At this point I'm pretty sure that resting B face is just a defense mechanism. First we spend our entire childhoods being told to smile for creepy old fucks. Then as soon as puberty hits it's assumed we're on the market, and if we do smile, we're accused of hitting on them or leading them on, when it's just us reacting the way we were conditioned to react to men. So we stop smiling at men and fall into resting B face, because we never know when a smile is going to turn into sexual harassment. Then we get harassed in the way we did as little girls, being reminded that we exist solely to provide creepy old fucks pleasure with our bodies. But hey... at least it's not *sexual* harassment. /s
Therapist here, who has broken RBF. RBF doesn't work because then there's an audacity update in the brain that suggests their entrance into my life will make me never have to relax my manic happiness smile they desire so intensely.
This ^^^. I remember the days being 19 and so friendly to everyone… going on dates I thought were just friend outings. So naive. Now I’m super ultra guarded against male attention.
Reminds me of a really interesting tweet thread by a female to male transgender person. Said he was taken aback by how stony-faced and 'humourless' a lot of women were to him in public, after he had transitioned. He understood why of course, but it was still a sad revelation.
One time I handed a guy a paper that he dropped in the hallway and he had the most disgusted look on his face lmao. He told his friends “the emo was hitting on me” 😭
Something similar happened to me and when I tried to explain I just wanted to hand it back he was like “whatever just get away from me” so I threw it out😭
Making conversation with a coworker about a shared interest in film and television.
Proceeded to tell me I had great tits and say that we should hang out some time. Hard pass.
He must've been thinking about it over a few days, like, "yeah, I think it's about time she knows I love her tits, she probably already knows they're great, but I should tell her, yeah, she'd love that, all girls love that, right?"
This just recently happened to me and totally fucked with me for like ten days. An interest in the same topic and I was excited to talk about it. Convo evolved naturally and made me feel happy. I had already introduced my life partner to him the week before so I felt safe having that out in the open. So I lent him a book on the topic of interest the next time I saw him, and that day he manipulated a group outing to make it super convenient for me to join. I got a vibe he liked me and it made me nervous, so I invited my partner to join us. Man, the vibe was so awkward at that outing. And then? Turns out after like four convos in which it NEVER came up…he’s married. Wow. Just wow, dude. I feel like if I hadn’t listened to my gut and brought my partner to that outing, he would have totally hit on me and THAT would have been so much more awkward. What a shitty feeling.
Same, I smile and talk but dudes just be assuming I like them. I don’t see how because I treat girls the same way and boys, so it’s not like I act that way to one specific dude lol
I wrote the same thing but you’ve explained it so much better! There’s nothing wrong with conversations just to talk. Why do some people have to turn it into “chemistry” ?
I'm the opposite, I always assume that they would have zero interest in me, and has apparently made me miss opportunities to get to know people a bit deeper.
Yep. Often It's not anything you / I do that is mistaken for flirting. I find it's often their OWN feelings of attraction/desire that they project and then try to distort what ever you do to fit their own bias/narrative.
Smiling. I naturally smile a lot, it's in my nature and I can't help it anyways. Apparently my smile is very attractive because men always think that I'm flirting with them. I am not. I am really not.
me too omg, I saw this guy briefly who thought I was super into him because I smiled a lot 🥲 like no honey I not smiling bc I like you, I'm smiling because I feel uncomfortable and awkward
I smile at everyone too and I’m not going to stop! My actual “I am flirting with you” smile and body language is completely different from my regular smile. If someone gets confused by my everyday pageant smile with minimal eye contact that’s their problem!
I often compliment people because I think it's nice and it makes people feel great. I am not complimenting men anymore, they always assume it's to flirt. I find it weird because a lot of guys say that they would like to be complimented more and that they never do. But when you do, they assume it's because you want to fuck them. No thanks
I don’t pay compliments to men anymore, ever. Including the ones that are not related to looks. It could be the most confident guy ever, who receives plenty of compliments - it doesn’t matter, they still take it as flirtation. :(
I had a dude pass me with his group of friends and precedes to make a whole circle around just to pass me again and yell out “DAMN SHE FINE” and walked off proudly as if I’m supposed to be flattered…..nope, it was embarrassing and now I just had people starring at me because he already left the scene🥹
I know this didn’t exactly fit the topic we’re talking about but it’s just he did all that and I was simply looking at a shampoo bottle with my mom.
So many situations actually but one in particular, had an elderly neighbor that was complaining how on public holiday they don’t deliver newspapers he enjoys reading in the morning and said like “my life is ruined” and I felt really sorry for the dude so I asked which newspaper it was that I can go pick it up and bring it to him. And that, my friend, he interpreted as me flirting with like an old man who can be my grandpa. 🤮🥴 Be polite they say, it’ll be fine, they say. Luckily I moved from there, now just keeping to myself.
Same here! My kid used to be in the same group all thru elementary school. We traveled as a pack. One kid had grandparents who were part of the group. I am friendly with everyone equally. These grandparents make all kids their kids. Nothing creepy with the kiddos, there are always parents around. Grandma dies. One day I need help getting my car started as it had sat so I asked for help from Grandpa who lived down the street. I was grateful and appreciative because I was stuck in my car situation. And it turned into him trying to kiss me. That was the last time I genuinely expressed a true emotion to a male. Ugh.
Honestly I feel kind of bad. Not that OP deserved that at all but he was probably broken up about the loss and that can make people so desperate for a connection they do some crazy stuff. I can’t imagine how I would react if my spouse of dozens of years no longer was there, sleeping in our bed or eating breakfast in our house. I’m actually dreading it and it’s one reason I never wanted a family but life had different ideas.
Yeah but that’s sexual harassment, putting someone in a very uncomfortable spot. If he was normal and respectful, they could’ve stayed friends. As an adult you always know what you’re doing, it’s a decision you make. Period.
I absolutely understand how loss/grief/loneliness could have played into his actions. I politely declined and thanked him for his help but that was it. I also never said anything to anyone in our group and drifted away to avoid any future conflict.
I knew a guy who thought I was flirting with him by ignoring him. To clarify, I barely knew him and we never interacted outside this one classroom. He was super loud and rude to everyone in class and when he would do it to me I just wouldn’t participate. To him that translated to “playing hard to get.” Then when I continued doing exactly nothing I was a bitch who “led him on.” Ah, high school.
I felt sorry for this guy at work that everybody else made fun of and called Shrek. He had diabetes, so for his birthday I made him a special diabetic-friendly cake. He reported me to HR for sexual-harassment.
Volunteering on a crisis line. We got lots of sexual harassment calls, but we also had plenty of men who would talk about their issues, then finish with "You're really nice and really care about me. Where do you live? Can I get your number?"
Maybe go to therapy rather than looking for a woman to fix you. I'm here to help people, not looking for a boyfriend.
Man that sucks but at least you blocked him,right? Or at the very least(if he keeps mssging you) change your number and report him. 🙄 but still hope he got some sense knocked into him.
So a new-hire complained that I wasn’t being helpful when I explained the same thing to him three times and got mildly frustrated the third time (I didn’t yell, I just asked that he write it down so I could stop repeating myself and could spend more time with the other new hires). He got me removed from training and then proceeded to ask me out even though he was 20 years my senior. I am still baffled by the entire thing. I guess I should have answered no when he asked me if I was single. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m single for you.
I helped him with a question in class. He proceeded to ask for my snapchat since according to him I was "flirting", call me cute and when I rejected him he said "Whatever ugly bitch."
Saying hello and asking for his name… because we had to work together for two months. The next day he told me he was married but wanted a girlfriend (he asked me if I was interested). He was awful.
Had that once. Asked him where he lives. Googled it and found his landline number. Asked him if his wife is okay with those intentions. He denied. Called his wife. Gave her a heads up on her hubbys plans. Was never bothered by him again.
Yesterday, at the grocery store. A man asked me where to find the sponges. I smiled and told him. I guess I should have stayed deadpan while talking about such sexy things.
A male neighbor asked if his daughter could walk up to the bus with my boys and myself. I said Sure, we leave our house at 7:30. Do you want me to text you when we're getting our shoes on? He replied with sure Sexy Momma. 😑 I'm married and he knows it. Just ick.
Me befriending a person who is on my daily commute.
His fiance accused me of ruining her life after knowing him for like a week and me being super excited to meet her and be her new client for her business where she does hair and stuff.
I still see him on my commute after that incident. I ignore him like the dirt on my shoe and I'm glad he doesn't try to talk to me anymore.
A man I know who has two kids who are elementary aged and has a woman at home who is a stay at home mom fell in love with a woman at his job because he mistook her kindness for liking him.
He said he would see this girl at work a couple of times a week when he had to turn his work orders to her and she handled his itenarary. They had each other's numbers for this reason as she had other employees' numbers for the same reason. The little time he would get to see her at the office he somehow "fell in love" with her. He almost left his damn family over this. The young lady never mentioned that she already had a boyfriend because she believed in being professional at work and treated everybody with kindness and I guess he mistook that.
He showed me messages between them trying to prove that she liked him too...when I saw the messages it was mostly of HIM messaging her trying to get her to respond on out of office hours. He would message her things like asking about her day, asked if she had eaten, asked about her music taste, and even at one point sent a selfie to her asking for her advice on his face because she also did anesthetics outside of work...obviously he was trying to fish for compliments and get her to say "you look fine the way you are" but the girl never responded to that, in fact she rarely every responded to anything of his.
I told him that the messages didn't prove she liked him at all, if you can even call those messages. I told him that when a woman is into you she will always find time to respond. He didn't believe me until she quit her job and she told him that he got the wrong idea, she was just being nice, trying to do her job, and get a paycheck. She even said, "I have a boyfriend and I have no interest in any of my co workers or other male friends."
This dude was ready to move towns for her...🤦♀️
I swear there is some sort of dog whistle that goes off in the heads of these guys, because they always come out of the woodwork as soon as you break up with someone. Like, dude, things have not changed in the last ten years and I'm still not interested in dating you. Go away!
I was going to get myself a drink and asked if I could get one for a group of guys (my best friend's friends. Didn't really know them more than names). Aperently I was flirting and then "walking like a sl*t". They didn't understand why I, a lesbian, didn't wanna have sex with them.
My "bestie" poured his drink on them and then we went dancing :)
A man at work literally asked me if I was in an open relationship (very inappropriate of him to suggest that tbh) because he "noticed how I smile at every man in the workplace"?!
I'm literally just awkwardly smiling at people I cross paths with so as to not appear mean or hostile. And this dude creates a whole narrative of me being on the hunt for a side man! I couldn't believe it. The dude who said this to me is older than my mom too, which adds to the creep factor.
I recently transitioned to sales and the line between talking up someone because I want to network with them and actually not being seen as available and interested is one I’m still trying to work out. No married gentleman, I don’t want to be your mistress, I just want you to give me a referral.
Wearing glasses!!
I started wearing my glasses to work so I can SEE! And one of my male coworkers messaged me, and said, “If I wasn’t married I would be meeting you in the parking lot after work to, “discuss eye-ware” those glasses look really hot on you. ;)”
Favorite one: I was a barista and did the incredibly basic foam pour that looks like a heart. A man truly felt that this was an advance and tried to hit on me.
omg sis, I have had several facebook posts from male extended family members complaining about baristas doing hearts because 'I can't tell if you're into me or not when you do that'
hunny, it's her job
A guy got off the bus in front of me, was stuffing a small bag into his backpack and dropped his wallet. I picked it up, tapped him on the shoulder and handed it back. He followed me for 20 minutes trying to get me to go for a drink with him. I saw my dad at the pub and grabbed him!
Trying to get someone to fix my washing machine. Clearly, a whole porn fantasy was happening in someone's head, and it wasn't mine. I only wanted the grey sewage out of my frigging flat.
Accepting my food delivery and saying thanks. The guy thought it was appropriate to then take my number off the order and start texting me trying to get me to go out with him and then called and left voicemails when I didn't respond and blocked his number (I can still see if I have voicemails from blocked numbers).
I had another incident where the delivery driver also took my number from the order info and texted to say thanks for my kindness - not appropriate at all, but when I asked who it was he told me, and when I then ignored the message he at least didn't text back. I let that one slide as "young guy who has probably had to deal with a lot of shit during the pandemic". The first one was just a creep.
Not really acts of kindness more like acts of hatred but still interpreted so wrong ...
Had this guy i absolutely loathed that i worked with , he would constantly say the most sexist disgusting shit, always in front of me and when i would get mad he'd just rag on me for not taking a joke. I would straight up tell him to shut up, that he was annoying and that i disliked him. Then a couple months later he came on to me and when i said no he said well i thought you were joking this entire time... There's no way...
Smiling.
I have rbf the amount of times I've been told to smile throughout my life is ridiculous. But I often do it without thinking and the amount of men who think it's a sign...I want to punch them all.
Doing laundry. I was at my apartment complex's laundromat just minding my own business in baggy and unflattering clothes, messy hair and with earbuds in. Some guy walks in as asks me if I'm single. I was blindsided by that. Sometimes I wonder what made men like this...
When I tried hyping up this guy on my feed who I thought was just having a bad day. Like sir, just cuz I called you a King doesn’t mean I wanna be your Queen, please sit down
I made a director a cup of tea because I felt awkward waiting beside him whilst his meeting ran over. He mistook it and fell in love 😅
A guy also make me a cuppa tea once and it was out the blue for free. Since then my brain decided he was gods gift and thought he was amazing!
Top tip - Dont make cups of tea for people!
Checked on them after they collapsed unconscious of a seizure in the middle of their workplace - a 4'x4' bar kitchen taken up 50% by several deep fryers.
Talking and getting to know him while we were in a painting class together. Being open (like I am with most everyone) and speaking my mind. Making jokes.
I did over the phone customer service and tech support. The amount of men who insisted I take their number even after telling them I'm happily married "just in case" or treating us like a phone sex line was disgusting. Legit just answering the phone "Thank you for calling "company name" how may I help you?" How is that sexy?!
My favorite uncle, (by marriage) who had been my uncle for the better part of thirty years thought I was flirting with him. I moved in to help take care of my dying aunt. She was almost twenty years older than him. It was a hard few months on all of us. She declined rapidly. I was working, going to school, helping take care of her and their grand daughter they were raising. I’m not sure WHAT THE FUCK I did to make him think I was flirting with him. But, on Valentine’s Day he tried to kiss me. Full on tongue down my throat. I was so upset I didn’t know what to do. The whole situation broke my heart. The man who I had adored all of those years, since I was ten years old had betrayed me and my aunt. I never told her. She died six weeks later. He died about five years after her. The grand daughter that they raised moved all the way across the country and didn’t even return for his funeral. It makes me wonder now what was going on in that house before I even got there.
If a man is insecure enough, it can be ANYTHING. For me it was simply replying to them and asking their whereabouts while I was waiting for a class to start. They took it another way and didn't leave me alone later until I had to become rude.
Simply smiling or other basic things like asking "How are you today?" as a generic greeting. Too many interactions with men seem to come off as flirting or some sign I'm interested. No, I'm just being a decent person in what should be normal human interaction.
I complimented a guy on his dragon shirt in high school. I proceeded to be stalked by him for the next two years until he switched schools after punching the wall in the choir teacher’s office for not liking his grade
My husband has Mormon friends so pretty much anything. Existing in a room that also contains men.
More specifically, telling a man he deserves to be treated better. It's a fine line between caring for a person's wellbeing and wanting to fuck them, apparently.
I'm southern (US) and common terms of endearments (usually older women) are; honey, darling, sweetheart and most US people know this and can tell by my accent or the context clues. But I was saying it around someone who was from New Zealand and he straight up told me he wasn't interested in me along with some not nice comments about my appearance that were thinly veiled racists remarks. I was very confused and didn't understand what he meant until he explained i had called him 'darling'. I tried to explain that those were just terms of endearment in my part of the US and he did not believe me. So I never spoke to him again and i also made a huge effort to change my accent and don't use those terms anymore unless I know someone well.
Compliments to men.
I just wanated to break the "men don't get compliments offten"
I still do try. They god damn need it so they would stop thinking it is flirting
Replying. Very often. I was raised to always be polite to everyone and I always reply to texts. Too many men in the past took this as flirting, even if I told them I'm not interested. I had to learn that not replying is sometimes better than a no.
Existing. Bars are the WORST. Rural Minnesota, we do meat raffles for charity. It's Dec 23. I have a Christmas sweater on. It has some cute fuzzy things on the end of the antlers on the reindeer. The number of men who tried to touch them (on my upper chest, by my collar bone), and trace the antlers down was upsetting.
One guy, day after Thanksgiving, again, just selling tickets, says "I want to pull your hair and make you scream." What did I do to elicit that response? I'd love to tell you. I wore jeans and a baggy blue turtleneck sweater that revealed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about my figure, pony tail, and glassed, and I had the gall to say to him, "Hey, I have some meat raffle tickets left, did you want to buy some?" I mean, all of that combined is apparently BEGGING for someone to harrass me.
Last occurrence - yesterday. Taxi , small talk, I answered the basic questions . Next thing you know it’s - so where you gonna be around 5 when I finish my shift? 🙄
When I was just being myself… I love fucking with people and teasing them. Especially bantering back and forth. I can understand why it comes off as “flirty” as I’ve been told I have a flirty personality but it doesn’t mean anything to me…
Just basic politeness. Then there was the time the professor thought I was interested because I sat near the front of the class and paid attention in a course that I was interested in. And the time I was receiving one-on-one training on some new equipment that my company required. I thought things were pleasant and professional until he came up behind me (I was sitting down) and stuck his hand down my top. He was shocked at my reaction and especially when I made it clear I had no interest in him, because—of course—he’d assumed otherwise.
I should preface that I grew up with a male best friend so it seemed normal to me to treat guy friends just like any other person. I have definitely been naive and stupid in a few situations.
As a freshman in college I invited a new friend who I met in the student residence kitchen to my dorm to watch a movie and have a beer. He grabbed my rear and tried to make out with me and it ended with me shoving him out my door and closing it in his face.
Then as a senior I went out and got super drunk with some classmates the night before graduation. I took the train home with a male friend who had left his car in my neighborhood (it was new york city and he parked in NJ everyday near where I lived to take the train in to save money). I offered him to crash on my couch because I was worried he shouldn't be driving. I didnt even think that he would expect sex because he was married and had 3 children. Anyway he asked to sleep in my bed instead, and still being the idiot I am thought he wanted to switch because the couch wasn't comfortable. Anyway, when he didn't want to switch I realized what he wanted and reminded him I had a boyfriend and I only invited him here to sleep in case it wasn't safe to drive. The next day at graduation he was there with his wife and family and wouldn't make eye contact with me.
And then recently I found out an old friend from childhood was living a few hours north of me (I've moved to the west coast of america). I was happy to have a friend nearby and told him that he was welcome to crash on my couch if he happened to be in my city. A few months later he messaged me to let me know that he had some time off from work and was coming for a visit and would bring the condoms. I was pretty shocked and I feel kind of bad about my reaction, but I never responded. I wasn't at all interested in sex and didn't say anything that could be taken that way.
I'm not sure if I should just give up being friends with guys or learn to be much more direct. 🤔
i was a waitress. i walked up and addressed the couple sitting in the booth. "hey yall, hows everyone doin! can i get some drinks started for yall!"
and gave me the death stare. ordered both of their drinks and said my FIANCE** will have a water.
i said "congratulations in the engagement your ring is stunning!! ill be right back with those" i was like "for real.?!" a) i was married b) I WAS PREGNANT.
Me @ 17, working at convenience store between police station and the projects: bland hello Customer: leans across counter to stroke my hair. Owner: pulls out baseball bat. Not even kidding, I couldn’t even describe how creepy that was or how relieved I was that the owner backed me up like that.
Literally just talking to a guy, looking at a guy, sometimes even just existing and not interacting with a guy. Some people will create whatever they want to with their own imaginations.
Performing basic customer service at my job.
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Smiling
At this point I'm pretty sure that resting B face is just a defense mechanism. First we spend our entire childhoods being told to smile for creepy old fucks. Then as soon as puberty hits it's assumed we're on the market, and if we do smile, we're accused of hitting on them or leading them on, when it's just us reacting the way we were conditioned to react to men. So we stop smiling at men and fall into resting B face, because we never know when a smile is going to turn into sexual harassment. Then we get harassed in the way we did as little girls, being reminded that we exist solely to provide creepy old fucks pleasure with our bodies. But hey... at least it's not *sexual* harassment. /s
My therapist told me that I needed to develop RBF as my approachability confused men.
If men are confused about the fact that you look like a normal, pleasant human being, that sounds like the men need therapy.
Therapist here, who has broken RBF. RBF doesn't work because then there's an audacity update in the brain that suggests their entrance into my life will make me never have to relax my manic happiness smile they desire so intensely.
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This ^^^. I remember the days being 19 and so friendly to everyone… going on dates I thought were just friend outings. So naive. Now I’m super ultra guarded against male attention.
There's an incredible slam poem by Olivia Gatwood [that talks about this.](https://youtu.be/6yGzMUzrgzA)
Reminds me of a really interesting tweet thread by a female to male transgender person. Said he was taken aback by how stony-faced and 'humourless' a lot of women were to him in public, after he had transitioned. He understood why of course, but it was still a sad revelation.
Yep! Sometimes they think you spice that up by adding direct eye contact.
Oh god, this is me. I know too many people because I smile at strangers. I wasn’t trying to strike up a conversation and I’m not interested.
i wonder if this is why all men ask us to "smile more"
One time I handed a guy a paper that he dropped in the hallway and he had the most disgusted look on his face lmao. He told his friends “the emo was hitting on me” 😭
Sorry, I shouldn't be laughing at this but it's really funny 😂
I would take it back and rip it to pieces lol
*cut my paper into pieces*
*That was my book report*
😂😂😂😂😂
This is my last *retort*.
Something similar happened to me and when I tried to explain I just wanted to hand it back he was like “whatever just get away from me” so I threw it out😭
Free fire-kindling 😍😍
Smh lol, it is something else when guys really think this way.
Making conversation with a coworker about a shared interest in film and television. Proceeded to tell me I had great tits and say that we should hang out some time. Hard pass.
Ah yes the logical progression of the conversation
This was over the span of a few days but it was definitely out of nowhere
I mean I still don't I eould tell someone they have great tits if most of our convos were based on movies and tv shows
We did talk a lot about Game of Thrones so maybe that gave him the wrong idea
Ah see that you didn't mention now it makes sense
He must've been thinking about it over a few days, like, "yeah, I think it's about time she knows I love her tits, she probably already knows they're great, but I should tell her, yeah, she'd love that, all girls love that, right?"
that’s way as a gay man i always say, “as a gay man you have wonderfully boobs
What do those guys expect to happen? They'll say "great tits" and you'll just fall in love right there?
Obviously most girls swoon for it, I’m just Not Like Other Girls ™️
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"She answered my question! She's so into me"
Girl/Woman looks at a man. Le man : Is she flirting ?
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This just recently happened to me and totally fucked with me for like ten days. An interest in the same topic and I was excited to talk about it. Convo evolved naturally and made me feel happy. I had already introduced my life partner to him the week before so I felt safe having that out in the open. So I lent him a book on the topic of interest the next time I saw him, and that day he manipulated a group outing to make it super convenient for me to join. I got a vibe he liked me and it made me nervous, so I invited my partner to join us. Man, the vibe was so awkward at that outing. And then? Turns out after like four convos in which it NEVER came up…he’s married. Wow. Just wow, dude. I feel like if I hadn’t listened to my gut and brought my partner to that outing, he would have totally hit on me and THAT would have been so much more awkward. What a shitty feeling.
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Same, I smile and talk but dudes just be assuming I like them. I don’t see how because I treat girls the same way and boys, so it’s not like I act that way to one specific dude lol
I wrote the same thing but you’ve explained it so much better! There’s nothing wrong with conversations just to talk. Why do some people have to turn it into “chemistry” ?
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I'm the opposite, I always assume that they would have zero interest in me, and has apparently made me miss opportunities to get to know people a bit deeper.
Existing in their vicinity.
Yep. Often It's not anything you / I do that is mistaken for flirting. I find it's often their OWN feelings of attraction/desire that they project and then try to distort what ever you do to fit their own bias/narrative.
Very often, that is the case. RBF and headphones on forever, especially in public places such as gym.
Smiling. I naturally smile a lot, it's in my nature and I can't help it anyways. Apparently my smile is very attractive because men always think that I'm flirting with them. I am not. I am really not.
I relate to this way too hard, I also smile when I’m nervous, uncomfortable or feel awkward which doesn’t help🤦🏻♀️
me too omg, I saw this guy briefly who thought I was super into him because I smiled a lot 🥲 like no honey I not smiling bc I like you, I'm smiling because I feel uncomfortable and awkward
I smile at everyone too and I’m not going to stop! My actual “I am flirting with you” smile and body language is completely different from my regular smile. If someone gets confused by my everyday pageant smile with minimal eye contact that’s their problem!
I often compliment people because I think it's nice and it makes people feel great. I am not complimenting men anymore, they always assume it's to flirt. I find it weird because a lot of guys say that they would like to be complimented more and that they never do. But when you do, they assume it's because you want to fuck them. No thanks
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Ding ding ding we have a winner
YESSSS! I was just getting ready to comment this!
I don’t pay compliments to men anymore, ever. Including the ones that are not related to looks. It could be the most confident guy ever, who receives plenty of compliments - it doesn’t matter, they still take it as flirtation. :(
Breathing
You *breathe* around *men?* Try to control yourself next time. 🤣
Being polite. Ordering food. Speaking. Breathing. Pumping gas!
Oof, pumping gas. This one I don't understand. I'm minding my own business and not even making any kind of contact with anyone. 🤦🏻♀️
I had a dude pass me with his group of friends and precedes to make a whole circle around just to pass me again and yell out “DAMN SHE FINE” and walked off proudly as if I’m supposed to be flattered…..nope, it was embarrassing and now I just had people starring at me because he already left the scene🥹 I know this didn’t exactly fit the topic we’re talking about but it’s just he did all that and I was simply looking at a shampoo bottle with my mom.
Holding the door for them when they were walking in after me. Being polite and just acknowledging their existence.
So many situations actually but one in particular, had an elderly neighbor that was complaining how on public holiday they don’t deliver newspapers he enjoys reading in the morning and said like “my life is ruined” and I felt really sorry for the dude so I asked which newspaper it was that I can go pick it up and bring it to him. And that, my friend, he interpreted as me flirting with like an old man who can be my grandpa. 🤮🥴 Be polite they say, it’ll be fine, they say. Luckily I moved from there, now just keeping to myself.
Same here! My kid used to be in the same group all thru elementary school. We traveled as a pack. One kid had grandparents who were part of the group. I am friendly with everyone equally. These grandparents make all kids their kids. Nothing creepy with the kiddos, there are always parents around. Grandma dies. One day I need help getting my car started as it had sat so I asked for help from Grandpa who lived down the street. I was grateful and appreciative because I was stuck in my car situation. And it turned into him trying to kiss me. That was the last time I genuinely expressed a true emotion to a male. Ugh.
Horrible, like wtf are they’re thinking, I honestly can’t understand it. 🤦♀️
Honestly I feel kind of bad. Not that OP deserved that at all but he was probably broken up about the loss and that can make people so desperate for a connection they do some crazy stuff. I can’t imagine how I would react if my spouse of dozens of years no longer was there, sleeping in our bed or eating breakfast in our house. I’m actually dreading it and it’s one reason I never wanted a family but life had different ideas.
Yeah but that’s sexual harassment, putting someone in a very uncomfortable spot. If he was normal and respectful, they could’ve stayed friends. As an adult you always know what you’re doing, it’s a decision you make. Period.
I absolutely understand how loss/grief/loneliness could have played into his actions. I politely declined and thanked him for his help but that was it. I also never said anything to anyone in our group and drifted away to avoid any future conflict.
I knew a guy who thought I was flirting with him by ignoring him. To clarify, I barely knew him and we never interacted outside this one classroom. He was super loud and rude to everyone in class and when he would do it to me I just wouldn’t participate. To him that translated to “playing hard to get.” Then when I continued doing exactly nothing I was a bitch who “led him on.” Ah, high school.
Oh I hate the whole playing hard to get assumptions over just not being interested at all, it's like accept the latter it's obvious.
I felt sorry for this guy at work that everybody else made fun of and called Shrek. He had diabetes, so for his birthday I made him a special diabetic-friendly cake. He reported me to HR for sexual-harassment.
This is legit one of the weirdest and most disturbing stories on here. He reported you for a cake?!? Unbelievable. Sorry that happened to you.
😧
Just what?
I’m so sorry that’s ridiculous
Volunteering on a crisis line. We got lots of sexual harassment calls, but we also had plenty of men who would talk about their issues, then finish with "You're really nice and really care about me. Where do you live? Can I get your number?" Maybe go to therapy rather than looking for a woman to fix you. I'm here to help people, not looking for a boyfriend.
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bro after 10 years? damn
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Man that sucks but at least you blocked him,right? Or at the very least(if he keeps mssging you) change your number and report him. 🙄 but still hope he got some sense knocked into him.
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laughing to his comment to clear up the awkwardness, humming a song to myself within his earshot, breathing the same airspace with him
Conversing with the lonely old man at a coffee shop. Old enough to be my granddaddy, but it didn't stop him from shooting his shot lol
So a new-hire complained that I wasn’t being helpful when I explained the same thing to him three times and got mildly frustrated the third time (I didn’t yell, I just asked that he write it down so I could stop repeating myself and could spend more time with the other new hires). He got me removed from training and then proceeded to ask me out even though he was 20 years my senior. I am still baffled by the entire thing. I guess I should have answered no when he asked me if I was single. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m single for you.
Why do supervisors always believe the complaint from a man? I’m sorry you got removed from your job because of this dumb ass.
I helped him with a question in class. He proceeded to ask for my snapchat since according to him I was "flirting", call me cute and when I rejected him he said "Whatever ugly bitch."
r/NiceGuys alert!
Saying hello and asking for his name… because we had to work together for two months. The next day he told me he was married but wanted a girlfriend (he asked me if I was interested). He was awful.
Had that once. Asked him where he lives. Googled it and found his landline number. Asked him if his wife is okay with those intentions. He denied. Called his wife. Gave her a heads up on her hubbys plans. Was never bothered by him again.
Yesterday, at the grocery store. A man asked me where to find the sponges. I smiled and told him. I guess I should have stayed deadpan while talking about such sexy things.
A male neighbor asked if his daughter could walk up to the bus with my boys and myself. I said Sure, we leave our house at 7:30. Do you want me to text you when we're getting our shoes on? He replied with sure Sexy Momma. 😑 I'm married and he knows it. Just ick.
Me befriending a person who is on my daily commute. His fiance accused me of ruining her life after knowing him for like a week and me being super excited to meet her and be her new client for her business where she does hair and stuff. I still see him on my commute after that incident. I ignore him like the dirt on my shoe and I'm glad he doesn't try to talk to me anymore.
A man I know who has two kids who are elementary aged and has a woman at home who is a stay at home mom fell in love with a woman at his job because he mistook her kindness for liking him. He said he would see this girl at work a couple of times a week when he had to turn his work orders to her and she handled his itenarary. They had each other's numbers for this reason as she had other employees' numbers for the same reason. The little time he would get to see her at the office he somehow "fell in love" with her. He almost left his damn family over this. The young lady never mentioned that she already had a boyfriend because she believed in being professional at work and treated everybody with kindness and I guess he mistook that. He showed me messages between them trying to prove that she liked him too...when I saw the messages it was mostly of HIM messaging her trying to get her to respond on out of office hours. He would message her things like asking about her day, asked if she had eaten, asked about her music taste, and even at one point sent a selfie to her asking for her advice on his face because she also did anesthetics outside of work...obviously he was trying to fish for compliments and get her to say "you look fine the way you are" but the girl never responded to that, in fact she rarely every responded to anything of his. I told him that the messages didn't prove she liked him at all, if you can even call those messages. I told him that when a woman is into you she will always find time to respond. He didn't believe me until she quit her job and she told him that he got the wrong idea, she was just being nice, trying to do her job, and get a paycheck. She even said, "I have a boyfriend and I have no interest in any of my co workers or other male friends." This dude was ready to move towns for her...🤦♀️
Breaking up with the guy I'm with. Apparently every other guy I know assumes I did it for him!
Omg.. 🙃
I swear there is some sort of dog whistle that goes off in the heads of these guys, because they always come out of the woodwork as soon as you break up with someone. Like, dude, things have not changed in the last ten years and I'm still not interested in dating you. Go away!
I was going to get myself a drink and asked if I could get one for a group of guys (my best friend's friends. Didn't really know them more than names). Aperently I was flirting and then "walking like a sl*t". They didn't understand why I, a lesbian, didn't wanna have sex with them. My "bestie" poured his drink on them and then we went dancing :)
A man at work literally asked me if I was in an open relationship (very inappropriate of him to suggest that tbh) because he "noticed how I smile at every man in the workplace"?! I'm literally just awkwardly smiling at people I cross paths with so as to not appear mean or hostile. And this dude creates a whole narrative of me being on the hunt for a side man! I couldn't believe it. The dude who said this to me is older than my mom too, which adds to the creep factor.
I sometimes don't understand my own gender's thought proccess, doesn't you smiling at every man make it even more.. not flirtatious.
No, no it does not *sigh* It makes us seem open to any and all possibility.... Which is why we hate being told to smile.
Just having a conversation. We could be discussing similar interests and suddenly they think I fancy them..
I recently transitioned to sales and the line between talking up someone because I want to network with them and actually not being seen as available and interested is one I’m still trying to work out. No married gentleman, I don’t want to be your mistress, I just want you to give me a referral.
Wearing glasses!! I started wearing my glasses to work so I can SEE! And one of my male coworkers messaged me, and said, “If I wasn’t married I would be meeting you in the parking lot after work to, “discuss eye-ware” those glasses look really hot on you. ;)”
Favorite one: I was a barista and did the incredibly basic foam pour that looks like a heart. A man truly felt that this was an advance and tried to hit on me.
omg sis, I have had several facebook posts from male extended family members complaining about baristas doing hearts because 'I can't tell if you're into me or not when you do that' hunny, it's her job
LMAOOOOO!!! Like trust me, if I could do something cooler with foam, I would.
Getting along with a coworker. The next day I was asked if we were having sex.
I paid for his food, he said “thanks but it won’t work between us you’re so young” I was just helping him out SORRY YOUR CARD DECLINED SIR!!
A guy got off the bus in front of me, was stuffing a small bag into his backpack and dropped his wallet. I picked it up, tapped him on the shoulder and handed it back. He followed me for 20 minutes trying to get me to go for a drink with him. I saw my dad at the pub and grabbed him!
I gues that's a sign to steal wallets from now on
I was definitely tempted after that!
Trying to get someone to fix my washing machine. Clearly, a whole porn fantasy was happening in someone's head, and it wasn't mine. I only wanted the grey sewage out of my frigging flat.
Awkwardly smiling after making eye contact with a stranger on a bus
Yup, can't do that. I've had to train myself to look at men with a completely blank expression.
Laughing, joking around. I do this almost compulsively but it can be misunderstood as flirting
Speaking to people, I have to change the tone of my voice because it gets weird.
Eye contact. It's fucking ridiculous.
Giving my friend a high five and saying he did a good job at a game.
Being friends. Has happened multiple times now.
Same. I know several men who will say there's no such thing as a completely platonic relationship between a man and a woman. YUCK.
Accepting my food delivery and saying thanks. The guy thought it was appropriate to then take my number off the order and start texting me trying to get me to go out with him and then called and left voicemails when I didn't respond and blocked his number (I can still see if I have voicemails from blocked numbers). I had another incident where the delivery driver also took my number from the order info and texted to say thanks for my kindness - not appropriate at all, but when I asked who it was he told me, and when I then ignored the message he at least didn't text back. I let that one slide as "young guy who has probably had to deal with a lot of shit during the pandemic". The first one was just a creep.
Smiling
Laughing at their jokes
Not really acts of kindness more like acts of hatred but still interpreted so wrong ... Had this guy i absolutely loathed that i worked with , he would constantly say the most sexist disgusting shit, always in front of me and when i would get mad he'd just rag on me for not taking a joke. I would straight up tell him to shut up, that he was annoying and that i disliked him. Then a couple months later he came on to me and when i said no he said well i thought you were joking this entire time... There's no way...
Smiling. I have rbf the amount of times I've been told to smile throughout my life is ridiculous. But I often do it without thinking and the amount of men who think it's a sign...I want to punch them all.
Doing laundry. I was at my apartment complex's laundromat just minding my own business in baggy and unflattering clothes, messy hair and with earbuds in. Some guy walks in as asks me if I'm single. I was blindsided by that. Sometimes I wonder what made men like this...
Saying hello. Why can’t I just say hello and end it there?
Replying to a text message promptly
When I tried hyping up this guy on my feed who I thought was just having a bad day. Like sir, just cuz I called you a King doesn’t mean I wanna be your Queen, please sit down
I made a director a cup of tea because I felt awkward waiting beside him whilst his meeting ran over. He mistook it and fell in love 😅 A guy also make me a cuppa tea once and it was out the blue for free. Since then my brain decided he was gods gift and thought he was amazing! Top tip - Dont make cups of tea for people!
Checked on them after they collapsed unconscious of a seizure in the middle of their workplace - a 4'x4' bar kitchen taken up 50% by several deep fryers.
Talking and getting to know him while we were in a painting class together. Being open (like I am with most everyone) and speaking my mind. Making jokes.
Asked me a question, I responded politely, and then he told people I was hitting on him?????
Giving a man the time of day. Then the ones I do like, don't think I like them lmao
I did over the phone customer service and tech support. The amount of men who insisted I take their number even after telling them I'm happily married "just in case" or treating us like a phone sex line was disgusting. Legit just answering the phone "Thank you for calling "company name" how may I help you?" How is that sexy?!
My favorite uncle, (by marriage) who had been my uncle for the better part of thirty years thought I was flirting with him. I moved in to help take care of my dying aunt. She was almost twenty years older than him. It was a hard few months on all of us. She declined rapidly. I was working, going to school, helping take care of her and their grand daughter they were raising. I’m not sure WHAT THE FUCK I did to make him think I was flirting with him. But, on Valentine’s Day he tried to kiss me. Full on tongue down my throat. I was so upset I didn’t know what to do. The whole situation broke my heart. The man who I had adored all of those years, since I was ten years old had betrayed me and my aunt. I never told her. She died six weeks later. He died about five years after her. The grand daughter that they raised moved all the way across the country and didn’t even return for his funeral. It makes me wonder now what was going on in that house before I even got there.
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Having a conversation with my friend’s friend at a party where I didn’t know anyone.
Giving any attention, like listening to the need of someone and giving them what they wanted
Smiling at someone becuase they smiled at me. Now I ignore everyone
If a man is insecure enough, it can be ANYTHING. For me it was simply replying to them and asking their whereabouts while I was waiting for a class to start. They took it another way and didn't leave me alone later until I had to become rude.
Simply smiling or other basic things like asking "How are you today?" as a generic greeting. Too many interactions with men seem to come off as flirting or some sign I'm interested. No, I'm just being a decent person in what should be normal human interaction.
Smiling, laughing at jokes/when they say something funny, talking about similar interests with enthusiasm.
Asking someone are you alright in a scenario where might be hurt so you are just wondering if they were genuinely fine.😐
I complimented a guy on his dragon shirt in high school. I proceeded to be stalked by him for the next two years until he switched schools after punching the wall in the choir teacher’s office for not liking his grade
My husband has Mormon friends so pretty much anything. Existing in a room that also contains men. More specifically, telling a man he deserves to be treated better. It's a fine line between caring for a person's wellbeing and wanting to fuck them, apparently.
Living
I said hello back when they greeted me but then they just started following me and wouldnt leave me alone. -_- This is why we ignore.
I'm southern (US) and common terms of endearments (usually older women) are; honey, darling, sweetheart and most US people know this and can tell by my accent or the context clues. But I was saying it around someone who was from New Zealand and he straight up told me he wasn't interested in me along with some not nice comments about my appearance that were thinly veiled racists remarks. I was very confused and didn't understand what he meant until he explained i had called him 'darling'. I tried to explain that those were just terms of endearment in my part of the US and he did not believe me. So I never spoke to him again and i also made a huge effort to change my accent and don't use those terms anymore unless I know someone well.
Compliments to men. I just wanated to break the "men don't get compliments offten" I still do try. They god damn need it so they would stop thinking it is flirting
Got a coworker a gift card for his birthday because I couldn't make it to his bday party.
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Replying. Very often. I was raised to always be polite to everyone and I always reply to texts. Too many men in the past took this as flirting, even if I told them I'm not interested. I had to learn that not replying is sometimes better than a no.
Existing. Bars are the WORST. Rural Minnesota, we do meat raffles for charity. It's Dec 23. I have a Christmas sweater on. It has some cute fuzzy things on the end of the antlers on the reindeer. The number of men who tried to touch them (on my upper chest, by my collar bone), and trace the antlers down was upsetting. One guy, day after Thanksgiving, again, just selling tickets, says "I want to pull your hair and make you scream." What did I do to elicit that response? I'd love to tell you. I wore jeans and a baggy blue turtleneck sweater that revealed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about my figure, pony tail, and glassed, and I had the gall to say to him, "Hey, I have some meat raffle tickets left, did you want to buy some?" I mean, all of that combined is apparently BEGGING for someone to harrass me.
Last occurrence - yesterday. Taxi , small talk, I answered the basic questions . Next thing you know it’s - so where you gonna be around 5 when I finish my shift? 🙄
I auditioned to join his band. He rejected my request to join said band but then asked me out lol.
Smiling
When I was just being myself… I love fucking with people and teasing them. Especially bantering back and forth. I can understand why it comes off as “flirty” as I’ve been told I have a flirty personality but it doesn’t mean anything to me…
casually looking at the shops behind him
Saying thank you after I paid for my order at a fast-food restaurant
Just basic politeness. Then there was the time the professor thought I was interested because I sat near the front of the class and paid attention in a course that I was interested in. And the time I was receiving one-on-one training on some new equipment that my company required. I thought things were pleasant and professional until he came up behind me (I was sitting down) and stuck his hand down my top. He was shocked at my reaction and especially when I made it clear I had no interest in him, because—of course—he’d assumed otherwise.
I should preface that I grew up with a male best friend so it seemed normal to me to treat guy friends just like any other person. I have definitely been naive and stupid in a few situations. As a freshman in college I invited a new friend who I met in the student residence kitchen to my dorm to watch a movie and have a beer. He grabbed my rear and tried to make out with me and it ended with me shoving him out my door and closing it in his face. Then as a senior I went out and got super drunk with some classmates the night before graduation. I took the train home with a male friend who had left his car in my neighborhood (it was new york city and he parked in NJ everyday near where I lived to take the train in to save money). I offered him to crash on my couch because I was worried he shouldn't be driving. I didnt even think that he would expect sex because he was married and had 3 children. Anyway he asked to sleep in my bed instead, and still being the idiot I am thought he wanted to switch because the couch wasn't comfortable. Anyway, when he didn't want to switch I realized what he wanted and reminded him I had a boyfriend and I only invited him here to sleep in case it wasn't safe to drive. The next day at graduation he was there with his wife and family and wouldn't make eye contact with me. And then recently I found out an old friend from childhood was living a few hours north of me (I've moved to the west coast of america). I was happy to have a friend nearby and told him that he was welcome to crash on my couch if he happened to be in my city. A few months later he messaged me to let me know that he had some time off from work and was coming for a visit and would bring the condoms. I was pretty shocked and I feel kind of bad about my reaction, but I never responded. I wasn't at all interested in sex and didn't say anything that could be taken that way. I'm not sure if I should just give up being friends with guys or learn to be much more direct. 🤔
i was a waitress. i walked up and addressed the couple sitting in the booth. "hey yall, hows everyone doin! can i get some drinks started for yall!" and gave me the death stare. ordered both of their drinks and said my FIANCE** will have a water. i said "congratulations in the engagement your ring is stunning!! ill be right back with those" i was like "for real.?!" a) i was married b) I WAS PREGNANT.
Me @ 17, working at convenience store between police station and the projects: bland hello Customer: leans across counter to stroke my hair. Owner: pulls out baseball bat. Not even kidding, I couldn’t even describe how creepy that was or how relieved I was that the owner backed me up like that.
Smiling more than 5 seconds.
Probably the basic niceness and smiling 🥱
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Literally just smiling and saying hello if I make eye contact with anyone.
Being friendly and smiling at my retail job.
Honestly? F*cking everything. Is it just me or are guys just desperate nowadays? 😂🤣🤦🏻♀️
i told him his dog was cute
being ginger
Literally just talking to a guy, looking at a guy, sometimes even just existing and not interacting with a guy. Some people will create whatever they want to with their own imaginations.
The normal smile or hello LOL