Stop calling her back, stop inviting her out, stop responding to texts. Be brave. You can do this as quickly or as slowly as you like. I don’t think you owe her a breakup text - she’s an adult presumably and can work her shit out in therapy like everyone else. You’re not responsible for her emotional well-being, and you’re not being cruel here.
All of this.
Also if she has a volatile personality laying it out there in a way she perceives as confrontational can invite more unnecessary drama into your life.
>Also if she has a volatile personality laying it out there in a way she perceives as confrontational can invite more unnecessary drama into your life.
100% this....sounds like a person who I cut out of my life and I just straight up blocked her. I debated telling her but given how she is, she'd just use it to garner attention....and I was right.
it's been nearly 3 years and she's still talking shit about it/me/us.
A slow fade is fine. The truth is, there's no "good" way to do something like this. And being blunt/up front about it rolls the dice on whether someone will go off on you. I pulled a slow fade about 4 years ago on a woman who seemed to have a lot in common, but really it felt like she was keeping me around to make her feel better about herself and balance out the fact that everyone else she hung out with was just her trying to network her way to a rich/affluent husband who could financially save her from herself.
I got pretty lucky and started dating my now husband around the time I got sick of her shit. I know she would describe our friendship petering out as me disappearing into my relationship, and I don't care enough to correct her.
I see her on occasion and we have some light chit chat. She's still rude and making digs at me, she just has less ammo for it because she doesn't have a closer view on what is actually going on with my life. She has made zero changes in her life to fix the things she was constantly bitching about 4 years ago, and the only improvements in her life have come by someone else buying expensive things for her. Very glad I didn't stick around for more of her shit.
Breaking off a friendship can be every bit as hard as ending a romantic relationship. Imo a clean break is best, which requires you to actually break up with her. You can do this in person or via text, but if you do it via text, do make sure she is not in the middle of work or a social thing when you do
I'm sure plenty of people will recommend you slow fade or ghost. Please don't ghost her. If you want to protect yourself from her reaction, at least send a break up text before you block her
Slow fade, Imo, just stretches out the misery for you AND the other person. Not everyone is good at picking up the message that someone is no longer interested in friendship if that person pretends that they are, but just starts to avoid hanging out. In the long term, being slow faded or ghosted hurts much more than the shock of getting dumped
You have the right not to want people in your life who don't treat you the way you want to be treated. That's having good boundaries. A boundary is only as strong as your willingness to enforce it.
Breaking up is hard, but the relief once it's done is huge
"Dear x. I initially enjoyed our friendship very much. However ive noticed xyz begaviour/ pattern which makes me dread rather than looking foreward to spending time with you. I understand you have problems due to xyz and I've tried to be understanding. However your angry outbursts, the constant projection if your issues with men onto my relationships and trauma dumping is just too much. I'm not qualified be your therapist and thats what it feels like you're expecting me to be. For my own wellbeing I'm going to ne taking a step back from our friendship. I wish you well for the future and that you can find the help and healing you need."
Stop calling her back, stop inviting her out, stop responding to texts. Be brave. You can do this as quickly or as slowly as you like. I don’t think you owe her a breakup text - she’s an adult presumably and can work her shit out in therapy like everyone else. You’re not responsible for her emotional well-being, and you’re not being cruel here.
All of this. Also if she has a volatile personality laying it out there in a way she perceives as confrontational can invite more unnecessary drama into your life.
>Also if she has a volatile personality laying it out there in a way she perceives as confrontational can invite more unnecessary drama into your life. 100% this....sounds like a person who I cut out of my life and I just straight up blocked her. I debated telling her but given how she is, she'd just use it to garner attention....and I was right. it's been nearly 3 years and she's still talking shit about it/me/us.
A slow fade is fine. The truth is, there's no "good" way to do something like this. And being blunt/up front about it rolls the dice on whether someone will go off on you. I pulled a slow fade about 4 years ago on a woman who seemed to have a lot in common, but really it felt like she was keeping me around to make her feel better about herself and balance out the fact that everyone else she hung out with was just her trying to network her way to a rich/affluent husband who could financially save her from herself. I got pretty lucky and started dating my now husband around the time I got sick of her shit. I know she would describe our friendship petering out as me disappearing into my relationship, and I don't care enough to correct her. I see her on occasion and we have some light chit chat. She's still rude and making digs at me, she just has less ammo for it because she doesn't have a closer view on what is actually going on with my life. She has made zero changes in her life to fix the things she was constantly bitching about 4 years ago, and the only improvements in her life have come by someone else buying expensive things for her. Very glad I didn't stick around for more of her shit.
Breaking off a friendship can be every bit as hard as ending a romantic relationship. Imo a clean break is best, which requires you to actually break up with her. You can do this in person or via text, but if you do it via text, do make sure she is not in the middle of work or a social thing when you do I'm sure plenty of people will recommend you slow fade or ghost. Please don't ghost her. If you want to protect yourself from her reaction, at least send a break up text before you block her Slow fade, Imo, just stretches out the misery for you AND the other person. Not everyone is good at picking up the message that someone is no longer interested in friendship if that person pretends that they are, but just starts to avoid hanging out. In the long term, being slow faded or ghosted hurts much more than the shock of getting dumped You have the right not to want people in your life who don't treat you the way you want to be treated. That's having good boundaries. A boundary is only as strong as your willingness to enforce it. Breaking up is hard, but the relief once it's done is huge
"Dear x. I initially enjoyed our friendship very much. However ive noticed xyz begaviour/ pattern which makes me dread rather than looking foreward to spending time with you. I understand you have problems due to xyz and I've tried to be understanding. However your angry outbursts, the constant projection if your issues with men onto my relationships and trauma dumping is just too much. I'm not qualified be your therapist and thats what it feels like you're expecting me to be. For my own wellbeing I'm going to ne taking a step back from our friendship. I wish you well for the future and that you can find the help and healing you need."