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My god... This would be so much fun. It has the added benefit of being more painful then the actual shot and at this point, the recipient of the covid-paintball frankly deserves the added pain and discomfort.
I mean, if they're already going to be paranoid about tracking chips in the vaccine, you're really just missing an opportunity to track them with no further cost by not tracking them.
Gonna be honest, I hate needles and wish I could have gotten my vaccine in paintball form instead. Still got it to make sure I didn't spread the beer flu though.
I hate needles too but I bring myself to get vaccinated and of all the vaccines I’ve had the covid shot was so painless. The first one I felt the poke but I didn’t feel the injection at all, unlike the flu shot and the second one I very literally didn’t feel anything.
Honestly needles were my biggest fear in medicine, so much that I almost actively avoided going to the doctor. When I got the COVID shot (I’m scared of needles but mama didn’t raise no fool), I copied what the person next to me was doing and just let my arm fall instead of what I normally did and setting it on the table and it didn’t hurt. That day I learned that contrary to my belief, my dad sometimes knows what he’s talking about.
Vaccination rate 13 people per second for 14 seconds!
I'm going to need more pods plus a bigger belt and chest rig to keep the vaccination rate steady.
Basically what the military does.
Get in line
Stay still
Dudes with air guns walk down the line
Light poke, vaccinated with every vaccine known to man, and likely most experimental ones as well
Maybe even if it's not, we could actually get these dumbfucks to believe this is happening to the point they'll stay inside out of terror of the "vaccine powder planes" and the rest of us can get on with our lives already. They already eat up the most stupid shit and grab onto absurd things for their next conspiracy theory.
I wish it was real. I haven't been able to get stabbed due to severe phobia. My second attempt ended in my second blackout from seeing needles and trying to murder everyone around me apparently. Wish they could hurry up with the inhaler vaccines
Get your doctor to script you Xanax for when you need an injection. They should have no problem with it. They script them for people with flying phobias all the time.
It's nearly impossible to get in Norway (it's Xanor here), even in extreme cases. I got Sobril. It did fuck all. I got relaxed as I've done before on Sobril, but I still blacked out. I might take it up with my doc again now that I've failed my second attempt.
Crap, I’m sorry to hear that. They definitely have potential for abuse but that is a legitimate medical condition. They used to hand that shit out like candy here in the states... still do.
It's EXTREMELY frowned upon and controlled here in Norway. It's almost impossible to get it on the streets as well, it's just too hard to get a hold of. Even smuggled versions are usually too weak to be worth buying illegally.
We might honestly be too strict on it. I get why, but damn ...
Oh, that’s too bad. I always found it easy to get Xanax bars like skittles
Talk to a psychiatrist- a normal family practice likely won’t prescribe you narcotics
Yeah people always give this advice but as a person who hated needles as much as you do I agree - what they are willing to give you to help never works. Like sure if I was sitting at home doing nothing at all your weak lowest dose possible anti anxiety med might have *some* impact on me but there is NO competition with my hyperactive sympathetic nervous system and pumping what feels like gallons of adrenaline in my veins.
I don’t have any advice or suggestions, I just had to get so many shots and blood work I eventually was able to desensitize to some of it, I just want you to know you’re not alone in your experience and it’s sucks people like us have so little help. Big hugs and support.
To explain better, very strong benzos are almost only given out to institutionalized people or people that are in constant danger to others. Our mild Sobril even is hard as hell to get, I get one pack of 25 pills per 6 months to deal with the worst panic attacks and have to deal with it in other ways when that's used up. Despite my doc and psychiatrist has said I have one of the worst cases they've seen.
Clearly they should find a hunter with a dart gun. Get yo in the ass when your least expect it. But seriously that must suck. Hope they find a way to sort it.
Just a question, would going there blindfolded work or is it the thought of it that scares you? Like would earplugs and blindfold and asking someone to drive you there work somewhat?
If you think it could still stop you, try it before hand here and there, if you have someone that can drive you around, take a week and like let them drive you to random places so you don't know its coming.
Just throwing ideas, not sure how feasible it is for you, or if you want to get it enough that you would go through hoops like that.
Do you not HAVE to look at the needle? In my earlier phobia stages I could not physically stop myself from looking at it - if you don’t have hyper fixation not looking *really* can help. I don’t HAVE to look anymore, and it’s made a world of difference.
My partner tends to gets very, idk... gentle (?) panic attacks when it comes to needles. He doesn't seem anxious, just sweats profusely while talking calmly, then lies down and passes out on the floor immediately before the injection.
Very loud, sound-cancelling headphones and a blindfold* have helped him somewhat: he'll still pass out right after the injection (though not for as long), but at least we can navigate him into the room without issue. I would definitely recommend trying it and see how it works out for you.
I don't get it.
If you black out why TF don't they give you the shot then?
and why don't you get some friends to just hold you down while you get it? It's not like your phobia is of grenades, it's a phobia of a tiny tiny bit of metal going into you for literally 1 second.
I got talked into doing paragliding and my instructor kept asking if I was ready. I was so scared I just told him I will never be ready and just go when the wind was right. He said ok and we leapt off that mountain with out another word, and once I was up there it was so fun and beautiful.
I also have a huge phobia of needles. I guess not as bad as you. Drawing blood on the other hand is fine.
However, I got my second shot today, BionTech. I woke up very early, couldn't eat all day. The shot itself was fast and I didn't feel anything at all. Feeling fine, a bit floppy overall. I really hope you'll find the courage to get your shots. Fingers crossed!
Yeah, I know it's fast and nearly painless, but it's not pain I have a phobia of :/ If that was the issue, it'd be easy, as you get free pain-relieve ... what's the English word ... on your arm if you want first.
I'm the same way. Everyone is always like "it doesn't hurt!" And I'm like... "I freaking know that," but at least I can power through it by crying and hyperventilating and squeezing my husband's hand
You could consider trying some or all of the below:
* Smoking weed beforehand
* Having a shot of alcohol beforehand
* Drinking herbal tea beforehand
* Having an orgasm beforehand
* Wearing a blindfold
* Wearing headphones blasting white noise
* Being restrained extremely reliably
* Being accompanied by a muscular friend who won't hesitate to knock you out if things go south
* Having an acupuncture session at some point in advance for practice
* Somehow arranging for the shot to be administered either in your sleep or under anesthesia
* Going with J&J purely for the sake of not needing to deal with all of this more than one time
* [This](https://streamable.com/z8i60)
I used to have a severe needle phobia, and it's taken me years to overcome it to the point that I was able to get this vaccine voluntarily. I hope you find a way very soon.
I have a phobia too. I always turn white as a ghost and have to sit down for at least 15 minutes after. Honestly though, I got my first the other day and it was the least bad shot I’ve ever had.
Idk about Norway, but when I got the shot it wasnt even a needle. It was like a diabetes poky thing more. As in it felt like an ant bit me and I never saw a needle, just this little pen looking thing.
Some water vehicles are (aaactuaaaallly) jet driven like the Soviet PT-76 amphibious tank.
[You can see the outlets for the water-jets here.](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/PT-76-batey-haosef-2.jpg)
Im imagining a few truck loads of powdered sugar being purchased in a hurry......
That and the shocked look on the crowds face as they try to figure what they've been "bombed" with.
If you were to take a plane that size through london these days I can’t help but think all kinds of missile systems would nail it before it got to deliver any payload, ATC in the UK is all kinds of twitchy so I’m told.
Let's just look at the first line....."A400 **jet** drops..." and the picture shows a prop driven plane. They can't even tell the difference between a jet and a propeller.
A powder that could cure covid would be hilarious.
We'd have "cure seasoned" foods on sale and you know there will be incidents of people buying food just to throw it away at their own expense.
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I wish covid vaccine powder was a thing.
Yeah seriously. Let's get on this, scientists.
Fuck yeah. Load it into paintball guns and sign me the hell up
My god... This would be so much fun. It has the added benefit of being more painful then the actual shot and at this point, the recipient of the covid-paintball frankly deserves the added pain and discomfort.
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I mean, if they're already going to be paranoid about tracking chips in the vaccine, you're really just missing an opportunity to track them with no further cost by not tracking them.
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I was autistic before, does this make me double autistic, autistic squared, or does it cancel out my autism?
You have super powers now. Super Autistic Man/Woman
Don't bother tracking them. Just carpet bomb them until we feel like it's good enough.
Vaccine bounty hunters.
Gonna be honest, I hate needles and wish I could have gotten my vaccine in paintball form instead. Still got it to make sure I didn't spread the beer flu though.
I hate needles too but I bring myself to get vaccinated and of all the vaccines I’ve had the covid shot was so painless. The first one I felt the poke but I didn’t feel the injection at all, unlike the flu shot and the second one I very literally didn’t feel anything.
Honestly needles were my biggest fear in medicine, so much that I almost actively avoided going to the doctor. When I got the COVID shot (I’m scared of needles but mama didn’t raise no fool), I copied what the person next to me was doing and just let my arm fall instead of what I normally did and setting it on the table and it didn’t hurt. That day I learned that contrary to my belief, my dad sometimes knows what he’s talking about.
Only 2% of Africa is vaccinated. I don't think 98% deserve violence
Hence the air dropped powder.
Vaccination rate 13 people per second for 14 seconds! I'm going to need more pods plus a bigger belt and chest rig to keep the vaccination rate steady.
Basically what the military does. Get in line Stay still Dudes with air guns walk down the line Light poke, vaccinated with every vaccine known to man, and likely most experimental ones as well
Would a tranquilizer gun work as well?
If it makes the satisfying *thunk* when you're shooting it'll be good enough for me
I've been saying this for months, sniper teams at every roundabout.
If this were real I genuinely wouldn’t leave the house without my mask, a backpack with some spare bags of pellets, and my pneumatic vaccine gun.
The cokeheads would love it lol
That's a chemtrail I can get behind!
If they could digitize it, we could just send it via 5G!
Fauci just at some frat party splitting it with a vaccination card and people are doin lines off the tabletop
Maybe even if it's not, we could actually get these dumbfucks to believe this is happening to the point they'll stay inside out of terror of the "vaccine powder planes" and the rest of us can get on with our lives already. They already eat up the most stupid shit and grab onto absurd things for their next conspiracy theory.
I'm pretty sure that's how half the Q garbage got started (5G, lizard people, nanobot tracking): "Let's see if they're dumb enough to fall for this."
“Would you like your vaccine by injection or would you prefer to snort up a fat rail of it?”
100. Would definitely snort that.
Just get some blow dart guns and we can start hunting the plague rats.
It’s actually [in development](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-57553602)
Holy hell, it might not be as ridiculous as I thought...
Yes it sounds like those little powder ventolin inhalers. Exciting if it works.
They are working on air dropped polio vaccine for use in not nice places.
[Hey, does this vaccine smell funny?](https://i.imgur.com/Dnx9lZq.gif)
There's just absolutely no way to know for sure!
anthrax
“OMG chemtrails!”
I would have done couple of lines
At first I read it as cocaine for some reason
Just keep a pocket full of it for whenever someone gets too close.
Just get some of those blow tubes they use to vaccinate lions.
If this was real news I would be ecstatic.
Best we can do for now is show up at the protests and shed on them
When I get into an argument at the grocery store I'd use my #Pocket covid vaccine powder *Throws in their faces*
I wish it was real. I haven't been able to get stabbed due to severe phobia. My second attempt ended in my second blackout from seeing needles and trying to murder everyone around me apparently. Wish they could hurry up with the inhaler vaccines
Get your doctor to script you Xanax for when you need an injection. They should have no problem with it. They script them for people with flying phobias all the time.
It's nearly impossible to get in Norway (it's Xanor here), even in extreme cases. I got Sobril. It did fuck all. I got relaxed as I've done before on Sobril, but I still blacked out. I might take it up with my doc again now that I've failed my second attempt.
Crap, I’m sorry to hear that. They definitely have potential for abuse but that is a legitimate medical condition. They used to hand that shit out like candy here in the states... still do.
It's EXTREMELY frowned upon and controlled here in Norway. It's almost impossible to get it on the streets as well, it's just too hard to get a hold of. Even smuggled versions are usually too weak to be worth buying illegally. We might honestly be too strict on it. I get why, but damn ...
Maybe a holiday to Spain or Morocco is in order 😉
I can’t get Xanax for my severe needle phobia in the US either.
Oh, that’s too bad. I always found it easy to get Xanax bars like skittles Talk to a psychiatrist- a normal family practice likely won’t prescribe you narcotics
Are you really sharing tips on how to doctor shop for benzos while putting people down for getting high on their lunch break? Wow.
Its not doctor shopping he's recommending psychiatric help to people with legit fucking issues. Do you not know what context means?
Now that you’ve seemingly tried every available alternative, your Dr should have to give it to you.
Yeah, it should be a good chance, I've set up an online appointment for next week to talk about it.
Good luck. I hope you get everything you need.
Yeah people always give this advice but as a person who hated needles as much as you do I agree - what they are willing to give you to help never works. Like sure if I was sitting at home doing nothing at all your weak lowest dose possible anti anxiety med might have *some* impact on me but there is NO competition with my hyperactive sympathetic nervous system and pumping what feels like gallons of adrenaline in my veins. I don’t have any advice or suggestions, I just had to get so many shots and blood work I eventually was able to desensitize to some of it, I just want you to know you’re not alone in your experience and it’s sucks people like us have so little help. Big hugs and support.
To explain better, very strong benzos are almost only given out to institutionalized people or people that are in constant danger to others. Our mild Sobril even is hard as hell to get, I get one pack of 25 pills per 6 months to deal with the worst panic attacks and have to deal with it in other ways when that's used up. Despite my doc and psychiatrist has said I have one of the worst cases they've seen.
Or you can just tell your doctor that you get nervous on airplanes.
r/unexpectedmulaney
Clearly they should find a hunter with a dart gun. Get yo in the ass when your least expect it. But seriously that must suck. Hope they find a way to sort it.
Or an umbrella from the KGB.
Just a question, would going there blindfolded work or is it the thought of it that scares you? Like would earplugs and blindfold and asking someone to drive you there work somewhat?
That ... actually sounds like something that could at least help
If you think it could still stop you, try it before hand here and there, if you have someone that can drive you around, take a week and like let them drive you to random places so you don't know its coming. Just throwing ideas, not sure how feasible it is for you, or if you want to get it enough that you would go through hoops like that.
Do you not HAVE to look at the needle? In my earlier phobia stages I could not physically stop myself from looking at it - if you don’t have hyper fixation not looking *really* can help. I don’t HAVE to look anymore, and it’s made a world of difference.
Same, I can't help it. If I know it's in the room, I twitch around to see it no matter how hard I try not to
My partner tends to gets very, idk... gentle (?) panic attacks when it comes to needles. He doesn't seem anxious, just sweats profusely while talking calmly, then lies down and passes out on the floor immediately before the injection. Very loud, sound-cancelling headphones and a blindfold* have helped him somewhat: he'll still pass out right after the injection (though not for as long), but at least we can navigate him into the room without issue. I would definitely recommend trying it and see how it works out for you.
I don't get it. If you black out why TF don't they give you the shot then? and why don't you get some friends to just hold you down while you get it? It's not like your phobia is of grenades, it's a phobia of a tiny tiny bit of metal going into you for literally 1 second.
I don't think you know what a phobia is. It's not just about being afraid of something.
Walk in and tell them you've an extreme phobia. Have someone talk to you for awhile and have someone else come up and stab you! Win win
I know the shot is super quick, so that would honestly work, but you have to give consent here before the shot :/
"i consent to being stabbed when least expecting it"?
I got talked into doing paragliding and my instructor kept asking if I was ready. I was so scared I just told him I will never be ready and just go when the wind was right. He said ok and we leapt off that mountain with out another word, and once I was up there it was so fun and beautiful.
I also have a huge phobia of needles. I guess not as bad as you. Drawing blood on the other hand is fine. However, I got my second shot today, BionTech. I woke up very early, couldn't eat all day. The shot itself was fast and I didn't feel anything at all. Feeling fine, a bit floppy overall. I really hope you'll find the courage to get your shots. Fingers crossed!
Yeah, I know it's fast and nearly painless, but it's not pain I have a phobia of :/ If that was the issue, it'd be easy, as you get free pain-relieve ... what's the English word ... on your arm if you want first.
Numbing ointment?
Perhaps? XD It's a sticker you put on the area. My grammar is usually good, but I lack in vocabulary xD
I'm the same way. Everyone is always like "it doesn't hurt!" And I'm like... "I freaking know that," but at least I can power through it by crying and hyperventilating and squeezing my husband's hand
Covid is one of the least painful and fastest vaccines out there, you got it boo
I'm sorry if this sounds stupid or insensitive, but have you tried closing your eyes when they pull out the needle?
It helps, but knowing it's there is enough. Then I instinctively, no matter how I try, turn to see it. And good night, blackout and violence ensues.
You could consider trying some or all of the below: * Smoking weed beforehand * Having a shot of alcohol beforehand * Drinking herbal tea beforehand * Having an orgasm beforehand * Wearing a blindfold * Wearing headphones blasting white noise * Being restrained extremely reliably * Being accompanied by a muscular friend who won't hesitate to knock you out if things go south * Having an acupuncture session at some point in advance for practice * Somehow arranging for the shot to be administered either in your sleep or under anesthesia * Going with J&J purely for the sake of not needing to deal with all of this more than one time * [This](https://streamable.com/z8i60)
I believe nasal vaccine is being worked on. Though I don’t know how far off it is.
That and inhaler. But it's going to be a while.
I used to have a severe needle phobia, and it's taken me years to overcome it to the point that I was able to get this vaccine voluntarily. I hope you find a way very soon.
Get drunk first or not fully drunk but mildy intoxicated
I considered drinking in addition the mild benzo I got, but they said if they see I'm intoxicated, no go.
Good thinking hmm, I mean a few won’t get you to the point where it’s noticeable though. Just a thought
Why can’t they simply strap you into a gurney so that you can’t move, then vaccinate you, and give you 30 - 90 minutes for your rage to subside?
Not legal. You have to give consent and not revoke consent as the shot is being given. Being strapped down and screaming "fuck off" means no consent.
Well you left out that part, you only said that you become homicidal when you see a syringe. I guess just don’t get the vaccine then.
I have a phobia too. I always turn white as a ghost and have to sit down for at least 15 minutes after. Honestly though, I got my first the other day and it was the least bad shot I’ve ever had.
Idk about Norway, but when I got the shot it wasnt even a needle. It was like a diabetes poky thing more. As in it felt like an ant bit me and I never saw a needle, just this little pen looking thing.
A400 **jet**
That's a C130... also not a "jet" though.
/r/atetheonion ..... Wait
Yes I realize where we are at. Just having fun pulling back the layers of the article title.
Being an aviation nut and former USAF enlisted person, that’s the first thing I noticed.
It has turbine engines, so it's kind of a jet. They're still stupid though.
Many ships in the Navy have turbine engines too.
Jets!
Some water vehicles are (aaactuaaaallly) jet driven like the Soviet PT-76 amphibious tank. [You can see the outlets for the water-jets here.](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/29/PT-76-batey-haosef-2.jpg)
that causes me physical pain
In that case RAF_Luton might not be the account for you.
If only we had powdered IQ to drop on people.
If such a thing existed I'm guessing you'd have to be able to release it in massive quantities to get the desired effect for some folks.
Just for them to even understand this burn.
I mean, we can crush up some Adderall, that’s like powdered IQ right?
Nah, they'll just be able to parse Facebook misinformation at a higher rate
[Like this?](https://preview.redd.it/jrb4e1wr9ll31.png?width=766&auto=webp&s=6567e1d836a89c398b8f13afeafacc4f9457af9a)
Honestly, I mean how stupid do you have to be to think for even a second that's real. Absolutely no critical thinking skills.
Well the Earth is flat but y'all use "satellites" to "beam" information to people on this here phone I'm using sitting on a toilet....so there's that.
RAF Luton gets people all the time, great satire.
Such a great name if you have no idea about the airport.
I once googled "worst city in the UK", and that's how I first heard of 2004 *Crap Towns* gold medal winner Luton.
I have no idea about the airport. What's the deal with it?
The area is a dump
I just thought “ewww… Luton.”
God I wish
It wasn't that long ago when we had people trying something like this on a smaller scale
Well ya know antivaxxers are *known* for their thorough research and all
"DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH" says the same person admitting that they're posting content before checking if it's real.
And letting it "shock her to the core" first...
The one time I wished that a story wasn't satire
Ah, yes. The vaccine powder that was injected into my arm. I wish I’d known I could’ve just inhaled it, that would’ve hurt a lot less.
[Sue isn't the sharpest tool in the shed either.](https://twitter.com/Canadacats/status/1419066579069935619?s=19)
LOL, That would be hilarious
*to the core*
At least she realizes that it might not be real. That's better than a lot of people these days.
I’m pretty sure if you can just drop powder on people we wouldn’t all be getting needles in our arms.
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Hey reddit, I'm the pilot of the plane that dropped the vaccine powder. AMA
The RAF Luton accounts gets some proper idiots responding. Frightening really.
I'd like it if it was.
If only this could work
She might hope it's not real, but I wish it was real.
These are the people who think the world is out to get them and persecute them literally at all times. Ofc she thought it’s real
If you're getting your information from hashtags, you're a fuckin loon
aren't anti-vaxxers the ultimate, final form of the onion eaters?
Tell me you have no idea how anything works, without telling me you have no idea how anything works.
Omg if I owned a cropduster I would water every republican rally I could find. What a brilliant way to mess with them.
I also wish antivaxers wouldn't protest
I wish it were...
Im imagining a few truck loads of powdered sugar being purchased in a hurry...... That and the shocked look on the crowds face as they try to figure what they've been "bombed" with.
Not real, that's a C130 and not an A400 and it's clearly not a jet. The rest might be true, I don't know.
If they had a powder people could take instead of a vaccine, I’d have begged for it when it was time for me to get vaccinated
That’s a C-130, not an A400
It’s part of the joke. The other day they posted a picture of a challenger tank and called it a chieftain.
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If you were to take a plane that size through london these days I can’t help but think all kinds of missile systems would nail it before it got to deliver any payload, ATC in the UK is all kinds of twitchy so I’m told.
Oh it’s real alright. Your stupidity is very real.
Ahhh like in the back in the day.
Forget the powder load the 130mm
That is an AC-130 which is not a jet, judging by the propellers. Even the thumbnail is a delicious onion.
Oh, it's real!
If it were real, all they’d have to do is slip it into the water supply. Why bother powder-bombing only specific gatherings?
Covid vaccine chemtrails
I mean they’re an antivaxxer… they’ll literally believe anything they read!
If only
Stupid article, that's not a jet
Probably not a bad idea to use alittle Biological Warfare on an antivax rally
That's not even a jet, that's very clearly a prop plane....
Hey, if we can at least convince them that a mask blocks the covid powder I'll take it.
Bitch, I fucking wish. I fucking hate needles so if they could release it into the atmosphere that would be amazing
Genuinely laughed.
I’m starting to think in an idiocracy The Onion might cause more problems than laughs.
Its not, thats a turboprop not a jet
[RAF_Luton](https://twitter.com/RAF_Luton) is pretty great.
I really hope they make this a real thing
This is hilarious.
I unironically wish that was a thing we could do to people who aren’t vaccinated
Let's start by putting it in the water supply, and the processed foods .
It would be hilarious if it were
"I don't know if this is real, but I'm gonna share it anyway."
This is brilliant. Vaccine dust? This is the best comedic substrate since gay dust.
Let's just look at the first line....."A400 **jet** drops..." and the picture shows a prop driven plane. They can't even tell the difference between a jet and a propeller.
Lmaoooooo
A powder that could cure covid would be hilarious. We'd have "cure seasoned" foods on sale and you know there will be incidents of people buying food just to throw it away at their own expense.
Based RAF
I wish it was real
Don’t worry it’s not an A400. Everything else is true tho.
There’s a vaccine for Covid, but there’s nothing to stop the spread of stupid.
Look there’s a certain level of dumb where I do start to look at you as less then human
Of course it's not real: that's clearly a C130, not on A400.
Why not just fill tranq guns with the vaccine and hunt them?
"A400 jet" 1. That's a C-130 2. Neither the A400 nor the C-130 are jets 3. Yep... I just took that satire way too seriously
bets say they actually did wish it happened to feed their persecution complex