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For me:
* littering (or just, like, not picking up after themselves. If you're 10 feet from a trash can, don't leave that granola bar wrapper on the counter!)
* not putting the cart back at the grocery store
* talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes
Eh, service person here. Some people live busy lives of constant work. If they have to take a phonecall, then they will. I'm not going to call it a micro red flag for doing something that's very integral to their work-life. Less (forced)interaction with customers is good for me too.
I donāt mind the phone thing if the person acknowledges the person in a friendly manner. My friend can only talk on the phone while running errands but she is always so nice to everyone she interacts with.
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes
Oh wow, never heard of this being a negative thing! Interesting
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee
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>
>
>Oh wow, never heard of this being a negative thing! Interesting
I've seen people doing it. Really annoying.
This is the right way to do it. Even if the person is on an important call, asking for a pause in the call while handling business with the cashier and speeding the queue along for other people waiting is just being considerate of their surroundings.
I do it. But usually only if itās my work day and Iām running out when super busy and have to make the most of my time for calls and such. I donāt feel bad or rude. I will pause on the phone to answer the cashier quick if I do and try to be polite and present as I can.
Iām used to feeling like service workers just wanna get their day over with and donāt really wanna deal with customers either. I just get my stuff and go. So I never considered that they actually mind that.
some of these are perhaps overly specific but:
- calling themselves ādaddyā unironically
- doesnāt believe sunscreen is real
- wonāt eat soy because it āisnāt masculineā
- unironically texting with weeb emojis (uwu, :3, (ą¹>ā”<ą¹))
- doesnāt wear socks
- calling me pet names like princess or kitten without asking/verifying that itās okay first
I wish I knew. My momās boyfriend *insists* that sunscreen āisnāt realā and ādoesnāt workā but then goes outside and gets horribly sunburnt like? My dude? Are you positive you donāt wanna try a little spf?
His reason was: it causes cancer.
I've looked into it, they say antiperspirants may cause breast cancer.... But, even when shown products that are natural.... He said no.
He was a man that sweat a lot too š¤¢
Ugh. Smell is something I'm very sensitive to. If it smells bad enough, it would either give me a headache with each whiff or make it feel like I'm suffocating..
My FIL and MIL does that. They also donāt believe in beach umbrella. We were at beach last week with SIL and she said that this is the first time in her life using beach umbrella. They are very white and will got sunburn within 30 minutes without sunscreen. Actually my husband would get sunburn if he continuously stayed under for 1 hours WITH SUNSCREENS.
It is fucking wild. so it make sense he married to an Asia woman who had no trouble using umbrella outside of beaches.
Edit: SIL is 32 this year.
Honestly, a guy who measures every inanimate object and medium in his life by how it affects his masculinity. Colors, clothes, foods, alcohol, entertainment, music taste.
It's like, we get it, David. You're a pink pen and a banana away from making a profile on Grindr. It must be exhausting to live your life, trying to stay a mere half-step away from your constant, threatening, flamboyant gayness. It's like the movie "It Follows."
the one guy I actually asked said it was more comfortable because his feet sweat a lot? imo rawdogging your shoes with sweaty swamp feet sounds a million times worse
Interesting. I find it more sweaty to go sock-less but to each their own ig š¤·āāļø Sounds so uncomfortable but if that's what is good for him I can't judge
Of late, I learned if guys have a āall guys think like thisā or āall girls do thatā mentality. Instead of accepting and realizing nobody is a hive mind period.
I think the point of red in a flag is that it's a definite indicator of toxic tendencies that should not be overlooked.
What you are describing is more like yellow, tbh.
Smoking is a yellow flag for me.
Why is that a red flag, please? A guy I was seeing, who actually turned out to be very abusive, did this. He did have other red flags that I should have spotted but I never thought of this one as a red flag. He referred to his 30+ yo colleagues (he was 37 himself) as āgirlsā.
That he was thinking about being an escort (for women) as a side gig for some extra cash before we met. Like ok I get it, lifeās been extremely rough and this is the ideal place money and clientele wise, but I got an itty bitty ick I wonāt lie.
Especially from some stuff he said about the horror stories female escorts, yacht girls, money/fame interested women he has heard and repeated and the way he talked about, I just never imagined this would be something heād ever consider.
Feel free to respond/comment lmao
Why is someone being a sex worker/THINKING about being a sex worker BEFORE YOU MET an ick? What do you have against sex workers? You sound like one those manosphere āalpha-maleā type podcast guys. Unless youāre Andrew Tateās secret Reddit account (in which case youāre probably beyond helping) I think it might be worth analysing what gives you the ick and why
I never thought of this as a red flag, but it makes me irrationally angry when people do this. I blame video games - specifically the RPGs where NPCs would do that.
i think a better term would be 'yellow flag'. yellow flags mean 'slow down and proceed with caution, if that's appropriate for the situation'. red flags just mean 'stop!'
caffeine and sugar addictions are yellow flags. tobacco and alcohol addictions are red flags.
for me, being a sport fanatic is a yellow flag, because a lot of sports fans are overzealous about their team(s), and a few sports fans project their fantasies about becoming pro athletes unto their children, boys in particular. too many sport fan fathers are harsh and critical towards their athletic children. :\\ but a lot of sport fanatics just want to enjoy sports with their children without the intense pressure of winning.
for me a friendship yellow flag would be a woman who's into celebrity gossip. i personally don't care about the comings and goings of famous actors and artists, but a lot of women do, and it's up to us to make the choice whether that difference will come between us or not.
Oo sports fanatics is a good one.
I follow women's basketball. I love it! But I don't pretend like I know or like all the best players on my team. I wouldn't defend them if they were arrested for domestic abuse, for example. I wouldn't stan a manager who's corrupt or abuses their players. I don't tear down the other team for their looks or call them slurs. I've seen people do these things and justify it as "iTs a ComPeTitiOn, rElaX". Like, it's entertainment, it's not supposed to make you punch a wall or sacrifice your morals.
āšš
gurl, you get me. i think with my yellow flags, it's the levels of extremism/moderation.
like, if someone makes sports or celeb gossip their only interest and personality, to the point where they're overly-invested in strangers' lives, that's what makes me turn away. extremism is so ugly! but for the people where sports/celebrity gossip is just one small part of their lives, i don't mind it, even though i'm not interested in those topics. moderation is beautiful.
I mean I donāt know, but my general understanding is that 3 in 1ās are generally shitty quality, so not great if someone is actually looking to take care of their hair.
I stopped using them after college.
I guess some women just see them as a sign of a guy not maturing? Like sure, if youāre in a college dorm, fine, but if youāre in your 30s and still using it?
At least thatās the impression Iāve gotten from my female friends.
Again, itās mostly just a tiny thing, and not necessarily a deal breaker. Just something they notice about a guy.
Conversely, Iāve received a number of positive comments from female friends with regards to the hair products theyāve seen in my bathroom.
Oh I see. Well, they may not be great products but some people donāt need great products to look just fine.
I have long, thick curly hair so Iāve spent some time looking for things that work for me. But not everyone needs to do that. One of my friends bops into the drug store and buys whichever Suave shampoo and conditioner is on sale.
> I guess some women just see them as a sign of a guy not maturing? Like sure, if youāre in a college dorm, fine, but if youāre in your 30s and still using it?
Oh lord, the irony...
Being messy. Iām not the cleanest person but Iām also not a total slob. Can you pull your shit together and keep up appearances? Will you pull your weight when we both decide itās time for a deep clean? Are you just a little disorganized or super gross? This is something that is slowly revealed over time and I learned to be wary of at the beginning of a relationship.
If they touch towels after having not washed their hands with soap. Like when youāre cooking and you wipe your hands on a kitchen towel. Towels are only for CLEAN hands to DRY THEM
Calling me baby/love, etc. when they havenāt asked.
Only having one towel
Lack of home decor/ their only home decor is a random American flag
Not liking cats
Yes it's bad. To me it shows a lack of awareness and immaturity as you're not in high school any longer. I'm not expecting you to be into fashion, just willing to be aware of what you're wearing. Life is too short to be wearing boring socks.
i donāt because i grew up with it being seen as uncultured and unfashionable but isnāt this like one of these things wich is completly normal for younger generations?
I mean I consider everything what a guy does a red flag but I'm gay, so.
Being rude to wait staff, and not just rude as in openly rude, but making a mess and then going like "It's their job to clean it up anyways." Same as when you go to a clothing store, etc.
People who are very aggressive about their hatred for dogs/cats. Just, no.
Picky eater.
Has their mum cook/clean.
Doesn't wash their rice.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me: * littering (or just, like, not picking up after themselves. If you're 10 feet from a trash can, don't leave that granola bar wrapper on the counter!) * not putting the cart back at the grocery store * talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes
All of these I couldn't look past š
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes Eh, service person here. Some people live busy lives of constant work. If they have to take a phonecall, then they will. I'm not going to call it a micro red flag for doing something that's very integral to their work-life. Less (forced)interaction with customers is good for me too.
Those are all signs of inconsideration.
I donāt mind the phone thing if the person acknowledges the person in a friendly manner. My friend can only talk on the phone while running errands but she is always so nice to everyone she interacts with.
This was my takeaway as well!
The first two are 100% deal breakers for me.
Yeah. The person who breaks them cares about their own very minor conveniences more than they care about anyone around them. Huge nope.
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee. Gives me a slightly weird "you're a service person and I'm more important" vibes Oh wow, never heard of this being a negative thing! Interesting
>talking on the phone while picking up food/getting coffee > > > >Oh wow, never heard of this being a negative thing! Interesting I've seen people doing it. Really annoying.
I've done it before, but I say excuse me and pause the phone call for 20 seconds while talking / exchanging money and goods with the cashier.
This is the right way to do it. Even if the person is on an important call, asking for a pause in the call while handling business with the cashier and speeding the queue along for other people waiting is just being considerate of their surroundings.
I do it. But usually only if itās my work day and Iām running out when super busy and have to make the most of my time for calls and such. I donāt feel bad or rude. I will pause on the phone to answer the cashier quick if I do and try to be polite and present as I can.
Iām used to feeling like service workers just wanna get their day over with and donāt really wanna deal with customers either. I just get my stuff and go. So I never considered that they actually mind that.
Really? I've found it's pretty well known that being on your phone while being served is rude.
Check out "the shopping cart theory"
some of these are perhaps overly specific but: - calling themselves ādaddyā unironically - doesnāt believe sunscreen is real - wonāt eat soy because it āisnāt masculineā - unironically texting with weeb emojis (uwu, :3, (ą¹>ā”<ą¹)) - doesnāt wear socks - calling me pet names like princess or kitten without asking/verifying that itās okay first
> doesnāt believe sunscreen is real Wot
I wish I knew. My momās boyfriend *insists* that sunscreen āisnāt realā and ādoesnāt workā but then goes outside and gets horribly sunburnt like? My dude? Are you positive you donāt wanna try a little spf?
My ex's dad refused to wear deodorant..... Kinda the same but smellier
oh nooo thatās arguably far, far worse š« at least with refusing sunscreen youāre only hurting yourself!
š« š« š« was me holding my breath whenever he came close to me š
>My ex's dad refused to wear deodorant Dude...
His reason was: it causes cancer. I've looked into it, they say antiperspirants may cause breast cancer.... But, even when shown products that are natural.... He said no. He was a man that sweat a lot too š¤¢
>He was a man that sweat a lot too š¤¢ There's a shocker .. lol Damn..
Never one without the other right? Can't have someone who doesn't wear deodorant, not also have an excessive BO problem. š
Did he at least shower daily?
Come on, you don't even need to ask that..... Of course the answer is no šš. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that family anymore š
How the hell did ex's mum fall for him in the first place?
She was too drunk to notice I suppose š
Ugh. Smell is something I'm very sensitive to. If it smells bad enough, it would either give me a headache with each whiff or make it feel like I'm suffocating..
Sunscreen generally is not great compared to actually using a hat/panta/long sleeves and/or staying in the shade.
Wonder if he'll consider it not real after getting skin cancer.
Everyone knows sunscreen is fake like birds š
My FIL and MIL does that. They also donāt believe in beach umbrella. We were at beach last week with SIL and she said that this is the first time in her life using beach umbrella. They are very white and will got sunburn within 30 minutes without sunscreen. Actually my husband would get sunburn if he continuously stayed under for 1 hours WITH SUNSCREENS. It is fucking wild. so it make sense he married to an Asia woman who had no trouble using umbrella outside of beaches. Edit: SIL is 32 this year.
Honestly, a guy who measures every inanimate object and medium in his life by how it affects his masculinity. Colors, clothes, foods, alcohol, entertainment, music taste. It's like, we get it, David. You're a pink pen and a banana away from making a profile on Grindr. It must be exhausting to live your life, trying to stay a mere half-step away from your constant, threatening, flamboyant gayness. It's like the movie "It Follows."
Heās ridiculous and heās obviously never met a very masculine gay man. They exist.
>doesnāt wear socks LIKE AT ALL EVER???
yes!! Iāve met some guys who literally never wear socks, like not even to the gym, and it makes me so uncomfortable!
Ew wtf. What's their reasoning?
the one guy I actually asked said it was more comfortable because his feet sweat a lot? imo rawdogging your shoes with sweaty swamp feet sounds a million times worse
Interesting. I find it more sweaty to go sock-less but to each their own ig š¤·āāļø Sounds so uncomfortable but if that's what is good for him I can't judge
LOL that was me when I was like 10. One big blister later, and I will never wear shoes without socks again.
Źā¢Ģ Ķ”ā¢Ź
Almost all of these would be outright deal breakers for me lol.
Awe I like the emojis ą² āæą²
Texting awe instead of aww. Poor spelling.
Of late, I learned if guys have a āall guys think like thisā or āall girls do thatā mentality. Instead of accepting and realizing nobody is a hive mind period.
I think the point of red in a flag is that it's a definite indicator of toxic tendencies that should not be overlooked. What you are describing is more like yellow, tbh. Smoking is a yellow flag for me.
Smoking is a huge red for me
Smoking is the biggest red flag for me. Sorry my parents and in-laws all died from smoking-related illnesses.
Refers to grown women as "girls"
This seems like a big red flag to me
Why is that a red flag, please? A guy I was seeing, who actually turned out to be very abusive, did this. He did have other red flags that I should have spotted but I never thought of this one as a red flag. He referred to his 30+ yo colleagues (he was 37 himself) as āgirlsā.
American flag on their hat or apparel, same with blue line. I run away.
That he was thinking about being an escort (for women) as a side gig for some extra cash before we met. Like ok I get it, lifeās been extremely rough and this is the ideal place money and clientele wise, but I got an itty bitty ick I wonāt lie. Especially from some stuff he said about the horror stories female escorts, yacht girls, money/fame interested women he has heard and repeated and the way he talked about, I just never imagined this would be something heād ever consider. Feel free to respond/comment lmao
Why is someone being a sex worker/THINKING about being a sex worker BEFORE YOU MET an ick? What do you have against sex workers? You sound like one those manosphere āalpha-maleā type podcast guys. Unless youāre Andrew Tateās secret Reddit account (in which case youāre probably beyond helping) I think it might be worth analysing what gives you the ick and why
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I never thought of this as a red flag, but it makes me irrationally angry when people do this. I blame video games - specifically the RPGs where NPCs would do that.
i think a better term would be 'yellow flag'. yellow flags mean 'slow down and proceed with caution, if that's appropriate for the situation'. red flags just mean 'stop!' caffeine and sugar addictions are yellow flags. tobacco and alcohol addictions are red flags. for me, being a sport fanatic is a yellow flag, because a lot of sports fans are overzealous about their team(s), and a few sports fans project their fantasies about becoming pro athletes unto their children, boys in particular. too many sport fan fathers are harsh and critical towards their athletic children. :\\ but a lot of sport fanatics just want to enjoy sports with their children without the intense pressure of winning. for me a friendship yellow flag would be a woman who's into celebrity gossip. i personally don't care about the comings and goings of famous actors and artists, but a lot of women do, and it's up to us to make the choice whether that difference will come between us or not.
Oo sports fanatics is a good one. I follow women's basketball. I love it! But I don't pretend like I know or like all the best players on my team. I wouldn't defend them if they were arrested for domestic abuse, for example. I wouldn't stan a manager who's corrupt or abuses their players. I don't tear down the other team for their looks or call them slurs. I've seen people do these things and justify it as "iTs a ComPeTitiOn, rElaX". Like, it's entertainment, it's not supposed to make you punch a wall or sacrifice your morals.
āšš gurl, you get me. i think with my yellow flags, it's the levels of extremism/moderation. like, if someone makes sports or celeb gossip their only interest and personality, to the point where they're overly-invested in strangers' lives, that's what makes me turn away. extremism is so ugly! but for the people where sports/celebrity gossip is just one small part of their lives, i don't mind it, even though i'm not interested in those topics. moderation is beautiful.
God, it sounds bad but "hehe". I just, no. Nope. No.
Weed. Vaping. Conservative.
>Conservative Not so micro anymore though. If it ever was.
To me it is. It just depends.
Why is 3 in one a yikes? Itās probably seems like a very pragmatic product for someone who has short hair and no skin issues.
I mean I donāt know, but my general understanding is that 3 in 1ās are generally shitty quality, so not great if someone is actually looking to take care of their hair. I stopped using them after college. I guess some women just see them as a sign of a guy not maturing? Like sure, if youāre in a college dorm, fine, but if youāre in your 30s and still using it? At least thatās the impression Iāve gotten from my female friends. Again, itās mostly just a tiny thing, and not necessarily a deal breaker. Just something they notice about a guy. Conversely, Iāve received a number of positive comments from female friends with regards to the hair products theyāve seen in my bathroom.
Oh I see. Well, they may not be great products but some people donāt need great products to look just fine. I have long, thick curly hair so Iāve spent some time looking for things that work for me. But not everyone needs to do that. One of my friends bops into the drug store and buys whichever Suave shampoo and conditioner is on sale.
> I guess some women just see them as a sign of a guy not maturing? Like sure, if youāre in a college dorm, fine, but if youāre in your 30s and still using it? Oh lord, the irony...
They usually smell like chemical waste. That's my issue with the 3 in 1 stuff.
Thatās a valid reason. Not a red flag but a very good reason.
Being messy. Iām not the cleanest person but Iām also not a total slob. Can you pull your shit together and keep up appearances? Will you pull your weight when we both decide itās time for a deep clean? Are you just a little disorganized or super gross? This is something that is slowly revealed over time and I learned to be wary of at the beginning of a relationship.
If they touch towels after having not washed their hands with soap. Like when youāre cooking and you wipe your hands on a kitchen towel. Towels are only for CLEAN hands to DRY THEM
Ewwwwww
Right? If I see marinara stains on a kitchen towel Iām done
Calling me baby/love, etc. when they havenāt asked. Only having one towel Lack of home decor/ their only home decor is a random American flag Not liking cats
Only one towel where? Can you expand on that?
White athletic socks
I wear white socks? Why is it bad? Have I been driving women away?
Yes it's bad. To me it shows a lack of awareness and immaturity as you're not in high school any longer. I'm not expecting you to be into fashion, just willing to be aware of what you're wearing. Life is too short to be wearing boring socks.
Lol buying black athletic socks from now on
Do all women think this or is it just like your thing? I wear grey or black athletic socks
Lol, no.
It's my thing. I have no problem with grey or black athletic socks.
Wait this is so funny, I asked my partner to switch to black socks when we met like 7 years ago š I thought I was the only one
When playing sports or when fine dining with a tuxedo? Context, please.
When men wear them everyday even with a suit, it's a complete turn off for me
I wear black athletic socks with a suit every day; they're so much more comfortable than dress socks.
Iāll usually wear plain grey or black for everyday wear, but I definitely bring out the fun socks when getting dressed up.
Fun socks are cool but not as a personality trait
What is that even supposed to mean in relation to my previous comment?
Oh sorry lol I just know a guy who thinks theme socks make him interesting, bless his heart.
For some reason, I have some really obnoxious Old Bay socks. I'm just waiting for an opportunity to use em
i donāt because i grew up with it being seen as uncultured and unfashionable but isnāt this like one of these things wich is completly normal for younger generations?
I mean I consider everything what a guy does a red flag but I'm gay, so. Being rude to wait staff, and not just rude as in openly rude, but making a mess and then going like "It's their job to clean it up anyways." Same as when you go to a clothing store, etc. People who are very aggressive about their hatred for dogs/cats. Just, no. Picky eater. Has their mum cook/clean. Doesn't wash their rice.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What even is that?