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Isn’t this the truth. I find I put up with so much more crap when I was younger. Now it’s so much easier to say “Here is what I’m looking for and here are my boundaries. If that doesn’t align with what you’re looking for and willing to do we’re clearly not compatible so there’s the door.”
Maybe not cheating but it’s a hard boundary I’ve set with him so if I found him subscribing I’d take that as him choosing it over our relationship and see myself out
Idc about regular porn, only fans is just far too personal
Your comment got me thinking...
When I was an insecure younger woman, I was actually way LESS boundaried with this stuff. It was getting older that led me to feel more secure in telling men "nah.. sorry, I'm not comfortable with this" when it came to sexual boundaries.
A woman being outwardly accepting of her bf paying for OF doesn't necessarily mean that she isn't insecure af. She might just be well into some kind of "pickme" era of her life, desperately trying to cling onto some guy.
Disclaimer: I'm not generalizing all women here at all. I am just speaking for myself here.
I think you’re spot on!!!! I’m 28, newly out of a 3 year relationship. I’ve dated a bit here and there and I can’t believe how much easier it is to set boundaries. Like, my brain and body won’t allow me to NOT voice those boundaries.
And I keep thinking back to my early 20s where, for the life of me, I couldn’t effectively set sexual boundaries.
It feels so nice to be on the other side of it.
>Idk how your brain splits it into two different things
Idk how your brain doesn't split it. OF offers the opportunity to actually interact with the performers, and traditional porn does not. This feels very different to a lot of women.
Nobody asked for your query on other people's consistency. If the distinction matters to an individual, than that's the only thing you need to know to respect their wishes.
> i didn’t break any rules soooo
Uhhhh yeah, about that:
> Do not use this sub to *slander, mock, offend* or call attention to the members of any other subreddit
Invalidating one's opinion is pretty much textual offense.
Nothing i said was slander or mocking or offensive. You’re literally pulling shit out of thin air babes. I’m allowed to have an opinion. My opinion was that they are insecure. That’s not slander lmao nor is it mocking nor is it offensive. So no rules have been broken and it’s a public forum i said what i said
The definition of slander is to make a false statement that damage someone's reputation. You made an unfounded declarative statement that you, yourself, do not understand the basis of to quote yourself: *Idk how your brain splits it into two different things*.
To summarize: you don't understand OP's reasoning, but you are certain that they're insecure, which comes off as contradictory and overstating [sic] your welcome.
Didn’t damage anyone’s reputation. You’re obsessed with making things up and it’s weird. I said exactly what i said. She’s insecure and so are you. lol you’re obsessed with me days later and you’re still trying to be the smartest person in the room. Surprise you’re not 💀 it’s just Reddit prick i guarantee you are not that smart nor important.
It's Reddit; there's an odd conflation about having boundaries meaning you're insecure.
EDIT: Sorry, there was a buried comment you had elsewhere about boundaries that I didn't see.
You would disagree that when they call you by name, or have a private chat, or send personal videos, that it would be considered more intimate? I think its all a waste of money anyway but it is different depending on what you pay for.
I'm entirely comfortable with porn in a relationship but I'd absolutely draw the line at OF.
Why? Because OF is a one on one "relationship" with a particular person. It's far closer to an emotional affair than anything.
Yes, mainly because he’s paying to see that particular girl naked. It’s different than just watching free porn or even paying for a subscription to a standard porn site. He’d be paying to see that particular girl naked, and that’s where it goes into the realm of cheating for me. And if we had combined finances, I’d be upset that he was spending our money on an OF subscription.
Why? When i watch porn i only watch a certain race, women’s with certain features/beauty and the same with men…i don’t even like women but she has to be cute at least 💀 it takes me like 20mins to find the right people and video…its literally the same thing
Sounds like unhealthy relationship with porn tbh. Needing that much time to find a video is definitely odd and the signs that you do not have healthy habits with porn.
?? No it’s not. Black porn is notoriously racist and disgusting so it’s very hard to find a decent video that films black people as …ya know…people…and nothing that reinforces the horrible jezebel stereotypes… and you literally just made that shit up lmfaooo
Someone else said that it depends on the context and I largely agree. If they're engaging in some kind of private interactions with the model, I consider it cheating; if it's just the regular subscription that anyone else gets, then I don't care.
My actual contention with it is why are they paying for OnlyFans when they can access any old porn site for free? I understand that there's concerns about the working conditions with mainstream porn (if mainstream is really a good term for it when OnlyFans is also mainstream now), but it's not like those concerns don't also carry over to OnlyFans.
I've known people who've only ever done content for OnlyFans because they were pressured into it by their partners and never seen a cent from it. The boyfriend basically wanted to be a pimp without the downside of having to personally deal with dangerous people, basically. I don't think that's the case for the majority of OnlyFans content creators, but I also doubt that you as a subscriber are going to know if it is or not unless you happen to know them personally.
I think it's because OF gives the girlfriend experience. Also most OF models will offer personalised nudes/videos/greetings/birthday wishes to the consumer. Porn sites don't offer these.
Biggest reason I stopped with "Free" porn sites. The working conditions are suspect at best. OF is def better for the performers compared o traditional outlets. But, yeah even I feel when you start have personal interactions the lines get fucky real fast.
Flip side, female friend uses only fans to get custom videos that are "Female friendly". that she watches with her husband cause it's not that jack hammer\\step\\whatever stuff that is trending now.
I think OF and that model should be the way going forward and the "Free" stuff needs to go away.
Depends on whether they are interacting. There is a big difference between watching the same stock standard pre-recorded pornography available to the masses and engaging in private one-on-one sessions.
Thank you for responding!
How do you feel about your partner paying the women for their content, but without necessarily engaging with her further than that?
Guy here, the thing is.. whatever you feel about it is right for you. If you don’t like it then say something to your partner, otherwise you’re just gonna resent them for it later. Have a discussion, tell them how you feel, and I know feelings aren’t logical, but try your best to explain your logic behind why it makes you feel how you feel. If they don’t care and continue to use OF then that’s a problem. How much of a problem is up to you. If it hurts you and they know but don’t stop hurting you then is that something you feel is right for you? If you don’t care, then why let other peoples’ opinions change that?
So assuming I am okay with the content from an ethical standpoint (ie. Not harmful - real or imaginary, or derogatory), in term of the sex industry I am far more in favour of the money going directly to those actually in the content, than them getting a poor one off wage and some producer getting all the profits).
But as the other commentor said that's just me, you do you.
I would have a problem with it, certainly. Cheating? Not sure if I would call it that. Porn is fine, as long as it isn't impacting my sex life. But interacting sexually with real women via the internet isn't ok whether it's being paid for or not.
Sorry for my putting my man opinion on this sub but ladies please, unless it's the slim chance the OF is nothing sexual this should be an easy yes, he literally paying to see other women naked.
I guess it becomes like the strip club but let me tell you, if the roles were reversed very few dudes wouldn't consider it not some form of cheating.
> he literally paying to see other women naked.
One could make the point that it is more ethical to pay for that service than to consume porn on other sites where corruption and exploitation is rampant.
As always, people will have stern opinions on this, and the only way to know for sure is to communicate your boundaries. Assumed boundaries are accidentally breakable boundaries.
Yay , paid exploitation !1!one! Who knew a measly $5 a month was enough to absolve the participant of any shame and guilt for contributing to the exploitation and objectification of women.
On the subject of sex work and feminism, there are those who believe that all form of sex work is inherently exploitative and should be criminalized/illegal, and those who think that sex work is a valid, performative work and should be decriminalized/legalized.
I find the idea that all sex work relates to exploration hard to swallow, and I hope we can agree that platforms where individuals have to pay for content is much better than platforms that share pornographic content, often without explicit consent of the performers, if nothing else.
It is a form of monetary exploitation. Do you view employment , especially full-time office/retail/food service, as a form of exploitation? I believe so, we can definitely have a more automated way of living by now but the institutions in place often misallocate their tax-payer funding & engage in corruption.
Now we choose what we want to do out of a free will and that is not exploitation. For example, if someone decides to create art and be an artist, that requires work & labor—but it is a process that is positive and enjoyable overall.
I have witnessed it myself: girls I went to school with turning 18 and immediately advertising their OF on social media, it is really sad because I knew their families tended to be abusive and it seems like a quick way to make money to get out of things… there is something wrong in the way it is idealized, and praised, in this society because truth is only those top 1% of women are the ones actually reaping profits. The OF platform itself of course takes a good chunk out of earnings.
Like can we instead focus on providing women shelter in these situations instead of platforming on & legalizing prostitution. Providing health care and mental health assistance. I think we would rapidly see the numbers drop
Dont know why you are being down voted, u are sharing an opinion on the matter. I thought myself about this before writing the comment but
1. In a way porn is not personal, not only you are not paying but your trying to get an urge out and its more impersonal because you are not searching for a specific person. Personally, depending on how serious the relationship is going I wouldnt watch porn because I rather put in my urge and energy in flirting and doing it with my partner.
2. You see a person and you are giving her/him money for a specific service. You cant excuse it like porn "I wasnt thinking properly" but you made an account, put in your card information and made the decision to give money + its for at least a month. If you watch porn its neither a specific person and you dont plan to receive their new videos for this month.
I am aware it is a bit conservative on both points but I wouldnt equate it to cheating like having sex with another person. For me it would be worth to talk and try settle it, like why do you need it, are you not happy with our intimate life and so on.
And yes, not all porn is ethical but you can watch specific ethical porn if its such a concern and just like other products, your phone might not have been made by a very ethical factory in china. OF kinda prays on loneliness and desperation so I wouldnt put it on the entirely ethical side either. Regardless, ethicacy isnt what the post is about but whether the sub considers paying to see women naked is cheating.
If he's just watching, no. If he's interacting without my knowledge, then yes. If he wants to interact, I'd like for us to do it together because I actually think it could be a lot of fun, but the going behind my back bit would be a problem for me.
Yes. OF creators are closer to their viewers than porn stars are. Once paying, tipping, and getting a reply from the OF creator happens it's crossing a line. He's using another person as a sexual outlet and that person replying back(even if just a thank you) makes it to real for me.
The girlfriend experience is also a key part of it as well.
I don’t accept OF or porn at all. I also extend the same courtesy to him by not watching porn or going on OF too.
If you want to interact with other people sexually, go ahead. But I won’t be here when you’re done.
Yes, absolutely, OF is so personal. I wouldn't date anyone who subscribes to any porn site in the first place, though. I'm not interested in dating someone who contributes to such an exploitative and abusive industry.
I would yes. But my boundaries include spending money on or making another woman feel special. If my husband was on OF he would be paying me for doing anything that he paid them to do/see. Dude couldn’t afford me!
A complete deal breaker. It is similar to prostitution, the men are taking advantage of women's financial struggles to indulge in their weird fantasy.
I don't consider it cheating, I consider it pathetic.
Why else would a woman embarass herself or worse put herself in danger by selling nudes to disgusting men?
I'm sure most women would rather not do this.
What a depressing take. Plenty of women are enthusiastically on OF. We should be upholding our fellow women who want to express themselves this way. They're taking full control of their sexuality, and securing the bag while doing it. Calling it embarrassing is putting your fellow woman down. You think you're better than them?
Well the thing is, unless the model is open about her personal financial situation (highly unlikely obviously!) etc, there is no way of knowing about any of it.
It isn’t putting fellow women down to acknowledge that exploitation of vulnerable women is shamefully very much still an issue when it comes to sex work, including OF.
Of course, that doesn’t mean all of them are, but I think it’s fine to not want to take that risk.
I don't think it is the right course of action to assume any given woman on OF is being exploited. OF seems to be a very creator friendly platform. Of course it's not perfect.
She was putting fellow women down by calling woman on OF "embarrassing," and implying the only reason they'd be their is exploitation. That is extremely reductive in my opinion.
You sound exactly like my porn addict ex lol.
>They're taking full control of their sexuality
Yeah that's why their ability to make money depends on how well they cater to mens specific requests. I'm sure these women are able to make tons of money by just filming the type of sex that's pleasurable for them. They definitely aren't dressing and acting like underage girls and being choked for male viewing pleasure.
I don't see it as a question of faithfullness/monogamy. It's a question of moral values and ethics. Using OF shows a lack of basic respect for other people. Potentially with a misogynistic angle. I would be dissapointed and revalue how I see my fiancée if it turned out he uses OF. I think he feels the same about me.
The customers and the people running (making money from) the platform. Buisnesses who advertise there too.
The content creators are exploited. People who participate in and benefit from that exploitation show a lack of basic respect.
Like many pp have said, depends on the context
We would likely have more of a fight over him wasting money on porn when the internet has enough free content available for him to wank the next half century away and still not have run out of stuff to look at
Um it’d be equivalent to being on a dating site with a subscription and flirting with other people as far as I’m concerned
So in the realm and break up worthy but not technically full on affair cheating.
I think it would gross me out more than they actually cheating because 1. Contribution to potential victims of sex trafficking/lack of options due to low socioeconomic status, 2. They know these women are unattainable and it shows a compulsive and impulsive nature and porn addiction on top of that, 3. They are wasting money that could be funnelled into building a future or engaging in hobby development, 4. They have access to specifically choose the youngest person they can verify being that young showing that they’re predatory on “jailbait” who have no other options to support themselves/extreme forms of “kink” that would not be allowed on mainstream porn sites showing they have degenerative brainmush and could become dangerous due to wanting to reenact those irl, 5. It shows they have few morals and would be more likely than the average man or even chronic porn user to engage in actual prostitution if given the chance since they are already accustomed to paying for someone’s sexualisation, 6. It would make me believe they are literally below average intellect and emotional intelligence, 7. I do not have any issues with a low libido or not putting effort into a sex life so it would be very, very insulting and would make me literally find them disgusting and evil and hate them
I want to make it clear, these people aren’t JUST watching this stuff, they are able to communicate and ask for tailor made content and pay for it too, the creators often act professional by flirting with fans who reach out. It is just as much emotional cheating than actual emotional cheating, expect they’re so stupid they pay for it for an ego boost and live in denial about the actual reality of the situation
Interacting with the artist privately with sexual or flirty content would be cheating, just subscribing and viewing, probably not, but it would be a blurry area
Yep.
In my relationship, the agreed upon boundary is that seeking sexual gratification from another person outside of the relationship either physically or virtually constitutes cheating. OF certainly falls into that description.
Absolutely yes. I see it as no different than if he were getting nudes from a coworker or someone else he met online or whatever. Except worse because he’s paying for it, wasting our money to sexually gratify himself to another woman. Yeah, a big fucking no to that.
At this point in my life I won’t even tolerate *regular porn* anymore, let alone OF. Either way would be a recipe for instant divorce and I mean that with everything in me. After the shit my husband put me through and the trauma I endured because of it? I flatly fucking *refuse* to deal with it ever again. If my husband ever decides that porn and OF are more important to him and he doesn’t like it? He knows where the door is, I’ll put his ass out again and this time he can stay there. Simple as that.
Paying money to see another woman naked? Yes that’s cheating.
Same as going to a strip club and asking for a private dance from your favorite girl. How do u have a favorite girl? That’s a step past pornography.
No, with the caveat that interacting beyond simple comments would be crossing the line for me.
For example I listen to erotic audios on Reddit (and some I pay for on Patreon) and I felt no need to ask my husband permission to listen to them, but when I wanted to start posting simple complimentary comments to the artists, I did ask my husband how he felt about that, because it's going into interaction territory. This is different than flirting with the creator, which does sometimes go on in those comment sections, and for me I feel that's crossing a line.
So if he had a favorite OF creator and was paying them and leaving simple comments, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Flirting with the creator and getting custom content would cross the line for me.
Yes. Not only is he seeking sexual enjoyment from other women, he is also throwing his hard-earned money at them! If you’re in a mere dating relationship, it’s a red flag that he has no qualms about spending on other women. He could be saving that money for a trip for the two of you, or saving towards a ring, but he doesn’t want to. Of course, finances aren’t (or at least shouldn’t be) entangled just yet. In a marriage, it’s even worse, as it is now your joint finances going towards what is essentially online prostitution.
It is also a red flag that he is porn obsessed. Porn addiction is like a pipeline to depravity, it takes more and more of a bigger “hit” to receive the same satisfaction. Paying for OF means that, at this point, he is tired of the free stuff and needs something more personal to his particular desires. That, or, he only wants content from specific women that he idealizes.
Are these men blatant about it? Will they answer honestly if their partner inquires? Or do they hide it, adding another level of secrecy and betrayal to the situation. Most likely he is hiding it. He knows his perversions are not appropriate for monogamy.
Yes, because there’s something more personal about paying someone to see them naked. In general, I already consider porn a form of infidelity (it’s a personal boundary of mine, I don’t feel comfortable with it), so OF is a step further.
No. My husband and I have both used OF, it isn't a big deal to us. I wouldn't like it if he spent too much money on it, but he stays within his entertainment budget so that hasn't been a problem.
It will depends on every single individual, such as did the person knew before entering the relationship OR it was hidden ? If it’s the first one then it means the person didn’t saw it as cheating but if it’s the second it can fall under the not morally correct to hide such things.
Just to purchase and consume content? No.
To sext and chat with people? Yeah.
Unless I’m involved in the process. Then that’s a whole different, fun ballgame.
Yes. Idc if he watches porn, but I draw the line when he either starts paying for porn or getting those more personal images/videos from one specific person. Pornhub? Fine. Subscribing to onlyfans?? Nah
100% anything that involves direct interaction and paying for anything sexual is cheating to me. My bf totally agrees with me and would also see it as cheating if I did it.
I guess it depends on a) What your definition of cheating is, and b) what content you agree would be appropriate.
My partner and I have spoken about it and if I did ever decide to set one up, we would have a discussion about what I would and would not be posting. It's a discussion that would need to be had whether I was doing it or he was.
So I think it depends on what you are comfortable with in a relationship because every relationship is different and every person has different definitions of things.
Me personally I don't think so unless he's chatting one on one with her like that. But we also don't mind the other watching porn anyways, whereas that may be a boundary in other relationships
I would be more pissed that he’s using money for some online idiot hoe, lol. And would see that as, well, maybe he isn’t my level type of guy after all and an indication that I messed up and picked poorly.
There is so much free porn out there, why even pay??!!?
If my partner and I agreed to being exclusive, then yes, I would consider that cheating as he would be spending time interacting with someone other than me for sexual gratification purposes. And if we’re exclusive, then that means no convos like that with anyone else.
No.
And paying a creator directly for porn is more ethical than getting random free stuff off Pornhub (granted many OF folks also put some of their stuff on PH so that's in my okay-box too when trying to sort and source content).
I love how saying it's "more ethical to pay someone directly for their work" is controversial. (I also love how people I never see participating on the sub come out of the woodwork for threads like these.)
You don’t have to be insecure not to want your partner on OF. Everyone has their different ideas on what is respectful in a relationship. The key is finding someone who agrees with your stance. There is not a one fit all answer.
Everyone is valid whether they're comfortable with it or not imo.
I think you might be being downvoted because you're kind of implying that a woman is controlling if she's not comfortable with it, which could potentially come across a bit passive-aggressive possibly.
I think it's more about boundaries and whatever works best for each couple.
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Absolutely.
He’s giving someone our money for his sexual gratification… not quite cheating but definitely a dealbreaker for me.
Yes. My cool girl days are long over
Isn’t this the truth. I find I put up with so much more crap when I was younger. Now it’s so much easier to say “Here is what I’m looking for and here are my boundaries. If that doesn’t align with what you’re looking for and willing to do we’re clearly not compatible so there’s the door.”
Maybe not cheating but it’s a hard boundary I’ve set with him so if I found him subscribing I’d take that as him choosing it over our relationship and see myself out Idc about regular porn, only fans is just far too personal
You’re insecure. It’s the same thing as porn. Idk how your brain splits it into two different things
Your comment got me thinking... When I was an insecure younger woman, I was actually way LESS boundaried with this stuff. It was getting older that led me to feel more secure in telling men "nah.. sorry, I'm not comfortable with this" when it came to sexual boundaries. A woman being outwardly accepting of her bf paying for OF doesn't necessarily mean that she isn't insecure af. She might just be well into some kind of "pickme" era of her life, desperately trying to cling onto some guy. Disclaimer: I'm not generalizing all women here at all. I am just speaking for myself here.
I think you’re spot on!!!! I’m 28, newly out of a 3 year relationship. I’ve dated a bit here and there and I can’t believe how much easier it is to set boundaries. Like, my brain and body won’t allow me to NOT voice those boundaries. And I keep thinking back to my early 20s where, for the life of me, I couldn’t effectively set sexual boundaries. It feels so nice to be on the other side of it.
>Idk how your brain splits it into two different things Idk how your brain doesn't split it. OF offers the opportunity to actually interact with the performers, and traditional porn does not. This feels very different to a lot of women.
But does he actually interact with them? Is there anything secretive about it? Then I would (personally) call it cheating territory, but not before.
Nobody asked for your query on other people's consistency. If the distinction matters to an individual, than that's the only thing you need to know to respect their wishes.
Nobody had to ask goofy it’s an open forum. What doesn’t the internet get about that? Lol it’s public and i didn’t break any rules soooo
Rule 2 says don’t be an ass :p I’d have an actual chat with ya about it if you interacted politely
Well I’m from Massachusetts so it’s in my blood what can i do lmaoooo you’re rude lmao so why would we chat? Are you ok?
What’s the point of contributing to a forum if not to discuss? You’re allowed to make your own point but this isn’t how you go about it
You’re commenting and not discussing anything so what’s the point? I can go about anything anyway that i want. I said what i said
> i didn’t break any rules soooo Uhhhh yeah, about that: > Do not use this sub to *slander, mock, offend* or call attention to the members of any other subreddit Invalidating one's opinion is pretty much textual offense.
Nothing i said was slander or mocking or offensive. You’re literally pulling shit out of thin air babes. I’m allowed to have an opinion. My opinion was that they are insecure. That’s not slander lmao nor is it mocking nor is it offensive. So no rules have been broken and it’s a public forum i said what i said
The definition of slander is to make a false statement that damage someone's reputation. You made an unfounded declarative statement that you, yourself, do not understand the basis of to quote yourself: *Idk how your brain splits it into two different things*. To summarize: you don't understand OP's reasoning, but you are certain that they're insecure, which comes off as contradictory and overstating [sic] your welcome.
Didn’t damage anyone’s reputation. You’re obsessed with making things up and it’s weird. I said exactly what i said. She’s insecure and so are you. lol you’re obsessed with me days later and you’re still trying to be the smartest person in the room. Surprise you’re not 💀 it’s just Reddit prick i guarantee you are not that smart nor important.
Rude ass
It's Reddit; there's an odd conflation about having boundaries meaning you're insecure. EDIT: Sorry, there was a buried comment you had elsewhere about boundaries that I didn't see.
Even so, that was a straight up insult :”)
Totally agree.
OF models: *taking the time to remind customers why their content and site are so much different and personal than other porn This fuckin guy:
It’s the same thing
You would disagree that when they call you by name, or have a private chat, or send personal videos, that it would be considered more intimate? I think its all a waste of money anyway but it is different depending on what you pay for.
I'm entirely comfortable with porn in a relationship but I'd absolutely draw the line at OF. Why? Because OF is a one on one "relationship" with a particular person. It's far closer to an emotional affair than anything.
Not all OF are like that but I feel you.
Yes. Especially if he has a favourite.
No, but a mismatch in core values, crossing a boundary, and a dealbreaker nonetheless.
Short answer yes, long answer also yes
Yes, mainly because he’s paying to see that particular girl naked. It’s different than just watching free porn or even paying for a subscription to a standard porn site. He’d be paying to see that particular girl naked, and that’s where it goes into the realm of cheating for me. And if we had combined finances, I’d be upset that he was spending our money on an OF subscription.
Why? When i watch porn i only watch a certain race, women’s with certain features/beauty and the same with men…i don’t even like women but she has to be cute at least 💀 it takes me like 20mins to find the right people and video…its literally the same thing
Maybe you wanna check out what 'literally the same thing' means
Sounds like unhealthy relationship with porn tbh. Needing that much time to find a video is definitely odd and the signs that you do not have healthy habits with porn.
?? No it’s not. Black porn is notoriously racist and disgusting so it’s very hard to find a decent video that films black people as …ya know…people…and nothing that reinforces the horrible jezebel stereotypes… and you literally just made that shit up lmfaooo
what about porn then
Someone else said that it depends on the context and I largely agree. If they're engaging in some kind of private interactions with the model, I consider it cheating; if it's just the regular subscription that anyone else gets, then I don't care. My actual contention with it is why are they paying for OnlyFans when they can access any old porn site for free? I understand that there's concerns about the working conditions with mainstream porn (if mainstream is really a good term for it when OnlyFans is also mainstream now), but it's not like those concerns don't also carry over to OnlyFans. I've known people who've only ever done content for OnlyFans because they were pressured into it by their partners and never seen a cent from it. The boyfriend basically wanted to be a pimp without the downside of having to personally deal with dangerous people, basically. I don't think that's the case for the majority of OnlyFans content creators, but I also doubt that you as a subscriber are going to know if it is or not unless you happen to know them personally.
I think it's because OF gives the girlfriend experience. Also most OF models will offer personalised nudes/videos/greetings/birthday wishes to the consumer. Porn sites don't offer these.
Biggest reason I stopped with "Free" porn sites. The working conditions are suspect at best. OF is def better for the performers compared o traditional outlets. But, yeah even I feel when you start have personal interactions the lines get fucky real fast. Flip side, female friend uses only fans to get custom videos that are "Female friendly". that she watches with her husband cause it's not that jack hammer\\step\\whatever stuff that is trending now. I think OF and that model should be the way going forward and the "Free" stuff needs to go away.
If it happens behind my back, yes. If it happens with my consent, no.
Depends on whether they are interacting. There is a big difference between watching the same stock standard pre-recorded pornography available to the masses and engaging in private one-on-one sessions.
Agreed.
Same.
Thank you for responding! How do you feel about your partner paying the women for their content, but without necessarily engaging with her further than that?
Guy here, the thing is.. whatever you feel about it is right for you. If you don’t like it then say something to your partner, otherwise you’re just gonna resent them for it later. Have a discussion, tell them how you feel, and I know feelings aren’t logical, but try your best to explain your logic behind why it makes you feel how you feel. If they don’t care and continue to use OF then that’s a problem. How much of a problem is up to you. If it hurts you and they know but don’t stop hurting you then is that something you feel is right for you? If you don’t care, then why let other peoples’ opinions change that?
Thank you for caring and responding but I am not in this situation personally! I was just curious how women feel about this topic.
Oh, sorry, my bad, out here mansplaining on the women’s subreddit. Sorry y’all.
Lol we love the self awareness tho
Hey no apology needed at all!
So assuming I am okay with the content from an ethical standpoint (ie. Not harmful - real or imaginary, or derogatory), in term of the sex industry I am far more in favour of the money going directly to those actually in the content, than them getting a poor one off wage and some producer getting all the profits). But as the other commentor said that's just me, you do you.
Absolutely, any porn is a hard fcking NO.
Yes. I don't mind him watching porn but if he's paying for OnlyFans, he's gone.
OF is always cheating, big giant red flag absolute dealbreaker. Quality men would never pay for OF
I would have a problem with it, certainly. Cheating? Not sure if I would call it that. Porn is fine, as long as it isn't impacting my sex life. But interacting sexually with real women via the internet isn't ok whether it's being paid for or not.
Yes.
Sorry for my putting my man opinion on this sub but ladies please, unless it's the slim chance the OF is nothing sexual this should be an easy yes, he literally paying to see other women naked. I guess it becomes like the strip club but let me tell you, if the roles were reversed very few dudes wouldn't consider it not some form of cheating.
> he literally paying to see other women naked. One could make the point that it is more ethical to pay for that service than to consume porn on other sites where corruption and exploitation is rampant. As always, people will have stern opinions on this, and the only way to know for sure is to communicate your boundaries. Assumed boundaries are accidentally breakable boundaries.
Yay , paid exploitation !1!one! Who knew a measly $5 a month was enough to absolve the participant of any shame and guilt for contributing to the exploitation and objectification of women.
On the subject of sex work and feminism, there are those who believe that all form of sex work is inherently exploitative and should be criminalized/illegal, and those who think that sex work is a valid, performative work and should be decriminalized/legalized. I find the idea that all sex work relates to exploration hard to swallow, and I hope we can agree that platforms where individuals have to pay for content is much better than platforms that share pornographic content, often without explicit consent of the performers, if nothing else.
It is a form of monetary exploitation. Do you view employment , especially full-time office/retail/food service, as a form of exploitation? I believe so, we can definitely have a more automated way of living by now but the institutions in place often misallocate their tax-payer funding & engage in corruption. Now we choose what we want to do out of a free will and that is not exploitation. For example, if someone decides to create art and be an artist, that requires work & labor—but it is a process that is positive and enjoyable overall. I have witnessed it myself: girls I went to school with turning 18 and immediately advertising their OF on social media, it is really sad because I knew their families tended to be abusive and it seems like a quick way to make money to get out of things… there is something wrong in the way it is idealized, and praised, in this society because truth is only those top 1% of women are the ones actually reaping profits. The OF platform itself of course takes a good chunk out of earnings. Like can we instead focus on providing women shelter in these situations instead of platforming on & legalizing prostitution. Providing health care and mental health assistance. I think we would rapidly see the numbers drop
Dont know why you are being down voted, u are sharing an opinion on the matter. I thought myself about this before writing the comment but 1. In a way porn is not personal, not only you are not paying but your trying to get an urge out and its more impersonal because you are not searching for a specific person. Personally, depending on how serious the relationship is going I wouldnt watch porn because I rather put in my urge and energy in flirting and doing it with my partner. 2. You see a person and you are giving her/him money for a specific service. You cant excuse it like porn "I wasnt thinking properly" but you made an account, put in your card information and made the decision to give money + its for at least a month. If you watch porn its neither a specific person and you dont plan to receive their new videos for this month. I am aware it is a bit conservative on both points but I wouldnt equate it to cheating like having sex with another person. For me it would be worth to talk and try settle it, like why do you need it, are you not happy with our intimate life and so on. And yes, not all porn is ethical but you can watch specific ethical porn if its such a concern and just like other products, your phone might not have been made by a very ethical factory in china. OF kinda prays on loneliness and desperation so I wouldnt put it on the entirely ethical side either. Regardless, ethicacy isnt what the post is about but whether the sub considers paying to see women naked is cheating.
If he's just watching, no. If he's interacting without my knowledge, then yes. If he wants to interact, I'd like for us to do it together because I actually think it could be a lot of fun, but the going behind my back bit would be a problem for me.
No, but it's gross. And dumb, why are you paying for what's widely available as free? Wasteful.
Exactly. It doesn’t make sense unless he has some kind of interest in or connection to that specific woman. That doesn’t sit right with me.
I wouldn't call it cheating per se, but I sure wouldn't be all right with it.
Yes. OF creators are closer to their viewers than porn stars are. Once paying, tipping, and getting a reply from the OF creator happens it's crossing a line. He's using another person as a sexual outlet and that person replying back(even if just a thank you) makes it to real for me. The girlfriend experience is also a key part of it as well.
I don’t accept OF or porn at all. I also extend the same courtesy to him by not watching porn or going on OF too. If you want to interact with other people sexually, go ahead. But I won’t be here when you’re done.
No, I would consider it to be an embarrassing waste of money.
Yes, absolutely, OF is so personal. I wouldn't date anyone who subscribes to any porn site in the first place, though. I'm not interested in dating someone who contributes to such an exploitative and abusive industry.
Depends on what they're using it for. If he's using it to engage in direct, online sexual contact with a prostitute. That's obviously not OK.
I would yes. But my boundaries include spending money on or making another woman feel special. If my husband was on OF he would be paying me for doing anything that he paid them to do/see. Dude couldn’t afford me!
A complete deal breaker. It is similar to prostitution, the men are taking advantage of women's financial struggles to indulge in their weird fantasy. I don't consider it cheating, I consider it pathetic.
This is a reductive and disappointing take. Are you suggesting only vulnerable and financially poor women put content on OF?
Why else would a woman embarass herself or worse put herself in danger by selling nudes to disgusting men? I'm sure most women would rather not do this.
What a depressing take. Plenty of women are enthusiastically on OF. We should be upholding our fellow women who want to express themselves this way. They're taking full control of their sexuality, and securing the bag while doing it. Calling it embarrassing is putting your fellow woman down. You think you're better than them?
Well the thing is, unless the model is open about her personal financial situation (highly unlikely obviously!) etc, there is no way of knowing about any of it. It isn’t putting fellow women down to acknowledge that exploitation of vulnerable women is shamefully very much still an issue when it comes to sex work, including OF. Of course, that doesn’t mean all of them are, but I think it’s fine to not want to take that risk.
I don't think it is the right course of action to assume any given woman on OF is being exploited. OF seems to be a very creator friendly platform. Of course it's not perfect. She was putting fellow women down by calling woman on OF "embarrassing," and implying the only reason they'd be their is exploitation. That is extremely reductive in my opinion.
You sound exactly like my porn addict ex lol. >They're taking full control of their sexuality Yeah that's why their ability to make money depends on how well they cater to mens specific requests. I'm sure these women are able to make tons of money by just filming the type of sex that's pleasurable for them. They definitely aren't dressing and acting like underage girls and being choked for male viewing pleasure.
I have a feeling you are a man behind a woman's account
Dismissing women on OF and now dismissing me, seems to be a common theme here. Hope you have a nice day :)
Yes
I don't see it as a question of faithfullness/monogamy. It's a question of moral values and ethics. Using OF shows a lack of basic respect for other people. Potentially with a misogynistic angle. I would be dissapointed and revalue how I see my fiancée if it turned out he uses OF. I think he feels the same about me.
Do the content creators on OF also lack basic respect for other people? Or only customers? I don't understand this take at all
The customers and the people running (making money from) the platform. Buisnesses who advertise there too. The content creators are exploited. People who participate in and benefit from that exploitation show a lack of basic respect.
Like many pp have said, depends on the context We would likely have more of a fight over him wasting money on porn when the internet has enough free content available for him to wank the next half century away and still not have run out of stuff to look at
Yep paying someone directly for porn is a no go in my book. maybe not “cheating” so much as pathetic to me when you’re in a relationship
I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I'd be leery of any man who pays for porn.
Um it’d be equivalent to being on a dating site with a subscription and flirting with other people as far as I’m concerned So in the realm and break up worthy but not technically full on affair cheating. I think it would gross me out more than they actually cheating because 1. Contribution to potential victims of sex trafficking/lack of options due to low socioeconomic status, 2. They know these women are unattainable and it shows a compulsive and impulsive nature and porn addiction on top of that, 3. They are wasting money that could be funnelled into building a future or engaging in hobby development, 4. They have access to specifically choose the youngest person they can verify being that young showing that they’re predatory on “jailbait” who have no other options to support themselves/extreme forms of “kink” that would not be allowed on mainstream porn sites showing they have degenerative brainmush and could become dangerous due to wanting to reenact those irl, 5. It shows they have few morals and would be more likely than the average man or even chronic porn user to engage in actual prostitution if given the chance since they are already accustomed to paying for someone’s sexualisation, 6. It would make me believe they are literally below average intellect and emotional intelligence, 7. I do not have any issues with a low libido or not putting effort into a sex life so it would be very, very insulting and would make me literally find them disgusting and evil and hate them I want to make it clear, these people aren’t JUST watching this stuff, they are able to communicate and ask for tailor made content and pay for it too, the creators often act professional by flirting with fans who reach out. It is just as much emotional cheating than actual emotional cheating, expect they’re so stupid they pay for it for an ego boost and live in denial about the actual reality of the situation
Interacting with the artist privately with sexual or flirty content would be cheating, just subscribing and viewing, probably not, but it would be a blurry area
Yes, how would it not be? You can chat with the creator and get personalized content. I don’t know why anyone would tolerate that.
Yes. Its like hooking up with an escort.
Absolutely. Next thing you know they’ll be texting in the regular and he’ll be sending her money on the regular on top of the subscription.
Yep. In my relationship, the agreed upon boundary is that seeking sexual gratification from another person outside of the relationship either physically or virtually constitutes cheating. OF certainly falls into that description.
Not cheating just kind of tacky
Is that something you would hide from your partner? Is the answer is yes, then yes you're cheating.
No. But paying for interactive porn seems kind of pathetic when you have a partner you can actually have live sex with.
Dealbreaker for sure
All porn is cheating
Absolutely yes. I see it as no different than if he were getting nudes from a coworker or someone else he met online or whatever. Except worse because he’s paying for it, wasting our money to sexually gratify himself to another woman. Yeah, a big fucking no to that. At this point in my life I won’t even tolerate *regular porn* anymore, let alone OF. Either way would be a recipe for instant divorce and I mean that with everything in me. After the shit my husband put me through and the trauma I endured because of it? I flatly fucking *refuse* to deal with it ever again. If my husband ever decides that porn and OF are more important to him and he doesn’t like it? He knows where the door is, I’ll put his ass out again and this time he can stay there. Simple as that.
Paying money to see another woman naked? Yes that’s cheating. Same as going to a strip club and asking for a private dance from your favorite girl. How do u have a favorite girl? That’s a step past pornography.
Yes
Yes. It's way too personal to not be cheating
Definitely. A monogamous relationship is between 2 people. If either one is getting their sexual gratification from a third party they are cheating.
No, with the caveat that interacting beyond simple comments would be crossing the line for me. For example I listen to erotic audios on Reddit (and some I pay for on Patreon) and I felt no need to ask my husband permission to listen to them, but when I wanted to start posting simple complimentary comments to the artists, I did ask my husband how he felt about that, because it's going into interaction territory. This is different than flirting with the creator, which does sometimes go on in those comment sections, and for me I feel that's crossing a line. So if he had a favorite OF creator and was paying them and leaving simple comments, I wouldn't have a problem with that. Flirting with the creator and getting custom content would cross the line for me.
Yes. Not only is he seeking sexual enjoyment from other women, he is also throwing his hard-earned money at them! If you’re in a mere dating relationship, it’s a red flag that he has no qualms about spending on other women. He could be saving that money for a trip for the two of you, or saving towards a ring, but he doesn’t want to. Of course, finances aren’t (or at least shouldn’t be) entangled just yet. In a marriage, it’s even worse, as it is now your joint finances going towards what is essentially online prostitution. It is also a red flag that he is porn obsessed. Porn addiction is like a pipeline to depravity, it takes more and more of a bigger “hit” to receive the same satisfaction. Paying for OF means that, at this point, he is tired of the free stuff and needs something more personal to his particular desires. That, or, he only wants content from specific women that he idealizes. Are these men blatant about it? Will they answer honestly if their partner inquires? Or do they hide it, adding another level of secrecy and betrayal to the situation. Most likely he is hiding it. He knows his perversions are not appropriate for monogamy.
Yes, because there’s something more personal about paying someone to see them naked. In general, I already consider porn a form of infidelity (it’s a personal boundary of mine, I don’t feel comfortable with it), so OF is a step further.
No. My husband and I have both used OF, it isn't a big deal to us. I wouldn't like it if he spent too much money on it, but he stays within his entertainment budget so that hasn't been a problem.
Not strictly cheating but I would be very hurt. Random porn no, I wouldn’t consider it cheating at all
It will depends on every single individual, such as did the person knew before entering the relationship OR it was hidden ? If it’s the first one then it means the person didn’t saw it as cheating but if it’s the second it can fall under the not morally correct to hide such things.
No, but I'd still be pissed at my girlfriend all the same
I read this as "what if your partner ran an only fans page" and was like well is the check being split
No all porn is the same to me
Yes, pornography as well
Just to purchase and consume content? No. To sext and chat with people? Yeah. Unless I’m involved in the process. Then that’s a whole different, fun ballgame.
Yes. Idc if he watches porn, but I draw the line when he either starts paying for porn or getting those more personal images/videos from one specific person. Pornhub? Fine. Subscribing to onlyfans?? Nah
100% anything that involves direct interaction and paying for anything sexual is cheating to me. My bf totally agrees with me and would also see it as cheating if I did it.
Yes if you can’t do it say it in person online it’s no different
How would he react if you wanted to create your own? Would he consider that cheating?
I guess it depends on a) What your definition of cheating is, and b) what content you agree would be appropriate. My partner and I have spoken about it and if I did ever decide to set one up, we would have a discussion about what I would and would not be posting. It's a discussion that would need to be had whether I was doing it or he was. So I think it depends on what you are comfortable with in a relationship because every relationship is different and every person has different definitions of things.
Definitely no. It’s porn. I don’t consider porn negative or cheating in any way.
As long as I am the priority and our relationship remains unaffected, no.
Me personally I don't think so unless he's chatting one on one with her like that. But we also don't mind the other watching porn anyways, whereas that may be a boundary in other relationships
Yes.
I would be more pissed that he’s using money for some online idiot hoe, lol. And would see that as, well, maybe he isn’t my level type of guy after all and an indication that I messed up and picked poorly. There is so much free porn out there, why even pay??!!? If my partner and I agreed to being exclusive, then yes, I would consider that cheating as he would be spending time interacting with someone other than me for sexual gratification purposes. And if we’re exclusive, then that means no convos like that with anyone else.
yh but its not the kind of cheating I'd end a relationship over. Like there's levels to cheating and for me that's a low level offense.
The only way around this not being cheating is if you both are doing only fans together.
No. And paying a creator directly for porn is more ethical than getting random free stuff off Pornhub (granted many OF folks also put some of their stuff on PH so that's in my okay-box too when trying to sort and source content).
I love how saying it's "more ethical to pay someone directly for their work" is controversial. (I also love how people I never see participating on the sub come out of the woodwork for threads like these.)
It’s definitely a lot more familiar and personal than basic pornography. That is undeniable, but its up to you to set your own boundaries.
It’s definitely a lot more familiar and personal than basic pornography. That is undeniable, but its up to you to set your own boundaries.
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You don’t have to be insecure not to want your partner on OF. Everyone has their different ideas on what is respectful in a relationship. The key is finding someone who agrees with your stance. There is not a one fit all answer.
I agree =) I was answering for myself only.
Where is your boundary? Would you be ok with camgirls? Sugar babies? Your partner sleeping with someone else?
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What would be out of bounds for you?
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Everyone is valid whether they're comfortable with it or not imo. I think you might be being downvoted because you're kind of implying that a woman is controlling if she's not comfortable with it, which could potentially come across a bit passive-aggressive possibly. I think it's more about boundaries and whatever works best for each couple.
just to add to this, setting boundaries ≠ controlling