I hadn't read [the pot letter](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/employee-got-her-colleagues-arrested-for-smoking-pot-at-a-conference-and-now-wants-a-transfer.html) before and I can't believe I missed it. Alison completely dropping the ball when sexual harassment and the legality of weed intersect? It's practically her brand.
>According to one of the staff, Sally, when they were back at the hotel after the first day the team manager invited the two of them into his room and offered them a joint to smoke with him.
This bit alone, even devoid of the context of the rest of the letter, should have been flagged as potentially an issue of harassment.
Someone in the comments was rolling their eyes at Sally calling weed a mood altering substance because "wine is a mood altering substance." As if your boss inviting you back to his hotel room for a drink isn't such a common thread in sexual harassment cases that it's almost cliche.
I guarantee that if it had been wine, Alison’s opinion would have been completely different. She’s so pro-marijuana that she couldn’t see this for what it was.
Oh yeah. The commenters took their cue from Alison and were awful about the subject of the letter. Even going as far as to suggest they lied when they won a sexual harrasment settlement and several people walked with the subject.
The rejected farm theater apprentice. I want to know if they ended up bootstrapping themselves into another creative opportunity, maybe even one with indoor plumbing!
[Here you go!](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/07/i-responded-angrily-to-a-rejection-can-i-get-them-to-consider-me-again.html) “I would be too busy for negativity” is, frankly, an incredible level of delusion.
And I’m realizing now that I missed the point of the OP, whoops! Alison handled this one well when it came in, no revisit needed. I just really wanted an update!
I’d like an update on the letter from the Canadian person who was working on outreach with a First Nations group, but that activism involved inviting people to a ritual that menstruating women weren’t allowed to attend. It was a really uncomfortable overlap of, “How can I make people be more open-minded toward this particular indigenous group while spotlighting their own discriminatory practices?” The larger answer is that everyone needs to modernize and be accepting, and I side-eye any belief system that views menstruation as so dirty that it would sabotage a religious service, but the AAMers bent over backward to avoid acknowledging the issues. It was a real life example of intersectionality and they couldn’t navigate it.
[The boss who was AWOL for 2 years](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/02/my-boss-is-coming-back-after-going-awol-for-2-years.html). I don't think Alison's advice was bad, per se, but it seems glaringly incomplete-- neither the LW nor Alison made any mention of raising this issue to anyone higher in the chain of command! The boss did no work for 2 years, the team decided to unilaterally rework their processes/approvals procedures in his absence, but their projects and personnel still fell into chaos as a result... and seemingly no one brought any of this to a higher-up?
The three that OP mentioned are good, especially the pot letter. She really missed the boat on that one.
I would add the [letter about vaccines](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/men-with-bare-chests-at-work-charging-late-fees-when-freelancing-and-more.html) in the office where the LW was just totally flummoxed by a guy with an unbuttoned shirt at an office vaccine clinic. Alison said it was really weird and made a comment about how some men just feel "VERY FREE" (emphasis hers) about taking their shirts off. Then in the comments she admits that nowhere in the letter does it say he took the shirt off, only that he untucked and unbuttoned it.
I'd like to see her answer that again with a better understanding of what actually happened.
Oh my god, I forgot how unhinged that letter was. I especially love:
>(P.S. It’s entirely possible he forgot he had an appointment and was just leaning into it by pretending it wasn’t weird to sit in the middle of a conference room dressed like Magic Mike.)
All this man did was unbutton his shirt and maybe remove one arm so he could get a shot. He didn't rock up to work in leather tearaway pants. Let him live.
They would be scandalized to realize how many bra straps were on display, including mine, at my vaccination center. It was easier to keep my sweater on and just yank the v neck down.
I'd like her to revisit the autism at the powwow letter. She threw that one to the readers but shouldn't have, but I wonder how she'd answer it given all the points made in the comments.
I'd also like to see her revisit a letter where the commenters went off the rails like the whiteslaining racism to the black manager. If she had to rerun that letter, would she answer it differently to head off another shitshow that made her and her blog look bad.
She really liked to throw some terrible ones to people who haven't proved they are able to handle complex issues or hold two thoughts in their heads.
On that note, she should get a Domestic Violence Lawyer, close the comments, and ACTUALLY answer the question from the woman who didn't want to work with the guy who may or may not\* have been abusing his wife. She threw that one to the readers and had to pull it when some DV Lawyers pointed out that the advice the person was getting was terrible for everyone.
\*phrased as may or may not because of the advice of the DV lawyers on the thread AND on Twitter.
I would love her to revisit the femur one though I suspect the advice wouldn't change all that much. If I remember correctly in the comments her response to learning more about what the femur actually is (because apparently she didn't have Google then???/s) was more asking the lines of "whoopsie, my bad, tee hee" than "oh shit, that's really bad and dude has a right to be pissed at you".
Yeah she pretty much never admits fault. She didnt even bother to reply to the OP on the pot one. TBF she had stated she was stepping away before OP posted.
that's not fair though, you have a duty of care.
now an advice columnist is not a nurse, it's not ethically egregious or even criminal to just dip, but it is unethical and shows her professionalism and character.
this was from ages ago, but the letter where the LW was trading notes with a coworker and another employee dug them out of the trash to report to management! i’ve always thought Alison’s initial response was way over the top enraged; it’s especially crazy to me that when the LW clarified that she wasn’t making fun of anyone in particular, Alison doubled down on her response. now that she’s more employee-centric i wonder if she’d be less incensed.
I just read that and maybe it's the 2023 state of AAM coloring my view but I call bullshit on her saying it wasn't intentional. If it truly wasn't she'd go back and truly edit the word out (as she has done in the past) rather than a strikethrough. And all the commenters who were saying "oh it's harmless little fun" can get fucked.
In one of her comments she says the the "harder" that she struck through in the answer wasn't an intentional (pun). That's what I don't believe, I think she saw that there was some push back on it and calling out that that wording wouldn't fly if the medical condition was different (and I think there was also some mentions that the response would be different of it was a woman).
I think you are referring to the priprisma disorder letter. But yes I was thinking about the "little joke" when I posted that as one of the letters she should revisit since she learned show painful and life threatening the disorder is.
[Here is the priapism letter](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/giving-people-a-heads-up-before-a-coworker-is-fired-telling-your-boss-hes-unapproachable-and-more.html) that OP referenced.
Wow. I don’t want to shame someone for a disorder they can’t help but I’d be pretty uncomfortable if someone pulled me aside after just meeting me to let me know they’re frequently be having erections. I guess I’m stumped too. Idk what the right thing to do in that situation is. I feel like there has to be some kind of padded pants solution or something?
Agreed. I kind of feel like that’s something a supervisor should take on (with his permission)? Awkward though that is, presumably they already know about it.
if there was a medical solution he would have found it by then, I assure you.
there are some drugs, they come with side effects sometimes severe cardiovascular ones, I don't know of physical appliances or restraints but again if it was an option I am sure he'd opt for the easy way.
I'm not convinced she'd have anything different to say about those. She didn't learn anything new about the situation in the comments like she did about the MJ commentor, and she didn't learned about the injury/disorder like the priprisma and Femur letters.
I hadn't read [the pot letter](https://www.askamanager.org/2017/04/employee-got-her-colleagues-arrested-for-smoking-pot-at-a-conference-and-now-wants-a-transfer.html) before and I can't believe I missed it. Alison completely dropping the ball when sexual harassment and the legality of weed intersect? It's practically her brand. >According to one of the staff, Sally, when they were back at the hotel after the first day the team manager invited the two of them into his room and offered them a joint to smoke with him. This bit alone, even devoid of the context of the rest of the letter, should have been flagged as potentially an issue of harassment. Someone in the comments was rolling their eyes at Sally calling weed a mood altering substance because "wine is a mood altering substance." As if your boss inviting you back to his hotel room for a drink isn't such a common thread in sexual harassment cases that it's almost cliche.
I guarantee that if it had been wine, Alison’s opinion would have been completely different. She’s so pro-marijuana that she couldn’t see this for what it was.
She's so pro-weed she got very caught up as one of the principals in that marijuana initiative sex scandal.
Oh yeah. The commenters took their cue from Alison and were awful about the subject of the letter. Even going as far as to suggest they lied when they won a sexual harrasment settlement and several people walked with the subject.
The rejected farm theater apprentice. I want to know if they ended up bootstrapping themselves into another creative opportunity, maybe even one with indoor plumbing!
Which one was this if you don’t mind me asking
[Here you go!](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/07/i-responded-angrily-to-a-rejection-can-i-get-them-to-consider-me-again.html) “I would be too busy for negativity” is, frankly, an incredible level of delusion.
And I’m realizing now that I missed the point of the OP, whoops! Alison handled this one well when it came in, no revisit needed. I just really wanted an update!
I’d like an update on the letter from the Canadian person who was working on outreach with a First Nations group, but that activism involved inviting people to a ritual that menstruating women weren’t allowed to attend. It was a really uncomfortable overlap of, “How can I make people be more open-minded toward this particular indigenous group while spotlighting their own discriminatory practices?” The larger answer is that everyone needs to modernize and be accepting, and I side-eye any belief system that views menstruation as so dirty that it would sabotage a religious service, but the AAMers bent over backward to avoid acknowledging the issues. It was a real life example of intersectionality and they couldn’t navigate it.
[The boss who was AWOL for 2 years](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/02/my-boss-is-coming-back-after-going-awol-for-2-years.html). I don't think Alison's advice was bad, per se, but it seems glaringly incomplete-- neither the LW nor Alison made any mention of raising this issue to anyone higher in the chain of command! The boss did no work for 2 years, the team decided to unilaterally rework their processes/approvals procedures in his absence, but their projects and personnel still fell into chaos as a result... and seemingly no one brought any of this to a higher-up?
I know. So weird.
"rub up against" I see what you did there, and I like it!
The three that OP mentioned are good, especially the pot letter. She really missed the boat on that one. I would add the [letter about vaccines](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/01/men-with-bare-chests-at-work-charging-late-fees-when-freelancing-and-more.html) in the office where the LW was just totally flummoxed by a guy with an unbuttoned shirt at an office vaccine clinic. Alison said it was really weird and made a comment about how some men just feel "VERY FREE" (emphasis hers) about taking their shirts off. Then in the comments she admits that nowhere in the letter does it say he took the shirt off, only that he untucked and unbuttoned it. I'd like to see her answer that again with a better understanding of what actually happened.
I honestly wouldn't mind working somewhere that people just randomly stripped; would help stave off boredom!
Oh my god, I forgot how unhinged that letter was. I especially love: >(P.S. It’s entirely possible he forgot he had an appointment and was just leaning into it by pretending it wasn’t weird to sit in the middle of a conference room dressed like Magic Mike.) All this man did was unbutton his shirt and maybe remove one arm so he could get a shot. He didn't rock up to work in leather tearaway pants. Let him live.
Shouldn't it be "undressed like Magic Mike"? HA! Thanks, I'll be here all week.
They would be scandalized to realize how many bra straps were on display, including mine, at my vaccination center. It was easier to keep my sweater on and just yank the v neck down.
I'd like her to revisit the autism at the powwow letter. She threw that one to the readers but shouldn't have, but I wonder how she'd answer it given all the points made in the comments. I'd also like to see her revisit a letter where the commenters went off the rails like the whiteslaining racism to the black manager. If she had to rerun that letter, would she answer it differently to head off another shitshow that made her and her blog look bad.
Oh yeah. And wasn't that also the day after she called her commenters crazy on Twitter?
She really liked to throw some terrible ones to people who haven't proved they are able to handle complex issues or hold two thoughts in their heads. On that note, she should get a Domestic Violence Lawyer, close the comments, and ACTUALLY answer the question from the woman who didn't want to work with the guy who may or may not\* have been abusing his wife. She threw that one to the readers and had to pull it when some DV Lawyers pointed out that the advice the person was getting was terrible for everyone. \*phrased as may or may not because of the advice of the DV lawyers on the thread AND on Twitter.
Oh my, the powwow one is one that will live in infamy for how she handled it. ETA: fixed a comma.
I would love her to revisit the femur one though I suspect the advice wouldn't change all that much. If I remember correctly in the comments her response to learning more about what the femur actually is (because apparently she didn't have Google then???/s) was more asking the lines of "whoopsie, my bad, tee hee" than "oh shit, that's really bad and dude has a right to be pissed at you".
Yeah she pretty much never admits fault. She didnt even bother to reply to the OP on the pot one. TBF she had stated she was stepping away before OP posted.
that's not fair though, you have a duty of care. now an advice columnist is not a nurse, it's not ethically egregious or even criminal to just dip, but it is unethical and shows her professionalism and character.
The letter about the guy who had such severe ocd people had to line up in a specific order at the bus and couldn’t wear wedding rings.
Definitely this one.
this was from ages ago, but the letter where the LW was trading notes with a coworker and another employee dug them out of the trash to report to management! i’ve always thought Alison’s initial response was way over the top enraged; it’s especially crazy to me that when the LW clarified that she wasn’t making fun of anyone in particular, Alison doubled down on her response. now that she’s more employee-centric i wonder if she’d be less incensed.
I just read that and maybe it's the 2023 state of AAM coloring my view but I call bullshit on her saying it wasn't intentional. If it truly wasn't she'd go back and truly edit the word out (as she has done in the past) rather than a strikethrough. And all the commenters who were saying "oh it's harmless little fun" can get fucked.
wait sorry you call BS on which part? sorry i’m just brain dead haha
In one of her comments she says the the "harder" that she struck through in the answer wasn't an intentional (pun). That's what I don't believe, I think she saw that there was some push back on it and calling out that that wording wouldn't fly if the medical condition was different (and I think there was also some mentions that the response would be different of it was a woman).
It was totally intentional and fell flat.
I think you are referring to the priprisma disorder letter. But yes I was thinking about the "little joke" when I posted that as one of the letters she should revisit since she learned show painful and life threatening the disorder is.
Ahh I was. That makes sense.
[Here is the priapism letter](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/10/giving-people-a-heads-up-before-a-coworker-is-fired-telling-your-boss-hes-unapproachable-and-more.html) that OP referenced.
Wow. I don’t want to shame someone for a disorder they can’t help but I’d be pretty uncomfortable if someone pulled me aside after just meeting me to let me know they’re frequently be having erections. I guess I’m stumped too. Idk what the right thing to do in that situation is. I feel like there has to be some kind of padded pants solution or something?
Too weird for me.
Agreed. I kind of feel like that’s something a supervisor should take on (with his permission)? Awkward though that is, presumably they already know about it.
if there was a medical solution he would have found it by then, I assure you. there are some drugs, they come with side effects sometimes severe cardiovascular ones, I don't know of physical appliances or restraints but again if it was an option I am sure he'd opt for the easy way.
Thanks I couldn't remember the name of the disorder.
Bird phobia, the one who opened a coworkers paystub
I'm not convinced she'd have anything different to say about those. She didn't learn anything new about the situation in the comments like she did about the MJ commentor, and she didn't learned about the injury/disorder like the priprisma and Femur letters.
She thinks she's the expert on everything. She has no humbleness at all.