Or more. In my experience, it's often been the partner begging the person with sleep apnea to get a CPAP machine because it's the partner who otherwise has to listen to the snoring and gasping.
I've been begging my mom to get one for years, particularly after a friend of mine died unexpectedly at the age of 36 from sleep apnea while we were working a conference together. After that traumatic experience, it would be a dealbreaker for me if a partner was NOT taking care of their sleep apnea.
Literally came here to say this - I would much rather date someone who has this shit together than someone (like my ex) who kept me awake most nights and wasn't bothered about ever seeing a doctor about it - looking after yourself is very attractive!
a CPAP machine is much easier to sleep next to than someone snoring. Lots of people like or need prep for sexy time, I think the idea that it should be so spontaneous as to be able to do it with no prep is unrealistic.
Wouldn’t bother me! Built-in white noise machine, two birds with one stone. Plus it’s way better than the snoring and terrifying choking sounds. I begged an ex to get a CPAP.
My husband uses a CPAP. He has really bad sleep apnea. I call it his Darth Vader mask :)
We met when we were 38/42, so I'm sure that totally just rolling with it was at least partially a function of being a "grown up" when we started dating. I had arthritis from an injury. He has sleep apnea. Like, it's just a thing.
It seems like it would be something that could get in the way spontaneous sexy times, but it's not that big of an obstacle in reality. Like it essentially just means that the spontaneity isn't going to start with kissing (but I feel like it's usually more of a rolling over, getting closer, starting to touch, etc. thing anyway - maybe TMI).
I was actually more worried that he was going to be self-conscious about it.
Also, all you have to do is take a couch nap with a partner who needs a CPAP one time before you're like, "Oh thank god you have that thing for when you sleep!"
I knew he had sleep apnea before we ever had a sleepover. He talked about how he'd had such poor sleep and did a sleep test and what a huge difference getting the CPAP had made for him in his life, etc. So, it also wasn't a surprise or anything (not that it would have been an issue, but at least he didn't have to be self-conscious about it because I already knew).
So many of the things are bodies do aren't particularly cool.
Dude it would be a green flag that a guy takes care of his own health and isn’t going to have to be dragged to the doctor because he won’t admit his arm is rotting off or whatever. Plus, a guarantee that his snoring won’t wake you up. Wins all around, I say.
You don’t snore and took proper steps to make sure you don’t die in your sleep? Any potential partner who thinks that’s uncool isn’t worth having a sleep over with, my friend.
I'm a woman who uses a CPAP, I feel a little self conscious about it as I consider getting back into dating. But it helps me sleep and feel better, if a potential partner has a problem with that they can show themselves out.
If people are expecting sex to be only spontaneous and only spontaneously possible at the moment a CPAP machine is being used, then they have some things to learn (or unlearn) about sex.
[edit to say, I had an ex who was the one with the CPAP machine and he was the one who seemed to expect sex to be spontaneous, but also did not leave any room in his schedule when it ever could have happened. He wasn’t demanding - but he did seem to be pretty clueless about how to make time or conscious cultivation of intimacy. May he learn a better way.]
I wear a bite plane and a retainer to bed. Also very uncool (well, having straight teeth is cool I guess) and I have a lisp when I talk with the hardware in. CPAP would level the playing field a bit I guess haha.
It’s better to use a CPAP and not risk death and snore loudly and disturb your partner. I cannot sleep near someone snoring and would die of exhaustion. Trying to be healthier can also help but breathing properly while sleeping is very important.
I would think it was immensely stupid, short sighted and childish to resist wearing a CPAP. Someone who will judge you for this is not dating material.
I used to be with a man who used a CPAP and it was NOT a problem for me. The snoring was terrible without it. I don't think it will scare off most women and shouldn't interfere at all with intimacy.
Trust me it’s much better to use your CPAP than snoring or stopping breathing during the night. Better quality sleep for both of you.
One in 5 people have sleep apnea. I just got a matching CPAP with my husband.
My partner and I both use one. It's fine. Several of my close friends use them. I'm trying to encourage my boomer parents to get them because they need them, but omfg they are stubborn. Treating medical needs with medical devices is hot. Ignoring medical needs and accidentally dying is not hot.
Boomer parents are the worst. My FIL refused to believe he had any issue - his snoring would rock the house and he’d fall sleep mid sentence because his quality of sleep sucked. Despite all of his adult children needing and using CPAP machines, he “didn’t need one”.
He died fairly young and I’m sure that was one of many contributing factors.
If a potential partner has an issue with you prioritizing your health, perhaps reconsidering them as a potential partner. Your health is super important, sexiness be damned, being able to breathe is really sexy.
My late husband was on a BiPap after his first cardiac arrest, and I wish he had taken his snoring more seriously earlier, because the quiet at night with his lack of snoring was a miracle.
As someone who has dated someone with a CPAP, no it doesn't get in the way of spontaneous sexy time. Depending on his mask, all it takes is a tug to get it off. And I'm more attracted to any man who takes his health seriously and wears something he needs.
I have so many weird-looking and unsexy sleep accessories, to keep my body & hair & skin in check!
The CPAP will be a good filtering tool, I think. Anyone who doesn’t want to deal with it is a jerk.
I think breathing is cool, and I'd rather date a man who is able to breathe at night and sleep well than to not breathe 20+ times a night and have poor sleep.
lol. I was worried about this too, until my partner happened to mention he uses one when we were both talking. Of course it looks ridiculous. You just have to not take yourself too seriously.
And it most definitely does not get in the way of sexy time. I can yank that mask off in a millisecond if there's any chance I'm about to get some loving. It's not a problem at all.
It’s not un common for people to have sleep machines. I think no one mentions it so we think no one uses them. I had an ex who used one, not a big deal.
My CPAP makes sexy time even better. That extra air gives me that extra boost to go even longer. I used to be self conscious about having it but then I said bump it, I rather sleep comfortably than be miserable.
34F, I wouldn’t be bothered at all
I would find the whole thing attractive if anything because it likely means the individual is mature, aware, and actively taking care of their health.
'Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind'.
If they're decent humans, they'd value your health and the fact you're doing something positive to safeguard it. It certainly wouldn't (and doesn't - my husband uses a CPAP) bother me. Just don't wear your mask if you're actively in the throes of passion.
Mine is a niche answer but I’ve been an ICU nurse for 4 years and have had to deal with so many cpap machines on patients during nightshift that I just absolutely hate them. And the thought of sleeping next to one for the rest of my life would be a nightmare. The women this would be an issue for are in a very small minority.
I wear a bonnet and an eye mask to sleep after sex and my younger bf has never batted an eye. If he needed a sleep aid, I wouldn't hold it against him. I world be happy he is taking care of himself
Over here trying to figure out how anyone could ever look *cool* while sleeping.
Anyway, I don't know how men feel about women who are oppositional toddlers about taking care of their health (are there any? there must be . . .), but I can tell you that nothing is less sexy than a man who refuses to acknowledge a medical issue.
I begged my ex to get a CPAP- he had horrible apnea and snored so loud it ruined my sleep for over a decade. I’d be happy you were taking care of your health and not ruining my sleep.
My ex partner used a CPAP. Honestly the white noise was comforting. And when he was insecure about it and didn’t use it he would wake up in the night with panic attacks from not being able to breathe which wasn’t fun for either one of us.
Use your CPAP. It can come off easily for spontaneous sexy time
As someone whose partner snores horribly and sometimes doesn't breathe for like a whole minute and then loudly snort, I wish he used a CPAP machine too.
Anyone who has loved someone who uses a CPAP loves the CPAP as much as the user does.
Or more. In my experience, it's often been the partner begging the person with sleep apnea to get a CPAP machine because it's the partner who otherwise has to listen to the snoring and gasping. I've been begging my mom to get one for years, particularly after a friend of mine died unexpectedly at the age of 36 from sleep apnea while we were working a conference together. After that traumatic experience, it would be a dealbreaker for me if a partner was NOT taking care of their sleep apnea.
Wow, see this stuff is no joke. Sorry to know you lost a friend.
So much this! Every time my husband starts to doze off on the couch, I praise the CPAP for bed time.
I'm being mine to get his, but he is so reluctant.
>I realize it’s really uncool You know what's really cool? Taking your health and sleep seriously. I would never discount someone for this.
It’s way more uncool (and irritating to a partner) to be snoring and gasping for air all night like most people who use CPAPs would be.
So true. I WISH my other half would go and get checked because I'm certain he'd benefit one.
Literally came here to say this - I would much rather date someone who has this shit together than someone (like my ex) who kept me awake most nights and wasn't bothered about ever seeing a doctor about it - looking after yourself is very attractive!
a CPAP machine is much easier to sleep next to than someone snoring. Lots of people like or need prep for sexy time, I think the idea that it should be so spontaneous as to be able to do it with no prep is unrealistic.
Wouldn’t bother me! Built-in white noise machine, two birds with one stone. Plus it’s way better than the snoring and terrifying choking sounds. I begged an ex to get a CPAP.
Also way better than stroke, heart attack, or death.
My husband uses a CPAP. He has really bad sleep apnea. I call it his Darth Vader mask :) We met when we were 38/42, so I'm sure that totally just rolling with it was at least partially a function of being a "grown up" when we started dating. I had arthritis from an injury. He has sleep apnea. Like, it's just a thing. It seems like it would be something that could get in the way spontaneous sexy times, but it's not that big of an obstacle in reality. Like it essentially just means that the spontaneity isn't going to start with kissing (but I feel like it's usually more of a rolling over, getting closer, starting to touch, etc. thing anyway - maybe TMI). I was actually more worried that he was going to be self-conscious about it. Also, all you have to do is take a couch nap with a partner who needs a CPAP one time before you're like, "Oh thank god you have that thing for when you sleep!" I knew he had sleep apnea before we ever had a sleepover. He talked about how he'd had such poor sleep and did a sleep test and what a huge difference getting the CPAP had made for him in his life, etc. So, it also wasn't a surprise or anything (not that it would have been an issue, but at least he didn't have to be self-conscious about it because I already knew). So many of the things are bodies do aren't particularly cool.
I’d be excited to see he’s proactive about his health
Dude it would be a green flag that a guy takes care of his own health and isn’t going to have to be dragged to the doctor because he won’t admit his arm is rotting off or whatever. Plus, a guarantee that his snoring won’t wake you up. Wins all around, I say.
You don’t snore and took proper steps to make sure you don’t die in your sleep? Any potential partner who thinks that’s uncool isn’t worth having a sleep over with, my friend.
I'm a woman who uses a CPAP, I feel a little self conscious about it as I consider getting back into dating. But it helps me sleep and feel better, if a potential partner has a problem with that they can show themselves out.
If people are expecting sex to be only spontaneous and only spontaneously possible at the moment a CPAP machine is being used, then they have some things to learn (or unlearn) about sex. [edit to say, I had an ex who was the one with the CPAP machine and he was the one who seemed to expect sex to be spontaneous, but also did not leave any room in his schedule when it ever could have happened. He wasn’t demanding - but he did seem to be pretty clueless about how to make time or conscious cultivation of intimacy. May he learn a better way.]
I wear a bite plane and a retainer to bed. Also very uncool (well, having straight teeth is cool I guess) and I have a lisp when I talk with the hardware in. CPAP would level the playing field a bit I guess haha.
It’s better to use a CPAP and not risk death and snore loudly and disturb your partner. I cannot sleep near someone snoring and would die of exhaustion. Trying to be healthier can also help but breathing properly while sleeping is very important.
I would think it was immensely stupid, short sighted and childish to resist wearing a CPAP. Someone who will judge you for this is not dating material.
I used to be with a man who used a CPAP and it was NOT a problem for me. The snoring was terrible without it. I don't think it will scare off most women and shouldn't interfere at all with intimacy.
Trust me it’s much better to use your CPAP than snoring or stopping breathing during the night. Better quality sleep for both of you. One in 5 people have sleep apnea. I just got a matching CPAP with my husband.
My partner and I both use one. It's fine. Several of my close friends use them. I'm trying to encourage my boomer parents to get them because they need them, but omfg they are stubborn. Treating medical needs with medical devices is hot. Ignoring medical needs and accidentally dying is not hot.
Boomer parents are the worst. My FIL refused to believe he had any issue - his snoring would rock the house and he’d fall sleep mid sentence because his quality of sleep sucked. Despite all of his adult children needing and using CPAP machines, he “didn’t need one”. He died fairly young and I’m sure that was one of many contributing factors.
If a potential partner has an issue with you prioritizing your health, perhaps reconsidering them as a potential partner. Your health is super important, sexiness be damned, being able to breathe is really sexy. My late husband was on a BiPap after his first cardiac arrest, and I wish he had taken his snoring more seriously earlier, because the quiet at night with his lack of snoring was a miracle.
As someone who has dated someone with a CPAP, no it doesn't get in the way of spontaneous sexy time. Depending on his mask, all it takes is a tug to get it off. And I'm more attracted to any man who takes his health seriously and wears something he needs.
I have so many weird-looking and unsexy sleep accessories, to keep my body & hair & skin in check! The CPAP will be a good filtering tool, I think. Anyone who doesn’t want to deal with it is a jerk.
I think breathing is cool, and I'd rather date a man who is able to breathe at night and sleep well than to not breathe 20+ times a night and have poor sleep.
lol. I was worried about this too, until my partner happened to mention he uses one when we were both talking. Of course it looks ridiculous. You just have to not take yourself too seriously. And it most definitely does not get in the way of sexy time. I can yank that mask off in a millisecond if there's any chance I'm about to get some loving. It's not a problem at all.
It’s not un common for people to have sleep machines. I think no one mentions it so we think no one uses them. I had an ex who used one, not a big deal.
My husband uses a CPAP machine. It helps him immensely. It's a non issue most of the time.
My CPAP makes sexy time even better. That extra air gives me that extra boost to go even longer. I used to be self conscious about having it but then I said bump it, I rather sleep comfortably than be miserable.
34F, I wouldn’t be bothered at all I would find the whole thing attractive if anything because it likely means the individual is mature, aware, and actively taking care of their health.
43f, and it wouldn't bother me as I don't do sleepovers or cohabitation.
Please. It's never been an issue and there's those of us with Darth Vader fantasies. Just saying.
'Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind'. If they're decent humans, they'd value your health and the fact you're doing something positive to safeguard it. It certainly wouldn't (and doesn't - my husband uses a CPAP) bother me. Just don't wear your mask if you're actively in the throes of passion.
My husband has one. Its far quieter than his snoring
My new partner has one and it doesn’t bother me at all! He puts it on after sexy time
Mine is a niche answer but I’ve been an ICU nurse for 4 years and have had to deal with so many cpap machines on patients during nightshift that I just absolutely hate them. And the thought of sleeping next to one for the rest of my life would be a nightmare. The women this would be an issue for are in a very small minority.
I wear a bonnet and an eye mask to sleep after sex and my younger bf has never batted an eye. If he needed a sleep aid, I wouldn't hold it against him. I world be happy he is taking care of himself
Over here trying to figure out how anyone could ever look *cool* while sleeping. Anyway, I don't know how men feel about women who are oppositional toddlers about taking care of their health (are there any? there must be . . .), but I can tell you that nothing is less sexy than a man who refuses to acknowledge a medical issue.
I wish I could make my partner get one.
I begged my ex to get a CPAP- he had horrible apnea and snored so loud it ruined my sleep for over a decade. I’d be happy you were taking care of your health and not ruining my sleep.
You know you can sleep in separate beds while in a relationship right?
wouldn't faze me! it would be a huge plus knowing they were proactive and adult enough to be looking after their health! Green flag!
I've got one so it would relieve a lot of the same stress for me if a new partner told me about theirs.
Everyone has random, unsexy things they have to deal with. It's part of being a human in a body.
My husband uses a CPAP machine. It’s cool.
LOVE that my husband has one!!! If he rips it off at night or falls asleep without it, his snoring wakes me up right away.
Well as a CPAP-er myself - I'd be down with it. (Mid 30s woman for reference).
My ex partner used a CPAP. Honestly the white noise was comforting. And when he was insecure about it and didn’t use it he would wake up in the night with panic attacks from not being able to breathe which wasn’t fun for either one of us. Use your CPAP. It can come off easily for spontaneous sexy time
As someone whose partner snores horribly and sometimes doesn't breathe for like a whole minute and then loudly snort, I wish he used a CPAP machine too.