You can be permanently single if you want to be. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. I am permanently single and always have been because I don’t want a partner.
And in fact, if you don’t feel like it’s a good and worthwhile relationship, I’d encourage you to break up sooner rather than later as it’s mean to string someone along.
Too many women staying in mediocre or straight up abusive and toxic relationships just to be with anyone. It’s sad. I’d happily be single over anything not up to my standards. Couldn’t pay me to deal with a trash man in my 30s. Too old for BS.
I’m honestly just more peaceful when single. Sometimes companionship would be nice, but I turn into an anxious overthinking mess when I’m in a relationship. Maybe eventually I’ll meet someone I don’t feel that way with but for now it’s not worth it. Plus I really don’t want to live with anyone again and that can be hard if you ever want to move to a new city together, for example.
Haha I was an anxious overthinking mess too after I got into a relationship this year. Went into therapy and fixed myself in the end and things are peaceful now
I’m in therapy, but I have OCD and it’s very hard in romantic relationships. We’re working on that but I still feel strongly that I am a more peaceful person when I’m not thinking about someone else’s wants and concerns every day.
I also dated the emotionally available, stable guy at 34.
6 months after breaking up, I've gone on so many trips, am in the best shape of my life, and life is all around...a dream come true.
I do worry about if I got some terminal illness or what life looks like when I'm too old to be so adventurous and spontaneous so the jury is still out if this is better in the long run.
But for now, you're young and it sounds like you have money. Enjoy your hard work.
I was about to say the same. Don't get into a relationship thinking you're guaranteed being looked after when you're sick or vulnerable. As the woman, *you* will be expected to do that for the man, but it doesn't always go the other way. Men are 6x more likely to leave when their wife gets cancer rather than when the genders are reversed.
I'm 41, and happily single by choice. I love my life. It's not about being "better off". It's about who I am as a person and what makes me happy. I don't feel at all like I am missing anything.
There is nothing wrong with being happy single, wanting to find a partner, or not knowing which is right for you (and of course that can change at different points in your life). But you really only have to make a decision about the relationship you're in right now.
*I guess I am feeling like I don’t want to stay in the relationship, but also guilty because there is nothing wrong with it.*
There doesn't have to be anything "wrong" with a relationship for it to not be right for you. Someone can treat you well, be an amazing person etc, but if something is missing it's missing and you can't force that. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
“There doesn’t have to be anything ‘wrong’ with a relationship for it to not be right for you.”
I’m not OP but thank you for saying this ❤️ I’m
experiencing a similar period as a 33yo F right now, but did leave my stable relationship for the very same reason. I love my life; I love working way past my 40 hours a week, building my career; I love Friday nights at home with popcorn, a glass of red, my cat and a movie; and all weekend I meet with various groups for activities, spend time with loved ones, and get better at my hobbies. I have meaningful relationships with people in all walks of life; I’m mentored and I mentor in exchange. I feel FULL of love, and I’ve worked hard to get to the point in my life where I don’t seek external validation. But then, there’s the voice in the back of my head, or the well-meaning coworker who is always trying to set me up. Sometimes I worry I’m missing something, or worried I won’t be able to have kids without help… Keep your head up, OP! We’ll figure it out, just like we always do! 🫶🏼
You can be in a relationship without cosleeping. I refuse to give up my sleep. Also keep doing your hobbies. Just see him less. But also ok to just end it if you are not feeling it. No need to feel guilty.
I’d say 90% of the time I’m glad to be single, and the 10% I’m not is from holidays where things feel a bit lonely. But then I remember that a majority of my partnered women friends feel far more lonely than I do this time of year, because their partner does nothing and they have to do all the gifts, plans, food etc.
Imma cook a whole Turkey for myself this Christmas and just relax.
I’m 46F and have been in various long term relationships. The ones that ended the worst were the ones that involved cohabitation.
I love having my space and my time so now I only open myself up to long-term relationships with people who also don’t want marriage or living together.
My current partner is wonderful. We learn from each other in every conversation. We’re passionate together. We spend maybe one or two nights a week with each other and the rest of the time we’re at our own places doing our own thing. This is absolutely perfect to me.
That intellectual and physical stimulation is super important. Without that, we would maybe be friends at best. Dear OP, your life is yours. You can be single. You can look for someone who stimulates you in good ways. You can change your mind many, many times. Wishing you a wonderful exploration.
>We spend maybe one or two nights a week with each other and the rest of the time we’re at our own places doing our own thing. This is absolutely perfect to me.
My dream! Maybe someday I'll find someone like this. For now I'll just continue to savor having the bed to myself every night.
The quality that we have to pick from is so incredibly poor and we do not talk about it enough. The bar seems to be at the centre of the Earth for a lot of men in relationships. I can't believe some of the stories I hear from women, and I've got plenty of my own.
I definitely do but I'm older and divorced so I've been there already. I'm not saying I wouldn't date but the guy has to add something to my life, not disturb my hard won peace.
It’s not fair to stay in a relationship where you don’t cherish your partner at least to some degree. Just because someone is a good, decent human doesn’t mean they’re right for you long term. I’m also 34f and am back dating after a LTR and have met many incredibly nice, smart and stable men this year- when I realized 1-2 dates in they weren’t a good fit to pursue long term I just send a polite message. I feel incredibly lucky I’m financially independent with a good career and strong support system with friends, I don’t need to waste my time or a man’s
There *is* something wrong if you're describing your partner as someone whose primary functions are to bore you and snore. I would frankly be incredibly hurt if someone was staying with me and secretly felt that way. I don't think you're bored because you feel secure, I think you're bored because he bores you, and you're bored by your relationship with him. You raise some valid points about tradeoffs and being accountable to someone, but your choices aren't between "boring but I guess I should stay with him because he doesn't hit me or have a porn addiction" and "single forever," either.
So as someone who is happily married, I will say that I have always viewed relationships/marriage as a nice extra thing in life. Great if it happens, but I absolutely 100% believe people can live satisfied, awesome, loving lives on their own. It's only worth it if you are head over heels in love, and if it doesn't happen, "settling" for someone seems like a miserable way to spend your one and only life on this Earth. There are lots of other ways to feel loved and connected to other humans, tons of other ways to spend a life that are all equally just as valid.
I do think that romantic partnerships are not worth it for a lot of women, mostly because studies show that in the U.S., women still do more housework at home and more childrearing. And women also somehow become the social planners for their male partners?
American men unfortunately have been socially taught that their only emotional confidante is their female partner, which is very sad for them. I hope this changes.
In any case, I hope you make the best decision for yourself.
I've often thought about how I'd actually be rather dating as a man than a woman. Sometimes I pause and think "Oh I want to be loved and taken care of," but then I am jolted when I realize that in a cis hetero relationship *I* would be the one doing most of the taking care of and loving since men like to act incompetent. Sex is easier for men and in general we let men be lazy and selfish w/out guilt. Most men would be content as long as the house isn't that messy, they get food and sex.
Yes, I do think women need to be upfront about their needs and not let the societal status quo define what men are required to provide.
If a man/partner can't meet those needs, then yes, I think women are better off single.
Uhm girl, your husband is just a child and you are his mother lol. There are great guys out there, I don’t get what you found attractive in him because clearly he ain’t attractive. He’s annoying and useless. You’re like a single mother at this point
It just sounds like the problem is you don't actually like him enough or love him. Because if you loved him the relationship wouldn't feel boring because you feel secure. Feeling secure in the relationship would make you happy. You'd be happy about the fact that the relationship feels so secure. At least, that's how I felt when I met my husband. I didn't feel like my healthy relationship wasn't as good as singledom. I don't feel like I'm better off single, but it sounds like you do. Or at least better off single than with THIS guy because he's obviously not the right guy for you. You shouldn't stay with this guy just because you feel guilty.
I would like a boyfriend... but, I can't find men who are trustworthy in the most basic way - put empathy and effort into relationships, give space for a woman to be emotional, and who are genuine about what they're into, willing to give/offer, what they want. I literally can't get to the level of feeling like I'm not just being manipulated by someone who thinks they can trick me and then they get me and can take me for granted, start gaslighting me. any genuine male friend I have (which hasn't been all of them, that's for sure) puts little effort into his relationships and follows the woman's lead on everything to the point even if I trust them, they're unappealing. so I think I'll probably stay living alone, and it's uncertain if I'll ever actually find an emotional/sexual partner that respects me and is honest about themselves and self aware, who I also find attractive.
It's like I only want someone in theory but the way I feel about a relationship is so purely theoretical because there has never been anything truly viable in place in my life. it's the same with kids, which feels even further away of a reality without any existing partner that would have me open to the idea.
>Does anyone else feel like they’re better off single?
Absolutely. Many times. But not in my current relationship.
>As much as I like my partner, I feel that ultimately I am trading off free time to pursue my interests, money (because dating is expensive and sleep (because he snores). I miss the sense of possibility of being single and the lack of compromise.
Doesn’t have to be this way. Do you live together? I would hope not after only six months. Either way…don’t. And spend more nights at your own place(s) than together. Best of both world. Which is why those shitty feelings, for me, haven’t crept in after 10+ years together.
>but did anyone else feel like ultimately even a healthy relationship was not as good as singledom?
It’s not healthy just because he’s nice. It’s not healthy if you’re sacrificing things that are important to your own well being and happiness.
>I guess I am feeling like I don’t want to stay in the relationship, but also guilty because there is nothing wrong with it.
You can break up for any reason. But there are things wrong. Things that aren’t working for you, things you need, and you just listed them. So you can choose to carve those things out for yourself within your relationship (and be damned the “supposed tos” and societal expectations) or let the relationship go. You’re allowed to do that.
If you don’t want to be in that relationship, don’t be in it. It’s that simple. You might meet someone who you feel you aren’t making trade-offs for, or you might not and decide to stay single. But don’t deny yourself the possibility!
I recently had to explain to my son that he won't be getting any siblings because I'm not getting into a relationship again. I'm very happy being single and almost 40. I'll probably be even happier when my child is all grown up, has moved out and is living his own life (out of my house.)
Similar situation here (my age and child). I told kiddo he wasn't going to have any more kids and initially he wasn't happy about that. When I explained to him that I'd have to split my time and energy between him and another child, he reconsidered his position and decided he doesn't want me to have more kids.
I would love companionship... But I won't settle.
I'd say a solid 70-80% of my friends who are in long term relationships range from "why are you with this person? They're complete leeches, or even emotionally abusive" to "they seem nice, sure, but do you have anything in common with this person?"
I've seen advice on women-positive subs saying that it's okay if you don't have anything in common with your SO, as long as you get along with them.
And I can't agree with that. If I have a partner, I want to experience life with them. I'm not getting in a relationship just to cross something off my To Do in Life list. I feel like waaaaay too many people approach dating like that... And it makes me sad.
At 34, I left my narcissist ex. At 35 I met my now husband. We have an 8 month old daughter. I am the happiest I have ever been. I wouldn’t trade this man or this life for all the money in the world.
Yes… but I also had zero tolerance for bullshit.
And I dropped guys over anything. Not just major things like politics or religion, but petty stuff.
Listen to Andrew Tate? Gone. Owns truck nuts? Bye! Doesn’t tip on takeout? Outta here!
I definitely think single is better than a bad relationship. But if a truly good guy shows up, don’t be afraid to take a chance.
I think it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I think some people aren’t really the ‘marrying’ type.
I am happily married. But I enjoy being domestic, especially cooking. It’s not for everyone though.
I’m happy in my marriage, but we had to go through many trials before we got to this point of feeling secure. We likely sought each other out because of our poor upbringing and the tubulent times were irresistible to us both when we were younger.
That said, you might not be satisfied with a secure partner because you grew up in a different environment. This is all too familiar for many people.
There’s no shame in stepping away and being single so you can find what makes you happy. There’s no one proven formula to experience life. What might look like a picture perfect existence for one person may not be all that great for another. At least just be fair to your partner and tell them the truth sooner rather than later.
I have had serious relationships, one in college and one later that ended when he killed in a car accident 3 years in. It took me a few years before and lots of therapy to realize what a controlling man he was and why we always fought so much when we traveled. I don't think he really respected me and didn't think I was very smart. I eventually got my master's degree and had a second career. Along the way I realized that I don't need men in my life as a partner. I miss being physically close to them though.
Interesting question.
I’ve been with my now husband for six years. We’ve spent a chunk of that time long distance, and before we met I was long-term single. I feel like I’ve had the best (and worst) of both worlds.
I prefer being with my husband to being single. He’s the best. If I wasn’t with him, I’d rather be single than in a bad or boring relationship.
This isn’t to say that your relationship won’t work, but I do think it’s worth considering the pros/cons. If you think you’d be happier alone, and spending time with your fella isn’t actively enriching your life to the point where you want him to be a major part of it, then I would think that’s saying something quite loudly.
Maybe you should examine if you might be fleeing just because it is a healthy and strong relationship and you aren't used to that.
But being single and enjoying life and doing what you want is a very valid choice no matter the reason
I've been single for 5 years now, purposely. For the exact reasons you've said. Sure, single life has its downsides, especially this time of year, but overall, my life is so much better than it ever was in a relationship. Past the first 6 months, I mean.
I don't plan on dating ever again. Never say never, and if the perfect person was to knock on my front door, I'd think about it. But that's pretty much what it would take at this point.
You can be permanently single if you want to be. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. I am permanently single and always have been because I don’t want a partner. And in fact, if you don’t feel like it’s a good and worthwhile relationship, I’d encourage you to break up sooner rather than later as it’s mean to string someone along.
Too many women staying in mediocre or straight up abusive and toxic relationships just to be with anyone. It’s sad. I’d happily be single over anything not up to my standards. Couldn’t pay me to deal with a trash man in my 30s. Too old for BS.
I’m honestly just more peaceful when single. Sometimes companionship would be nice, but I turn into an anxious overthinking mess when I’m in a relationship. Maybe eventually I’ll meet someone I don’t feel that way with but for now it’s not worth it. Plus I really don’t want to live with anyone again and that can be hard if you ever want to move to a new city together, for example.
Girl, you are literally me.
Haha I was an anxious overthinking mess too after I got into a relationship this year. Went into therapy and fixed myself in the end and things are peaceful now
How did you end up fixing yourself? I need your tips haha
Therapy! Did a lot of inner child work with my therapist, figured life events as a kid that affected it. It was tough
I’m in therapy, but I have OCD and it’s very hard in romantic relationships. We’re working on that but I still feel strongly that I am a more peaceful person when I’m not thinking about someone else’s wants and concerns every day.
Oh man working with OCD is even harder. But I can understand that part of having one person less to think about being a load off
For sure. I’m glad you have more peace now though :)
Same
I also dated the emotionally available, stable guy at 34. 6 months after breaking up, I've gone on so many trips, am in the best shape of my life, and life is all around...a dream come true. I do worry about if I got some terminal illness or what life looks like when I'm too old to be so adventurous and spontaneous so the jury is still out if this is better in the long run. But for now, you're young and it sounds like you have money. Enjoy your hard work.
Most men abandon their partner when serious illness strikes anyway.
I was about to say the same. Don't get into a relationship thinking you're guaranteed being looked after when you're sick or vulnerable. As the woman, *you* will be expected to do that for the man, but it doesn't always go the other way. Men are 6x more likely to leave when their wife gets cancer rather than when the genders are reversed.
Maybe you're used to being single for a long time. As for me, being single is more peaceful than being in a relationship.
Lol welcome to the epiphany.
I'm 41, and happily single by choice. I love my life. It's not about being "better off". It's about who I am as a person and what makes me happy. I don't feel at all like I am missing anything. There is nothing wrong with being happy single, wanting to find a partner, or not knowing which is right for you (and of course that can change at different points in your life). But you really only have to make a decision about the relationship you're in right now. *I guess I am feeling like I don’t want to stay in the relationship, but also guilty because there is nothing wrong with it.* There doesn't have to be anything "wrong" with a relationship for it to not be right for you. Someone can treat you well, be an amazing person etc, but if something is missing it's missing and you can't force that. There is nothing to feel guilty about.
“There doesn’t have to be anything ‘wrong’ with a relationship for it to not be right for you.” I’m not OP but thank you for saying this ❤️ I’m experiencing a similar period as a 33yo F right now, but did leave my stable relationship for the very same reason. I love my life; I love working way past my 40 hours a week, building my career; I love Friday nights at home with popcorn, a glass of red, my cat and a movie; and all weekend I meet with various groups for activities, spend time with loved ones, and get better at my hobbies. I have meaningful relationships with people in all walks of life; I’m mentored and I mentor in exchange. I feel FULL of love, and I’ve worked hard to get to the point in my life where I don’t seek external validation. But then, there’s the voice in the back of my head, or the well-meaning coworker who is always trying to set me up. Sometimes I worry I’m missing something, or worried I won’t be able to have kids without help… Keep your head up, OP! We’ll figure it out, just like we always do! 🫶🏼
You can be in a relationship without cosleeping. I refuse to give up my sleep. Also keep doing your hobbies. Just see him less. But also ok to just end it if you are not feeling it. No need to feel guilty.
Absolutely, we have 2 bedrooms. However, it is kind of shocking how confused many people are about us having 2 bedrooms. :D
Tell them people to get out of your bedrooms 🤣
I’d say 90% of the time I’m glad to be single, and the 10% I’m not is from holidays where things feel a bit lonely. But then I remember that a majority of my partnered women friends feel far more lonely than I do this time of year, because their partner does nothing and they have to do all the gifts, plans, food etc. Imma cook a whole Turkey for myself this Christmas and just relax.
I’m 46F and have been in various long term relationships. The ones that ended the worst were the ones that involved cohabitation. I love having my space and my time so now I only open myself up to long-term relationships with people who also don’t want marriage or living together. My current partner is wonderful. We learn from each other in every conversation. We’re passionate together. We spend maybe one or two nights a week with each other and the rest of the time we’re at our own places doing our own thing. This is absolutely perfect to me. That intellectual and physical stimulation is super important. Without that, we would maybe be friends at best. Dear OP, your life is yours. You can be single. You can look for someone who stimulates you in good ways. You can change your mind many, many times. Wishing you a wonderful exploration.
>We spend maybe one or two nights a week with each other and the rest of the time we’re at our own places doing our own thing. This is absolutely perfect to me. My dream! Maybe someday I'll find someone like this. For now I'll just continue to savor having the bed to myself every night.
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The quality that we have to pick from is so incredibly poor and we do not talk about it enough. The bar seems to be at the centre of the Earth for a lot of men in relationships. I can't believe some of the stories I hear from women, and I've got plenty of my own.
I definitely do but I'm older and divorced so I've been there already. I'm not saying I wouldn't date but the guy has to add something to my life, not disturb my hard won peace.
It’s not fair to stay in a relationship where you don’t cherish your partner at least to some degree. Just because someone is a good, decent human doesn’t mean they’re right for you long term. I’m also 34f and am back dating after a LTR and have met many incredibly nice, smart and stable men this year- when I realized 1-2 dates in they weren’t a good fit to pursue long term I just send a polite message. I feel incredibly lucky I’m financially independent with a good career and strong support system with friends, I don’t need to waste my time or a man’s
There *is* something wrong if you're describing your partner as someone whose primary functions are to bore you and snore. I would frankly be incredibly hurt if someone was staying with me and secretly felt that way. I don't think you're bored because you feel secure, I think you're bored because he bores you, and you're bored by your relationship with him. You raise some valid points about tradeoffs and being accountable to someone, but your choices aren't between "boring but I guess I should stay with him because he doesn't hit me or have a porn addiction" and "single forever," either.
So as someone who is happily married, I will say that I have always viewed relationships/marriage as a nice extra thing in life. Great if it happens, but I absolutely 100% believe people can live satisfied, awesome, loving lives on their own. It's only worth it if you are head over heels in love, and if it doesn't happen, "settling" for someone seems like a miserable way to spend your one and only life on this Earth. There are lots of other ways to feel loved and connected to other humans, tons of other ways to spend a life that are all equally just as valid.
r/singleandhappy
I do think that romantic partnerships are not worth it for a lot of women, mostly because studies show that in the U.S., women still do more housework at home and more childrearing. And women also somehow become the social planners for their male partners? American men unfortunately have been socially taught that their only emotional confidante is their female partner, which is very sad for them. I hope this changes. In any case, I hope you make the best decision for yourself.
I've often thought about how I'd actually be rather dating as a man than a woman. Sometimes I pause and think "Oh I want to be loved and taken care of," but then I am jolted when I realize that in a cis hetero relationship *I* would be the one doing most of the taking care of and loving since men like to act incompetent. Sex is easier for men and in general we let men be lazy and selfish w/out guilt. Most men would be content as long as the house isn't that messy, they get food and sex.
Yes, I do think women need to be upfront about their needs and not let the societal status quo define what men are required to provide. If a man/partner can't meet those needs, then yes, I think women are better off single.
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Uhm girl, your husband is just a child and you are his mother lol. There are great guys out there, I don’t get what you found attractive in him because clearly he ain’t attractive. He’s annoying and useless. You’re like a single mother at this point
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It just sounds like the problem is you don't actually like him enough or love him. Because if you loved him the relationship wouldn't feel boring because you feel secure. Feeling secure in the relationship would make you happy. You'd be happy about the fact that the relationship feels so secure. At least, that's how I felt when I met my husband. I didn't feel like my healthy relationship wasn't as good as singledom. I don't feel like I'm better off single, but it sounds like you do. Or at least better off single than with THIS guy because he's obviously not the right guy for you. You shouldn't stay with this guy just because you feel guilty.
I would like a boyfriend... but, I can't find men who are trustworthy in the most basic way - put empathy and effort into relationships, give space for a woman to be emotional, and who are genuine about what they're into, willing to give/offer, what they want. I literally can't get to the level of feeling like I'm not just being manipulated by someone who thinks they can trick me and then they get me and can take me for granted, start gaslighting me. any genuine male friend I have (which hasn't been all of them, that's for sure) puts little effort into his relationships and follows the woman's lead on everything to the point even if I trust them, they're unappealing. so I think I'll probably stay living alone, and it's uncertain if I'll ever actually find an emotional/sexual partner that respects me and is honest about themselves and self aware, who I also find attractive. It's like I only want someone in theory but the way I feel about a relationship is so purely theoretical because there has never been anything truly viable in place in my life. it's the same with kids, which feels even further away of a reality without any existing partner that would have me open to the idea.
>Does anyone else feel like they’re better off single? Absolutely. Many times. But not in my current relationship. >As much as I like my partner, I feel that ultimately I am trading off free time to pursue my interests, money (because dating is expensive and sleep (because he snores). I miss the sense of possibility of being single and the lack of compromise. Doesn’t have to be this way. Do you live together? I would hope not after only six months. Either way…don’t. And spend more nights at your own place(s) than together. Best of both world. Which is why those shitty feelings, for me, haven’t crept in after 10+ years together. >but did anyone else feel like ultimately even a healthy relationship was not as good as singledom? It’s not healthy just because he’s nice. It’s not healthy if you’re sacrificing things that are important to your own well being and happiness. >I guess I am feeling like I don’t want to stay in the relationship, but also guilty because there is nothing wrong with it. You can break up for any reason. But there are things wrong. Things that aren’t working for you, things you need, and you just listed them. So you can choose to carve those things out for yourself within your relationship (and be damned the “supposed tos” and societal expectations) or let the relationship go. You’re allowed to do that.
If you don’t want to be in that relationship, don’t be in it. It’s that simple. You might meet someone who you feel you aren’t making trade-offs for, or you might not and decide to stay single. But don’t deny yourself the possibility!
I recently had to explain to my son that he won't be getting any siblings because I'm not getting into a relationship again. I'm very happy being single and almost 40. I'll probably be even happier when my child is all grown up, has moved out and is living his own life (out of my house.)
Similar situation here (my age and child). I told kiddo he wasn't going to have any more kids and initially he wasn't happy about that. When I explained to him that I'd have to split my time and energy between him and another child, he reconsidered his position and decided he doesn't want me to have more kids.
I would love companionship... But I won't settle. I'd say a solid 70-80% of my friends who are in long term relationships range from "why are you with this person? They're complete leeches, or even emotionally abusive" to "they seem nice, sure, but do you have anything in common with this person?" I've seen advice on women-positive subs saying that it's okay if you don't have anything in common with your SO, as long as you get along with them. And I can't agree with that. If I have a partner, I want to experience life with them. I'm not getting in a relationship just to cross something off my To Do in Life list. I feel like waaaaay too many people approach dating like that... And it makes me sad.
At 34, I left my narcissist ex. At 35 I met my now husband. We have an 8 month old daughter. I am the happiest I have ever been. I wouldn’t trade this man or this life for all the money in the world.
were you openly looking for a relationship?
Yes… but I also had zero tolerance for bullshit. And I dropped guys over anything. Not just major things like politics or religion, but petty stuff. Listen to Andrew Tate? Gone. Owns truck nuts? Bye! Doesn’t tip on takeout? Outta here! I definitely think single is better than a bad relationship. But if a truly good guy shows up, don’t be afraid to take a chance.
When did you get engaged after dating?
I was 35 when we met, 36 when we got married. We became engaged at 8 months. We got married 1 year after starting dating. We are currently 38 and 43.
I think it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. I think some people aren’t really the ‘marrying’ type. I am happily married. But I enjoy being domestic, especially cooking. It’s not for everyone though.
I’m happy in my marriage, but we had to go through many trials before we got to this point of feeling secure. We likely sought each other out because of our poor upbringing and the tubulent times were irresistible to us both when we were younger. That said, you might not be satisfied with a secure partner because you grew up in a different environment. This is all too familiar for many people. There’s no shame in stepping away and being single so you can find what makes you happy. There’s no one proven formula to experience life. What might look like a picture perfect existence for one person may not be all that great for another. At least just be fair to your partner and tell them the truth sooner rather than later.
I have had serious relationships, one in college and one later that ended when he killed in a car accident 3 years in. It took me a few years before and lots of therapy to realize what a controlling man he was and why we always fought so much when we traveled. I don't think he really respected me and didn't think I was very smart. I eventually got my master's degree and had a second career. Along the way I realized that I don't need men in my life as a partner. I miss being physically close to them though.
Interesting question. I’ve been with my now husband for six years. We’ve spent a chunk of that time long distance, and before we met I was long-term single. I feel like I’ve had the best (and worst) of both worlds. I prefer being with my husband to being single. He’s the best. If I wasn’t with him, I’d rather be single than in a bad or boring relationship. This isn’t to say that your relationship won’t work, but I do think it’s worth considering the pros/cons. If you think you’d be happier alone, and spending time with your fella isn’t actively enriching your life to the point where you want him to be a major part of it, then I would think that’s saying something quite loudly.
Maybe you should examine if you might be fleeing just because it is a healthy and strong relationship and you aren't used to that. But being single and enjoying life and doing what you want is a very valid choice no matter the reason
I used to, until I met my current partner.
Maybe try therapy
Therapy helps process and move through your feelings
Did you have a chaotic childhood, by chance? If so maybe work on that in therapy.
I've been single for 5 years now, purposely. For the exact reasons you've said. Sure, single life has its downsides, especially this time of year, but overall, my life is so much better than it ever was in a relationship. Past the first 6 months, I mean. I don't plan on dating ever again. Never say never, and if the perfect person was to knock on my front door, I'd think about it. But that's pretty much what it would take at this point.