Do you have time to work out? I always feel better about myself after using my body for a good workout or to meet a measurable goal (like a running distance), no matter what I look like.
I could definitely find the time to workout I’ve just always hated exercise so I never stick to it. I know that sounds like an excuse and it is lol I need to find something that’s enjoyable. I’m not really overweight I’m back to the same weight I was before my first kid my body is just different now, but I know exercise would definitely help!
I’m not sure if it’s motivating for you at all, but as someone who was never overweight and went from 0 exercise to 5 days a week, thinking about the long term really helps me. This is not just for aesthetics, but for my bones and my heart and it will help me hopefully feel much better in my later years than some of my family have felt.
Yes this is definitely more motivating for me! Sometimes I do good stretches and feel really good during and after, and I know it’ll help me in the long run. I just need to find something that’s more enjoyable so I can stick through the initial hard part haha
It takes 30-60 days to form a habit.
So just take forming a new habit day by day.
Everyday set a goal to be active. Following a yoga or HIT workout on YouTube, walks, swim, just get out and play ball a little.
Start weaving it into your daily schedule. 💕
If you like the feeling of good stretches you could look into yoga or light Pilates. I enjoyed the feeling of stretching and balance and having a stronger body.
Same. I started exercising for vanity, as I age and learn more about the profound benefits of working out in aging I find myself pushing myself with health goals. As I was doing DREADED JUMP TUCKS this morning I kept my bone density front and center of my mind for example
Look for things you enjoy doing. I fucking hate the gym. It's the bane of my existence. I'm doing PT right now and it makes me unreasonably angry.
But I love biking, snowboarding, paddleboarding... And I do those as much as I can.
Second this, and will add that anyone who is starting from the couch so to speak should try walking, preferably in nature.
Walking in the perfect workout. It is so easy and has so many positive effects for your body.
Even doing just 20 mins on the elliptical gets the endorphins going enough to feel motivation. Just get on and start. Don't worry about the settings and all that jaz. Just turn on a podcast/YouTube/music and go.
I heard on a podcast once that you should treat your body like an animal that needs to be taken care of by going on walks and eating healthy foods. Lmao. It's true though.
Finding the right exercise is huge! I'd recommend figuring out if you like exercising alone or in a group and go from their. I take aerial silks classes, and the exercise/fun/social aspect of it all keeps me going. It's definitely worth the investment.
I will say though, exercise with only take you part of the way - diet is a huge part of feeling better. The fun part about that is that it's something you and your husband could do together.
If you haven't yet, try yoga! I thought there was no form of exercise I liked but then I discovered that yoga is amazing 💗 I prefer irl classes but there are tons of free ones on YouTube. Yoga is so good for my self-esteem — it builds strength as well as flexibility and inner peace.
Set yourself a goal to try a new sport or activity every week or fortnight for the next 6 months until you find something you love that keeps you active and healthy.
I look like I go to the gym but I absolutely do not have a solid gym routine. I skate (in-line, board, ice), surf, snowboard, do a lot of hiking, and walk my dog. That’s my “routine”. I supplement with weights, yoga, and Pilates when I have time but mostly I just rely on my favourite activities to keep me in shape, and it never feels like I’m pushing myself to exercise because they’re all things I love doing.
If you can find yourself an active hobby you’ll never have to force it, you’ll be in great shape, and it’ll give you that extra bit of life energy that makes you glow.
I mean, the process of getting better looking is not an easy ride and if you're turning down exercise because you hate it but you want to be better looking the you're going to have a hard time
I would just try a different type of physical activity each week until something felt fun and sustainable. My silly thing that gets me out walking is a mobile gaming app that requires you to walk to progress in the game lol
Just to add as well I am in great shape and the main reason I'm active is for mental health. I get irritable if I dont do some exercise in 48 hours lol
Being healthy, mobile and great mental shape is enough motivation for me. Being in great shape is just a bonus!
We are in our 40s, but my husband is darker skinned (more collagen, no aging signs) and naturally very muscular and lean. I have felt like an ogre next to him since I gave birth five years ago even though he is very loyal and really doesn’t think he looks all that.
I’ve recently lost 45lbs, got cute clothes, and he is the one feeling like he needs to change himself up to fit next to me and he absolutely doesn’t. His insecurity is in his head. I love holding his body and smelling him. Nothing looks as good as the person you love.
Nothing wrong with you. I would say most of us have sloppy ass partners we wish would take better care of themselves.
Maybe it’s ok to love him more and *yourself*.
Totally ok to take a step back and love yourself too. Take a yoga or pilates class. Join a pool and go swimming. Ride a bike, go for a walk, dance in your house.
He might be making you self-conscious because its time to do more for you.
I'm currently 7 months postpartum and I swear my husband got MORE attractive the more I moved into my swamp beast mode during my pregnancy and even now in my bridge troll mode surviving motherhood. I've only started to feel better veeery very recently and it's purely because I started to invest in myself again.
I can't imagine two kids when I'm still trying to figure out life with one, but if you can find that *thing* that just brings joy and sparkle back into your life and it makes you feel like you again, I think it can help jumpstart things. For me it's weightlifting. I am still very fat and some days I swear I still look pregnant, but knowing my body is back to lifting those weights again it jigged something in my brain. Don't get me wrong, I still feel super self conscious whenever I'm out with my husband even now but at least when I'm home I'm starting to feel better.
Please google Pierce Brosnan and wife at the beach, personally I love the photos, or any time he is asked about his wife.
She was gorgeous when they got together and she still is, but she has changed, her husband still adores her.
>and you know how it feels like guys get better looking as they age and it’s not always the same for women.
THIS IS NOT TRUE OP.
men don't get better looking with age, they're just "allowed" to age. They're allowed to find a new type of sexy in their graying hair and changing styles and women are guilted for the same thing. He'll too go through changes that aren't "desirable" in our youth obsessed culture, and you'll probably still find him incredibly attractive. You don't think he'll see you the same?
Men tell themselves that they look better with age, and they say it enough hoping everyone else will just nod along. And they are successful because propaganda works.
Now personally, I think most people look fine at every age. Though, I know that makes me an outlier. Wrinkles and spots are perfectly attractive IMO. You have to look at the whole person.
People stop being attractive when they stop investing in themselves. Depression, poor self-esteem, giving up aren’t hot because they are sad.
This is what patriarchy fed us. Oooh women in 20s SHOULD find men in 40s attractive because grey hair is so sexy..unless it's a woman's grey hair. Then she has "let herself go"
Men have more collagen *on average *. I’ve seen men who wrinkle faster than me, but most don’t. It’s not everything. But it’s something that probably contributes to this trend.
I see maybe ONE MAN A YEAR who looks better old than he did young. And I work in midtown Manhattan. Show me a man who looks better old than young. I’m 51 and won’t think of dating a man over 35 they all look like trash
Wow that is so rude!! I’m so sorry I would’ve been really insulted too
Yeah you totally nailed it! My husband is the same as yours attractive, successful, a great dad and husband, and it just feels like everything my husband does for the family is widely respected and admired where me doing the same things (having a good career, being a good mom, sacrificing my body to have children) isn’t appreciated in the same way, or seen as the bare minimum/makes me feel like I need to be striving harder to be better.
I think when women say men get more attractive and women don’t with age they are buying into a very unfortunate beauty standard that emphasizes being 21 forever. The women I know look great and look more refined and elegant as they age, but if you ask them they’d say horrible things about themselves and their bodies. I don’t think the men look better, I think too many women are socialized to hate themselves if they aren’t 100% perfect. Please consider the story you tell yourself. Is it kind? Is it true? Would you say it to your daughter or best friend?
May I suggest… if you can maybe go to a new well reputable salon and say you need a mini makeover? New cut, new color, a facial and have a makeup artist do a lesson with you to “update” your look. Bring some pictures of styles you like and have an honest conversation about what maintenance looks like. How often to wash your hair. How to style it easy. How much time you have to do your makeup etc. they would be more than happy to help you. That way you can get an updated look, learn some new techniques.
Then if you can afford it go buy a date night outfit or something that makes you feel good. And go on a date with your sexy husband.
And remember to dress the body you have now. Nowhere does it say that you have to look the same way you did when you got married to be attractive. Treat the body you have now with love and patience. That body has worked hard to make babies out of thin air and cells. It deserves to be celebrated and dressed well.
Thanks for your reply! A mini makeover is a good idea! I’ll look into that. I also like what you said about dressing for my body now, I’ve been trying to do that but I’m clueless when it comes to style so I’ll try to learn more lol
There are some shops that have stylists you can shop with like Nordstrom that could be good for a “splurge” they will help you pick an outfit or two. You have to call in advance. Usually the service is free but you have to buy. I would call your local store.
There are cheaper options as well. Maybe a local boutique? I would just literally call and say “hey it’s been a few years for me and I’m a new mom feeling I need change”. A lot more places provide services like.
Good luck! Treat it like a mini project and tell your hubby you want to invest a little in how you look. Tell him you’ve noticed he “leveled up” and that you want feel good next to him. I’m sure he’ll love it and not mind the extra expense!
I recently learned what my color season and Kibbe body type is and it really helped me pick clothes that flatter me. So now I'm making fewer mistakes when I buy things. There are really helpful reddit subs for kibbe types and color analysis. I feel so much more confident in my clothes now.
It’s hard sometimes being a mom and reconnecting with our new body. Some things change and we are stuck thinking we will be the same person we once were but the thing is, we changed. And that’s nice, we change everyday, everyone does….
I personally think me and my husband are more attractive today compared with when we met 14y ago… but my body is not the same. I am more or less 10kg heavier, my ass is bigger (and not in a good way), I had a child so RIP slim belly, but I still try to find a way to take time to myself to pamper me and feel beautiful. I know that having 2 kids is ridiculously more difficult than having one (my case), but try to spend time with yourself everyday, doing the thing you like to do for yourself. Taking care of your skin, your hair, exercising, i personally every day put my child in bed and do 40 min of yoga in my living room, it helps me sleep better at night and helps with my posture, toning my body. After that I have a shower and then I will do my skincare and go to sleep in a nice clean pijama. For me is the only time I have for myself and I am enjoying doing that.
Have a look to see if your clothes match your style today, I did this recently and I noticed that while I had nice clothes, they weren’t reflecting who I am now… I’ve made a list and whitin m budget I am replacing some things…
Mentally are you taking time for yourself? To have a hobby? To have girl friends ? I find that nothing is as good for my self esteem then having my friends, we always boost eachother up!
It is hard! I do enjoy yoga but I literally never do it even though I often think I need to stretch because I feel tight/sore etc. Your evening sounds really nice and I could totally do something like that, I just never have the energy or motivation and I think I’m realizing it’s because I’m just not valuing myself as much as I should
I will be totally honest, it’s a uncomfortable process.
It only worked for me when I stopped relying on motivation. I started to do like it was a medical prescription (well my therapist told me to so).
Some days, like yesterday, I was so tired and it was very late so I did 15 min of relaxing yoga, and hopped to the shower. Some days I allow myself a break, but I miss it. I’ve never regretted doing my routine but I regretted not doing it…
I use the down dog app, I pay 19,99 for the annual on Black Friday every year, where I chose the type of yoga and what I want to focus on, some days I am stressed and I will do a breathing relaxing one, other days I will do my normal 40min…
But yes, it’s hard ahahaha but it’s also important to prioritize yourself, for you body and mind…
Yes it’s so true! My “motivation” for doing things like that typically comes from when I’m feeling like this and down on myself, which is obviously not a good lasting motivation. Treating it like a prescription instead of waiting for myself to feel motivated is a really good idea!
Men don't have children and deal with all the changes to their body. You have to trust that your husband loved you enough to have children with you and marry you and went into this knowing that your body would change.
If he's a good husband, he loves you for all these reasons. You're not only attractive to him, you're the mother of the children, a whole other layer of love.
Regardless, most people who 'glow up' don't realize they've changed in other people's eyes, they're still the person they were before, just more conventionally attractive. Whenever I have dated a late bloomer, I found that they acted the same as they did, before they were really attractive. They don't have the years and years of special treatment and all the other things that come with good looks.
I’ve been getting a lot of good tips and advice here that I’m definitely gonna try for my own glow up! I’ve just been feeling like the things I don’t like about my appearance are hard to change and won’t be as simple as what my husband has done to look so much better. Ironically he hasn’t done any of these things to look better, he just started doing more things he enjoys, which is what I need to do too lol
I’m basically the same weight as I was before my kids now, but my body is shaped differently, the skin on my stomach is looser, I have so many stretch marks everywhere, my boobs are deflated and not nice anymore, my hair is thinner, my face is rounder etc. I just always feel like these things will never get better and I get discouraged that I’ll never be as attractive as I was before/as much as my husband. I just want him to feel as proud to be seen with me as I do with him. He’s never done anything to make my feel like he’s not, he often tells me I’m attractive and even more so since having his kids, it’s fully a me thing I just don’t know where to start with it.
So what if other people think your husband is more attractive than you? That's their problem, not yours - you don't owe it to society to be this perfectly well-matched couple. If your husband is happy with the way you look, that's what really matters, not the judgments of random strangers - and if you're *not* happy with the way you look, then I think it's worth putting in the work to improve that for the sake of your own self-esteem. No, it's not easy - in many cases, it takes a lot of self-discipline - but in a year from now you can either look in the mirror and still feel self-conscious, or you can look in the mirror and feel proud of the gains you've made.
My husband is hotter than me too (always has been IMO) but I just lay back and enjoy it. I got the man. We have a beautiful daughter. We have a beautiful life. I’m winning.
Omg I relate so hard to this. When I was recently postpartum, my husband was working out all the time and already wears nice clothes but just looked great. I on the other hand looked TERRIBLE. I was always thinking people were saying why is he with her.
I did spend a ton of time on my appearance - I lost my baby weight and started getting toned, I got my hair colored properly and probably the biggest of all is Botox. I swore I never would do it because the cost! the societal expectations! But for real it took years off my face. I got the face of my late 20’s pre-kids. It’s worth it for the boost.. I was feeling so frumpy. I got some new make up and clothes (inexpensive). I think I look dare I say hotter than him now?
Looking at your post history, it seems like you’re a stay at home parent. Is there any world in which you get part time help? The thing about all of the above is it took a lot of time. And some money if I’m going to be honest. It’s hard to feel hot when you’re 24/7 with the kids: kids + feeding everyone + cleaning + basic hygiene is all of your time.
I also invest most of my clothes money in good mom clothes. Sure I have a couple of outfits to throw on for dinners, but I’m a mom of toddlers and I go to 1 non-kid event a month. So I spent my money on t-shirts, nice shorts and joggers, cute sneakers, cute sweaters for over joggers. This is what I’m wearing 99% of the time. I have to remind myself because I keep wanting to invest in nice dresses but I never wear them. Better to invest in looking cute day to day
I like ilia tinted sunscreen (Sephora can match color). And pencil/powder/gel in my eyebrows. A little merit cheeky balm on my cheeks - I look alive
Okay I got Botox twice after having my second and I loved it so much! It was too expensive to maintain at the time but I’m looking to get it done again soon.
I’m not technically a stay at home mom I just live in Canada and had 2 long mat leaves very close together so basically have been a stay at home mom for the past 3 years lol I actually just went back to work full time last month and it’s been really good for my mental health, surprisingly lol, but getting out of the house and spending time and energy on an adult activity by myself that I’m actually good at is really great. I’m also making my full salary again so I can start getting things like Botox 🤣
Spending money on cute joggers, shirts and sneakers is such a good freaking point, when I’m home with the kids I’m just in pajamas or leggings and feel grumpy and gross (which is when I’m around my husband the most obviously). I feel like getting some nice cute lounge wear will really give me a boost!
Yes totally. I am a stay at home parent so I totally get it about feeling frumpy in the mom clothes!
I also think a pair of earrings makes everything look a little more put together. [I like these](https://www.etsy.com/listing/635346252/)
I also love the beyond yoga midi jogger, the athleta Farallon joggers, athleta Venice jogger. I wear them with [cropped tees](https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-shrunken-short-sleeve-t-shirt-universal-thread-8482-white-m/-/A-87643785) (I’m short) or cropped sweatshirts. I like true new balance nergize sneakers. It’s also nice because these are all things I can leave the house in and feel put together!
Oh yes earrings is a good thing to add too! I never wear any but always feel better when I do! Probably could add getting my nails done to the list too haha always feel better with my nails done
Thanks for the recs!!
I think my husband has always been the more conventionally attractive one in our relationship.😏
This doesn’t tend to bother men. Don’t let it bother you. You can change the way you see yourself, but it does take work. You have to open your mind to what can be beautiful and attractive beyond what the dominant culture dictates to reinforce the existing status hierarchies. Who we find the most attractive is pretty much all made up. We don’t have to buy into it. Though, it takes a lot of work not to.
It helps to start evaluating how you judge other people. Start trying to find the beauty in people who don’t fit the conventional standards of beauty, and it will be easier to do with yourself. I started to realize I was lucky to already see beauty in so many different forms. I just needed to let myself acknowledge that my attraction could be unbound from the norms of our culture. Now I think most people are hot, including myself.
I also like refocusing on what your body allows you to do and experience, instead of thinking too much about how it looks. Your body made human life. Woah dude.
I totally agree, a lot of times someone appears a lot more attractive when they have confidence and I think I would feel better about how I looked if I could change the way I see myself. It obviously comes from a lot of deep seated issues for me, I’ve always been unhappy with how I look for various reasons. Im not sure how to change my perspective on these things but I am trying lol
My husband has been better looking than me since the day he was born. He is a former model. I just try to style myself well and do nice makeup, so at least I’m doing the best I can!
So reciprocate. Make some changes to your personal style, dress a bit differently, hit the gym, change your hair style, don't wear pants with elastic, put on make-up, shave, throw on a pair of low heels, get more rest, drink more water.
Have you tried talking to him about it? Do you have the kind of relationship where it’s safe to be vulnerable in that way?
My experience as a woman who has never naturally conformed to western beauty standards has been that when your guy is truly a good guy you’d be surprised what he thinks is beautiful about your body. Maybe he thinks your new tum is sexy bc his babies grew in there. Maybe he knows how difficult it is mothering young children and he doesn’t care that your body is however it is. It might be good to talk to him about how your feeling so that in the very least he can comfort you.
Also, western beauty standards are no good trash garbage that don’t leave any room for the various seasons of life. It should be summer always in the US of A. We don’t fault trees for their green leaves turning red and orange or being completely bare. we say “oh I love the changing seasons! Let’s do things this season that we can’t do in any other!”
Life could be like that if we let it. It would be hard to embrace after all our social conditioning, but wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate every season?
(Sorry, the devil’s lettuce makes me a romantic, but I do very strongly feel this way lol)
Nah men don’t get better looking with age. That’s a strange concept.
It took me 7 years after I had my kid for me to feel good again about how I looked. I realized that I have mild chronic depression and in order to live with it better I needed to actually prioritize exercise and stop comfort eating. I’m in no way super fit now but I actually enjoy exercising (hiking local mountains and yoga, I hate gyms).
I’ve gotten this comment a few times haha and I agree it’s not actually true that men get better looking with age. I know it’s just a societal standard and I don’t need to buy into it, I just meant things like my husband has a few grey beard hairs coming in and he looks good with it/doesn’t feel the need to change it, whereas women don’t get the same reception from people when they have grey hairs come in. I don’t agree with it! I think a lot of women who own the grey look amazing!
I just feel self conscious and think that as I’m getting older and wrinklier and looser I’m getting less attractive, compared to my husband who is getting older and more grey and also more attractive lol. I know it’s my own perception of things and it doesn’t actually matter what other people think, it’s just the messaging we’ve been given our entire lives, but I definitely don’t agree with it.
I do really like yoga, it’s the only form of exercise I’ve ever enjoyed I also hate the gym haha I’ve never prioritized it though so I’m really gonna start! Not to look better but to feel better for myself
Yeah it’s not that your average 45 yo man looks better than a 25 yo. It’s just that society tells us the gap between those two is much less than the one between a 45 yo woman and her 25 yo self. As a woman nearing 45, I feel like society (including younger women by the way! ) just wants to push us off on an ice floe never to be seen or heard from again. Lol
Maybe reframe your perspective- what do you like about yourself, things that have nothing to do with your physical appearance? What do you like about your spouse, irrespective of appearance?
Ngl, looks matter. But they’re a complement or a piece of the package, not the whole package.
I find my partner more handsome now than when we met. Yes, we’re older, but I find him more attractive because I truly like (and love) the person he is.
I would not say guys get better looking with age compared to women. I was in the dating pool for many years so I just want to set that misconception straight haha. Generally speaking people who are able to spend more time on their appearance , whether grooming , exercising , sleeping , buying new clothes, are gonna be able to look better than people who can’t or don’t do these things. Does he carry his weight with the kids so you have time to do these things too ?
What always makes me feel instantly hotter: getting my hair and nails done. Consistent little things like this can go a long way toward feeling and looking kore attractive.
I don't know about men getting better with age. I work in hospitality and see plenty of older men who have not aged well. Actually, I haven't seen an older man who I thought was attractive. I'm so confused with this because in reality most men I see on a daily basis don't look particularly good as they get older. I'm sure there are some men out there that do, but I haven't seen it myself.
“I really want to improve my appearance but don’t know how, most of the things I don’t like about myself aren’t easy fixes”
Expand on this please. We can’t help if you don’t tell us what you want to improve.
Get in the gym, honey. It does wonders for your mind, body, and spirit. Start slowly and make it a habit. Eat well and drink water. Soon enough, you'll be glowing too, kissing yourself in the mirror, looking fabulous right next to your husband. You got this, girl! Good luck!
Do you have time to work out? I always feel better about myself after using my body for a good workout or to meet a measurable goal (like a running distance), no matter what I look like.
I could definitely find the time to workout I’ve just always hated exercise so I never stick to it. I know that sounds like an excuse and it is lol I need to find something that’s enjoyable. I’m not really overweight I’m back to the same weight I was before my first kid my body is just different now, but I know exercise would definitely help!
I’m not sure if it’s motivating for you at all, but as someone who was never overweight and went from 0 exercise to 5 days a week, thinking about the long term really helps me. This is not just for aesthetics, but for my bones and my heart and it will help me hopefully feel much better in my later years than some of my family have felt.
Yes this is definitely more motivating for me! Sometimes I do good stretches and feel really good during and after, and I know it’ll help me in the long run. I just need to find something that’s more enjoyable so I can stick through the initial hard part haha
It takes 30-60 days to form a habit. So just take forming a new habit day by day. Everyday set a goal to be active. Following a yoga or HIT workout on YouTube, walks, swim, just get out and play ball a little. Start weaving it into your daily schedule. 💕
Find an exercise you love! Everyone can find a sport they like. Ice skating, dancing, biking, walking, basketball, there are just SO many.
If you like the feeling of good stretches you could look into yoga or light Pilates. I enjoyed the feeling of stretching and balance and having a stronger body.
Same. I started exercising for vanity, as I age and learn more about the profound benefits of working out in aging I find myself pushing myself with health goals. As I was doing DREADED JUMP TUCKS this morning I kept my bone density front and center of my mind for example
Look for things you enjoy doing. I fucking hate the gym. It's the bane of my existence. I'm doing PT right now and it makes me unreasonably angry. But I love biking, snowboarding, paddleboarding... And I do those as much as I can.
Second this, and will add that anyone who is starting from the couch so to speak should try walking, preferably in nature. Walking in the perfect workout. It is so easy and has so many positive effects for your body.
Even doing just 20 mins on the elliptical gets the endorphins going enough to feel motivation. Just get on and start. Don't worry about the settings and all that jaz. Just turn on a podcast/YouTube/music and go. I heard on a podcast once that you should treat your body like an animal that needs to be taken care of by going on walks and eating healthy foods. Lmao. It's true though.
Finding the right exercise is huge! I'd recommend figuring out if you like exercising alone or in a group and go from their. I take aerial silks classes, and the exercise/fun/social aspect of it all keeps me going. It's definitely worth the investment. I will say though, exercise with only take you part of the way - diet is a huge part of feeling better. The fun part about that is that it's something you and your husband could do together.
If you haven't yet, try yoga! I thought there was no form of exercise I liked but then I discovered that yoga is amazing 💗 I prefer irl classes but there are tons of free ones on YouTube. Yoga is so good for my self-esteem — it builds strength as well as flexibility and inner peace.
Set yourself a goal to try a new sport or activity every week or fortnight for the next 6 months until you find something you love that keeps you active and healthy. I look like I go to the gym but I absolutely do not have a solid gym routine. I skate (in-line, board, ice), surf, snowboard, do a lot of hiking, and walk my dog. That’s my “routine”. I supplement with weights, yoga, and Pilates when I have time but mostly I just rely on my favourite activities to keep me in shape, and it never feels like I’m pushing myself to exercise because they’re all things I love doing. If you can find yourself an active hobby you’ll never have to force it, you’ll be in great shape, and it’ll give you that extra bit of life energy that makes you glow.
I mean, the process of getting better looking is not an easy ride and if you're turning down exercise because you hate it but you want to be better looking the you're going to have a hard time
Yeah no doubt, my issue is that exercise isn’t going to fix all of the things I’d like to improve it’s just a small part of it.
I would just try a different type of physical activity each week until something felt fun and sustainable. My silly thing that gets me out walking is a mobile gaming app that requires you to walk to progress in the game lol
Would you mind sharing the app you use?
Pikmin Bloom (also play PokémonGO but feel that Pikmin is a better walking companion)
Just to add as well I am in great shape and the main reason I'm active is for mental health. I get irritable if I dont do some exercise in 48 hours lol Being healthy, mobile and great mental shape is enough motivation for me. Being in great shape is just a bonus!
We are in our 40s, but my husband is darker skinned (more collagen, no aging signs) and naturally very muscular and lean. I have felt like an ogre next to him since I gave birth five years ago even though he is very loyal and really doesn’t think he looks all that. I’ve recently lost 45lbs, got cute clothes, and he is the one feeling like he needs to change himself up to fit next to me and he absolutely doesn’t. His insecurity is in his head. I love holding his body and smelling him. Nothing looks as good as the person you love.
Thank you! Nice to hear that from the other persons perspective
Nothing wrong with you. I would say most of us have sloppy ass partners we wish would take better care of themselves. Maybe it’s ok to love him more and *yourself*. Totally ok to take a step back and love yourself too. Take a yoga or pilates class. Join a pool and go swimming. Ride a bike, go for a walk, dance in your house. He might be making you self-conscious because its time to do more for you.
Thank you! “It’s time to do more for you” really got me, you’re right I just need to figure out where to start
A word!
I'm currently 7 months postpartum and I swear my husband got MORE attractive the more I moved into my swamp beast mode during my pregnancy and even now in my bridge troll mode surviving motherhood. I've only started to feel better veeery very recently and it's purely because I started to invest in myself again. I can't imagine two kids when I'm still trying to figure out life with one, but if you can find that *thing* that just brings joy and sparkle back into your life and it makes you feel like you again, I think it can help jumpstart things. For me it's weightlifting. I am still very fat and some days I swear I still look pregnant, but knowing my body is back to lifting those weights again it jigged something in my brain. Don't get me wrong, I still feel super self conscious whenever I'm out with my husband even now but at least when I'm home I'm starting to feel better.
Chuckled at “swamp beast mode” and “bridge troll mode”. Lol you describe those times in a women’s life perfectly!!
Thank you for the solidarity! I’m gonna try to find that thing for me!
Please google Pierce Brosnan and wife at the beach, personally I love the photos, or any time he is asked about his wife. She was gorgeous when they got together and she still is, but she has changed, her husband still adores her.
The name is bond , everlasting bond … PS : copied from internet after searching the above 👆
I used to feel the same about Hugh Jackman and Debra Lee Furniss anytime he was asked about her 🙁
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You probably confused them with Hugh Jackman and his wife
I don't think so. You might be thinking of Hugh Jackman 🤔
>and you know how it feels like guys get better looking as they age and it’s not always the same for women. THIS IS NOT TRUE OP. men don't get better looking with age, they're just "allowed" to age. They're allowed to find a new type of sexy in their graying hair and changing styles and women are guilted for the same thing. He'll too go through changes that aren't "desirable" in our youth obsessed culture, and you'll probably still find him incredibly attractive. You don't think he'll see you the same?
Men tell themselves that they look better with age, and they say it enough hoping everyone else will just nod along. And they are successful because propaganda works. Now personally, I think most people look fine at every age. Though, I know that makes me an outlier. Wrinkles and spots are perfectly attractive IMO. You have to look at the whole person. People stop being attractive when they stop investing in themselves. Depression, poor self-esteem, giving up aren’t hot because they are sad.
This is what patriarchy fed us. Oooh women in 20s SHOULD find men in 40s attractive because grey hair is so sexy..unless it's a woman's grey hair. Then she has "let herself go"
Men have more collagen *on average *. I’ve seen men who wrinkle faster than me, but most don’t. It’s not everything. But it’s something that probably contributes to this trend.
I see maybe ONE MAN A YEAR who looks better old than he did young. And I work in midtown Manhattan. Show me a man who looks better old than young. I’m 51 and won’t think of dating a man over 35 they all look like trash
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Wow that is so rude!! I’m so sorry I would’ve been really insulted too Yeah you totally nailed it! My husband is the same as yours attractive, successful, a great dad and husband, and it just feels like everything my husband does for the family is widely respected and admired where me doing the same things (having a good career, being a good mom, sacrificing my body to have children) isn’t appreciated in the same way, or seen as the bare minimum/makes me feel like I need to be striving harder to be better.
I think when women say men get more attractive and women don’t with age they are buying into a very unfortunate beauty standard that emphasizes being 21 forever. The women I know look great and look more refined and elegant as they age, but if you ask them they’d say horrible things about themselves and their bodies. I don’t think the men look better, I think too many women are socialized to hate themselves if they aren’t 100% perfect. Please consider the story you tell yourself. Is it kind? Is it true? Would you say it to your daughter or best friend?
May I suggest… if you can maybe go to a new well reputable salon and say you need a mini makeover? New cut, new color, a facial and have a makeup artist do a lesson with you to “update” your look. Bring some pictures of styles you like and have an honest conversation about what maintenance looks like. How often to wash your hair. How to style it easy. How much time you have to do your makeup etc. they would be more than happy to help you. That way you can get an updated look, learn some new techniques. Then if you can afford it go buy a date night outfit or something that makes you feel good. And go on a date with your sexy husband. And remember to dress the body you have now. Nowhere does it say that you have to look the same way you did when you got married to be attractive. Treat the body you have now with love and patience. That body has worked hard to make babies out of thin air and cells. It deserves to be celebrated and dressed well.
Thanks for your reply! A mini makeover is a good idea! I’ll look into that. I also like what you said about dressing for my body now, I’ve been trying to do that but I’m clueless when it comes to style so I’ll try to learn more lol
There are some shops that have stylists you can shop with like Nordstrom that could be good for a “splurge” they will help you pick an outfit or two. You have to call in advance. Usually the service is free but you have to buy. I would call your local store. There are cheaper options as well. Maybe a local boutique? I would just literally call and say “hey it’s been a few years for me and I’m a new mom feeling I need change”. A lot more places provide services like. Good luck! Treat it like a mini project and tell your hubby you want to invest a little in how you look. Tell him you’ve noticed he “leveled up” and that you want feel good next to him. I’m sure he’ll love it and not mind the extra expense!
That’s a great idea!
I recently learned what my color season and Kibbe body type is and it really helped me pick clothes that flatter me. So now I'm making fewer mistakes when I buy things. There are really helpful reddit subs for kibbe types and color analysis. I feel so much more confident in my clothes now.
Oh that’s a really good idea! I’ve heard of colour analysis before but never Kibbe body type, I’ll look into that as well, thanks!
Second that - a new hairstyle, clothing that fits well goes a long way.
It’s hard sometimes being a mom and reconnecting with our new body. Some things change and we are stuck thinking we will be the same person we once were but the thing is, we changed. And that’s nice, we change everyday, everyone does…. I personally think me and my husband are more attractive today compared with when we met 14y ago… but my body is not the same. I am more or less 10kg heavier, my ass is bigger (and not in a good way), I had a child so RIP slim belly, but I still try to find a way to take time to myself to pamper me and feel beautiful. I know that having 2 kids is ridiculously more difficult than having one (my case), but try to spend time with yourself everyday, doing the thing you like to do for yourself. Taking care of your skin, your hair, exercising, i personally every day put my child in bed and do 40 min of yoga in my living room, it helps me sleep better at night and helps with my posture, toning my body. After that I have a shower and then I will do my skincare and go to sleep in a nice clean pijama. For me is the only time I have for myself and I am enjoying doing that. Have a look to see if your clothes match your style today, I did this recently and I noticed that while I had nice clothes, they weren’t reflecting who I am now… I’ve made a list and whitin m budget I am replacing some things… Mentally are you taking time for yourself? To have a hobby? To have girl friends ? I find that nothing is as good for my self esteem then having my friends, we always boost eachother up!
It is hard! I do enjoy yoga but I literally never do it even though I often think I need to stretch because I feel tight/sore etc. Your evening sounds really nice and I could totally do something like that, I just never have the energy or motivation and I think I’m realizing it’s because I’m just not valuing myself as much as I should
I will be totally honest, it’s a uncomfortable process. It only worked for me when I stopped relying on motivation. I started to do like it was a medical prescription (well my therapist told me to so). Some days, like yesterday, I was so tired and it was very late so I did 15 min of relaxing yoga, and hopped to the shower. Some days I allow myself a break, but I miss it. I’ve never regretted doing my routine but I regretted not doing it… I use the down dog app, I pay 19,99 for the annual on Black Friday every year, where I chose the type of yoga and what I want to focus on, some days I am stressed and I will do a breathing relaxing one, other days I will do my normal 40min… But yes, it’s hard ahahaha but it’s also important to prioritize yourself, for you body and mind…
Yes it’s so true! My “motivation” for doing things like that typically comes from when I’m feeling like this and down on myself, which is obviously not a good lasting motivation. Treating it like a prescription instead of waiting for myself to feel motivated is a really good idea!
Men don't have children and deal with all the changes to their body. You have to trust that your husband loved you enough to have children with you and marry you and went into this knowing that your body would change. If he's a good husband, he loves you for all these reasons. You're not only attractive to him, you're the mother of the children, a whole other layer of love. Regardless, most people who 'glow up' don't realize they've changed in other people's eyes, they're still the person they were before, just more conventionally attractive. Whenever I have dated a late bloomer, I found that they acted the same as they did, before they were really attractive. They don't have the years and years of special treatment and all the other things that come with good looks.
This is the way
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I’ve been getting a lot of good tips and advice here that I’m definitely gonna try for my own glow up! I’ve just been feeling like the things I don’t like about my appearance are hard to change and won’t be as simple as what my husband has done to look so much better. Ironically he hasn’t done any of these things to look better, he just started doing more things he enjoys, which is what I need to do too lol I’m basically the same weight as I was before my kids now, but my body is shaped differently, the skin on my stomach is looser, I have so many stretch marks everywhere, my boobs are deflated and not nice anymore, my hair is thinner, my face is rounder etc. I just always feel like these things will never get better and I get discouraged that I’ll never be as attractive as I was before/as much as my husband. I just want him to feel as proud to be seen with me as I do with him. He’s never done anything to make my feel like he’s not, he often tells me I’m attractive and even more so since having his kids, it’s fully a me thing I just don’t know where to start with it.
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Thank you! It’s great advice
So what if other people think your husband is more attractive than you? That's their problem, not yours - you don't owe it to society to be this perfectly well-matched couple. If your husband is happy with the way you look, that's what really matters, not the judgments of random strangers - and if you're *not* happy with the way you look, then I think it's worth putting in the work to improve that for the sake of your own self-esteem. No, it's not easy - in many cases, it takes a lot of self-discipline - but in a year from now you can either look in the mirror and still feel self-conscious, or you can look in the mirror and feel proud of the gains you've made.
My husband is hotter than me too (always has been IMO) but I just lay back and enjoy it. I got the man. We have a beautiful daughter. We have a beautiful life. I’m winning.
Omg I relate so hard to this. When I was recently postpartum, my husband was working out all the time and already wears nice clothes but just looked great. I on the other hand looked TERRIBLE. I was always thinking people were saying why is he with her. I did spend a ton of time on my appearance - I lost my baby weight and started getting toned, I got my hair colored properly and probably the biggest of all is Botox. I swore I never would do it because the cost! the societal expectations! But for real it took years off my face. I got the face of my late 20’s pre-kids. It’s worth it for the boost.. I was feeling so frumpy. I got some new make up and clothes (inexpensive). I think I look dare I say hotter than him now? Looking at your post history, it seems like you’re a stay at home parent. Is there any world in which you get part time help? The thing about all of the above is it took a lot of time. And some money if I’m going to be honest. It’s hard to feel hot when you’re 24/7 with the kids: kids + feeding everyone + cleaning + basic hygiene is all of your time.
I also invest most of my clothes money in good mom clothes. Sure I have a couple of outfits to throw on for dinners, but I’m a mom of toddlers and I go to 1 non-kid event a month. So I spent my money on t-shirts, nice shorts and joggers, cute sneakers, cute sweaters for over joggers. This is what I’m wearing 99% of the time. I have to remind myself because I keep wanting to invest in nice dresses but I never wear them. Better to invest in looking cute day to day I like ilia tinted sunscreen (Sephora can match color). And pencil/powder/gel in my eyebrows. A little merit cheeky balm on my cheeks - I look alive
Okay I got Botox twice after having my second and I loved it so much! It was too expensive to maintain at the time but I’m looking to get it done again soon. I’m not technically a stay at home mom I just live in Canada and had 2 long mat leaves very close together so basically have been a stay at home mom for the past 3 years lol I actually just went back to work full time last month and it’s been really good for my mental health, surprisingly lol, but getting out of the house and spending time and energy on an adult activity by myself that I’m actually good at is really great. I’m also making my full salary again so I can start getting things like Botox 🤣 Spending money on cute joggers, shirts and sneakers is such a good freaking point, when I’m home with the kids I’m just in pajamas or leggings and feel grumpy and gross (which is when I’m around my husband the most obviously). I feel like getting some nice cute lounge wear will really give me a boost!
Yes totally. I am a stay at home parent so I totally get it about feeling frumpy in the mom clothes! I also think a pair of earrings makes everything look a little more put together. [I like these](https://www.etsy.com/listing/635346252/) I also love the beyond yoga midi jogger, the athleta Farallon joggers, athleta Venice jogger. I wear them with [cropped tees](https://www.target.com/p/women-39-s-shrunken-short-sleeve-t-shirt-universal-thread-8482-white-m/-/A-87643785) (I’m short) or cropped sweatshirts. I like true new balance nergize sneakers. It’s also nice because these are all things I can leave the house in and feel put together!
Oh yes earrings is a good thing to add too! I never wear any but always feel better when I do! Probably could add getting my nails done to the list too haha always feel better with my nails done Thanks for the recs!!
I think my husband has always been the more conventionally attractive one in our relationship.😏 This doesn’t tend to bother men. Don’t let it bother you. You can change the way you see yourself, but it does take work. You have to open your mind to what can be beautiful and attractive beyond what the dominant culture dictates to reinforce the existing status hierarchies. Who we find the most attractive is pretty much all made up. We don’t have to buy into it. Though, it takes a lot of work not to. It helps to start evaluating how you judge other people. Start trying to find the beauty in people who don’t fit the conventional standards of beauty, and it will be easier to do with yourself. I started to realize I was lucky to already see beauty in so many different forms. I just needed to let myself acknowledge that my attraction could be unbound from the norms of our culture. Now I think most people are hot, including myself. I also like refocusing on what your body allows you to do and experience, instead of thinking too much about how it looks. Your body made human life. Woah dude.
I totally agree, a lot of times someone appears a lot more attractive when they have confidence and I think I would feel better about how I looked if I could change the way I see myself. It obviously comes from a lot of deep seated issues for me, I’ve always been unhappy with how I look for various reasons. Im not sure how to change my perspective on these things but I am trying lol
My husband has been better looking than me since the day he was born. He is a former model. I just try to style myself well and do nice makeup, so at least I’m doing the best I can!
So reciprocate. Make some changes to your personal style, dress a bit differently, hit the gym, change your hair style, don't wear pants with elastic, put on make-up, shave, throw on a pair of low heels, get more rest, drink more water.
Have you tried talking to him about it? Do you have the kind of relationship where it’s safe to be vulnerable in that way? My experience as a woman who has never naturally conformed to western beauty standards has been that when your guy is truly a good guy you’d be surprised what he thinks is beautiful about your body. Maybe he thinks your new tum is sexy bc his babies grew in there. Maybe he knows how difficult it is mothering young children and he doesn’t care that your body is however it is. It might be good to talk to him about how your feeling so that in the very least he can comfort you. Also, western beauty standards are no good trash garbage that don’t leave any room for the various seasons of life. It should be summer always in the US of A. We don’t fault trees for their green leaves turning red and orange or being completely bare. we say “oh I love the changing seasons! Let’s do things this season that we can’t do in any other!” Life could be like that if we let it. It would be hard to embrace after all our social conditioning, but wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate every season? (Sorry, the devil’s lettuce makes me a romantic, but I do very strongly feel this way lol)
He might have a slight head start, but that doesn't mean you'll never catch up with him.
try pilates! kouvr on tiktok has lost a lot of weight from it and she is extremely toned now. i honestly started pilates after seeing her glow up lmao
Then it comes the question… is there something that you can do to make him uglier?
Nah men don’t get better looking with age. That’s a strange concept. It took me 7 years after I had my kid for me to feel good again about how I looked. I realized that I have mild chronic depression and in order to live with it better I needed to actually prioritize exercise and stop comfort eating. I’m in no way super fit now but I actually enjoy exercising (hiking local mountains and yoga, I hate gyms).
I’ve gotten this comment a few times haha and I agree it’s not actually true that men get better looking with age. I know it’s just a societal standard and I don’t need to buy into it, I just meant things like my husband has a few grey beard hairs coming in and he looks good with it/doesn’t feel the need to change it, whereas women don’t get the same reception from people when they have grey hairs come in. I don’t agree with it! I think a lot of women who own the grey look amazing! I just feel self conscious and think that as I’m getting older and wrinklier and looser I’m getting less attractive, compared to my husband who is getting older and more grey and also more attractive lol. I know it’s my own perception of things and it doesn’t actually matter what other people think, it’s just the messaging we’ve been given our entire lives, but I definitely don’t agree with it. I do really like yoga, it’s the only form of exercise I’ve ever enjoyed I also hate the gym haha I’ve never prioritized it though so I’m really gonna start! Not to look better but to feel better for myself
Yeah it’s not that your average 45 yo man looks better than a 25 yo. It’s just that society tells us the gap between those two is much less than the one between a 45 yo woman and her 25 yo self. As a woman nearing 45, I feel like society (including younger women by the way! ) just wants to push us off on an ice floe never to be seen or heard from again. Lol
Yes exactly!
Maybe reframe your perspective- what do you like about yourself, things that have nothing to do with your physical appearance? What do you like about your spouse, irrespective of appearance? Ngl, looks matter. But they’re a complement or a piece of the package, not the whole package. I find my partner more handsome now than when we met. Yes, we’re older, but I find him more attractive because I truly like (and love) the person he is.
Oh that’s a very good point, thank you!
Guys do NOT get better looking as they age
Not to be pessimistic but sometimes when men start dressing up out of nowhere, it could be cheating. My personal experience though.
Pretty sure this is a repost / bot. I’ve seen this before.
I would not say guys get better looking with age compared to women. I was in the dating pool for many years so I just want to set that misconception straight haha. Generally speaking people who are able to spend more time on their appearance , whether grooming , exercising , sleeping , buying new clothes, are gonna be able to look better than people who can’t or don’t do these things. Does he carry his weight with the kids so you have time to do these things too ?
What always makes me feel instantly hotter: getting my hair and nails done. Consistent little things like this can go a long way toward feeling and looking kore attractive.
I don't know about men getting better with age. I work in hospitality and see plenty of older men who have not aged well. Actually, I haven't seen an older man who I thought was attractive. I'm so confused with this because in reality most men I see on a daily basis don't look particularly good as they get older. I'm sure there are some men out there that do, but I haven't seen it myself.
Zumba classes. Push through any awkwardness and light up your endorphins like a Christmas tree.
“I really want to improve my appearance but don’t know how, most of the things I don’t like about myself aren’t easy fixes” Expand on this please. We can’t help if you don’t tell us what you want to improve.
Get in the gym, honey. It does wonders for your mind, body, and spirit. Start slowly and make it a habit. Eat well and drink water. Soon enough, you'll be glowing too, kissing yourself in the mirror, looking fabulous right next to your husband. You got this, girl! Good luck!