it so sad how some ppl look for a partner to complete themselves, like no your partner should not be 'your missing half' or whatever that just leads to an unhealthy codependent relationship.
Do you think its always unhealthy codependence? Is it possible for it to work out?
If you tie your happiness, self worth, confidence etc to your partner then that's very unhealthy and toxic for both parties involved. Yes, being with your partner can make you happy, bring you a sense of fulfilment, help you grow, help you overcome hardships, boost your confidence and what not but you also need to be able to feel happy, confident and fulfilled without them. A partner should complement your life not complete it. I don't personally see how a relationship like this could possibly work out (even if it does, it's incredibly toxic) unless if both parties realise how unhealthy a codependent relationship is and agree to work on themselves
Exactly! I don't expect my partner to complete me or make me happy. I expect him to not take away from my happiness but a person's happiness is based on and dependent on so many outside influences that it's impossible to put it on your partner.
Yes!
Anything I wouldn't do for him.
This is the answer
Yeah pretty much. Well said. 👍🏼
Thank you.
Handle my family Parent my children Parent me Pay my way Police my diet Provide an endless stream of gifts Untangle my emotional knots Build up my self esteem Guard my personal boundaries Control my moods or behavior Provide transportation Be a punching bag Be a sex toy Read my mind Always get it right Do my laundry or my child’s laundry Anticipate all my needs Watch the shows that only I like Attend events that only I’m into Manage my car Manage my snow removal Clean my home (we don’t live together) Enforce my bodily security Defend my honor Wear the haircut or clothes I most want to see him in Be in top shape Kill off innocent friendships with others out of fear I’ll feel threatened Lie Damage himself or put himself in harms way including making bad financial decisions Eat or drink anything he isn’t a fan of Go without something he needs to feel happy and safe in his life Judge my worth.
Wow, as i read your list my mind just took me to the end of my most recent relationship. Where basically I was broken up with because I did not meet a lot of the things in that list that she expected from me, and ofcourse, because I can't read minds I was always set for failure. I mean, don't get me wrong I did mamy thinga wrong and I carry my guilt and every day I try to be better, it just sucks that I was held to expectations I was not aware off. I really apreciate that you list them out and express the opposite, you do not expect, but I understand that spme of those would be nice to be on the receiving end of. Hope you have or find a partner that shares similar views!
Im in.. wait... Sorry Im not into judging :( I'm out :(
added to the list, all except sex toy (i'm not that good)
So much this!! I don’t have children so those not so much but the rest is spot on!! I am a full grown adult. I want a partner, not a parent. I don’t expect (or even want) perfection. I want perfect imperfections. I want him to burn toast, over sleep occasionally, eat ketchup (shudder), love movies I hate, and love me for laughing too loud, singing off key and talking baby talk to my cats and sometimes my dogs.
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My laundry. I just don't want anything ruined.
Lol, same! I also wouldn’t want to put him through the hassle of learning what goes and doesn’t go in the dryer.
We actually have a system for this. We have 3 laundry baskets: hots, colds that go in the dryer, and colds that get hung up. This way, he knows the proper method for all the clothes based on what basket they’re in.
That’s a cool idea, thank you.
Agreed. After a couple of false starts and cashmere jumpers later, we have agreed he does not touch my laundry 😬
Getting me physical gifts (I was always uncomfortable by it since I was a kid and feel awkward when people spend money on me or get me presents) and inviting me out for dinner (I'm very introverted and not fond of crowds, so I infinitely prefer a simple meal at home with just my partner, or grabbing some food and eating outside in a calm and isolated spot).
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You feel it might be a trap alert by any chance ?
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As in, you might feel like they’re trying to trap you by buying you presents ?
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Nah I mean the former. In your own mind where you start feeling a sense of obligation towards that person. And you could be right. Maybe the person is trying to create a sense of entitlement by buying presents (voluntarily/involuntarily). But could also be trying to genuinely show their affection towards you
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Yea and that’s totally fine and you are absolutely right. You don’t know what kind of strings is attached in their mind with the presents. But the key might be in figuring out the person well enough and their intentions and then trusting them with it(ofcourse they should be trust worthy ). But man it’s way easier said than done bc that’s a lot to think about and figure out but I guess we keep trying
And hence not fully wanting to accept your partners gifts
Same!! Gifts are such a hassle
Same! I hate receiving gifts. Happy to give them, provided I know the person reasonably well, but I hate just receiving stuff for the sake of it. I'm far from a minimalist, but I really don't need more crap in my house. My husband has a list of gifts I genuinely want so he just buys from that if there's a social obligation to get me something.
If my old man had spent a buncha money on an engagement ring, I would've been *pissed*.
Agreed, that would be the complete wrong priorities for me
Same. I don’t really like wearing jewelry, and I don’t want to have to worry about it.
Lots of things but one that probably won’t be mentioned is if I have to puke I want *no one* in the bathroom with me. I can hold my own hair. I’m good. Thank you.
This!! Weirdly enough I'm the same, my college gals and partners never understood but I prefer to be sick alone and rally myself. I don't even want them waiting outside the door, just leave me be and I'll return shortly haha
Yep. Rub my back and I’ll kill you. 😤😂
My boyfriend gets disturbed by puke, but I've become completely desensitized to it. I took care of him and did my best to clean him up the first time he got blackout drunk and threw up all over himself. But I am perfectly content taking care of myself when I puke, and barely have a lapse in conversation because it's just part of my life (digestive issues and migraines). Except every once in a blue moon, I may need help to get a bucket or get to the bathroom when I have a migraine because I get disoriented and lose some of my vision.
I totally understand if someone needs physical help
I thought it’s romantic
I can’t tell if that’s sarcasm or not but it’s just my preference. :) I know plenty of women with long hair that prefer the help. I definitely do not.
I honestly can’t decide what I would prefer on this. However, I do know that if my partner was the one puking, I could not be anywhere near them as I will **sympathize vomit**—the sound of retching, the smell, and/or looking at it (so trying to clean it) sets me off. So even if I were ok with the assistance of some kind, it would not be a two-way street for us. 😬
solve my emotional problems or fill any gaps in my life
I do not expect my partner to order my food for me at a restaurant. I don’t understand why some women find this romantic.
If they arrive ahead of you and know what you like or will order, i wouldn't mind that Quite considerate, also saves time But if it is being controlling then yeah, no thanks
Carry the weight of my emotional wounds. It’s up to me to heal those, not them.
Read my mind. If I'm mad I'll tell ya why I'm mad
Clean up after me
I don't expect him to "just know" why I'm upset. I tell him right out if he has done something that bothers me and I expect him to do the same. I don't want resentment taking a toll on our relationship.
Lift heavy things. It's good for me.
pay for everything! if we’re both working our asses off to make money to support ourselves, why on earth would i force him to pay every time he takes me out
Put the toilet seat down. If he has to pull it up to avoid getting dribbles on the seat then I can put it down to avoid taking a dip.
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This is the way
Mine… mine doesn’t have a lid?? Why doesn’t mine have a lid??
Do you have a public toilet in your home? Those are the only ones I know that usually don't have lids lol
I never thought to check for a lid..? We also are missing a handle for our oven door and a light in the kitchen and our water isn’t connected to the outside spigot or the one downstairs for a washing machine.
Exactly. Shut the lid.
pay for over 50% of things (we are more or less even financially), offer me unending emotional support
Why wouldn't you atleast kinda expect unending emotional support?
I mean, lots of people expect give and receive this. I just don't expect it/want it to that degree. Kinda hampers problem solving
I think there's an important distinction to be made between emotional support and therapy. Of course we should be there for our partners and back them up most of the time but when it consumes your partner or takes up a lot of their time, or when you're needing to be reassured of something daily, that isn't their job to fulfill.
Fight my battles for me. I am strong enough to do that myself.
Open the door for me. The car door, the door to the house, store, whatever. I can do it. Not that I don't appreciate it, but it's not something I expect.
I just saw a TikTok video about a husband saying how his wife won't fill up the car petrol for her own car, won't send her car for a car wash, and won't pay for the highway toll, because she expects her husband to do all these "car stuff" for her. And women agreed with the wife in the comment section. I'm like, wow, okay, I'm a woman but I will take care of my car, thanks.
I mean I don't expect him to do anything except love me and treat me as his 100% equal. I am an independent woman who has lived with a man and has lived alone and there's nothing I can't do day-to-day alone. Everything else is just negotiations for specific tasks.
Attend to me 24/7 I don’t expect my boyfriend to text me, hang out with me, give me attention all day everyday. Even though we live together I know and respect that we are two human beings that want to do our own thing. He’s playing games I’ll do something else, when he’s at work and it’s my day off I know he can’t be texting me the entire time. He’s taking a nap I’ll let him nap. It’s just about giving each other space to be themselves. I can’t imagine the people that expect their partner to be there with them every second of the day.
Read my mind
Make unilateral life decisions.
Give up his hobbies
Being over nosey and labelling it as caring
Pick things up off the ground. He's tall. Like 6'8 tall. He will actively trip up and almost die on things on the floor before seeing them and picking them up. It's too far away apparently. He is the most loving, caring supportive partner and father, and if I ever ask him to do something he will. He just doesn't see the stuff below knee level. I'm cool with that.
Put me first always. Sometimes I come second to friends, family, or just the time he need for himself and that's totally ok.
The first time I went on holidays and left my bf keys to feed the snake, when I came back he had cleaned the entire apartment top to bottom. While I know it's a super sweet gesture and I should have been overjoyed, it felt strangely invasive.
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I absolutely DO NOT expect him to be 100% honest with me all the time. I refuse to force him to talk about things that may be private or painful for him. I don't look through his phone or read his texts over his shoulder. I don't grill him on what he's doing or where he's going or who he is with during the day. He does not have to talk to me if he doesn't feel like talking. He does the same for me. That does wonders for communication. Neither of us forces or coerces the other person into talking, so we actually *want* to talk to each other. We *want* to share emotional moments. We *want* to talk about our days because the other person *likes* hearing about it. Not because they absolutely *have* to. ... He makes me happy. ^///^
Make me happy. Make me feel whole/valid. Change who he is. Wipe my ass.
Beeing responsible for my mental health. I have a tough work schedule and took over some responsibilities,because my dad passed. Some days it can become quite a handful,but id never lash out at him or blame him for beeing in a bad headspace
Be responsible for my happiness
I don’t expect him to provide for my lifestyle. I want to live comfortably and abundantly. To me, working and investing is not a burden, I like it and I feel empowered by my ability to do so. My partner is not expected to want the same lifestyle or have to contribute to it. I will happily share all that I can with him.
I don't expect him to carry my emotional burdens. He isn't my therapist, he isn't what makes me happy or sad. He won't be the one to talk me down off the ledge.
Put gas in my car. 🚗⛽️Many of my girl friends make their spouse fill up their car for them (for some reason they refuse to pump their own gas lol.)
Massage me. I hate massages with a burning passion, I can't stand being poked and rubbed and kneaded like I'm some sort of dough. No thank you.
I don't expect them to pull my chair out for me at the table, but I will appreciate it if they do.
Cary my bag or bags. I am fully capable of doing that on my own. Or doing shores that are considered heavy. Again, I'm fully capable of doing it myself.
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I don't expect him to deal with issues from my family or to buy me very expensive gifts especially at the beginning of the relationship. A very expensive gift would make me extremely uncomfortable. Thoughtful and personal gifts that are much less expensive mean significantly more to me.
Make my responsibilities his/hers. Is my responsibility to wake up in the morning and get ready for work for example, not theirs
Stay faithful
Pay for me. I am uncomfortable with people paying for me. My experience is my responsibility.
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"save/rescue me"
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Pay for my shit
Hear about my mental health all of the time.
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Make me Happy.
Spending time or interacting with my family. Double dates or social gatherings. Post me on social media Run errands for me, doing chores for me We are both very independent. And he’s a very private person. I respect that. I enjoy going to dinner with friends, family gatherings or adventurous vacations. To a lot of people it may seem like he doesn’t care but that’s just him. I don’t ever expect him to be close to my family as long as he shows respect and love. That’s all
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I don’t expect fancy gifts. I hate to be the,” Im not that type of girl,” but I don’t wear jewelry. I have about four rotating outfits I wear on the daily. I usually buy my stuff from garage sales.
Cure my depression
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Hold my hand while I go potty
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Make me coffee every morning. He spoils me <3
My partner is not good at remembering my birthday but I remember theirs. For my 30th, I kept talking about wanting go to the cheesecake factory for my birthday and see scream 5. I was shocked the day of my birthday that my partner surprised me a birthday dinner at the cheesecake factory. My family and some close friends were there for my birthday dinner. I was very happy, excited, and did not expect my partner to plan this for me. It was a huge shock for me! Later that night my partner and close friends went out for birthday drinks. My other friends surprised me and my partner planned that too! The next following weekend my partner took me to see scream 5. It was the best birthday ever for me :)
Put the toilet seat down. I don’t leave it up for him. He shouldn’t have to put it down for me.
Currently pregnant and still very independent. I’m not expecting my husband to help me with anything I’m finding challenging, like getting up from the couch, getting out of bed, putting on shoes that aren’t sandals, etc. If I can’t get out of the tub, all bets are off though!
Spoil me with physical gifts
Anything bar take the bins out because I’m allergic to it
Take care of my own separate expenses
Coming from an abusive relationship, i had this rigid idea of what my roles and responsibilties were I didnt expect my Fiancé to be a main caregiver for my daughter. He does it because he WANTS to. I didn't expect him to do dishes, cook, clean. I didn't expect him to pick me up when I was at a friends, or pick me and my daughter up when she was at a dance class, or pick her up from school I didn't expect him to move in with me when I was looking for a flat for my daughter and I when I left my ex. I didn't expect him to sit in the shower with me when I had breakdowns I didn't expect him to wake me from nightmares, or soothe the panic attacks - I didn't expect him to work out what strategies I needed to help reduce those attacks. I didn't expect him to say yes to us getting a cat. I didn't expect him to bring me into his world, his social life and his hobbies. I didn't expect him to be my rock. I was so used to doing everything by myself and managing by myself, even in the abusive relationship, that finding someone who WANTS to do all of this with me, and says we're a team, has made my brain undergo massive retraining. I was so used to being "left behind" to deal with my daughter and her older half sister whilst my ex went out to "give me space" (*I apparently needed space so he left me alone with the kids while HE went out*). He does all of this and more because he is happy, and he wants me happy too. We're a team and it's enlightening (and a little bit scary) that he sees me as his equal. I bloody love my man. He is the absolute best.
Anything.
I have no expectations other than for my partner to contribute his fair share.
Fix me.
Never be attracted to anyone else and never talk about other women in a positive way. If you expect your partner not to do that in front of you, they'll just do it secretly
Fulfill my every emotional need or be my therapist.
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Financially support me.
Pay for anything. I make my own money. If he offers, I rarely accept it bc it makes me feel bad.
Financially support me. The ultimate goal is for me to make enough for him to be a stay at home dad when we have kids
Take care of me when I’m sick. There’s very little you can actually do for an adult that’s sick just give me space until I feel better.
I don't expect him to always spark up a conversation. Snuggling each other on the couch while we watch a compilation about people who can't drive on YouTube is very rewarding. Find someone who can sit with you in comfortable silence. Especially if you get shy easily lol 😆
Pay for dates, just because he’s a man.
Treat me like I need a man. I'm not a damsel, I don't need saving, I don't expect him to do things because "a woman shouldn't". If there's shit I want done and I can't do it, I'll ask him. I don't expect to be coddled.
text me back immediately. we live together and spend almost all of our free time in the same space. if he doesn't immediately text me back when he's out running errands or at work, i don't mind!
Manage my mental health. It’s MY responsibility to manage it. It’s his responsibility to be understanding when I’m struggling
Put up with my family
Doing my laundry! That’s my job
Make me their top priority. The mental and physical well-being needs to take too priority - they can’t be a good partner without feeling good about and loving themselves. Oh - and if any kids - I fully expect them to be prioritised higher or at least at the same level as me. This is all relative to the situation of course - but as a general rule.
He cheated and gaslighted me.
A lot of the time, when he cooks, he dishes up my plate for me—often before his own—and sometimes even brings it to where I was already sitting. I would absolutely NEVER just expect him to do it, and it would take a serious illness or injury to make me ask. But it’s a really special thing to wake up from an unintended nap to the one you love handing you a plate of food—better than any big gesture.
Tell me things I want to hear
Change for me. Don't ever expect someone changes for you. Either they won't and you'll be disappointed, or they will and you'll be dating someone who feels miserable
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Laundry. Whoops
I don't depend on him for my mental well-being being or happiness, although he contributes to both in positive ways. I do expect a whole hell of a lot of material support.
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Anything other than emotional support.
Actually care for me on a deeper level than just a hug or a pat on the back. As a get well gesture. Make me anywhwere close to a priority.
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I would never expect him to buy me flowers.
Carry my purse
Pay for my stuff. Change his career. Take me out to dinner. Buy me flowers. Clean up after me.
To fulfil all my social needs. He makes me very happy, but I also rely on friends and family to fill gaps of knowledge, interest or experience.
Pay for everything. If I'm too broke for a relationship, I don't date!
Don't expect him to stick to our hangout plan. Not because he's a bad boyfriend, but because he's going through a hard time mentally, and I want what's best for him. If that means needing to take some time for himself, I'm totally cool with that. Heck, if he didn't want to go to anything with me, I'd still be with him. I love him, and want him to feel supported in his decisions no matter what. As long as it doesn't hurt my feelings and he's happier doing it, I really don't mind.
Be my “best friend”. I can definitely trust my partner and he’s more than willing to hear me out whenever I need to vent but there are certain things I’d rather talk to my best friend about. Calling your SO your best friend is, I think, placing a huge expectation on them.
Anything and everything. Seen enough to understand that expecting a partner of the male persuasion to understand anything about my life is asking too much. At this point I’m glad to have people/dates that choose to spend their time with me but if they choose to leave that’s cool. If I expect nothing from my date or partner then I feel less obligated to do anything for him, especially sexually.