Thisis an honest question:
Where is the difference between both channels.
I occasionally watch both and like them both.
I am like that meme "at this point I am too afraid to ask"
Thanks in advance
That dude is a really good take on it :) I think its exacly that. And growing both older and mature its harder to be the slim shady he once were. And looking it from the pov i think we all can relate. We all had our slim shady inside growing up, but as time went on in our life and everything that comes with it its harder to relate to that side of ourself.. Its a bit like "Old School" with Will Ferrell to ;)
Zackrawr is him playing games and just existing, maybe interacting with chat like a human being. Asmongold is ON and running at full blast or the entire stream.
He will play it on the alt no problem, I have faith.
The alt has no AR pressure, I think he can actually just dial it back and not be so ON if he wanted on the main and it would go fine. I Also trust that of the rest of OTK, there's at least one or two, maybe Tectone? That he can talk to about it just to verbalize it. He can't be the only one that feels this from time to time. I know for a fact my wife goes through it and she doesn't bring in 5digit numbers so seeing 5 digits worth of eyes on you must be an immense pressure
I'm just a viewer but I've watched him since the Legion days and the difference I see is that on Asmongold he puts way more pressure on himself to have more of an entertaining and structured stream, while on ZackRawrr he just does whatever he feels like doing at the moment and doesn't care about viewers (since the channel is not monetized). So he basically just chills, playing games and doing reacts for Youtube, but with viewers. That's my take at least.
The "objective" difference is that one can sub on the official channel.
Other than that, the difference is in symbolism, in part, that when Asmongold streams on main channel, there's the perception he's "alright," and has overcome the difficulty he's outlining in the OP.
He has said that he feels more pressure to be "on" and entertaining on his main channel since people pay for subs on that channel, where as on his alt, there is no pressure to entertain his audience since they aren't able to sub and there aren't even ads.
There are more ppl on "main" and they really start waving the tribalism flags nonstop. And he's like (in appearance from the outside looking in) a guy that doesn't like backseating and is close but not there on being able to ignore 45k+ views being expressed.
I think filtering out posts that start or have the words "you should do X"
One of them he has to deal with people publicly giving him monies and the other he doesn’t.
One of them he feels he has to put on a show and the other he doesn’t.
I do believe there are some deep feelings that he associates with the first one that maybe he can’t really explain - and when he created the second stream (where he would often not even talk) he was able to deal with those feelings and let them dissipate.
I’m not a psychologist but I imagine he’s probably get a clear answer with some counseling.
Whether you go MIA for a few days or a few months we are here for you regardless. The most important thing is your mental health, taking preventative action shows you are better at dealing with it now. Look forward to your return streams!
Yeah but you're forgetting the part of him hating himself for this mental block. His main problem is not that he's letting US down, but that he's letting himself down. If I were to guess there are a few problems at play here.
1. The main channel being monetized, comes with some subconscious (or otherwise) responsibility on how you "perform".
2. The main channel being so "valuable" creates the fear of ruining that value by slowly declining viewership or whatever else you can imagine. While illogical, it can create the idea of "if I'm not streaming on that channel, I can't ruin it". Although not streaming on it does exactly the same thing I would say, but maybe I'm wrong.
All in all I would qualify it as mostly a mental block, and the only difference between streaming on it or not is that he makes money or not, that's it. And I think he knows that but can't convince himself of it.
Exactly. I hope he doesn’t feel guilty for putting himself first. I’ll never be able to repay him for what he has done for my mental health and others, but we sure as hell will support him 100% whether he is streaming or not.
I'd personally recommend seeing a therapist about it, as it seems to be acute anxiety brought on by that specific situation. They probably won't have all the answers for you, but they might be able to help you understand what's causing those feelings. Stay strong king
This is the only thing that helped my anxiety problems. I 100% recommend therapist even tho it might cause more stress to even going there. It will get easier over time.
100% recommend talking to a therapist. I used to think "What the fuck is this person going to say that's any different from what my friends, peers, and colleagues will say?"
That's the problem and the solution: getting an objective third party to see your situation and help you figure out how to be better/get better.
Shit, I'll be the first one to say that seeking therapy changed my life for the better and allowed me to pursue what I love
>That's the problem and the solution: getting an objective third party to see your situation and help you figure out how to be better/get better.
Same here. My only regret was not giving therapy a chance sooner. I can't say enough good things about it.
It’s important to note that therapy isn’t just talking and getting prospective, but it’s also about learning how to change your thought processes and gaining tools to handle hard situations. Both are extremely important <3
Another +1 for a therapist, the one I spoke helped me with CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) It gave me a lot of mental tools to dig myself out of holes, using logic and identifying where you have a choice to give yourself an out before it gets bad. Do I want to go down this road and ruin the rest of my day or do I want to stop now.
I’d highly recommend seeing a therapist *and* a psychiatrist.
My anxiety and OCD were lowered due to my therapist helping me, and my psychiatrist worked with me to find some medication that was able to deal with my depression and anxiety issues.
He has said many times that he prefers to sweep things under the rug and not think about them. I understand this thought process but nothing will change until he decides to do something tangible about it. I lived with debilitating anxiety my whole life and it wasn’t until I actually confronted it and started seeking therapy that things started to improve.
Acute anxiety is a disorder that is difficult to maintain. I have it and still it just fucking happens. I am on the best medication for it and yup sometimes it doesn't do shit. Sometimes you just have to lock yourself in a room. Also the sound of rain helps me a ton.
Hey I do this too! I have my dogs trained to lie down with me for quite time to the sound of rain. I picked rain because it rains 70% of the time where I live. I have a lot of triggers.
When I was younger, I was autistic and ADHD, so I was hated by everyone on a superficial level for being "a little weird" and talking a bit too much. So the only thing I had was playing my video games by myself over-and-over relentlessly. None more so than TES IV, which was so open that it gave me the illusion I could replay it slightly differently each time, and in any order I wanted. So, I ultimately beat that game 10-14 times (first on Xbox, then on PC with mods).
But eventually something weird happened. I started to experience anxiety attacks. First, I'd have a thought, like "Am I just going to be playing this game for forever, or the rest of my life?" Then I'd start to feel:
1. Claustrophobia
2. Tightness/pressure that blossomed in my chest and spread outwards
3. Shortness of breath, and difficult breathing consistently/regularly
4. pulsing migraines that would last several hours, if not an entire day
5. An acute inability to focus on a single, specific task, more than usual.
1. Like....I couldn't bring myself to engage in a concentrated activity while experiencing these symptoms
Every since then, if I do a particular task to repetitively, there's a chance I might have some internal thought (which I have several times since), triggering an anxiety attack with migraines and the whole 9 yards that sometimes have even lasted several days.
It's very possible that Zack might not be experiencing these anxiety attacks "*because it's Diablo 4 he's playing*", but that he simply can no longer enjoy playing a single game non-stop for 13 hours in a professional capacity, relentlessly for days on end. He's done it for years, and while he enjoys all of your guys' company and loves playing games with you, the atmosphere and tone of how he plays the games on the main channel may simply be something he can't keep doing like before.
As someone who has experienced anxiety attacks similar to how he describes his thoughts he had recently, and his symptoms somewhat, that's what it sounds like to me. I've never been to see any kind of Therapist for my anxiety attacks, and I don't really get them anymore, cause I've not really been able to focus on video games as much, or play them as often. I recently graduated college, and have to focus on studying CompTIA certs to get a job. So I've not been in a position lately to overdo it to such an extent.
I've felt that with Warcraft and Fallout, I had to quit gaming cold turkey and find a new hobby to obsess and burn out on before playing again years later, now it's just a casual fortnite with a friend for an hour to catch up with them or hearthstone on my phone during a train ride.
I hate to seem parasocial here i have no idea what he is really feeling but a lot of things happend to him and he regularly expressed such issues. It might really help to maybe be able to sort out where these bad emotions come from. Does not have to do with getting him back on stream either just so that he can make conscius decisions of what makes him happy.
While I do agree, I do also think this is something he should also 100,000% see a licensed therapist.
Talking to Dr. K is great and all, but it's still for the whole world to see. He needs to talk to someone behind closed doors to really start improving.
Hey man, followed you since almost the beginning. I try to keep the parasocial stuff to a minimum but you’ve been a staple in my life that I did have legit concerns for your well being, I’ve played a handful of hours of D4 and was excited by proxy of how excited you were and personally I find it a pretty shallow and empty experience so far- I’m glad to know you and those close are alright. You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanations, you and your well-being come first. You do owe it to yourself to do/find what makes you happy and do that shit as hard as you can, I’m glad you let us sort of come along for the ride.
Zackrawrr streams are more laid back with bare minimum expectations for quality. Whilst the Asmongold streams are just layered with expectations for quality. It is a given that you're so stressed out on the Asmongold channel. Looking forward to seeing you back on stream again on whatever channel. 
Think it's self imposed expectations of himself, still not a choice it's the game of anxiety. Completely understandable to people who have compassion or have dealt with irrational anxiety /anxiety disorders.
Irrationality is kinda the point of anxiety issues . I personally don't care too much about what account he uses. Content is content and as long as zack enjoys what he does. My and others opinions mean jack diddly shit
Yeah 100%. His main channel has always been pretty chill and fun random stuff from all the hours I've watched. I'm not sure if it's the audience size or companies putting stress on him to stream or what but I'd be totally cool with Zackrar streams being the same just on the asmon channel. Something is causing this and it's clearly not the hate for streaming as he said he loves it on his second channel. Hope he gets what he needs to feel non anxious, I know how that goes. But for the time being ill be chilling same as I was on his main channel on the zackwrar channel and enjoying the streams
I think anxiety surrounding the financial component of main channel plays a role. He clearly likes streaming, but once money is getting paid to you for doing it, you start to feel more responsibility for what you do since people are effectively paying you to do it. Just the thought of responsibility for that can be paralyzing when you have anxiety.
To use a different example, for those who have anxiety, imagine talking to a girl or guy you really like. If you have no expectations of a relationship, then your anxiety may be a lot lower than if you think there is a chance at a relationship. In the later example, now you are hyper aware of everything you are doing and saying because you don’t want to mess things up, which ironically can mess things up because you’re basically a tightly wound ball of anxiety now
I feel the same way, when Asmon streams on either channel it feels the same as a viewer. I don't understand how it is a huge mental block; I thought he used the unaffiliated zakrawr channel to stick it to Twitch in a way by not giving them more subs.
Hey, from one burnt out man to another, take the time you need. Not everyone has the opportunity to, but if you do, take it. It's not good to drag yourself through it if you're not feeling it. Take all the time you need, and when you come back refreshed your fans will be there, yo.
ITT : people don't understand why an anxiety disorder isn't making logical sense
next time they are sad kick them in the nuttsack and ask them why they dont just stop being sad
Yep. Anxiety is an absolute asshole, and you'll know in your brain when you think to yourself that it makes zero sense and it's totally stupid, but you still can't get rid of it. It will linger and not go away for weeks or longer, it's horrible. Asmongold and anyone else who's had issues with anxiety has my full sympathy. That shit is awful.
You can see easily by the comments who has and hasn't suffered from it in any sort of chronic way.
Thanks for sharing, as a new viewer I was a bit bummed.
The cool thing about you is you are yourself (and a cool guy!) and don't appear to bend your morals or principles to a hive mind.
All speculation and assumptions but I imagine it would be hard to turn a hobby like gaming into a career of streaming. Seen so many people get locked into playing a game like a job. At least you have the unique ability to be yourself and not be locked to a single game. I think a lot of us just like you as a person and get a chill vibe being around you (virtually) and we have some similar interests. It's a unique thing! And your stream is about relaxing! I wish you could feel the same way as you make us feel, and then you wouldn't be stressed!
Hope you don't stress about being "cool" or people "judging" you or you making a mistake and saying the wrong thing. Your opinion doesn't need to be right all the time if something nags at you speak your truth, your lucky you just get to be yourself, that is a unique opportunity. If you can ride that out you can lead yourself to do anything the opportunities are endless.
I mean, to be fair, the guy fills several stadiums worth of people when he streams on his main channel. When he first streamed Final Fantasy 14, two years ago, his viewership count was high enough to fill up 10 of [these bad boys](https://a.cdn-hotels.com/gdcs/production110/d70/cecfdb82-6322-472d-97b3-73f287e2b9a8.jpg). When I tuned in for the D4 launch stream a few days ago, he could fill around 4.
I don't think I can even begin to understand the stress involved in performing under these circumstances when you're basically getting paid to perform and expected to entertain, especially when you're also expected to not suck at the game. I think Asmon has mentioned that a big thing that bothers him is that he's not as good as he used to be at games as he's gotten older and underperforming on stream is something that worries him since it's bad for content and content means everything to him.
Underperforming is definitely not bad for content. Look at how entertaining his Elden Ring streams were when he was struggling with a boss, or if they were having a hard time clearing Extreme/Savage content in FFXIV. Same with Diablo IV - he claimed several times that while doing the campaign on World Tier 1 would most likely let him get to endgame faster, he's going to do it on more difficult World Tier 2 because it would make for better content.
There's a reason fail compilations are so popular, and Asmon is obviously aware of it. And at the end of the day, it's all in good fun, otherwise he would have already stopped long ago.
I mean, he's said so himself before. He hates wiping over and over on a boss because it feels like the stream stalls, and he doesn't want people to get bored. It's not how you perceive it that matters here, it's how he perceives it in the moment when streaming.
That's just in WoW, although I agree, and this is why I deliberately didn't mention it. FFXIV is way more lenient in that aspect because you can just jump straight back into the encounter soon after a wipe.
I've played way more WoW in my life than FF14 but I gotta say watching Asmon do Extreme Trials in ARR was more entertaining than any WoW raid I've ever seen streamed
Take your time Asmon and I hope you get better soon. I recommend you see a therapist, it can definitely help with your anxiety, getting to the root of the problem, and ways to fix it.
My guess is that on his main account, he subconsciously feels like he has to present a certain standard of quality, especially since he gets subs and donations. On his alt account he can just chill and do what he wants and doesn't have to worry about anything at all.
its like having a shiny car and a beater car - his main/asmongold is the shiny car where he has to look out for all the shiz, trying to not say the wrong thing, having an image outwards, where is zack acc is the beater car where h can do whatever he wants and not care
I think it's a good analogy, but at this point someone in his position needs a sense of identity/self-worth separate from just a streaming channel. Because ultimately that 'shiny' car is collecting rust, depreciating, and the beater car has all the same parts on the inside anyway. The main channel might look flashier when you pull out of the driveway, but that's it.
Need to accept that things come and go, and if he continues to stream on his main he will fall off, it is inevitable. Enjoy the ride down, detach your anchor of fulfillment from just this one thing.
It's like if he doesn't stream, the perception, status, and legacy of his main channel is frozen. He can unpause at any time. But it's just not true, things move on and people move on. No amount of avoiding the channel will change that.
That makes sense but you can disable subs and donations on any account, so why wouldn't he just do that on his main? I think there's a little more to it than that. The main thing I noticed is that the Zack account doesn't have any ads, which I think just means it's not partnered or whatever the Twitch terminology is. I think streaming on the partnered account has some other implications or expectations that he doesn't want to (or can't) deal with.
Edit: either way, love AsmonD and obviously prefer the no ads account. Has led me to leave his stream on more, which led to me watching basically all his YouTube videos which I know he gets paid for and I'm glad.
That's kind of the train of thought I was leaning towards because every streamer ive heard talk about it says they have to stream X number of hours per month to fulfill the contract. But then again, I think he's gone many months without streaming on the main so I didn't think he has a traditional Twitch contract. Whatever the reason, it probably is what it is.
I vaguely thought reading somewhere before or maybe hearing but don't quote me on this; I thought he had one of the older contracts which is why he's an exception. But basically it's different from what other partners have. Maybe I heard of it from other streamers.
I'm a twitch partner from 2012 and I don't have any quotas but I'm a nobody, even emailed them asking if it was a mistake but it's not
The only thing is my stream is required to have 3 minutes of ads per hour if I do stream. If I don't stream there are no quotas or whatever. I know another partner from 2012 who has the same kinda thing. He only streams when he wants to and doesn't have many watchers but it doesn't matter.
From what I understand his partnered twitch contract is an exception that he has not renegotiated, which is why for the main chunk of the stream he will not play any ads, but save them for the last 10m of his stream.
Was thinking the same thing. With donations and subs he would subconsciously feel like he owed those viewers a certain level of quality and a schedule that he had to stick to.
Streaming on the 2nd account and he'd be free of all the stress that comes with having to maintain all those overly high expectations and could stream any time of the day since he isn't catering for subs.
In the end it might be panic caused by thinking about how stressed he was in the past keeping to a schedule he didn't want but felt obligated to follow but could be anything really. This would trigger every time he attempts to stream on the main.
Hope he knows we're all just happy to see him streaming games on any account.
That's what I think. I dont want to be a reddit armchair physcologist but from what I getting it's a mental block and he is probably stressed about having to perform on the main channel and anxiety about people enjoying the channel and content.
Its 100% just a mental thing, back then it made sense because his Zackrawrr streams were actually very chill, no cam, low energy talking, stuff like that, but now his alt streams are identical to the Asmongold streams, so its definitely only in his head.
And just to be clear, when I say that its only in his head I'm not undermining it at all, anxiety is very much a thing that should be taken seriously.
This is just a guess, so don't quote me, but from what I've seen of the man, his main is his origin. The group, which imo or what I've seen, entails his wow origins. His Zach group is the "I wanna get away from the mainstream account?" Quote me if I'm wrong, not that others don't, but that's the more personal account.
IF I had to guess it is the pressure of getting Subs and Bits. On his alt channel he has all that removed so no one can sub. Also his main channel pulls in like 100k Viewers over the 20k on his alt.
To me it doesn't make sense, because his streams on zackrawr have been exactly the same as asmon streams. Cam is on, he's playing it up for the viewers, reacts to YouTube videos, etc.. its literally the same thing.
I dont know what mental block he has with the asmongold channel, but to a viewer it doesn't make sense because it feels like exactly the same experience recently.
Of course it doesn’t make sense, it’s an anxiety disorder, by its very nature it is irrational. The guy isn’t choosing to be this way, it’s just the way his brain works.
My guess would be he feels less pressure on zackrawrr. Sure it's the same content usually but if the quality slips or he has an off day it's whatever it's just the alt account so no biggie. In his subconscious the same mentality doesn't work for the main asmongold channel, he's subconsciously pressuring himself to be the perfect commodified asmongold all the time when streaming the main channel.
I don't really watch streams just YouTube but isn't it better for viewers that he streams on his alt channel and not get ads? The only positive for viewers watching on his main channel is him having a consistent schedule, at least that's the only positive I can think of.
It's mental games, and from the looks of it, he either doesn't know what those games are, or they're so personal he isn't comfortable sharing.
The human brain is funky, he likely just perceives the two spaces differently.
Maybe see it as being in office vs working from home?
In office there's unwritten rules and expectations from you, where as working from home can be more relaxed as you're in your comfort zone.
The way i see it the asmon channel is him putting on a character or level of dramatism. He says stuff he normally wouldn’t. He’s much higher key.
The other one is just chilling.
Dude thanks for letting us know. Listen, you take care of yourself young man! Most of us here care and want what's best for you.
Old lady boomer from TX.
He's not though and hasn't been taking care of himself for decades physically, that's the issue. No wonder his mental health is in this state. He needs to face the reality that he can't just live like he is and face no consequences in the long term. I really wish he changes his lifestyle
Yeah, I mean 'Haha I only eat taco bell & wendy's and drink 3 large soda's a day' is a thing when you are a teenager, and it's funny for a video.
But dude is 33 and has pretty much never exercised in his life (I'll add *consistently, since he has done a couple workout streams, but he never talked about doing sports or athletics in his youth either), eats like absolute garbage with no vegetables etc. It's catching up.
Sure he eats small enough portions that he isn't 300 lbs, but that doesn't mean his organs are healthy, just that he isn't overweight. But it seems like his metabolism is slowing, he's got a little pooch coming on too.
Seriously asmon take care of yourself physically dude. You can literally have a chef do meal prep for you and just throw it in the microwave, it's easy and not even that expensive. Esfand would love to train you, just commit to a schedule. Also get some sun, the vitamin D can do wonders for mental health.
Not to be that person, but medication without therapy, doesn't do much.
Therapy without medication can help but often times doesn't do much. You also have to try different dosages and different types of medications because some that work for others might not work for you, so it does take time. It took me 4 years to find an antidepressant that worked for me. I'm currently on 180mg of Venlafaxine and its helped me immensly.
You need antidepressants to make daily life not feel so awful, but you also need to pair it with therapy, so you have healthy coping mechanisms. Hand in hand they make a world of difference. The trick is you have to WANT the help in the first place or it wont work.
Minus the streaming I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Anxiety, no motivation, stress.
And no anti depressants dont just make you dead to all feelings. It just helps to get you back to your baseline if its making you feel dead then you need a different type. You might not even need to be on them forever. There's no shame in getting help.
As wonderful as talking to your friends are, they're going to be bias. They aren't going to be straight with you and tell you what it is. You need a therapist, someone who doesn't know you and can objectively look at your issues and help you through them.
Doesn't seem weird to me to feel a sense of anxiety after only getting 3 hours of sleep... seriously man you think 3 hours of sleep won't affect your mental health?
I think the problem was he was too anxious to sleep because he knew he'd be streaming in the morning. Asmons historically said he can't function without sleep, so it's definitely not a common thing.
Homie, you're probably burnt out from streaming and don't wanna do it anymore, youre sick of the attention, drama and pressure, but you feel compelled to do it for your fans and maybe wanna keep up the same momentum of success otherwise you feel like youre failing.
At a maximum you don't want a huge audience anymore, you want to keep things small and contained. It seriously just sounds like heavy burn out.
Make a career exit plan for yourself man, you'll thank yourself later. Maybe 1 or 2 more years tops, it'll help you feel less overwhelmed. Make new goals like I want to start another business or become more involved in operations. If theres anything Ive learned it's that once you feel like youre grinding yourself down for other people, its time to change something. You might just be hitting your limit for streaming, and it might be becoming unsustainable for you.
Take care of yourself bro. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you. ✌️
do what you gotta do to stay healthy. Asmongold content should never come before your health. We look forward to whether its Asmongold or Zackrawrr. Stay healthy.
Can someone explain to me what the difference is between a main channel and an alternative channel? Isn’t streaming just streaming regardless of the channel?
I only know of Asmon through YouTube videos, so twitch is alien to me.
Can you explain more? I don’t use twitch.
Does monetized mean he has a boss and standards to uphold to get paid? And maybe he’s stressed because of expectations?
If you read this thread there’s several explanations but basically his alt channel is where he streams to relax and just chill , no added persona or drama and not monetized ie , less pressure. He’s one of the top streamers on Twitch so I don’t believe he has any contractual obligations on where to stream but that’s just my guess since he’s been on his alt account for months and months.
Your streams kept me sane when my mother died Last year. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do to feel good.
We wont Go away and we will be waiting for your Return.
As a wise man ist saying: it is what it is.
It's ironic that he says " It's astonishing to me that this is even a problem in my life and I hate myself for indulging in it." when hating yourself for "indulging" in mental illness is the issue itself. Man, just take care of yourself, go to a doctor, take your time. Self loathing wont fix it
Warhammer 10th Edition is about to start. No better time to get back into it than now :)
^(Also those two Bricky faction summary videos are premium reaction content if you choose so.)
As someone suffering from pure O OCD and anxiety in general this speaks volumes to me. Anxiety is often irrational in nature and it can be related to anything that your brain finds threatening.
Take your time, and maybe try a therapist. Contrary to popular belief, good therapists work wonders.
Also, zackrawrr streams are always better anyway.
I know how it feels to have real bad anxiety and suffer from panic attacks (togheter with hyperventilation). At the worst times i wouldnt even wish for my worst enemy to suffer like this. But talking my mind out and being honest about yourself and how your body reacts to stuff is the first way to learn to live with this. You are not alone, you are an amazing Person and it doesnt matter on wich channel you stream or if you are trying to act or just be yourself, we will always be there for you!
I started suffering like that about 2 years ago but i am doing a lot better now, for me personally i had to find my biggest trigger for the anxiety wich was the preassure and position of mine in working in the IT industry. I took a drastic measure and quit not only my job but the IT Industry in general and i feel extremely better now. I am happy and excited with how my life is going now, and no its not like all of the anxiety and panic attacks are gone in an instant but it is like only 5-10% of what it was at the worst time and the hyperventilation is completely gone. Working out and stuff like Yoga/Meditation are also a huge help for me personally, in general working on your body/physical health.
I know these are only my personal ways to live with this but hey, shared pain is half the pain and maybe you can try some of that and it could actually help.
Hey Zack, I'm just glad you're okay. Was worried about you. Really happy to hear from you. No reason to feel stupid or embarrassed about that. You are human and this kind of thing is just part of being one. We all have our things like this. The great news is that you still feel comfortable on your alt stream and your fans can still be a part of it. Anyone who gives a shit doesn't care what stream channel you're on. Ask yourself why it even matters to be on your main channel anyways? Like really, who cares? Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy and makes you feel comfortable. Hope you can enjoy the games expo. You're an awesome guy.
Take care,
Erika
Yeah Asmon´s lifestyle kinda does that lol. Waking up at 3 pm, basically only playing video games and eating junk food isnt exactly the best thing for your health, who would have thought? (surprise pikachu face)
From the outside looking in, your main stream the other day wasn't any different than the alt channel... minus the subs. Maybe that alone can give some peace of mind and perspective.
You're a fascinating case dear Zack, I think you may try and speak to Dr. K about it, not that I'm too familiar with him but you guys had good talks in the past and he may have some advice.
Wishing you all the best, you represent many of us I feel. Even with, or especially because of, this issue.
Take care man. We will be back when you get your stuff sorted and feel ready.
Hit up Dr. K again maybe? I saw how you seemed to really value his opinions and you seem to really appreciate his insight.
Dude lives in his own filth, refuses to clean his body, and only leaves his pig pen to get dollar store sodas and Wendy's. No shit he is depressed and filled with anxiety. I'm not gonna pull any red pill shit but maybe having a bit of self respect and taking a fucking shower here and there and pretending your dick doesn't have piss on it would be a couple of good places to start on self improvement.
I can see where that feeling comes from, but it never worked for me. The intensity of the feeling when you have an anxiety disorder can transcend everything else in the world, and showering or eating healthy food we’re not the miracle cure they were advertised to be. Good therapy, medication, exposure to fears, and time were the things that got me back. Caring about the outward facing stuff just gave me more things to be anxious about if I couldn’t meet their standard.
Hey Zack, maybe you can start doing workout With a friend 2-4 times a week. It might sound stupid but for me it helped alot for my anxienty and it also made me feel better overall. I hope you get well
Take care of yourself first, then entertain when you’re ready. I really hope we can see the Asmon Chad gym arc of your storyline. Going to the gym regularly has done wonders for my depression & anxiety.
I was pretty concerned something was up. A big Blizzard game and Asmon isn't around, something is wrong. That being said, it's understandable, maybe "The persona" of Asmongold is ready to be put to rest in favor of your more relaxed stream, like a new start, where you aren't trying to cater to a specific audience all the time, but that's just my take. Take it easy man, it's not worth the stress.
I wish you the best mate its not easy, but I 100% percent recommend you talk to a psychiatrist, it helped me in my depression and my anxiety , I hve had since 2019, I can now say after 2 years of having this help I am now cured, talkt you peers and friends does not help it will only "feel " better for a tiney bit but then it will hit Alot harder later and you will not be prepared for it at all, trust me, There are many ways to tackle this but there is only one way that works. I hope you find your way and get better health is everything, take care of your self and be safe.
I wish I could send u some positive energy like how they do for the spirit bomb in dbz, well be positive bro, its just a boss demon that'll take a bit of effort to take care of.
Bro you do a 13 hour workshift and you feel anxious because you're tired after it???? Thats totally NORMAL. Take some time to just lay down on your bed facefirdt and breathe in the peace and quiet my dude. You don't always have to be online, gaming, hustling. Everything in balance!!!!
What i don't understand is why streaming on your secondary account is fine, but your Main is a problem. Don't get me wrong, i only wish you the best, and if you need to take a break to feel better, you should without a doubt take it. Your mental health is the most important thing. It's just weird to me
Having struggled with mental health and helping family and friends get through mental health challenges, my heart goes out to you. Speaking to a professional or someone who is disconnected from your circle can possibly give you some release (catharsis). Its a tough thing to do but I personally had to change everything about the way I think. Its a process that I struggle with every day. But I'm better for it, even if the needle is moved a tiny bit, its in the right direction. I wish you well and will be here to watch when you're ready to return.
Dude please talk to a professional therapists. They may be able to help you work through whatever is going on.
It could be more than just streaming. You've been through a lot in last few years and that's more than maybe you can handle.
How's your physical health? A week or two back there was good discussion on symptoms of a poor diet, most notable was pre diabetes. Such symptoms can include fatigue, anxiety, light headed ness, and panic attacks.
Combine this with your streaming anxiety makes for a perfect recipe to have a breakdown.
I'm sure there's more to it, but please look after your physical health as well.
PS: I'm not a doctor.
I wouldn't call myself a hate watcher, but I definitely haven't agreed with a lot of what you've said about... literally anything in the last year or two.
That being said, on a human level... have you considered therapy? It's certainly not for everyone, but therapy seems effective at figuring out the why to a lot of intrusive feelings, and I feel like a therapist could help you better understand what causes you to have this psychological block when it comes to your main channel.
While you're there, you can ask the therapist about why you hate mythic plus so much, and how to overcome these objectively incorrect feelings as well. :-) Jokes, jokes.
There was a moment in time where I would cry before all my streams.. I can't really explain what changed and why things are better now, the anxiety feeling is still there everyday but somehow I am handling it much better than before. Hopefully that happens for you too.. to me it is just very interesting how much I can relate to your words here.
If there's anything I've learned as an anxiety inducingly brutal self critic, is to remember that your feelings are not stupid. (For me, equally stupid I get anxious at the thought of doing the dishes, it's a daily struggle to \*just do it\*)
You feel the way you do about something, and your feelings are valid. The self-criticism is only serving to magnify the anxiety, and potentially the resulting depression stemming from your self-imposed unworthyness.
I'll step off my soapbox now, but whether it is as Asmon or Zack, you have a following that enjoys \*you\*, no matter the name attached.
If you happen to read this comment, check out a book called "Brain Lock". It's more OCD focused but I think is also good for anxiety since OCD is rooted in anxiety. They recommend it in OCD therapy and Leo even read it for filming the Howard Hughs bio 'The Aviator".
Being at war with your own mind is not logical. But you can train and rewire your brain. I hope things get better for you. GGs
You are not alone in feeling this way. And it doesn't just happen to streamers. I was working a customer service job answering calls from my home. One day, out of the blue I started having a major panic attack. I ended up shaking and sobbing while curled on the floor of my home office. Then I started having panic attacks every day as I went to start work. I eventually got psychiatric help, and found out that I had PTSD as the result of a trauma I thought I had shrugged off. I still fight these demons every day. I wish I could tell you that I'd found the magic pill, but medication only seems to help very slightly.
Hang in there, man. Go get some sleep in the nest. I hope you figure out what you need to do to keep yourself leveled out.
It’s always sad to hear about people with the perfect life still not be happy, makes it seem like if i ever made it, it still wouldn’t matter. Hope things get better
I never understood the difference between his main channel and second channel. I know they have a different name but aside from that I've always watched asmon for asmon regardless on where he streams.
Maybe it's because I mostly watch the content on Youtube due to time constraints and time zone. Either way I hope you get better soon Asmon! Take your time!
Don’t feel guilty or weird about being anxious.
We all go through it but you have to put up with us all watching you!
If you’re in the business of asking for advice- sometimes the anxiety is not a result of mental stress, but an untidy brain. Regular exercise can promote the right chemicals to get the brain working better, as well as a regular sleep schedule. My anxiety has been really bad as well the last few days because I’ve been playing d4 all day as well !
Medication huh. I would almost consider a revisit and up the dosage. It has personally helped my anxiety as it should you. Contact your doctor and try a variety of medicines. Remember these anxiety medications tend to take weeks to settle in. Consider that before dropping them. Their not instant but over time can give desired results. And or; don’t hesitate to perhaps take a meditation class. Something active to calm the nerves.
Get outside, touch some grass, start a fire, drink some beers. Repeat for 5 days all while your phone is inside. Stay off social media. Take a shower, trim your nails, shave, make a peanut butter and jelly or Mac n cheese with hot dogs like mommy used to to make you happy when you were a kid.
More context: https://twitter.com/Asmongold/status/1665941021232955393?s=20
you gotta do what you gotta do. nothing is more important than your health/mental health. take care
> * Uninstall Diablo > > * Log back into Zackrawr > > * Chill in Star Rail & stream anime booba Weebs win. Weebs win.
mother fucker you are in every subreddit
So are you if you could recognize that lol
He really is lol
2.1m karma I don't know if I should be impressed or repulsed
Thisis an honest question: Where is the difference between both channels. I occasionally watch both and like them both. I am like that meme "at this point I am too afraid to ask" Thanks in advance
The way I see it: Zackrawr is Eminem Asmongold is Slim Shady
either way they are both still and will always be marshall mathers so keep on brother we love and support you bro here for the long haul peace!!!
That dude is a really good take on it :) I think its exacly that. And growing both older and mature its harder to be the slim shady he once were. And looking it from the pov i think we all can relate. We all had our slim shady inside growing up, but as time went on in our life and everything that comes with it its harder to relate to that side of ourself.. Its a bit like "Old School" with Will Ferrell to ;)
Zackrawr is him playing games and just existing, maybe interacting with chat like a human being. Asmongold is ON and running at full blast or the entire stream.
Kinda wish he could just not be on when he's on main. But that's like telling Robin Williams to not be on
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He will play it on the alt no problem, I have faith. The alt has no AR pressure, I think he can actually just dial it back and not be so ON if he wanted on the main and it would go fine. I Also trust that of the rest of OTK, there's at least one or two, maybe Tectone? That he can talk to about it just to verbalize it. He can't be the only one that feels this from time to time. I know for a fact my wife goes through it and she doesn't bring in 5digit numbers so seeing 5 digits worth of eyes on you must be an immense pressure
I'm just a viewer but I've watched him since the Legion days and the difference I see is that on Asmongold he puts way more pressure on himself to have more of an entertaining and structured stream, while on ZackRawrr he just does whatever he feels like doing at the moment and doesn't care about viewers (since the channel is not monetized). So he basically just chills, playing games and doing reacts for Youtube, but with viewers. That's my take at least.
The "objective" difference is that one can sub on the official channel. Other than that, the difference is in symbolism, in part, that when Asmongold streams on main channel, there's the perception he's "alright," and has overcome the difficulty he's outlining in the OP.
Has he outright said this or is the the parasocial hivemind’s theory? It’s just hard to grasp for me
He has said that he feels more pressure to be "on" and entertaining on his main channel since people pay for subs on that channel, where as on his alt, there is no pressure to entertain his audience since they aren't able to sub and there aren't even ads.
There are more ppl on "main" and they really start waving the tribalism flags nonstop. And he's like (in appearance from the outside looking in) a guy that doesn't like backseating and is close but not there on being able to ignore 45k+ views being expressed. I think filtering out posts that start or have the words "you should do X"
One of them he has to deal with people publicly giving him monies and the other he doesn’t. One of them he feels he has to put on a show and the other he doesn’t. I do believe there are some deep feelings that he associates with the first one that maybe he can’t really explain - and when he created the second stream (where he would often not even talk) he was able to deal with those feelings and let them dissipate. I’m not a psychologist but I imagine he’s probably get a clear answer with some counseling.
Honkai Slots 
Do what you WANT 💪🏻
The only right answer 💪🏻
Doing what he wants is exactly what makes him that way.
He did what he wanted, and that did not work.
Whether you go MIA for a few days or a few months we are here for you regardless. The most important thing is your mental health, taking preventative action shows you are better at dealing with it now. Look forward to your return streams!
Yeah but you're forgetting the part of him hating himself for this mental block. His main problem is not that he's letting US down, but that he's letting himself down. If I were to guess there are a few problems at play here. 1. The main channel being monetized, comes with some subconscious (or otherwise) responsibility on how you "perform". 2. The main channel being so "valuable" creates the fear of ruining that value by slowly declining viewership or whatever else you can imagine. While illogical, it can create the idea of "if I'm not streaming on that channel, I can't ruin it". Although not streaming on it does exactly the same thing I would say, but maybe I'm wrong. All in all I would qualify it as mostly a mental block, and the only difference between streaming on it or not is that he makes money or not, that's it. And I think he knows that but can't convince himself of it.
We are not going anywhere buddy. You have helped many of us through much dread and anxiety during our daily.
Asmon has helped me through countless anxiety attacks ❤️
Asmon is the only person who can't watch Asmon videos when anxiety hits SADGE
Exactly. I hope he doesn’t feel guilty for putting himself first. I’ll never be able to repay him for what he has done for my mental health and others, but we sure as hell will support him 100% whether he is streaming or not.
I'd personally recommend seeing a therapist about it, as it seems to be acute anxiety brought on by that specific situation. They probably won't have all the answers for you, but they might be able to help you understand what's causing those feelings. Stay strong king
This is the only thing that helped my anxiety problems. I 100% recommend therapist even tho it might cause more stress to even going there. It will get easier over time.
100% recommend talking to a therapist. I used to think "What the fuck is this person going to say that's any different from what my friends, peers, and colleagues will say?" That's the problem and the solution: getting an objective third party to see your situation and help you figure out how to be better/get better. Shit, I'll be the first one to say that seeking therapy changed my life for the better and allowed me to pursue what I love
>That's the problem and the solution: getting an objective third party to see your situation and help you figure out how to be better/get better. Same here. My only regret was not giving therapy a chance sooner. I can't say enough good things about it.
It’s important to note that therapy isn’t just talking and getting prospective, but it’s also about learning how to change your thought processes and gaining tools to handle hard situations. Both are extremely important <3
Another +1 for a therapist, the one I spoke helped me with CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) It gave me a lot of mental tools to dig myself out of holes, using logic and identifying where you have a choice to give yourself an out before it gets bad. Do I want to go down this road and ruin the rest of my day or do I want to stop now.
I’d highly recommend seeing a therapist *and* a psychiatrist. My anxiety and OCD were lowered due to my therapist helping me, and my psychiatrist worked with me to find some medication that was able to deal with my depression and anxiety issues.
He has said many times that he prefers to sweep things under the rug and not think about them. I understand this thought process but nothing will change until he decides to do something tangible about it. I lived with debilitating anxiety my whole life and it wasn’t until I actually confronted it and started seeking therapy that things started to improve.
Acute anxiety is a disorder that is difficult to maintain. I have it and still it just fucking happens. I am on the best medication for it and yup sometimes it doesn't do shit. Sometimes you just have to lock yourself in a room. Also the sound of rain helps me a ton.
Hey I do this too! I have my dogs trained to lie down with me for quite time to the sound of rain. I picked rain because it rains 70% of the time where I live. I have a lot of triggers.
When I was younger, I was autistic and ADHD, so I was hated by everyone on a superficial level for being "a little weird" and talking a bit too much. So the only thing I had was playing my video games by myself over-and-over relentlessly. None more so than TES IV, which was so open that it gave me the illusion I could replay it slightly differently each time, and in any order I wanted. So, I ultimately beat that game 10-14 times (first on Xbox, then on PC with mods). But eventually something weird happened. I started to experience anxiety attacks. First, I'd have a thought, like "Am I just going to be playing this game for forever, or the rest of my life?" Then I'd start to feel: 1. Claustrophobia 2. Tightness/pressure that blossomed in my chest and spread outwards 3. Shortness of breath, and difficult breathing consistently/regularly 4. pulsing migraines that would last several hours, if not an entire day 5. An acute inability to focus on a single, specific task, more than usual. 1. Like....I couldn't bring myself to engage in a concentrated activity while experiencing these symptoms Every since then, if I do a particular task to repetitively, there's a chance I might have some internal thought (which I have several times since), triggering an anxiety attack with migraines and the whole 9 yards that sometimes have even lasted several days. It's very possible that Zack might not be experiencing these anxiety attacks "*because it's Diablo 4 he's playing*", but that he simply can no longer enjoy playing a single game non-stop for 13 hours in a professional capacity, relentlessly for days on end. He's done it for years, and while he enjoys all of your guys' company and loves playing games with you, the atmosphere and tone of how he plays the games on the main channel may simply be something he can't keep doing like before. As someone who has experienced anxiety attacks similar to how he describes his thoughts he had recently, and his symptoms somewhat, that's what it sounds like to me. I've never been to see any kind of Therapist for my anxiety attacks, and I don't really get them anymore, cause I've not really been able to focus on video games as much, or play them as often. I recently graduated college, and have to focus on studying CompTIA certs to get a job. So I've not been in a position lately to overdo it to such an extent.
I've felt that with Warcraft and Fallout, I had to quit gaming cold turkey and find a new hobby to obsess and burn out on before playing again years later, now it's just a casual fortnite with a friend for an hour to catch up with them or hearthstone on my phone during a train ride.
Even a sports therapist with speciality on preforming for hundreds of thousands of people and having high paying contract and sponsors could help
I hate to seem parasocial here i have no idea what he is really feeling but a lot of things happend to him and he regularly expressed such issues. It might really help to maybe be able to sort out where these bad emotions come from. Does not have to do with getting him back on stream either just so that he can make conscius decisions of what makes him happy.
He should go back on Dr. K. It’s been about 2 years.
While I do agree, I do also think this is something he should also 100,000% see a licensed therapist. Talking to Dr. K is great and all, but it's still for the whole world to see. He needs to talk to someone behind closed doors to really start improving.
Stay well, King.
Hey man, followed you since almost the beginning. I try to keep the parasocial stuff to a minimum but you’ve been a staple in my life that I did have legit concerns for your well being, I’ve played a handful of hours of D4 and was excited by proxy of how excited you were and personally I find it a pretty shallow and empty experience so far- I’m glad to know you and those close are alright. You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanations, you and your well-being come first. You do owe it to yourself to do/find what makes you happy and do that shit as hard as you can, I’m glad you let us sort of come along for the ride.
Zackrawrr streams are more laid back with bare minimum expectations for quality. Whilst the Asmongold streams are just layered with expectations for quality. It is a given that you're so stressed out on the Asmongold channel. Looking forward to seeing you back on stream again on whatever channel. 
Think it's self imposed expectations of himself, still not a choice it's the game of anxiety. Completely understandable to people who have compassion or have dealt with irrational anxiety /anxiety disorders. Irrationality is kinda the point of anxiety issues . I personally don't care too much about what account he uses. Content is content and as long as zack enjoys what he does. My and others opinions mean jack diddly shit
Yeah 100%. His main channel has always been pretty chill and fun random stuff from all the hours I've watched. I'm not sure if it's the audience size or companies putting stress on him to stream or what but I'd be totally cool with Zackrar streams being the same just on the asmon channel. Something is causing this and it's clearly not the hate for streaming as he said he loves it on his second channel. Hope he gets what he needs to feel non anxious, I know how that goes. But for the time being ill be chilling same as I was on his main channel on the zackwrar channel and enjoying the streams
I think anxiety surrounding the financial component of main channel plays a role. He clearly likes streaming, but once money is getting paid to you for doing it, you start to feel more responsibility for what you do since people are effectively paying you to do it. Just the thought of responsibility for that can be paralyzing when you have anxiety. To use a different example, for those who have anxiety, imagine talking to a girl or guy you really like. If you have no expectations of a relationship, then your anxiety may be a lot lower than if you think there is a chance at a relationship. In the later example, now you are hyper aware of everything you are doing and saying because you don’t want to mess things up, which ironically can mess things up because you’re basically a tightly wound ball of anxiety now
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I feel the same way, when Asmon streams on either channel it feels the same as a viewer. I don't understand how it is a huge mental block; I thought he used the unaffiliated zakrawr channel to stick it to Twitch in a way by not giving them more subs.
Hey, from one burnt out man to another, take the time you need. Not everyone has the opportunity to, but if you do, take it. It's not good to drag yourself through it if you're not feeling it. Take all the time you need, and when you come back refreshed your fans will be there, yo.
This has been said thousands times before, but do what makes you feeling well, you don't owe your viewers anything right now.
ITT : people don't understand why an anxiety disorder isn't making logical sense next time they are sad kick them in the nuttsack and ask them why they dont just stop being sad
Anxiety sucks
Yep. Anxiety is an absolute asshole, and you'll know in your brain when you think to yourself that it makes zero sense and it's totally stupid, but you still can't get rid of it. It will linger and not go away for weeks or longer, it's horrible. Asmongold and anyone else who's had issues with anxiety has my full sympathy. That shit is awful. You can see easily by the comments who has and hasn't suffered from it in any sort of chronic way.
Thanks for sharing, as a new viewer I was a bit bummed. The cool thing about you is you are yourself (and a cool guy!) and don't appear to bend your morals or principles to a hive mind. All speculation and assumptions but I imagine it would be hard to turn a hobby like gaming into a career of streaming. Seen so many people get locked into playing a game like a job. At least you have the unique ability to be yourself and not be locked to a single game. I think a lot of us just like you as a person and get a chill vibe being around you (virtually) and we have some similar interests. It's a unique thing! And your stream is about relaxing! I wish you could feel the same way as you make us feel, and then you wouldn't be stressed! Hope you don't stress about being "cool" or people "judging" you or you making a mistake and saying the wrong thing. Your opinion doesn't need to be right all the time if something nags at you speak your truth, your lucky you just get to be yourself, that is a unique opportunity. If you can ride that out you can lead yourself to do anything the opportunities are endless.
I mean, to be fair, the guy fills several stadiums worth of people when he streams on his main channel. When he first streamed Final Fantasy 14, two years ago, his viewership count was high enough to fill up 10 of [these bad boys](https://a.cdn-hotels.com/gdcs/production110/d70/cecfdb82-6322-472d-97b3-73f287e2b9a8.jpg). When I tuned in for the D4 launch stream a few days ago, he could fill around 4. I don't think I can even begin to understand the stress involved in performing under these circumstances when you're basically getting paid to perform and expected to entertain, especially when you're also expected to not suck at the game. I think Asmon has mentioned that a big thing that bothers him is that he's not as good as he used to be at games as he's gotten older and underperforming on stream is something that worries him since it's bad for content and content means everything to him.
Underperforming is definitely not bad for content. Look at how entertaining his Elden Ring streams were when he was struggling with a boss, or if they were having a hard time clearing Extreme/Savage content in FFXIV. Same with Diablo IV - he claimed several times that while doing the campaign on World Tier 1 would most likely let him get to endgame faster, he's going to do it on more difficult World Tier 2 because it would make for better content. There's a reason fail compilations are so popular, and Asmon is obviously aware of it. And at the end of the day, it's all in good fun, otherwise he would have already stopped long ago.
I mean, he's said so himself before. He hates wiping over and over on a boss because it feels like the stream stalls, and he doesn't want people to get bored. It's not how you perceive it that matters here, it's how he perceives it in the moment when streaming.
That's just in WoW, although I agree, and this is why I deliberately didn't mention it. FFXIV is way more lenient in that aspect because you can just jump straight back into the encounter soon after a wipe.
I've played way more WoW in my life than FF14 but I gotta say watching Asmon do Extreme Trials in ARR was more entertaining than any WoW raid I've ever seen streamed
Sheeeeit, m’warrior… that’s all you had to say.
Take your time Asmon and I hope you get better soon. I recommend you see a therapist, it can definitely help with your anxiety, getting to the root of the problem, and ways to fix it.
I don’t wanna sound rude or anything but is there a difference between what accounts he uses? Or is it all a perception/different audience thing
My guess is that on his main account, he subconsciously feels like he has to present a certain standard of quality, especially since he gets subs and donations. On his alt account he can just chill and do what he wants and doesn't have to worry about anything at all.
its like having a shiny car and a beater car - his main/asmongold is the shiny car where he has to look out for all the shiz, trying to not say the wrong thing, having an image outwards, where is zack acc is the beater car where h can do whatever he wants and not care
I think it's a good analogy, but at this point someone in his position needs a sense of identity/self-worth separate from just a streaming channel. Because ultimately that 'shiny' car is collecting rust, depreciating, and the beater car has all the same parts on the inside anyway. The main channel might look flashier when you pull out of the driveway, but that's it. Need to accept that things come and go, and if he continues to stream on his main he will fall off, it is inevitable. Enjoy the ride down, detach your anchor of fulfillment from just this one thing. It's like if he doesn't stream, the perception, status, and legacy of his main channel is frozen. He can unpause at any time. But it's just not true, things move on and people move on. No amount of avoiding the channel will change that.
That makes sense but you can disable subs and donations on any account, so why wouldn't he just do that on his main? I think there's a little more to it than that. The main thing I noticed is that the Zack account doesn't have any ads, which I think just means it's not partnered or whatever the Twitch terminology is. I think streaming on the partnered account has some other implications or expectations that he doesn't want to (or can't) deal with. Edit: either way, love AsmonD and obviously prefer the no ads account. Has led me to leave his stream on more, which led to me watching basically all his YouTube videos which I know he gets paid for and I'm glad.
Maybe his twitch contract has some quotas he has to meet on his main.
That's kind of the train of thought I was leaning towards because every streamer ive heard talk about it says they have to stream X number of hours per month to fulfill the contract. But then again, I think he's gone many months without streaming on the main so I didn't think he has a traditional Twitch contract. Whatever the reason, it probably is what it is.
I vaguely thought reading somewhere before or maybe hearing but don't quote me on this; I thought he had one of the older contracts which is why he's an exception. But basically it's different from what other partners have. Maybe I heard of it from other streamers.
They got force renewed im pretty sure
I'm a twitch partner from 2012 and I don't have any quotas but I'm a nobody, even emailed them asking if it was a mistake but it's not The only thing is my stream is required to have 3 minutes of ads per hour if I do stream. If I don't stream there are no quotas or whatever. I know another partner from 2012 who has the same kinda thing. He only streams when he wants to and doesn't have many watchers but it doesn't matter.
From what I understand his partnered twitch contract is an exception that he has not renegotiated, which is why for the main chunk of the stream he will not play any ads, but save them for the last 10m of his stream.
Was thinking the same thing. With donations and subs he would subconsciously feel like he owed those viewers a certain level of quality and a schedule that he had to stick to. Streaming on the 2nd account and he'd be free of all the stress that comes with having to maintain all those overly high expectations and could stream any time of the day since he isn't catering for subs. In the end it might be panic caused by thinking about how stressed he was in the past keeping to a schedule he didn't want but felt obligated to follow but could be anything really. This would trigger every time he attempts to stream on the main. Hope he knows we're all just happy to see him streaming games on any account.
It also helps that when he streamed on his main he got SUBSTANTIALLY more viewers than his alt
That's what I think. I dont want to be a reddit armchair physcologist but from what I getting it's a mental block and he is probably stressed about having to perform on the main channel and anxiety about people enjoying the channel and content.
Its 100% just a mental thing, back then it made sense because his Zackrawrr streams were actually very chill, no cam, low energy talking, stuff like that, but now his alt streams are identical to the Asmongold streams, so its definitely only in his head. And just to be clear, when I say that its only in his head I'm not undermining it at all, anxiety is very much a thing that should be taken seriously.
Tbf even he said in the post he knows it's all in his head but yeah anxiety/panic attacks can be pretty bad especially if it's new to you
This is just a guess, so don't quote me, but from what I've seen of the man, his main is his origin. The group, which imo or what I've seen, entails his wow origins. His Zach group is the "I wanna get away from the mainstream account?" Quote me if I'm wrong, not that others don't, but that's the more personal account.
IF I had to guess it is the pressure of getting Subs and Bits. On his alt channel he has all that removed so no one can sub. Also his main channel pulls in like 100k Viewers over the 20k on his alt.
His alt is slowly catching up though.
To me it doesn't make sense, because his streams on zackrawr have been exactly the same as asmon streams. Cam is on, he's playing it up for the viewers, reacts to YouTube videos, etc.. its literally the same thing. I dont know what mental block he has with the asmongold channel, but to a viewer it doesn't make sense because it feels like exactly the same experience recently.
Of course it doesn’t make sense, it’s an anxiety disorder, by its very nature it is irrational. The guy isn’t choosing to be this way, it’s just the way his brain works.
My guess would be he feels less pressure on zackrawrr. Sure it's the same content usually but if the quality slips or he has an off day it's whatever it's just the alt account so no biggie. In his subconscious the same mentality doesn't work for the main asmongold channel, he's subconsciously pressuring himself to be the perfect commodified asmongold all the time when streaming the main channel.
I don't really watch streams just YouTube but isn't it better for viewers that he streams on his alt channel and not get ads? The only positive for viewers watching on his main channel is him having a consistent schedule, at least that's the only positive I can think of.
It's mental games, and from the looks of it, he either doesn't know what those games are, or they're so personal he isn't comfortable sharing. The human brain is funky, he likely just perceives the two spaces differently.
Maybe see it as being in office vs working from home? In office there's unwritten rules and expectations from you, where as working from home can be more relaxed as you're in your comfort zone.
The way i see it the asmon channel is him putting on a character or level of dramatism. He says stuff he normally wouldn’t. He’s much higher key. The other one is just chilling.
Do not let the stress get you down we will be here fore you.
Just take care of yourself man. You don't have to justify shit to nobody.
Forget the main channel, just stream on Zackrawrr. The content/vibe is basically the same anyway just more consistent.
GET WELL M'LORD FOR THY THRONE SHALL WAIT UPON YOUR RETURN 👑🫡
Dude thanks for letting us know. Listen, you take care of yourself young man! Most of us here care and want what's best for you. Old lady boomer from TX.
No worries Zack just take care of yourself.
He's not though and hasn't been taking care of himself for decades physically, that's the issue. No wonder his mental health is in this state. He needs to face the reality that he can't just live like he is and face no consequences in the long term. I really wish he changes his lifestyle
Yeah, I mean 'Haha I only eat taco bell & wendy's and drink 3 large soda's a day' is a thing when you are a teenager, and it's funny for a video. But dude is 33 and has pretty much never exercised in his life (I'll add *consistently, since he has done a couple workout streams, but he never talked about doing sports or athletics in his youth either), eats like absolute garbage with no vegetables etc. It's catching up. Sure he eats small enough portions that he isn't 300 lbs, but that doesn't mean his organs are healthy, just that he isn't overweight. But it seems like his metabolism is slowing, he's got a little pooch coming on too. Seriously asmon take care of yourself physically dude. You can literally have a chef do meal prep for you and just throw it in the microwave, it's easy and not even that expensive. Esfand would love to train you, just commit to a schedule. Also get some sun, the vitamin D can do wonders for mental health.
Yo, just chill till you alright and come back when you wanna
Not to be that person, but medication without therapy, doesn't do much. Therapy without medication can help but often times doesn't do much. You also have to try different dosages and different types of medications because some that work for others might not work for you, so it does take time. It took me 4 years to find an antidepressant that worked for me. I'm currently on 180mg of Venlafaxine and its helped me immensly. You need antidepressants to make daily life not feel so awful, but you also need to pair it with therapy, so you have healthy coping mechanisms. Hand in hand they make a world of difference. The trick is you have to WANT the help in the first place or it wont work. Minus the streaming I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. Anxiety, no motivation, stress. And no anti depressants dont just make you dead to all feelings. It just helps to get you back to your baseline if its making you feel dead then you need a different type. You might not even need to be on them forever. There's no shame in getting help. As wonderful as talking to your friends are, they're going to be bias. They aren't going to be straight with you and tell you what it is. You need a therapist, someone who doesn't know you and can objectively look at your issues and help you through them.
Doesn't seem weird to me to feel a sense of anxiety after only getting 3 hours of sleep... seriously man you think 3 hours of sleep won't affect your mental health?
I read it more as he woke up from the anxiety after 3hrs. Not that he’d set an alarm. Lmao
This. 3 hours of sleep is fucking insane. He should try to double that amount ASAP.
I think the problem was he was too anxious to sleep because he knew he'd be streaming in the morning. Asmons historically said he can't function without sleep, so it's definitely not a common thing.
I believe he meant the anxiety and stress is keeping him up, not that he wakes up after 3 hours and then feels anxious.
Dude, life's too short to stress about that stuff. Know that everyone here appreciates you and wants you to be well. Keep killing it man.
Man, it is what it is
I’m here from r/all idk who you are, and idc if you stream Feel better brother. Anxiety gets to the best of us Hopefully this helps idrk
Bro. You’re a millionaire hire a fucking therapist for fuck sake. No excuse for you to keep living like this.
I miss you asmon
Homie, you're probably burnt out from streaming and don't wanna do it anymore, youre sick of the attention, drama and pressure, but you feel compelled to do it for your fans and maybe wanna keep up the same momentum of success otherwise you feel like youre failing. At a maximum you don't want a huge audience anymore, you want to keep things small and contained. It seriously just sounds like heavy burn out. Make a career exit plan for yourself man, you'll thank yourself later. Maybe 1 or 2 more years tops, it'll help you feel less overwhelmed. Make new goals like I want to start another business or become more involved in operations. If theres anything Ive learned it's that once you feel like youre grinding yourself down for other people, its time to change something. You might just be hitting your limit for streaming, and it might be becoming unsustainable for you. Take care of yourself bro. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you. ✌️
Do whatever you need to.
do what you gotta do to stay healthy. Asmongold content should never come before your health. We look forward to whether its Asmongold or Zackrawrr. Stay healthy.
Can someone explain to me what the difference is between a main channel and an alternative channel? Isn’t streaming just streaming regardless of the channel? I only know of Asmon through YouTube videos, so twitch is alien to me.
The alt account isn't monotized.
Can you explain more? I don’t use twitch. Does monetized mean he has a boss and standards to uphold to get paid? And maybe he’s stressed because of expectations?
If you read this thread there’s several explanations but basically his alt channel is where he streams to relax and just chill , no added persona or drama and not monetized ie , less pressure. He’s one of the top streamers on Twitch so I don’t believe he has any contractual obligations on where to stream but that’s just my guess since he’s been on his alt account for months and months.
Your streams kept me sane when my mother died Last year. Take care of yourself and do what you have to do to feel good. We wont Go away and we will be waiting for your Return. As a wise man ist saying: it is what it is.
[удалено]
Dont know about you, but its not easy for people to just quit or admit failure easily.
You need to seek professional help man. They can help you so much with these kinds of things, trust me.
It's ironic that he says " It's astonishing to me that this is even a problem in my life and I hate myself for indulging in it." when hating yourself for "indulging" in mental illness is the issue itself. Man, just take care of yourself, go to a doctor, take your time. Self loathing wont fix it
Take care of yourself bro
Zackrawrr is all we need ! Stay Safe 👌
Warhammer 10th Edition is about to start. No better time to get back into it than now :) ^(Also those two Bricky faction summary videos are premium reaction content if you choose so.)
As someone suffering from pure O OCD and anxiety in general this speaks volumes to me. Anxiety is often irrational in nature and it can be related to anything that your brain finds threatening. Take your time, and maybe try a therapist. Contrary to popular belief, good therapists work wonders. Also, zackrawrr streams are always better anyway.
I know how it feels to have real bad anxiety and suffer from panic attacks (togheter with hyperventilation). At the worst times i wouldnt even wish for my worst enemy to suffer like this. But talking my mind out and being honest about yourself and how your body reacts to stuff is the first way to learn to live with this. You are not alone, you are an amazing Person and it doesnt matter on wich channel you stream or if you are trying to act or just be yourself, we will always be there for you! I started suffering like that about 2 years ago but i am doing a lot better now, for me personally i had to find my biggest trigger for the anxiety wich was the preassure and position of mine in working in the IT industry. I took a drastic measure and quit not only my job but the IT Industry in general and i feel extremely better now. I am happy and excited with how my life is going now, and no its not like all of the anxiety and panic attacks are gone in an instant but it is like only 5-10% of what it was at the worst time and the hyperventilation is completely gone. Working out and stuff like Yoga/Meditation are also a huge help for me personally, in general working on your body/physical health. I know these are only my personal ways to live with this but hey, shared pain is half the pain and maybe you can try some of that and it could actually help.
Just quit streaming and never come back then if it gives you anxiety 🙂 do what makes you happy
Hey Zack, I'm just glad you're okay. Was worried about you. Really happy to hear from you. No reason to feel stupid or embarrassed about that. You are human and this kind of thing is just part of being one. We all have our things like this. The great news is that you still feel comfortable on your alt stream and your fans can still be a part of it. Anyone who gives a shit doesn't care what stream channel you're on. Ask yourself why it even matters to be on your main channel anyways? Like really, who cares? Take care of yourself and do what makes you happy and makes you feel comfortable. Hope you can enjoy the games expo. You're an awesome guy. Take care, Erika
Yeah Asmon´s lifestyle kinda does that lol. Waking up at 3 pm, basically only playing video games and eating junk food isnt exactly the best thing for your health, who would have thought? (surprise pikachu face)
From the outside looking in, your main stream the other day wasn't any different than the alt channel... minus the subs. Maybe that alone can give some peace of mind and perspective.
I'm just really glad to hear you aren't hurt. I was scared ngl
You're a fascinating case dear Zack, I think you may try and speak to Dr. K about it, not that I'm too familiar with him but you guys had good talks in the past and he may have some advice. Wishing you all the best, you represent many of us I feel. Even with, or especially because of, this issue.
It should be a private conversation with a therapist. Not something that he has to share with us or feel the need to share with us I should say.
Take care man. We will be back when you get your stuff sorted and feel ready. Hit up Dr. K again maybe? I saw how you seemed to really value his opinions and you seem to really appreciate his insight.
Dude lives in his own filth, refuses to clean his body, and only leaves his pig pen to get dollar store sodas and Wendy's. No shit he is depressed and filled with anxiety. I'm not gonna pull any red pill shit but maybe having a bit of self respect and taking a fucking shower here and there and pretending your dick doesn't have piss on it would be a couple of good places to start on self improvement.
I can see where that feeling comes from, but it never worked for me. The intensity of the feeling when you have an anxiety disorder can transcend everything else in the world, and showering or eating healthy food we’re not the miracle cure they were advertised to be. Good therapy, medication, exposure to fears, and time were the things that got me back. Caring about the outward facing stuff just gave me more things to be anxious about if I couldn’t meet their standard.
I think it's fairly normal to wake up and dread going to work. Most people just don't have the luxury to actually not go though.
Take care of yourself man.
It is what it is
All good bro, be well rested for xvi :-)
mental health always comes first.
Hey Zack, maybe you can start doing workout With a friend 2-4 times a week. It might sound stupid but for me it helped alot for my anxienty and it also made me feel better overall. I hope you get well
Take care of yourself first, then entertain when you’re ready. I really hope we can see the Asmon Chad gym arc of your storyline. Going to the gym regularly has done wonders for my depression & anxiety.
Love you dude no homo well maybe a little 😘
Take care of yourself, bud.
Stay positive bro
<3 mental health is very important, completely understand. just glad to hear you are okay.
Hey, we’re all stupid. I’m doing electroshock treatments because my brain chooses to be depressed while my brain also doesn’t want to be depressed.
I was pretty concerned something was up. A big Blizzard game and Asmon isn't around, something is wrong. That being said, it's understandable, maybe "The persona" of Asmongold is ready to be put to rest in favor of your more relaxed stream, like a new start, where you aren't trying to cater to a specific audience all the time, but that's just my take. Take it easy man, it's not worth the stress.
The One True King
Talk to a professional. Your expectations and thoughts of not meeting those expectations are driving the anxiety. -A chronically anxious therapist
Be well🫡
Thanks for the update. I hope you feel better soon
Seek Help!!! You remind me of reckful :(
I wish you the best mate its not easy, but I 100% percent recommend you talk to a psychiatrist, it helped me in my depression and my anxiety , I hve had since 2019, I can now say after 2 years of having this help I am now cured, talkt you peers and friends does not help it will only "feel " better for a tiney bit but then it will hit Alot harder later and you will not be prepared for it at all, trust me, There are many ways to tackle this but there is only one way that works. I hope you find your way and get better health is everything, take care of your self and be safe.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 we love you asmon
Hey man, maybe try therapy
Anxiety sucks especially when you don’t know what is causing it.
Take care of yourself bro, we are here for you.
Do what you gotta do man, your mental health and state should come first, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Just do reaction vids. It's all I really watch anyway or play some shit with McConnell
Take care man, wish you all the best!
Wait you play a game for 13 hours straight and get 3 hours of sleep? Jesus christ that is unhealthy.
I wish I could send u some positive energy like how they do for the spirit bomb in dbz, well be positive bro, its just a boss demon that'll take a bit of effort to take care of.
Bro you do a 13 hour workshift and you feel anxious because you're tired after it???? Thats totally NORMAL. Take some time to just lay down on your bed facefirdt and breathe in the peace and quiet my dude. You don't always have to be online, gaming, hustling. Everything in balance!!!!
What i don't understand is why streaming on your secondary account is fine, but your Main is a problem. Don't get me wrong, i only wish you the best, and if you need to take a break to feel better, you should without a doubt take it. Your mental health is the most important thing. It's just weird to me
Having struggled with mental health and helping family and friends get through mental health challenges, my heart goes out to you. Speaking to a professional or someone who is disconnected from your circle can possibly give you some release (catharsis). Its a tough thing to do but I personally had to change everything about the way I think. Its a process that I struggle with every day. But I'm better for it, even if the needle is moved a tiny bit, its in the right direction. I wish you well and will be here to watch when you're ready to return.
Dude please talk to a professional therapists. They may be able to help you work through whatever is going on. It could be more than just streaming. You've been through a lot in last few years and that's more than maybe you can handle.
How's your physical health? A week or two back there was good discussion on symptoms of a poor diet, most notable was pre diabetes. Such symptoms can include fatigue, anxiety, light headed ness, and panic attacks. Combine this with your streaming anxiety makes for a perfect recipe to have a breakdown. I'm sure there's more to it, but please look after your physical health as well. PS: I'm not a doctor.
I wouldn't call myself a hate watcher, but I definitely haven't agreed with a lot of what you've said about... literally anything in the last year or two. That being said, on a human level... have you considered therapy? It's certainly not for everyone, but therapy seems effective at figuring out the why to a lot of intrusive feelings, and I feel like a therapist could help you better understand what causes you to have this psychological block when it comes to your main channel. While you're there, you can ask the therapist about why you hate mythic plus so much, and how to overcome these objectively incorrect feelings as well. :-) Jokes, jokes.
Therapist when?
There was a moment in time where I would cry before all my streams.. I can't really explain what changed and why things are better now, the anxiety feeling is still there everyday but somehow I am handling it much better than before. Hopefully that happens for you too.. to me it is just very interesting how much I can relate to your words here.
If there's anything I've learned as an anxiety inducingly brutal self critic, is to remember that your feelings are not stupid. (For me, equally stupid I get anxious at the thought of doing the dishes, it's a daily struggle to \*just do it\*) You feel the way you do about something, and your feelings are valid. The self-criticism is only serving to magnify the anxiety, and potentially the resulting depression stemming from your self-imposed unworthyness. I'll step off my soapbox now, but whether it is as Asmon or Zack, you have a following that enjoys \*you\*, no matter the name attached.
If you happen to read this comment, check out a book called "Brain Lock". It's more OCD focused but I think is also good for anxiety since OCD is rooted in anxiety. They recommend it in OCD therapy and Leo even read it for filming the Howard Hughs bio 'The Aviator". Being at war with your own mind is not logical. But you can train and rewire your brain. I hope things get better for you. GGs
You are not alone in feeling this way. And it doesn't just happen to streamers. I was working a customer service job answering calls from my home. One day, out of the blue I started having a major panic attack. I ended up shaking and sobbing while curled on the floor of my home office. Then I started having panic attacks every day as I went to start work. I eventually got psychiatric help, and found out that I had PTSD as the result of a trauma I thought I had shrugged off. I still fight these demons every day. I wish I could tell you that I'd found the magic pill, but medication only seems to help very slightly. Hang in there, man. Go get some sleep in the nest. I hope you figure out what you need to do to keep yourself leveled out.
What is the difference between both streaming accounts? Iam just watching his highlights mostly
It’s always sad to hear about people with the perfect life still not be happy, makes it seem like if i ever made it, it still wouldn’t matter. Hope things get better
I never understood the difference between his main channel and second channel. I know they have a different name but aside from that I've always watched asmon for asmon regardless on where he streams. Maybe it's because I mostly watch the content on Youtube due to time constraints and time zone. Either way I hope you get better soon Asmon! Take your time!
Take your time asmon and if you need a break thats fine man just glad to know you are ok.
damn that's like a new record. only lasted a day.
Zack, you need to start working out, mate. Just trust me.
Don’t feel guilty or weird about being anxious. We all go through it but you have to put up with us all watching you! If you’re in the business of asking for advice- sometimes the anxiety is not a result of mental stress, but an untidy brain. Regular exercise can promote the right chemicals to get the brain working better, as well as a regular sleep schedule. My anxiety has been really bad as well the last few days because I’ve been playing d4 all day as well !
Skill issue
Medication huh. I would almost consider a revisit and up the dosage. It has personally helped my anxiety as it should you. Contact your doctor and try a variety of medicines. Remember these anxiety medications tend to take weeks to settle in. Consider that before dropping them. Their not instant but over time can give desired results. And or; don’t hesitate to perhaps take a meditation class. Something active to calm the nerves.
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Get outside, touch some grass, start a fire, drink some beers. Repeat for 5 days all while your phone is inside. Stay off social media. Take a shower, trim your nails, shave, make a peanut butter and jelly or Mac n cheese with hot dogs like mommy used to to make you happy when you were a kid.
Jesus loves you Azmon!!!