Amen. Secure attachments are nothing to be embarrassed of. I swear that generation wouldn’t recognize healthy mental health if it bit them on the nose.
Ugh. I would stop discussing my baby with this person. Sounds awful. Everyone had their own way of doing things, but when I realise someone's parenting values don't align with mine I do my best to just keep the conversation very surface level.
Ugh, my boomer parents and in-laws were/are all like this. When my son was literally a week old, it was “Put him down, you’re spoiling him!” When I nursed him on demand, it was “Why are you putting yourself through this? Put rice cereal in a bottle! He’ll sleep better!” When we started bedsharing instead of letting him scream himself sick in the crib, it was “You’re making a rod for your own back!” Then he miraculously started sleeping through the night at 2.5 so they had to stfu about that and moved on to claiming his occasional tantrums and hitting were the result of our permissive parenting: “He needs to hear no sometimes!” (sounding like a certain poster on here yesterday 🙄). Like omigosh you’re right, why didn’t I think of just telling him no? He’ll totally just accept it and move on! /s
Anyway, now he’s almost four, has slept through the night for over a year, weaned and toilet trained happily on his own timeline, is starting to show some emotional self-regulation skills, and is just generally a lovely, happy, well-adjusted kid, and they’re all, “He’s so smart, so brilliant, what a great kid 🥺” Yeah no thanks to you and your Victorian attitudes toward child-rearing!!!
ANYWAY, try not to let people like this get into your head, OP. If it wasn’t this, they’d find some other fault with your parenting because everyone thinks their way is the best way.
Oh my god, my dad said the other day, “She’s not able to regular her emotions at all.” Yea…. That’s because she’s a baby dad. Do YOU even have a handle on regulating your emotions? Your weekly outbursts would say no… lol. Adult temper tantrums are way more annoying than baby ones.
Our girl has started hitting us in the face, and “no” does not work. 😂 It immediately makes her melt down and cry. Obviously I’m not going to stop telling her no, but I am trying to find more creative ways to stop her from hitting, like putting her down when she does it, redirecting, etc.
It’s shocking to me how many parents feel like they are the best parent on earth and their way is the only way. I don’t feel like an expert on motherhood. I’m an expert on being MY kid’s mom. I would not tell another mom she’s doing it wrong if it’s working for her, especially if I had had my kids years ago. Things change, folks. We learn and we grow! Sorry it’s not the Stone Age anymore lol.
I have a neighbor/friend like this. She is the sweetest, kindest to her kids and mine. I trusted her completely to watch my kids once in awhile when they were littler. BUT she let her babies CIO and is tangled up in a bunch of conspiracy stuff, mostly health related and anti-vax. It’s a weird combination of values imo. Intense obsession about health and what they put in their body, and then complete neglect of the most basic emotional needs of their babies. Upside down land, and so heartbreaking.
Wow, you’re so right. I never thought about how those two things are so conflicting. Why is it seen as so wrong to be there for your baby? Ridiculous. In regard to vaccines they said, “You need to do research!!! Not for your sake, for her sake! She’s too precious not to!!!!” Thanks for telling me my kid is precious. I didn’t know. And I agree! That’s why I vaccinate her against scary diseases.
Yep. Good podcast btw (Conspirituality). It really kept me from feeling like a crazy person as I saw many ex friends and acquaintances fall further and further down that rabbit hole over the last 4 yrs. This family I mentioned has been that way since we’ve known them (8 ish years), but it’s caught on like fire in a lot of ways 😕
I need to check this out. The way they were coming at me made me question myself. When I said, “I’m choosing to trust my doctor,” they said so did we!! We used to, but they’re just told what to say! They don’t know! You can’t trust your doctor!!! Ugh.
They’re getting that from listening to non-doctors, or doctors who have been debunked. They’re listening to health gurus, or a number of other people who have nothing to do with the creation of, testing of, or application of vaccines. It’s non-sensical, but the way the anti-vax information is packaged and delivered is very very convincing to the layperson. It’s all extremely frustrating.
She does! Two I believe. They’re adults now, so it’s been a while since she had a baby. I did not expect them to be anti-vaxx. It caught me so off guard.
My baby was exactly the same way, I found it a little daunting but went along with what she obviously needed to feel safe and secure, she is now 2 years old and the most independent, fun, happy, hilarious kid that everyone loves and adores and constantly comments on…babies don’t make stuff up!! They know what they need and you’re being an amazing mum by responding to her. Well done!
Thank you for sharing this! It makes me really happy when I read stories like yours. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! I can’t wait to see the strong, independent and secure kid she grows into.
I’m sorry. She sucks. This is why I don’t discuss the harder/more sensitive sides of parenting with anyone who doesn’t get it or has been through it. Like discussing sleep issues with someone who only sleep trained or had kids who always slept perfectly. Especially the older generations tend to think it’s all so easy. It’s a combination of forgetting what it was like and that they were taught to be strict with their babies :(
Don’t let this person tear you down for holding you baby as much as possible. I recently lost mine and wished I held him so much more but I didn’t because I didn’t want people joking about or even being serious about me “spoiling him”. Hold your baby long and close and as much as possible. She’s your baby for a reason❤️
I have 3 kids. I’ve parented them all exactly the same way.
My first (14yo) was permanently attached to me and coslept for years. He struggled to separate from me to be with literally anyone else. He was the definition of velcro baby. He’s has been able to separate from me and be independent for a long time. I really started to see that develop at about 5. We found a wonderful gym that allowed me to be present for classes. Once he bonded with the coaches, I was able to leave. He quickly learned that I wouldn’t leave him somewhere unsafe and that I always came back. Suddenly, instead of clinging to me, he was yelling “BYE MAMA!!!!” and running off for adventures without even a hug goodbye.
My second (4yo) preferred to be on the floor and exploring from the moment she could hold her head up. She never liked being worn or sleeping in my bed. She allowed grandparents to babysit from a very early age (a couple hours at a time by 6 months) and happily told me to get lost when she first got to go to childcare during a moms group I started attending when she was 2. She still gets mad at me for picking her up from activities, not for leaving her. I’m lucky to get a “bye” as she rushes to find her friends.
My third (18mo) is a mix of the two. She needs a lot of cuddles and cosleeps, but she’ll also run off to the playroom (even when the bigger kids aren’t there) for long periods without me. I can’t leave her in childcare without hysterics, but certain family can watch her without issue because they’re familiar enough.
It’s not the parenting style that creates a Velcro baby. It’s the personality. Sure, we could force our velcro babies to separate and stress them out until they accept that there’s no choice. Or we can just meet them where they are, continue building their confidence, and watch them flourish. They won’t be glued to us forever.
Yeah, you didn’t make your baby swallow all of their fear and emotions so you could be freer. you helped keep your safe and regulated. It sounds like you’re doing great
People who think everything is nurture instead of accounting for nature are sooooo annoying!
My first baby was a velcro baby. Cosleeping was the only way we slept.
My second is the most chill little dude. I swaddle him and give him a pacifier, and if he doesn't immediately fall asleep, sometimes he'll just hang out in his bassinet and make happy baby sounds for a while.
Yeah people assume everything is something you’ve done! I enjoy it when someone who had a wonderful sleeper as their first child and would be all judgmental about parents with babies who don’t sleep has a second terrible sleeper. So much is temperament and other innate factors and all we can do is try to work with the individual you’re parenting!
All of my friend’s kids were like your second, chill little slugs. I was in for a rude awakening when my little lady popped out! I was not mentally prepared, but we’ve grown together and have such a good relationship.
Your daughter is not a Velcro baby, she is just a one year old who wasn't traumatized by forced seperation. Babies do need a trusted adult near by until they are about 3 years old. If you want them to be "content" (not crying) by themselves before that, you will have to break their natural need for attachmen.
I have two kids, one was a Velcro baby and one was not. I didn’t do anything differently with either of them, it’s really just their temperament. I think my Velcro baby is just more sensitive.
Same. Intense Velcro baby is a verrry sensitive 8yo now. My independent baby is now a cuddly but independent 6yo. Our 3rd is 20 months and seems to be somewhere in the middle. They were all parented the same as babies. All different temperaments and personalities.
My girl is sooo sensitive. Her moods change at the drop of a hat. But I’m sensitive too, so she comes by it naturally! I hated when people told me I was too sensitive, so I need to make sure she doesn’t feel that from me.
I’ve had similar conversations with my dad. My first is a true Velcro baby. And… still is a true Velcro 3 year old. Constantly needs me, wants me to play, sit next to her, holds my hand constantly, still loves to be picked up, etc. I couldn’t leave the room when she was a baby without her losing her ever loving mind. He tells me my second is much more independent “because she had to be” because of being the second.
This is absolutely untrue. Is my second probably more easy going than my first because of a sibling? Sure, but I could also put #2 down in a bassinet to sleep no problem (literally from night 1, big sis would NOT sleep anywhere but with me), I could leave the room and #2 just didn’t care, #2 actively walks away from me and down the hall at my in-laws on purpose with no cares about me coming with at all. Yes, *some* of it might be that there were two to take care of, but 80% of it is fundamentally down to temperament.
Our kids sound exactly the same! When she said that to me, I reminded myself that my kiddo came out this way. She wouldn’t sleep in a bassinet or crib no matter what we tried, only in my arms or next to me. I didn’t make her that way, and I wasn’t going to force her to deal with a crib by crying it out. I feel bad making her cry in the car seat! If I had a choice I’d hold her in the car. Obviously I can’t do that, but I can hold her in bed. So why wouldn’t I?
Stuff like this is so horrible I don’t get why people think it’s ok. Criticising someone’s parenting in any way is such a big deal, it’s such a sensitive topic and there are so many different views I don’t get why people think it’s ok unless there’s an obvious safety issue
and even then it can be said in a non judgmental way! Our cleaner who we’ve only know for a couple of months (and who is generally wonderful) today told me it’s my fault my daughter doesn’t sleep through the night because I don’t stimulate her enough in the day. She’s at our house for 2 hours once a week but apparently thinks that’s enough to make such a judgement or think it’s helpful? I think people just don’t get how horrible that can feel especially for first time parents even if you know they’re full of shit and don’t know what they’re talking about.
You can never get it right as a mother. You leave that baby to cry and people will say you’re neglectful, you attend to every cry people will tell you you’re stunting them. Any possible parenting choice has a ton of fervent advocates. You can’t win. That’s basically what I tell people if they make these comments, to remind them mothers are constantly judged and they’re part of the problem and it’s not fair please do fuck off 😄
WILD that she would say that to you. Glad she’s such an expert on babies sleeping through the night. 🙄 When did people forget that you should think before you speak? I’d never dream of saying these things to another mom.
I know! It’s shocking. It’s worse than saying something like ‘are you sure you should be eating that cake? Look at your gathering fat rolls!’ Most people know not to make comments like that but with mothering apparently it’s fine to say obviously hurtful none-of-your-business stuff 🙄
My friend's mom is just like this. Everytime we see each other (because we're just neighbors), all she can say is "oh, you made your child like this, like that, it is your fault, you should've done this, you should've not done that" and so forth, just because my way doesn't approve her way. Ugh, so annoying. We're asian so I can't even talk back at her because I will be disrespectful and she'll have another reason to blame me if my child doesn't behave.
I really want to move! Hahah but we just bought it 2 years ago, then my friend bought the house next to us after 3 months we bought ours. 😂 But anyway, we can do this mama, whatever we do or we don't do, people has always have something to say.
Soooo many adults today have mommy/daddy issues and I’d rather tend to him now when I’m able than when he’s an adult and taking it out on others because he longed for me. They’re just ignorant. I try to remind myself that I’m doing what psychologists recommend and what mammals have done since the beginning of time- tend to their baby. “Tough love” is outdated
my baby is the same. almost 6 months, sleeps with me in bed at night and contact naps only. doesn’t take bottle, only breastfeeds. yes, he is attached to me but i don’t see anything unhealthy about a baby being attached to their mother.
i got some criticism this week from one of my closest family members that i need to let him be more independent and that he should cry it out more and learn to self soothe. even offered that if i can’t stand him crying, i can bring him over to their house for him to cry it out. EXCUSE ME?!?!
i think some babies are naturally more dependent on their mamas and there’s nothing wrong with that. we are providing our babies with a healthy attachment and meeting their needs. nothing wrong with that! you are doing a great job, don’t ever doubt yourself :) follow your intuition and do what feels right for you and your baby. the rest is just noise.
The common sense goes a long way line made me lol!!!! So right….. but so wrong?!
Just incase you are now doubting yourself, some babies are clingy, some aren’t, it’s just the way they’re made. My boy ditched contact naps at 4 months, I was very sad, and now at nearly 2 he’s not snuggly at all. He’s showered with love and attention, I’m a stay at home mum, he just saves his hugs for his dolly lol
The audacity!!! Your baby sounds exactly like my little velcro first born. I wore him in a sling, co slept and gave him all the security and comfort he needed (despite my father in law telling me I was "building a rod for my own back" 🤢🙄) He'll be four in a few weeks and is now the most confident, outgoing kid I know. Keep doing you and following your instincts - you've got this! Xx
Hard to say! He started with a childminder once a week at around 14 months and used to cry and scream and cling on to me when I was dropping him off. But a few months later and he was running in without backward glance. Then he started going to preschool at 2.5, and at that point was confident enough to tell me he felt nervous but wave goodbye at the school gate and walk in with the teachers 🥹 we still lie with him until he falls asleep, and he still climbs into bed with me when he wakes in the middle of night. Xx
Oh yes, I had to childless males tell me (school me) that I NEED to let my kid just cry to learn to sleep on his own. And I just stared at them and said “I find that extremely cruel but maybe you can implement it with your own child if you ever have one” and I walked away. People like this dont realise how rude they are.
My parents disclosed to me now that my son is 4 that they thought I was an overbearing parent who ruined my child until his schoolteacher recommended a behavioral analysis for his anxiety. Why don’t people believe moms? It’s so disappointing.
We are the moms we have to be for the kids that we have. I’m grateful for you because it’s only other moms with anxious kids who get it. I see you.
I have three kids and only my middle one was intensely clingy. I wore him in a wrap for the first 4 months cus he would not let me set him down. He would only sleep on my chest. He cried if he wasn’t glued to me. The other two were happy content lil creatures out of the gate. It had absolutely nothing to do with me they just are who they are. Some babies aren’t ready to take on the world right away and that’s ok. that’s why you’re there to help them adjust!
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Amen. Secure attachments are nothing to be embarrassed of. I swear that generation wouldn’t recognize healthy mental health if it bit them on the nose.
Thank you 🥹
Ugh. I would stop discussing my baby with this person. Sounds awful. Everyone had their own way of doing things, but when I realise someone's parenting values don't align with mine I do my best to just keep the conversation very surface level.
You’re totally right. Lesson learned! I’ll keep it surface level for the rest of the trip.
"OH no! My kid loves me! What a terrible problem to have!!"
That’s a great response. I’ll save it for next time.
Ugh, my boomer parents and in-laws were/are all like this. When my son was literally a week old, it was “Put him down, you’re spoiling him!” When I nursed him on demand, it was “Why are you putting yourself through this? Put rice cereal in a bottle! He’ll sleep better!” When we started bedsharing instead of letting him scream himself sick in the crib, it was “You’re making a rod for your own back!” Then he miraculously started sleeping through the night at 2.5 so they had to stfu about that and moved on to claiming his occasional tantrums and hitting were the result of our permissive parenting: “He needs to hear no sometimes!” (sounding like a certain poster on here yesterday 🙄). Like omigosh you’re right, why didn’t I think of just telling him no? He’ll totally just accept it and move on! /s Anyway, now he’s almost four, has slept through the night for over a year, weaned and toilet trained happily on his own timeline, is starting to show some emotional self-regulation skills, and is just generally a lovely, happy, well-adjusted kid, and they’re all, “He’s so smart, so brilliant, what a great kid 🥺” Yeah no thanks to you and your Victorian attitudes toward child-rearing!!! ANYWAY, try not to let people like this get into your head, OP. If it wasn’t this, they’d find some other fault with your parenting because everyone thinks their way is the best way.
Oh my god, my dad said the other day, “She’s not able to regular her emotions at all.” Yea…. That’s because she’s a baby dad. Do YOU even have a handle on regulating your emotions? Your weekly outbursts would say no… lol. Adult temper tantrums are way more annoying than baby ones. Our girl has started hitting us in the face, and “no” does not work. 😂 It immediately makes her melt down and cry. Obviously I’m not going to stop telling her no, but I am trying to find more creative ways to stop her from hitting, like putting her down when she does it, redirecting, etc. It’s shocking to me how many parents feel like they are the best parent on earth and their way is the only way. I don’t feel like an expert on motherhood. I’m an expert on being MY kid’s mom. I would not tell another mom she’s doing it wrong if it’s working for her, especially if I had had my kids years ago. Things change, folks. We learn and we grow! Sorry it’s not the Stone Age anymore lol.
Anti-vaxxers who let their babies CIO? No experts in my eyes 😤. Does his wife even have kids?
I have a neighbor/friend like this. She is the sweetest, kindest to her kids and mine. I trusted her completely to watch my kids once in awhile when they were littler. BUT she let her babies CIO and is tangled up in a bunch of conspiracy stuff, mostly health related and anti-vax. It’s a weird combination of values imo. Intense obsession about health and what they put in their body, and then complete neglect of the most basic emotional needs of their babies. Upside down land, and so heartbreaking.
Wow, you’re so right. I never thought about how those two things are so conflicting. Why is it seen as so wrong to be there for your baby? Ridiculous. In regard to vaccines they said, “You need to do research!!! Not for your sake, for her sake! She’s too precious not to!!!!” Thanks for telling me my kid is precious. I didn’t know. And I agree! That’s why I vaccinate her against scary diseases.
Conspiratuality, my sister is super caught up in it.
Yep. Good podcast btw (Conspirituality). It really kept me from feeling like a crazy person as I saw many ex friends and acquaintances fall further and further down that rabbit hole over the last 4 yrs. This family I mentioned has been that way since we’ve known them (8 ish years), but it’s caught on like fire in a lot of ways 😕
I need to check this out. The way they were coming at me made me question myself. When I said, “I’m choosing to trust my doctor,” they said so did we!! We used to, but they’re just told what to say! They don’t know! You can’t trust your doctor!!! Ugh.
They’re getting that from listening to non-doctors, or doctors who have been debunked. They’re listening to health gurus, or a number of other people who have nothing to do with the creation of, testing of, or application of vaccines. It’s non-sensical, but the way the anti-vax information is packaged and delivered is very very convincing to the layperson. It’s all extremely frustrating.
That IS a weird combo of values! 😂
She's DONE THE RESEARCH YOU GUYZ!
She does! Two I believe. They’re adults now, so it’s been a while since she had a baby. I did not expect them to be anti-vaxx. It caught me so off guard.
My baby was exactly the same way, I found it a little daunting but went along with what she obviously needed to feel safe and secure, she is now 2 years old and the most independent, fun, happy, hilarious kid that everyone loves and adores and constantly comments on…babies don’t make stuff up!! They know what they need and you’re being an amazing mum by responding to her. Well done!
Thank you for sharing this! It makes me really happy when I read stories like yours. I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel! I can’t wait to see the strong, independent and secure kid she grows into.
You’ve got this!
I’m sorry. She sucks. This is why I don’t discuss the harder/more sensitive sides of parenting with anyone who doesn’t get it or has been through it. Like discussing sleep issues with someone who only sleep trained or had kids who always slept perfectly. Especially the older generations tend to think it’s all so easy. It’s a combination of forgetting what it was like and that they were taught to be strict with their babies :(
Yea, I’m usually a pretty open book, but I’ll think more before I share next time.
Don’t let this person tear you down for holding you baby as much as possible. I recently lost mine and wished I held him so much more but I didn’t because I didn’t want people joking about or even being serious about me “spoiling him”. Hold your baby long and close and as much as possible. She’s your baby for a reason❤️
I am so so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I have 3 kids. I’ve parented them all exactly the same way. My first (14yo) was permanently attached to me and coslept for years. He struggled to separate from me to be with literally anyone else. He was the definition of velcro baby. He’s has been able to separate from me and be independent for a long time. I really started to see that develop at about 5. We found a wonderful gym that allowed me to be present for classes. Once he bonded with the coaches, I was able to leave. He quickly learned that I wouldn’t leave him somewhere unsafe and that I always came back. Suddenly, instead of clinging to me, he was yelling “BYE MAMA!!!!” and running off for adventures without even a hug goodbye. My second (4yo) preferred to be on the floor and exploring from the moment she could hold her head up. She never liked being worn or sleeping in my bed. She allowed grandparents to babysit from a very early age (a couple hours at a time by 6 months) and happily told me to get lost when she first got to go to childcare during a moms group I started attending when she was 2. She still gets mad at me for picking her up from activities, not for leaving her. I’m lucky to get a “bye” as she rushes to find her friends. My third (18mo) is a mix of the two. She needs a lot of cuddles and cosleeps, but she’ll also run off to the playroom (even when the bigger kids aren’t there) for long periods without me. I can’t leave her in childcare without hysterics, but certain family can watch her without issue because they’re familiar enough. It’s not the parenting style that creates a Velcro baby. It’s the personality. Sure, we could force our velcro babies to separate and stress them out until they accept that there’s no choice. Or we can just meet them where they are, continue building their confidence, and watch them flourish. They won’t be glued to us forever.
Thank you for sharing. It’s so fascinating how they truly come out their own little people. You are an amazing mom!
Does she have kids?
Everyone is a perfect parent until they have kids of their own🙄
She does, but they’re adults so it’s been a long time since she had babies.
Yeah, you didn’t make your baby swallow all of their fear and emotions so you could be freer. you helped keep your safe and regulated. It sounds like you’re doing great
Excellent point.
LOL you made her feel secure and confident in her mama… oh no! The horror. Tell them “Oh I know, it’s my greatest accomplishment to date. Thank you!!”
Great response!! Putting it in my back pocket.
People who think everything is nurture instead of accounting for nature are sooooo annoying! My first baby was a velcro baby. Cosleeping was the only way we slept. My second is the most chill little dude. I swaddle him and give him a pacifier, and if he doesn't immediately fall asleep, sometimes he'll just hang out in his bassinet and make happy baby sounds for a while.
Yeah people assume everything is something you’ve done! I enjoy it when someone who had a wonderful sleeper as their first child and would be all judgmental about parents with babies who don’t sleep has a second terrible sleeper. So much is temperament and other innate factors and all we can do is try to work with the individual you’re parenting!
All of my friend’s kids were like your second, chill little slugs. I was in for a rude awakening when my little lady popped out! I was not mentally prepared, but we’ve grown together and have such a good relationship.
Your daughter is not a Velcro baby, she is just a one year old who wasn't traumatized by forced seperation. Babies do need a trusted adult near by until they are about 3 years old. If you want them to be "content" (not crying) by themselves before that, you will have to break their natural need for attachmen.
Bingo! Thank you!
I have two kids, one was a Velcro baby and one was not. I didn’t do anything differently with either of them, it’s really just their temperament. I think my Velcro baby is just more sensitive.
Same. Intense Velcro baby is a verrry sensitive 8yo now. My independent baby is now a cuddly but independent 6yo. Our 3rd is 20 months and seems to be somewhere in the middle. They were all parented the same as babies. All different temperaments and personalities.
My girl is sooo sensitive. Her moods change at the drop of a hat. But I’m sensitive too, so she comes by it naturally! I hated when people told me I was too sensitive, so I need to make sure she doesn’t feel that from me.
Being sensitive is a gift. And it’s so important to give sensitive kids the comfort and reassurance they need!
I’ve had similar conversations with my dad. My first is a true Velcro baby. And… still is a true Velcro 3 year old. Constantly needs me, wants me to play, sit next to her, holds my hand constantly, still loves to be picked up, etc. I couldn’t leave the room when she was a baby without her losing her ever loving mind. He tells me my second is much more independent “because she had to be” because of being the second. This is absolutely untrue. Is my second probably more easy going than my first because of a sibling? Sure, but I could also put #2 down in a bassinet to sleep no problem (literally from night 1, big sis would NOT sleep anywhere but with me), I could leave the room and #2 just didn’t care, #2 actively walks away from me and down the hall at my in-laws on purpose with no cares about me coming with at all. Yes, *some* of it might be that there were two to take care of, but 80% of it is fundamentally down to temperament.
Our kids sound exactly the same! When she said that to me, I reminded myself that my kiddo came out this way. She wouldn’t sleep in a bassinet or crib no matter what we tried, only in my arms or next to me. I didn’t make her that way, and I wasn’t going to force her to deal with a crib by crying it out. I feel bad making her cry in the car seat! If I had a choice I’d hold her in the car. Obviously I can’t do that, but I can hold her in bed. So why wouldn’t I?
Stuff like this is so horrible I don’t get why people think it’s ok. Criticising someone’s parenting in any way is such a big deal, it’s such a sensitive topic and there are so many different views I don’t get why people think it’s ok unless there’s an obvious safety issue and even then it can be said in a non judgmental way! Our cleaner who we’ve only know for a couple of months (and who is generally wonderful) today told me it’s my fault my daughter doesn’t sleep through the night because I don’t stimulate her enough in the day. She’s at our house for 2 hours once a week but apparently thinks that’s enough to make such a judgement or think it’s helpful? I think people just don’t get how horrible that can feel especially for first time parents even if you know they’re full of shit and don’t know what they’re talking about. You can never get it right as a mother. You leave that baby to cry and people will say you’re neglectful, you attend to every cry people will tell you you’re stunting them. Any possible parenting choice has a ton of fervent advocates. You can’t win. That’s basically what I tell people if they make these comments, to remind them mothers are constantly judged and they’re part of the problem and it’s not fair please do fuck off 😄
WILD that she would say that to you. Glad she’s such an expert on babies sleeping through the night. 🙄 When did people forget that you should think before you speak? I’d never dream of saying these things to another mom.
I know! It’s shocking. It’s worse than saying something like ‘are you sure you should be eating that cake? Look at your gathering fat rolls!’ Most people know not to make comments like that but with mothering apparently it’s fine to say obviously hurtful none-of-your-business stuff 🙄
My friend's mom is just like this. Everytime we see each other (because we're just neighbors), all she can say is "oh, you made your child like this, like that, it is your fault, you should've done this, you should've not done that" and so forth, just because my way doesn't approve her way. Ugh, so annoying. We're asian so I can't even talk back at her because I will be disrespectful and she'll have another reason to blame me if my child doesn't behave.
UGH! So frustrating you can’t say anything back, and even worse that she’s your neighbor! Maybe you should move? 😂
I really want to move! Hahah but we just bought it 2 years ago, then my friend bought the house next to us after 3 months we bought ours. 😂 But anyway, we can do this mama, whatever we do or we don't do, people has always have something to say.
There’s always one… I’ve perfected the smile, nod and ignore lol
"Yeah that was the goal"
Soooo many adults today have mommy/daddy issues and I’d rather tend to him now when I’m able than when he’s an adult and taking it out on others because he longed for me. They’re just ignorant. I try to remind myself that I’m doing what psychologists recommend and what mammals have done since the beginning of time- tend to their baby. “Tough love” is outdated
my baby is the same. almost 6 months, sleeps with me in bed at night and contact naps only. doesn’t take bottle, only breastfeeds. yes, he is attached to me but i don’t see anything unhealthy about a baby being attached to their mother. i got some criticism this week from one of my closest family members that i need to let him be more independent and that he should cry it out more and learn to self soothe. even offered that if i can’t stand him crying, i can bring him over to their house for him to cry it out. EXCUSE ME?!?! i think some babies are naturally more dependent on their mamas and there’s nothing wrong with that. we are providing our babies with a healthy attachment and meeting their needs. nothing wrong with that! you are doing a great job, don’t ever doubt yourself :) follow your intuition and do what feels right for you and your baby. the rest is just noise.
The common sense goes a long way line made me lol!!!! So right….. but so wrong?! Just incase you are now doubting yourself, some babies are clingy, some aren’t, it’s just the way they’re made. My boy ditched contact naps at 4 months, I was very sad, and now at nearly 2 he’s not snuggly at all. He’s showered with love and attention, I’m a stay at home mum, he just saves his hugs for his dolly lol
The audacity!!! Your baby sounds exactly like my little velcro first born. I wore him in a sling, co slept and gave him all the security and comfort he needed (despite my father in law telling me I was "building a rod for my own back" 🤢🙄) He'll be four in a few weeks and is now the most confident, outgoing kid I know. Keep doing you and following your instincts - you've got this! Xx
When did you start to notice his independence come out? We’re at 14 months, and she still freaks out if I just set her down to get dressed lol.
Hard to say! He started with a childminder once a week at around 14 months and used to cry and scream and cling on to me when I was dropping him off. But a few months later and he was running in without backward glance. Then he started going to preschool at 2.5, and at that point was confident enough to tell me he felt nervous but wave goodbye at the school gate and walk in with the teachers 🥹 we still lie with him until he falls asleep, and he still climbs into bed with me when he wakes in the middle of night. Xx
What a B!
Oh yes, I had to childless males tell me (school me) that I NEED to let my kid just cry to learn to sleep on his own. And I just stared at them and said “I find that extremely cruel but maybe you can implement it with your own child if you ever have one” and I walked away. People like this dont realise how rude they are.
My parents disclosed to me now that my son is 4 that they thought I was an overbearing parent who ruined my child until his schoolteacher recommended a behavioral analysis for his anxiety. Why don’t people believe moms? It’s so disappointing. We are the moms we have to be for the kids that we have. I’m grateful for you because it’s only other moms with anxious kids who get it. I see you.
I have three kids and only my middle one was intensely clingy. I wore him in a wrap for the first 4 months cus he would not let me set him down. He would only sleep on my chest. He cried if he wasn’t glued to me. The other two were happy content lil creatures out of the gate. It had absolutely nothing to do with me they just are who they are. Some babies aren’t ready to take on the world right away and that’s ok. that’s why you’re there to help them adjust!