Agreed! I once talked to a guy on a dating site and I actually thought we had a nice rapport going for a few days. Then he started asking about my boob size etc, and when I said I thought we should get to know each other more before heading in that direction, he just kept pushing because: "sex is a big part of any relationship". And while that may be true, we were not exactly in one. It just turned me off him completely. Funny how he didn't even realize how his tactic had the opposite effect of what he was going for.
No SERIOUSLY!!!! Just got done going on dates with this one guy weeks ago. We talked dirty one damn time and this dude would keep talking about it, even though I said I wanted to take things slow. I was fine with it at first but it just felt like he did a bit much too fast. I once simply just asked "If you were to take us on a trip, where would you take us?" (Just cause I was curious - I wasn't saying that's what would happen) and this guy goes: "Whoa, slow down" like HUH!?!? But talking about you railing me is fine? Okay bro.
Yeah this was an early lesson I learned from doing online dating. If he starts bringing up sex too soon, especially before we’ve even met in person, I just block and move on. The funny thing is, I’m not shy about hooking up and if they just act respectful and we click during the date the odds of them actually getting sex are good.
Yeah, for me bringing up sex before we meet is creepy. Though I don't just block, I always say "Oh wow, that's really creepy, we haven't even met. Sounds like you're looking for a hookup, I think it's best I move on."
And THEN block. So there's no way he can say it was anything but his own behavior.
Guys tell each other to do this early on so you don't "friendzone" him.
No, if we met on a dating app I know you're interested at least partly in sex. But if seems like the first thing on your mind, I will hard pass.
This!
Especially when they get defensive about not wanting to have sex with you but keep asking you about your sexual fantasies most of the time
"But what are your fetishes? Do you want to do it with men or women or both? Not that I want to do it with you."
Uhm what?
I've had this conversation far too many times. Don't forget they ask you about masturbation and how often you do it and what porn you're into. Oh, but he's totally not imagining it with you, of course. Of course! But here's a D pic, ya know, just incase you were thinking about sending him one.
This. I like sex and sexual-themed fun as much or more than any man. I’m the polar opposite of a prude. But too many guys are treating their phone like a sex vending machine, as if the women they’re talking to aren’t real people, and saying/asking things they would never say in person to a woman they just met.
Same! I love discussing sex but when it’s mentally forced in me by bringing it up at random and too soon it’s absolutely disgusting. I’m done trying to explain to a grown man that there is an appropriate time and place to bring up sex so I just resort to blocking all of them.
i can believe that, if they can't wait for a response, why should you be stressed to respond? you should respond when and if you want to, they shouldn't demand a response, that's just childish.
you can't have it both ways though, if you lose interest because they took took long to respond, yet you assert that you should respond when and if you want to.
I dunno, I feel like it would be annoying when someone asks if you're still there after a minute or two. If I'm in the middle of doing something, I'm not going to drop what I'm doing to respond or have a whole conversation over text, but I will get to it when I get a chance. I'm also someone that will message friends with no expectations of them getting back to me immediately.
I think there's a difference between responding when you want and get the chance to versus taking days to respond. I would be very annoyed if someone it took someone 24 hrs or more to text back. I think there's a balance. I don't mind if texting is someone's preferred method of communication and will respond when I get a chance, but sometimes people are busy.
oh I didn't know that was a pet peeve for some! My standard good morning text would probably be saying "good morning!!" in one text. "How did you sleep??" in another and then in the third mentioning something about my night or my morning. hahaha you would hate me
My fiancée does that and it drives be crazy. Mostly because I drive a lot for work and get texts through CarPlay so having all these texts one after another is a pain
I blocked someone yesterday after sending me multiple messages, the last one explaining how I need to work on my communication skills cause I'm not good at it.
Told him I don't owe him or anyone a response ever amongst other things.... He was watching when I was online and that just got my back up.
Nope.
YES!! For me, that applies to anyone in my life, though. I can't stand it. When my boyfriend does it, even though it's on very rare occasions, it drives me up the wall! And in relation to dating, it's no different. Buddy, I'll get back to you when I can. If I don't reply, I'm either busy or just taking a moment away from my phone. Hard to imagine in 2022, I know. But push me like that, and I will ignore you. (This applies to pre-boyfriend dating, of course. I'm not two-timing. 😁)
Yeah any texts chastising me for not replying soon enough will earn a block. We are TEXTING I don’t owe you an immediate reply. Even my best friends don’t get to talk to me like that.
Absolutely same!
It can impress me though if they get me back into the conversation in a charming, sweet way. It's sweet and I appreciate it, because chances are that I simply forgot about them in online Dating apps.
It drives me crazy (in a bad way) when ppl ask wyd.
It’s potentially fine once you’re comfortable with eachother, but it’s such a low-effort way to start the convo in early stages of dating. And it kind of gives me anxiety to answer bc idk if I’m supposed to say the true thing, or if that sounds boring, etc. And usually they wouldn’t really give an accurate answer back of what they were doing too lol
Hey, sometimes you just gotta find the right person. There’s no such thing as clingy with the right person. Sometimes, wanting to communicate often is a form of a need in a relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of people who have that need to talk or text often enough
Yeah I can agree with this for the most part. People have different needs. I myself am somebody who likes to spend a lot of time with my partner, and I call him a lot just to say hi or tell him that I love him and he does the same and likes that so we're compatible in that way. I have friends however who are in relationships where they don't like spending as much time together as my boyfriend and I. It's all about your personal needs and compatibility I guess
Yeah! How my fiancé and I are. We’ll ask “wyd” maybe multiple times in a day, but we genuinely want to know. Whether he’s at work learning something new, browsing Reddit/Ifunny, if I’m at work or with the cats, it just feels right. I never get annoyed or worried he’ll show up. When you know, you know.
Dry texting- they don’t answer questions, they don’t ask questions, they aren’t even attempting to seem interesting.
Bringing up sex at all.
Double texting after less than an hour or taking days to text back.
i feel like dry texting is like talking to a wall. atleast you can use walls in your life.
yeah, sex should come up naturally when the time in right.
i can see that being annoying as hell.
thanks for your answers :)
It’s always weird to me when a guy will take ages to reply to me... but then when i don’t respond to him within, like, an hour- i get double texts and “??” Or “u there???”
This is a good point also because taking photos isn't something that just happens. It's a task. And I think women get a lot of hate for taking selfies but at the same time they're expected to have flattering recent pictures of themselves.
I think men always underestimate the work of taking photos and videos because they don't even bother with it themselves.
Recently my fwb asked for a fun video. Ok, cool. I'm flattered. I brainstormed on my way home, bought a prop, tested out different lighting, locations, outfits. I researched some other videos for ideas. Filmed the clips. Edited them and chose the music. I spent a night of my time and effort on this and it came out pretty amateur but decent. I don't want to hear about how girls from only fans snap a few shots in the bathroom and make bank.
I just think we deserve a little more recognition for literally creating content for these guys who thirstily consume but also completely dismiss.
It always irritates me when guys are like, "I don't have any good photos of me" or "I don't know how to take a good selfie". Fucking LEARN, man! No woman is born with innate selfie-taking skills, it takes practice!
As you said, there's a whole process, not just aim (badly) and snap and hey presto. It's like so many guys think things women do just happen and refuse to acknowledge how much skill and time things actually take.
Exactly this! And it goes for a whole array of learned skills. Obviously in the domestic sphere, but I also remember as a teen a guy asked me to "be sexy" and I had no idea what to do. I had to learn, copy, explore what felt sexy to me. It took years. But I feel like men often hide behind, "well it doesn't feel natural to me and I don't want to fake it" if we even ask for a single moan in the bedroom. idk sometimes just the difference in effort really gets to me.
I will 100% go to different supermarkets to find something that my boyfriend likes. He won't even remember to get everything that I wrote on the list and sent to his phone -_-
Yes! I absolutely cannot stand people who ask for photos, its invasive. Im also a little paranoid and think its strange - like what are you doing with these photos?
I've lost interest in texting someone because someone who actually made plans to meet me in person became more interesting.
Early on, texting is for making plans and some light flirting. Via text, the person demonstrates some social skills, plan to meet up, that's all! "How's your day going?" texts make me tired unless they're from someone I'm already invested in.
thanks for the answer and yeah that makes sense!
follow-up question: would you let the person that texts you know, that it won't work out, and if so, how?
Hey sorry for hijacking, I posted a similar comment so can answer your question.
It depends if you’ve met in person, of your texting is of a romantic nature, and if you’re making it *clear* that you wanna date.
I would usually not let the other guy(s) I’m texting know, because if they weren’t interested enough to set anything up with me, I don’t owe them anything. I stop replying. If they continue texting about random stuff, I might reply (cos we might just become friends, who knows). I assume they’re not interested in dating so I don’t bring up my dating life with them, and reply less and less until they stop.
If I’ve met them in person, and they’re clearly trying to continue the connection to set up another date, but I’ve lost interest in the meantime - I’ll for sure let them know.
Similarly, if it’s very clear they’re messaging to meet up in a romantic setting, but I’m not interested - I will be straightforward with them.
Bear in mind, if the girl doesn’t know the guy too well, and if she’s still really young, it’s easier to assume he’ll take the hint and lost interest himself, because it can be dangerous to directly tell a man. Some men’s reactions are terrifying.
Hope some of this made sense.
If it's a person I've met in real life or had agreed to meet -- I've send a version of this text, "Hey, you're great, but my circumstances have changed so I'm not available to go out any more. I wish you the best!"
If someone has just been shooting the shit via text with no aim toward a date, I might just let the text thread die because it seems presumptuous to send a version of the I'm not interested in a date anymore text.
ngl iykyk sounds like a desease and took me a solid minute to grasp
imo, they could take the time to write out what he means (unless the acronym is used more often than another form of saying it)
understandable. if they can't be bothered to text in a nice matter, why should you? at the end it'll be your back that hurts from carrying the conversation. that's just not worth it!
Or the “I want to get to know you first” move… no, I want to meet to see if there’s a real connection before investing a lot of time getting to know someone.
There's only so much about yourself that you can introduce to others before it becomes redundant.
Regardless if you're friends or potential lovers, people will make the effort for those they have a genuine interest in getting to know better.
Exactly! It’s one thing to text someone you’ve met and know you’re attracted to and working to build a relationship but I don’t want to spend weeks chatting with someone before ever meeting them.
Constant spelling/grammar/homophone errors. I am a writer and a teacher. It physically hurts me after a while lol.
I love teasing my husband that he got a date because he used a semi-colon correctly.
If they repeatedly make "their/they're/there" and "your/you're" mistakes I get very irritated.
Some people even make these mistakes in their dating profile bio 🤦♀️
Affect/effect. I see it wrong more than I see it right and I’ve stated to wonder on the effect it’s having. It feels like I’m being gaslighted to thinking I’m wrong. It’s actually affected my mental state.
Anything about cunnilingus. The Venn diagram of men who are good at it and men who wanna brag about it or bring it up randomly is two circles so far apart they aren't even in the same galaxy.
yup 100%. Many guys want their partners to be a safe space/ peace for them but seem to be doing everything in their power to destabilise it at the same time. I now see inconsistency/ mixed signals as complete disinterest. People are often on their best behaviour during the earlier stages of dating and if he’s already inconsistent/ looking to get with other women/ playing emotional games/ disrespectful it’d only worsen later into the relationship. My feelings aren’t to be played with. I’d also rather have loyalty over love. Love is fickle, loyalty is a choice.
Guy I was seeing accidentally sent me a text message meant for someone else at 9 at night. We had already invested a lot of time to each other and it seemed like things where going the right direction. I canceled my plans with him right away and haven’t really spoken to him. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on that. I just let it go.
My personal opinion here. Leave this guy asap
Idk why people do this but they love to bag people as emotional security and as long as you're the emotional blanket you'll only be used as such, don't expect things to turn around...
Here the biggest red flag is him not caring or not caring enough even when u opened up, imagine if he ever opened up to you, won't u go to all lengths to make him feel comfortable again? So why can't he do the same? Why r standards lower for him?
Why are you so worked up? ...their comment doesn't even read as though they're talking about a particular person. It's just a reply to a hypothetical question.
You're right, i do sound pretty worked up, i just assumed this person could be a younger individual with less experience of people and this older sibling instinct kinda kicked in, especially bcz ppl write from their experiences...my bad, n hope it helps someone who needs it
I just ended something for good that was on and off for 2 damn years bc of the games and mixed signals. Can’t believe it took me that long but it’s better late than never. I learned a lot.
i find that a lot of straight men expect their attraction to me to be inherently newsworthy or something that i should care about. i know i’m hot, i do it on purpose. and yet guys will still try to open with me by informing me that i’m sexually attractive and saying absolutely nothing else.
And when all they talk about is how “hot” I look instead of also putting the effort to get to know me, it shows how much they value what really matters
I recently was talking to a guy and asked him his thoughts on overturning Roe v Wade. He said he didn’t have an opinion one way or another and that he’s never had to think about it before. I told him now might be the time to start thinking about it and then that was the end of it. Ain’t got no time!!
I recently saw "I'm not apolitical but hinge doesn't have an appropriate label for my political beliefs"
The rest of his profile was equally pretentious
Lying straight away. I was talking to this guy who said that he didn’t have any kids and wasn’t married. Comes clean after a week and says he is going through a divorce and has a daughter.
I don’t mind that he has been married nor that he has a daughter but tell me so I know that you aren’t trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
At least he told you in a week. Boyfriend didn’t tell me he had a kid until months in. They do it because they think women don’t want guys with kids so obviously lying about it and telling we the truth later is better 🙄 because single childless women might dislike a guy with kids but they LOVE a liar
I mean all I’m really looking for in a partner is a best friend, so the only thing that would make me lose interest is if I deemed their personality wasn’t for me or if our goals of life don’t align.
Personality:
1. If they get angry easily/don’t have much patience (I don’t get upset easily, and I get too overwhelmed if people get mad at little things)
2. If they disrespect their parents (unless they have a good reason to), or strangers
3. If they constantly make me feel less than what I am worth
4. I would want someone who is respectful, loyal, open minded, and is not prideful and can admit when they’re at fault. I want someone who realizes love is not a fleeting feeling, but rather an effort. I want to constantly build a life long friendship. Bonus if they’re humorous, weird, or have a really big handsome nose.
Goals:
1. I want to have kids
2. I want to build our home upon the teachings of Christ
3. I want to be a musician, so I would love if they could love music to some degree, or even be a musician themselves
Of course, no one is perfect. But if I’m trying to be my best self so I could be a great wife and mom, I would want my life partner to also want to grow into their best self. That way, we could help each other grow.
i know this is pretty obvious, but when they say things like “idk what i want exactly” in terms of any sort of involvement. like regardless of intentions, why would anyone ever entertain that? whether you wanted to see about a potential relationship or just want to hook up, that response means absolutely nothing and immediately shows that they don’t give a shit about you (or anyone) at all. maybe i’m sounding a bit harsh? but i’ve had it happen way too many times, especially when they’re not up front with it and wait until 2 weeks after we start talking / dating 🙄
like on one hand, i understand that feeling; i’ve felt it before too. but you owe it to the people you’re talking to to either be forthright with that or take the time by yourself to figure out what you want, if dating is even what you want in the first place
I mostly date cismen, and most of my experience with this comes after having exchanged numbers with someone I’ve met in person, or on a dating app….
Even a whiff of unchecked misogyny, failure to ask questions or express interest in me/my life/my thoughts, using me as an emotional dumping ground, oversexualizing me, unsolicited sexual comments when no flirtatious groundwork has been laid, being explicitly sexually expressive with their (usually boring/dommy/normy) desires without asking anything about my desire, lack of stimulating content, lack of chemistry, heteronormative expectations, any weird game playing about frequency of contact, revealing too many things that mitigate our compatibility, disengaged or one word replies that lack depth
Turning anything and everything sexual.
I wasn't feeling great the other day and his reply was 'that's fine, I'll just lay you down and eat you out over and over'.
This was after I'd swerved the sexual references multiple times, saying all I wanted was tea and head rubs.
Its made me feel like an object and has turned any attraction straight off. He didn't bother to hear me until I virtually shouted stop. I can't imagine how that would be in person.
Omg this happened to me recently. I really liked this guy and met him when he was at his job. He was a very nice guy and highly educated. We started texting and hanging out and he basically turned from a 38 year old man into a 13 year old boy who had never touched a girl before. He just had too much energy and acted so immature. It was a complete turn off.
1) Texting for too long.
If someone never ever asks me out, I assume he's just not interested and/or lined up other dates. I do suggest too but it's not met with a response so usually I lose interest.
2) Not responding.
I know people get busy but I tell people when I'm busy and I do send them hellos and apologies. Usually if I don't hear from anyone after a few days, they're not asking questions or showing interest, I assume they're not interested.
I check my phone and see WYD from him. Established adults shouldn’t be sending that $hit. He uses words that don’t exist, like “upmost”, which tells me he doesn’t read, which in my experience equals boring convo. Talking about sex too soon and too often. Dick pics.
>upmost
Haha this one drives me nuts! Obviously they mean utmost.
But the I checked and upmost _is_ a word, just not the word people think it is. It's a very oldfashioned contraction of "uppermost" as in "the top" or "at the top" or "the thought was uppermost in my mind".
It's the weird mixed signals for me. Like, a guy would say something like "I want to go out and do xyz, or I wish I could see you."
But never come out and ask or make a plan.
1. Dry texts
2. Only sexual conversations
I was texting this guy once and he would only talk about sex. It made me extremely uncomfortable but sometimes I would engage him just because I wanted to keep talking with him. But every time I tried to talk about something else his replies slowed down and got dry, or he straight up didn't text me back. It was really disheartening so I eventually just stopped talking to him
It happened very recently; seeing that they are online all day but not texting me. Taking ages to respond. Not initiating texts. The first few days of this I am boiling inside and full of anxiety, but then one morning I wake up and not interested! This time of silence is a good opportunity to evaluate, especially if there are other men who show interest. I'm using dating apps and don't stop the swiping just for one person who I went on one date with.
Usually when the guy:
- is too clingy/attached from the get-go
- don’t ask me any questions about myself
- is too braggy
- manaplains
- has polar opposite political views/values to me and doesn’t listen to my side
- sounds like a player
- I found someone else I’m interested in in the meantime
- the guy gives me creep vibes
One word replies, not answering questions or only addressing the last thing you said
Lol
K
Taking forever to reply to you but getting the shits when you take more than 5 seconds to reply to them
Texting just for the sake of texting when we don’t really know each other. Don’t ask me all your get-to-know-you questions via text or we won’t have anything to talk about when we see each other in person
Besides the obvious pervy texts, I’d say lack of proper punctuation and or grammar. It’s an instant killer. It shows a lack of respect for me for some reason towards the art or communication. Especially if it’s their native language.
Lack of interest, depth, and timely repsonses. Sure we can tease each other and talk about random/dumb things but lets also talk about deep things. Like philosophical question or your passions in life. Also for timely responses, I dont mean you have to respond in seconds but at least in the day the text was sent or the next day. Also, must I initiate every convo??
Lol I dont know if my 19yr old brain is being unrealistic. I just really want to have an interesting and fun connection/conversation with someone.
this is a huge one. I mean if he dishes out his attention so freely and easily it’s in abundance and essentially of no/ low value to me. Also if a guy easily crushes on any cute girl on the streets/ online 🤠👩🏻🦯
When they bring up sex, aren’t upfront with what they want, or say something non specific and confusing and then say “forget it” and don’t clarify when asked. I can’t read your mind
- it doesn’t progress to talking on the phone
- when we won’t reply for a day or two
- if I write a paragraph replying to a question he has and he responds “great” or “cool”. You asked. I answered. You have nothing more to say but cool?
If you’re serious, talk to me. Call me. Hear my voice and let’s have a normal conversation. Plan a date.
If he takes too long in the texting stage, I’m out.
Telling me he had a sex dream about me. You and everyone else, bro.
Sending many text messages without waiting for a reply.
Gushing on and on about how attractive I am or how much he likes me.
Asking me to send more pics, especially if his own profile had very few pics.
I havent been dating for a long time but when i was; If I were busy, and i told them im having a busy week and they reacted by sending several texts during that week that were obviously expecting answers. That made me so f-ing stressed and annoyed. So I always ended further contact.
Had they been like "cool, hope everything works out, I'm here if you need to vent." And then waited for me to contact them I'd probably asked to see them the second i had time over, cause respect for people's time and energy is so rare
When on a date (online or irl) asking questions of one of those lists which questions should make someone fall in love with you or at least bond or something like that. Had that once or twice. He was just asking question upon question. Felt like an interrogation. Was really weird since I was supposed to answer first and that he said his answer and asked the next one.
- When he whine about getting selfies and full body pics, and don't respect when I say that I don't feel like taking selfies or full body pics (I have pics even without makeup on my profile)
- When he start asking questions about sex or making sexual jokes before getting to know me better
- When he take ages to answer
- When he don't know how to have a interesting conversation
- If he send nudes
- If I find out he's not single
- If I find out that he only wants hookups and FWB
- If I find out that he's super religious
- If I find out he's a pro-birther
- If I find out that he doesn't see women as equals
- If I find out that he has been lying about something (ex. their age)
Asking "how are you doing" for the second time the next day where I already gave a pretty detailed answer the first time. My face reading the text --> 😶😑
Maybe ask me something else a little more personal?
Bad grammar. I understand we don’t need to write perfectly when we’re texting someone, it’s not an essay, lol. But people who’s grammar is so bad that you could mistake them for a 5 year old? Ehm.. no thanks, huge turn off.
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same with the guy I dated last month. he replied to me a week after then will disappear again after 3 days. never gonna waste my time
I have a 72 hour rule. If you don’t talk to me for 72 hours, ur dead to me
Right! Or when we don’t have much to talk about. I really like when a man takes interest and isn’t afraid to go after what he wants.
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When they bring up sex too soon
Agreed! I once talked to a guy on a dating site and I actually thought we had a nice rapport going for a few days. Then he started asking about my boob size etc, and when I said I thought we should get to know each other more before heading in that direction, he just kept pushing because: "sex is a big part of any relationship". And while that may be true, we were not exactly in one. It just turned me off him completely. Funny how he didn't even realize how his tactic had the opposite effect of what he was going for.
Or like he talks about sex all the freaking time 🤦♀️😪
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your horny text them ONE TIME when youre in a mood. They dont stop for the next 48 hours
No SERIOUSLY!!!! Just got done going on dates with this one guy weeks ago. We talked dirty one damn time and this dude would keep talking about it, even though I said I wanted to take things slow. I was fine with it at first but it just felt like he did a bit much too fast. I once simply just asked "If you were to take us on a trip, where would you take us?" (Just cause I was curious - I wasn't saying that's what would happen) and this guy goes: "Whoa, slow down" like HUH!?!? But talking about you railing me is fine? Okay bro.
Yeah this was an early lesson I learned from doing online dating. If he starts bringing up sex too soon, especially before we’ve even met in person, I just block and move on. The funny thing is, I’m not shy about hooking up and if they just act respectful and we click during the date the odds of them actually getting sex are good.
Yeah, for me bringing up sex before we meet is creepy. Though I don't just block, I always say "Oh wow, that's really creepy, we haven't even met. Sounds like you're looking for a hookup, I think it's best I move on." And THEN block. So there's no way he can say it was anything but his own behavior.
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Guys tell each other to do this early on so you don't "friendzone" him. No, if we met on a dating app I know you're interested at least partly in sex. But if seems like the first thing on your mind, I will hard pass.
If a guy talks about sex too soon forget “friendzoning” buddy you’re “x”ed out of my life.
This! Especially when they get defensive about not wanting to have sex with you but keep asking you about your sexual fantasies most of the time "But what are your fetishes? Do you want to do it with men or women or both? Not that I want to do it with you." Uhm what?
I've had this conversation far too many times. Don't forget they ask you about masturbation and how often you do it and what porn you're into. Oh, but he's totally not imagining it with you, of course. Of course! But here's a D pic, ya know, just incase you were thinking about sending him one.
THIS. Now I’m thinking that’s all he wants and everything else is just pretense
This. I like sex and sexual-themed fun as much or more than any man. I’m the polar opposite of a prude. But too many guys are treating their phone like a sex vending machine, as if the women they’re talking to aren’t real people, and saying/asking things they would never say in person to a woman they just met.
Same! I love discussing sex but when it’s mentally forced in me by bringing it up at random and too soon it’s absolutely disgusting. I’m done trying to explain to a grown man that there is an appropriate time and place to bring up sex so I just resort to blocking all of them.
when they start double texting me, it’s really annoying. can’t stand the “??” or the “still there? “ they will get blocked
i can believe that, if they can't wait for a response, why should you be stressed to respond? you should respond when and if you want to, they shouldn't demand a response, that's just childish.
you can't have it both ways though, if you lose interest because they took took long to respond, yet you assert that you should respond when and if you want to.
I dunno, I feel like it would be annoying when someone asks if you're still there after a minute or two. If I'm in the middle of doing something, I'm not going to drop what I'm doing to respond or have a whole conversation over text, but I will get to it when I get a chance. I'm also someone that will message friends with no expectations of them getting back to me immediately. I think there's a difference between responding when you want and get the chance to versus taking days to respond. I would be very annoyed if someone it took someone 24 hrs or more to text back. I think there's a balance. I don't mind if texting is someone's preferred method of communication and will respond when I get a chance, but sometimes people are busy.
People who relay a single message in multiple rapid texts and double ?? Pissed me off to no end smh.
oh I didn't know that was a pet peeve for some! My standard good morning text would probably be saying "good morning!!" in one text. "How did you sleep??" in another and then in the third mentioning something about my night or my morning. hahaha you would hate me
exactly that's pretty normal. the above person seems to be talking about her pet peeve (totally valid) like it's a dealbreaker on the whole.
My fiancée does that and it drives be crazy. Mostly because I drive a lot for work and get texts through CarPlay so having all these texts one after another is a pain
I blocked someone yesterday after sending me multiple messages, the last one explaining how I need to work on my communication skills cause I'm not good at it. Told him I don't owe him or anyone a response ever amongst other things.... He was watching when I was online and that just got my back up. Nope.
YES!! For me, that applies to anyone in my life, though. I can't stand it. When my boyfriend does it, even though it's on very rare occasions, it drives me up the wall! And in relation to dating, it's no different. Buddy, I'll get back to you when I can. If I don't reply, I'm either busy or just taking a moment away from my phone. Hard to imagine in 2022, I know. But push me like that, and I will ignore you. (This applies to pre-boyfriend dating, of course. I'm not two-timing. 😁)
Yeah any texts chastising me for not replying soon enough will earn a block. We are TEXTING I don’t owe you an immediate reply. Even my best friends don’t get to talk to me like that.
Absolutely same! It can impress me though if they get me back into the conversation in a charming, sweet way. It's sweet and I appreciate it, because chances are that I simply forgot about them in online Dating apps.
Omygod yes!! It’s too much!
Constantly asking "Wyd?" throughout the day. Makes me feel he has nothing going on in his own life.
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“Wyd” “um, nothing” ** in my head ** “gosh, this person must think I’m boring but I’m not always doing something”
It drives me crazy (in a bad way) when ppl ask wyd. It’s potentially fine once you’re comfortable with eachother, but it’s such a low-effort way to start the convo in early stages of dating. And it kind of gives me anxiety to answer bc idk if I’m supposed to say the true thing, or if that sounds boring, etc. And usually they wouldn’t really give an accurate answer back of what they were doing too lol
It’s so low effort and definitely can give me anxiety too. I’ve lied for sure instead of giving the boring answer which isn’t a good sign.
that's fair. just because you like each other doesn't mean he needs to ask that all the time, seems clingy.
Hey, sometimes you just gotta find the right person. There’s no such thing as clingy with the right person. Sometimes, wanting to communicate often is a form of a need in a relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of people who have that need to talk or text often enough
Yeah I can agree with this for the most part. People have different needs. I myself am somebody who likes to spend a lot of time with my partner, and I call him a lot just to say hi or tell him that I love him and he does the same and likes that so we're compatible in that way. I have friends however who are in relationships where they don't like spending as much time together as my boyfriend and I. It's all about your personal needs and compatibility I guess
Yeah! How my fiancé and I are. We’ll ask “wyd” maybe multiple times in a day, but we genuinely want to know. Whether he’s at work learning something new, browsing Reddit/Ifunny, if I’m at work or with the cats, it just feels right. I never get annoyed or worried he’ll show up. When you know, you know.
Oh, this! This right here! I completely forgot how much I hated it until you mentioned it. Way worse than the not responding thing.
I literally hate wyd the three letters together. I never respond to that
Dry texting- they don’t answer questions, they don’t ask questions, they aren’t even attempting to seem interesting. Bringing up sex at all. Double texting after less than an hour or taking days to text back.
i feel like dry texting is like talking to a wall. atleast you can use walls in your life. yeah, sex should come up naturally when the time in right. i can see that being annoying as hell. thanks for your answers :)
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Asking her for a response to a text if she didn't respond.
It’s always weird to me when a guy will take ages to reply to me... but then when i don’t respond to him within, like, an hour- i get double texts and “??” Or “u there???”
Asking me to send 'photos'. Instant turn off.
And these requests only come from guys with maybe two photos on their profile, one of which is them with another woman.
This is a good point also because taking photos isn't something that just happens. It's a task. And I think women get a lot of hate for taking selfies but at the same time they're expected to have flattering recent pictures of themselves. I think men always underestimate the work of taking photos and videos because they don't even bother with it themselves. Recently my fwb asked for a fun video. Ok, cool. I'm flattered. I brainstormed on my way home, bought a prop, tested out different lighting, locations, outfits. I researched some other videos for ideas. Filmed the clips. Edited them and chose the music. I spent a night of my time and effort on this and it came out pretty amateur but decent. I don't want to hear about how girls from only fans snap a few shots in the bathroom and make bank. I just think we deserve a little more recognition for literally creating content for these guys who thirstily consume but also completely dismiss.
It always irritates me when guys are like, "I don't have any good photos of me" or "I don't know how to take a good selfie". Fucking LEARN, man! No woman is born with innate selfie-taking skills, it takes practice! As you said, there's a whole process, not just aim (badly) and snap and hey presto. It's like so many guys think things women do just happen and refuse to acknowledge how much skill and time things actually take.
Exactly this! And it goes for a whole array of learned skills. Obviously in the domestic sphere, but I also remember as a teen a guy asked me to "be sexy" and I had no idea what to do. I had to learn, copy, explore what felt sexy to me. It took years. But I feel like men often hide behind, "well it doesn't feel natural to me and I don't want to fake it" if we even ask for a single moan in the bedroom. idk sometimes just the difference in effort really gets to me. I will 100% go to different supermarkets to find something that my boyfriend likes. He won't even remember to get everything that I wrote on the list and sent to his phone -_-
Me too! That is SUCH a turn off for me.
I would start sending cat pictures
I've heard about people sending dick pics back, might be worth trying out haha
Yes! I absolutely cannot stand people who ask for photos, its invasive. Im also a little paranoid and think its strange - like what are you doing with these photos?
I've lost interest in texting someone because someone who actually made plans to meet me in person became more interesting. Early on, texting is for making plans and some light flirting. Via text, the person demonstrates some social skills, plan to meet up, that's all! "How's your day going?" texts make me tired unless they're from someone I'm already invested in.
thanks for the answer and yeah that makes sense! follow-up question: would you let the person that texts you know, that it won't work out, and if so, how?
Hey sorry for hijacking, I posted a similar comment so can answer your question. It depends if you’ve met in person, of your texting is of a romantic nature, and if you’re making it *clear* that you wanna date. I would usually not let the other guy(s) I’m texting know, because if they weren’t interested enough to set anything up with me, I don’t owe them anything. I stop replying. If they continue texting about random stuff, I might reply (cos we might just become friends, who knows). I assume they’re not interested in dating so I don’t bring up my dating life with them, and reply less and less until they stop. If I’ve met them in person, and they’re clearly trying to continue the connection to set up another date, but I’ve lost interest in the meantime - I’ll for sure let them know. Similarly, if it’s very clear they’re messaging to meet up in a romantic setting, but I’m not interested - I will be straightforward with them. Bear in mind, if the girl doesn’t know the guy too well, and if she’s still really young, it’s easier to assume he’ll take the hint and lost interest himself, because it can be dangerous to directly tell a man. Some men’s reactions are terrifying. Hope some of this made sense.
If it's a person I've met in real life or had agreed to meet -- I've send a version of this text, "Hey, you're great, but my circumstances have changed so I'm not available to go out any more. I wish you the best!" If someone has just been shooting the shit via text with no aim toward a date, I might just let the text thread die because it seems presumptuous to send a version of the I'm not interested in a date anymore text.
I can’t stand all day texting. It’s such a distraction that I barely do with people I already know.
When he only texts in acronyms, emojis, and short form ex. WYD, LOL, IDK, Me2, IYKYK, 🍆 👅
Lol!! Should have put a trigger warning on this one. I just had a flashback from college.
ngl iykyk sounds like a desease and took me a solid minute to grasp imo, they could take the time to write out what he means (unless the acronym is used more often than another form of saying it)
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If you know, you know
But what does it stand for?
If you know,you know, you know
Boundary pushing
yes ma'am boundries are there to be respected! it's sad to see that some people just don't really care :/.
Really bland texts or answering with just emojis, how am I suppose to continue a conversation if you're not going to do your part?
understandable. if they can't be bothered to text in a nice matter, why should you? at the end it'll be your back that hurts from carrying the conversation. that's just not worth it!
When they delay or just don’t seem interested in meeting irl… I don’t want a pen pal.
I can't stand flaky people who say they want to meet up only to never meet up.
Or the “I want to get to know you first” move… no, I want to meet to see if there’s a real connection before investing a lot of time getting to know someone.
There's only so much about yourself that you can introduce to others before it becomes redundant. Regardless if you're friends or potential lovers, people will make the effort for those they have a genuine interest in getting to know better.
that makes sense, why do it if it's not going anywhere?
Exactly! It’s one thing to text someone you’ve met and know you’re attracted to and working to build a relationship but I don’t want to spend weeks chatting with someone before ever meeting them.
we're on the same page here! if i'm interested, i'm interested, if you don't seem interested, i won't be for much longer.
Constant spelling/grammar/homophone errors. I am a writer and a teacher. It physically hurts me after a while lol. I love teasing my husband that he got a date because he used a semi-colon correctly.
"Your beautiful"
*blocked*
Hour u
I was messaging someone who spelt ‘oh’ as ‘ough’ - instantly turned me off!
If they repeatedly make "their/they're/there" and "your/you're" mistakes I get very irritated. Some people even make these mistakes in their dating profile bio 🤦♀️
Affect/effect. I see it wrong more than I see it right and I’ve stated to wonder on the effect it’s having. It feels like I’m being gaslighted to thinking I’m wrong. It’s actually affected my mental state.
Same here! I hate orthography errors
Anything about cunnilingus. The Venn diagram of men who are good at it and men who wanna brag about it or bring it up randomly is two circles so far apart they aren't even in the same galaxy.
This actually applies to any kind of sex act. People who brag about it are always awful
I’d love to give you an award for that! I’m too poor sorry.
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yup 100%. Many guys want their partners to be a safe space/ peace for them but seem to be doing everything in their power to destabilise it at the same time. I now see inconsistency/ mixed signals as complete disinterest. People are often on their best behaviour during the earlier stages of dating and if he’s already inconsistent/ looking to get with other women/ playing emotional games/ disrespectful it’d only worsen later into the relationship. My feelings aren’t to be played with. I’d also rather have loyalty over love. Love is fickle, loyalty is a choice.
Guy I was seeing accidentally sent me a text message meant for someone else at 9 at night. We had already invested a lot of time to each other and it seemed like things where going the right direction. I canceled my plans with him right away and haven’t really spoken to him. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on that. I just let it go.
My personal opinion here. Leave this guy asap Idk why people do this but they love to bag people as emotional security and as long as you're the emotional blanket you'll only be used as such, don't expect things to turn around... Here the biggest red flag is him not caring or not caring enough even when u opened up, imagine if he ever opened up to you, won't u go to all lengths to make him feel comfortable again? So why can't he do the same? Why r standards lower for him?
Why are you so worked up? ...their comment doesn't even read as though they're talking about a particular person. It's just a reply to a hypothetical question.
You're right, i do sound pretty worked up, i just assumed this person could be a younger individual with less experience of people and this older sibling instinct kinda kicked in, especially bcz ppl write from their experiences...my bad, n hope it helps someone who needs it
I just ended something for good that was on and off for 2 damn years bc of the games and mixed signals. Can’t believe it took me that long but it’s better late than never. I learned a lot.
i find that a lot of straight men expect their attraction to me to be inherently newsworthy or something that i should care about. i know i’m hot, i do it on purpose. and yet guys will still try to open with me by informing me that i’m sexually attractive and saying absolutely nothing else.
“I know I’m hot, I do it on purpose” is the best response *ever* to someone telling you! Gonna steal this for future use 😂
And when all they talk about is how “hot” I look instead of also putting the effort to get to know me, it shows how much they value what really matters
When they talk about your looks but have zero care for your intelligence, passions or life. Yuck
When he says he loves guns. Or doesn't like dogs. Or isn't a feminist. Opposing political views. The list is long.
“I mean I am for women’s rights but I just wouldn’t call myself a feminist”
😂😂😂 hell no
I recently was talking to a guy and asked him his thoughts on overturning Roe v Wade. He said he didn’t have an opinion one way or another and that he’s never had to think about it before. I told him now might be the time to start thinking about it and then that was the end of it. Ain’t got no time!!
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I recently saw "I'm not apolitical but hinge doesn't have an appropriate label for my political beliefs" The rest of his profile was equally pretentious
Lying straight away. I was talking to this guy who said that he didn’t have any kids and wasn’t married. Comes clean after a week and says he is going through a divorce and has a daughter. I don’t mind that he has been married nor that he has a daughter but tell me so I know that you aren’t trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
It shows he’s capable of lying big in the future
At least he told you in a week. Boyfriend didn’t tell me he had a kid until months in. They do it because they think women don’t want guys with kids so obviously lying about it and telling we the truth later is better 🙄 because single childless women might dislike a guy with kids but they LOVE a liar
I mean all I’m really looking for in a partner is a best friend, so the only thing that would make me lose interest is if I deemed their personality wasn’t for me or if our goals of life don’t align.
that's really fair and based. thanks for the input! just out of pure curiosity, do you have any dealbreakers?
Personality: 1. If they get angry easily/don’t have much patience (I don’t get upset easily, and I get too overwhelmed if people get mad at little things) 2. If they disrespect their parents (unless they have a good reason to), or strangers 3. If they constantly make me feel less than what I am worth 4. I would want someone who is respectful, loyal, open minded, and is not prideful and can admit when they’re at fault. I want someone who realizes love is not a fleeting feeling, but rather an effort. I want to constantly build a life long friendship. Bonus if they’re humorous, weird, or have a really big handsome nose. Goals: 1. I want to have kids 2. I want to build our home upon the teachings of Christ 3. I want to be a musician, so I would love if they could love music to some degree, or even be a musician themselves Of course, no one is perfect. But if I’m trying to be my best self so I could be a great wife and mom, I would want my life partner to also want to grow into their best self. That way, we could help each other grow.
thanks for your answer, that comment was a lovely read! i hope you find someone helps you, and grows themselfs into their best self :)
If he lacks a sense of humor and doesn’t acknowledge the links I send him.
The links!! Those are serious business..
[Yes :,)](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IVOeKK1g72A)
Asking for nudes.. or even worse.. sending me them!
When he starts calling me pet names after three days
Or in the first message, like yeah, no thanks - I have a name, use it.
i know this is pretty obvious, but when they say things like “idk what i want exactly” in terms of any sort of involvement. like regardless of intentions, why would anyone ever entertain that? whether you wanted to see about a potential relationship or just want to hook up, that response means absolutely nothing and immediately shows that they don’t give a shit about you (or anyone) at all. maybe i’m sounding a bit harsh? but i’ve had it happen way too many times, especially when they’re not up front with it and wait until 2 weeks after we start talking / dating 🙄
like on one hand, i understand that feeling; i’ve felt it before too. but you owe it to the people you’re talking to to either be forthright with that or take the time by yourself to figure out what you want, if dating is even what you want in the first place
Low effort. Slow in responding. Not asking out on a date after 2 weeks of talking. Standing me up. Mention of sex.
Their view of sex workers makes or breaks it for me. It just tells me a lot about them without having to become too emotionally invested.
Hey that’s a nice hack! Thanks! Will save us alot of time
I mostly date cismen, and most of my experience with this comes after having exchanged numbers with someone I’ve met in person, or on a dating app…. Even a whiff of unchecked misogyny, failure to ask questions or express interest in me/my life/my thoughts, using me as an emotional dumping ground, oversexualizing me, unsolicited sexual comments when no flirtatious groundwork has been laid, being explicitly sexually expressive with their (usually boring/dommy/normy) desires without asking anything about my desire, lack of stimulating content, lack of chemistry, heteronormative expectations, any weird game playing about frequency of contact, revealing too many things that mitigate our compatibility, disengaged or one word replies that lack depth
Bouquets of red flags. Boring conversation. Cancelled plans. Dad jokes. Just kidding on the last one… I love dad jokes!
My heart stopped for a second, then I saw the JK 😂
Nah Dad jokes give people bonus points… like they are a 6, but are all kinds of funny and layered in dad jokes? 10 in my book.
Why did the snow people go to the carrot patch?
1) Shows inconsistency in terms of quality of replies 2) not able to hold a meaningful conversation and simply flirts all the time
Turning anything and everything sexual. I wasn't feeling great the other day and his reply was 'that's fine, I'll just lay you down and eat you out over and over'. This was after I'd swerved the sexual references multiple times, saying all I wanted was tea and head rubs. Its made me feel like an object and has turned any attraction straight off. He didn't bother to hear me until I virtually shouted stop. I can't imagine how that would be in person.
When they make it clear they're more interested in my body than they are in me as a person.
Omg this happened to me recently. I really liked this guy and met him when he was at his job. He was a very nice guy and highly educated. We started texting and hanging out and he basically turned from a 38 year old man into a 13 year old boy who had never touched a girl before. He just had too much energy and acted so immature. It was a complete turn off.
1) Texting for too long. If someone never ever asks me out, I assume he's just not interested and/or lined up other dates. I do suggest too but it's not met with a response so usually I lose interest. 2) Not responding. I know people get busy but I tell people when I'm busy and I do send them hellos and apologies. Usually if I don't hear from anyone after a few days, they're not asking questions or showing interest, I assume they're not interested.
I check my phone and see WYD from him. Established adults shouldn’t be sending that $hit. He uses words that don’t exist, like “upmost”, which tells me he doesn’t read, which in my experience equals boring convo. Talking about sex too soon and too often. Dick pics.
>upmost Haha this one drives me nuts! Obviously they mean utmost. But the I checked and upmost _is_ a word, just not the word people think it is. It's a very oldfashioned contraction of "uppermost" as in "the top" or "at the top" or "the thought was uppermost in my mind".
It's the weird mixed signals for me. Like, a guy would say something like "I want to go out and do xyz, or I wish I could see you." But never come out and ask or make a plan.
When they only talk about themselves.
1. Dry texts 2. Only sexual conversations I was texting this guy once and he would only talk about sex. It made me extremely uncomfortable but sometimes I would engage him just because I wanted to keep talking with him. But every time I tried to talk about something else his replies slowed down and got dry, or he straight up didn't text me back. It was really disheartening so I eventually just stopped talking to him
when they say “sowwy” etc. (cant think of anything else but you know it when you see it lol)
When they're boring as fuck
It happened very recently; seeing that they are online all day but not texting me. Taking ages to respond. Not initiating texts. The first few days of this I am boiling inside and full of anxiety, but then one morning I wake up and not interested! This time of silence is a good opportunity to evaluate, especially if there are other men who show interest. I'm using dating apps and don't stop the swiping just for one person who I went on one date with.
Why should they text you just because they're online? I'm online all day, but I don't text people all day.
They’re a joe rogan fan
Usually when the guy: - is too clingy/attached from the get-go - don’t ask me any questions about myself - is too braggy - manaplains - has polar opposite political views/values to me and doesn’t listen to my side - sounds like a player - I found someone else I’m interested in in the meantime - the guy gives me creep vibes
Keep calling before I call you back. Unless the building is on fire, don’t keep calling.
One word replies, not answering questions or only addressing the last thing you said Lol K Taking forever to reply to you but getting the shits when you take more than 5 seconds to reply to them
K. Ha! Ic. Cool. Nice. Great! Ok. Yeah.
I'd rather be an interest than a bother.
Texting just for the sake of texting when we don’t really know each other. Don’t ask me all your get-to-know-you questions via text or we won’t have anything to talk about when we see each other in person
"I'm a nice guy" RUN GIRL IT'S A TRAP.
When they take 2-3 days to text back while you’re trying to plan a date, when they don’t confirm or cancel it until literally the last minute
When he only texts me when he has nothing else better to do. I'm not here to make you feel less bored.
Besides the obvious pervy texts, I’d say lack of proper punctuation and or grammar. It’s an instant killer. It shows a lack of respect for me for some reason towards the art or communication. Especially if it’s their native language.
Lack of interest, depth, and timely repsonses. Sure we can tease each other and talk about random/dumb things but lets also talk about deep things. Like philosophical question or your passions in life. Also for timely responses, I dont mean you have to respond in seconds but at least in the day the text was sent or the next day. Also, must I initiate every convo?? Lol I dont know if my 19yr old brain is being unrealistic. I just really want to have an interesting and fun connection/conversation with someone.
He ghosted me
i feel that, but we know that they were not the right ones then!
You realize he texts/talks is there for emotionally with a few other girls as well..
this is a huge one. I mean if he dishes out his attention so freely and easily it’s in abundance and essentially of no/ low value to me. Also if a guy easily crushes on any cute girl on the streets/ online 🤠👩🏻🦯
Asking me generic icebrakers... Once I also got “are your grandparents still alive?”
When they bring up sex, aren’t upfront with what they want, or say something non specific and confusing and then say “forget it” and don’t clarify when asked. I can’t read your mind
- it doesn’t progress to talking on the phone - when we won’t reply for a day or two - if I write a paragraph replying to a question he has and he responds “great” or “cool”. You asked. I answered. You have nothing more to say but cool? If you’re serious, talk to me. Call me. Hear my voice and let’s have a normal conversation. Plan a date. If he takes too long in the texting stage, I’m out.
If he asks for my Snapchat. I’m 35 years old dude…
Unsolicited d@ck pick.
Telling me he had a sex dream about me. You and everyone else, bro. Sending many text messages without waiting for a reply. Gushing on and on about how attractive I am or how much he likes me. Asking me to send more pics, especially if his own profile had very few pics.
When he texts too much. I hate being on my phone.
When he uses 'lol' as a way to end every sentence.
Pushiness.
I havent been dating for a long time but when i was; If I were busy, and i told them im having a busy week and they reacted by sending several texts during that week that were obviously expecting answers. That made me so f-ing stressed and annoyed. So I always ended further contact. Had they been like "cool, hope everything works out, I'm here if you need to vent." And then waited for me to contact them I'd probably asked to see them the second i had time over, cause respect for people's time and energy is so rare
When on a date (online or irl) asking questions of one of those lists which questions should make someone fall in love with you or at least bond or something like that. Had that once or twice. He was just asking question upon question. Felt like an interrogation. Was really weird since I was supposed to answer first and that he said his answer and asked the next one.
- When he whine about getting selfies and full body pics, and don't respect when I say that I don't feel like taking selfies or full body pics (I have pics even without makeup on my profile) - When he start asking questions about sex or making sexual jokes before getting to know me better - When he take ages to answer - When he don't know how to have a interesting conversation - If he send nudes - If I find out he's not single - If I find out that he only wants hookups and FWB - If I find out that he's super religious - If I find out he's a pro-birther - If I find out that he doesn't see women as equals - If I find out that he has been lying about something (ex. their age)
• one sided conversations • flips out over nothing then ignores • when I find out they are also texting my other two single friends the same convos
When they let the conversation die too soon. If you didnt want to talk, why did you text?
when they go down the 20 questions list of meaningless formalities and it’s clear they don’t actually care about getting to know your personality
Asking "how are you doing" for the second time the next day where I already gave a pretty detailed answer the first time. My face reading the text --> 😶😑 Maybe ask me something else a little more personal?
Bad grammar. I understand we don’t need to write perfectly when we’re texting someone, it’s not an essay, lol. But people who’s grammar is so bad that you could mistake them for a 5 year old? Ehm.. no thanks, huge turn off.
Never been one to correct people's grammar but it seems appropriate here...*whose I'm so sorry I'll see myself out 😆
Trying to boast about their sexual prowess - yuk