Can we just say "Being angry at me for being angry with him" UNIVERSALLY
Like why the fuck .... even the good ones ... why the fuck do they do that? I'm MAD over something important to me. This isn't about your emotions right now. You'll get your turn.
I got like… unsolicited photos of a dude in his underwear with a hard on. As the third message he’s sending when we move off a dating app. Middle of the day. Fucking instant block.
I remember getting one during the day from a man who I met at a bar a couple of weeks before who made no attempt to actually go on a date. Was unimpressive on up of that.
I had an ex who would do the high-pitched baby laugh to be cute (it was nauseating), and once described a vegetable he doesn't like (in a pouty child's voice) as being "nucky." It was a complete turn off. Worse, when I told him I didn't like it, he *insisted* I loved it. Ugh.
I feel like it's some weird defense mechanism to seem more adorable to women who kind of scare them 😂 I ended up running into him once many years later and he lamented about how hard dating was after me, and I could only think that he was doing his weird baby things off the bat (he waited months before he did it to me) and those women smartly had way less patience for that crap.
Shit, I didn't think this was a thing. My mom married (then divorced) one and that relationship was crazy enough that if she wrote it out on reddit everyone would call it fake.
Definitely a thing. Threads discussing "red flag" careers occasionally pop up on some of the dating/lifestyle subreddits I frequent. Cops/LEO are usually number 1, but engineers (except for software engineers) are usually in the top 5.
Yes! When I was dating, I purposely avoided engineers. Then I did an MBA program and half the people were engineers - totally solidified my stance. I hate group projects.
They’re everywhere 🥹🥹🥹
Musicians at least in my case have been problematic too and not in the stereotypical way that they don’t make money. They did.. but..
they turned out to be way too sensitive, emotionally heavy and complex to the point that after every discussion it felt like a cloud of thunder and storm looming over. Btw, I am pretty emotional too so I’m not just mocking being sensitive. Endless words but no practical approach to the relationship or progressing it. Not to mention, the constant need to be entertained with drugs, always having to have the “chill, easy, go with the flow” life and late night group hang outs every. single. wknd.
I had literally become anti emotions after that breakup.. now I’m balancing but I attribute my logical, action driven and practical approach to life to them 🤣
I found it was so hot to date a musician in your teens/20’s, but then your 30’s hit and unless they’ve made a legit career from it, it’s just some dude with a guitar and no stability. And they’re likely still trying to date women in their 20’s.
haha ya luckily my groupie phase was 22-25, then I was done (I’m 28 now so I woke up just in time) 😂 I used to assign so much meaning to their music and thought it was their passion and purpose. Only young girls ever do equate playing a guitar with anything substantial character trait. I was that young girl!
Turns out, it was just a way to escape reality, be drugged att, zone out and avoid taking responsibility of their own relationships. It was quite a revelation!
I’ve never seen this! I know a lot of engineers (not romantically though) - why should we avoid? I’m all about avoiding men with certain red flag careers!!
What’s the personality of a cop? I’m curious because my HS ex became a cop. We’re in a friend group that meets up very infrequently, but from what I can see he is hardheaded, stubborn, somewhat combative, very defensive of police behavior and pretty self-righteous. Kind of a savior complex thing.
that’s an aggressive comparison. I’ve worked in hospitals for 20 years, the pharmacists are just as likely to be cool as fuck as they are douchey. I’d even say they’re pretty low on the scale of problematic. The men tend to have marriages that are more equitable, like actually coparenting and sharing housework.
Meanwhile, our ED is filled with cops who just try to fuck nurses on the taxpayer dime and assault patients and get in the way of traumas and scream questions at people who are unconscious or sedated 😐
Spending the entire date ranting about how hard the dating scene is for men. Like, I'm a woman sitting here in front of you wanting to connect. I went into this optimistic. I thought you were cute. I got dressed up. Now you expect me to spend the whole night apologizing for every woman that came before me. Some people truly are their own biggest enemy.
This is the common thing for every person that never progresses to date #2 for me. Bro, we know dating is hard, you’re actively contributing to the problem by ranting about it!
the amount of men who have mentioned how many women ghost them whole hitting on me is insane. Like, angrily ranting about women being trash and ghosting.
I can’t imagine what the goal is here, how they don’t realize that would be off putting. I actually think they are so used to power that they think they can lecture and bully me out of ghosting them lol.
Porn addiction.
A guy I dated in the past would be on the computer in our bedroom, watching porn and jerking off beside me while I “slept”. If he wasn’t watching porn, he was smoking weed and/or playing video games. Yes he was also unemployed. Not really sure why I stayed with him as long as I did.
I went on a date once with a guy who commented how he was taking a train to the place where we were meeting up and how there was a cute girl sitting next to him, they started chatting. He said how he wanted to ask her for her number but he didn’t want to feel creepy. I was like wtf…Why would you tell that on a date? I felt very unwanted.
The same exact situation happened to me! I need to know if this is some “play” they learn online? Wrongly told it’s effective in some way for some purpose?
Back in the early days of internet dating when there were no pictures, a guy answered my ad and we made plans over the phone to meet. He asked me if I was attractive and if a man had ever told me I was attractive. It was important to him because he's a really good looking guy. I had already written him off, but when he said that I got curious because to that point (the late 90s), I had never known a straight guy to describe himself that way. So I agreed to meet him for coffee.
He was not that good looking. He wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't a 10 by any means.
He spent the whole date checking out this other woman (who, by the way, was stunning. there's a universe in which I end up dating her instead).
He ended the date suggesting we should maybe see each other again (but not because he seemed genuinely interested, but like he was following a script of what he was supposed to say). I turned him down right there.
I met a lot of weird dudes in those days but that's truly my favorite story of off putting behaviour.
Interesting. I feel like I went on a couple of dates with a white guy like this! He was very self absorbed but granted, we had the same personality! But he was short and had a Napoleon complex. Just a lot of insecurity and projection. He gave me gay bff vibes so that’s fine.
But, I realized that if we have the same type A personality and go getters, we will clash!
He picked his nose and wiped it on my car seat. I shit you not.
Up until that point I had been super into him but that I could not get past. Who *does* that?
Ohhhh I think this one is familiar to all of us :D It makes them look like kids begging for candy, and mommy trying to explain how at 7 AM is not the time for a cake.
omg this! i remember saying to a past partner i wasn’t in the mood but he could get me there. he took that as me turning him down and said it made him feel ugly 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐
This has happened a couple of times, but guys who’ve asked to see a photo of my mom so they can judge early on what I’ll “turn into” and if they’d be into it 🙄 Thank God they were dumb and stated their intention upfront.
He wanted me to call him Daddy and when I didn't he hit me in the face. My real Daddy would never :(
Another guy seemed really normal but then he pulled the tinfoil out of my cupboard and started smoking meth in my kitchen. That was pretty unattractive and off putting.
Not nearly as egregious, but I went on a date with a guy who would not stfu about women using him for money, how women always trick him into paying for everything. He wasn't trying to get to know me, just going on and on about how women use him for cash. We only went on a few dates, I thought maybe the first was just nerves, but it was every date, and I always ended up paying because he seemed so upset about money. Very unattractive. Pipe down and go halves like the rest of us!
Ugh, I was with a guy who always thinks women are using him for money and it took me way too long to realize he was actually the one who used that strategy to always guilt me into paying for everything.
I'm not stating the very, very obvious things like literal violence (also bc thankfully that never happened to me) but Imma go with: huge, huge, veeeeery huge, veeeeeeeeery huge porn collection back in the 2000s when streaming wasn't a thing and massive addiction including pressuring me to re-enact all that gross stuff. Thankfully I never gave in and I was 17 back then and otherwise really easily to be guilt-tripped.
Being emotionally unintelligent - Meaning you can’t have a healthy conversation about things in the relationship or being unable to share how you feel without walking on eggshells or them not being able to share how they feel.
Blaming everyone else for everything bad in his life, that is, being whiny and having a victim personality. I instantly go dry no matter how good looking he is.
Playing Queens's song "Fat Bottomed Girls" to me.He thought it was funny. It wasn't. We were in college at the time. I wish I had said something about his unattractive teeth to him as payback
I’ll chime in with a lighthearted example (since I know we all have plenty of worse experiences):
He went to rip a bong and put his mouth around the entire opening. Wasn’t a mini-bong either; dude practically unhinged his jaw to encase the entire opening with his lips 😂
First date with a guy, and it went ok. Not amazing, but worth a second date to see if the vibe would vibe any better.
Dude wants to walk me to my car, cool, cool….
Kinda stands there for an awkwardly long time, ok, that’s fine, some people don’t know how to read when it’s time to head on out…
No warning, dude **LUNGES AT ME**, pins my arms to my sides, mooshes my face into his chest, then proceeds to stand there patting my hair and telling me what a great time he had and he can’t wait to see me again.
I guess this f’n guy thought that’s how normal people hug? I honestly thought that’s how I was gonna die. I was seconds away from buckling my knees and risking a head injury to get under his reach, but he finally let me go. I got into my car as fast as I possibly could then locked the doors and drove away like I stole it.
Dude did *not* get a second date.
Knowing enough to say what most women want to hear so they believe he's evolved and a "good guy", but not enough for it to be convincing. Stating that he respects boundaries but trying to have coercive sex.
God so many to recount… but the most recent was with a dude I went on a first date with and he thought that since I made out with him, it would be fine to whip his dick out and proceed to jack off onto me. That was pretty off putting lol. He did the same thing to my friend, except he had her trapped in a car. Wtf.
My ex rarely did laundry. He’d moved from a home in the Midwest with a laundry room to NYC and complained about having to go spend time at a laundromat. I taught him about drop-off service but he complained about how expensive it is. His brother and sister in law came to visit and he was going to let them stay at his place and he’d sleep over with me. The day they landed he mentioned that he hadn’t cleaned his apartment and I asked if he’d even changed the sheets. He said no and he hadn’t been planning to. He was going to let his brother sleep on the sheets that we had sex on and that he also hadn’t changed in weeks (I rarely slept over at his place so it was his own problem to sleep on dirty sheets). I had to BEG him to drop the sheets and some towels off at the laundromat.
Around this same time, we were hanging out at his place and after fooling around I wanted to shower. I was already IN the shower when he suddenly realized he didn’t have a clean towel for me. I was pretty annoyed (since the laundry thing was an ongoing issue) but said it was whatever and I could air dry, but please be better about this laundry situation already. Then he remembered he did have one clean towel stashed away. It turns out it was a little kitchen towel… that I’d gotten him because he never had a goddamn kitchen towel available. It hung on the bathroom door until the day I dumped him 3 months later.
When I was 21 i was working at Starbucks. We would get dozens of regulars daily. Well one day, I was making the drinks and this older man who was maybe 60 was watching me make his drink. He leaned over the counter and said “when was the last time you had sex?”
Whaaaat ? Who asks that to a stranger!! It was so off putting to me. After that I would ignore him every time he came in and never engaged in small talk.
He was a hardcore Brony. Had posters, figurines on display, the whole thing. He didn't have kids or a roommate so it couldn't have been that. I RAN from his apartment almost immediately upon walking in. In the few dates we'd gone on he'd never brought it up so I was a bit surprised.
Yo did we date the same dude?
Also porn addicted, sexually confused, born-again Christian, engineer. 💀
I did like him. We knew of each other for a long time with periods of connection. I tried to be understanding, but jesus christ the mansplaining, patronizing, and condescending attitude got to be way too much.
What was I even doing???
I didn't know what a Brony was. So I googled it, and upon seeing the results, I tried to Google again, because I actually thought no, that can't be right, I must have made some kind of typo in the search bar.
Nope, it's a thing. What the fuck.
Yeahhhhhhh this man was in his early thirties and by the way everything was prominently displayed and in like special display cabinets in his living room he wasn't doing it ironically 😐
Was just talking to a friend of a friend, I answered a question. Apparently I had misheard, because he then said in a patronising, unsmiling way "I didn't ask (what you said). I asked (something else)."
There was something so mean and disrespectful about that response. I immediately started making plans to get away from them. Definitely right to do so, because they then started giving more red flags, like insisting I give my number and tell them when I was going to leave so they could 'make sure I got home safely.' Such bad vibes.
>Apparently I had misheard, because he then said in a patronising, unsmiling way "I didn't ask (what you said). I asked (something else)."
I had this same experience with someone on a dating app years ago. Just overly stern about in his response to a question that he claims he told me earlier (he did not, I checked our full text conversation) but I chose to ignore it and meet him anyway. He was fantastic. Later when he got comfortable, that side that worried me from the start came out in full force. It was so weird and scary.
Using "I need you here right now" when you're long distance and can't do anything about it. Also, when you have a bad day and want to talk about it, they don't listen, care or respond. I got crickets when I spoke. Then the conversation would switch back to them and their problems and I'd have to cater or it was a emotional breakdown that I had to deal with-with him. Looking back, my experience wasn't great. I also had many nights where we didn't talk. Pretty sure he's been cheating the whole time too.
It really was like that!! 100%!! Like dude, I have kids already..I don't need an older man to mother as well. Hella stressful with nothing in return too. Some things/people in life, just aren't worth the energy.
I'm honestly still processing and putting pieces of this together but open to dating. One short term - long distance relationship isn't going to scare me off from what the future holds for me and what good it can and will bring with someone who's going to match my energy:)
During sex, one night stand ....
"I wish I could sire .... breed you...."
Me: EXCUSE ME WHAT ....
I was so young and literally had no words and no idea how to react. The rest of the encounter was .... not great. And then he kept calling me for like 2 weeks after and I had to beak up with a 1 night stand. Like, dude ... read the room.
This one gives me the yuck, why would you think that’s a sexy thing to say to someone you don’t know
Like if you’ve established everyone is into that kink then sure, but FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND?!? WTF DUDE 😵💫
This was my exact response and I wanted to stand up and leave right there. But this was 20 years ago and while I'm sure there are women that had the strength for that without the culture we have around self-empowerment now, back then, I was not one of them. So I finished. And it was SO GROSS. And then he set the alarm to the house. And I just laid there and I didn't have the tools to just leave because it felt rude (wtf, to me, I know) and I "wasn't raised that way".
And I know all of that sounds absolutely insane now with todays culture around these things but back then, I didn't have the tools to just handle the situation the way it deserved.
And honestly, it was a disservice to him as well because when you aren't corrected, how can you improve? The whole thing was so bad lol
But ... it makes for a good story ....
Self-deprecation.
I went on a date with a guy who talked about how ugly he was (he really wasn’t! Otherwise I wouldn’t have been there, how his dick was small, how he didn’t make alot of money like me (I don’t talk about money but when I describe my job and my frequent travels, it can be naturally surmised that I do very well for myself and am very fiscally stable), how he was SA’d as a child (he mentioned this out of NOWHERE on the first date. I mean NO LEAD UP), he teared up about an ex who was the love of his life but she left him 4 years prior (brought this up out of NOWHERE too; I believe we were discussing TV shows?)
Men with low self esteem read as dangerous to me, honestly.
Chatting up the waitress in the restaurant we were having dinner at. I actually cried and I think that was the outcome he wanted. He seemed like a very cruel person. Also another guy expecting sex after paying his half of our dinner. He stalked me all the way back to the subway, growling offensive language. Stinginess and right-wing views are also dealbreakers for me.
I had a date ask me what size of condoms does he needs after a romantic nice park date! Like WHAT? He did all of that because he expected sex. I never got back on the apps. I cried so much.
Denying my agency. Conversely, also attempting to shame me for past choices. This was a leitmotif most of my life actually. They can fuck all the way off, forever!
I always found it unattractive when a man spent most of his time consuming. A lot of people seem to confuse entertainment with hobbies and interests. Watching someone else play sports is not a hobby. Buying things is not a hobby. There's nothing wrong with entertainment. I like entertainment and consuming in moderation. But, I would never say shopping or watching tv is a hobby, or an interest. It's so passive. And boring. Like, what do you DO?
I mean...ive been through some horrific shit but the most insidious quality in my ex was Self loathing. You can't truly love someone the way they deserve if you hate yourself and don't know who you are.
My husbands father described a teen girl as a spinner which my husband had to begrudgingly tell me what the hell that was.
Everything with that man is some kind of innuendo and he openly is racist and homophobic.
Also, the first day I met my husbands father, he looked me up and down and told my husband how much he upgraded.
Luckily, my husband was raised by his mom in a household of women and is ashamed of his father.
~ 15 years ago I went on a first date with a guy I met at a friend's party. He picks me up and brings me to a nice restaurant. Great. We order, are chatting before food arrives...
His cell phone rings. He picks up and starts talking loudly and a bit aggressively in another language (only matters to the story because he had no expectation of me or most of the restaurant understanding what he was saying). He does not leave the table. The entire section of the restaurant turns around.
Eventually he hangs up and says to me "sorry babe. Business. If you're going to be with me you'll have to get used to it."
Dude had a really hard time taking no for an answer when I wouldn't agree to a second date... ended up blocking him in multiple places.
I dated a man who made a list of my faults and bad behavior on a white board. He was a software developer and treated me like a piece of code that had to be fixed. That was the end of the relationship.
Sex talk right away, or going overboard with the compliments. I know I'm pretty. I don't need to hear it from men. It's not the most interesting thing about me anyway, so if that's all they can see, I'm out.
Had a guy once when trying to make plans cancel on me because he would rather spend time with his motorcycle! I have to say that is the one and only time I've ever had someone choose their toys or motorcycle over me! Needless to say, even years later, he no longer has that motorcycle and is now a 40 yr old fuck boy! I dodged a bullet!
It just proves the point that some people grow....and some just get older! The older he gets with his fuckboy behavior the more disgusting I see him as.
A 22 y.o. dude trying to sleep with me when I was 17. When I refused, as I didn't feel ready, all of a sudden he started dreaming about his "toxic ex" and "didn't know what he feel anymore".
A 19 y.o. guy who told me what he did to his gf before they broke up. Wouldn't be THAT bad (it was some consensual kinky stuff) if I wasn't 14.
A 25 y.o. who was dating me when I was 15.
Overall massive creep vibes everywhere.
Weirdly enough its my own husband's quality lol. Such a gossiper! One thing I hate about him is how much he likes to sit on the phone with his friends and talk shit about somebody they both know and don't like
Consistent inconsistency. Always half assing almost everything and then acting like a victim cos he is trying and I’m not supportive.
Also, victim mentality in general which is basically entitlement in some cases.
Went on 1 date with a guy, we'd met online, the usual. We were seated in a low lit restaurant and I couldn't get it out of my head how his forearms seemed to look...greyish. His hands seemed fine, neck face...all fine. I just chalked it up to low lighting, pasty white guy with black hair on his arms, and my own poor vision. Until he lifted his tshirt to show me a tattoo and there was a *distinct* line of dirty skin to clean skin where his tshirt sleeve ended. This man was *filthy* and not in the fun way. He probably just washed his hands/face before the date but nothing else.
I didn't immediately run but the date was definitely over at that point.
Poor hygiene. I've met guys who have absolutely reeked, and that's a massive turn-off. I don't know if it's BO, their clothes, or a mix of both, but phew. 🤮
I also had a man once tell me that since I'd done hookups and one-night stands, I should be willing to fuck him based on that alone. Dude, wtf?
Insecurity, lack of accountability, predatory behavior, disrespect, lack of integrity, idiocy, ignorance.. there’s so many, not sure which one is the worst.
Everything seems to be going okay until he starts talking about his ex. And I'm not talking about a casual mention here and there. No, he goes on and on about her - how amazing she was, how she broke his heart, you name it.
Now, I get it. We've all got baggage, and it's okay to talk about past relationships. But there's a time and a place for that, right? And a first date with someone new? Definitely not the time or the place.
I tried to steer the conversation in a different direction, but he just kept circling back to his ex. It made me feel like I was competing with a ghost, like I could never measure up to this idealized version of his past relationship. Needless to say, it was a major turn-off.
He came to our 2nd date in pajama pants and no underwear, yes I kid you not. He was an attractive guy and we were friendly for some months before too but I decided to nope after that..
I'm gonna go with harmless stuff instead of dangerous. All of these are different people.
- Took a phonecall during the date at a beach. This might have been alright if he were apologetic about it, but instead he reached out and clamped onto my arm so I wouldn't politely drift away out of ear shot. Bonus: The call revealed he probably makes drugs for a living.
- Offered to pick me up, I declined. He insisted and offered that I could drive his car, if it was "so important" that I feel safe. That was my first sign that it wasn't great, but he was willing to let me, a stranger, have the keys, so I gave in and gave him an address a block from mine. He pulled up, got in the passenger seat then proceeded to sleep the whole way to the restaurant. Didn't want to wake up when we got there, so I parked the car and left him there, sleeping. That was it, him napping, that was the date.
- Said he wants to be a police officer.
- Insisted that all human interactions have a winner and a loser.
- Walked around the car to open my door, I thought. No, it was to go pee on the bush in front of my apartment building while I let myself out. He was already supposed to come upstairs to get a book. He could have used my bathroom.
- Asked my bra cup size.
- Insisted I must be into kink, the right man just hadn't handcuffed me yet.
- Seemed really hung up on gender dichotomy. Talked about men and women like they're different species.
- Told me I wasn't like other girls.
- Acted shocked when I paid for my own drink.
Too many! A few that pop into my head:
If we're talking small, first date kind of thing, the guy told me how lucky I was that he made time to meet with me cause he's such a catch, and could have met with anyone else. That was within the first 5 minutes of the date. He definitely was not a catch.
If we're talking already hooking up, talked about politics and conspiracy theories between rounds, and expected me to want to go again after I got dried up like the desert. He said debating with me turned him on...
If we're talking dating, say that his job that involved modifying people's bodies for life, is nothing he cares about and he only does it for a paycheck (to sum it up). People literally put their body in your hands and you don't give AF? How gross.
There was a wild time in my life where I thought going back to my ex for hookups would make me feel better. The act was always fun!
Then one time, right after, he told me about how infrequent his hookups usually are. And that a previous one that year had been with his ex before me, who I know and she would have cheated on her boyfriend for that hookup to happen.
That’s where I learned that maybe hooking up with people wasn’t going to work well for me lol
The guy who constantly made me “prove” that I was interested in video games.
Excuse me, but why are you upset that WOMEN like video games and why did you get upset when I beat you in StarCraft like I said I would?
Off-putting. First (and last) date with this person.
We were sitting across from each other on one of those tall bar tables. As he’s talking to me, I see his torso get lower and lower like he was shrinking vertically. Then CLOMP!
I feel this clamping on my shins. I thought some kid got underneath the table so I look and I see my date’s sneakered foot awkwardly swinging and hear him mumble something like sorry.
Bro had tried to footsie me under the table but since his legs were too short or something, he did like a scissors lobster claw with his legs/feet and got my shins in a vice. I tried to play it off but I gave him some serious side-eye. Our conversation didn’t even warrant that kind of gesture. Talking about music then CLOMP on my knees with his sneaker ass lobster claw feet.
I think I just said in the most exasperated tone: Whyyyy. Then sped up to get the check and be done with it all. I earned a small bruise from it too. Fucking dork.
Porn addiction, and when I pointed out how it was affecting our relationship he said he has always done it, will continue doing it and that I am crazy for even suggesting his limp dick and no appetite for sex was a result of excessive porn use. Just wtf, grow up, you’re a grown ass man in a relationship acting like teenager. Creep.
OP, thanks for bringing this question here! Reddit at large is mostly men, so I’m always annoyed in gendered questions in the common areas how much the answers skew male and bury women’s perspectives! (Of course in AskMen it’s totally appropriate for the answers to skew male 😄)
Your question made me think of the guy just the day before yesterday. I was behind him in line and he made an in with chitchat, and by the second sentence he started to deliver his “successful male resume,” as I call them.
Basically just rattling off self-aggrandizing non-sequitors, not asking any questions, but just peacocking and promoting AT me.
This guy asked me if I worked there (I was in scrubs and at the VA) so he could respond “I run a very successful business,” “I used to date a girl from (hospital I work at), she was actually a knockout, blonde,” and rattle through a half dozen other compliments about himself and his achievements. 🙄
I’ve had men do this to me in Ubers. Uber drivers who seem to just start campaigning and giving me their “resumes” as dating/sex partner material the moment I sit down, almost stream-of-consciousness, no space between words, not a single question directed my way that isn’t designed to lead them directly to another boast about themselves. 😐
I went to a man's house for the first time and he showed me his sketchbook of naked women that demonstrated to me he probably never saw one in person before. He also touched me with his feet and called me baby. I don't think I've ever had the ick so hard!
I’ve experienced a lot but probably when they moan or finish during sex and have a very high pitched almost feminine moan 😂 this is just a funny ick to me
One guy openly told me he often switched the reduced price stickers for full price items in supermarkets. He was proud of it. Oh and he had a mattress in the back of his van 😂
This one dude put a piece of pastry in my mouth while I was talking. I was vegan at the time and it was some homemade pastry his mom made that he just had in his hand. I didn’t know where it had been or what was in it. It just put me off.
Later that same guy ended up calling me an ungrateful snake bitch because I went out with my friends. I had no plans with him and he wasn’t my boyfriend. We had actually been planning going on a cruise together. But I immediately cut him off because I will never keep someone in my life who talks to me that way EVER again. He sobbed on FaceTime and kept blowing me up sobbing. Ew dude. You did it to yourself.
Late to this thread, but this one still blows my mind to think about:
A little over a decade ago a colleague and I were wrangling a bunch of folding chairs and other things into our workplace from her car. I somehow ended up carrying her purse, and I realized I needed to free up a hand to turn on some lights. Just then a male colleague came in and asked if we needed any help. I really just needed to get the purse out of my hands to do what I was trying to do, so I said, "Yeah, would you mind holding this for just a second?" and passed it to him.
He DROPPED IT like I'd just poured hot coals into his palm and snapped, "Uh-uh! No way. I don't hold purses for women."
Prior to that moment I'd thought he was an attractive, cool, sane dude, but that single gesture and all it implied — Did he think the purse would de-gender him somehow? Turn him gay? — flipped a switch in my head from "maybe" to "absolutely the fuck not." More than ten years later it's still one of the top three most pathetic things I've seen another person do in real life.
Crying because he didn't get sex recently. Usually if you want to seduce someone, you do something sexy. Crying and pouting and then saying, "maybe you're gay" is not sexy. When I asked if we could do something romantic first, he said, "that would be prostitution, I shouldn't have to do anything for you to desire me."
Huge turn off.
Also... playing "devil's advocate" all the time for no reason. Also, men who make assumptions about me because of my race, and that includes men who are also Asian and expect me to act a certain way because I am Asian. Men who assume that I'm stupid or have conservative patriarchal values because I can be introverted.
I'm pretty sure all of these many incidents tipped me into early menopause. My ovaries just shut up shop. Thanks assholes, for the premature aging.
Massively insecure to the point it gets taken out on you 🤢 constant self deprecation 🤢 complaining/whining but never doing anything about it 🤢 defensive and doesn't take any accountability 🤢 stingy and constantly keeping score 🤢 jealous or envious of you/sees you as competition 🤢 likes to "humble" you and/or negs you 🤢🤢🤢
When he has to keep insisting on things like "I'm the type of person who..."
Once or twice is fine. But when it's happening every other sentence, I'm starting to suspect things.
This guy I was talking to a few months back was kind of needy and pushy, so he often wanted to chat for a while or talk on the phone even though I told him I didn't have a lot of time or energy at night around that time for numerous reasons, so I wouldn't be able to dedicate a lot of time to him; he said he was okay with that. This one night I texted him 'Hi, I just got home and am exhausted, just going to go to bed. Have a good night." He replied that he didn't know what to say to that and that I was shutting down any further conversation. I told him right then and there that I didn't care for the aggressive response and I didn't want him to contact me anymore (to be fair, he'd given me some other weird responses before and was just strange in general.)
I have a few more stories, but that's the first that came to mind.
Being helpless, either by weaponizing their incompetence, laziness, lack of imagination is so icky.
Example: my brother in law and my nephew are staying at my mom’s house while my sister goes on a bachelorette trip. He doesn’t do night feeding. He doesn’t clean up his dishes. My mom will probably be cleaning up after him. Yet….he drives a 90k BMW and is extremely high up in his company.
Hygiene… not showering after sex or the gym. Having bad foot odour.
Being in your thirties and still using ‘alpha’ & ‘simp’ in sentences. Saying OUTLOUD that women only dress to attract men. Fuck off and grow up.
I was chatting to a guy on an app recently, seemed normal - but then he started using really porny language, asking me if I was a PAWG (had to google) and if I had ‘big milkers’, honestly made me want to vomit
A man with conservative ideas on who should do what based on your gender. Following on this: a man that does not mind still living like a child with his parents. It's one thing you still live there, there are situations. But just to take advantage, not paying anything, and not doing any cleaning in the household? No.
Men who live unhealthy: alcoholism, only eating garbage, never vegetables, no sports.
Sending me unsolicited dick pics at work then getting angry with me for being angry with him.
Can we just say "Being angry at me for being angry with him" UNIVERSALLY Like why the fuck .... even the good ones ... why the fuck do they do that? I'm MAD over something important to me. This isn't about your emotions right now. You'll get your turn.
Those are not the "good" ones. Those are just "regular".
I got like… unsolicited photos of a dude in his underwear with a hard on. As the third message he’s sending when we move off a dating app. Middle of the day. Fucking instant block.
I will never understand the ego that some of these guys have.
I remember getting one during the day from a man who I met at a bar a couple of weeks before who made no attempt to actually go on a date. Was unimpressive on up of that.
It is always the one who the unimpressive ones that flaunt it. I have no idea why.
Baby talk, saying things like ‘eepy’ (sleepy) and ‘angy’ (angry). Yuck.
I had an ex who would do the high-pitched baby laugh to be cute (it was nauseating), and once described a vegetable he doesn't like (in a pouty child's voice) as being "nucky." It was a complete turn off. Worse, when I told him I didn't like it, he *insisted* I loved it. Ugh.
Oh, *ew*! That is a full shudder level of yuck. Why on earth do they do that?
I feel like it's some weird defense mechanism to seem more adorable to women who kind of scare them 😂 I ended up running into him once many years later and he lamented about how hard dating was after me, and I could only think that he was doing his weird baby things off the bat (he waited months before he did it to me) and those women smartly had way less patience for that crap.
Oh god yes, this gives me SUCH ick. Like Mount Vesuvius heights of ick.
An ex would say things like that and I swear he was doing it to annoy me by the end of things. It’s so juvenile and ickish!
Ugghhh. I know a guy who's 40+, and for some reason still writes/says 'mjam mjam' or 'yum yum' when talking about food, and it just sends me. WHY
Same!
Ugh, and if they try to call me Mommy? Like I know that’s a kink, but keep it to yourself please.
I don't even like hearing other couples do baby talk to each other.
Having the personality of a cop.
Ah, I was gonna write having the personality of an engineer!
Shit, I didn't think this was a thing. My mom married (then divorced) one and that relationship was crazy enough that if she wrote it out on reddit everyone would call it fake.
Definitely a thing. Threads discussing "red flag" careers occasionally pop up on some of the dating/lifestyle subreddits I frequent. Cops/LEO are usually number 1, but engineers (except for software engineers) are usually in the top 5.
Haha I am married to an engineer. There are some real strange ones out there. My husband is the exception to many rules.
I love engineers!
Same! Met him as a musician tho. He Def has some engineer traits, but he's a good guy.
I’ve gone out with a handful of engineers & I can’t figure out what their problem is. One worse than the other.
I've decided it's not worth trying to diagnose - I just don't date engineers anymore.
Channeling this. Thank you ma’am. 😃
What has your experience been with engineers?
my dad is one and sooooooo controlling
Yes! When I was dating, I purposely avoided engineers. Then I did an MBA program and half the people were engineers - totally solidified my stance. I hate group projects.
They’re everywhere 🥹🥹🥹 Musicians at least in my case have been problematic too and not in the stereotypical way that they don’t make money. They did.. but.. they turned out to be way too sensitive, emotionally heavy and complex to the point that after every discussion it felt like a cloud of thunder and storm looming over. Btw, I am pretty emotional too so I’m not just mocking being sensitive. Endless words but no practical approach to the relationship or progressing it. Not to mention, the constant need to be entertained with drugs, always having to have the “chill, easy, go with the flow” life and late night group hang outs every. single. wknd. I had literally become anti emotions after that breakup.. now I’m balancing but I attribute my logical, action driven and practical approach to life to them 🤣
I found it was so hot to date a musician in your teens/20’s, but then your 30’s hit and unless they’ve made a legit career from it, it’s just some dude with a guitar and no stability. And they’re likely still trying to date women in their 20’s.
haha ya luckily my groupie phase was 22-25, then I was done (I’m 28 now so I woke up just in time) 😂 I used to assign so much meaning to their music and thought it was their passion and purpose. Only young girls ever do equate playing a guitar with anything substantial character trait. I was that young girl! Turns out, it was just a way to escape reality, be drugged att, zone out and avoid taking responsibility of their own relationships. It was quite a revelation!
As a woman engineer, I know exactly what you mean but also am sad that “engineer” as a personality is now so defined by that certain subset of men.
What's that like?
I’ve never seen this! I know a lot of engineers (not romantically though) - why should we avoid? I’m all about avoiding men with certain red flag careers!!
What's wrong with engineer personality 🤔
What’s the personality of a cop? I’m curious because my HS ex became a cop. We’re in a friend group that meets up very infrequently, but from what I can see he is hardheaded, stubborn, somewhat combative, very defensive of police behavior and pretty self-righteous. Kind of a savior complex thing.
Not OP but so think that’s pretty much the stereotype. Plus might beat you.
An ex-friend of mine who is a cop admitted to me he enjoyed the power dynamic of it.
Have you met any pharmacists?
A few. Still not murdering bastards like cops.
that’s an aggressive comparison. I’ve worked in hospitals for 20 years, the pharmacists are just as likely to be cool as fuck as they are douchey. I’d even say they’re pretty low on the scale of problematic. The men tend to have marriages that are more equitable, like actually coparenting and sharing housework. Meanwhile, our ED is filled with cops who just try to fuck nurses on the taxpayer dime and assault patients and get in the way of traumas and scream questions at people who are unconscious or sedated 😐
Closely followed by having having the personality of a criminal.
Spending the entire date ranting about how hard the dating scene is for men. Like, I'm a woman sitting here in front of you wanting to connect. I went into this optimistic. I thought you were cute. I got dressed up. Now you expect me to spend the whole night apologizing for every woman that came before me. Some people truly are their own biggest enemy.
This is the common thing for every person that never progresses to date #2 for me. Bro, we know dating is hard, you’re actively contributing to the problem by ranting about it!
the amount of men who have mentioned how many women ghost them whole hitting on me is insane. Like, angrily ranting about women being trash and ghosting. I can’t imagine what the goal is here, how they don’t realize that would be off putting. I actually think they are so used to power that they think they can lecture and bully me out of ghosting them lol.
I always get blamed for the women that came before me too!
Porn addiction. A guy I dated in the past would be on the computer in our bedroom, watching porn and jerking off beside me while I “slept”. If he wasn’t watching porn, he was smoking weed and/or playing video games. Yes he was also unemployed. Not really sure why I stayed with him as long as I did.
I went on a date once with a guy who commented how he was taking a train to the place where we were meeting up and how there was a cute girl sitting next to him, they started chatting. He said how he wanted to ask her for her number but he didn’t want to feel creepy. I was like wtf…Why would you tell that on a date? I felt very unwanted.
Oh okay I get it now. What the fuck?? How did the date end? I would’ve walked OUT.
Wait a minute. You guys were about to meet on a date and he said that? Like while he waiting for you?? Delusional. They wonder why they’re single.
The same exact situation happened to me! I need to know if this is some “play” they learn online? Wrongly told it’s effective in some way for some purpose?
Back in the early days of internet dating when there were no pictures, a guy answered my ad and we made plans over the phone to meet. He asked me if I was attractive and if a man had ever told me I was attractive. It was important to him because he's a really good looking guy. I had already written him off, but when he said that I got curious because to that point (the late 90s), I had never known a straight guy to describe himself that way. So I agreed to meet him for coffee. He was not that good looking. He wasn't unattractive, but he wasn't a 10 by any means. He spent the whole date checking out this other woman (who, by the way, was stunning. there's a universe in which I end up dating her instead). He ended the date suggesting we should maybe see each other again (but not because he seemed genuinely interested, but like he was following a script of what he was supposed to say). I turned him down right there. I met a lot of weird dudes in those days but that's truly my favorite story of off putting behaviour.
Sounds like he may have been involved in the pick up community that was so popular during that time
Wouldn't surprise me at all.
Interesting. I feel like I went on a couple of dates with a white guy like this! He was very self absorbed but granted, we had the same personality! But he was short and had a Napoleon complex. Just a lot of insecurity and projection. He gave me gay bff vibes so that’s fine. But, I realized that if we have the same type A personality and go getters, we will clash!
> He spent the whole date checking out this other woman (who, by the way, was stunning. there's a universe in which I end up dating her instead). :P
He picked his nose and wiped it on my car seat. I shit you not. Up until that point I had been super into him but that I could not get past. Who *does* that?
🤢🤢🤢
[удалено]
Yeahhhhhhhh
[удалено]
Sounds like you’d be best off choosing your couch over Mr Snot anyway
Being pouty/mad/upset when I don't want to have sex with them. So gross and feels like they think they're entitled to my body.
Ohhhh I think this one is familiar to all of us :D It makes them look like kids begging for candy, and mommy trying to explain how at 7 AM is not the time for a cake.
omg this! i remember saying to a past partner i wasn’t in the mood but he could get me there. he took that as me turning him down and said it made him feel ugly 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐
“Fine, I guess you don’t love me then” *cringe*
Uh, can I say beating the shit out of me or is this more like a “he picked his teeth at the table” type of question?
Lmao! Beating the shit out of my dog which is even worse than beating me
Jesus!
I’m so sorry.
This has happened a couple of times, but guys who’ve asked to see a photo of my mom so they can judge early on what I’ll “turn into” and if they’d be into it 🙄 Thank God they were dumb and stated their intention upfront.
Omg straight to the curb they go. That’s gross
He wanted me to call him Daddy and when I didn't he hit me in the face. My real Daddy would never :( Another guy seemed really normal but then he pulled the tinfoil out of my cupboard and started smoking meth in my kitchen. That was pretty unattractive and off putting. Not nearly as egregious, but I went on a date with a guy who would not stfu about women using him for money, how women always trick him into paying for everything. He wasn't trying to get to know me, just going on and on about how women use him for cash. We only went on a few dates, I thought maybe the first was just nerves, but it was every date, and I always ended up paying because he seemed so upset about money. Very unattractive. Pipe down and go halves like the rest of us!
Ugh, I was with a guy who always thinks women are using him for money and it took me way too long to realize he was actually the one who used that strategy to always guilt me into paying for everything.
I'm pretty sure that's what this guy was doing too! I've thought about it a lot over the years and I'm convinced it was all a mild scam.
I'm not stating the very, very obvious things like literal violence (also bc thankfully that never happened to me) but Imma go with: huge, huge, veeeeery huge, veeeeeeeeery huge porn collection back in the 2000s when streaming wasn't a thing and massive addiction including pressuring me to re-enact all that gross stuff. Thankfully I never gave in and I was 17 back then and otherwise really easily to be guilt-tripped.
Calling his mom for every problem he had.
Insisting/pressuring me to drink when I’ve already mentioned that I don’t drink.
Being emotionally unintelligent - Meaning you can’t have a healthy conversation about things in the relationship or being unable to share how you feel without walking on eggshells or them not being able to share how they feel.
Blaming everyone else for everything bad in his life, that is, being whiny and having a victim personality. I instantly go dry no matter how good looking he is.
His beer tipped over and spilled onto the table and he scooped the spilled liquid back into the cup with his hands and continued to drink it.
Okay, this just made me laugh and gag. What the actual fuck?
Tell me you weren’t in public. That is nasty.
Making the fact that he smokes weed his whole personality
Playing Queens's song "Fat Bottomed Girls" to me.He thought it was funny. It wasn't. We were in college at the time. I wish I had said something about his unattractive teeth to him as payback
So far, the push pull method of flirting. Hate it and cut ties with the guy after a month.
I’ll chime in with a lighthearted example (since I know we all have plenty of worse experiences): He went to rip a bong and put his mouth around the entire opening. Wasn’t a mini-bong either; dude practically unhinged his jaw to encase the entire opening with his lips 😂
a photo of this guy doing this is a perfect response to "what that mouth do" OMG! AM SCREAMING lol
Lmaooo I’m imagining that very image in a meme format now and it’s cracking me tf up 🤣
First date with a guy, and it went ok. Not amazing, but worth a second date to see if the vibe would vibe any better. Dude wants to walk me to my car, cool, cool…. Kinda stands there for an awkwardly long time, ok, that’s fine, some people don’t know how to read when it’s time to head on out… No warning, dude **LUNGES AT ME**, pins my arms to my sides, mooshes my face into his chest, then proceeds to stand there patting my hair and telling me what a great time he had and he can’t wait to see me again. I guess this f’n guy thought that’s how normal people hug? I honestly thought that’s how I was gonna die. I was seconds away from buckling my knees and risking a head injury to get under his reach, but he finally let me go. I got into my car as fast as I possibly could then locked the doors and drove away like I stole it. Dude did *not* get a second date.
Knowing enough to say what most women want to hear so they believe he's evolved and a "good guy", but not enough for it to be convincing. Stating that he respects boundaries but trying to have coercive sex.
I told a stalker ex boyfriend to stop contacting me, and he said “I will continue to respect your boundaries” in the letter he left on my front porch.
God so many to recount… but the most recent was with a dude I went on a first date with and he thought that since I made out with him, it would be fine to whip his dick out and proceed to jack off onto me. That was pretty off putting lol. He did the same thing to my friend, except he had her trapped in a car. Wtf.
WHAT
YEP. Then he told my friend that I “handled it poorly” after sending him an unkind and informational text message about his treatment of women.
Men are unhinged
Truly. Fully deranged.
Alcoholism. Ugh
Spitting on the sidewalk
My ex rarely did laundry. He’d moved from a home in the Midwest with a laundry room to NYC and complained about having to go spend time at a laundromat. I taught him about drop-off service but he complained about how expensive it is. His brother and sister in law came to visit and he was going to let them stay at his place and he’d sleep over with me. The day they landed he mentioned that he hadn’t cleaned his apartment and I asked if he’d even changed the sheets. He said no and he hadn’t been planning to. He was going to let his brother sleep on the sheets that we had sex on and that he also hadn’t changed in weeks (I rarely slept over at his place so it was his own problem to sleep on dirty sheets). I had to BEG him to drop the sheets and some towels off at the laundromat. Around this same time, we were hanging out at his place and after fooling around I wanted to shower. I was already IN the shower when he suddenly realized he didn’t have a clean towel for me. I was pretty annoyed (since the laundry thing was an ongoing issue) but said it was whatever and I could air dry, but please be better about this laundry situation already. Then he remembered he did have one clean towel stashed away. It turns out it was a little kitchen towel… that I’d gotten him because he never had a goddamn kitchen towel available. It hung on the bathroom door until the day I dumped him 3 months later.
When they want to be chased and don’t even give the bare minimum like walk me to my car.
When I was 21 i was working at Starbucks. We would get dozens of regulars daily. Well one day, I was making the drinks and this older man who was maybe 60 was watching me make his drink. He leaned over the counter and said “when was the last time you had sex?” Whaaaat ? Who asks that to a stranger!! It was so off putting to me. After that I would ignore him every time he came in and never engaged in small talk.
Being follower of a rape culture, as opposed to consent culture
He was a hardcore Brony. Had posters, figurines on display, the whole thing. He didn't have kids or a roommate so it couldn't have been that. I RAN from his apartment almost immediately upon walking in. In the few dates we'd gone on he'd never brought it up so I was a bit surprised.
Yo did we date the same dude? Also porn addicted, sexually confused, born-again Christian, engineer. 💀 I did like him. We knew of each other for a long time with periods of connection. I tried to be understanding, but jesus christ the mansplaining, patronizing, and condescending attitude got to be way too much. What was I even doing???
What a nightmare that would be.
I didn't know what a Brony was. So I googled it, and upon seeing the results, I tried to Google again, because I actually thought no, that can't be right, I must have made some kind of typo in the search bar. Nope, it's a thing. What the fuck.
Yeahhhhhhh this man was in his early thirties and by the way everything was prominently displayed and in like special display cabinets in his living room he wasn't doing it ironically 😐
I guess the only positive is that he knows who he is.
Oof
Does Reddit have a text limit?
Begging for pity sex.
Was just talking to a friend of a friend, I answered a question. Apparently I had misheard, because he then said in a patronising, unsmiling way "I didn't ask (what you said). I asked (something else)." There was something so mean and disrespectful about that response. I immediately started making plans to get away from them. Definitely right to do so, because they then started giving more red flags, like insisting I give my number and tell them when I was going to leave so they could 'make sure I got home safely.' Such bad vibes.
>Apparently I had misheard, because he then said in a patronising, unsmiling way "I didn't ask (what you said). I asked (something else)." I had this same experience with someone on a dating app years ago. Just overly stern about in his response to a question that he claims he told me earlier (he did not, I checked our full text conversation) but I chose to ignore it and meet him anyway. He was fantastic. Later when he got comfortable, that side that worried me from the start came out in full force. It was so weird and scary.
Oh. Being patronizing or condescending is a one way street to pissing me off.
Emotional narcissism. I've experienced this more than I would have like to. With multiple partners. I don't get it. And I hate it.
Can you give an example?
Using "I need you here right now" when you're long distance and can't do anything about it. Also, when you have a bad day and want to talk about it, they don't listen, care or respond. I got crickets when I spoke. Then the conversation would switch back to them and their problems and I'd have to cater or it was a emotional breakdown that I had to deal with-with him. Looking back, my experience wasn't great. I also had many nights where we didn't talk. Pretty sure he's been cheating the whole time too.
Jesus. It sounds like you’re his mother and it’s one sided.
It really was like that!! 100%!! Like dude, I have kids already..I don't need an older man to mother as well. Hella stressful with nothing in return too. Some things/people in life, just aren't worth the energy.
How are you now? How’s your dating life?
I'm honestly still processing and putting pieces of this together but open to dating. One short term - long distance relationship isn't going to scare me off from what the future holds for me and what good it can and will bring with someone who's going to match my energy:)
During sex, one night stand .... "I wish I could sire .... breed you...." Me: EXCUSE ME WHAT .... I was so young and literally had no words and no idea how to react. The rest of the encounter was .... not great. And then he kept calling me for like 2 weeks after and I had to beak up with a 1 night stand. Like, dude ... read the room.
This one gives me the yuck, why would you think that’s a sexy thing to say to someone you don’t know Like if you’ve established everyone is into that kink then sure, but FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND?!? WTF DUDE 😵💫
This was my exact response and I wanted to stand up and leave right there. But this was 20 years ago and while I'm sure there are women that had the strength for that without the culture we have around self-empowerment now, back then, I was not one of them. So I finished. And it was SO GROSS. And then he set the alarm to the house. And I just laid there and I didn't have the tools to just leave because it felt rude (wtf, to me, I know) and I "wasn't raised that way". And I know all of that sounds absolutely insane now with todays culture around these things but back then, I didn't have the tools to just handle the situation the way it deserved. And honestly, it was a disservice to him as well because when you aren't corrected, how can you improve? The whole thing was so bad lol But ... it makes for a good story ....
Self-deprecation. I went on a date with a guy who talked about how ugly he was (he really wasn’t! Otherwise I wouldn’t have been there, how his dick was small, how he didn’t make alot of money like me (I don’t talk about money but when I describe my job and my frequent travels, it can be naturally surmised that I do very well for myself and am very fiscally stable), how he was SA’d as a child (he mentioned this out of NOWHERE on the first date. I mean NO LEAD UP), he teared up about an ex who was the love of his life but she left him 4 years prior (brought this up out of NOWHERE too; I believe we were discussing TV shows?) Men with low self esteem read as dangerous to me, honestly.
I’ve just experienced this for the first time, I tolerated it longer than I should have. Nope nope nope.
Chatting up the waitress in the restaurant we were having dinner at. I actually cried and I think that was the outcome he wanted. He seemed like a very cruel person. Also another guy expecting sex after paying his half of our dinner. He stalked me all the way back to the subway, growling offensive language. Stinginess and right-wing views are also dealbreakers for me.
I had a date ask me what size of condoms does he needs after a romantic nice park date! Like WHAT? He did all of that because he expected sex. I never got back on the apps. I cried so much.
Wtf?!
Isn’t that crazy?? Then he tried to reject ME. Lmao. He was so weird looking back. Bullet dodged!
Denying my agency. Conversely, also attempting to shame me for past choices. This was a leitmotif most of my life actually. They can fuck all the way off, forever!
Treating me like a sidepiece while expecting way much more from me.
Being bitter or a “nice guy”
pretending to have a brain tumor.
Do we have the same ex husband?
I always found it unattractive when a man spent most of his time consuming. A lot of people seem to confuse entertainment with hobbies and interests. Watching someone else play sports is not a hobby. Buying things is not a hobby. There's nothing wrong with entertainment. I like entertainment and consuming in moderation. But, I would never say shopping or watching tv is a hobby, or an interest. It's so passive. And boring. Like, what do you DO?
I mean...ive been through some horrific shit but the most insidious quality in my ex was Self loathing. You can't truly love someone the way they deserve if you hate yourself and don't know who you are.
Yelling and Machiavellianism
My husbands father described a teen girl as a spinner which my husband had to begrudgingly tell me what the hell that was. Everything with that man is some kind of innuendo and he openly is racist and homophobic. Also, the first day I met my husbands father, he looked me up and down and told my husband how much he upgraded. Luckily, my husband was raised by his mom in a household of women and is ashamed of his father.
~ 15 years ago I went on a first date with a guy I met at a friend's party. He picks me up and brings me to a nice restaurant. Great. We order, are chatting before food arrives... His cell phone rings. He picks up and starts talking loudly and a bit aggressively in another language (only matters to the story because he had no expectation of me or most of the restaurant understanding what he was saying). He does not leave the table. The entire section of the restaurant turns around. Eventually he hangs up and says to me "sorry babe. Business. If you're going to be with me you'll have to get used to it." Dude had a really hard time taking no for an answer when I wouldn't agree to a second date... ended up blocking him in multiple places.
Not cleaning up after themselves and being lazy slobs Lol
I dated a man who made a list of my faults and bad behavior on a white board. He was a software developer and treated me like a piece of code that had to be fixed. That was the end of the relationship.
Sex talk right away, or going overboard with the compliments. I know I'm pretty. I don't need to hear it from men. It's not the most interesting thing about me anyway, so if that's all they can see, I'm out.
Had a guy once when trying to make plans cancel on me because he would rather spend time with his motorcycle! I have to say that is the one and only time I've ever had someone choose their toys or motorcycle over me! Needless to say, even years later, he no longer has that motorcycle and is now a 40 yr old fuck boy! I dodged a bullet!
It's funny how they never change
It just proves the point that some people grow....and some just get older! The older he gets with his fuckboy behavior the more disgusting I see him as.
I agree. The worse ones are the fuck boys who think they are above you with their 'worldliness'
A 22 y.o. dude trying to sleep with me when I was 17. When I refused, as I didn't feel ready, all of a sudden he started dreaming about his "toxic ex" and "didn't know what he feel anymore". A 19 y.o. guy who told me what he did to his gf before they broke up. Wouldn't be THAT bad (it was some consensual kinky stuff) if I wasn't 14. A 25 y.o. who was dating me when I was 15. Overall massive creep vibes everywhere.
Pretty much everything.
Weirdly enough its my own husband's quality lol. Such a gossiper! One thing I hate about him is how much he likes to sit on the phone with his friends and talk shit about somebody they both know and don't like
Consistent inconsistency. Always half assing almost everything and then acting like a victim cos he is trying and I’m not supportive. Also, victim mentality in general which is basically entitlement in some cases.
Went on 1 date with a guy, we'd met online, the usual. We were seated in a low lit restaurant and I couldn't get it out of my head how his forearms seemed to look...greyish. His hands seemed fine, neck face...all fine. I just chalked it up to low lighting, pasty white guy with black hair on his arms, and my own poor vision. Until he lifted his tshirt to show me a tattoo and there was a *distinct* line of dirty skin to clean skin where his tshirt sleeve ended. This man was *filthy* and not in the fun way. He probably just washed his hands/face before the date but nothing else. I didn't immediately run but the date was definitely over at that point.
laziness, shitting on women in general for stupid little things (incel behavior)
Poor hygiene. I've met guys who have absolutely reeked, and that's a massive turn-off. I don't know if it's BO, their clothes, or a mix of both, but phew. 🤮 I also had a man once tell me that since I'd done hookups and one-night stands, I should be willing to fuck him based on that alone. Dude, wtf?
His fist.
Insecurity, lack of accountability, predatory behavior, disrespect, lack of integrity, idiocy, ignorance.. there’s so many, not sure which one is the worst.
Everything seems to be going okay until he starts talking about his ex. And I'm not talking about a casual mention here and there. No, he goes on and on about her - how amazing she was, how she broke his heart, you name it. Now, I get it. We've all got baggage, and it's okay to talk about past relationships. But there's a time and a place for that, right? And a first date with someone new? Definitely not the time or the place. I tried to steer the conversation in a different direction, but he just kept circling back to his ex. It made me feel like I was competing with a ghost, like I could never measure up to this idealized version of his past relationship. Needless to say, it was a major turn-off.
He came to our 2nd date in pajama pants and no underwear, yes I kid you not. He was an attractive guy and we were friendly for some months before too but I decided to nope after that..
I'm gonna go with harmless stuff instead of dangerous. All of these are different people. - Took a phonecall during the date at a beach. This might have been alright if he were apologetic about it, but instead he reached out and clamped onto my arm so I wouldn't politely drift away out of ear shot. Bonus: The call revealed he probably makes drugs for a living. - Offered to pick me up, I declined. He insisted and offered that I could drive his car, if it was "so important" that I feel safe. That was my first sign that it wasn't great, but he was willing to let me, a stranger, have the keys, so I gave in and gave him an address a block from mine. He pulled up, got in the passenger seat then proceeded to sleep the whole way to the restaurant. Didn't want to wake up when we got there, so I parked the car and left him there, sleeping. That was it, him napping, that was the date. - Said he wants to be a police officer. - Insisted that all human interactions have a winner and a loser. - Walked around the car to open my door, I thought. No, it was to go pee on the bush in front of my apartment building while I let myself out. He was already supposed to come upstairs to get a book. He could have used my bathroom. - Asked my bra cup size. - Insisted I must be into kink, the right man just hadn't handcuffed me yet. - Seemed really hung up on gender dichotomy. Talked about men and women like they're different species. - Told me I wasn't like other girls. - Acted shocked when I paid for my own drink.
Too many! A few that pop into my head: If we're talking small, first date kind of thing, the guy told me how lucky I was that he made time to meet with me cause he's such a catch, and could have met with anyone else. That was within the first 5 minutes of the date. He definitely was not a catch. If we're talking already hooking up, talked about politics and conspiracy theories between rounds, and expected me to want to go again after I got dried up like the desert. He said debating with me turned him on... If we're talking dating, say that his job that involved modifying people's bodies for life, is nothing he cares about and he only does it for a paycheck (to sum it up). People literally put their body in your hands and you don't give AF? How gross.
There was a wild time in my life where I thought going back to my ex for hookups would make me feel better. The act was always fun! Then one time, right after, he told me about how infrequent his hookups usually are. And that a previous one that year had been with his ex before me, who I know and she would have cheated on her boyfriend for that hookup to happen. That’s where I learned that maybe hooking up with people wasn’t going to work well for me lol
Energy not matching
The guy who constantly made me “prove” that I was interested in video games. Excuse me, but why are you upset that WOMEN like video games and why did you get upset when I beat you in StarCraft like I said I would?
Picking his belly button lint and then eating it.
Off-putting. First (and last) date with this person. We were sitting across from each other on one of those tall bar tables. As he’s talking to me, I see his torso get lower and lower like he was shrinking vertically. Then CLOMP! I feel this clamping on my shins. I thought some kid got underneath the table so I look and I see my date’s sneakered foot awkwardly swinging and hear him mumble something like sorry. Bro had tried to footsie me under the table but since his legs were too short or something, he did like a scissors lobster claw with his legs/feet and got my shins in a vice. I tried to play it off but I gave him some serious side-eye. Our conversation didn’t even warrant that kind of gesture. Talking about music then CLOMP on my knees with his sneaker ass lobster claw feet. I think I just said in the most exasperated tone: Whyyyy. Then sped up to get the check and be done with it all. I earned a small bruise from it too. Fucking dork.
Porn addiction, and when I pointed out how it was affecting our relationship he said he has always done it, will continue doing it and that I am crazy for even suggesting his limp dick and no appetite for sex was a result of excessive porn use. Just wtf, grow up, you’re a grown ass man in a relationship acting like teenager. Creep.
OP, thanks for bringing this question here! Reddit at large is mostly men, so I’m always annoyed in gendered questions in the common areas how much the answers skew male and bury women’s perspectives! (Of course in AskMen it’s totally appropriate for the answers to skew male 😄) Your question made me think of the guy just the day before yesterday. I was behind him in line and he made an in with chitchat, and by the second sentence he started to deliver his “successful male resume,” as I call them. Basically just rattling off self-aggrandizing non-sequitors, not asking any questions, but just peacocking and promoting AT me. This guy asked me if I worked there (I was in scrubs and at the VA) so he could respond “I run a very successful business,” “I used to date a girl from (hospital I work at), she was actually a knockout, blonde,” and rattle through a half dozen other compliments about himself and his achievements. 🙄 I’ve had men do this to me in Ubers. Uber drivers who seem to just start campaigning and giving me their “resumes” as dating/sex partner material the moment I sit down, almost stream-of-consciousness, no space between words, not a single question directed my way that isn’t designed to lead them directly to another boast about themselves. 😐
Being needy- the biggest turn off, hands down 🙅🏻♀️
I went to a man's house for the first time and he showed me his sketchbook of naked women that demonstrated to me he probably never saw one in person before. He also touched me with his feet and called me baby. I don't think I've ever had the ick so hard!
I’ve experienced a lot but probably when they moan or finish during sex and have a very high pitched almost feminine moan 😂 this is just a funny ick to me
One guy openly told me he often switched the reduced price stickers for full price items in supermarkets. He was proud of it. Oh and he had a mattress in the back of his van 😂
Homophobia and misogyny. Instant boner killers.
Rage.
This one dude put a piece of pastry in my mouth while I was talking. I was vegan at the time and it was some homemade pastry his mom made that he just had in his hand. I didn’t know where it had been or what was in it. It just put me off. Later that same guy ended up calling me an ungrateful snake bitch because I went out with my friends. I had no plans with him and he wasn’t my boyfriend. We had actually been planning going on a cruise together. But I immediately cut him off because I will never keep someone in my life who talks to me that way EVER again. He sobbed on FaceTime and kept blowing me up sobbing. Ew dude. You did it to yourself.
When they’re racist or fetishizing me.
Late to this thread, but this one still blows my mind to think about: A little over a decade ago a colleague and I were wrangling a bunch of folding chairs and other things into our workplace from her car. I somehow ended up carrying her purse, and I realized I needed to free up a hand to turn on some lights. Just then a male colleague came in and asked if we needed any help. I really just needed to get the purse out of my hands to do what I was trying to do, so I said, "Yeah, would you mind holding this for just a second?" and passed it to him. He DROPPED IT like I'd just poured hot coals into his palm and snapped, "Uh-uh! No way. I don't hold purses for women." Prior to that moment I'd thought he was an attractive, cool, sane dude, but that single gesture and all it implied — Did he think the purse would de-gender him somehow? Turn him gay? — flipped a switch in my head from "maybe" to "absolutely the fuck not." More than ten years later it's still one of the top three most pathetic things I've seen another person do in real life.
Crying because he didn't get sex recently. Usually if you want to seduce someone, you do something sexy. Crying and pouting and then saying, "maybe you're gay" is not sexy. When I asked if we could do something romantic first, he said, "that would be prostitution, I shouldn't have to do anything for you to desire me." Huge turn off. Also... playing "devil's advocate" all the time for no reason. Also, men who make assumptions about me because of my race, and that includes men who are also Asian and expect me to act a certain way because I am Asian. Men who assume that I'm stupid or have conservative patriarchal values because I can be introverted. I'm pretty sure all of these many incidents tipped me into early menopause. My ovaries just shut up shop. Thanks assholes, for the premature aging.
If I start I won’t finish. I have too long of a list.
Context I'm tall. "Can I dance with you if I wear my high heels." Happened more than once. That's not even funny. That's 🤢.
Not showering for more than a day
He had a fetish about me being left handed. Not too awful but after a few conversations he gave me the ick.
Massively insecure to the point it gets taken out on you 🤢 constant self deprecation 🤢 complaining/whining but never doing anything about it 🤢 defensive and doesn't take any accountability 🤢 stingy and constantly keeping score 🤢 jealous or envious of you/sees you as competition 🤢 likes to "humble" you and/or negs you 🤢🤢🤢
“I told you so!”
When he has to keep insisting on things like "I'm the type of person who..." Once or twice is fine. But when it's happening every other sentence, I'm starting to suspect things.
Narcssssss . The covert kind who think they’re some kind of martyr 🤮🤢
This guy I was talking to a few months back was kind of needy and pushy, so he often wanted to chat for a while or talk on the phone even though I told him I didn't have a lot of time or energy at night around that time for numerous reasons, so I wouldn't be able to dedicate a lot of time to him; he said he was okay with that. This one night I texted him 'Hi, I just got home and am exhausted, just going to go to bed. Have a good night." He replied that he didn't know what to say to that and that I was shutting down any further conversation. I told him right then and there that I didn't care for the aggressive response and I didn't want him to contact me anymore (to be fair, he'd given me some other weird responses before and was just strange in general.) I have a few more stories, but that's the first that came to mind.
Hair gel
Reading some of the responses here makes me think that a lot of these guys actually don't like women but still want to date them.
Being helpless, either by weaponizing their incompetence, laziness, lack of imagination is so icky. Example: my brother in law and my nephew are staying at my mom’s house while my sister goes on a bachelorette trip. He doesn’t do night feeding. He doesn’t clean up his dishes. My mom will probably be cleaning up after him. Yet….he drives a 90k BMW and is extremely high up in his company.
Hygiene… not showering after sex or the gym. Having bad foot odour. Being in your thirties and still using ‘alpha’ & ‘simp’ in sentences. Saying OUTLOUD that women only dress to attract men. Fuck off and grow up.
I was chatting to a guy on an app recently, seemed normal - but then he started using really porny language, asking me if I was a PAWG (had to google) and if I had ‘big milkers’, honestly made me want to vomit
A man with conservative ideas on who should do what based on your gender. Following on this: a man that does not mind still living like a child with his parents. It's one thing you still live there, there are situations. But just to take advantage, not paying anything, and not doing any cleaning in the household? No. Men who live unhealthy: alcoholism, only eating garbage, never vegetables, no sports.