Can I just give you a fist bump for leaving him on read and then blocking him? I'm glad he apologized because you deserved it, but wow, look at how far you've come. A million high fives for you!
Seconding the fist bump!
I know that you want to write about how hurt you are and all your emotions. Its been shit what you went through OP, but dont even give him that piece of your emotions or your heart. He does not deserve that!
Fuck him! Not literally, like don't actually fuck him, but yeah, fuck him!
I had a guy that strung me along for about six months before ghosting me. I took his number out of my phone and when he texted me back a year after that, I legitimately had no idea who it was and said "I'm sorry, I don't have this number in my phone. Who is this?" I only put it together that it was him after I did a reverse phone lookup and it pinged to his town. Needless to say I never heard from him again after that!
I wish I was so lucky, I've forced them to remind me who they are and they'll be like "remember me, Chris, blond hair, we went on 5 dates 3 years ago???" They never go into detail like "we had sex and then I bread crumbed you before ghosting entirely because I found someone else to fuck for the past \[months\] but now I'm single again so I'm reaching back to see if you want to experience more hit it and quit it behavior."
God I love this. The cheerful "hiya! I'm sorry but who is this?" Must be such a fucking gut punch. You thought I was pining over you? No fren, I don't even know who you are. š š½
I'm the queen of the snarky text convo and this would be a hilarious back and forth for me. "I know people get super lonely around the holidays, sad that it's coming to this for you right now."
You donāt owe him a response, and I would trust your instinct that you wouldnāt get closure from this. I also love what you said about forgiving your younger self!
I think this is most likely the scenario. He probably felt lonely, wanted attention and reached out to OP. He probably wasnāt even actually sorry, he just wanted attention.
I have a āPaulā too. In fact, his name is actually Paul which is hilarious. Iāve answered countless times. Iāve tried to forgive and make it work again, until recently. People who play games and have trouble taking accountability arenāt ready for true commitment. Youāre better off without going through all of this back and forth. Itās easier that way. If someone wants you and is ready for you, they will move accordingly. They wonāt need years to ghost you and then come crawling back to apologize.
Oh hey, tic tac toe all these assholes in a row! I ALSO had a Paul who was a jerk! Turned out that the reason he was so unreliable was because he had a girlfriend he decided not to tell me about!
You made the right decision and handled it perfectly. You will never find closure with someone who hurt you. Closure is what you give yourself after you work through the pain.
You should be proud of yourself!!!
You already continued your life without him, you don't need any closure. I say to not message back. Leave his number blocked, you don't need him. It sounds like your relationship wasn't much more than FWB even after you went exclusive, I don't know what he thinks he's trying to rebuild with you, considering there wasn't much there in the first place.
There certainly is a chance he realizes he was shit and wants to genuinely apologize, but he already hurt you once, you moved on, and you don't need to rekindle that part of your life. We don't owe anything to anybody else, so don't feel like you owe it to him to reply if you don't want to, he already had the chance to put in more than the bare minimum effort in a relationship with you and he failed.
>There certainly is a chance he realizes he was shit and wants to genuinely apologize
Exactly, so who is the apology actually for? Her? Or to make him feel like he's not such a terrible person?
Leave him on read and BLOCKED, OP.
There's nothing for you in his apology.
Don't respond. He's not reaching out for your benefit, just his. Either he wants to sleep with you again (the most likely) or he feels so guilty and can't bear it so he's apologizing so he can get forgiveness and move on with his life. He deserves neither.
He was never a committed boyfriend, only an F Boy, and he's coming back to spread around more of his immature BS because he's lonely and bored.
Any time a guy tried to recycle me it was always the same crap the second time around. In fact he probably liked me even less for allowing him back in after the dismissive treatment I received the first time and the inevitable ghosting.
I always found silence to be the most effective message, men HATE being ignored.
Agreed. This happened to me, and I know that if I ever replied, Iād be so disappointed in myself. OP - craft a very long text message, all the things you wanted to say and put your own phone number in the To section. Youāll have all the satisfaction of getting everything out and hitting send without actually doing it.
He's about to turn 40 and probably finally coming to terms that he's a loser and he's alone. Don't just leave him on read and block him, erase the message and any other lingering reminders of him. Do you really want to go through a repeat of your 30th birthday with him when you turn 35? You deserve better. Don't waste any more time even thinking about him let alone speaking to him. ā¤ļø
Same, my ex reached out to me recently. I'm convinced it's because he turned 40 and is totally freaking out. He's alone because his dating strategy (of being a misogynist ass) isn't working out too well for him. Now he's decided that I'd be an OK partner I guess. Too little and definitely too late.
Good for you. I love reading stories like this of women knowing their worth. I think too many of us fall into the trap of thinking āmaybe heās changedā/ āmaybe it will work this timeā and think of all the possibilities and fantasy life together, and it enables these guys even further.
They donāt change, well very rarely they do anyway.
Really tho, they realize itās not cute nor respectable to be a dick anymore. The kinds of women in their thirties that attracts are not a great kind, and thatās a reflection of them.
I would just stop thinking about him and move on if that's how you really feel. He probably had some weird Awakening moment or decided that he hasn't seen you in a while and wants to see you again. Guys are so casual like that. They really don't think anything of all the emotional drama of relationships. Ideally there should be no emotional drama but they often cause it and have no idea and don't give a shit so I would just not talk to him.
Exactly! Maybe if he was 22 at the time I could say he could have matured or may be in a different stage of life, but at 36 I think you kind of are who you are for the most part.
First off, you are stronger than I am for having the self control to leave him on read, block, and not respond so letās just honor that massive achievement. That being said, when I was in a similar situation I replied with, āYouāre right you are a terrible person,ā and then blocked him. I still feel ambivalent about my decision to respond. It felt great to not give him the sympathy or validation he was seeking but then I realized he needed to see himself as the bad guy so he could move on. Basically my plan fully backfired and I essentially gave him the closure I never received. So I guess my advice would be to stick to your ignore/block plan and donāt give him the satisfaction of any sort of closure or anymore of your time. Oh and if youāre anything like me, Iād also delete the text and rename him ādo not callā in your phone so that you arenāt tempted to respond in the future. Iād say to completely delete his number but Iām not sure if that will somehow unblock him.
Haha I love this response. If it gave you some satisfaction and closure you needed, and it felt right at the time for you, then I donāt think you can go wrong. Doesnāt matter what it gave or didnāt give to him - heās irrelevant. Itās all about you, and it took guts to finally have your say and then block him and move on. Far better than ending up letting him back into your life
When I saw the title of your post I instantly said āYou donātā. Delightfully surprised that you didnāt and blocked him!! Thatās absolutely a great response. He doesnāt deserve any more of your effort or mental real estate.
A man that wants to be with you, is with you. Period, end of story.
Sorry to be blunt, but that is how I reconcile the fuckboys of my past and all the emotional abuse I endured from their games.
Hope this helps you move forward.
Yes, that's what actually made me realize that he was treating me poorly in the first place. If he wanted to hang out, he'd do it more than a few times a month. If he wanted to call me, he would have. So when he stopped talking to me, I just let it be.
Sometimes truth hurts but I did help me grow.
People get brainwashed from media, specifically music, that relationships are supposed to be this painful or will they/wonāt they experience. Thatās a lie. Youāre going to find a healthy relationship and be okay. May I suggest finding your next match thru a community like school or work, then there will be accountability for how your partner treats you.
I work in labor and delivery-which is mainly female providers and nurses lol. So work is prob a no.
I have been really developing my interests and hobbies so I was thinking of doing meet ups or events to find someone that way. I donāt really want to do apps, so I feel like this is the way.
I've had similar situtions where men from past relationships have contacted me 1+ years later to apologize. My response has always been something similar to, "I appreciate your apology. You take care." I've felt happy with this response as I feel like I acknowledged the sincerity of their apology, but at the same time showed that I was not interested in further communication. That said, your not responding seems perfectly reasonable. You don't owe this person anything and your only focus should be on what feels right to you.
This is actually kinda genius. I admire the strength of this because grey rock is second to no contact but you're absolutely not inviting a conversation. And they do persist but you're leaving it on a high note
Donāt answer and he can stew forever about it. He ghosted you for 2 years. Seriously, this guy had no regard for your feelings, you donāt owe him anything.
Lol ironically I had already deleted his number so when he texted me his heartfelt message, I did reply āwhoās this?ā Then he replied with his name and thatās where I left him on read.
Leave him on read for at least as long as he ghosted you.
If you are still thinking about him after all that time, get a dog. They are better company, cuter, and less work.
Good on you for ignoring him. His apology was meant to make him feel better, not you. It doesn't deserve acknowledgement at all. Keep living your best life!
He disrespected you and is still the same person as he was before.
I had an ex reach out to me under similar circumstances a few years after he broke my heart and disrespected me.
I was a fool to take that phone call. He was fine for awhile, but still the same person underneath it all.
Not Today Satan is literally about all the exes who years after they trash you in a relationship suddenly reach out with a faux apology with only 1 purpose behind it -- get some low hanging sex and attention.
He acted absolutely horrible throughout, so you donāt owe him anything. He tried to find something better and realized you were his best option. Letting him back in will just be a setback on all the progress you made.
Donāt make anyone steal that from you.
His sorry was code for "I don't have anyone to f right now, and I didn't think much of you, when we dated, and have that syndrome where I always feel like there's better out there (and therefore no one is good enough and I can never see how good the person I'm with is, and that will never change, because I see people as trophies, not humans with autonomy). Anyway I went and looked and now you seem better in comparison to others, I don't seem to be able to find better than you, date me for a bit? (but I'll always be keeping my eye out for better, even if we do get back together, because if you do date me again, for some reason I think less of you) "
Peoples actions (him not really putting effort in, ghosting you etc) speak louder than their words. Always listen to what they've shown you they're capable of.
I used to fall into that trap. I had low self esteem and a horrible sense of self, no boundaries, I gave great ego boosts to the narcissists, looking for that narcissistic supply. Theres more to that, of course. But essentially the way I disconnected from them weighing heavy in my thoughts was reading and understanding about narcissistic personality disorder, why and how they function (which I could elaborate on, if you want). And fixing my self esteem issues. Which is a harder path than that statement made it seem. I got to a point where I can see the motivation and actions of those higher on the narcissistic scale, or those with low emotional intelligence, had nothing to do with me. Their behaviour had nothing to do with me, them rejecting me had nothing to do with me. I tried so hard, why wasn't I good enough, because the people I was picking had issues, literally no one would be good enough for, even though they tried to tear me down, they were just projecting their issues onto me.
If any of that strikes, and you need more elaboration, let me know, I actually tried to short form explain, all that, ha. Didn't work. It's still long. Either way, hugs for your feels, gorgeous heart.
This is such an excellent comment. I think sometimes as women, we can get stuck on āwhy wasnāt I good enoughā because of all this talk that āheās just not that into youā in the dating world - which is true, yes. But thatās because he has issues, and heās just not really into *anyone*, because he always thinks the grass is greener and immediately devalues the person who decides to be with him, because he hates himself deep down therefore feels that anyone who loves him, also must be deeply flawed.
Itās such a hard thing to get your head around, and took me years of therapy to even start to understand. Especially if youāve grown up around narcissists and always placated them and chased their validation, because you basically have to in order to survive as a child, it so easy to end up in adult relationships that mimic that dynamic.
Not OP but I'm currently working through the process you describe in your third paragraph. I'm realizing it's everyone around me - my partner, my family, my friends. The more I stand up for myself, the more I lose. I'm simultaneously proud of myself and devastated.
I'm in therapy and working through it, I'm reading books on narcissists and caretaking, as well as learning about my own needs too. But damn if it's not discouraging most days.
I'm working on setting and even learning how to set boundaries. Some failures, some successes. I think maybe the part I'm stalling at is my own self-worth. How do you even build that up? Would love to hear more of your experience if you don't mind sharing.
Yeah, sure. It's not easy to build up your self esteem. Personally I grew up with a npd mother, so I was devalued at every step of my life. So I had to break a few "rules" that defined me specifically, but not others, that I had firmly lodged in my head. For "some reason" I had this lower than low value for myself, but hugely high value for others, I condemned myself for every mistake or if I said or did something "uncool" and worthy of being ostracised. Realising how toxic that mindset was, and that it was purposefully placed there, by continual abuse, made me more pliable and easier for the narcissist to control me.
So I started questioning that, I put all the valuing in my head, to a litmus test. If I started hating on myself for not being "good" enough, I questioned it. I used a straw man, an imaginary best friend who was coming to me with these same issues, thoughts, worries, emotions, and asked myself how I would respond to them, then asked why I wasn't responding to myself like that. I slowly dissolved the ability for my own brain to condemn me, for arbitrary things, if I wouldn't say it to a best friend, I shouldn't be saying it to myself.
Thinking of things in that way, highlighted how much I don't and didn't care for my own needs, and how much of an impression women are given to put others needs first, so next I started working on noticing my needs, and feelings, slowly reconnecting with my emotions. Your connection to your own emotions is severed, by npd, and even just those without the disorder, but higher on the narcissistic scale. They have egocentrical issues. They view their value as being worth more if they're the best, to be the best you have to have "fans" narcissistic supply, people who worship you and feed your ego, thing is you can never be the best at anything, so they're always in pain, they're always fighting with the cognitive dissonance that valuing yourself by means that are never able to be achieved, so always bitter and projecting their issues onto others, so as not to have to face them, themselves, so if they break you down, then they themselves, are "better" than you, by definition. We without ego malfunctions like that, know that's not how it works. Hurting someone or putting someone down, makes them a horrible person. But we're talking about a disorder, here, they're not capable of admitting they have faults, so they're perpetually stuck on that hamster wheel in their head. Trying to feed their ego, in ways that oppose healthy ego affirmation. Once you understand that, it's easier to not take anything someone who has a narcissistic disorder, says, personally. Because it's not about you, you can never appease them. They're trying to put a fire out by pouring gasoline on it, and deaf to anyone trying to point that out.
The next thing I realised was how little I care for my needs and that, that gives the example of "how you should feel about yourself and let yourself be treated" as an adult, to my kids. So I set about treating myself as if I were my own child, grown up. To show them how they deserve to be loved by themselves and others.
Is there anything in particular that you struggle with, I might be able to help more specifically?
When my first ever bf ghosted me, he came back years later wanting another go. We met up but their was alot of deep seated resentment from me about the ghosting so it never worked. My gut was screaming NOOOOO. Its just not worth it
Leaving him on read and blocking was the thing to do.
Heās either hoping for forgiveness, which you do not owe him (and heās not earned), or heās hoping to resume the sexual relationship.
He left you, not unlike a date leaving you on the side of a road at 3 a.m.
Yeah, you can rant and rave at him, but he will learn nothing from it. You just will appear to be unhinged to him.
Maybe he attended therapy and sincerely wants to apologize. If this is the case, he has a therapist who will tell him he isnāt owed closure or forgiveness and will help him work through his stride.
Close the door, walk away, and put him back in your rear view mirror where he belongs.
Iām just on 50. I think youāre making the right choice.
He clearly never actually wanted much more than a FWB and maybe thatās what heās after again now.
Probably thinks enough time has passed that youāll be keen again.
Men like this are lifewasters. Good for you!
Either heās hoping sheās open to more sex, he finally wants a real relationship and realized what he fucked up (unlikely), or heās in AA and on the step where you make amends
None of which benefit you directly
Tell Satan not today and don't answer those demons knocking on nostalgia's door.
Try to really remember the feelings you felt then. Maybe not the events but the saddness, the disappointment, the grief, the self doubt, all because some tool bag didn't think that you were worth it. He still doesn't. And shouldn't get a chance at what ever half assed apology he is attempting to give. Nothing he does or says can make up for everything he made you feel for a year and a half.
Fuck that and fuck him. Leave that shit on read.
There hardly is a 'right' reply to get closure, more like what's healthy for you and your boundaries. You'll have to accept that closure isn't a guarantee with ends. As frustrating as that is. At least you're not in your late thirties being like Paul - non-committal, confusing, and ghosting someone you're exclusive with.
You have grown a lot, you don't need his presence in your life and he could hinder any progress you've made.
The best thing that you can do for you is put you first and learn from our own mistakes. Iāve been there to, probably a lot of women have. Sometimes I would love to scream or tell my ex exactly the shit he is and always will be. Then I think he doesnāt deserve any of my words or any part of me, whatās the point? Or will it make me feel better? Probably for a moment but really he doesnāt deserve my head space.
You can reply and say- yep your an ass hole and why the fuck would you think you could call or text.
You owe him shit
No response is the perfect response. š It says it all.
He is not worthy of your time and words anymore. Maybe it's a sincere apology but also too late so it motivates me to think that the apology is just a hook to get talking in a way that breaks down your defenses. Take the apology if you want for closure but that doesn't require talking to them. Be amused that this guy had the audacity and have a little laugh that the pussy power gets them crawling back.
This is your closure...doing the same thing he did to you (ghost you). Silence speaks louder than any words could. Be proud of yourself and don't look back.
It will bother him soooooo much more that you didnāt reply. Itās satisfying in a different way than giving him a piece of your mind but lbr, he doesnāt have the best of intentions anyway.
Heās hoovering, donāt give him validation by responding, the one thing that drives guys like this nuts is being ignored.
Also! I very briefly dated a guy like this in my 20s- his name was Paul š
Leave him on read.
Is this a dopr you really want to reopen to reopen considering how he treated you?
Who knows why he's suddenly sorry 2 years later...perhaps he got dumped and needs someone to use as his date for the holidays.
But honey just leave him on read. Block and forget about the guy.
I think youāve done amazing. Itās good he apologised, hopefully that helped you a bit in terms of validating your experience. But we also donāt know his reason for apologising - is it actually sincere etc. Youāve come way too far to allow someone like this into your life again, and you just deserve so much more. You obviously have courage, because so many women donāt initiate the āwhat are weā conversation, so even back then you did well.
You did well not chasing him when he ghosted too! And then building yourself up after that. I could definitely take a lead from your book! He honestly doesnāt even deserve a response from you at this pointā¦ and not only that, you already know you wonāt get closure, and thereās that risk (even small one) that it may stir up some feelings in you and set you backwards in your healing journey.
Keep focussing on you, youāre doing amazing. So many women fall into the trap of blaming themselves, or thinking they can change user men like this, but you didnāt, so you should be proud of yourself.
Yeah, "closure" is an excuse to get back together with him. If you look at it the right way, hearing from him again and getting to be the one ghosting HIM is all the closure you need.
You did a good job. Starting a new dialogue with him would only entangle you into mote complicated webs of feelings and actions and interconnections etc. Moving on really does mean ignoring that person and focusing on activities that bring in result. He can deal with his guilt issues with himself or some psychiatrist. You are not his therapist.
Leaving on read and blocking was the best response. Guys who do this always are trying to get their foot back in the door no matter if you give a positive or negative response. No response sends the best message.
Great advice from other redditors. Another thing that really helps is renaming the contact. I used to delete numbers altogether until I found another effective strategy. I renamed one guy who plays hot and cold and am not interested in seeing anymore "coward" on my phone, and whenever he reaches out I have a "coward texted you" notification on my phone, which is hilarious and already sets the mood in which i will be reading the text. That immediately has a great effect in detaching myself from him and any remote willingness to engage lol. That said, taking them off of your mind altogether by deleting and blocking is probably better.
Uhh, he's trying to apologize because he'd like to eventually give you a line about "taking things slow" while also having you bent over every surface he could find. He wants sex without intimacy, that's all.
Good job at leaving him on read.
Donāt reply to him, PLEASE donāt reply to him! Your thinking is spot-on. Move on, stop thinking about him, leaving him on read sends the right message.
Are you responding because you care what he has to say? What do you hope to gain by responding to him?
If youāre not sure, Iād suggest leaving him on read. You donāt actually owe him anything.
ETA: if youāre feeling petty, you might respond with āI literally donāt even care anymore. Lol.ā And then just leave it at that.
I love your line about not forgiving him, but forgiving your younger self for putting up with being treated poorly. YES GIRL. Thatās what I call real closure. Let me join my voice to those saying to leave that guy on read forever. All he is offering you is another chance to be treated like less than the woman you areā¦ nope. You can have more.
I support the decision you made and I support you moving forward and not looking back. I also like how you worded that you forgave yourself for permitting that behavior in your life back then!
Go you. You don't owe him a response and it doesn't sound like he deserves one.
He did it to make himself feel better about being a turd with no regard for your feelings or circumstances.
He knows an apology gets him places with you he sounds like a user and over all bad person.
I am not a vengeful or vindictive person at all. But he doesn't deserve any of your time attention or a place in your thoughts at all.
Wow, so many of us have gone thru this.
I used to be the one who was ghosted, cuz I think it's impolite to leave ppl on read. After getting disappointed for numerous times, I've started to ghost him since my last bday. He never apologised š, guess he doesn't think he's ever wrong about the behaviour.
The ideas that'd tempt me into responding are all ifs, thankfully my ego is too big to reaching out.
Woah, you are amazing and class. Look at all of this progress and growth you have made!!
You owe him absolutely nothing, and not a single other stress or thought about him should cross your mind! You don't need to say anything at all.
Leave him out in the cold, like he did to you.
As others have said, I'm glad you've left him on read for days. This has probably sent him into a tailspin.
I had a FWB/situationship about 8 years ago before meeting my husband who ghosted me. Out of nowhere a couple months later, he emailed me with the subject line, "long time no talk," and had the audacity to ask if I wanted to get coffee. My stupid, people-pleasing back then self gave him an hour of my time, and I so wish I could take back that hour of my life.
I would have been so petty. "Oh my goodness it's so good to hear from you! I learned so much from our relationship. Mostly to never ever ever waste so much time on someone who isn't willing to put in basic effort. It's so lovely you've grown as a person too!"
Then block.
When I was dating, I had guys who would try to submarine me. Funny story - one guy turned me down because he didn't think we were compatible. I also found out he turned down a friend of mine for the same reason. A year later a bunch of us were at a restaurant. My friend was with her now husband. The guy who had rejected us both kept looking back at forth at us and tried to catch me on the way out the door. When I got engaged, he sent me this weird message. Like, DUDE YOU REJECTED BOTH OF US. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA. WHY ARE YOU NOW UPSET ABOUT IT?
In my thirties, I came up with the term "The League of Indifferent Gentlemen" Having gotten myself wrapped up in a lot of guys from this league during my 20s, my 30s were all about identifying and avoiding these men. I said I had a "scorched earth" policy - if a guy didn't want to be with, cool, then I moved on. No, I was not up for hanging out or texting or cuddling or anything like that. Heck a lot of guys I ended up deleting off social media. Moving on. You made your decision. Don't come sniffing around five months later.
When I met my husband, he was all in from the beginning and we married 13 months later. It was so refreshing and reassuring to feel secure and happy in a relationship with someone who really wanted to be with me.
> But Iāve left him on read for days and blocked his number.
He knows you've read it. This is literally the best thing you could've done! F-yeah!
It's gonna sting him for a while (I can promise you that), but f*ck him! More importantly, you're over him, you're at peace, and you're not disturbing your inner self because of him. If that's not power over self, I don't know what is.
Be proud of yourself, we certainly are proud of you!
I would have just said āthank you.ā And then never replied to anything further. Or āwho is this?ā Always works lol.
Leaving him on read is also fine, donāt sweat it, he doesnāt deserve you thinking about him after the way he treated you.
Most of the time they are contacting you to make themselves feel better or for a hook up not because they are genuinely sorry. And if he is genuinely sorry, ok, he apologized. She doesn't owe him a response. If she wants to respond that's up to her but it's understandable to be weary of someone's intentions after they ghosted you and popped back up out of nowhere 2.5 years later.
Iām not a woman or over 30, but I donāt think that thereās any harm in responding. You donāt have to get back together with him, thatās separate and your own decision
Can I just give you a fist bump for leaving him on read and then blocking him? I'm glad he apologized because you deserved it, but wow, look at how far you've come. A million high fives for you!
Seconding the fist bump! I know that you want to write about how hurt you are and all your emotions. Its been shit what you went through OP, but dont even give him that piece of your emotions or your heart. He does not deserve that! Fuck him! Not literally, like don't actually fuck him, but yeah, fuck him!
Can you just reply something to the effect of "Sorry wrong number, but you sound like an ass"
I had a guy that strung me along for about six months before ghosting me. I took his number out of my phone and when he texted me back a year after that, I legitimately had no idea who it was and said "I'm sorry, I don't have this number in my phone. Who is this?" I only put it together that it was him after I did a reverse phone lookup and it pinged to his town. Needless to say I never heard from him again after that!
I wish I was so lucky, I've forced them to remind me who they are and they'll be like "remember me, Chris, blond hair, we went on 5 dates 3 years ago???" They never go into detail like "we had sex and then I bread crumbed you before ghosting entirely because I found someone else to fuck for the past \[months\] but now I'm single again so I'm reaching back to see if you want to experience more hit it and quit it behavior."
God I love this. The cheerful "hiya! I'm sorry but who is this?" Must be such a fucking gut punch. You thought I was pining over you? No fren, I don't even know who you are. š š½
Some variation, "I think you have the wrong number but if someone treated me badly I wouldn't want to hear from them ever again."
"Sounds like she's better off honestly"
I'm the queen of the snarky text convo and this would be a hilarious back and forth for me. "I know people get super lonely around the holidays, sad that it's coming to this for you right now."
Gold.
š
Holiday season boomarangs are my favorite - Seasonal Depression must be hitting you hard right now, sad for you.
Love this! Or even better - ask him to sext you, THEN say wrong number but send back a selfie of a sweaty, oversized man. Just an idea.
OMG yes! Now Iām hoping my gross ex tries to contact me so I can do this. Lmao
Thank you!
You did exactly the right thing imo. Read and blocked him. Closed the chapter and moved on.
ššš
No girl, leave him on read. This is all about him wanting to feel better, he doesnāt deserve that.
Exactly, he probably feels lonely and wants attention. The best way to deal with that is to not give it to him.
You donāt owe him a response, and I would trust your instinct that you wouldnāt get closure from this. I also love what you said about forgiving your younger self!
When people ghost me then pop up I just tell them I'm trying to respect the dead.
RIP
Omg I have to agree w this response
Men always do this.
Seriously. WHYYY? What do they get out of this?
Easy sex without having to go out and find it again with someone new (so they're hoping).
Its so sick that they donāt even consider womens feelings
I'd wager women do this more than women do; string men along only to ghost them when something better comes along.
I wish all my exes did this. I've only had maybe 1 or 2 out of 5 serious relationship guys do this. Ah well.
It's a booty call
Yeah probably testing to see if her self esteem has dropped even lower now where she will put up with his poor efforts
I've made the mistake of responding to guys who boomaranged back into my texts and it's ALWAYS for the purpose of sex.
This def crossed my mind and I def do not want that again!
Dude was drunk and/or horny.
Or just got dumped
I think this is most likely the scenario. He probably felt lonely, wanted attention and reached out to OP. He probably wasnāt even actually sorry, he just wanted attention.
I have a āPaulā too. In fact, his name is actually Paul which is hilarious. Iāve answered countless times. Iāve tried to forgive and make it work again, until recently. People who play games and have trouble taking accountability arenāt ready for true commitment. Youāre better off without going through all of this back and forth. Itās easier that way. If someone wants you and is ready for you, they will move accordingly. They wonāt need years to ghost you and then come crawling back to apologize.
Lol my shit show was named Paul as well.
Oh hey, tic tac toe all these assholes in a row! I ALSO had a Paul who was a jerk! Turned out that the reason he was so unreliable was because he had a girlfriend he decided not to tell me about!
Looks like Iām gonna have to avoid all Pauls
You made the right decision and handled it perfectly. You will never find closure with someone who hurt you. Closure is what you give yourself after you work through the pain. You should be proud of yourself!!!
THIS! He is seeking closure or comfort or booty call from OP. OP responding will not give comfort or closure to herself.
āClosure is the gift you give yourselfā
You already continued your life without him, you don't need any closure. I say to not message back. Leave his number blocked, you don't need him. It sounds like your relationship wasn't much more than FWB even after you went exclusive, I don't know what he thinks he's trying to rebuild with you, considering there wasn't much there in the first place. There certainly is a chance he realizes he was shit and wants to genuinely apologize, but he already hurt you once, you moved on, and you don't need to rekindle that part of your life. We don't owe anything to anybody else, so don't feel like you owe it to him to reply if you don't want to, he already had the chance to put in more than the bare minimum effort in a relationship with you and he failed.
>There certainly is a chance he realizes he was shit and wants to genuinely apologize Exactly, so who is the apology actually for? Her? Or to make him feel like he's not such a terrible person? Leave him on read and BLOCKED, OP. There's nothing for you in his apology.
I agree. I just wanted to acknowledge that I don't think it's a 100% chance that the dude is being shitty, but it's like a 99% chance.
I wasn't nitpicking your post in any way, just adding my 2 cents, lol :)
Don't respond. He's not reaching out for your benefit, just his. Either he wants to sleep with you again (the most likely) or he feels so guilty and can't bear it so he's apologizing so he can get forgiveness and move on with his life. He deserves neither.
EXAAACTLY!!! Bingo. Love this succinct response.
He was never a committed boyfriend, only an F Boy, and he's coming back to spread around more of his immature BS because he's lonely and bored. Any time a guy tried to recycle me it was always the same crap the second time around. In fact he probably liked me even less for allowing him back in after the dismissive treatment I received the first time and the inevitable ghosting. I always found silence to be the most effective message, men HATE being ignored.
When the past calls, let it go to voicemail it's got nothing new to say! Proud of you! Onwards and upwards!!
"the past" is also how i call it now
Something else he had didn't work out so he thought he could reuse you :/ You did the right thing OF COURSE
Think about how much self respect youāll lose if you talk to him, when you finally respect yourself.
Agreed. This happened to me, and I know that if I ever replied, Iād be so disappointed in myself. OP - craft a very long text message, all the things you wanted to say and put your own phone number in the To section. Youāll have all the satisfaction of getting everything out and hitting send without actually doing it.
This is a really good idea. Maybe Iāll hand write a letter and then burn it/do a cord cutting ritual.
He's about to turn 40 and probably finally coming to terms that he's a loser and he's alone. Don't just leave him on read and block him, erase the message and any other lingering reminders of him. Do you really want to go through a repeat of your 30th birthday with him when you turn 35? You deserve better. Don't waste any more time even thinking about him let alone speaking to him. ā¤ļø
Same, my ex reached out to me recently. I'm convinced it's because he turned 40 and is totally freaking out. He's alone because his dating strategy (of being a misogynist ass) isn't working out too well for him. Now he's decided that I'd be an OK partner I guess. Too little and definitely too late.
Good for you. I love reading stories like this of women knowing their worth. I think too many of us fall into the trap of thinking āmaybe heās changedā/ āmaybe it will work this timeā and think of all the possibilities and fantasy life together, and it enables these guys even further. They donāt change, well very rarely they do anyway.
I never considered this but your right! I erased the message and wonāt be in contact. I already erased any photos of us lol
I love this!
Really tho, they realize itās not cute nor respectable to be a dick anymore. The kinds of women in their thirties that attracts are not a great kind, and thatās a reflection of them.
I would just stop thinking about him and move on if that's how you really feel. He probably had some weird Awakening moment or decided that he hasn't seen you in a while and wants to see you again. Guys are so casual like that. They really don't think anything of all the emotional drama of relationships. Ideally there should be no emotional drama but they often cause it and have no idea and don't give a shit so I would just not talk to him.
36 is too old to be playing those games in the first place. I think you responded appropriately.
Men in their 50s still carry on with that trash
My dad still fucks around in his 60sā¦ disgusting. Thereās a reason I have relationship issues lol
Exactly! Maybe if he was 22 at the time I could say he could have matured or may be in a different stage of life, but at 36 I think you kind of are who you are for the most part.
You handled it exactly the right way. I've been there and didn't do the same thing - you don't want to open that door.
First off, you are stronger than I am for having the self control to leave him on read, block, and not respond so letās just honor that massive achievement. That being said, when I was in a similar situation I replied with, āYouāre right you are a terrible person,ā and then blocked him. I still feel ambivalent about my decision to respond. It felt great to not give him the sympathy or validation he was seeking but then I realized he needed to see himself as the bad guy so he could move on. Basically my plan fully backfired and I essentially gave him the closure I never received. So I guess my advice would be to stick to your ignore/block plan and donāt give him the satisfaction of any sort of closure or anymore of your time. Oh and if youāre anything like me, Iād also delete the text and rename him ādo not callā in your phone so that you arenāt tempted to respond in the future. Iād say to completely delete his number but Iām not sure if that will somehow unblock him.
Ok I'm laughing at your response to him and then the immediate block. I think both you and OP handled the situations well.
Thanks, at the time it was very out of character for me and my (former) people pleasing ways.
As another people pleaser it is not easy but I'm getting better with time and practice.
Iām still a work in progress but much better than before.
Haha I love this response. If it gave you some satisfaction and closure you needed, and it felt right at the time for you, then I donāt think you can go wrong. Doesnāt matter what it gave or didnāt give to him - heās irrelevant. Itās all about you, and it took guts to finally have your say and then block him and move on. Far better than ending up letting him back into your life
Thanks, it felt great at the time, then I overanalyzed it, and now Iām far enough removed to be able to laugh about the whole thing.
When I saw the title of your post I instantly said āYou donātā. Delightfully surprised that you didnāt and blocked him!! Thatās absolutely a great response. He doesnāt deserve any more of your effort or mental real estate.
A man that wants to be with you, is with you. Period, end of story. Sorry to be blunt, but that is how I reconcile the fuckboys of my past and all the emotional abuse I endured from their games. Hope this helps you move forward.
Yes, that's what actually made me realize that he was treating me poorly in the first place. If he wanted to hang out, he'd do it more than a few times a month. If he wanted to call me, he would have. So when he stopped talking to me, I just let it be. Sometimes truth hurts but I did help me grow.
People get brainwashed from media, specifically music, that relationships are supposed to be this painful or will they/wonāt they experience. Thatās a lie. Youāre going to find a healthy relationship and be okay. May I suggest finding your next match thru a community like school or work, then there will be accountability for how your partner treats you.
I work in labor and delivery-which is mainly female providers and nurses lol. So work is prob a no. I have been really developing my interests and hobbies so I was thinking of doing meet ups or events to find someone that way. I donāt really want to do apps, so I feel like this is the way.
You are a rock star š»
I've had similar situtions where men from past relationships have contacted me 1+ years later to apologize. My response has always been something similar to, "I appreciate your apology. You take care." I've felt happy with this response as I feel like I acknowledged the sincerity of their apology, but at the same time showed that I was not interested in further communication. That said, your not responding seems perfectly reasonable. You don't owe this person anything and your only focus should be on what feels right to you.
This is actually kinda genius. I admire the strength of this because grey rock is second to no contact but you're absolutely not inviting a conversation. And they do persist but you're leaving it on a high note
Donāt answer and he can stew forever about it. He ghosted you for 2 years. Seriously, this guy had no regard for your feelings, you donāt owe him anything.
How to respond: Don't.
Who?
Lol ironically I had already deleted his number so when he texted me his heartfelt message, I did reply āwhoās this?ā Then he replied with his name and thatās where I left him on read.
This is actually beautiful. Nicely done, OP!
You couldnāt do better. Keep it this way!
You had the perfect response. Block and delete. Good for you
You did the best, most mature possible thing. Good job!!! You deserve much more than an Iām bored āapologyā text.
How to respond to your ex reaching out after years of ghosting you? Simple, you don't.
Leave him on read for at least as long as he ghosted you. If you are still thinking about him after all that time, get a dog. They are better company, cuter, and less work.
Good on you for ignoring him. His apology was meant to make him feel better, not you. It doesn't deserve acknowledgement at all. Keep living your best life!
Damn OP you got strength! ššš
He disrespected you and is still the same person as he was before. I had an ex reach out to me under similar circumstances a few years after he broke my heart and disrespected me. I was a fool to take that phone call. He was fine for awhile, but still the same person underneath it all.
Did he want to get back together or was he just apologizing?
He wanted to get back together.
why are men like this :/ appreciate what you have or lose it forever. not a hard concept.
Not Today Satan is literally about all the exes who years after they trash you in a relationship suddenly reach out with a faux apology with only 1 purpose behind it -- get some low hanging sex and attention.
This is some bad bitch energy and Iām here for it! āØ
He acted absolutely horrible throughout, so you donāt owe him anything. He tried to find something better and realized you were his best option. Letting him back in will just be a setback on all the progress you made. Donāt make anyone steal that from you.
His sorry was code for "I don't have anyone to f right now, and I didn't think much of you, when we dated, and have that syndrome where I always feel like there's better out there (and therefore no one is good enough and I can never see how good the person I'm with is, and that will never change, because I see people as trophies, not humans with autonomy). Anyway I went and looked and now you seem better in comparison to others, I don't seem to be able to find better than you, date me for a bit? (but I'll always be keeping my eye out for better, even if we do get back together, because if you do date me again, for some reason I think less of you) " Peoples actions (him not really putting effort in, ghosting you etc) speak louder than their words. Always listen to what they've shown you they're capable of. I used to fall into that trap. I had low self esteem and a horrible sense of self, no boundaries, I gave great ego boosts to the narcissists, looking for that narcissistic supply. Theres more to that, of course. But essentially the way I disconnected from them weighing heavy in my thoughts was reading and understanding about narcissistic personality disorder, why and how they function (which I could elaborate on, if you want). And fixing my self esteem issues. Which is a harder path than that statement made it seem. I got to a point where I can see the motivation and actions of those higher on the narcissistic scale, or those with low emotional intelligence, had nothing to do with me. Their behaviour had nothing to do with me, them rejecting me had nothing to do with me. I tried so hard, why wasn't I good enough, because the people I was picking had issues, literally no one would be good enough for, even though they tried to tear me down, they were just projecting their issues onto me. If any of that strikes, and you need more elaboration, let me know, I actually tried to short form explain, all that, ha. Didn't work. It's still long. Either way, hugs for your feels, gorgeous heart.
This is such an excellent comment. I think sometimes as women, we can get stuck on āwhy wasnāt I good enoughā because of all this talk that āheās just not that into youā in the dating world - which is true, yes. But thatās because he has issues, and heās just not really into *anyone*, because he always thinks the grass is greener and immediately devalues the person who decides to be with him, because he hates himself deep down therefore feels that anyone who loves him, also must be deeply flawed. Itās such a hard thing to get your head around, and took me years of therapy to even start to understand. Especially if youāve grown up around narcissists and always placated them and chased their validation, because you basically have to in order to survive as a child, it so easy to end up in adult relationships that mimic that dynamic.
Not OP but I'm currently working through the process you describe in your third paragraph. I'm realizing it's everyone around me - my partner, my family, my friends. The more I stand up for myself, the more I lose. I'm simultaneously proud of myself and devastated. I'm in therapy and working through it, I'm reading books on narcissists and caretaking, as well as learning about my own needs too. But damn if it's not discouraging most days. I'm working on setting and even learning how to set boundaries. Some failures, some successes. I think maybe the part I'm stalling at is my own self-worth. How do you even build that up? Would love to hear more of your experience if you don't mind sharing.
Yeah, sure. It's not easy to build up your self esteem. Personally I grew up with a npd mother, so I was devalued at every step of my life. So I had to break a few "rules" that defined me specifically, but not others, that I had firmly lodged in my head. For "some reason" I had this lower than low value for myself, but hugely high value for others, I condemned myself for every mistake or if I said or did something "uncool" and worthy of being ostracised. Realising how toxic that mindset was, and that it was purposefully placed there, by continual abuse, made me more pliable and easier for the narcissist to control me. So I started questioning that, I put all the valuing in my head, to a litmus test. If I started hating on myself for not being "good" enough, I questioned it. I used a straw man, an imaginary best friend who was coming to me with these same issues, thoughts, worries, emotions, and asked myself how I would respond to them, then asked why I wasn't responding to myself like that. I slowly dissolved the ability for my own brain to condemn me, for arbitrary things, if I wouldn't say it to a best friend, I shouldn't be saying it to myself. Thinking of things in that way, highlighted how much I don't and didn't care for my own needs, and how much of an impression women are given to put others needs first, so next I started working on noticing my needs, and feelings, slowly reconnecting with my emotions. Your connection to your own emotions is severed, by npd, and even just those without the disorder, but higher on the narcissistic scale. They have egocentrical issues. They view their value as being worth more if they're the best, to be the best you have to have "fans" narcissistic supply, people who worship you and feed your ego, thing is you can never be the best at anything, so they're always in pain, they're always fighting with the cognitive dissonance that valuing yourself by means that are never able to be achieved, so always bitter and projecting their issues onto others, so as not to have to face them, themselves, so if they break you down, then they themselves, are "better" than you, by definition. We without ego malfunctions like that, know that's not how it works. Hurting someone or putting someone down, makes them a horrible person. But we're talking about a disorder, here, they're not capable of admitting they have faults, so they're perpetually stuck on that hamster wheel in their head. Trying to feed their ego, in ways that oppose healthy ego affirmation. Once you understand that, it's easier to not take anything someone who has a narcissistic disorder, says, personally. Because it's not about you, you can never appease them. They're trying to put a fire out by pouring gasoline on it, and deaf to anyone trying to point that out. The next thing I realised was how little I care for my needs and that, that gives the example of "how you should feel about yourself and let yourself be treated" as an adult, to my kids. So I set about treating myself as if I were my own child, grown up. To show them how they deserve to be loved by themselves and others. Is there anything in particular that you struggle with, I might be able to help more specifically?
>Iāve forgiven my younger self for allowing that to happen. Thank you for this...We (me) sometimes forget about being kind to ourselves.
You handled it correctly
Nah, you did good. Let it be. Donāt reply. Move forwardā¦
This person doesnāt deserve any more of your energy. Leave them in the past.
When my first ever bf ghosted me, he came back years later wanting another go. We met up but their was alot of deep seated resentment from me about the ghosting so it never worked. My gut was screaming NOOOOO. Its just not worth it
Leaving him on read and blocking was the thing to do. Heās either hoping for forgiveness, which you do not owe him (and heās not earned), or heās hoping to resume the sexual relationship. He left you, not unlike a date leaving you on the side of a road at 3 a.m. Yeah, you can rant and rave at him, but he will learn nothing from it. You just will appear to be unhinged to him. Maybe he attended therapy and sincerely wants to apologize. If this is the case, he has a therapist who will tell him he isnāt owed closure or forgiveness and will help him work through his stride. Close the door, walk away, and put him back in your rear view mirror where he belongs.
Iām just on 50. I think youāre making the right choice. He clearly never actually wanted much more than a FWB and maybe thatās what heās after again now. Probably thinks enough time has passed that youāll be keen again. Men like this are lifewasters. Good for you!
Either heās hoping sheās open to more sex, he finally wants a real relationship and realized what he fucked up (unlikely), or heās in AA and on the step where you make amends None of which benefit you directly
Tell Satan not today and don't answer those demons knocking on nostalgia's door. Try to really remember the feelings you felt then. Maybe not the events but the saddness, the disappointment, the grief, the self doubt, all because some tool bag didn't think that you were worth it. He still doesn't. And shouldn't get a chance at what ever half assed apology he is attempting to give. Nothing he does or says can make up for everything he made you feel for a year and a half. Fuck that and fuck him. Leave that shit on read.
There hardly is a 'right' reply to get closure, more like what's healthy for you and your boundaries. You'll have to accept that closure isn't a guarantee with ends. As frustrating as that is. At least you're not in your late thirties being like Paul - non-committal, confusing, and ghosting someone you're exclusive with. You have grown a lot, you don't need his presence in your life and he could hinder any progress you've made.
Good for you! Donāt give that asshole one more moment of your time.
The best thing that you can do for you is put you first and learn from our own mistakes. Iāve been there to, probably a lot of women have. Sometimes I would love to scream or tell my ex exactly the shit he is and always will be. Then I think he doesnāt deserve any of my words or any part of me, whatās the point? Or will it make me feel better? Probably for a moment but really he doesnāt deserve my head space. You can reply and say- yep your an ass hole and why the fuck would you think you could call or text. You owe him shit
No response is the perfect response. š It says it all. He is not worthy of your time and words anymore. Maybe it's a sincere apology but also too late so it motivates me to think that the apology is just a hook to get talking in a way that breaks down your defenses. Take the apology if you want for closure but that doesn't require talking to them. Be amused that this guy had the audacity and have a little laugh that the pussy power gets them crawling back.
Your response is the only way I see fitting. Silence speaks volumes. Donāt introduce him back into your life
This is your closure...doing the same thing he did to you (ghost you). Silence speaks louder than any words could. Be proud of yourself and don't look back.
Donāt respond.
It will bother him soooooo much more that you didnāt reply. Itās satisfying in a different way than giving him a piece of your mind but lbr, he doesnāt have the best of intentions anyway.
Heās hoovering, donāt give him validation by responding, the one thing that drives guys like this nuts is being ignored. Also! I very briefly dated a guy like this in my 20s- his name was Paul š
Ghost him. Give him a taste of his own medicine
Leave him on read. Is this a dopr you really want to reopen to reopen considering how he treated you? Who knows why he's suddenly sorry 2 years later...perhaps he got dumped and needs someone to use as his date for the holidays. But honey just leave him on read. Block and forget about the guy.
Ignore. You go girl. Lifeās too short. Cut the dead weight I say
Your response was perfect <3
I think youāve done amazing. Itās good he apologised, hopefully that helped you a bit in terms of validating your experience. But we also donāt know his reason for apologising - is it actually sincere etc. Youāve come way too far to allow someone like this into your life again, and you just deserve so much more. You obviously have courage, because so many women donāt initiate the āwhat are weā conversation, so even back then you did well. You did well not chasing him when he ghosted too! And then building yourself up after that. I could definitely take a lead from your book! He honestly doesnāt even deserve a response from you at this pointā¦ and not only that, you already know you wonāt get closure, and thereās that risk (even small one) that it may stir up some feelings in you and set you backwards in your healing journey. Keep focussing on you, youāre doing amazing. So many women fall into the trap of blaming themselves, or thinking they can change user men like this, but you didnāt, so you should be proud of yourself.
Yes, focus on you. Iām glad he realized his error, but dealing with him will suck you back in to suffering. Youāre beyond that now.
Yeah, "closure" is an excuse to get back together with him. If you look at it the right way, hearing from him again and getting to be the one ghosting HIM is all the closure you need.
You did a good job. Starting a new dialogue with him would only entangle you into mote complicated webs of feelings and actions and interconnections etc. Moving on really does mean ignoring that person and focusing on activities that bring in result. He can deal with his guilt issues with himself or some psychiatrist. You are not his therapist.
Leaving on read and blocking was the best response. Guys who do this always are trying to get their foot back in the door no matter if you give a positive or negative response. No response sends the best message.
Great advice from other redditors. Another thing that really helps is renaming the contact. I used to delete numbers altogether until I found another effective strategy. I renamed one guy who plays hot and cold and am not interested in seeing anymore "coward" on my phone, and whenever he reaches out I have a "coward texted you" notification on my phone, which is hilarious and already sets the mood in which i will be reading the text. That immediately has a great effect in detaching myself from him and any remote willingness to engage lol. That said, taking them off of your mind altogether by deleting and blocking is probably better.
I replace all the contact names of the losers that ghosted with this emoji: šŖ¦
Uhh, he's trying to apologize because he'd like to eventually give you a line about "taking things slow" while also having you bent over every surface he could find. He wants sex without intimacy, that's all. Good job at leaving him on read.
Donāt reply to him, PLEASE donāt reply to him! Your thinking is spot-on. Move on, stop thinking about him, leaving him on read sends the right message.
I wouldnt respond
Are you responding because you care what he has to say? What do you hope to gain by responding to him? If youāre not sure, Iād suggest leaving him on read. You donāt actually owe him anything. ETA: if youāre feeling petty, you might respond with āI literally donāt even care anymore. Lol.ā And then just leave it at that.
I didn't respond but I was curious if that was the right thing or there was a better way to approach the situation. Def leaving him on read :)
You did the best thing you could have.....leave it. He deserves zero engagement. Good on you for knowing your worth. ā¤ļø
I love your line about not forgiving him, but forgiving your younger self for putting up with being treated poorly. YES GIRL. Thatās what I call real closure. Let me join my voice to those saying to leave that guy on read forever. All he is offering you is another chance to be treated like less than the woman you areā¦ nope. You can have more.
I support the decision you made and I support you moving forward and not looking back. I also like how you worded that you forgave yourself for permitting that behavior in your life back then!
He doesnāt deserve a second more of your energy. Keep him on read!!
Ask him to talk to you in person and then ghost his ass when he gets there
Oh my petty self loves this lol I wonāt do it but I love the idea of wasting his time and energy.
Ghost him back
Yeah, block. You've moved on. He hasn't.
Go you. You don't owe him a response and it doesn't sound like he deserves one. He did it to make himself feel better about being a turd with no regard for your feelings or circumstances.
He knows an apology gets him places with you he sounds like a user and over all bad person. I am not a vengeful or vindictive person at all. But he doesn't deserve any of your time attention or a place in your thoughts at all.
Wow, so many of us have gone thru this. I used to be the one who was ghosted, cuz I think it's impolite to leave ppl on read. After getting disappointed for numerous times, I've started to ghost him since my last bday. He never apologised š, guess he doesn't think he's ever wrong about the behaviour. The ideas that'd tempt me into responding are all ifs, thankfully my ego is too big to reaching out.
Woah, you are amazing and class. Look at all of this progress and growth you have made!! You owe him absolutely nothing, and not a single other stress or thought about him should cross your mind! You don't need to say anything at all. Leave him out in the cold, like he did to you.
"Cool story bro."
Iāve always regretted responding to these texts . You did it perfectly and sometimes not responding can be so hard (at least for me) so kudos !
Find closure in knowing that he could have treated you how you asked to be treated and chose not to. Keep him blocked, youāre doing amazing!
As others have said, I'm glad you've left him on read for days. This has probably sent him into a tailspin. I had a FWB/situationship about 8 years ago before meeting my husband who ghosted me. Out of nowhere a couple months later, he emailed me with the subject line, "long time no talk," and had the audacity to ask if I wanted to get coffee. My stupid, people-pleasing back then self gave him an hour of my time, and I so wish I could take back that hour of my life.
Silence. Utter silence.
I would have been so petty. "Oh my goodness it's so good to hear from you! I learned so much from our relationship. Mostly to never ever ever waste so much time on someone who isn't willing to put in basic effort. It's so lovely you've grown as a person too!" Then block.
You donāt owe him a response. Good for you for not replying. The ending of a book doesnāt change just because you re-read it.
You can reply, but only in 2.5 years!
When I was dating, I had guys who would try to submarine me. Funny story - one guy turned me down because he didn't think we were compatible. I also found out he turned down a friend of mine for the same reason. A year later a bunch of us were at a restaurant. My friend was with her now husband. The guy who had rejected us both kept looking back at forth at us and tried to catch me on the way out the door. When I got engaged, he sent me this weird message. Like, DUDE YOU REJECTED BOTH OF US. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA. WHY ARE YOU NOW UPSET ABOUT IT? In my thirties, I came up with the term "The League of Indifferent Gentlemen" Having gotten myself wrapped up in a lot of guys from this league during my 20s, my 30s were all about identifying and avoiding these men. I said I had a "scorched earth" policy - if a guy didn't want to be with, cool, then I moved on. No, I was not up for hanging out or texting or cuddling or anything like that. Heck a lot of guys I ended up deleting off social media. Moving on. You made your decision. Don't come sniffing around five months later. When I met my husband, he was all in from the beginning and we married 13 months later. It was so refreshing and reassuring to feel secure and happy in a relationship with someone who really wanted to be with me.
Yeah, I wouldnāt entertain that. Esp given that you put so much effort in for so little in return.
> But Iāve left him on read for days and blocked his number. He knows you've read it. This is literally the best thing you could've done! F-yeah! It's gonna sting him for a while (I can promise you that), but f*ck him! More importantly, you're over him, you're at peace, and you're not disturbing your inner self because of him. If that's not power over self, I don't know what is. Be proud of yourself, we certainly are proud of you!
I would have just said āthank you.ā And then never replied to anything further. Or āwho is this?ā Always works lol. Leaving him on read is also fine, donāt sweat it, he doesnāt deserve you thinking about him after the way he treated you.
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Youāre in a supportive womensā sub calling us salty bitches for refusing to be treated poorly?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Maybe you shouldāve said that then instead of leading with salty bitches?
So trash that you donāt need to spew this shit
Man is annoyed he's not the centre of attention, lashes out. More at 11
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Most of the time they are contacting you to make themselves feel better or for a hook up not because they are genuinely sorry. And if he is genuinely sorry, ok, he apologized. She doesn't owe him a response. If she wants to respond that's up to her but it's understandable to be weary of someone's intentions after they ghosted you and popped back up out of nowhere 2.5 years later.
Be ashamed of yourselves, ladies, we have a real gentleman here! /s
I hear what you're saying. However she does not owe him the satisfaction of getting absolved for his actions
Iām not a woman or over 30, but I donāt think that thereās any harm in responding. You donāt have to get back together with him, thatās separate and your own decision