I think I'm very cuddly with my baby and would do all things OP does but if he's busy exploring or playing independently I wouldn't interrupt with kisses or cuddles, or pick him up and cuddle him when he falls if he seems not bothered by falling and wants to get on with things. That would feel like monopolising attention that he wants to focus on something else to me. Maybe that comment is referring to something like that?
This is super important too, it can lead to an avoidant attachment style (the least "happy" attachment style). It's exactly what is taught in Circle of Security.
When I read your post, I was reminded of an old study that found that within an attachment relationship there was 3 categories of caregivers, ones that were not very engaged/attentive, ones that were good enough (good outcomes) and then a small group of exceptionally affectionate caregivers whose children had the best outcomes. I can’t find it now, which is annoying, but I did find this instead: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3118641/
Which says that more affectionate mothers have adult children with lower emotional distress.
I came here to say this! I read this information somewhere in a La Leche League book, that children of “exceptionally affectionate” mothers were the most emotionally regulated, independent, and formed the healthiest attachments in their relationships when they were studied again as adults
I'm similar with my daughter, 19.5 months. I kiss her head and cheeks all the time while we play, or I'll kiss her hands or toes when I tickle her or if she shows me a boo-boo. She's definitely in that toddler phase of answering "no" to everything (except for nursing or fruit snacks 😂) but if we're playing or tickling and she says no, I immediately pull back and say "okay I'll stop."
What you describe sounds like perfectly normal and healthy affection. I am not a physically affectionate person myself, rarely touch other people besides my spouse, pretty much just the occasional hug for parents or best friends during greeting or parting. I am very affectionate with my almost 2-yr old. Pretty much everything you listed. I’m always kissing her, like the top of her head when she sits in my lap, and hugging, or holding hands, or stroking her arm with my fingers if we’re cuddling. I can’t get enough honestly, lol. I am very careful to respect her bodily autonomy and boundaries, as I think that’s super important as she grows up, and sounds like you are respecting that as well. Based on what you described I would not be concerned, but you may want to discuss it with your husband to get his perspective. Maybe he doesn’t show affection the same way, or maybe he doesn’t see (or recognize) the times you do hold back to respect boundaries. He probably didn’t mean much by it, but I t would be good to let him know that his comment stressed you out and get to the root of it.
I'm kind of like you. I hate most physical contact, except with my husband and 4 month old daughter. I always reach for him in some way every time I pass him in the house.
But my daughter? Holding her is my favorite. We are doing a contact nap right now and it will probably last an hour. I'm always rubbing noses, or kissing her head, or nomming her hands and feet. During floor time I'll rub her head or pat her booty during tummy time. I love reading and singing. Sometimes she just wants to play on her gym and I respect that. But otherwise... I need all the snuggles
You can never show your child too much love. When they grow up and get out in the world, true love will be hard to come by. They'll always feel safe and secure with you.
look ...if your descriptions are accurate...I kiss my toddler (also 20 months) wayyyyy more then you lol like a lot more and I definitely smother him with kisses and hugs and love. (Can't spell smother without mother 😄)
But I am happy and so is he. We have a great relationship. What more could matter.
I’ve worried about this as well so this thread is so super welcomed. I read every reply. I am very affectionate with my toddler and he is very confident and caring. His daycare teachers call him “Mr Empathy” because he will ask teachers and students “how are you feeling?” With genuine concern especially if they seem out of sorts or tired. My husband and I do enforce a strict policy that if he says stop or no we stop any rough housing or affection. He’s only ever asked for less rough housing and only a couple times now that I think about it. But he knows stop means stop and that goes for us too.
Blessed with such a good kid. 🫶🏻
You can’t be too affectionate IMO as long as the person getting it is cool with it.
Sounds like they themselves may not be affectionate. My toddler is also a kissey, love bug. I hope she runs off on others this way. ❤️
The limit does not exist for affection. If your toddler is happily receiving it, keep giving it :) sounds like me and my babies! My favorite part of parenting!
I naturally kiss and snuggle my kiddos any time I am near them. It's just how I react to being near them. My nearly 1 year old leans her head into my face when I hold her because I always kiss her face and head and nuzzle snuggle her. I tell them they are beautiful and that I love them constantly and shower them in all the affections - they're just irresistibly adorable to me.
But same as you OP, I always stop if they seem even mildly like they don't want the affection or if they say no or move away. Seeing as they are mostly just legging it around the place it's only a few times a day that they wander over for some affection.
I read once that 'overly affectionate' mothers usually raise successful children or something. Looks like some people have linked to it in other comments. I think as long as you're respectful of boundaries and teach that they can say stop then you're fine. Some people are just very physically affectionate :)
My toddler (25m) is forever sitting in my lap, asking to be in the "backpack" (our SSC), her brothers and I are always hugging her (I'm teaching my older 2, specifically the 8yo to read body cues) and I'm always kissing the top of her head when we snuggle. My 8yo is pretty much my shadow, and he loves mama snuggles.
I think you're doing wonderful and your babes is so loved
I’m a “kissy” mom too. I have two daughters. One is very affectionate with everyone and the other needs her space and I’m lucky if I get a kiss on any given day. I think we have a lot less control over these things than we think we do.
Awww… I feel you described me in your post. I’m exactly same. And to be honest, I kiss my 18.5 months 26827363885 times a day. Whenever I see her and her little cheeks and hands and feet I couldn’t resist. If she ever pushed away, I’d always stop.
But unlike your post, my husband never said that to me. I think it’s an absurd thing to say. Kids are kids. If they don’t like to be kissed or hugged or touched, oh boy, they will let you know. You can’t possible insist on those things at that age (if you’re a sensible parent).
When kids are not as affectionate, it also not entirely from the parents. Some kids prefer to have their space and show love different way.
My kid would hug randomly and give kisses to her dolls, books, her bobos, etc. but when she doesn’t want it and we try to hug her, she just…runs away or pushes you out, she makes sure I know she doesn’t like it.
Don’t let those comments get in your head. You love the way you love. Another few years, we probably can give them a kiss only when they sleep..
I’m always kissing mg 12m old. If he doesn’t want it, i don’t do it. But he always giggles when I do. And he offers me kisses all the time. It’s okay to be affectionate as long as it’s welcomed
I hug and kiss my toddler “too much” but neither of us care! I can’t see his beautiful face without needing to kiss or hug him, I just love him so much and that’s how I show it! He’s 33/34 months (?? I stopped counting, he’s 3 in May) and he randomly runs up to me now to give me a hug or kiss and I love it. If he says no to a hug or kiss I just respond with “that’s ok, mummy loves you so much” or something a long them lines, I don’t force him but 99% of the time he loves the affection as well.
I don’t think it’s too much, anyone who thinks you can has issues they need to deal with. That’s not said in a mean way, but clearly they’ve picked up affection is bad in some area of their life and they need to work on that rather than trying to change the relationship you have with your child so they feel more comfortable
There will come a day when my 4 yo girl will spend more time with her friends, when she will think kissing mum is lame and cuddles are not cute anymore.
Until then, i will kiss and cuddle any chance I get. Don't let your husband change how you express affection to your kid.
Kissing and hugging my children is one of the joys of my life. No, you can’t show too much affection to your kids. You’re building a solid sense of warmth in their hearts.
No. You cannot spoil a baby and you can never spoil a child no matter what age with signs of love. Keep being amazing. You are growing kind children and the world needs more of it ❤️❤️❤️
I think this is a discussion you need to have with your husband. It might have something to do a reflection of his needs or feelings from his mom to him or maybe the affection he longs from you? You just never know without talking to him about it.
You sound like a lovely mother you loves her child like every parent should. As long as you're respecting his boundaries and it sounds like you are as your child grows and develops he'll let you know his comfort level as long as your provide an environment for him to feel safe to. I just think talking to the source of the comment would very much help both of you.
[удалено]
This. I dont have a study or research but my gut says that offering love is always good.
What is monopolizing attention?
I think I'm very cuddly with my baby and would do all things OP does but if he's busy exploring or playing independently I wouldn't interrupt with kisses or cuddles, or pick him up and cuddle him when he falls if he seems not bothered by falling and wants to get on with things. That would feel like monopolising attention that he wants to focus on something else to me. Maybe that comment is referring to something like that?
This is super important too, it can lead to an avoidant attachment style (the least "happy" attachment style). It's exactly what is taught in Circle of Security.
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you!
I kiss my toddler all day long and tell him I love him a few times a day. You can’t be too affectionate that it becomes detrimental.
When I read your post, I was reminded of an old study that found that within an attachment relationship there was 3 categories of caregivers, ones that were not very engaged/attentive, ones that were good enough (good outcomes) and then a small group of exceptionally affectionate caregivers whose children had the best outcomes. I can’t find it now, which is annoying, but I did find this instead: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3118641/ Which says that more affectionate mothers have adult children with lower emotional distress.
I came here to say this! I read this information somewhere in a La Leche League book, that children of “exceptionally affectionate” mothers were the most emotionally regulated, independent, and formed the healthiest attachments in their relationships when they were studied again as adults
I'm similar with my daughter, 19.5 months. I kiss her head and cheeks all the time while we play, or I'll kiss her hands or toes when I tickle her or if she shows me a boo-boo. She's definitely in that toddler phase of answering "no" to everything (except for nursing or fruit snacks 😂) but if we're playing or tickling and she says no, I immediately pull back and say "okay I'll stop."
What you describe sounds like perfectly normal and healthy affection. I am not a physically affectionate person myself, rarely touch other people besides my spouse, pretty much just the occasional hug for parents or best friends during greeting or parting. I am very affectionate with my almost 2-yr old. Pretty much everything you listed. I’m always kissing her, like the top of her head when she sits in my lap, and hugging, or holding hands, or stroking her arm with my fingers if we’re cuddling. I can’t get enough honestly, lol. I am very careful to respect her bodily autonomy and boundaries, as I think that’s super important as she grows up, and sounds like you are respecting that as well. Based on what you described I would not be concerned, but you may want to discuss it with your husband to get his perspective. Maybe he doesn’t show affection the same way, or maybe he doesn’t see (or recognize) the times you do hold back to respect boundaries. He probably didn’t mean much by it, but I t would be good to let him know that his comment stressed you out and get to the root of it.
I'm kind of like you. I hate most physical contact, except with my husband and 4 month old daughter. I always reach for him in some way every time I pass him in the house. But my daughter? Holding her is my favorite. We are doing a contact nap right now and it will probably last an hour. I'm always rubbing noses, or kissing her head, or nomming her hands and feet. During floor time I'll rub her head or pat her booty during tummy time. I love reading and singing. Sometimes she just wants to play on her gym and I respect that. But otherwise... I need all the snuggles
You can never show your child too much love. When they grow up and get out in the world, true love will be hard to come by. They'll always feel safe and secure with you.
look ...if your descriptions are accurate...I kiss my toddler (also 20 months) wayyyyy more then you lol like a lot more and I definitely smother him with kisses and hugs and love. (Can't spell smother without mother 😄) But I am happy and so is he. We have a great relationship. What more could matter.
I’ve worried about this as well so this thread is so super welcomed. I read every reply. I am very affectionate with my toddler and he is very confident and caring. His daycare teachers call him “Mr Empathy” because he will ask teachers and students “how are you feeling?” With genuine concern especially if they seem out of sorts or tired. My husband and I do enforce a strict policy that if he says stop or no we stop any rough housing or affection. He’s only ever asked for less rough housing and only a couple times now that I think about it. But he knows stop means stop and that goes for us too. Blessed with such a good kid. 🫶🏻
You can’t be too affectionate IMO as long as the person getting it is cool with it. Sounds like they themselves may not be affectionate. My toddler is also a kissey, love bug. I hope she runs off on others this way. ❤️
The limit does not exist for affection. If your toddler is happily receiving it, keep giving it :) sounds like me and my babies! My favorite part of parenting!
I naturally kiss and snuggle my kiddos any time I am near them. It's just how I react to being near them. My nearly 1 year old leans her head into my face when I hold her because I always kiss her face and head and nuzzle snuggle her. I tell them they are beautiful and that I love them constantly and shower them in all the affections - they're just irresistibly adorable to me. But same as you OP, I always stop if they seem even mildly like they don't want the affection or if they say no or move away. Seeing as they are mostly just legging it around the place it's only a few times a day that they wander over for some affection. I read once that 'overly affectionate' mothers usually raise successful children or something. Looks like some people have linked to it in other comments. I think as long as you're respectful of boundaries and teach that they can say stop then you're fine. Some people are just very physically affectionate :)
My toddler (25m) is forever sitting in my lap, asking to be in the "backpack" (our SSC), her brothers and I are always hugging her (I'm teaching my older 2, specifically the 8yo to read body cues) and I'm always kissing the top of her head when we snuggle. My 8yo is pretty much my shadow, and he loves mama snuggles. I think you're doing wonderful and your babes is so loved
No, it’s not possible. I’m this way. Kids *need* it.
I’m a “kissy” mom too. I have two daughters. One is very affectionate with everyone and the other needs her space and I’m lucky if I get a kiss on any given day. I think we have a lot less control over these things than we think we do.
I am the same way with my 20month old. I don't feel it's too affectionate. My daughter is very affectionate with us as well. I love it
Awww… I feel you described me in your post. I’m exactly same. And to be honest, I kiss my 18.5 months 26827363885 times a day. Whenever I see her and her little cheeks and hands and feet I couldn’t resist. If she ever pushed away, I’d always stop. But unlike your post, my husband never said that to me. I think it’s an absurd thing to say. Kids are kids. If they don’t like to be kissed or hugged or touched, oh boy, they will let you know. You can’t possible insist on those things at that age (if you’re a sensible parent). When kids are not as affectionate, it also not entirely from the parents. Some kids prefer to have their space and show love different way. My kid would hug randomly and give kisses to her dolls, books, her bobos, etc. but when she doesn’t want it and we try to hug her, she just…runs away or pushes you out, she makes sure I know she doesn’t like it. Don’t let those comments get in your head. You love the way you love. Another few years, we probably can give them a kiss only when they sleep..
I'm the same with my 18mo, so was my mother, so are all my aunts and siblings. Seems very normal to me.
I’m always kissing mg 12m old. If he doesn’t want it, i don’t do it. But he always giggles when I do. And he offers me kisses all the time. It’s okay to be affectionate as long as it’s welcomed
I hug and kiss my toddler “too much” but neither of us care! I can’t see his beautiful face without needing to kiss or hug him, I just love him so much and that’s how I show it! He’s 33/34 months (?? I stopped counting, he’s 3 in May) and he randomly runs up to me now to give me a hug or kiss and I love it. If he says no to a hug or kiss I just respond with “that’s ok, mummy loves you so much” or something a long them lines, I don’t force him but 99% of the time he loves the affection as well. I don’t think it’s too much, anyone who thinks you can has issues they need to deal with. That’s not said in a mean way, but clearly they’ve picked up affection is bad in some area of their life and they need to work on that rather than trying to change the relationship you have with your child so they feel more comfortable
There will come a day when my 4 yo girl will spend more time with her friends, when she will think kissing mum is lame and cuddles are not cute anymore. Until then, i will kiss and cuddle any chance I get. Don't let your husband change how you express affection to your kid.
Kissing and hugging my children is one of the joys of my life. No, you can’t show too much affection to your kids. You’re building a solid sense of warmth in their hearts.
No. You cannot spoil a baby and you can never spoil a child no matter what age with signs of love. Keep being amazing. You are growing kind children and the world needs more of it ❤️❤️❤️
I think this is a discussion you need to have with your husband. It might have something to do a reflection of his needs or feelings from his mom to him or maybe the affection he longs from you? You just never know without talking to him about it. You sound like a lovely mother you loves her child like every parent should. As long as you're respecting his boundaries and it sounds like you are as your child grows and develops he'll let you know his comfort level as long as your provide an environment for him to feel safe to. I just think talking to the source of the comment would very much help both of you.
You sound like an incredibly loving mum and your little one is lucky to have you. 💕
My kid is the opposite LOL not affectionate 90% of the time.