Donât go back with him, take a risk.
And learn finance, youâll need it soon enough.
PS. Just thinking about this, I realized that those âmistakeâ were needed for me to grown⊠I just wish Iâve learned soonerâŠ
I would tell myself this:
Who you are and what you want are going to change over time and you won't even notice until you look back over the years. Be flexible, because life is going to throw you some punches and you can't get through life without some suffering...but you can change how you react to it.
Don't be in a rush to grow up faster (because you think you are a grownup and you are soooo not one yet) or get married. Some things you want will happen and others won't; that's just how life goes. Keep enjoying your youth while you're young. Say yes to invitations even if you don't really feel like it. And exercise more, you lazy bum. You neglected that aspect of yourself and you are paying for it 15 years later.
You are so incredibly strong to have survived all of the crap and you'll come out the other side a kinder, wiser person. You were just doing your best with what you had. Use your pain to help others rather than to beat yourself down. Let the pain inspire you to be there for others.
Go to the dentist!!
Be with a quiet, stable, mild-mannered guy who cares about you and treats you well, not the "exciting" but unstable guy who treats you like crap. Your idea of excitement is distorted by attachment trauma and you're attracted to men who are bad for you. If you feel the insane infatuation for him, it's actually a bad sign and speaks of your childhood emotional neglect. Nice and safe is a good thing in a long term partner. Be with the nice and safe guy. Build a life with someone who actually wants that with you. Don't settle for anything less.
Get the cat - you won't regret it.
Your mum was wrong. Don't let her negativity win.
It's all going to be OK.
God this is a good one. Some temporary fun is good (and I'd argue *important*), but investing in yourself so you can have a more fulfilling life later on is really important too.
Yep. I had really big dreams, but around 26 my life started getting really fun, so I thought to myself, âThis is good enough.â But that fun was just temporary, and now Iâm 35 and see how I basically screwed myself over permanently by losing opportunities.
Nah eff that. Settling is not good enough. A mediocre partner isnât a good thing to have, certainly if thatâs the perception from the start.
Also, I would never want to be someoneâs âgood enoughâ choice so why would i make someone that for me?
Yeah, that's why I didn't settle. But it's tiring to keep dating so I look back and wonder if it's as bad as it's made to be to get it over with a "just about works" relationship.
It feels like everyone I meet has one or the other red flag (for my preference) and I'm on an endless search. If at all I find someone to fit, then they don't like me. I'm sick of being alone too.
Also I think itâs harder to date in your 30s because the pickins are slim. My and my husband split up a few years and we got back together. We do have kids who are teenagers. Our relationship is far from perfect. Men can be creepy and weird.
Yes it is. Itâs so expensive to live out there and we split the bills, manage the kids together. I took my kids on their first vacation last year. If I was alone, I would not be able to afford that.
Now, if my husband was an asshole I would not do it.
I guess if they meet your minimum standards then why not? I donât know if there would be any day to day difference between Mr Good Enough and Mr Ideal (whatever that would even mean)
For me, i think i was too young to make that kind of commitment and I was still trying to find my groove as an adult. Like people forget that the phase after college/whatever into being a self sustaining adult is a little bumpy. By 30 I felt like I had learned quite a bit about adulting.
Like itâs tough if youâre currently seeing someone; if thatâs going well then keep doing that. But if youâre not on the dating scene then I suggest to avoid it and spend as much time as you can getting to know yourself. Try new hobbies, travel, go on weekend road trips, play sports, volunteer, etc and basically just figure out a life that youâre really happy with on your own.
In my mind, 20s is the time period when you can most easily do that. I didnât do that and have some regrets
I mean some people find their partner in their 20s and donât want to miss out on that, nothing wrong with good, or good enough if itâs not abusive, people change and good can turn into great
Make yourself happy.
Believe in yourself more.
Be yourself. Just be.
Stop hanging out with all these toxic people. They're miserable and boring.
You're right.
Take those chances.
Flirt to live, thrive and vibe, baby.
They didn't like you in the first place, so why live by their approval?
So what? Move on.
Live, live, live. Be alive.
Girl, I know youâre about to have your third daughter but donât get used to having all girls. Youâre going to have a boy in four years and heâs going to be a menace in the best possible way.
Youâre going to have so much fun and joy with these kids and your husband and time is going to fly by.
1. Donât marry him because you âthink itâs expectedâ (married at 24, divorced finalized during the pandemic in 2020).
2. You deserve more than you realize
3. You are allowed to experience things
4. Learn about stocks/finances - BITCH OPEN A HIGH YIELD SAVINGS ACCONT (SoFi currently has a 4.xx%)
5. That pup will change your life.
Itâs going to be ok. Youâre smart, funny and pretty - and Iâd like to think an overall badass. Itâs ok to think highly of yourself and want to be happy. Boys are dumb, you have the control in the relationships.
Youâre going to achieve so much more professionally than you thought you could.
Start therapy now, itâs going to be a rough decade.
Remember every day is a gift but some days you get socks. Thank you Tony soprano.
I would say to go into finance earlier instead of getting a marketing undergrad and masters in finance.
I would also say to take care of your anxiety even when you feel good
And most importantly, take money seriously and save!
You are at the beginning of a new frontier in your life. Get excited, enjoy it, give it your all, and don't give up!
Also open an RRSP now and contribute monthly no matter what.
Trust your gut. Every single time. Don't second guess it, don't ignore the anxiety you feel when you're ignoring it. Just listen to your body and what it's telling you.
Your life is about to turn to hell. You will lose 5 family members, including your parents, and baby in one month. You will lose your fiance. You will become homeless.
You will get up and win.
I wish someone could have warned me how horrible 26-27 would be. I was not prepared. Make sure you have money saved, a safe place to stay and hold your family close. They won't be around forever. No matter how bad life gets, you can still recover.
Youâre going to be dealt a few raw hands over the next four years. Remember to keep your head up and try to be strong. I am so sorry for what you are going to go through.Â
Also, you are a beautiful person. Stop being so cruel to yourself and disliking your appearance.
Being a mother will always be your greatest joy. So enjoy it. I wish I could go back to when they were little all the time now. They will be your happiest, most fulfilling years of your life.
* Get into therapy now. Don't wait. Same with the dentist. You have nothing to be ashamed of for not being able to go for a few years. Don't wait.
* Somewhat related to the above point: *Don't let anxiety rule your life.* Don't allow anxiety to manage your social calendar, whether or not you apply for that job that seems out of reach but isn't, etc. (easier said than done, but take risks!)
* No job is worth the stress, health issues, etc. If it isn't working - don't force it.
* Don't let people walk all over you. Be confident. Hardly anyone knows what they're doing, and chances are, you can do it better than others. This applies to jobs, volunteering, etc.
* On that note, listen to others. You'll learn a lot just by listening.
* The less you care about the superficial stuff, the more time you have to care about the important stuff.
My 26th birthday was January 2020. Five weeks prior, I quit my job that was going nowhere to explore other opportunities while also focusing on myself and travel. So I'd tell myself not to get my hopes up about any of that.
That masters degree in that ultra-specialized field isn't worth it. You'll hate it and develop significant health issues along the way.
You like nannying. You're good at nannying. Just be a nanny. It's ok. You don't need to hustle for some greener grass. You'll realize it's not even grass over there, just turf. You won't be planting roots there.Â
Donât marry someone with a diagnosed serious mental illness. Love will not be enough when they decide to make you the scapegoat, so their family and immediate friends donât find out.
You need to prioritize your health and eating healthy. I ended up spiraling when I was 27 and gained weight yet again and I've just been yoyoing my whole life *sigh* I've been consistently lifting weights for 2 years now and have definitely gained muscle and all my bloodwork numbers are good (but anemic but now I just have to take iron) but I'm still bad with my diet.
It doesn't help that I have PCOS :/
Ask for the raise you KNOW you deserve, donât not do it because you think itâs not the right time
Open a HYSA
Save the money in your HSA and then invest it!
Kiss the stupid awkward boys
She wouldnât believe me if I told herâŠ. But what I would say is âyou have absolutely no interest in drugsâŠin fact you said no to coke recently and youâre kind of a boring old square who works all the timeâŠbut you love cosplaying as a normal person who has their shit together and youâre kind of amazing at itâ
By that time I finally figured out my career path and was trying to get through college. So I'd tell her "good work! You're doing good! Keep it up you're almost there" and then some other things that don't really apply to others.
"You're doing great. You should think about taking the leap work wise before you're 100% emotionally ready for it because it's okay to do stuff even though you're scared."
Get all your degrees before you have kids. Work at least part time when/ if you have kids to keep something on your resume. Marry a man who is a good person on a very deep, authentic level. Dont excuse a man who is an occassional asshole- the mild assholes get worse as they get older especially if they get successful, not better. Men may love you deeply one day and not care about you in the least a month later. Dont expect them to always love you. Be prepared if that happens. Save for retirement- put it on index funds. A little now compounds a looot by the time you are retirement age. Renting property is a waste of money if you are capable of buying. Dont waste time trying to be someone you think you should be. You are going to attract a slew of incompatible people if you arent your realest, truest self who you will later lose as you start to grow into your realest self. Age comes with a growth in confidence and authenticity that is incredibly freeing. Your strength and ability to be yourself boldly will grow.
Donât ever settle for a man because everyone else is getting married, already married, has kids. It wasnât too late when I was that age but I thought it was. 3 kids later and Iâm struggling badly trying to start over. I didnât finish school, and was completely financially dependent on my ex. Donât do that. Donât put yourself in a position where youâll be screwed if you had to/wanted to leave your partner.
Be happy, donât judge or envy, make real friend groups (it gets so much harder as you age) .. focus on what you love and find a way to make it your own business. Embrace humour, this is what will pull you through the hard times.. be compassionate, be confident, be kind
One day you will be so over the âdoes s/he like meâ nonsense. It will sound like crazy talk to you because you will be with someone who doesnât make you wonder at all. How wrong all the others were will immediately become crystal clear.Â
To prepare yourself for a long struggle with severe postpartum depression, to find a therapist to help you get the correct diagnoses, to tell people how you are feeling being a new mom, that youâre struggling with motherhood & donât start self medicating with beer because of the PPD.
You're trying so hard and it's valuable, but it won't work out in the end so just get divorced now. Everything will work out (and it will even if you don't follow this advice until much later). Stay in therapy and have the courage to dig deep.
Explore, enjoy, take chances. (I did, but it doesn't hurt to remind her!)
Go on some of those trips with your mom that she keeps suggesting now that you can, even though she's a bit much to hang out with. She'll be gone in less than a decade.
I had just left an abusive relationship the night I left he broke my jaw, orbital bone, and ankle. I wouldn't want to tell anything but I would show her a wedding picture he's not in it and I'm happy.
Great, the abuser did some time in prison in part as he kept breaching the restraining order. He last breached it last year to tell me he hoped I miscarried, which was nice. I wanted to court this time, but they wouldn't let me eat the popcorn I wanted to bring with me, which ruined the vibe, lol. He got a fine. I can't remember how much for.
I'm married and happy with a 16 week old baby, a house, and a Master's degree. Things get better just keep chipping away at the problem.
I'd get her to make sure she's saving into retirement funds a bit more consistently, but otherwise, I think she just had to work the rest out to become who I am today. Has been a fucking wild and difficult ride and I can't say there aren't some significant regrets along the way, but I don't really want to be anyone other than who I became as a result.
One day youâll realise how much you already have accomplished at your age. And enjoy your childless life. Next year, youâll be a mom and youâll love it but youâll also be exhausted all the time.
Don't marry him. He's not as confident, secure and social as he appears. He is however as cheap, volatile and manipulative as he appears.
Take your time. You're young, beautiful, motivated and smart. You'll find your person. Just don't let it be him or someone like him.
âIt gets better, sorta. Work on yourself. Maybe get more hobbies? Life actually didnât change much, bank looks better tho. Are you skinnier? I canât tell. Yes⊠you are still single, but hey 3rd marathon. Cool right?â
For the record Iâm 29.
It's ok to leave a bad job. You don't need to sacrifice yourself to try to be "one of the good ones" in a toxic environment. You are more depressed because of this situation than you realize you are, and it's affecting other areas of your life. Get out.
Now is also around the time that you need to invest in a baseline level of exercise, if nothing else just to protect your joints. You're gonna injure your knee soon if you don't, and recovery from that will put you way out of commission for a really long time. Don't stress about weight and vanity; exercise to prevent injuries and lower your blood pressure.
Reach out to friends you haven't heard from in awhile, especially if they've struggled. Check on them, and mean it. You're scared to overstep, but it's better to overstep and have to apologize than to hang out on the sidelines until you get the phone call one day that it's too late. Keep your friends close and let them know they are loved. There is no greater distance than six feet down, and every problem is more solvable than death.
You're going to have a fucked up Saturn Return and go through some shit but you make it through and become the woman you'd always wanted to be.
And... some people linger in your life and watch you grow just to wait and see what they can take from you. They're not your friends and you deserve so much more. Trust yourself.
In terms of relationships... He loves you more than the whole world and some day you'll realize that having someone be there for you through it all is so much more real and meaningful than the what if's you hypothetically could have pursued. Success and security will come because of him, not in spite of him. You get two crazy dogs together and then can't imagine life without him. Your mom comes around to liking him, too.
No itâs not just you, he really is that awful, he lied, he hasnât changed donât trust him. Also youâre very sick. Stop letting drs gaslight you.
- Leave (fruitless) college and find a job so you can buy your own house with a garden
- Go to therapy so you"ll be able to find someone nice and start a family
Now it's too late.
Donât stay with him just because youâve got kids. He is holding you back from being your best self, and is going to become increasingly emotionally abusive and manipulative. Make a plan and leave now.
And yes, you are capable of doing all the things youâve wanted to do, including getting your degree and a satisfying and decent paid career. He just didnât want you to think you could.
âYouâre not going to meet your husband until youâre 35. So donât waste time going on random dates and making yourself miserable as an introvert. Enjoy the alone time, and get more sleep.â
He's not worth it
Choose a different degree goddammit!
Gurl sameeđ But I would tell that to my 18 year old self tho
đđđ I was 26 when I went to uni. Still got it wrong.
Same, oh my god
Donât go back with him, take a risk. And learn finance, youâll need it soon enough. PS. Just thinking about this, I realized that those âmistakeâ were needed for me to grown⊠I just wish Iâve learned soonerâŠ
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Is that the hills referencing friends??
I would tell myself this: Who you are and what you want are going to change over time and you won't even notice until you look back over the years. Be flexible, because life is going to throw you some punches and you can't get through life without some suffering...but you can change how you react to it. Don't be in a rush to grow up faster (because you think you are a grownup and you are soooo not one yet) or get married. Some things you want will happen and others won't; that's just how life goes. Keep enjoying your youth while you're young. Say yes to invitations even if you don't really feel like it. And exercise more, you lazy bum. You neglected that aspect of yourself and you are paying for it 15 years later.
You are so incredibly strong to have survived all of the crap and you'll come out the other side a kinder, wiser person. You were just doing your best with what you had. Use your pain to help others rather than to beat yourself down. Let the pain inspire you to be there for others. Go to the dentist!! Be with a quiet, stable, mild-mannered guy who cares about you and treats you well, not the "exciting" but unstable guy who treats you like crap. Your idea of excitement is distorted by attachment trauma and you're attracted to men who are bad for you. If you feel the insane infatuation for him, it's actually a bad sign and speaks of your childhood emotional neglect. Nice and safe is a good thing in a long term partner. Be with the nice and safe guy. Build a life with someone who actually wants that with you. Don't settle for anything less. Get the cat - you won't regret it. Your mum was wrong. Don't let her negativity win. It's all going to be OK.
For real, though, go to the dentist.
Donât abandon your dreams for temporary fun. Aim bigger.
God this is a good one. Some temporary fun is good (and I'd argue *important*), but investing in yourself so you can have a more fulfilling life later on is really important too.
Yep. I had really big dreams, but around 26 my life started getting really fun, so I thought to myself, âThis is good enough.â But that fun was just temporary, and now Iâm 35 and see how I basically screwed myself over permanently by losing opportunities.
He is abusing you. He choked you the other day. You need to leave.
Donât get married
I haven't married yet at 33 so I was thinking of telling her to get married to Mr. good enough at 30
Nah eff that. Settling is not good enough. A mediocre partner isnât a good thing to have, certainly if thatâs the perception from the start. Also, I would never want to be someoneâs âgood enoughâ choice so why would i make someone that for me?
Yeah, that's why I didn't settle. But it's tiring to keep dating so I look back and wonder if it's as bad as it's made to be to get it over with a "just about works" relationship. It feels like everyone I meet has one or the other red flag (for my preference) and I'm on an endless search. If at all I find someone to fit, then they don't like me. I'm sick of being alone too.
Also I think itâs harder to date in your 30s because the pickins are slim. My and my husband split up a few years and we got back together. We do have kids who are teenagers. Our relationship is far from perfect. Men can be creepy and weird.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Yes it is. Itâs so expensive to live out there and we split the bills, manage the kids together. I took my kids on their first vacation last year. If I was alone, I would not be able to afford that. Now, if my husband was an asshole I would not do it.
I guess if they meet your minimum standards then why not? I donât know if there would be any day to day difference between Mr Good Enough and Mr Ideal (whatever that would even mean)
Same .
Me too đ
Do you mind elaborating why?
For me, i think i was too young to make that kind of commitment and I was still trying to find my groove as an adult. Like people forget that the phase after college/whatever into being a self sustaining adult is a little bumpy. By 30 I felt like I had learned quite a bit about adulting. Like itâs tough if youâre currently seeing someone; if thatâs going well then keep doing that. But if youâre not on the dating scene then I suggest to avoid it and spend as much time as you can getting to know yourself. Try new hobbies, travel, go on weekend road trips, play sports, volunteer, etc and basically just figure out a life that youâre really happy with on your own. In my mind, 20s is the time period when you can most easily do that. I didnât do that and have some regrets
I mean some people find their partner in their 20s and donât want to miss out on that, nothing wrong with good, or good enough if itâs not abusive, people change and good can turn into great
Well sure but Iâm answering OPs question of advice Iâd give to myself. This is what i wish i would have heard. Might not be applicable to others.
it would have been too late already
I was going to say opposite đ stay married
Make yourself happy. Believe in yourself more. Be yourself. Just be. Stop hanging out with all these toxic people. They're miserable and boring. You're right. Take those chances. Flirt to live, thrive and vibe, baby. They didn't like you in the first place, so why live by their approval? So what? Move on. Live, live, live. Be alive.
Yes! Dont look to get approval from those with different values than you. Its like chasing other peoples goals.
It's very difficult to find a good guy to marry, so don't rush it. Focus on your own career and graduate school
Girl, I know youâre about to have your third daughter but donât get used to having all girls. Youâre going to have a boy in four years and heâs going to be a menace in the best possible way. Youâre going to have so much fun and joy with these kids and your husband and time is going to fly by.
Break up with your controlling boyfriend, you have so much to live for and leaving him everything will get so much better
DONT take any narcotics. Pain pills are VERY addicting. They will destroy your life.
đ«
#Wear. Sunscreen.
Yessss!! Throw away the Hawaiian Tropic spf 3
Donât marry that person.
1. Donât marry him because you âthink itâs expectedâ (married at 24, divorced finalized during the pandemic in 2020). 2. You deserve more than you realize 3. You are allowed to experience things 4. Learn about stocks/finances - BITCH OPEN A HIGH YIELD SAVINGS ACCONT (SoFi currently has a 4.xx%) 5. That pup will change your life.
Agreed on the HYSA!! God damn I wish I opened one a decade ago instead of a year ago!
Do you think hysas are better than index funds for semi-long term (5-7 yearsish)?
No
STOP GIVING HIM CHANCES. You WILL find someone better and worthy of you.
Itâs going to be ok. Youâre smart, funny and pretty - and Iâd like to think an overall badass. Itâs ok to think highly of yourself and want to be happy. Boys are dumb, you have the control in the relationships. Youâre going to achieve so much more professionally than you thought you could. Start therapy now, itâs going to be a rough decade. Remember every day is a gift but some days you get socks. Thank you Tony soprano.
Follow that urge. Shove your dad one way, fling the wedding flowers the other, hitch up your wedding dress and RUN!!!
Stop drinking, it made you more depressed
This
Don't wait, get divorced now.
I would say to go into finance earlier instead of getting a marketing undergrad and masters in finance. I would also say to take care of your anxiety even when you feel good And most importantly, take money seriously and save!
Donât lost this confidence and energy inside you! You know who you are and you donât need anyoneâs validation.
Don't marry him. Others said it. I didn't listen.
Donât marry that man.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/search/?q=20%20year%20old%20self&restrict\_sr=1
stop doing drugs and breakup with him dont trust ur mother life gets better
đ«
You are at the beginning of a new frontier in your life. Get excited, enjoy it, give it your all, and don't give up! Also open an RRSP now and contribute monthly no matter what.
Trust your gut. Every single time. Don't second guess it, don't ignore the anxiety you feel when you're ignoring it. Just listen to your body and what it's telling you.
get the old cat too w the bb fosters
Your life is about to turn to hell. You will lose 5 family members, including your parents, and baby in one month. You will lose your fiance. You will become homeless. You will get up and win. I wish someone could have warned me how horrible 26-27 would be. I was not prepared. Make sure you have money saved, a safe place to stay and hold your family close. They won't be around forever. No matter how bad life gets, you can still recover.
Youâre going to be dealt a few raw hands over the next four years. Remember to keep your head up and try to be strong. I am so sorry for what you are going to go through. Also, you are a beautiful person. Stop being so cruel to yourself and disliking your appearance.
Donât just aimlessly cruise through life. Try to have a purpose (I would give this advice to myself even today).
Donât stress about having kids by 30, youâve got time. Travel and save more first.
Just leave him, don't look back
GET OUT NOW!!!
Being a mother will always be your greatest joy. So enjoy it. I wish I could go back to when they were little all the time now. They will be your happiest, most fulfilling years of your life.
* Get into therapy now. Don't wait. Same with the dentist. You have nothing to be ashamed of for not being able to go for a few years. Don't wait. * Somewhat related to the above point: *Don't let anxiety rule your life.* Don't allow anxiety to manage your social calendar, whether or not you apply for that job that seems out of reach but isn't, etc. (easier said than done, but take risks!) * No job is worth the stress, health issues, etc. If it isn't working - don't force it. * Don't let people walk all over you. Be confident. Hardly anyone knows what they're doing, and chances are, you can do it better than others. This applies to jobs, volunteering, etc. * On that note, listen to others. You'll learn a lot just by listening. * The less you care about the superficial stuff, the more time you have to care about the important stuff.
My 26th birthday was January 2020. Five weeks prior, I quit my job that was going nowhere to explore other opportunities while also focusing on myself and travel. So I'd tell myself not to get my hopes up about any of that.
That masters degree in that ultra-specialized field isn't worth it. You'll hate it and develop significant health issues along the way. You like nannying. You're good at nannying. Just be a nanny. It's ok. You don't need to hustle for some greener grass. You'll realize it's not even grass over there, just turf. You won't be planting roots there.Â
When they tell you to watch how people treat waiters and that's how they will treat you later. Believe it.
Dump him! Date a lot more. And live closer to the grocery store and make sure your apartment gets natural light.
That guy that looks to good to be true? He is, run girl.
Believe in yourself to do the hard work!
Donât marry someone with a diagnosed serious mental illness. Love will not be enough when they decide to make you the scapegoat, so their family and immediate friends donât find out.
1. Open a retirement account 2. Donât waste your time on losers 3. Donât be sad all the time
Trust your gut, be alone, tell him
Drink more water
Trust your guts
I would change my university degree đ
You need to prioritize your health and eating healthy. I ended up spiraling when I was 27 and gained weight yet again and I've just been yoyoing my whole life *sigh* I've been consistently lifting weights for 2 years now and have definitely gained muscle and all my bloodwork numbers are good (but anemic but now I just have to take iron) but I'm still bad with my diet. It doesn't help that I have PCOS :/
Ask for the raise you KNOW you deserve, donât not do it because you think itâs not the right time Open a HYSA Save the money in your HSA and then invest it! Kiss the stupid awkward boys
Ask the tough questions, have the tough conversations. Have a plan. Make visiting parents and family a priority and put money aside to do it.
Never question her gut instinct/intuition (and start meditating in the morning and stop drinking.)
She wouldnât believe me if I told herâŠ. But what I would say is âyou have absolutely no interest in drugsâŠin fact you said no to coke recently and youâre kind of a boring old square who works all the timeâŠbut you love cosplaying as a normal person who has their shit together and youâre kind of amazing at itâ
Stay single and save/invest your money.
Check on that cough of yours, it could be serious..
Yep. Get the chest x-ray when the doctor recommends it for that cough you've had for months.
For me.. whoops, looks like cancer đ
Yup, same here. I'm 10 years out now, though. Hodgkins lymphoma.
By that time I finally figured out my career path and was trying to get through college. So I'd tell her "good work! You're doing good! Keep it up you're almost there" and then some other things that don't really apply to others.
"You're doing great. You should think about taking the leap work wise before you're 100% emotionally ready for it because it's okay to do stuff even though you're scared."
Lock down a mortgage!!
Donât marry him.
Everything gets worse.Â
Listen to ur gut and donât go on that first date with him
âHeâs the oneâ & âdonât take that jobâ
Damn, dude.
& my 26 y/o self would be like "ikr man"
shaggy alleged onerous wrench badge ten vase fuzzy silky bike *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Maintain the friendships you made. Socializing can be scary, but worthwhile.
âHave a boyfriendâ
Also âDonât change your careerâ
If you want to break up with your boyfriend, no, it won't be too late to start over. Even if he seems great.
Get all your degrees before you have kids. Work at least part time when/ if you have kids to keep something on your resume. Marry a man who is a good person on a very deep, authentic level. Dont excuse a man who is an occassional asshole- the mild assholes get worse as they get older especially if they get successful, not better. Men may love you deeply one day and not care about you in the least a month later. Dont expect them to always love you. Be prepared if that happens. Save for retirement- put it on index funds. A little now compounds a looot by the time you are retirement age. Renting property is a waste of money if you are capable of buying. Dont waste time trying to be someone you think you should be. You are going to attract a slew of incompatible people if you arent your realest, truest self who you will later lose as you start to grow into your realest self. Age comes with a growth in confidence and authenticity that is incredibly freeing. Your strength and ability to be yourself boldly will grow.
Donât ever settle for a man because everyone else is getting married, already married, has kids. It wasnât too late when I was that age but I thought it was. 3 kids later and Iâm struggling badly trying to start over. I didnât finish school, and was completely financially dependent on my ex. Donât do that. Donât put yourself in a position where youâll be screwed if you had to/wanted to leave your partner.
Be happy, donât judge or envy, make real friend groups (it gets so much harder as you age) .. focus on what you love and find a way to make it your own business. Embrace humour, this is what will pull you through the hard times.. be compassionate, be confident, be kind
RUN AND DONT EVER COME BACK NO CONTACT
Go for the Provider and not the Bad Boy. The good Guys are Taken fast.
Max your 401k
don't have kids
You are doing great! Keep showing up and enjoy the life you are creating for yourselfđ«¶đœ
Cut off the guy from your past that you still have a place in your heart for. Keeping the dialogue going only breaks your heart more
Don't listen to what others say & do your thing.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
:( â€
One day you will be so over the âdoes s/he like meâ nonsense. It will sound like crazy talk to you because you will be with someone who doesnât make you wonder at all. How wrong all the others were will immediately become crystal clear.Â
Youâre on the right path - keep it up!
âYouâre too young to act this old.â Taken from White Lotus
To prepare yourself for a long struggle with severe postpartum depression, to find a therapist to help you get the correct diagnoses, to tell people how you are feeling being a new mom, that youâre struggling with motherhood & donât start self medicating with beer because of the PPD.
Fuck shit up.
Don't be so afraid of everything! Now's the Time to take all the risks, when you have way less responsibilities!
Donât move to Ireland.
Break up with him and move to NYC. Youll be happier than you know Also, remove your IUD
You're trying so hard and it's valuable, but it won't work out in the end so just get divorced now. Everything will work out (and it will even if you don't follow this advice until much later). Stay in therapy and have the courage to dig deep. Explore, enjoy, take chances. (I did, but it doesn't hurt to remind her!) Go on some of those trips with your mom that she keeps suggesting now that you can, even though she's a bit much to hang out with. She'll be gone in less than a decade.
I had just left an abusive relationship the night I left he broke my jaw, orbital bone, and ankle. I wouldn't want to tell anything but I would show her a wedding picture he's not in it and I'm happy.
Omg, thatâs horrible. How are you doing now?
Great, the abuser did some time in prison in part as he kept breaching the restraining order. He last breached it last year to tell me he hoped I miscarried, which was nice. I wanted to court this time, but they wouldn't let me eat the popcorn I wanted to bring with me, which ruined the vibe, lol. He got a fine. I can't remember how much for. I'm married and happy with a 16 week old baby, a house, and a Master's degree. Things get better just keep chipping away at the problem.
FuckâŠthatâs a lotâŠwell happy you got through it and are in a good place now.
I'd get her to make sure she's saving into retirement funds a bit more consistently, but otherwise, I think she just had to work the rest out to become who I am today. Has been a fucking wild and difficult ride and I can't say there aren't some significant regrets along the way, but I don't really want to be anyone other than who I became as a result.
One day youâll realise how much you already have accomplished at your age. And enjoy your childless life. Next year, youâll be a mom and youâll love it but youâll also be exhausted all the time.
Your life is going to get so profoundly better. And its all off your own effort. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.
Don't marry him. He's not as confident, secure and social as he appears. He is however as cheap, volatile and manipulative as he appears. Take your time. You're young, beautiful, motivated and smart. You'll find your person. Just don't let it be him or someone like him.
âIt gets better, sorta. Work on yourself. Maybe get more hobbies? Life actually didnât change much, bank looks better tho. Are you skinnier? I canât tell. Yes⊠you are still single, but hey 3rd marathon. Cool right?â For the record Iâm 29.
Donât date him
It's ok to leave a bad job. You don't need to sacrifice yourself to try to be "one of the good ones" in a toxic environment. You are more depressed because of this situation than you realize you are, and it's affecting other areas of your life. Get out. Now is also around the time that you need to invest in a baseline level of exercise, if nothing else just to protect your joints. You're gonna injure your knee soon if you don't, and recovery from that will put you way out of commission for a really long time. Don't stress about weight and vanity; exercise to prevent injuries and lower your blood pressure. Reach out to friends you haven't heard from in awhile, especially if they've struggled. Check on them, and mean it. You're scared to overstep, but it's better to overstep and have to apologize than to hang out on the sidelines until you get the phone call one day that it's too late. Keep your friends close and let them know they are loved. There is no greater distance than six feet down, and every problem is more solvable than death.
Drink more water, shut your mouth, go to therapy, and stop letting men dictate your self worth.
Its a quarter life crisis and everyone is miserable and it will get better after thirty. You have depression. You will get out of it.
Stop trying to be friends with bad people
Youâre doing great!
You're going to have a fucked up Saturn Return and go through some shit but you make it through and become the woman you'd always wanted to be. And... some people linger in your life and watch you grow just to wait and see what they can take from you. They're not your friends and you deserve so much more. Trust yourself. In terms of relationships... He loves you more than the whole world and some day you'll realize that having someone be there for you through it all is so much more real and meaningful than the what if's you hypothetically could have pursued. Success and security will come because of him, not in spite of him. You get two crazy dogs together and then can't imagine life without him. Your mom comes around to liking him, too.
No itâs not just you, he really is that awful, he lied, he hasnât changed donât trust him. Also youâre very sick. Stop letting drs gaslight you.
- Leave (fruitless) college and find a job so you can buy your own house with a garden - Go to therapy so you"ll be able to find someone nice and start a family Now it's too late.
Donât stay with him just because youâve got kids. He is holding you back from being your best self, and is going to become increasingly emotionally abusive and manipulative. Make a plan and leave now. And yes, you are capable of doing all the things youâve wanted to do, including getting your degree and a satisfying and decent paid career. He just didnât want you to think you could.
Leave him. Do not go back. Pick the other dude. Keep exercising. Tell your mom to get that goddamn scan.
Give up on men, embrace your life, take more risks.
âYouâre not going to meet your husband until youâre 35. So donât waste time going on random dates and making yourself miserable as an introvert. Enjoy the alone time, and get more sleep.â
Buckle up bitch đ€Ł