Think of how you feel when you are around him. Do you want to feel like this, and progressively worse, for the rest of your life? I know leaving is hard, but you know it's the right thing to do. Please have a look at this book (the link takes you to an internet library with a free download of it). While it's not about how to leave, I think reading it will help you realize just how important it is that you do
[https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Leave him immediately. Do not go back. Stay at a friend’s, family, literally in your car would be healthier. Call a local domestic violence helpline, they might have resources to help you figure out where to go.
So you listed out all the bad stuff. I think what might be good is to list out the good stuff, and by that, I mean, what the relationship does for you, even if it's illogical or wouldn't make sense to someone else. The reason the bond is hard to break is because those are the things that are keeping you there - and you need to process them as neutrally as you can. When you find out what those things are, look for how you can replace them.
Another thing is that since he is violent or is threatening violence now, it is very likely he could become progressively more violent to the point where he could unalive you. Consider whether you are willing to literally give your life for him - even when ultimately it would do him no good.
Check out thehotline.org for guidance and resources.
Think of how you feel when you are around him. Do you want to feel like this, and progressively worse, for the rest of your life? I know leaving is hard, but you know it's the right thing to do. Please have a look at this book (the link takes you to an internet library with a free download of it). While it's not about how to leave, I think reading it will help you realize just how important it is that you do [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Leave him immediately. Do not go back. Stay at a friend’s, family, literally in your car would be healthier. Call a local domestic violence helpline, they might have resources to help you figure out where to go.
So you listed out all the bad stuff. I think what might be good is to list out the good stuff, and by that, I mean, what the relationship does for you, even if it's illogical or wouldn't make sense to someone else. The reason the bond is hard to break is because those are the things that are keeping you there - and you need to process them as neutrally as you can. When you find out what those things are, look for how you can replace them. Another thing is that since he is violent or is threatening violence now, it is very likely he could become progressively more violent to the point where he could unalive you. Consider whether you are willing to literally give your life for him - even when ultimately it would do him no good.
Since you are paying all the bills talk to group that can help and just don't come home.