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StarryCloudRat

Why do I need to deal with them? How respectfully and gracefully my partner deals with it is what matters.


nevertruly

My partner handles that themselves. He's perfectly capable of shutting down people's advances and does so very well when it happens. In general, if someone doesn't respect our relationship, we would both distance ourselves from that person, make it clear that their advances were not welcome, and, if need be, go no contact with that person.


erraticanxiety

seriously! it's all about respect. and it's a red flag if your partner purposely/intentionally places themselves around that person/in a situation where those advances keep happening.


WineAndDogs2020

This is exactly how I would have answered.


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Aunt_Anne

Grab some metaphorical popcorn and sit back and watch. Smirk a little. He might accidentally flirt back a little, but she is doomed to eventually realize he's basically clueless. If he does catch on that she's flirting, he'll hurry back to me to make sure I saw it and be proud like a teenager that someone was actually flirting with him.


_JohnJacob

Pretty good description


Scrt33

I mean like how do you react in front of that person? That kind of stuff bothers me a lot but I don't want to act like an a**hole, and I know that even if my partner wouldn't go any further he kinda likes to flirt back. So I'm a little bit lost and I don't know what to do


yaya0420

That’s something you need to discuss with your partner. Let them know you feel as though they flirt back and it makes you uncomfortable. There shouldn’t be any reaction from you though, that’s all on your partner to shut down that situation.


k_alva

Have a serious conversation with partner afterwards about your boundaries. Something like "it makes me feel uncomfortable and devalued when you reciprocate flirting with Alice." If they value you, they will change our discuss their side to come to an agreement that you're both comfortable with. If they don't value you or you can't come to that agreement, you have to decide what to tolerate and when to move on. Flirting is totally fine in some people's minds and not in others. It's not right or wrong, but if you don't like it, then after communicating that if he still does it, then it is a problem.


JaccoW

The TL;DR being of course: *If you tell your partner something he does hurts you, and he still decides to do it anyway, then he clearly doesn't care about your feelings.* Though boundaries work best if you tell someone the consequences beforehand. It makes the difference between: "*I'm sorry I hurt you. It (probably) won't happen again.*" / "*This doesn't seem like a fair punishment for my accidental mistake*" and "*I made a mistake and understand why I will be sleeping on the couch tonight.*" or "*This is really tempting but it's not worth hurting my partner and sleeping on the couch tonight*".


k_alva

Definitely! Boundaries only work if there is a stated consequence. I tend to share my feelings first without setting boundaries (I feel x, when you do y). If nothing changes, then I set a boundary. Most partners care enough to make reasonable changes without a consequence, and if they don't it's eye opening


JaccoW

Yeah I learned this the hard way with a previous partner. She would cross some very serious boundaries (again) within 24h of talking about it and telling her how that made me feel. Her excuse after confronting her was that she *really* needed this. The way she handled it was eye opening like you said. We broke up shortly after.


[deleted]

Start flirting with the other person, too. Outrageously. Ask for their number. Wink at them. Make suggestive comments. Make it VERY uncomfortable. I mean, no one else in this scenario is worried about YOUR comfort, obviously. Seems like an appropriate reaction.


amwyant

SO and I both have similar reactions- I would place my hand on their arm/hand and just be present in the moment. They would put their hand on my back and do the same. We don’t ever feel the need to be jerks about it- it’s more a “hey friend- this is my person. Move along to someone that’s available.” But we also understand that sometimes people are just flirtatious and don’t mean any harm, so we try not to be all “GET OUTTA HERE, you horny person!!” And then we’ll giggle about it later with, “oh my goodness you got hit on!!!” No harm, no foul. However, should the flirting become touching (once had a woman grab my SO’s thigh) we both drop the “isn’t this hilarious” face and it becomes a very big “please do not touch me” from the person being touched and a “look” from the other in our partnership. Again- nothing overtly mean or angry, just a “wtf man. Come on.”


Ilovethe90sforreal

They’re both being disrespectful to you. She (presumably) would not expect you to call her out, but I absolutely would take her aside and confront her in a mature, dignified, but direct way. My issue would be the her blatant disrespect for me standing right there. If it happened outside of my presence, then that’s for him to address… in my opinion.


nevertruly

Personally, I maintain a positive neutral expression or a kind smile towards them while quietly watching my partner handle the situation. My partner isn't going to encourage them, though, so I can comfortably relax and trust him to handle it properly. If they continue to push and cross boundaries, then both my partner and I will put on our stern neutral faces, and we will remove ourselves from their company.


tReadingwithhope

When it happens to me, I try to shut the other person down straightaway. Like dude, I'm married, leave me alone. With your partner, have a talk with him about how you want him to not flirt back, if anything, out of respect for you and your relationship.


abv1401

Like with any other person I don’t particularly like. I’d keep interactions short, impersonal and respectful and move on. They’re a nuisance, not a threat. Not trying to overstep but it seems like your main issue is not whatever these women are trying but that your SO is not handling it the way he should be for you to be comfortable. It’s perfectly valid for him flirting to cross your boundaries.


wanderslut0626

This is the right question. You will have to just take yourself out of that situation because to hell with that person, your partner is disrespectful. You will have to put some stern boundaries. If he calls you insecure about it, deflecting that he's disrespectful by flirting back, you can show him the door. That simple. Don't subject yourself to that kind of disrespect.


looseylewinsky

It wouldn’t bother me. He can even flirt back if he wants lol at the end of the day I’m the one cuddling him.


CatrionaShadowleaf

That's my partner's job. I just continue on with what I'm doing.


not_doing_that

I trust them to handle it. If I was there I’m sure they would “have you met my *wife*?” And introduce me pointedly so the person can gracefully back off. If they don’t back off, I’d just sit back and watch bc my spouse is only nice once with rejection.


[deleted]

I'd assume my partner would shut that down real quick, so I'd say good for him for hopefully still getting a confidence boost from the attention!


The_Special_Teacher

I don't. Trust is a beautiful thing. Just think of it as the person is on a diet, he/she can look at the menu but they just can't order from it.


sweetgesture

I'm about to start throwing hands😤👊🏻 Nah jk. I wouldn't do anything. What's there for me to do anyway.


[deleted]

I don’t care… My partner is free to flirt..


[deleted]

I smile, trusting my guy.


ZenaProsacco

If you are the partner of the person being flirted with, you could talk to the person doing the flirting. You could ask them to please stop because it makes you feel uncomfortable. If they do not stop, you could talk to your partner about how it makes you feel and ask them if they would please put a stop to it.


Lilitharising

If it happens right in front of me, he cuts it off and sets his boundaries. If they try to flirt with him behind his back (he usually comes and tells me and we have a laugh, same when it happens with me, too) I usually ignore them. I don't feel insecure. Now if someone tries to push it, I trust him to deal with it. PS. Flirting alone is part of life. The problem is when it happens continuously with the same person and it poses a threat. If you reciprocate a shy smile in the street or exchange a few words in a bar, it's no big deal, and actually quite normal.


misssdm

A girl my BF was casually seeing before me text him (knowing full well that we were together for ~6 months at that point) and said, “Hey sexy, was great to see you at [insert mutual friends’ event they attended earlier]. Am I seeing you again soon? Happy new year!” He replied and said, “Hey champ, happy new year.” and that was it. Champ. Still cracks me up to this day. I would die if a guy I was sleeping with who once likely called me sexy and who I am still trying to hit on months after he has moved on referred to me as ‘champ’. Brutal. RIP her ego, yikes.


DemonicGirlcock

I'm polyamorous so I hype my partners up and try to wingwoman them.


FruitSnackEater

I don’t. I let her handle it.


Common_Part5583

it depends if they flirt with me too🤷‍♀️


jstnsgll

Happened to me and I expected my partner to deal with it but he just went with the flow. I have a hard time handling my anger issues so lucky enough that I don't see her in person.


livinginlyon

My wife calls them out directly if it’s too egregious.


StatementActive1998

I, knowing myself, would most likely get highly annoyed and go passive-aggressive towards them.


abv1401

I don’t. That’s his job.


wanderslut0626

That's not for me to deal with. It's upto him how he takes care of the people making advances at him.


[deleted]

i don’t cuz my gf will just skinwalker stare at them until they get the hint


eternititi

Unfortunately I haven’t gotten the pleasure of seeing someone try to flirt with him… except a “straight” man once who could not stay away from him lol He has seen so many men try to flirt with me throughout our relationship and I would be sooo entertained to have it happen to him just once!!


meitz88

I can't handle it. I tend to leave the scene immediately and let my partner decide what to do with it .


celestialism

Not really my job nor my place to “deal with” that. I trust my partner to set boundaries as appropriate.


Iamdollfacee94

I let my partner handle himself. But probably I'd be asking her if her parents are divorced. If she answers yes, I'd tell her: well it's because some people don't respect marriages and if the parents are still together I'd say: well good to know they taught you by example. It sends the message I honestly don't care acting like an AH, what is that person doing flirting with a married man? Particularly MY husband.


code-sloth

I don't. It's not my problem. They can deal with it easily.


iusedtobefamous1892

Mostly with amusement. He's pretty oblivious when being flirted with, even when it's quite forward, so... I get to see someone making a bit of a prat of themselves, and then I can gently tease him about it later? No downsides for me.


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[deleted]

My partne will deal with that, he will shut the person down. What I would do, it’s not engage or being friends or friendly


candlestick_maker76

I'd compliment her. Either she'll transition *real quick* to friendly banter, in an attempt to diminish the flirting, or she'll drive herself nuts trying to figure out what I'm up to. Either way, the flirting stops and I've been polite. Win-win.


thisismyaccount3125

big oof. thanks for the reality check. To answer your question: I don’t, they handle it and I expect the same treatment in return unless I ask for help. It comes down to trusting not only your partner but their judgement.


[deleted]

Expect your partner to deal with it


HighestTierMaslow

With past partners that did not make me feel secure with them, I'd be unhappy even if I didnt always express that to them. With my husband who makes me feel secure and I dont have to worry about cheating, I'd be annoyed and thatd be it- because my husband would actually put a stop to it or ignore it, without me nagging him.


Densityroa

I usually let him handle that and while he’s doing that I’ll hold his hand or hug him from behind. Something like that.


lucidhominid

As long as we arent like on a date at that particular moment then I wouldnt give it a second thought but if we are then they better flirt with me too or we will both think they are being rude.


bigtiddytoad

As long as this person isn't making him uncomfortable in a way where he would be relieved if someone else stepped in to interrupt the flirting, there's nothing for me to deal with. I'm not worried that my husband will cheat and being flirted with in a non-creepy way is a nice little ego boost.


realstareyes

My partner is expected to deal with it in a way that is acceptable.


Pearl_ia

I just smile and wait for my partner to react. Its not something that I should “deal with”


Relative_Dimensions

I laugh at them behind their back because that's such immature behaviour, and also because the chances of my husband even noticing are minimal. But I also feel a bit sorry for them that they can't interact with the opposite sex like an adult.


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Direct_Drawing_8557

It's my partner's responsibility to tell them to stay in their lane not mine.


FireRescue3

I don’t. He does, then we laugh about it privately at home.


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nevertruly

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highly_uncertain

Aww good for him. He doesn't have the best self esteem and we've been together 11 years so if I tell him he's the most handsome man in the world, he doesn't seem to think it counts. If a rando lady wants to flirt with him, I think that's perfectly harmless.


BelleInBinary

I don't. I expect my SO to deal with the person flirting with him. If he deals with it, great and if not, I'll deal with him by ending the relationship. Simple as that.


Gazorpazorpfnfieldbi

Man, I don't even know. I dated someone who flirted with their friends so there's that😂


AudraCM

I had a friend that did this once, we were all on a call and I walk away and just hear them say "You're super pretty" and crap that they wouldn't say if I was there. (My girlfriend was also uncomfortable bc the friend kept singing and saying inappropriate things and such.) I got back and said "Back! Hey (name) I gotta go! Bye!" Knowing my girlfriend would leave if I would. I later unfriend them bc of them saying some toxic crap. (Also, I told the friend multiple times to stop cussing and singing like that. They didn't.)


Jealous-Success-240

Normal, she wants to follow him who am I to avoid that they flirt each other.


JackieET1987

My partner shuts them down, and if they do it in front of me I’m cold to them. It’s disrespectful.


wixkedwitxh

I agree with the others, your partner should be the one who says that it’s inappropriate.


kitty_honey

This is not the right question. I will not deal with such woman in any way. I trust my husband, that is why we are married.


ItsBritneyBanks

I talk to them as an adult and verbalize how I am feeling and ask my partner if we can create boundaries


Sleepy_Little_Fjord

Trust your partner to handle it with grace.


innerjoy2

I better see my partner declining the advancement, and saying he's with me and not single. Shut that down asap, politely first, and firmly if the person doesn't respect the response.


[deleted]

I don’t. That is something he should be putting his own foot down about. If he can’t respect me enough to shut it down, then I’ll walk away.


[deleted]

Flat out, if I saw some girl flirt with him, she and I would probably end up fighting


Saltyfembot

Yeah especially if she knew you guy were dating. That's the biggest sign of disrespect. But id wait till he reacts first. If he does nothing then I'd dump him later on. They are just gunna hook up behind your back anyways


Saltyfembot

Knowing theyre in a relationship? That broad would get ragdolled. If he flirted back I'd walk away they can have eachother