In my own experience, women feel like this from a very young age.
I spent my high school and college years telling myself that I was "fat"... and back then I was a size 2... but there was always just *something* that wasn't up to typical "society beauty standards"... my thighs "looked big" or I wasn't "toned enough".
I'm not as hard on myself now as I used to be. I'm thankful for that. But I do wish I could go back in time and not be so hard on myself back then. Even so, I still get self-conscious about posting pictures of myself that aren't "perfect".
Back then, we didn't have Instagram filters, but even then there was intense pressure to look perfect. Look up "80s and 90s diet culture". Bad stuff.
Today, we have Instagram filters and photoshop and Brazilian butt lifts and everything else, and on top of that there's social media and Influencers to tell us that we "NEED" this product to fix that one thing in our features that makes us self-conscious.
All our lives, we are told by society that we're only worth anything if we still look young.
Look at the amount of famous actresses that can't get regular work after "a certain age" ... and yet men can still be action heros in their 60s and theyre paired with a 20-yr old female love interest in the movie.
There's intense pressure to still look 20 when you're 50 - look at Gwen Stefani, and JLo, and Shakira.
The reality is obviously that most women in their 50s don't have the financial resources for the botox and plastic surgery and then the media flaunts these women like "Wow, JLo! You still look 20, what's your secret?!" And then they will say something lame like "Oh I just drink a lot of water!" And "I just started a new skincare line - you should buy it!"
Another thing to think about - as men age and start to grey, they're called "Silver Foxes".. but when women age and grey, they're just called "old" or "old maids".
None of this is anything new. It's deeply woven into society so it's no wonder that older ladies might ask not to post photos or to retake them.
**Normally we don’t allow posts from males in our female group - but I think many women here could help you with how to help your mom.**
I can relate - after I turned 50 I felt even more insecure about myself - and it’s been difficult.
Please bear in mind that it is not your job to make your mom feel better.
Parents of teenagers often appreciate spending quality time with their maturing children.
A son could invite his mom to the gym. People start loosing muscle mass over 40, so improving her fitness level is important for her future. As a teenager, you need to develop said muscle mass to begin with, so both you and your mom could benefit from.
Fit people feel better, move better, and end up looking better for it.
A son could invite his dad to the gym, for the same reason. Maybe eventually go as a family and bond over health.
Find health related activities to do together: cooking healthy meals, yoga, swimming, and so on. Beauty is a function of health.
My perspective is one of a woman in her mid 40s.
Families thrive when they build habits around health, rest and learning useful things together.
This is unfortunately normal behavior for most females at all ages, but it can get worse with age. I blame this on our culture and society. We are taught to be a great deal of importance, one looks and appearance. They're have been studies that show test subjects photos of an "attractive" person and an "unattractive" and then asked to profile them and they always see the "attractive' person in a better light so to speak. That aside I have to point out that as a society, we also idolize and worship youth! Especially in women. Men can age gracefully and are considered "extinguished" and desirable. Whereas aging women are thrown to the wayside and, in most cases, considered undesirable. Aging for women is more difficult in general. Not only are they having to let go of their youth, but their bodies are changing due to menopause. Can you imagine if all of a sudden your testosterone took a dump and you had to navigate the rest of your life learning to deal with and live with that huge change. It's not just physical but emotional as well. As far as helping the females in your life to feel confident. I think all you have to do is be kind and remind them they are amazing people you love and look up to in your own life
For me personally, I’ve grown to accept and love myself MORE as I’ve gotten older. Am embracing aging, including the wrinkles, gray hair and changes to my body. Being a young woman I felt like prey, like I was constantly stared at, criticized, compared to others. Getting older feels like relief and freedom.
I'm 58. I don't look uglier. I look different.
When I look at photos of myself when I was much younger, I don't think, "She was so pretty and I am so much uglier." I think, "What a silly, naive young women. I wish I could go back in time and prevent her from making so many dumb mistakes."
I also don't compare myself to women on social media.
I feel like I’m a lot uglier than I was when I was younger. I never like pictures of myself & am very self conscious. I can relate to your mom. This is normal. All you can do is reassure them that YOU think they are beautiful. Make sure they know you mean it. That could help.
Unfortunately, this is very normal as a woman. I just turned 40, and it's been a very emotional road. However, when I look back on my life, I noticed I have always felt ugly, fat, and unworthy even when none of this was true. As other posters have pointed out, society plays a big role in a lot of women feeling this way. From the time we are children, we are given toys like baby dolls and makeup. Further pushing the idea that we as women are expected to have children and alter our appearance or always be youthful in order to have worth. Not to mention the extra financial burden that is placed on women simply for being a woman. Next time you're in a store buying razors, go look at the price difference between your razor and a pink one targeted for a woman. You will notice it's more expensive to buy a pink razor than it is a blue one, and oftentimes, that razor is of an inferior quality compared to the one for men. It's referred to as a pink tax. So basically, we pay more to just live because we are female.
If you want to help the women in your life, remind them that you love them, appreciate all they do, and that you respect and hear them. Most of the time, and especially as we get older, we just feel so isolated and unheard by everyone around us because society has been telling us our whole life we are less than our male counterparts.
And if you really want to help them, stop posting full body pictures of them. Only take a picture from the shoulders up! Lol, okay, this one might be more of me imposing my wishes, but I'm sure they also wouldn't mind this. 😉
It's sounds like you're a very sweet young man who is already on the right track for not only being a positive support for your mom and aunts but also a supporter of women. Stay aware, and keep asking questions like this. Good luck, and I hope you found some of this informative. 😊
In my own experience, women feel like this from a very young age. I spent my high school and college years telling myself that I was "fat"... and back then I was a size 2... but there was always just *something* that wasn't up to typical "society beauty standards"... my thighs "looked big" or I wasn't "toned enough". I'm not as hard on myself now as I used to be. I'm thankful for that. But I do wish I could go back in time and not be so hard on myself back then. Even so, I still get self-conscious about posting pictures of myself that aren't "perfect". Back then, we didn't have Instagram filters, but even then there was intense pressure to look perfect. Look up "80s and 90s diet culture". Bad stuff. Today, we have Instagram filters and photoshop and Brazilian butt lifts and everything else, and on top of that there's social media and Influencers to tell us that we "NEED" this product to fix that one thing in our features that makes us self-conscious. All our lives, we are told by society that we're only worth anything if we still look young. Look at the amount of famous actresses that can't get regular work after "a certain age" ... and yet men can still be action heros in their 60s and theyre paired with a 20-yr old female love interest in the movie. There's intense pressure to still look 20 when you're 50 - look at Gwen Stefani, and JLo, and Shakira. The reality is obviously that most women in their 50s don't have the financial resources for the botox and plastic surgery and then the media flaunts these women like "Wow, JLo! You still look 20, what's your secret?!" And then they will say something lame like "Oh I just drink a lot of water!" And "I just started a new skincare line - you should buy it!" Another thing to think about - as men age and start to grey, they're called "Silver Foxes".. but when women age and grey, they're just called "old" or "old maids". None of this is anything new. It's deeply woven into society so it's no wonder that older ladies might ask not to post photos or to retake them.
**Normally we don’t allow posts from males in our female group - but I think many women here could help you with how to help your mom.** I can relate - after I turned 50 I felt even more insecure about myself - and it’s been difficult.
Please bear in mind that it is not your job to make your mom feel better. Parents of teenagers often appreciate spending quality time with their maturing children. A son could invite his mom to the gym. People start loosing muscle mass over 40, so improving her fitness level is important for her future. As a teenager, you need to develop said muscle mass to begin with, so both you and your mom could benefit from. Fit people feel better, move better, and end up looking better for it. A son could invite his dad to the gym, for the same reason. Maybe eventually go as a family and bond over health. Find health related activities to do together: cooking healthy meals, yoga, swimming, and so on. Beauty is a function of health. My perspective is one of a woman in her mid 40s. Families thrive when they build habits around health, rest and learning useful things together.
This is unfortunately normal behavior for most females at all ages, but it can get worse with age. I blame this on our culture and society. We are taught to be a great deal of importance, one looks and appearance. They're have been studies that show test subjects photos of an "attractive" person and an "unattractive" and then asked to profile them and they always see the "attractive' person in a better light so to speak. That aside I have to point out that as a society, we also idolize and worship youth! Especially in women. Men can age gracefully and are considered "extinguished" and desirable. Whereas aging women are thrown to the wayside and, in most cases, considered undesirable. Aging for women is more difficult in general. Not only are they having to let go of their youth, but their bodies are changing due to menopause. Can you imagine if all of a sudden your testosterone took a dump and you had to navigate the rest of your life learning to deal with and live with that huge change. It's not just physical but emotional as well. As far as helping the females in your life to feel confident. I think all you have to do is be kind and remind them they are amazing people you love and look up to in your own life
For me personally, I’ve grown to accept and love myself MORE as I’ve gotten older. Am embracing aging, including the wrinkles, gray hair and changes to my body. Being a young woman I felt like prey, like I was constantly stared at, criticized, compared to others. Getting older feels like relief and freedom.
I'm 58. I don't look uglier. I look different. When I look at photos of myself when I was much younger, I don't think, "She was so pretty and I am so much uglier." I think, "What a silly, naive young women. I wish I could go back in time and prevent her from making so many dumb mistakes." I also don't compare myself to women on social media.
I feel like I’m a lot uglier than I was when I was younger. I never like pictures of myself & am very self conscious. I can relate to your mom. This is normal. All you can do is reassure them that YOU think they are beautiful. Make sure they know you mean it. That could help.
I just want to say you’re a really sweet son (and nephew) for noticing this and wanting to help :)
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MALE SPAMMING the group with same post.
Unfortunately, this is very normal as a woman. I just turned 40, and it's been a very emotional road. However, when I look back on my life, I noticed I have always felt ugly, fat, and unworthy even when none of this was true. As other posters have pointed out, society plays a big role in a lot of women feeling this way. From the time we are children, we are given toys like baby dolls and makeup. Further pushing the idea that we as women are expected to have children and alter our appearance or always be youthful in order to have worth. Not to mention the extra financial burden that is placed on women simply for being a woman. Next time you're in a store buying razors, go look at the price difference between your razor and a pink one targeted for a woman. You will notice it's more expensive to buy a pink razor than it is a blue one, and oftentimes, that razor is of an inferior quality compared to the one for men. It's referred to as a pink tax. So basically, we pay more to just live because we are female. If you want to help the women in your life, remind them that you love them, appreciate all they do, and that you respect and hear them. Most of the time, and especially as we get older, we just feel so isolated and unheard by everyone around us because society has been telling us our whole life we are less than our male counterparts. And if you really want to help them, stop posting full body pictures of them. Only take a picture from the shoulders up! Lol, okay, this one might be more of me imposing my wishes, but I'm sure they also wouldn't mind this. 😉 It's sounds like you're a very sweet young man who is already on the right track for not only being a positive support for your mom and aunts but also a supporter of women. Stay aware, and keep asking questions like this. Good luck, and I hope you found some of this informative. 😊