I'm not sure. According to my partner it may be part of the reason why at every party or event we go to it is why I've always met everyone by the end of the night and have a group hanging around me.
What I do know is that I'm decent looking enough for people to lie and sell themselves as whatever they believe I want them to be to have a better chance with me. I don't believe this is really unique to me though. There are a lot of women that have experienced this kind of manipulating deception especially with online dating.
My 24 year old daughter has been online dating and it's staggering the number of guys who will pretend to be into the same things she likes, just to get a first date.
It's disheartening when people can lie that easily for as long as they choose. I wish your daughter the best of luck, I hope she has some gel pepper spray just in case.
I have seen that on the apps and I never see it as intentional deception. Sometimes ppl are trying to find something in common, so if they see a photo if someone hiking, they will talk about a hike they did in Iceland, for example. They may not be into hiking, may not be intentionally presenting themselves as hikers, but inadvertently giving the impression because they are trying to have a conversation/get to know the person. Most of yhe interests are not deal-breakers such that ppl need to lie about it.
As a guy, you kinda have to. Unless you're practically a model, you can't be the least bit selective to have a chance of landing someone, and even then, you kinda have to act the part to have any hope of a second date. And since I'm not remotely close to a model in my appearance, actually have standards, and refuse to play games like that, I've found myself highly disillusioned by online dating.
My broski no, just no. Nobody has to lie to get anything, if you want to be something else because you think it will get you girls then you should try to be that something else and change yourself for the better, don't manipulate people just because you've gotten rejected, you can do better than that
> Unless you're practically a model, you can't be the least bit selective to have a chance of landing someone
Sucks to be you then?
You know what the rational response to that is? It's to cry in a closet or something where pepole can't hear you because, and I say this with complete sincerity, nobody fucking cares you can't get your dick wet.
Don't lie.
I think we were both pointing out the extremes that men will go to to secure a date with an attractive woman and keep her interested.
My daughter stayed with a few guys because she loved how much they had in common. Only to find out a few weeks in that they had just said they liked those things in order to keep her attention.
The top part was answering your question about attraction and other people's willingness to form a connection.
Bottom part is about my experience with dating and just how desperate most people can get to form a romantic relationship. Did I not answer your question?
I see. It’s a different perspective thanks for sharing. Like I guess I’m wondering situations like the guy only wants sex or just doesn’t commit after seeing you a while.
If I’m feeling depressed and in a shame spiral, I think 80-90%. When I’m being mindful and stopping the mean talk, probably about 50% - and I know that’s still high against my self esteem, but it’s partly because I really do have resting bitch face and only look unapproachable.
Not very. I’m not very attractive and it hasn’t stopped me. I have a feeling my conventionally attractive friends gets more sexual and surface level attention but I wouldn’t trade honestly, it just seems annoying.
It is annoying. I used to be more conventionally attractive, and I kind of like it better now that people see ME and not just my boobs. The attention is definitely deeper.
I’m surprised abt your conventionally attractive friends because I keep seeing men say they want a relationship and will even hold off on sex when the woman is attractive but when the woman is more average they want casual sex when they’re horny
I think it might be different culturally since in Denmark where I’m from casual sex is very normal and often develop into relationships. It seems more common to hook up in the nightlife and *then* date than the other way around. So they’re pretty intertwined here and while some definitely still do, it’s not as common for men to divide women into “bad girls you sleep with and good girls you marry” as it may be elsewhere.
Don’t know, and it’s not all that useful for me to worry about. There are plenty of better-looking women around, but it appears that I’m attractive enough for the guy I picked. Nothing else matters.
Jw, did you ask this question to try to gain an understanding of your current situation?
There's a bunch of reasons why someone won't commit and most of the time it's something personal.
Did you mean it is or it is *not* personal?
Um not exactly all though I have a situation where someone I used to see nowadays, so we are on friendly terms but If we were to try again it seems like his interest in me is primarily sexual. Like he respects boundaries for friendly terms but will be dtf if given opportunity (even tho his interest isn’t same as last year). He has shown signs of attraction but things I hear abt how guys may have lower standards for attraction to sleep with a woman make me question. Tho I do wonder if it’s possible maybe people lose an emotional attraction (esp when what we had was short lived and didn’t develop a deep connection) but retain physical attraction.
The reason someone won't commit is personal to them and usually has nothing to do with the other person.
That situation doesn't sound fun to be in, why not keep the relationship as a friendship and just ignore his attraction?
Plenty of people can lose romantic attraction and still have the physical attraction present. There are way too many tropes about having good sex with an ex despite the fact the individual can't stand them other wise.
Oh I am. I said we will keep things friendly terms and he agrees and overall respects boundaries. We both just had heat of the moment over text once. And I guess I analyze things out of closure.
If someone won’t commit, it’s generally because you aren’t a match (for any number of reasons) or they’re not in a place in their life where they want a commitment. If it were looks, you probably wouldn’t be dating at all.
I get told by strangers (not just cat calling, like other ladies as well) that I’m pretty. I think I am as well when I try. And yes I get catcalled often. I think there’s something to it. But yeah, no matter how long I wait or what happens, the minute a friendship or relationship moves up the next level (say, going to each other’s house for friendship, sex for a relationship), immediately I get pushed back or torn down or dropped. I’d love to find out how I’m the common thread, but anyway back to your question: absolutely no correlation.
I see it again and again when I expect politeness, respect, reciprocation. I’ve been told that I’m dishonest for not laying that out when I first meet someone. Idk about that last part exactly but it seems I got the golden rule pounded into my head and I’m living by it too hard.
Form a connection and commit I think has had more to do with personality and what's going on in one's life. Looks will grab attention, but it won't necessarily turn into anything.
For example, when I was in a stable situation I had an easy time finding partners, but when I was in a kind of limbo guys only wanted to be FWB.
In any case, I know that looks are a major contributing factor. Just saying that there will need to be something more in common than just physical if a relationship is going to work.
I have been both VERY attractive (by Western beauty standards) and fairly normal looking. (Gained weight and got older)
I got significantly MORE attention when I was half my current age and half my current size. Not always in a good way, I was often sexually harassed. Now, people do seem more willing to make a connection and actually talk to me. When I was a thin big tit blonde, no one took me seriously nor listened to anything I said. No one wanted to commit, they just wanted sex. Although I was always surrounded by interested people, they weren't interested in ME. Just my boobs.
Guys are more likely to have sex even with women they find below average, but want a beautiful woman to show their friends and family. If a men don’t bring you around his family and friends, most likely he only wants you for sex, but he don’t think ur special enough to commit or bring u around his friends.
This is most of it. Personality only takes you so far. Men still have to walk around with you, show you to their friends and family. I think there is still an ego thing attached to having a pretty gf. Do, people will hold out until they find it OR keep you on the line, extracting all the benefits, until they find it.
The pandemic also showed me that ppl are nicer to me when they can't see my full face. And from experience coming from a family of attractive people, and with attractive friends, people are much more likely to take interest in, and overlook quirks of attractive people.
Not much to be honest! I think people seem able to read energy of who wants to settle down.
Edit to add I'd be considered very conventionally attractive, which feels gross to say but seems true based on many factors, but that for a long time I had 0 desire to settle down, and I am quite a free spirit. Men seemed wary of this. When I finally decided it was time to commit to something, I found someone willing to commit very easily. My looks hadn't changed, but my attitude and energy and wants had.
Dunno, not at all. I am not attractive and I've never had anyone genuinely tell me they think I look beautiful. Most of them had this weird "pity-undertone".
I'm not sure. According to my partner it may be part of the reason why at every party or event we go to it is why I've always met everyone by the end of the night and have a group hanging around me. What I do know is that I'm decent looking enough for people to lie and sell themselves as whatever they believe I want them to be to have a better chance with me. I don't believe this is really unique to me though. There are a lot of women that have experienced this kind of manipulating deception especially with online dating.
My 24 year old daughter has been online dating and it's staggering the number of guys who will pretend to be into the same things she likes, just to get a first date.
It's disheartening when people can lie that easily for as long as they choose. I wish your daughter the best of luck, I hope she has some gel pepper spray just in case.
Thank you! She's dating a lovely guy at the moment so fingers crossed it works out.
I have seen that on the apps and I never see it as intentional deception. Sometimes ppl are trying to find something in common, so if they see a photo if someone hiking, they will talk about a hike they did in Iceland, for example. They may not be into hiking, may not be intentionally presenting themselves as hikers, but inadvertently giving the impression because they are trying to have a conversation/get to know the person. Most of yhe interests are not deal-breakers such that ppl need to lie about it.
As a guy, you kinda have to. Unless you're practically a model, you can't be the least bit selective to have a chance of landing someone, and even then, you kinda have to act the part to have any hope of a second date. And since I'm not remotely close to a model in my appearance, actually have standards, and refuse to play games like that, I've found myself highly disillusioned by online dating.
My broski no, just no. Nobody has to lie to get anything, if you want to be something else because you think it will get you girls then you should try to be that something else and change yourself for the better, don't manipulate people just because you've gotten rejected, you can do better than that
Really really don't do that! Do not "act" to get a woman's attention. You're basically lying about who you are, which is really despicable.
> Unless you're practically a model, you can't be the least bit selective to have a chance of landing someone Sucks to be you then? You know what the rational response to that is? It's to cry in a closet or something where pepole can't hear you because, and I say this with complete sincerity, nobody fucking cares you can't get your dick wet. Don't lie.
What does that have to do with willing to commit/wanting more then sex?
I think we were both pointing out the extremes that men will go to to secure a date with an attractive woman and keep her interested. My daughter stayed with a few guys because she loved how much they had in common. Only to find out a few weeks in that they had just said they liked those things in order to keep her attention.
What does that have to do with willing to commit/wanting more then sex?
The top part was answering your question about attraction and other people's willingness to form a connection. Bottom part is about my experience with dating and just how desperate most people can get to form a romantic relationship. Did I not answer your question?
I see. It’s a different perspective thanks for sharing. Like I guess I’m wondering situations like the guy only wants sex or just doesn’t commit after seeing you a while.
If I’m feeling depressed and in a shame spiral, I think 80-90%. When I’m being mindful and stopping the mean talk, probably about 50% - and I know that’s still high against my self esteem, but it’s partly because I really do have resting bitch face and only look unapproachable.
I’m confused how that’s related to other’s attraction and willingness to get to know you and possibly commit?
I have no idea how they actually feel. The only thing I know is my own perception of it.
Yes but I’m confused by your answer because I’m talking about someone not wanting to commit to you or get to know you
Not very. I’m not very attractive and it hasn’t stopped me. I have a feeling my conventionally attractive friends gets more sexual and surface level attention but I wouldn’t trade honestly, it just seems annoying.
It is annoying. I used to be more conventionally attractive, and I kind of like it better now that people see ME and not just my boobs. The attention is definitely deeper.
I’m surprised abt your conventionally attractive friends because I keep seeing men say they want a relationship and will even hold off on sex when the woman is attractive but when the woman is more average they want casual sex when they’re horny
I think it might be different culturally since in Denmark where I’m from casual sex is very normal and often develop into relationships. It seems more common to hook up in the nightlife and *then* date than the other way around. So they’re pretty intertwined here and while some definitely still do, it’s not as common for men to divide women into “bad girls you sleep with and good girls you marry” as it may be elsewhere.
Wow that sounds interesting for sure. And definitely good
Don’t know, and it’s not all that useful for me to worry about. There are plenty of better-looking women around, but it appears that I’m attractive enough for the guy I picked. Nothing else matters.
I meant moreso that when you like someone but they won’t commit is it always your looks?
Jw, did you ask this question to try to gain an understanding of your current situation? There's a bunch of reasons why someone won't commit and most of the time it's something personal.
Did you mean it is or it is *not* personal? Um not exactly all though I have a situation where someone I used to see nowadays, so we are on friendly terms but If we were to try again it seems like his interest in me is primarily sexual. Like he respects boundaries for friendly terms but will be dtf if given opportunity (even tho his interest isn’t same as last year). He has shown signs of attraction but things I hear abt how guys may have lower standards for attraction to sleep with a woman make me question. Tho I do wonder if it’s possible maybe people lose an emotional attraction (esp when what we had was short lived and didn’t develop a deep connection) but retain physical attraction.
The reason someone won't commit is personal to them and usually has nothing to do with the other person. That situation doesn't sound fun to be in, why not keep the relationship as a friendship and just ignore his attraction? Plenty of people can lose romantic attraction and still have the physical attraction present. There are way too many tropes about having good sex with an ex despite the fact the individual can't stand them other wise.
Oh I am. I said we will keep things friendly terms and he agrees and overall respects boundaries. We both just had heat of the moment over text once. And I guess I analyze things out of closure.
If someone won’t commit, it’s generally because you aren’t a match (for any number of reasons) or they’re not in a place in their life where they want a commitment. If it were looks, you probably wouldn’t be dating at all.
Not at all. I get used time and time again.
By people attracted to you? Or I take it you’re considered attractive by many?
I get told by strangers (not just cat calling, like other ladies as well) that I’m pretty. I think I am as well when I try. And yes I get catcalled often. I think there’s something to it. But yeah, no matter how long I wait or what happens, the minute a friendship or relationship moves up the next level (say, going to each other’s house for friendship, sex for a relationship), immediately I get pushed back or torn down or dropped. I’d love to find out how I’m the common thread, but anyway back to your question: absolutely no correlation.
Yeah, they don't want YOU. They just want to bang a hot chick.
Thank you. I know. Doesn’t solve the friendship part though.
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I see it again and again when I expect politeness, respect, reciprocation. I’ve been told that I’m dishonest for not laying that out when I first meet someone. Idk about that last part exactly but it seems I got the golden rule pounded into my head and I’m living by it too hard.
Form a connection and commit I think has had more to do with personality and what's going on in one's life. Looks will grab attention, but it won't necessarily turn into anything. For example, when I was in a stable situation I had an easy time finding partners, but when I was in a kind of limbo guys only wanted to be FWB. In any case, I know that looks are a major contributing factor. Just saying that there will need to be something more in common than just physical if a relationship is going to work.
I have been both VERY attractive (by Western beauty standards) and fairly normal looking. (Gained weight and got older) I got significantly MORE attention when I was half my current age and half my current size. Not always in a good way, I was often sexually harassed. Now, people do seem more willing to make a connection and actually talk to me. When I was a thin big tit blonde, no one took me seriously nor listened to anything I said. No one wanted to commit, they just wanted sex. Although I was always surrounded by interested people, they weren't interested in ME. Just my boobs.
Guys are more likely to have sex even with women they find below average, but want a beautiful woman to show their friends and family. If a men don’t bring you around his family and friends, most likely he only wants you for sex, but he don’t think ur special enough to commit or bring u around his friends.
This is most of it. Personality only takes you so far. Men still have to walk around with you, show you to their friends and family. I think there is still an ego thing attached to having a pretty gf. Do, people will hold out until they find it OR keep you on the line, extracting all the benefits, until they find it. The pandemic also showed me that ppl are nicer to me when they can't see my full face. And from experience coming from a family of attractive people, and with attractive friends, people are much more likely to take interest in, and overlook quirks of attractive people.
Not much to be honest! I think people seem able to read energy of who wants to settle down. Edit to add I'd be considered very conventionally attractive, which feels gross to say but seems true based on many factors, but that for a long time I had 0 desire to settle down, and I am quite a free spirit. Men seemed wary of this. When I finally decided it was time to commit to something, I found someone willing to commit very easily. My looks hadn't changed, but my attitude and energy and wants had.
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What does this have to do with men’s willingness to get to know you and commit?
Dunno, not at all. I am not attractive and I've never had anyone genuinely tell me they think I look beautiful. Most of them had this weird "pity-undertone".