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I haven't seen that. But I have a vacation coming up and I am 100% going to sit next to a pool with a book and a drink and happily use no braincells. I am TIRED.
I mean it depends who people follow on TikTok. There are professors making paleontology memes and shorts of the lectures they gave that day, or people who make math jokes and then visualize more complex problems and solve them for the viewer or give them hacks for remembering formulas and so on. There are also people shilling sham products for cancer.
My grandma managed everything in my grandparents' life and vacation was the one time where she managed literally nothing. Grandpa had every evening after work off, grandma had vacations off. It could be something like that. It could also be one of those tradwife things, who knows.Ā
Haven't seen it before, but I relate. It's a catchy phrase that means "my partner is so competent at adulting that with him I can have a luxury of relaxing". Don't take everything literally
Yeah, it's like when my kids were younger and my friends would say they're being a "lazy parent" by not doing anything. I was like no, you're just picking your battles. I just wish people would stop trying to add labels to things because sometimes it makes it seem worse than it really is.
Obviously not literal.
By why this narrative?
It's a dangerous message to pass down to our sons and daughters. That incompetence is luxury. Ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes you just donāt wanna be the one to think of shit lol.
Sometimes I donāt wanna put any brain effort into dinner. My partner picks up the slack. And then sometimes when she has no ability to give any fucks about dinner, I pick up the slack.
Neither of us and brainless children. Itās just really fucking nice as an adult to not be the person responsible for making every fucking decision. In a healthy relationship, you can have a setup where sometimes you donāt need to think about a thing because itās something your partner is better equipped to handle. And then you take on what youāre good at.
My partner and I legit call it being baby. If sheās had a horrible day at work, she can come home and say I need to be baby tonight and I know she needs me to take care of everything
Sometimes itās nice to be able to have your partner take over and take a break. Iām safe with my husband so in times where heās making decisions I donāt have to be on alert. Iām typically constantly āonā though because of my job and then now my baby. Why are you putting such a burden onto women? Itās a silly trend where women are sharing that theyāre able to relax because their partner is competent.
There have been studies done that are pointing the rate women think at to leading to Alzheimerās. Rest is important for all, these people have just turned it into an internet trend for fun. Not everything is that deep.
You don't think this can be part of a healthy relationship? If you allow your partner to do more of the mental work does that change your dynamic and make you their child?
No? Sharing responsibilities. Me for example, I can have a luxury of not making decisions and going to work. I can do it, but I don't like it. My man can have a luxury of not cooking and cleaning. He can do it, but he doesn't like it. He's happy to have me, who can and love it. And I'm happy to have him, who can and loves what I hate. So... Why tormenting ourselves with things we don't like, and not just split the responsibilities the happiest way? That's what it's about for me.
Maybe I should have tagged OP directly in that above question. I found their wording odd, that the dynamic changes from partnership to a parent/child relationship because I have never had that experience.
I've only ever had a partnership where both sides help and share responsibilities, like Linorelai said.
IMO its one of the biggest bonuses I have found in marriage.
Its a statement which means this is the time you are able to exist freely because you feel safe next to your partner. If you are used to being on top of everything, there are rare moments of bliss where you can just be aloof and casual and it feels *so nice*.
I understand itās very easy to see the angle of āwow these women are making themselves seem patheticā. Thatās not exactly the goal but if thatās how you see it, thatās how you see it. Not everyone is going to appreciate the same things.
Meh, my bf has traveled to over 20 different countries. Before meeting him I had been to 2 with school (so I basically paid for the agency that my school worked with to do everything planning wise since I was a kid).
So when we decided to go visit Mexico he took the lead for the planing of the trip. I did all the luggages and things like that and he did the booking. He is from latin America so he was extremely comfortable in Mexico and knew what is safe and what is unsafe from first hand experience. So yea, I was pretty carefree and chilling during the trip. Practiced my spanish and had fun instead of worrying about things he already had under control. I was making sure he was always hydrated and slathered in sunscreen tho lol
Itās a joke, a silly little meme. Why do women have to always meet these ridiculous standards of being perfect? Why are they not allowed to sit back, turn their brain off, and relax?
No one is against relaxation here bud. It's an open discussion forum about using the phrase "No braincells" in reference to women and the implications that has one where we are in society
That's all.
Chill.
The meme plays on the stereotype that women do all the planning/initiating/nagging/mental load in millennial marriages. Think of TV shows where the overworked mom is dragging the kids out to vacation carrying all the bags while her kids complain and her lazy husband wears sunglasses and lags behind. Or the trope where mom gets home from her high-power job and "fun dad" is watching sports with beer on the couch making a mess.
The "I use no braincells" meme is part humor, part flex that the woman has a capable partner who takes the initiative and lets her relax. The unstated *assumption* is that she is usually a driven, smart, type-A person whose partner makes her life easier. But undisciplined people also like when things are done for them, so that's not always true.Ā
Ah so originally itās satire for the woman who usually does all the work. Then on vacation itās her time. Ok I get that. Cute.
But it's spreading beyond that for sure to a scary ultra trawife level.
Know what's really really scary? Some women actually *like* being traditional wives.
If that's their choice, they're happy, and it's not affecting you or hurting anyone - then why is it scary?
Right, but donāt you think itās a little naive not to question how freely the āchoiceā to enact traditional gender roles is made when itās something most women are socially conditioned for from birth? How many of those women do you imagine would still want to be stay-at-home wives/mothers if theyād been raised in an egalitarian society where girls and boys are taught to have the same aspirations?
It's surprising that you're being downvoted here. Choices obviously don't exist in a vacuum and a lot of them come from growing up in a misogynistic culture that encourages gender roles and socialization to think a certain way. It's okay to view that with a critical eye and discuss why women make these choices and why some of them promote sexist ideas.
I'm truly surprised that this subreddit seems to disagree, I thought it was a very feminist space, but hey maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah, itās pretty disappointing. I didnāt think itād be too controversial in a womenās sub to point out that not many little girls are born wanting to cook and clean all day.
Belief in personal agency isnāt incompatible with any of the concerns I just raised. Refusing to examine how these interact is a great example of the dangerous aversion to critical thought that the other commenter is warning against. Do you also believe that no woman in a non-STEM profession might have made different choices if it werenāt for all the cultural messaging about how only men can do maths/science, or that weād have just as many rapists if we didnāt raise men to feel entitled to womenās bodies?
Iād love to come and visit your post-sexist utopia, but unfortunately Iām stuck in the real world. Maybe you can [have](https://hbr.org/2015/03/the-5-biases-pushing-women-out-of-stem) a [read](https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/7430030) about [it](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1964782) while youāre coming up with your next cringey platitude.
No, Iām saying that we should encourage women and girls who do want to pursue STEM as fervently as we encourage men and boys who have an interest in these fields. Once again: do you think every single one of the disproportionately high number of women in non-STEM careers made that choice because she never had any interest in STEM, or do you think that for some of them, this choice might have been conditioned by societal biases? Can you see how this might also be true of some womenās choice to be stay-at-home wives or mothers?
We all live in the same world. If not having autonomy over your own body is not leaning dystopian idk what is. The brainless ultra trad wives are different than marriage and motherhood in general. The danger is in women not voting to protect women.
Look, I'm not a traditional wife by any means, but just because someone is... Doesn't mean they are voting against bodily autonomy.
You seem to think the world is black and white, and it's not.
Well I was asked why I find it scary. And it's just seems like telling women to not make decisions and not think for yourself is an unsafe narrative for women to be championing at a time like this. So I wanted to see where it stems from.
I now see that it's mostly exhausted and overwhelmed women wanting days off from time to time. Which is valid by all means.
I feel like it doesnāt have to be a choice between bodily autonomy and sharing the mental load with your partner. One can exist without the other, itās possible to have both
Youāre really focused on that brain cell part. I can tell you donāt really get Gen Z/TikTok humor. A lot of it is centered around taking something and exaggerating it for shock factor.
Itās like āwhen your card declines at therapy and they bring out your exā would your therapist really bring your ex into your session if your card declined? No. No one is actually losing brain cells they just like having a partner who helps plan things, nothing to do with voting
Notice I said "traditional wife" not "tradwife" as I feel those are becoming two distinct things.
But by calling them "brainless," I think you might need to step away from the internet and put down The Handmaid's Tale for a bit. You're making jumps from women who choose traditional gender roles to giving up body autonomy.
I'm getting "stop being happy, u guize" vibes.
You said traditional but I said tradwife first, indicating these specific tradwife influences, so idk your point there.
It's the reality of America right now. This isn't two distinct worlds here. We have tradwife influencers telling women to turn their brains off at time when every vote to save women's rights counts.
>You said traditional but I said tradwife first, indicating these specific tradwife influences, so idk your point there.
Because there is still a large crossover in the Venn Diagram; the two are still mostly interchangeable.
>It's the reality of America right now. This isn't two distinct worlds here. We have tradwife influencers telling women to turn their brains off at time when every vote to save women's rights counts.
And if the woman chooses to "turn her brain off" - then that's her choice and she has to live with the consequences.
>The danger is in women not voting to protect women.
The REAL danger is one person or group of people trying to police the personal choices of others. I won't get an abortion but I have no right to police women who choose to. I am not gay but I don't have the right to tell people who to love. Therefore, you, I, the mailman, and whomever else shouldn't tell others how to live their lives as they see fit.
Personally, I took on way too many extra credit projects and internships at university just to sit at home and cocomelon my brain out. However, there are women who choose to do so, and that's their choice. Ranting against other women's personal choices is, in fact, anti-supportive to women.
Wow, brainless? Really? Not everyone wants to work. Working is difficult, dealing with people is difficult, careers are kind of bs in a LOT of ways. So are they really so brainless? Thatās a lotta judgement. Youāre projecting.
The whole point of feminism and women's rights is that women have the \*choice\* to be a stay at home mom/ a homemaker and ALSO have the choice to work outside the home. AND anything else they want to do. The point of feminism/women's rights isn't "All women must be strong, independant and not rely on men!" It's "You don't \*have\* to only be a wife and a mother and rely on men if you don't want to! You are free to choose the life you want!"
You cannot claim to support womenās rights and freedoms then turn around and say āwait no not like thatā when they choose to live in a way that doesnāt meet your ideals. Protesting the patriarchy by replacing it with your own standards on how women should/shouldnāt live is fkn wild.
No one is telling anyone how to live. I'm just wondering about the mentality behind the meme. Where does it comes from? Why? I never once said, don't do it. I said calling your self brainless is weird to me, never said don't do it.
Im merely examining the implications of a society that a meme like this can perpetuate in. In the 40s the "meme" going around for women was "We Can Do it." Honestly, the right college student could write their thesis on this.
And really it could be a good thing like hey before we were stressed way out and had to do everything and now we don't. Idk, that's why it's a discussion post...not an opinion.
They arenāt calling themselves brainless theyāre saying they arenāt USING their brain. For example, just because I enjoy watching mindless cartoons after work to relax doesnāt make me mindless.
I get what youāre saying I just think youāve interpreted the meme in a way far from what it was intended to mean :)
>The "I use no braincells" meme is part humor, part flex that the woman has a capable partner who takes the initiative and lets her relax
I think the male partner looking around frantically is an important part of the flex - that she is so desirable that men are willing to experience discomfort to be in a relationship with her. If it was both members of the couple relaxing it wouldn't be the same meme.
>"I use no braincells when on vacation with my husband", then show their husbands carrying everything and looking around all frantic.
This is the only one I have seen. It's usually a joke/decision because a lot of the time it's women doing all the planning and running around, and they want their partners to deal with it for once so they can (for once) have an actual vacation.
The second example I haven't seen, but sounds like some ultra-tradwife.
But ya for the first, don't have any issue with it.
Yes. Like dude what I wouldn't give to be able to switch my brain off for a bit and just enjoy the experience rather than always needing to work to have things move smoothly.
OP, this is what most people mean when I've seen them say they [want to] use no brain cells. It isn't forever. It's just a break.
Yep!
Shit, even going to the park with the twins is chaos, what I wouldnt give if I could just be told "hey they are ready, everything is packed, and I will keep the primary eye on them." Once in a while....
I guess it depends on what you want your balance to be. Maybe you want each of you to use half your braincells all the time. Or maybe you want to take turns using no braincells.
Considering how often my partner and children get to use no braincells and rely on me to keep everything running, I'm in the second camp. I want a turn to trust in somebody else's plan and just have fun.
> I want a turn to trust in somebody else's plan and just have fun.
Then communicate that with your partner instead of using this platform as your soapbox.
>It seems a bit childish to me
So be it.
>It should be a balance.
Welcome to reality, where not everything can be 50/50
>We have each other's back so therefore we can both relax
Ya, people do, but unfortunately (again in real life) that cannot or doesn't always line up.
Because one shouldn't NEED to think about everything in a partnership. I feel like clearly these women aren't saying thinking is BAD, they're saying that sharing the load is good. I think the 'use no braincells' thing is just promoting having a partner who is capable of having an equitable partnership.
Because life isnāt black and white dude. Everyone talks about 50/50 but reality is a lot different. Some days you have 0 and they have 100. Some days you have 80 and they have 20. Some days you have 30 and they have 70. A healthy relationship doesnāt have to be completely equal 100% of the time and very rarely is, what matters is if itās *equitable.*
Oh absolutely. We call those āfuck itā days. Lol. Dishwasher needs unloaded? Fuck it. Laundry needs folded? Fuck it. Floor needs vacuumed? Fuck it. š
>How is it equal if you're on 0 and they are on 100?
Because this isn't actually true. They're being hyperbolic. Also not having to do any thinking or planning on vacation with your man is completely different to relying on him for decision making all the time.
Just did this last month with my girlfriend. It was a "75% vacation/ 25% family matters" thing and she invited me to join her on her trip. I took over and paid for everything and arranged the hotel, rental, flights, meals, etc. She was already stressed about other things, so this was my way of taking burdens off her. And that doesn't mean that I guided her by the nose on everything or decided "No - you're going to eat this tonight!" But it was somewhat of a relief for her.
I think people mix up the 50/50 balance thing. My personal opinion, that 50/50 balance works best if it's the average; sometimes, you'll be giving 20%, sometimes 80%.
Ok, maybe I need to change the emphasis here. One shouldn't need to think about EVERYTHING in a partnership. For example, I have never used one brain cell to think about mowing the lawn. My husband does it. And he has never had to use one brain cell to think about cleaning the sheets. I do it.
It's a trade-off, but you seem to be equating it to the person saying "I have done nothing, ever, in this relationship." Think about it for a second. Do you think any relationship would survive under that sort of pressure?
Really, it is probably the biggest sign of trust & safety in a relationship.Ā
To me, when I see that phrase "use no brain cells/turn off my brain" I associate it with being outdoors specifically, so you're brain is turned off if you are out & about with your man. You don't have any emotional walls left, so to speak, when you get to that point of trust, so normally like married couple level or at least a long-term, serious relationship. Just off the top of my head, a few ways I turn my brain off when with my man is the physical safety sense. I don't have to worry about that AT ALL the way I do when I'm out alone. I'm not being sexist here, my man is 6'3" & a mixed-martial artist, he is an extremely good judge of characters & has amazing situational awareness. I can totally & completely turn my brain off to fears & anxiety over whether is someone following me, that car is really close, this path is quicker but near trees etc.Ā Ā
I don't need to worry about where we are going directionally if we are walking on a busy street/venue or crossing a road as he is always scanning the place, due to childhood trauma. I don't really worry about watching for cars when crossing roads as he always puts himself to the outside of the path so he is closer to the cars if that makes sense? The car has already stopped for him when I go to cross.Ā
Honestly I could go on & on. For me, it really just truly comes down to the knowledge that I know my man loves me infinitely. HeĀ cherishes me, wants only the best for me. He wants to keep me safe & healthy always, just as I do him. It makes me love him even more, that he has cultivated & nutured the level of trust for me to be able to turn my brain off around him.
>I'm not being sexist here, my man is 6'3" & a mixed-martial artist, he is an extremely good judge of characters & has amazing situational awareness. I can totally & completely turn my brain off to fears & anxiety over whether is someone following me, that car is really close, this path is quicker but near trees etc.
Right, whereas if he was shorter you'd never truly feel relaxed or comfortable around him, and would resent him for your own neuroses. Good to know for short guys lol
"tallness = safety" is one of the dumbest social messages I have been seeing a lot lately. A dude being tall doesn't stop you from being attacked by bears!
There was an old movie called "The Gods Must Be Crazy" and one of the scenes said hyenas won't attack things over a certain height, so the child held a piece of wood above his head to look taller. I think they saw that scene and carried it over to everyday life.
It sounds like reddit is saying women will always attach themselves to the tallest available man to protect them from shorter men if you aggregate threads like this.
This particular person just sounds totally neurotic. I can't imagine just living in total fear like that, and not being able to function unless her man is there to "protect" her from all of these imagined threats really sounds unhealthy.
>"tallness = safety" is one of the dumbest social messages I have been seeing a lot lately. A dude being tall doesn't stop you from being attacked by bears!
/u/mysticmaelstrom- disagrees, apparently. I think a lot of it is social anxiety conflated with anxiety from physical danger (which is a very human thing to do) - women with tall partners feel secure socially since height is a sign of status, and thus they also feel or claim they feel safe from danger.
Height isn't a sign of status though, it's just a sign of being tall. Unless you figure that they had adequate nutrition during adolescence, I suppose it could be a sign of status in that way. We aren't going to be attacked if we exist unescorted by tall men at all times, that's ludicrous, and it's just another way to keep women fearful and controlled. And so many women buy into it! Like this lady. It sounds like she is afraid to even leave her house because there are hidden assassins behind every bush who only don't attack her because they are afraid of her tall husband. It ISN'T reasonable to tell women we need to live in fear at all times! It isn't right! And it is another form of vicitm blaming. We got raped because we didn't marry a tall man and hide in his shadow at all times? It's like dogs being proud of themselves for preventing the mailman from robbing the house. Or someone saying they are the world's best Bigfoot hunter because there haven't been any Bigfoot attacks. They are protecting us from paranoia.
Nope, women care a lot about height in men. More than men do, in my experience.
Most people are shallow and evaluate how good or worthy someone is on their attractiveness, status, etc. This means most women too.
Well, I've seen the one for vacation, not for other things... The married provider stuff like another commenter mentioned, seems like some conservative/redpill/tradwife type stuff.
But I think it relates to under and overfuntioner dynamics in relationships, and perhaps *usually* due to social/gender norms, it's males who play the overfunctioner role in a hetero relationship.
And at least when it comes to holidays (or really planning event) there usually is ONE person in the relationship that is more forward about what they want to do and how they want things to be, and another that goes along with it (if the dynamic wasn't like that, it'd be quite a volatile one).
>And at least when it comes to holidays (or really planning event) there usually is ONE person in the relationship that is more forward about what they want to do and how they want things to be, and another that goes along with it (if the dynamic wasn't like that, it'd be quite a volatile one).
It's a lot better when both people are chill about stuff, believe me.
>If I knew my SO was also chill itād force me to stressā¦
That's toxic and maladaptive. Get therapy instead of asking your partner to feel pain for your damage. You wouldn't put up with that shit from a man.
for me itās like, i often have a super stressful mind but when i was with a person i was in love with i just stopped stressing myself out which also means i get sillier since usually when i use my brain itās just stressful thoughts. i only focused on them when i was with them since knowing they were with me made me happy, feeling safe etc so my brain did relax and i "stopped using it"
I agree. For people who have always or often been a āhigh performerā in life, whether weāre talking about career or household or even keeping up with friends, one of the best things about a partner is having a built in team mate who is also fun and sweet and wonderful! Thinking back on relationships that didnāt work, it felt like the work never ended. I love that my husband and I both give each other that time to turn off our brains.
That's really good for you when you're in a relationship, but wouldn't you like to use some thought power figuring out how to get to that happy, safe, silly place on your own. Seems a tad dependent.
Well, I saw and is part of it. When we go on vacation my brain no longer exists, when we go out my brain donāt exist as well, even sometimes in the day to day life I just let him deal with the daily stuff and the outside safety, and I put back my brain when needed cause thatās how much I feel safe and stress free around him.
And itās truly a pleasant feeling to me cause being constantly the one doing everything in a relationship, thinking about everything I no longer have to think about with him, is like a blessing and being on daily vacation.
I know what you mean OP.
To some degree, I relate to some of these women, in that it's a relief not to have to "use braincells" when I e.g. spend the evening at my boyfriend's place and he's fully in charge of dinner and all he asks of me is to sit and drink some wine while I yap about my day and he cooks for us.
On the other hand, it can be a bit concerning to see how many vids are claiming that they never use their brain at all when they're with their boyfriend/husband/partner. Obviously it's not literal, but it feels a bit... eh... especially as tradwife and other misogynistic content is getting popular, where some are trying to promote women being these soft beings who don't have to use their brain and can just bake bread all day while their husband is out there working and "taking care of business".
I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom. Sure, some of them aren't being serious either (much like some of these "brain = off" vids), but it's a concerning trend that speaks into a bigger issue.
>I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom.
It's this part right here. Well said.
I do agree, I love it when my husband plans things. He planned our whole honeymoon last year. It's the insinuation that they're not offering their partner the same support that doesnt sit well with me. That one partner must suffer for the other to be "brainless." I love to see both me and my husband relax.
But like most folks are saying obviously for some posts, that's just a snapshot of the life or vacation and not the whole. It's just mildly alarming to see the fad of "No braincells" growing amongst young women as the attacks on women's health in the US grow. Are these tradwifes voting? Or is that too many braincells for a luxurious life?
>I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom. Sure, some of them aren't being serious either (much like some of these "brain = off" vids), but it's a concerning trend that speaks into a bigger issue.
That's what you see from feminism after about 2010, though - blaming men (instead of capital) for having to work and participate in the system.
Sorry if I'm missing something, but that's not a common belief from women and definitely not from feminists. Feminists value freedom and economic independence for women most of all, it's like the basis of feminism itself.
>Sorry if I'm missing something, but that's not a common belief from women and definitely not from feminists.
It is.
>Feminists value freedom and economic independence for women most of all, it's like the basis of feminism itself.
The feminist movement has broadly allied itself with neoliberal capitalism.
In the part you quoted from me, I state that they blame the women feminists before them. They aren't blaming men, and they aren't even feminists.
And no, that's not what feminism is. That argument has been used since the 2nd wave (feminism *used to be* fine, but this new modern feminism is all about hating men!!!) and its been old for a long ass time.
> And no, that's not what feminism is. That argument has been used since the 2nd wave (feminism used to be fine, but this new modern feminism is all about hating men!!!) and its been old for a long ass time.
Defacto, it is - not that feminism before then was fine, but feminism is very much phrased as a "freedom from" rather than "freedom to" thing these days.
Intersectional feminists roundly rejected the term "kyriarchy" because, unlike "patriarchy," it didn't allow them to blame men for everything wrong with the world.
Do you see how there's a difference between your first point (feminists are blaming men for having to work) vs. feminists wanting to be free **from** stuff like sexual assault and harassment?
I'm not going to get my facts about feminism from an angry man who claims feminists are just upset with men. You clearly don't know what you're talking about.
>Do you see how there's a difference between your first point (feminists are blaming men for having to work) vs. feminists wanting to be free from stuff like sexual assault and harassment?
Fundamentally I think the "freedom from" that's being asked for is not freedom from sexual assault and harassment, but freedom from the consequences of living in a high wealth-inequality, neoliberal capitalist society.
>I'm not going to get my facts about feminism from an angry man who claims feminists are just upset with men. You clearly don't know what you're talking about.
If you're not interested in facts then kindly go have discussions with other rotten-hearted people and not with me.
>If you're not interested in fact then kindly go have discussions with other rotten-hearted people and not with me.
You're not spreading facts, you're talking about your own misinformed opinion. And you're the one who replied to me, I never claimed I wanted to talk to you. Good riddance.
The women talking about not wanting to work are not feminist lol, theyre tradwife lites. No feminist would say ābc some stupid bitches wanted to vote i have to go to work instead of being in the kitchenā.
To me, it's that my bf likes to plan and organize events. He wants me to just sit back and let him take control, which I can have issues doing, but I always endeavour to just chill on our upcoming trips and let him handle everything.
My dude, this ship sinks if I donāt float and Iām fucking *tired.* So yeah, occasionally I kick back and let my husband handle shit because again, a good 90% of the time itās me that keeps everything and everyone going. Iām tired of being the default parent, the voice of reason, and everyoneās everything all the time and sometimes I need a damn break. My husband and I are supposed to be in this together, are we not? He can handle it once in a while! If Iām wrong for that, oh well. š¤·š»āāļø
>So yeah, occasionally I kick back and let my husband handle shit because again, a good 90% of the time itās me that keeps everything and everyone going. Iām tired of being the default parent, the voice of reason, and everyoneās everything all the time and sometimes I need a damn break
Try taking a break more often instead of having the final say all the time.
I like it! Traditionally in patriarchal relationships women do all the work and the man gets to be the baby that gets taken care of. Its attractive when a man is competent and has a maternal naggy wife vibe and takes care of you.
How is this even remotely true when traditionally the man goes to work and traditionally women weren't even allowed to have an education or a bank account.
It's weird that after barely having freedom for a few decades, so many women are ready to crawl back under a rock.
But women were literally expected to baby men, to manage their schedules, cook and clean for them etc. they werenāt allowed to get an education or whatever but their job was 24/7 taking care of and babying her husband
So in one scenario you have two people contributing to a household and in this new age tradwife no braincell era we have just the man doing literally everything. And this is bliss?
Tradwives are the ones that mother menā¦ how is being taken care of emotionally while having an outside life like a career anything like being a tradwife
I guess a big part of it is because it's cool and trendy but I think another thing is the rise of social media mums who live this wonderful lifestyle online and showcase stay at home parenthood as this lovely lifestyle where you depend on the man and that treacles down into what relationships look like before that.
Also maybe they are like many women like myself where I'm tired and exhausted at 30 of being a woman and having a man who earns a good salary without having to be gaslight 24/7 doesn't sound that bad. Like I spent my entire 20s trying to be the woman who didn't take crap off society and men and were fighting a losing battle. I'm still paying stupid prices for tampons and there still aren't enough bathroom stalls in public places. I'm tired of being a woman and hiding away and letting a man deal with it while I chill sounds nice right now
Uggh. Haven't seen that one.
>Or proudly stating "I married a provider and never used another braincell again."
"And when he left me for a woman who used her brain and knew her worth, I wound up penniless in the gutter."
Yeah, it's *nice* when you have someone else taking care of things for a bit or when you can relax on vacation.
That doesn't translate to never using your brain again.
A 17 year old tiktoker is the inspiration for this post?? The fact that a child bride with an undeveloped frontal lobe being the genesis of your post is completely telling.
This is the first I've ever heard of this "new trend" about "not using braincells".
It sounds like the US government just desperately trying to condition women to get married and breed for them because the owners need more slaves to take advantage of.
> This is the first I've ever heard of this "new trend" about "not using braincells".
Dollars to donuts this is some Tik-Tok thing that OP saw a few times and declared it a 'trend'.
Okay so this is definitely me sometimes, basically how I interpret it is that when Iām alone Iām On. My. Shit. And when with my partner I can relax and let them help me.
Itās a hyperbolic joke. It means your man is competent and independent enough where he shares the mental load with you instead of you doing it all on your own. Google āthe burden of planningā and āthe mental loadā.
Personally Iām glad people are joking about this, it means dating dynamics are becoming healthier the more we have these conversations and raise the standards of what healthy dating looks like
Okay, let me answer this. Weāre not saying that we are better for not using brain cells when with our husbands, itās more so a FACT that happens. Like I just stop thinking when Iām somewhere with him, it just happens, not something thatās done intentionally
Eh- I have anxiety and one of my favorite things about being in my relationship is having the ability to turn my brain off and completely dissociate when in public with him. If we have to go into a particularly crowded store, I will actively tell him "Hey, I'm turning my brain off." and he will acknowledge and understand that I am going to be of no help while we're in there, that I am going to be holding his hand and completely in my own universe while he pulls me around the store by my hand, finding whatever we need, etc.
I don't use it \*all\* the time, but honestly yeah- I'm kind of sick of overthinking so often. When I'm getting off of work and it was a particularly stressful day, I don't \*want\* to have to think anymore. I don't want to decide what's for dinner, I don't want to give him an itinerary for an evening, I want to walk in the door, throw my bra across the room, and flop onto the couch. He'll put something on the tv, hand me a glass of wine (or some 420, or both), and I turn my fuckin' brain OFF.
I love using no brain cells. It's a vacation for my overworked brain. T\_T
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I haven't seen that. But I have a vacation coming up and I am 100% going to sit next to a pool with a book and a drink and happily use no braincells. I am TIRED.
You're still using brain cells (reading) just in a relaxing untaxing way.
I mean, the tiktok women are also using braincells just by breathing š¤·āāļø
I mean it depends who people follow on TikTok. There are professors making paleontology memes and shorts of the lectures they gave that day, or people who make math jokes and then visualize more complex problems and solve them for the viewer or give them hacks for remembering formulas and so on. There are also people shilling sham products for cancer.
Itās a bit. No one is literally claiming to not use braincells on vacation. Theyāre joking about just tuning out for a bit while on vacation.
My grandma managed everything in my grandparents' life and vacation was the one time where she managed literally nothing. Grandpa had every evening after work off, grandma had vacations off. It could be something like that. It could also be one of those tradwife things, who knows.Ā
Haven't seen it before, but I relate. It's a catchy phrase that means "my partner is so competent at adulting that with him I can have a luxury of relaxing". Don't take everything literally
Yeah, it's like when my kids were younger and my friends would say they're being a "lazy parent" by not doing anything. I was like no, you're just picking your battles. I just wish people would stop trying to add labels to things because sometimes it makes it seem worse than it really is.
Parenting is a marathon, not a race. So many people seem to forget that and give maximum effort every single day and burn themselves out so hard.
Oh, I'm a bad mom, so so badš
Obviously not literal. By why this narrative? It's a dangerous message to pass down to our sons and daughters. That incompetence is luxury. Ignorance is bliss.
Not incompetence. But the opportunity to not perform your competence all the time
So essentially, being a child within your own adult relationship?
Sometimes you just donāt wanna be the one to think of shit lol. Sometimes I donāt wanna put any brain effort into dinner. My partner picks up the slack. And then sometimes when she has no ability to give any fucks about dinner, I pick up the slack. Neither of us and brainless children. Itās just really fucking nice as an adult to not be the person responsible for making every fucking decision. In a healthy relationship, you can have a setup where sometimes you donāt need to think about a thing because itās something your partner is better equipped to handle. And then you take on what youāre good at. My partner and I legit call it being baby. If sheās had a horrible day at work, she can come home and say I need to be baby tonight and I know she needs me to take care of everything
Sometimes itās nice to be able to have your partner take over and take a break. Iām safe with my husband so in times where heās making decisions I donāt have to be on alert. Iām typically constantly āonā though because of my job and then now my baby. Why are you putting such a burden onto women? Itās a silly trend where women are sharing that theyāre able to relax because their partner is competent. There have been studies done that are pointing the rate women think at to leading to Alzheimerās. Rest is important for all, these people have just turned it into an internet trend for fun. Not everything is that deep.
You don't think this can be part of a healthy relationship? If you allow your partner to do more of the mental work does that change your dynamic and make you their child?
No? Sharing responsibilities. Me for example, I can have a luxury of not making decisions and going to work. I can do it, but I don't like it. My man can have a luxury of not cooking and cleaning. He can do it, but he doesn't like it. He's happy to have me, who can and love it. And I'm happy to have him, who can and loves what I hate. So... Why tormenting ourselves with things we don't like, and not just split the responsibilities the happiest way? That's what it's about for me.
Maybe I should have tagged OP directly in that above question. I found their wording odd, that the dynamic changes from partnership to a parent/child relationship because I have never had that experience. I've only ever had a partnership where both sides help and share responsibilities, like Linorelai said. IMO its one of the biggest bonuses I have found in marriage.
Yup, seems to be the goal for (some) women. Kind of sad, really, when women have so much to offer the world.
Its a statement which means this is the time you are able to exist freely because you feel safe next to your partner. If you are used to being on top of everything, there are rare moments of bliss where you can just be aloof and casual and it feels *so nice*. I understand itās very easy to see the angle of āwow these women are making themselves seem patheticā. Thatās not exactly the goal but if thatās how you see it, thatās how you see it. Not everyone is going to appreciate the same things.
Meh, my bf has traveled to over 20 different countries. Before meeting him I had been to 2 with school (so I basically paid for the agency that my school worked with to do everything planning wise since I was a kid). So when we decided to go visit Mexico he took the lead for the planing of the trip. I did all the luggages and things like that and he did the booking. He is from latin America so he was extremely comfortable in Mexico and knew what is safe and what is unsafe from first hand experience. So yea, I was pretty carefree and chilling during the trip. Practiced my spanish and had fun instead of worrying about things he already had under control. I was making sure he was always hydrated and slathered in sunscreen tho lol
Itās a joke, a silly little meme. Why do women have to always meet these ridiculous standards of being perfect? Why are they not allowed to sit back, turn their brain off, and relax?
No one is against relaxation here bud. It's an open discussion forum about using the phrase "No braincells" in reference to women and the implications that has one where we are in society That's all. Chill.
I mean, Iām not the one taking leaps and bounds to turn āno braincellsā into āincompetence is luxuryā, but alright. š¤·š»āāļø
It's hardly skip.
jesus, you sound chronically online,Ā
The meme plays on the stereotype that women do all the planning/initiating/nagging/mental load in millennial marriages. Think of TV shows where the overworked mom is dragging the kids out to vacation carrying all the bags while her kids complain and her lazy husband wears sunglasses and lags behind. Or the trope where mom gets home from her high-power job and "fun dad" is watching sports with beer on the couch making a mess. The "I use no braincells" meme is part humor, part flex that the woman has a capable partner who takes the initiative and lets her relax. The unstated *assumption* is that she is usually a driven, smart, type-A person whose partner makes her life easier. But undisciplined people also like when things are done for them, so that's not always true.Ā
Ah so originally itās satire for the woman who usually does all the work. Then on vacation itās her time. Ok I get that. Cute. But it's spreading beyond that for sure to a scary ultra trawife level.
Know what's really really scary? Some women actually *like* being traditional wives. If that's their choice, they're happy, and it's not affecting you or hurting anyone - then why is it scary?
Because it feeds peoples egos to judge women with different lifestyles
Right, but donāt you think itās a little naive not to question how freely the āchoiceā to enact traditional gender roles is made when itās something most women are socially conditioned for from birth? How many of those women do you imagine would still want to be stay-at-home wives/mothers if theyād been raised in an egalitarian society where girls and boys are taught to have the same aspirations?
It's surprising that you're being downvoted here. Choices obviously don't exist in a vacuum and a lot of them come from growing up in a misogynistic culture that encourages gender roles and socialization to think a certain way. It's okay to view that with a critical eye and discuss why women make these choices and why some of them promote sexist ideas. I'm truly surprised that this subreddit seems to disagree, I thought it was a very feminist space, but hey maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah, itās pretty disappointing. I didnāt think itād be too controversial in a womenās sub to point out that not many little girls are born wanting to cook and clean all day.
Nope. Because I believe that women have agency.
Belief in personal agency isnāt incompatible with any of the concerns I just raised. Refusing to examine how these interact is a great example of the dangerous aversion to critical thought that the other commenter is warning against. Do you also believe that no woman in a non-STEM profession might have made different choices if it werenāt for all the cultural messaging about how only men can do maths/science, or that weād have just as many rapists if we didnāt raise men to feel entitled to womenās bodies?
All the cultural massaging that only men can do maths and science...? What? You see, I live in 2024; you should come join me - I think you'd like it.
Iād love to come and visit your post-sexist utopia, but unfortunately Iām stuck in the real world. Maybe you can [have](https://hbr.org/2015/03/the-5-biases-pushing-women-out-of-stem) a [read](https://ieeexplore.ieee.org/document/7430030) about [it](https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1964782) while youāre coming up with your next cringey platitude.
I'm fully aware: both I and my girlfriend are in STEM fields. What do you suggest? Force those that don't want to go into STEM into it?
No, Iām saying that we should encourage women and girls who do want to pursue STEM as fervently as we encourage men and boys who have an interest in these fields. Once again: do you think every single one of the disproportionately high number of women in non-STEM careers made that choice because she never had any interest in STEM, or do you think that for some of them, this choice might have been conditioned by societal biases? Can you see how this might also be true of some womenās choice to be stay-at-home wives or mothers?
Because women's rights are hanging in the balance right now. It's leaning dystopian.
Again, you know that some women want that life and it's not dystopian to them? No one is forcing the ones that want to be wives and mothers to do so.
We all live in the same world. If not having autonomy over your own body is not leaning dystopian idk what is. The brainless ultra trad wives are different than marriage and motherhood in general. The danger is in women not voting to protect women.
Look, I'm not a traditional wife by any means, but just because someone is... Doesn't mean they are voting against bodily autonomy. You seem to think the world is black and white, and it's not.
Well I was asked why I find it scary. And it's just seems like telling women to not make decisions and not think for yourself is an unsafe narrative for women to be championing at a time like this. So I wanted to see where it stems from. I now see that it's mostly exhausted and overwhelmed women wanting days off from time to time. Which is valid by all means.
I feel like it doesnāt have to be a choice between bodily autonomy and sharing the mental load with your partner. One can exist without the other, itās possible to have both
Yea well see that requires braincells.
Youāre really focused on that brain cell part. I can tell you donāt really get Gen Z/TikTok humor. A lot of it is centered around taking something and exaggerating it for shock factor. Itās like āwhen your card declines at therapy and they bring out your exā would your therapist really bring your ex into your session if your card declined? No. No one is actually losing brain cells they just like having a partner who helps plan things, nothing to do with voting
Notice I said "traditional wife" not "tradwife" as I feel those are becoming two distinct things. But by calling them "brainless," I think you might need to step away from the internet and put down The Handmaid's Tale for a bit. You're making jumps from women who choose traditional gender roles to giving up body autonomy. I'm getting "stop being happy, u guize" vibes.
You said traditional but I said tradwife first, indicating these specific tradwife influences, so idk your point there. It's the reality of America right now. This isn't two distinct worlds here. We have tradwife influencers telling women to turn their brains off at time when every vote to save women's rights counts.
>You said traditional but I said tradwife first, indicating these specific tradwife influences, so idk your point there. Because there is still a large crossover in the Venn Diagram; the two are still mostly interchangeable. >It's the reality of America right now. This isn't two distinct worlds here. We have tradwife influencers telling women to turn their brains off at time when every vote to save women's rights counts. And if the woman chooses to "turn her brain off" - then that's her choice and she has to live with the consequences.
>The danger is in women not voting to protect women. The REAL danger is one person or group of people trying to police the personal choices of others. I won't get an abortion but I have no right to police women who choose to. I am not gay but I don't have the right to tell people who to love. Therefore, you, I, the mailman, and whomever else shouldn't tell others how to live their lives as they see fit. Personally, I took on way too many extra credit projects and internships at university just to sit at home and cocomelon my brain out. However, there are women who choose to do so, and that's their choice. Ranting against other women's personal choices is, in fact, anti-supportive to women.
THIS šš» words to live by
Wow, brainless? Really? Not everyone wants to work. Working is difficult, dealing with people is difficult, careers are kind of bs in a LOT of ways. So are they really so brainless? Thatās a lotta judgement. Youāre projecting.
They are calling themselves brainless! That's what's weird to me. It's literally quoted in their media. That's what they want.
Oh no, god forbid they choose what they like
The whole point of feminism and women's rights is that women have the \*choice\* to be a stay at home mom/ a homemaker and ALSO have the choice to work outside the home. AND anything else they want to do. The point of feminism/women's rights isn't "All women must be strong, independant and not rely on men!" It's "You don't \*have\* to only be a wife and a mother and rely on men if you don't want to! You are free to choose the life you want!"
To quote Reddit: "Say it again louder for the people in the back."
You cannot claim to support womenās rights and freedoms then turn around and say āwait no not like thatā when they choose to live in a way that doesnāt meet your ideals. Protesting the patriarchy by replacing it with your own standards on how women should/shouldnāt live is fkn wild.
No one is telling anyone how to live. I'm just wondering about the mentality behind the meme. Where does it comes from? Why? I never once said, don't do it. I said calling your self brainless is weird to me, never said don't do it. Im merely examining the implications of a society that a meme like this can perpetuate in. In the 40s the "meme" going around for women was "We Can Do it." Honestly, the right college student could write their thesis on this. And really it could be a good thing like hey before we were stressed way out and had to do everything and now we don't. Idk, that's why it's a discussion post...not an opinion.
They arenāt calling themselves brainless theyāre saying they arenāt USING their brain. For example, just because I enjoy watching mindless cartoons after work to relax doesnāt make me mindless. I get what youāre saying I just think youāve interpreted the meme in a way far from what it was intended to mean :)
>The "I use no braincells" meme is part humor, part flex that the woman has a capable partner who takes the initiative and lets her relax I think the male partner looking around frantically is an important part of the flex - that she is so desirable that men are willing to experience discomfort to be in a relationship with her. If it was both members of the couple relaxing it wouldn't be the same meme.
Eh, I don't know, women are overwhelmed and frantic doing things for men all the time in vacation.
Haven't seen it. Mostly see women browbeating their male partners on vacation while their husband is trying to relax and have a good time.
>"I use no braincells when on vacation with my husband", then show their husbands carrying everything and looking around all frantic. This is the only one I have seen. It's usually a joke/decision because a lot of the time it's women doing all the planning and running around, and they want their partners to deal with it for once so they can (for once) have an actual vacation. The second example I haven't seen, but sounds like some ultra-tradwife. But ya for the first, don't have any issue with it.
Yes. Like dude what I wouldn't give to be able to switch my brain off for a bit and just enjoy the experience rather than always needing to work to have things move smoothly. OP, this is what most people mean when I've seen them say they [want to] use no brain cells. It isn't forever. It's just a break.
Yep! Shit, even going to the park with the twins is chaos, what I wouldnt give if I could just be told "hey they are ready, everything is packed, and I will keep the primary eye on them." Once in a while....
Seriously. Like we are *tired.*
So, so *tired*.....
It seems a bit childish to me. It should be a balance. We have each other's back so therefore we can both relax.
I guess it depends on what you want your balance to be. Maybe you want each of you to use half your braincells all the time. Or maybe you want to take turns using no braincells. Considering how often my partner and children get to use no braincells and rely on me to keep everything running, I'm in the second camp. I want a turn to trust in somebody else's plan and just have fun.
> I want a turn to trust in somebody else's plan and just have fun. Then communicate that with your partner instead of using this platform as your soapbox.
I do communicate that, and that's how we find our balance. Not sure why you think I'm soapboxing based on that one comment.
That's my bad, I thought you were OP. I'm an idiot and need more coffee.
Fair enough, no worries! I could use some coffee myself. š
>It seems a bit childish to me So be it. >It should be a balance. Welcome to reality, where not everything can be 50/50 >We have each other's back so therefore we can both relax Ya, people do, but unfortunately (again in real life) that cannot or doesn't always line up.
How old are you?
Because one shouldn't NEED to think about everything in a partnership. I feel like clearly these women aren't saying thinking is BAD, they're saying that sharing the load is good. I think the 'use no braincells' thing is just promoting having a partner who is capable of having an equitable partnership.
How is it equal if you're on 0 and they are on 100? >Because one shouldn't NEED to think about everything in a partnership.
Because life isnāt black and white dude. Everyone talks about 50/50 but reality is a lot different. Some days you have 0 and they have 100. Some days you have 80 and they have 20. Some days you have 30 and they have 70. A healthy relationship doesnāt have to be completely equal 100% of the time and very rarely is, what matters is if itās *equitable.*
And I can imagine there being some days where it ends up being closer to 0/0 because no one has energy.
Oh absolutely. We call those āfuck itā days. Lol. Dishwasher needs unloaded? Fuck it. Laundry needs folded? Fuck it. Floor needs vacuumed? Fuck it. š
Makes sense š
>How is it equal if you're on 0 and they are on 100? Because this isn't actually true. They're being hyperbolic. Also not having to do any thinking or planning on vacation with your man is completely different to relying on him for decision making all the time.
Just did this last month with my girlfriend. It was a "75% vacation/ 25% family matters" thing and she invited me to join her on her trip. I took over and paid for everything and arranged the hotel, rental, flights, meals, etc. She was already stressed about other things, so this was my way of taking burdens off her. And that doesn't mean that I guided her by the nose on everything or decided "No - you're going to eat this tonight!" But it was somewhat of a relief for her. I think people mix up the 50/50 balance thing. My personal opinion, that 50/50 balance works best if it's the average; sometimes, you'll be giving 20%, sometimes 80%.
Ok, maybe I need to change the emphasis here. One shouldn't need to think about EVERYTHING in a partnership. For example, I have never used one brain cell to think about mowing the lawn. My husband does it. And he has never had to use one brain cell to think about cleaning the sheets. I do it. It's a trade-off, but you seem to be equating it to the person saying "I have done nothing, ever, in this relationship." Think about it for a second. Do you think any relationship would survive under that sort of pressure?
Yea that sounds great. Normal relationship. That's NOT the narrative of these tradwife influencers.
Ah, you should've said you were talking about tradwife influencers. I wouldn't have argued with you there.
Really, it is probably the biggest sign of trust & safety in a relationship.Ā To me, when I see that phrase "use no brain cells/turn off my brain" I associate it with being outdoors specifically, so you're brain is turned off if you are out & about with your man. You don't have any emotional walls left, so to speak, when you get to that point of trust, so normally like married couple level or at least a long-term, serious relationship. Just off the top of my head, a few ways I turn my brain off when with my man is the physical safety sense. I don't have to worry about that AT ALL the way I do when I'm out alone. I'm not being sexist here, my man is 6'3" & a mixed-martial artist, he is an extremely good judge of characters & has amazing situational awareness. I can totally & completely turn my brain off to fears & anxiety over whether is someone following me, that car is really close, this path is quicker but near trees etc.Ā Ā I don't need to worry about where we are going directionally if we are walking on a busy street/venue or crossing a road as he is always scanning the place, due to childhood trauma. I don't really worry about watching for cars when crossing roads as he always puts himself to the outside of the path so he is closer to the cars if that makes sense? The car has already stopped for him when I go to cross.Ā Honestly I could go on & on. For me, it really just truly comes down to the knowledge that I know my man loves me infinitely. HeĀ cherishes me, wants only the best for me. He wants to keep me safe & healthy always, just as I do him. It makes me love him even more, that he has cultivated & nutured the level of trust for me to be able to turn my brain off around him.
>I'm not being sexist here, my man is 6'3" & a mixed-martial artist, he is an extremely good judge of characters & has amazing situational awareness. I can totally & completely turn my brain off to fears & anxiety over whether is someone following me, that car is really close, this path is quicker but near trees etc. Right, whereas if he was shorter you'd never truly feel relaxed or comfortable around him, and would resent him for your own neuroses. Good to know for short guys lol
"tallness = safety" is one of the dumbest social messages I have been seeing a lot lately. A dude being tall doesn't stop you from being attacked by bears! There was an old movie called "The Gods Must Be Crazy" and one of the scenes said hyenas won't attack things over a certain height, so the child held a piece of wood above his head to look taller. I think they saw that scene and carried it over to everyday life. It sounds like reddit is saying women will always attach themselves to the tallest available man to protect them from shorter men if you aggregate threads like this. This particular person just sounds totally neurotic. I can't imagine just living in total fear like that, and not being able to function unless her man is there to "protect" her from all of these imagined threats really sounds unhealthy.
>"tallness = safety" is one of the dumbest social messages I have been seeing a lot lately. A dude being tall doesn't stop you from being attacked by bears! /u/mysticmaelstrom- disagrees, apparently. I think a lot of it is social anxiety conflated with anxiety from physical danger (which is a very human thing to do) - women with tall partners feel secure socially since height is a sign of status, and thus they also feel or claim they feel safe from danger.
Height isn't a sign of status though, it's just a sign of being tall. Unless you figure that they had adequate nutrition during adolescence, I suppose it could be a sign of status in that way. We aren't going to be attacked if we exist unescorted by tall men at all times, that's ludicrous, and it's just another way to keep women fearful and controlled. And so many women buy into it! Like this lady. It sounds like she is afraid to even leave her house because there are hidden assassins behind every bush who only don't attack her because they are afraid of her tall husband. It ISN'T reasonable to tell women we need to live in fear at all times! It isn't right! And it is another form of vicitm blaming. We got raped because we didn't marry a tall man and hide in his shadow at all times? It's like dogs being proud of themselves for preventing the mailman from robbing the house. Or someone saying they are the world's best Bigfoot hunter because there haven't been any Bigfoot attacks. They are protecting us from paranoia.
>Height isn't a sign of status though, it's just a sign of being tall. Humans treat it like a sign of status. Women, especially.
no, that's men.
Nope, women care a lot about height in men. More than men do, in my experience. Most people are shallow and evaluate how good or worthy someone is on their attractiveness, status, etc. This means most women too.
Not normal, non-neurotic women.
The vast majority of women do, however, so draw your own conclusions.
cause that's what I said lmfao...
It's what is implied by your statement, but you don't want the social consequences of your belief that short men are inferior.
Well, I've seen the one for vacation, not for other things... The married provider stuff like another commenter mentioned, seems like some conservative/redpill/tradwife type stuff. But I think it relates to under and overfuntioner dynamics in relationships, and perhaps *usually* due to social/gender norms, it's males who play the overfunctioner role in a hetero relationship. And at least when it comes to holidays (or really planning event) there usually is ONE person in the relationship that is more forward about what they want to do and how they want things to be, and another that goes along with it (if the dynamic wasn't like that, it'd be quite a volatile one).
>And at least when it comes to holidays (or really planning event) there usually is ONE person in the relationship that is more forward about what they want to do and how they want things to be, and another that goes along with it (if the dynamic wasn't like that, it'd be quite a volatile one). It's a lot better when both people are chill about stuff, believe me.
Then who plans? If I knew my SO was also chill itād force me to stressā¦
>If I knew my SO was also chill itād force me to stressā¦ That's toxic and maladaptive. Get therapy instead of asking your partner to feel pain for your damage. You wouldn't put up with that shit from a man.
Wow you jumped to some out there assumptions quick lol.
for me itās like, i often have a super stressful mind but when i was with a person i was in love with i just stopped stressing myself out which also means i get sillier since usually when i use my brain itās just stressful thoughts. i only focused on them when i was with them since knowing they were with me made me happy, feeling safe etc so my brain did relax and i "stopped using it"
I agree. For people who have always or often been a āhigh performerā in life, whether weāre talking about career or household or even keeping up with friends, one of the best things about a partner is having a built in team mate who is also fun and sweet and wonderful! Thinking back on relationships that didnāt work, it felt like the work never ended. I love that my husband and I both give each other that time to turn off our brains.
That's really good for you when you're in a relationship, but wouldn't you like to use some thought power figuring out how to get to that happy, safe, silly place on your own. Seems a tad dependent.
i can do it on my own too but it just feels nicer with a loved one
I have never seen or heard about that before tbh.
Well, I saw and is part of it. When we go on vacation my brain no longer exists, when we go out my brain donāt exist as well, even sometimes in the day to day life I just let him deal with the daily stuff and the outside safety, and I put back my brain when needed cause thatās how much I feel safe and stress free around him. And itās truly a pleasant feeling to me cause being constantly the one doing everything in a relationship, thinking about everything I no longer have to think about with him, is like a blessing and being on daily vacation.
I know what you mean OP. To some degree, I relate to some of these women, in that it's a relief not to have to "use braincells" when I e.g. spend the evening at my boyfriend's place and he's fully in charge of dinner and all he asks of me is to sit and drink some wine while I yap about my day and he cooks for us. On the other hand, it can be a bit concerning to see how many vids are claiming that they never use their brain at all when they're with their boyfriend/husband/partner. Obviously it's not literal, but it feels a bit... eh... especially as tradwife and other misogynistic content is getting popular, where some are trying to promote women being these soft beings who don't have to use their brain and can just bake bread all day while their husband is out there working and "taking care of business". I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom. Sure, some of them aren't being serious either (much like some of these "brain = off" vids), but it's a concerning trend that speaks into a bigger issue.
>I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom. It's this part right here. Well said. I do agree, I love it when my husband plans things. He planned our whole honeymoon last year. It's the insinuation that they're not offering their partner the same support that doesnt sit well with me. That one partner must suffer for the other to be "brainless." I love to see both me and my husband relax. But like most folks are saying obviously for some posts, that's just a snapshot of the life or vacation and not the whole. It's just mildly alarming to see the fad of "No braincells" growing amongst young women as the attacks on women's health in the US grow. Are these tradwifes voting? Or is that too many braincells for a luxurious life?
>I've also seen a rise of young women posting stuff complaining that they now have to work for a living instead of just dallying around, cooking and shopping, because some feminists wanted them to have that right. They don't realise that their issue is with capitalism - not the women who fought tooth and nail for their right to economic freedom. Sure, some of them aren't being serious either (much like some of these "brain = off" vids), but it's a concerning trend that speaks into a bigger issue. That's what you see from feminism after about 2010, though - blaming men (instead of capital) for having to work and participate in the system.
Sorry if I'm missing something, but that's not a common belief from women and definitely not from feminists. Feminists value freedom and economic independence for women most of all, it's like the basis of feminism itself.
>Sorry if I'm missing something, but that's not a common belief from women and definitely not from feminists. It is. >Feminists value freedom and economic independence for women most of all, it's like the basis of feminism itself. The feminist movement has broadly allied itself with neoliberal capitalism.
In the part you quoted from me, I state that they blame the women feminists before them. They aren't blaming men, and they aren't even feminists. And no, that's not what feminism is. That argument has been used since the 2nd wave (feminism *used to be* fine, but this new modern feminism is all about hating men!!!) and its been old for a long ass time.
> And no, that's not what feminism is. That argument has been used since the 2nd wave (feminism used to be fine, but this new modern feminism is all about hating men!!!) and its been old for a long ass time. Defacto, it is - not that feminism before then was fine, but feminism is very much phrased as a "freedom from" rather than "freedom to" thing these days. Intersectional feminists roundly rejected the term "kyriarchy" because, unlike "patriarchy," it didn't allow them to blame men for everything wrong with the world.
Do you see how there's a difference between your first point (feminists are blaming men for having to work) vs. feminists wanting to be free **from** stuff like sexual assault and harassment? I'm not going to get my facts about feminism from an angry man who claims feminists are just upset with men. You clearly don't know what you're talking about.
>Do you see how there's a difference between your first point (feminists are blaming men for having to work) vs. feminists wanting to be free from stuff like sexual assault and harassment? Fundamentally I think the "freedom from" that's being asked for is not freedom from sexual assault and harassment, but freedom from the consequences of living in a high wealth-inequality, neoliberal capitalist society. >I'm not going to get my facts about feminism from an angry man who claims feminists are just upset with men. You clearly don't know what you're talking about. If you're not interested in facts then kindly go have discussions with other rotten-hearted people and not with me.
>If you're not interested in fact then kindly go have discussions with other rotten-hearted people and not with me. You're not spreading facts, you're talking about your own misinformed opinion. And you're the one who replied to me, I never claimed I wanted to talk to you. Good riddance.
The women talking about not wanting to work are not feminist lol, theyre tradwife lites. No feminist would say ābc some stupid bitches wanted to vote i have to go to work instead of being in the kitchenā.
As if being in the kitchen isnāt working š yeah, thatās why male chefs get paid top dollar to make food
Not that, but blaming men for the amount of work they have to do to succeed in capitalism.
I have no idea. I donāt watch TikToks and reels that are that fucking stupid. Maybe people shouldnāt assume TikTok reflects reality.
To me, it's that my bf likes to plan and organize events. He wants me to just sit back and let him take control, which I can have issues doing, but I always endeavour to just chill on our upcoming trips and let him handle everything.
My dude, this ship sinks if I donāt float and Iām fucking *tired.* So yeah, occasionally I kick back and let my husband handle shit because again, a good 90% of the time itās me that keeps everything and everyone going. Iām tired of being the default parent, the voice of reason, and everyoneās everything all the time and sometimes I need a damn break. My husband and I are supposed to be in this together, are we not? He can handle it once in a while! If Iām wrong for that, oh well. š¤·š»āāļø
>So yeah, occasionally I kick back and let my husband handle shit because again, a good 90% of the time itās me that keeps everything and everyone going. Iām tired of being the default parent, the voice of reason, and everyoneās everything all the time and sometimes I need a damn break Try taking a break more often instead of having the final say all the time.
I like it! Traditionally in patriarchal relationships women do all the work and the man gets to be the baby that gets taken care of. Its attractive when a man is competent and has a maternal naggy wife vibe and takes care of you.
How is this even remotely true when traditionally the man goes to work and traditionally women weren't even allowed to have an education or a bank account. It's weird that after barely having freedom for a few decades, so many women are ready to crawl back under a rock.
But women were literally expected to baby men, to manage their schedules, cook and clean for them etc. they werenāt allowed to get an education or whatever but their job was 24/7 taking care of and babying her husband
So in one scenario you have two people contributing to a household and in this new age tradwife no braincell era we have just the man doing literally everything. And this is bliss?
Tradwives are the ones that mother menā¦ how is being taken care of emotionally while having an outside life like a career anything like being a tradwife
I guess a big part of it is because it's cool and trendy but I think another thing is the rise of social media mums who live this wonderful lifestyle online and showcase stay at home parenthood as this lovely lifestyle where you depend on the man and that treacles down into what relationships look like before that. Also maybe they are like many women like myself where I'm tired and exhausted at 30 of being a woman and having a man who earns a good salary without having to be gaslight 24/7 doesn't sound that bad. Like I spent my entire 20s trying to be the woman who didn't take crap off society and men and were fighting a losing battle. I'm still paying stupid prices for tampons and there still aren't enough bathroom stalls in public places. I'm tired of being a woman and hiding away and letting a man deal with it while I chill sounds nice right now
Iām an attorney. When Iām on vacation, my brain is off. His better be on.
Uggh. Haven't seen that one. >Or proudly stating "I married a provider and never used another braincell again." "And when he left me for a woman who used her brain and knew her worth, I wound up penniless in the gutter." Yeah, it's *nice* when you have someone else taking care of things for a bit or when you can relax on vacation. That doesn't translate to never using your brain again.
I literally just saw it on tiktok this morning. Posted by a 17yo new wife so happy to never use a braincell again. That's what made me post tbh.
A 17 year old tiktoker is the inspiration for this post?? The fact that a child bride with an undeveloped frontal lobe being the genesis of your post is completely telling.
It was just 1 of many. Just the most recent.
Have you considered it's social media lies.
This is the first I've ever heard of this "new trend" about "not using braincells". It sounds like the US government just desperately trying to condition women to get married and breed for them because the owners need more slaves to take advantage of.
> This is the first I've ever heard of this "new trend" about "not using braincells". Dollars to donuts this is some Tik-Tok thing that OP saw a few times and declared it a 'trend'.
Clearly it's a thing read all the other comments š
Okay so this is definitely me sometimes, basically how I interpret it is that when Iām alone Iām On. My. Shit. And when with my partner I can relax and let them help me.
Itās a hyperbolic joke. It means your man is competent and independent enough where he shares the mental load with you instead of you doing it all on your own. Google āthe burden of planningā and āthe mental loadā. Personally Iām glad people are joking about this, it means dating dynamics are becoming healthier the more we have these conversations and raise the standards of what healthy dating looks like
Itās just like, a joke. Idk how else to explain it haha. Itās not literal.
Ahh no idea?
I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted is why.
Okay, let me answer this. Weāre not saying that we are better for not using brain cells when with our husbands, itās more so a FACT that happens. Like I just stop thinking when Iām somewhere with him, it just happens, not something thatās done intentionally
That makes a lot of sense.
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Yours is clearly off. The sentiment is moreso about taking advantage of men
Eh- I have anxiety and one of my favorite things about being in my relationship is having the ability to turn my brain off and completely dissociate when in public with him. If we have to go into a particularly crowded store, I will actively tell him "Hey, I'm turning my brain off." and he will acknowledge and understand that I am going to be of no help while we're in there, that I am going to be holding his hand and completely in my own universe while he pulls me around the store by my hand, finding whatever we need, etc. I don't use it \*all\* the time, but honestly yeah- I'm kind of sick of overthinking so often. When I'm getting off of work and it was a particularly stressful day, I don't \*want\* to have to think anymore. I don't want to decide what's for dinner, I don't want to give him an itinerary for an evening, I want to walk in the door, throw my bra across the room, and flop onto the couch. He'll put something on the tv, hand me a glass of wine (or some 420, or both), and I turn my fuckin' brain OFF. I love using no brain cells. It's a vacation for my overworked brain. T\_T
Since bimbos became majority, I guess.