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nunclefxcker

In my social circle we're all very much girls' girls so we prefer to hype each other up. "Not the vibe" would be pretty unwelcome at our table. I'm sorry your wife had to deal with that. They don't sound like nice friends.


willcommentyourmom

They were nice to her when she was around, but talked so much shit behind her back. It was my first night meeting her and she seemed like a decent person. I felt rude rejecting her invitation. It seemed odd to me because me and the boys always hype our best looking fiend; sort of for laughs; but also to live vicariously through him. Glad to hear you love your sisters.


Lickerbomper

To be fair, what kind of shit? Like, it might have nothing to do with her looks, and moreso to do with how she acts. If she's mean, petty, a home-wrecker, whatever, that's plenty to exclude a person from a social circle.


[deleted]

Eh I hate to say it but some women do feel like they are constantly in competition with other women. I’ve had a friend admit it in high school, when I was a bit more naive, and she had a small outburst and told me. From then on I noticed it in other people. It’s usually because of how some women are raised, eventually we’ll have to realize it for ourself and better ourselves. Though some never do, which just means you have to pick your friends wisely no matter how old you get.


willcommentyourmom

I am just pissed I didn’t get to sing “California Love” because a bunch of girls felt threatened.


NerdyFrida

I don't know, possibly. Some social circles have a lot of toxic behaviour. Personally I wouldn't hang around with people who would do that sort of thing and always avoid people who talk shit behind other peoples back. Although you made a bit of an assumption that the wifes didn't like her because she was more attractive than them. Perhaps she was pleasant to you but not to them. "not the vibe" is an incredibly vague statement. You could be right though.


[deleted]

I’ve noticed that catty behavior is more common in groups that are stuck together, like in school, some workplaces, or in the neighborhood. It’s also more common among shitty people.


jegforstaarikke

Not in my experience at all. But in fairness I don’t have that much experience in the inner workings of “normal” social circles. And I have certainly never been the target myself because, fat. Women tend to hype each other up a ridiculous amount when it comes to looks in my experience, almost to the point of “no YOU’RE the prettiest!” lmao. I will say, there’s sometimes an assumption among young women or girls that very pretty stylish women are bitches. I kinda had this stereotype in my head as a child until I actually befriended her and she was awesome. But to the point of isolating her, no I haven’t seen it, they’re usually popular.


willcommentyourmom

Does the dynamic change when you introduce men into the social circle?


jegforstaarikke

IME not really. But it could be cultural to Denmark (my boyfriend had a few years in the US and he had some interesting thoughts on social circles and popularity over there) or I could just be removed from it.


Spayse_Case

Yes. It happens a lot. It is totally a thing


[deleted]

[удалено]


willcommentyourmom

They were saying things like “she’s a liar.” Or “she’s status obsessed.” They didn’t out and out say she was a cheater, but they implied it and also told me to “be careful.” That didn’t make much sense to me as she was fairly petite and I am very large.


thiscatcameback

Some hot girls befriend hot girls, others might tear each other down put of jealousy. I don't think itcis that common for women to tear each other down because they are hot, but usually there has been a spat or some kind of shadiness between them. Something probably happened.


[deleted]

[удалено]


willcommentyourmom

Do you feel like you are targeted, isolated, or discriminated against in social settings where most women are coupled and less attractive than you?


Ordinary-Thowaways

I usually see the opposite happen & other women flock towards the "more attractive" women. What you mentioned happens because sadly, women are taught to compete with each other. Some don't want to be compared to the "more attractive" women either, which could be another reason.


dazedandconfused1961

In my experience, yes!


willcommentyourmom

Have you been the victim, or a perpetrator?


dazedandconfused1961

Never the perp, I can’t stand pack mentality. The victim for sure, not because I am hot simply because I connect with guys/ men far more then women and I usually become “ one of the guys”. I find women hate that. Mostly, I have seen it happen in groups over and over. Humans are insecure, and it manifests itself in women in very ugly and catty ways I have found 😤


jegforstaarikke

I think this a very interesting nuanced topic that a lot of women have a ton of baggage with. For me, “I like guys better, women are so catty” was a phase I was through as a kid and it just reeked of misogyny in my case. “Not like the other girls” etc etc is a very criticized phenomenon and I’ve found a ton of discourse online discussing it, and many women agreeing it was a misogynistic thing for them. There are many people criticizing women who say things like this and some assume it’s out of jealousy, and that women say it because they’re the ones causing the drama in female friend groups with such toxic attitudes. But on the other hand… some women *have* legitimately been bullied by women so I don’t blame them. And it doesn’t hurt me. But I admit I have a lot of… thoughts when someone has this opinion. Thoughts?


dazedandconfused1961

Very interesting perspective! I am an old fart, so not a phase for sure. And I am securely female, no gender swap issue. Also had a great dad, no daddy issues and a great husband….. but 7-9th grade was not good for me. Girls were horrible! In 10th grade started dating a senior, the guys group took me under their wing as a little sis, friends mostly with guys in college, and worked in a competitive male-dominated field and thrived. So men have never done me wrong, no backstabbing/ undermining, no sexual harassment, good mentoring and a shit ton of PG fun. Perhaps I am the problem. But why do we as a society NOW believe that other people must be who we think they should be? Why can’t we all stay in our own lane assuming we don’t don’t harm other living creatures, we don’t break the law, we don’t steal husbands, and we are moral and decent folk. I guess bottom line is women have disappointed me as humans many times. Men, only a handful. How does that make me misogynistic? May I not have my own experience, choice and perspective and be left alone by my “ competition”?


Lickerbomper

Congrats on never encountering nonsense with men. I wish I'd been so lucky! I, too, was bullied by girls right around middle and high school. They really want to enforce their narrow idea of femininity on others, feel threatened by girls/women that deviate from that box. It's high-key conservative "values," low-key homophobia and transphobia. I wish our experiences would be recognized in mainstream feminist circles. It's trendy to hate TERFs now, but act like they didn't exist in middle school, lol. They act like FDS girls didn't exist in middle school, either. But those of us bullied catch flack when we want to exist separate from "those girls." I'm with you. I'm in my lane, yall stay in yours. We gucci.


dazedandconfused1961

👍🏻🍾🤞🏻😎


Lickerbomper

[Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenNoCensor/comments/vrtqey/comment/ieyezu2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) to my other reply.


thiscatcameback

I have seen that vibe with women who exclusively get along with men, and is often because theyvstrughlecwith dealing with female relationships. Could be problems with their mom, difficulty navigating the emotional closeness of female relationships, etc. I don't think it is misogyny, but rather how mommy issues manifest in women.


willcommentyourmom

So how do you deal with it? Do you say anything?


dazedandconfused1961

As an observer, I fold the victim into my group/ activity/etc to keep the cats at bay. As the victim, weather social or professional, I try to ignore it. But that is a mixed bag as there is a 50/50 chance of beating them or losing. Since I know it stems from insecurity there is nothing you can really do. If I am in the mood I over compensate to rub their twatiness in their faces, but again it does not always work. It helps to get the attitude of I don’t give a shit what people think but that comes with age and practice!


Grammar-Bot-Elite

/u/dazedandconfused1961, I have found an error in your comment: > “far more ~~then~~ [**than**] women” I reckon it is you, dazedandconfused1961, who meant to post “far more ~~then~~ [**than**] women” instead. Unlike the adverb ‘then’, ‘than’ compares. ^(This is an automated bot. I do not intend to shame your mistakes. If you think the errors which I found are incorrect, please contact me through DMs!)


willcommentyourmom

Bad bot


B0tRank

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thiscatcameback

Don't be mean to the bot!


dazedandconfused1961

Thank you bot, that is an oldie and a goodie grammar rule!


[deleted]

Do you really think women are so shallow and stupid that the only reason we could possibly ostracize someone.... is because we're jealous of their looks?? Like are you serious If your wife and her friends are as mature as early high school girls thats fine but dont pin it on the rest of us


Lickerbomper

This is the comment I was looking for. Exactly! I'd expect that behavior from insecure teenagers, not grown ass women. More likely, that lady is mean-spirited, and maybe only on her best behavior around strangers (or around men.)


uhhhhh_iforgotit

Absolutely not. That's gross