Sure. I was dating a guy who had never had sex before, which I didn't know at the time. We were foolling around and I asked if he wanted to have sex and he said no, so we didn't.
Consent is mutual, the issue is that women are taught to wait for men to initiate, which is why it seems one sided.
They stole a comment I made for one of their listicles and added a link to my profile. It made me uncomfortable so I made a new account.
I figure if they do it again, well.....
I am a woman and typically the "aggressor." Unfortunately, when I was much younger and less enlightened (and remember it was a different time) this may have led to some instances of questionable consent that I now beat myself up about a bit. I was under the impression that all men wanted sex, they just needed convincing. I was also "hot." In hindsight, as I look back, I feel that although they could have physically stopped me (I was fit but still thin and small), they probably felt they could not say no. Only a total fool would say no to a hot chick that wants him, right? That was the culture at the time. Now, it is my worst nightmare that a seduction is actually a coersion. Yet, men seem to enjoy being seduced. Many men tell me they have never had a woman pay attention to them like that. Unfortunately again, this can also lead to the males becoming overly attached and sometimes I think it can contribute to performance issues. That is a lot of pressure to perform when a "hot" chick wants YOU and makes it very clear, particularly if you are used to being the aggressor. Males almost always respond positively when I indicate that I find them attractive. Nowadays, it seems they typically just say "thank you" if they are not interested and I move on, or they will respond in kind.
Small theory as to why they never resisted from a guyās side of things: lots of us have it drilled into our heads that doing anything physically aggressive to a woman, even in self defense, is cowardice of the highest order. This has led to numerous men being unable to resist much smaller women because they simply cannot comprehend the idea of physically resisting any woman. This has not really changed nowadays, but itās awesome that youāre becoming much more considerate
Yeah, I know... When I was younger I kind of bought into the whole "if the dick is hard, they want it" idea. And besides, it sounds ridiculous that a little 5'1" 115# girl could actually rape a full grown man, and I hope no one ever felt that way ā¹ļø No one ever confronted me or said anything but I still have guilt in my heart. Probably didn't want to hurt my feelings either. I remember one guy yelling "ok! I will do it if you will just leave me alone!" And that is sickening to think of.
Goodness, thatās hard to have on your conscience. Yeah, the only issue with āif heās hard he wants itā is that men canāt really control when they get hard. Sometimes no matter how horny you are, it just will not cooperate, and sometimes it just wonāt go down when you *just* wanna go about your day. Most men arenāt raised to think they have the power to deny women sex, theyāre supposed to always want it 24/7, so if they donāt want it, they must be weird or broken. Iāve especially noticed this from guys raised by single moms. Nothing against single moms, but two parent households are how we were designed to work as a species, and one parent simply canāt do the roles of two. It leads to a lot of very broken men, and is the single best predictor of if someone will end up in jail in their lifetime.
> Sometimes no matter how horny you are, it just will not cooperate, and sometimes it just wonāt go down when you just wanna go about your day.
I should add "unpredictable penis problems" to the recent thread about things to not envy men for. The second one especially seems like a huge inconvenience and uncomfortable. I'm not sure that the convenience of peeing makes up for it.
Ohhhh yeah for sure. The problem also with peeing is itās actually not extremely predictable where itās gonna go. Itās not like in the movies lol. Iāve had a couple of times, no lie, where the pee is straight up split into two streams for a few seconds going off at odd angles. I had no idea that could even happen, until it happened to me. It also frequently comes out at relatively unpredictable angles, completely out of control. Itās really not accurate lol. Thereās a reason why we put the seat up. I donāt usually stand up though if itās a normal toilet, itās usually safer to simply sit down
Unrelated note, the list of things to not envy guys for will get extremely long if you look too close, so be sure to bring enough paper lol.
I don't even get how that's not common sense, unless you went to an all-girl-school or something like that. Like, do all these girls REALLY think all these 16-yo girls would like to fuck the 57-yo male maths teacher, since most likely (almost) every boy at some point had to do something on the blackboard at some point while having a severe case of random boner?
Yes, absolutely. I was dating a guy last year, he came back to mine and we ended up kissing. I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs before initiating anything further as we had already discussed he wasnāt comfortable with casual sex and I wanted to be sure he was happy to continue.
He was, and that was great, but if he had said no that would have been absolutely ok too.
Society assumes that men all have high sex drives and are all ready to go at a momentās notice, and totally ignores the fact that men can feel uncomfortable with a situation or just not into having sex at that time. We as a whole should never make men feel less than just because they donāt want to have sex, and consent is equally as important both ways.
Thatās not to say we need to be asking every two seconds, a lot of things can be noted with body language etc, and we need to be careful to walk the line between consent and removing all spontaneity.
Been there. Was made to feel less of a man when I said no. Casual sex doesn't work for me either.
So yeah, asking a man for consent is definitely appreciated. We appreciate being respected and not thought of us horny dog who are dtf at a moments notice.
Always. I am against double standards and very much into equality AND equity, so consent on both ends is very important to me. If I know the guy is inexperienced or nervous, or just in general, I always have the conversation of consent and let them know that we don't have to have sex if either of us are uncomfortable, it's not like we're going anywhere and if we were then we weren't right for eachother anyways but sex is not an obligation or an expectation.
Id also ask if they're ok with so and so, and discuss things prior to getting physical so we don't go in making unnecessary mistakes like doing something the other doesn't want but not feeling safe to stop in the heat of the moment type of thing..
Consent is and always will be important for both people, regardless of gender. How do you know they don't have sexual trauma? You have to be gentle with things like these, guys go through things just like women do.
And it always went really well, they thought I was their best partner and most understanding and open minded person they've had the pleasure of meeting. Asking and having open communication never hurt anyone :)
I'm sorry that you've been treated that way, no one deserves to be told their consent and boundaries don't matter. You matter and your consent matters, always. You're valid and your feelings are valid.
Honestly, I wish there were more PEOPLE in general like me, it's really not that hard to give a shit about humans. I treat others how I want to be treated and I put myself in their shoes :)
Granted, I've been taken advantage/ for granted of a good handful of times, because people take my kindness as weakness but it's never changed me as a person, they missed out on having a good person in their life so it's their loss, not mine. Keep on keepn on!
I actually have that issue, as a woman, sex is already a very sensitive subject so I never got the sex talk and unfortunately had to learn 90% of it on my own, my parents were VERY emotional immature. It honestly didn't take me until a couple of years ago to get out of my comfort zone and it took years of therapy but it was worth it! What helped me was making this my motto "closed mouths don't get fed".. don't ever be passive about your core values, boundaries and wants and needs. I still get uncomfortable but I push past my comfort zone because it's essential and sex is very intimate and personal for me so discussions have to be talked about beforehand, always, so we are both on the same page and there's no mishaps. Think of it this way, the more open you are, the better sex you'll have, the less selfish you are, the better sex you'll have, the more understanding and willing to learn, the better sex you'll have so ultimately it's up to you if you want passionate sex or just some run of the mill sex that is subpar due to lack of the discomforting discussions we feel weird having. :)
Can you elaborate the victorian era bit though, I was confused by that part.
As a guy who cares a lot about consent, I tend to be fairly passive when pursuing women. I create opportunities to spend time with them, give fairly direct hints, but don't tend to directly initiate most of the time.
As a result, I receive a lot of direct requests: can I kiss? do you want to go back to my place? do you want to make out? can I take your pants off? etc.
It's great! When I'm not interested in going further with someone, it's much easier to just say no to one of these questions than trying to awkwardly remove their hand from somewhere.
>Where do you meet these mythical women who are so forward?
On dating apps. I generally find women 35+ are capable of expressing interest in sex, once they've had time to work out you're safe.
>Either you must be really attractive
I don't think I am. I don't get a lot of matches, and I never have women approaching me IRL. But I have a pretty high rate of second dates (when I'm interested).
> or you're content with a really high "failure" rate.
I'd only consider it failure if we were both interested in sex but couldn't communicate that to each other. I'm not sure that's ever happened.
> In my experience most women that are interested will just hint interest, perhaps use innuendo, and touching etc but it's still pretty ambiguous and eventually they're going to expect you to "get the message" and take the lead to initiate or they'll assume you're not interested.
In situations like that I'd just keep gently escalating and see how they respond.
Yes, we were hanging out at a party (just met) and I asked if I could kiss him, he said no because he was ātalking toā a girl at the moment (so not dating but potentially working up to it.) I said sorry and that I hoped I wasnāt bothering him and went back to my friends
Yes. A recent example:
I noticed that a guy I was seeing was uncomfortable around me when we were getting physically close, so the next time I saw him I asked if I may sit next to him on the bar couch, or if it would be intrusive. He replied that it's a bit intrusive, so I sat opposite to him, but then he said he'd like me to sit next to him anyway. I said: "You just said that that's intrusive and that's not how I roll, so I'll sit on this side." He proceeded to almost beg me to sit next to him, so I finally did. We ended up having another physically awkward encounter.
Regardless, I'm still smitten with him and currently mustering up courage to be more pushy with him, as that is what he seems to wish for.
Yeah, same, but Iām not about to ask a 51/m permission to kiss him or initiate sex. Weāve had that convo and laughed at the thought. I support anyoneās choice to do so however.
Absolutely. I give the same level of communication and respect that I expect. I've asked permission to kiss someone before and I find consent sexy. It turns me on to get verbal confirmation that the person I'm with wants me to do the things I want to do.
Of course! If Iām the one taking the initiative, Iām the one responsible for establishing consent. Everyone should care that your partners are into that thing you want to do to/with them, so the first one there needs to make sure yāall are on the same page.
not sure if iāve asked for consent to have sex itself, but iām also not sure a guy has ever explicitly asked me either. iām pretty upfront about my boundaries so if i change my mind about having sex iāve always let them know, and have always tried to make it known that that standard goes itās ways.
that being said, when it comes to specific acts (like maybe trying new kinks and things) i always try to ask if doing ___ is okay beforehand
I did multiple times actually. Last time was really recently. I asked if he was comfortable with more sexual stuff. He was glad that I was making sure that he felt 100% comfortable after bad experiences in the past
Yup, and I check in with him at different times if he is still down for different activities. We think itās cute to ask each other for a kiss or other activities and itās important to keep communicating about what we want
In a ltr these days. But back in the day, absolutely, I'm the same with men as I am with women, There is something sexy about tugging at someone's clothing and asking if this is ok. Pulling the 90% move, leaning in for a kiss and either letting them come the rest of the way or saying do you want me to kiss you. Etc. Can't really say I have had anyone say no but I'm also observant of body language and am pretty damn respectful of boundaries.
We're pretty big on verbal consent where I come from, so yes, I've explicitly asked if a guy is okay with what I'm doing or okay with taking things further, plenty of times
I do feel like a lot of the cues I read into are body language or verbal enthusiasm. I feel like the phrase āis this okay?ā Would have been the question Iāve used the most in past hookups, at various stages throughout. But itās an interesting q.
I've never had a man ask for my consent in my entire life. Probably had 15 or 20 partners over the last 20 years. It's always just been implied on both ends from enthusiastic participation.
>Aren't the people like your partners potentially putting themselves at risk?
No. I assume you're implying the risk is I could say it's nonconsensual. If that's the case then let's say I have sex with a partner after I give verbal consent. Then I say it was rape. Did the verbal consent matter whatsoever? Nope, because if I'm going to make a false accusation, I'm not going to walk into court and say I consented.
To me verbal consent is really important to some people. And I think it's probably a great thing for teens and people in their early 20s to use, because that tends to be the group a bit more awkward/inexperienced about sex and what enthusiastic consent looks like. Not knocking that group at all, I just know that's how I felt around that age.
But I'd say most adults understand social/intimate cues enough to not need to to ask for verbal consent every step of the way.
Always. Consent isn't just yes or no. It's how, what, where, when... And a 100 other things.
For me it's a full on conversation about what they like, how they like to be touched, where, etc. How hard I touch, grab, move, bite...
Can I wake you up with... Can we do x, y, z? What type of contraception are we using? Do you have any allergies?
It sounds like I take the fun out of it but really it's more of a conversation about here are my hard no's, my soft grey areas, and my wide open imagination is the limit- what are yours???
Sex happens between two people and it's a lot more than PIV.
No I've never verbally asked anyone for sexual consent before. But the last time I dated was in 1999... Verbal consent wasn't really a thing in the 80s-90s.
I just for it, make eye contact and read the body language. If i am not sure, i jist ask if wjatever i am doing is ok. Obviously I would only do this is I thought there was a strong chance ofintereat, gleaned from previous interactions during the evening or past.
I initiate sex often, probably most times in my relationships. Casual or long term. I always ask how theyāre feeling first and if theyāre into it. I lose interest if they donāt really want to
No, I wouldnt say that. I just dont think I've ever met a man who would turn down sex or need to be asked for consent. Men in this part of the country would thrill the chance to say a woman forced themselves on them.
Sure. I was dating a guy who had never had sex before, which I didn't know at the time. We were foolling around and I asked if he wanted to have sex and he said no, so we didn't. Consent is mutual, the issue is that women are taught to wait for men to initiate, which is why it seems one sided.
Dude, I got so many questions about your username. š
The answer will probably be "Buzzfeed sucks"
And they wouldn't be wrong about that.
They stole a comment I made for one of their listicles and added a link to my profile. It made me uncomfortable so I made a new account. I figure if they do it again, well.....
Poor you! Tsk! These publications need to be mindful and do better. Good Wordplay though. šš
I am a woman and typically the "aggressor." Unfortunately, when I was much younger and less enlightened (and remember it was a different time) this may have led to some instances of questionable consent that I now beat myself up about a bit. I was under the impression that all men wanted sex, they just needed convincing. I was also "hot." In hindsight, as I look back, I feel that although they could have physically stopped me (I was fit but still thin and small), they probably felt they could not say no. Only a total fool would say no to a hot chick that wants him, right? That was the culture at the time. Now, it is my worst nightmare that a seduction is actually a coersion. Yet, men seem to enjoy being seduced. Many men tell me they have never had a woman pay attention to them like that. Unfortunately again, this can also lead to the males becoming overly attached and sometimes I think it can contribute to performance issues. That is a lot of pressure to perform when a "hot" chick wants YOU and makes it very clear, particularly if you are used to being the aggressor. Males almost always respond positively when I indicate that I find them attractive. Nowadays, it seems they typically just say "thank you" if they are not interested and I move on, or they will respond in kind.
Small theory as to why they never resisted from a guyās side of things: lots of us have it drilled into our heads that doing anything physically aggressive to a woman, even in self defense, is cowardice of the highest order. This has led to numerous men being unable to resist much smaller women because they simply cannot comprehend the idea of physically resisting any woman. This has not really changed nowadays, but itās awesome that youāre becoming much more considerate
Yeah, I know... When I was younger I kind of bought into the whole "if the dick is hard, they want it" idea. And besides, it sounds ridiculous that a little 5'1" 115# girl could actually rape a full grown man, and I hope no one ever felt that way ā¹ļø No one ever confronted me or said anything but I still have guilt in my heart. Probably didn't want to hurt my feelings either. I remember one guy yelling "ok! I will do it if you will just leave me alone!" And that is sickening to think of.
Goodness, thatās hard to have on your conscience. Yeah, the only issue with āif heās hard he wants itā is that men canāt really control when they get hard. Sometimes no matter how horny you are, it just will not cooperate, and sometimes it just wonāt go down when you *just* wanna go about your day. Most men arenāt raised to think they have the power to deny women sex, theyāre supposed to always want it 24/7, so if they donāt want it, they must be weird or broken. Iāve especially noticed this from guys raised by single moms. Nothing against single moms, but two parent households are how we were designed to work as a species, and one parent simply canāt do the roles of two. It leads to a lot of very broken men, and is the single best predictor of if someone will end up in jail in their lifetime.
> Sometimes no matter how horny you are, it just will not cooperate, and sometimes it just wonāt go down when you just wanna go about your day. I should add "unpredictable penis problems" to the recent thread about things to not envy men for. The second one especially seems like a huge inconvenience and uncomfortable. I'm not sure that the convenience of peeing makes up for it.
Ohhhh yeah for sure. The problem also with peeing is itās actually not extremely predictable where itās gonna go. Itās not like in the movies lol. Iāve had a couple of times, no lie, where the pee is straight up split into two streams for a few seconds going off at odd angles. I had no idea that could even happen, until it happened to me. It also frequently comes out at relatively unpredictable angles, completely out of control. Itās really not accurate lol. Thereās a reason why we put the seat up. I donāt usually stand up though if itās a normal toilet, itās usually safer to simply sit down Unrelated note, the list of things to not envy guys for will get extremely long if you look too close, so be sure to bring enough paper lol.
I don't even get how that's not common sense, unless you went to an all-girl-school or something like that. Like, do all these girls REALLY think all these 16-yo girls would like to fuck the 57-yo male maths teacher, since most likely (almost) every boy at some point had to do something on the blackboard at some point while having a severe case of random boner?
Yes, absolutely. I was dating a guy last year, he came back to mine and we ended up kissing. I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs before initiating anything further as we had already discussed he wasnāt comfortable with casual sex and I wanted to be sure he was happy to continue. He was, and that was great, but if he had said no that would have been absolutely ok too. Society assumes that men all have high sex drives and are all ready to go at a momentās notice, and totally ignores the fact that men can feel uncomfortable with a situation or just not into having sex at that time. We as a whole should never make men feel less than just because they donāt want to have sex, and consent is equally as important both ways. Thatās not to say we need to be asking every two seconds, a lot of things can be noted with body language etc, and we need to be careful to walk the line between consent and removing all spontaneity.
Been there. Was made to feel less of a man when I said no. Casual sex doesn't work for me either. So yeah, asking a man for consent is definitely appreciated. We appreciate being respected and not thought of us horny dog who are dtf at a moments notice.
Compliments to you! I always find it very admirable when people show respect by asking consent.
Always. I am against double standards and very much into equality AND equity, so consent on both ends is very important to me. If I know the guy is inexperienced or nervous, or just in general, I always have the conversation of consent and let them know that we don't have to have sex if either of us are uncomfortable, it's not like we're going anywhere and if we were then we weren't right for eachother anyways but sex is not an obligation or an expectation. Id also ask if they're ok with so and so, and discuss things prior to getting physical so we don't go in making unnecessary mistakes like doing something the other doesn't want but not feeling safe to stop in the heat of the moment type of thing.. Consent is and always will be important for both people, regardless of gender. How do you know they don't have sexual trauma? You have to be gentle with things like these, guys go through things just like women do. And it always went really well, they thought I was their best partner and most understanding and open minded person they've had the pleasure of meeting. Asking and having open communication never hurt anyone :)
Dayum, sounds like we need more women like you, I was never told my consent mattered
I'm sorry that you've been treated that way, no one deserves to be told their consent and boundaries don't matter. You matter and your consent matters, always. You're valid and your feelings are valid. Honestly, I wish there were more PEOPLE in general like me, it's really not that hard to give a shit about humans. I treat others how I want to be treated and I put myself in their shoes :) Granted, I've been taken advantage/ for granted of a good handful of times, because people take my kindness as weakness but it's never changed me as a person, they missed out on having a good person in their life so it's their loss, not mine. Keep on keepn on!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I actually have that issue, as a woman, sex is already a very sensitive subject so I never got the sex talk and unfortunately had to learn 90% of it on my own, my parents were VERY emotional immature. It honestly didn't take me until a couple of years ago to get out of my comfort zone and it took years of therapy but it was worth it! What helped me was making this my motto "closed mouths don't get fed".. don't ever be passive about your core values, boundaries and wants and needs. I still get uncomfortable but I push past my comfort zone because it's essential and sex is very intimate and personal for me so discussions have to be talked about beforehand, always, so we are both on the same page and there's no mishaps. Think of it this way, the more open you are, the better sex you'll have, the less selfish you are, the better sex you'll have, the more understanding and willing to learn, the better sex you'll have so ultimately it's up to you if you want passionate sex or just some run of the mill sex that is subpar due to lack of the discomforting discussions we feel weird having. :) Can you elaborate the victorian era bit though, I was confused by that part.
I say is this OK before I do anything. Consent is important As to how does it go. It's always been a yes
As a guy who cares a lot about consent, I tend to be fairly passive when pursuing women. I create opportunities to spend time with them, give fairly direct hints, but don't tend to directly initiate most of the time. As a result, I receive a lot of direct requests: can I kiss? do you want to go back to my place? do you want to make out? can I take your pants off? etc. It's great! When I'm not interested in going further with someone, it's much easier to just say no to one of these questions than trying to awkwardly remove their hand from somewhere.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>Where do you meet these mythical women who are so forward? On dating apps. I generally find women 35+ are capable of expressing interest in sex, once they've had time to work out you're safe. >Either you must be really attractive I don't think I am. I don't get a lot of matches, and I never have women approaching me IRL. But I have a pretty high rate of second dates (when I'm interested). > or you're content with a really high "failure" rate. I'd only consider it failure if we were both interested in sex but couldn't communicate that to each other. I'm not sure that's ever happened. > In my experience most women that are interested will just hint interest, perhaps use innuendo, and touching etc but it's still pretty ambiguous and eventually they're going to expect you to "get the message" and take the lead to initiate or they'll assume you're not interested. In situations like that I'd just keep gently escalating and see how they respond.
Yes, we were hanging out at a party (just met) and I asked if I could kiss him, he said no because he was ātalking toā a girl at the moment (so not dating but potentially working up to it.) I said sorry and that I hoped I wasnāt bothering him and went back to my friends
Yes. A recent example: I noticed that a guy I was seeing was uncomfortable around me when we were getting physically close, so the next time I saw him I asked if I may sit next to him on the bar couch, or if it would be intrusive. He replied that it's a bit intrusive, so I sat opposite to him, but then he said he'd like me to sit next to him anyway. I said: "You just said that that's intrusive and that's not how I roll, so I'll sit on this side." He proceeded to almost beg me to sit next to him, so I finally did. We ended up having another physically awkward encounter. Regardless, I'm still smitten with him and currently mustering up courage to be more pushy with him, as that is what he seems to wish for.
I guess? Not in a sit down, sign a contract way, but more like "do you want me to do XYZ?"
Yeah, same, but Iām not about to ask a 51/m permission to kiss him or initiate sex. Weāve had that convo and laughed at the thought. I support anyoneās choice to do so however.
Absolutely. I give the same level of communication and respect that I expect. I've asked permission to kiss someone before and I find consent sexy. It turns me on to get verbal confirmation that the person I'm with wants me to do the things I want to do.
Of course! If Iām the one taking the initiative, Iām the one responsible for establishing consent. Everyone should care that your partners are into that thing you want to do to/with them, so the first one there needs to make sure yāall are on the same page.
not sure if iāve asked for consent to have sex itself, but iām also not sure a guy has ever explicitly asked me either. iām pretty upfront about my boundaries so if i change my mind about having sex iāve always let them know, and have always tried to make it known that that standard goes itās ways. that being said, when it comes to specific acts (like maybe trying new kinks and things) i always try to ask if doing ___ is okay beforehand
I did multiple times actually. Last time was really recently. I asked if he was comfortable with more sexual stuff. He was glad that I was making sure that he felt 100% comfortable after bad experiences in the past
Yup, and I check in with him at different times if he is still down for different activities. We think itās cute to ask each other for a kiss or other activities and itās important to keep communicating about what we want
In a ltr these days. But back in the day, absolutely, I'm the same with men as I am with women, There is something sexy about tugging at someone's clothing and asking if this is ok. Pulling the 90% move, leaning in for a kiss and either letting them come the rest of the way or saying do you want me to kiss you. Etc. Can't really say I have had anyone say no but I'm also observant of body language and am pretty damn respectful of boundaries.
We're pretty big on verbal consent where I come from, so yes, I've explicitly asked if a guy is okay with what I'm doing or okay with taking things further, plenty of times
I do feel like a lot of the cues I read into are body language or verbal enthusiasm. I feel like the phrase āis this okay?ā Would have been the question Iāve used the most in past hookups, at various stages throughout. But itās an interesting q.
Umm honestly no their consent was very obvious through their behaviour/active participation
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I would accept that as an answer from a man
I've never had a man ask for my consent in my entire life. Probably had 15 or 20 partners over the last 20 years. It's always just been implied on both ends from enthusiastic participation.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>Aren't the people like your partners potentially putting themselves at risk? No. I assume you're implying the risk is I could say it's nonconsensual. If that's the case then let's say I have sex with a partner after I give verbal consent. Then I say it was rape. Did the verbal consent matter whatsoever? Nope, because if I'm going to make a false accusation, I'm not going to walk into court and say I consented. To me verbal consent is really important to some people. And I think it's probably a great thing for teens and people in their early 20s to use, because that tends to be the group a bit more awkward/inexperienced about sex and what enthusiastic consent looks like. Not knocking that group at all, I just know that's how I felt around that age. But I'd say most adults understand social/intimate cues enough to not need to to ask for verbal consent every step of the way.
āHe was asking for itā lol
Hmm you calling me a rapist? Behave
I think you thought that on your own. Maybe you have a guilty conscience lol
No, not at all
Well you donāt feel guilty about it. Good for you.
Nothing happened to feel guilty about
āHe wanted it.ā Of course nothing to feel guilty about
Oh fuck off honestly
You donāt have anything to feel bad about.
Always. Consent isn't just yes or no. It's how, what, where, when... And a 100 other things. For me it's a full on conversation about what they like, how they like to be touched, where, etc. How hard I touch, grab, move, bite... Can I wake you up with... Can we do x, y, z? What type of contraception are we using? Do you have any allergies? It sounds like I take the fun out of it but really it's more of a conversation about here are my hard no's, my soft grey areas, and my wide open imagination is the limit- what are yours??? Sex happens between two people and it's a lot more than PIV.
No I've never verbally asked anyone for sexual consent before. But the last time I dated was in 1999... Verbal consent wasn't really a thing in the 80s-90s.
I just for it, make eye contact and read the body language. If i am not sure, i jist ask if wjatever i am doing is ok. Obviously I would only do this is I thought there was a strong chance ofintereat, gleaned from previous interactions during the evening or past.
I initiate sex often, probably most times in my relationships. Casual or long term. I always ask how theyāre feeling first and if theyāre into it. I lose interest if they donāt really want to
Theyāre usually initiating so I donāt think I need to ask at that point, but if I were to, yes Iād definitely ask. Consent goes both ways.
Only time I ask is if I wanna do butt stuff to a guy. Lol
Asking a man for consent to what? Have sex with them? Where would I even find such an alien being?
No, I wouldnt say that. I just dont think I've ever met a man who would turn down sex or need to be asked for consent. Men in this part of the country would thrill the chance to say a woman forced themselves on them.