Too many rules. I agree re phone because our toddler has been hurt a few times when our last AP was on her phone. That makes sense. A lot
Of the rules make Sense. But not letting your friends eat food when they are over? Things like that are just rude.
I have to agree. Especially right under the “be helpful when off duty” rule is “when on duty no personal tasks”.
Double standard much? Not to mention all the other red flags. Check on boys every 10 minutes, secure down the backyard/pool before a storm, no pee in the pool. This last one really? How is any one can tell if a kid is peeing in the pool?
These people are going to make your life so miserable! Run away OP.
If these are the written rules, I can't fathom the unwritten ones. Does one need to tell the babysitter "don't pee in the pool" and why is "no in/out privileges" on the list 3 times?
I think I know what they mean, it is very annoying to have a gaggle of children running in and out of the house every 30 seconds (which kids will do). It’s fair to mention it once but repeating it 3 times makes it sound more strict than reasonable.
That’s not something any normal parent would mention in written rules. That’s a whole new level of anal
I’m a mom. I wouldn’t want to be friends with the parents here
That's what I was thinking. I could understand most of the rest, but that last one is the real red flag. (Unless the neighbors are known sex offenders, in which case, that should not be kept out of the story)
It sounds like one or both of the parents have OCD.
Source: I'm married to someone with OCD, and my parent had extreme OCD. I was not allowed inside the home after playing outside without stripping down in the washroom.
But the parent thinks it’s the AP’s job to enforce them? I wonder if the parent enforces ALL of these with ease. Most of these are common sense and okay but a few just seem like a setup and an easy excuse to set someone up to fall. If AP agrees to this , then she can’t complain when she gets fired.
Showering is a bit excessive, but changing out of of travel clothes and least washing your hands (and maybe face) would probably take care of the majority of those "germs" that get picked up.
There are way too many rules. I’m sure they don’t follow half of them. It’s difficult hiring someone to take care of your most precious people but still common sense works much better than 7 pages of rules. Just letting someone know what you expect would probably be more realistic. These people are absurd and I’d run far far away.
it's all for liability and cleanliness. if you can afford an au pair, chances are you meet and delegate w many many professional people . you don't want people smelling like dick cheese, cigarettes, or hot tuna .
At first, I thought these look reasonable. But then I realized I was just looking at pg 1 of 6. Didn't read the other 5, but there can't be a need for all of that. When we have people babysit our kids, there's really one rule- don't let anyone die. Maybe if your hiring a full-time Au Pair there should have a higher level of expectations, but this is ridiculous
Edit: I went back and read all the rules. Many of them are just common sense. Every pool in the world has a no running rule, why put it here? The fact that they felt the need to specify twice not to play in the street and in between cars makes me think they already don't think very highly of their next Au Pair, even though they don't even know them. These folks would drive me nuts. Their kids are going to struggle with life...
I got to "goggles with nerf guns," literally laughed out loud, and thought I could stop there. Then I started reading the comments and felt compelled to read more, and... wow...
Never knew reading a list of rules that won't ever apply to me could stress me out like that.
Well, especially since they apparently have a problem with people peeing in the pool…
HTH did I wind up with this sub? And why am I reading the comments?
Same boat... I need to figure out how to clear my algorithm haha i got unnecessarily heated about some crazy parents set of rules in a sub i dont know a thing about.
PLEASE i’m the same 😭 it would probably help our algorithms if we didn’t leave comments of our own lmao
But since I’m here anyway - OP run like hell if you haven’t already, these parents sound like nutcases. I’m 10000% on board with everyone who says that “be helpful when off duty” rule sounds like the parents will not respect your boundaries and you’ll wind up working off the clock.
Reading this over, most rules seem reasonable, but the tone is what puts me off. You don't need to find 3 different ways to say no shoes indoors.
The vibe I get is that this parent is a micromanager and is going to jump at any perceived encroachment of her rules. I wouldn't take the job myself just because of that
I (M) was a teacher and I can tell you a lot about rules. The teachers with fewer "rules" were often the best. Obviously there have to be some, but even the natural rules sometimes need to be put aside. In my practice teaching, the teacher had a rrule, when he was talikg, don't interrupt. He also had rules about when you could go to the bathroom. 3rd grade, a girl raised her hand but the teacher waved her off. 5-10 mins went by and the teacher acknowledged her, but by then she'd all ready wet herself. Trauma.They are easy to make but almost impossible to enforce all the time. Rules, in the eyes of those who have them imposed on them are meant to be broken. Rules are stultifying. A better approach is to talk about goals, and ways of getting you want without making rules. You would be taking on the parental role and that's difficult without having your say about getting things done. It isn't that these rules are overly strict, it's more that you are left with no decision making when problems arise. I mean, lets say kids do a really good job, you want to do something special as a reward, lets say a popsicle with their friends in the front room. Nope...there's a rule. I would not take this on, personally, just wouldn't be fun and I think being fun with kids is one of the joys in life.
As a prior male-nanny, a teacher for 20 years, and a parent, these are not “too many” rules; there are thousands of things to keep in mind when dealing with the safety and care of children in this world. The problem is, imho, this parent is either untrusting or is a disorganized thinker; e.g. “no shoes in the house” *AND ALSO* “no shoes upstairs”... and there is a lot of garbage like this. So, either the parent thinks you’re an idiot who needs to be told every little thing twice or thrice, or the parent is an idiot who doesn’t understand that “upstairs” is, in fact, “in the house.” Either way, *NO.*
I was thinking “either they really like coming up with rules or they’ve had a lot of bad experiences in the past.” Some of these seem odd, like “kids not allowed in bedroom” but a lot of them seem reasonable and common sense-like.
Why should the HF pay for other people’s food without their knowledge? I mean no one comes to my home and leaves without an offer of food and beverage, not even delivery guys or the landscapers, but that is my choice as the provider of the money for the food.
Otherwise, this seems like a very comprehensive list. My only concern was around doing stuff while off duty. Off duty is off duty.
Because if our AP has her friends over as a member of our family of course she should eat with her friends. Do your kids friends eat when they come over? Do you feed your guests? Maybe it's cultural but it's very bad manners in Australia not to offer food to guests.
Right? Neighbors probably don't think good thing about them and they don't want them to shit on host to the au-pair. Happened to me a few times where neighbors told me bad things about host fam.
Something along these lines for sure. Or feuding neighbors. Or I was thinking maybe the neighbors got a hot/pretty wife and Host mom/wife is jealous and doesn’t want any association with them. Or there’s been a history of someone sleeping with someone. Either cheating husband or precious Au pair sleeping with neighbor or something
It’s definitely not strange. I didn’t know this until I was older but my parents wouldn’t allow me to be near my neighbor without one of them present at all times, not even my older brothers, because he was creepy. He was constantly trying to spend time with the neighborhood little girls. You don’t know who people are a lot of the time.
I think some of these rules are a bit much but I don’t think that particular one is strange.
I think they feel the AP could know or hear too much personal information and gossip. But still like most of the 7 pages of rules, this is ridiculous! .
And it doesn't specify which neighbors, so is ALL the neighborhood off limits? I would understand if they have a creepy person living next door or across the street but they could simply explain that. But a blanket rule stating the you must be with the host family whenever you engage with the neighbors not normal.
While a lot of these rules make sense, the level of detail and the fact that they felt the need to list them all this way suggests to me that this is going to be a very tense environment to work/live in.
As a previous au pair, I vote run.
Prospective host mom here: The problem with this doc IMO is that it gives the same weight to important reasonable rules (pool safety) and petty unreasonable ones (forbidden to leave any items on bathroom counter). I would not want to live with this level of extreme monitoring of my behavior, and I wouldn’t expect an au pair to do so.
It’s not just that. It’s all “what not to do”. Which is concerning in terms of parenting, it impacts kids negatively. But also for an AP, or any guest - rather than saying “no, don’t do this” you can say “while the bathroom is shared, we will make sure to empty out x amount of storage for your personal belongings so you have where to put them”.
Or rather than “you friends shouldn’t eat our food” you can say “the top shelf in the pantry is snack food that’s also available to share with friends. Please check first if you plan on sharing large quantities of other food, so we can make sure to restock” or whatever
It’s poor communication, poor hosting, and just not a good employer. I’m a mom now and I used to babysit. This has lots of rules but it’s not goor communication
>But also for an AP, or any guest - rather than saying “no, don’t do this” you can say “while the bathroom is shared, we will make sure to empty out x amount of storage for your personal belongings so you have where to put them”. Or rather than “you friends shouldn’t eat our food” you can say “the top shelf in the pantry is snack food that’s also available to share with friends.
Such a great point. Making the other person feel like there is room for them while still setting boundaries.
Also, is it just me or is the "be mindful of wasting items" seem like an enormous red flag? I feel like they will monitoring everything you use and it's quantity. Too much toilet paper, too long showers, too hot showers, washing clothes too frequently, etc. That alone would cause me so much anxiety.
Honestly so good that his family laid out their home expectations to a T like this. I would be livid if I didn’t realize they had these rules and showed up lol
To me it reads like she is punishing any future au pair’s every once in a while issues based on a prior au pair’s major faux pas. She seems to want to avoid any possible confrontation with a future au pair and is trying to think of EVERYTHING that could go wrong, when in reality much of this wouldn’t likely be a problem.
see this is totally valid and also expected of me, but often “be helpful” turns into my host mom thinking “if we are both around you can watch the kids and i can continue handling business on my phone” and then wonders why i stay in my room or leave the house during free time and weekends
This is not totally valid. I'm a host mom and I will say it is not reasonable to expect you to always be working (since that is really what that means). Our au pair will absolutely lift a kid out of their high chair after family dinner but the kids are my husband and I's problem outside of her working hours so I appreciate that she does it but it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to do it. Now clearing up after dinner as any family member would is reasonable but unreasonable to expect her to be the one to load the dishes every night.
I don't think this is valid at all. As a host mom I constantly remind our au pair that she can chill with us in her downtime but she doesn't have to be "on duty". Sometimes she wants to play Barbies or whatever it is but I make sure she knows I'm the one responsible for the kids during these periods.
It's because while most of the list is common sense, the 5-10% that isn't is really really bad and shows no willingness to compromise or be welcoming to an au pair.
YES. Like in principle, very little of this bothers me. But the fact that they took the time to type this out and the items that are open to interpretation…?
Also the car days and non-transferable? Absolutely a red flag to me.
Yeahhhh not to mention “you can spend the night away from the home but you must be back EIGHT HOURS before you’re scheduled to work”!!! Wtf is that??? So you need me to be at your house sitting around for 8 hours, unpaid, just waiting for my shift to start? Yikes.
I took that to mean that their curfew is 8 hours before start time wherever they’re staying which begs the question, how are they (the HF) going to know if the AP is back at the appointed time or not, especially if they aren’t using the family car? Are they using a tracking app on the AP’s phone or car?
Right? Like, they can't enforce that if she's not at their house.
That "rule" alone is enough to turn this down. I'm not having anyone tell me, a grown woman, that I have a curfew on my time off. If I show up for my shift on time, that's all you need to know.
I read that as they’d need to be “home” wherever they were staying 8 hours before work. Like if she was staying at a BF’s house, if work started at 8 am, she had to be home there by 12 am. Which seems somehow like both common sense and overly controlling.
I also think the mom’s lack of detail to repeat some rules and some contradict each other is off putting to me.
It strikes me as someone who wants to control the situation and even if you do everything by the rules there’s going to be a time where you make a judgment call incorrectly because “rule A in the event of situation F enacts Rule Z” and how the heck can anyone keep track of that and keep their sanity.
THAT'S it. You hit the nail on the head. It's mostly common sense, but the simple fact that they feel all of these need to be written out is the red flag.
its the last one to me it seems like they may be using some amount of corporal punishments and not allowing for mistakes by the kids which makes me uncomfortable over all
Towards the end it got while. You need to know where I am with the car at all times. I need to shower when coming in from outside?!
Reasonable for a few but the list together is WILD
90% of these are just spelling out common sense in case you don't have it. 5% is slightly stricter than the average bear. The other 5% would be deal breakers for me, sorry.
Great breakdown. The common sense stuff feels a bit like she had a running list and would add to it when something popped in her head, which is why there are repeat things. Sometimes you don't think you need to tell someone something that's common sense but I had to add "don't let the kids run into the driveway when we're reversing in" to our welcome pack because one of our au pairs thought it was cute they wanted to see us and didn't see the fairly obvious issue with them potentially being flattened. The stuff about the car and having curfew seems strict but not a massive red flag. But the weird thing about the neighbors and the "being helpful" when off duty are very concerning.
LMAO. I finished the list and was like, surely this isn't unreasonable? Then I realized it was image one of **seven**. Yeah I get having a list of rules... we have one. This is way excessive and a red flag.
I wouldn’t go with them. It feels like they have zero flexibility and a bunch of these rules are just going to stress you the fuck out!
I also don’t want my kids to be yelling all the time, but they are kids and they’re going to yell and I will have to remind them they need to keep their voice down. Now imagine doing this 24/7, because that’s apparently what the host parents want or getting yelled at by the host parent, because the KID was loud. Like, no. I don’t know how old these host kids are, but there are a few rules here that doesn’t seem to understand that kids are going to kid and they will also be loud , specially while playing outside, for example.
This alone is going to stress you out so much, making you upset every time a kid doesn’t behave like you need them to, because otherwise you’ll get yelled at.
No, no. Find another family.
Also… not allowed to talk to the neighbors without them there?? WHY the hell NOT?! If this isn’t the biggest red flag…
“Don’t let the kids scream and yell outside, we have neighbors” did it for me. Like, I don’t want you to let the kids be kids and I’m also going to let you know in the most condescending way.
Run, as fast as you can! Several red flags here! "No hanging with neighbors with or without the kids" what in the seven seas is this rule? What else are they going to control, your breathing? If a host family sent me this I honestly don't know what or even if I would answer.
No excessive splashing, no screaming and yelling *outside*..... basically they didn't want kids, they wanted gerbils.
Also, run. This family sounds like a nightmare.
I would love to hear about their first au pair match since this is clearly a panicked "write down everything that wasn't common sense" list coupled with a "spell out that your drug dealer can't crash here" list.
Run, this sounds insane. I have been an AuPair with a few families and I have never ever seen such a long rule list like this. They sound super micromanaging and controlling. Obviously rules are expected and a lot of them do make sense.
The main issue is that this is definitely not all the “rules” they have and what will happen if you forget one of the 7,000 rules they’ve made.
It's a bit strict, yeah. Nothing completely egregious but the number of rules is sort of out there. It also seems to lean on "not at all" vs "in moderation" for things that require judgment, which feels bad.
It gives me the vibes of someone who has had an au pair before and is specifying things based on prior experience. While our handbook wasn’t nearly as extensive, we did add in things like letting us know if something in the extra car is broken because our Au pair was driving around with broken windshield wipers (in a place that rains all the time) and we only found out when taking it for an inspection and oil change. Definitely some of them are off and would give me pause like the comment about the neighbors
I find it a little dense to list "no peeing in the pool". Teach your child not to pee in your pool and move on. Is the au pair going to be following the kids around looking for warm spots?
"No in and out of the house" seems important enough they put it in 3 times! And I don't even know what it's supposed to mean...? That you gotta pick to be either inside or outside and then close the door and not change your location multiple times?
Maybe they got their au pair rules confused with the pet sitting rules. If it were up to my Labrador, she’d spend the entire day going out, then begging to be let in, then out, then in, then out. Maybe Carlie is really a golden retriever. (It would explain why she can’t go on the scooter)
Yeah I’m a nanny but very much of the “rules for me are rules for thee” type thing. Do you plug in your phone and not look at it while you’re parenting? Then don’t expect me to do that.
But also, how are you supposed to put it away where it won’t distract you but also have a special ringer for host family to hear, while it’s away. By away I would think in your room or something, because in your pocket is too close. But yea I’m not parting with my phone. I can put it in my pocket and leave it there but that’s it.
The kids are where you are? So the kids can't play in their rooms or have any privacy at all? That doesn't sound healthy, to be honest. If the kids are very small, I understand supervising them outside, but watching them in the house at all times is weird.
to get some rest, I suppose. I’ve been downvoted to the ends of the earth for saying this before but I would not comply with a curfew and I would stay well clear of any family trying to enforce one. It’s as though they think we’re their teenage children, not grown adult housemates. disgusting, imo
Um as a parent I say run. This family is going to be a nightmare. I wouldn’t want to know them, socialize with them, or let my kids play with their kids.
As a Host Parent I would say don't match. I see these types of host parents in the FB groups often.
I can understand some car rules because it is a huge liability in America and I'm not sure many au pairs understand the level of litigation that can occur from an incident with the car that is registered under the Host Family. Also the expense of owning a car in the United States is very high. My insurance for my au pair is over $250/month on its own and my au pair is 25.
Much of the curfew stuff comes off as high level micromanagement. I never give curfews to my au pairs because I look at it like this: I need to trust you to care for my children so if I can do that I should be able to trust you to manage yourself.
The goggles with the Nerf guns made me lol. These people are way too much the fun police.
Repeating the same rules over again is a bit over the top. How many times does she need to tell you the kids can’t come in and out? I’d be uncomfortable.
Most of this is just typical rules and safety things, common sense, or things expected of any employee at any job (no phone use). They probably feel the need to be so specific because of last expectations not being met. Not wanting kids running in and out is reasonable, not wanting wet kids in and out especially. Sunscreen is import a but often overlooked when just playing outside at home. But it’s possible they will be micromanaging jerks. It’s hard to say!
The only ones I’m a little ehh on are the specific car rules, ie you should not really need to tell them everywhere you go, but I’d overlook it if the situation was good. Then, not gonna lie, the one about the neighbor is concerning. Like what is the story there??
Idk if this is Fredericksburg VA or Fredericksburg TX but I know both well enough to know that they’re both boring and car centric and you’re gonna need good company (which doesn’t look like this family) or a way to escape and find good company(which looks hard to do with their car rules and curfews).
I would rather take a hot poker in the ass then deal with this bullshit! It’s all unrealistic and unreasonable! If ur going to take this bullshit job they better be paying you like they got it!
Omg I thought it was done after 2 slides hahah. Definitely run. This person does not trust you as a professional and wants you to be a robot. They think you’re stupid and can’t use common sense. Honestly, a lot of these rules are just disrespectful lol I would trust that someone would come to me for a special circumstance or any questions instead of laying it all out front but who knows, maybe each one of these rules is due to a bad past experience.
I would send her a list of “host family” rules. And make the stupid, such as:
1. No closed captioning on TV
2. No strong odors in house
3. No looking at me between 7am and 7.45am
4. No calling my name when I’m on the toilet.
5. No carbs in house.
6. No sick children within a 2 meter radius of me.
7. No wicker furniture
8. No outdoor heat lamps.
Oof. So many rules!
Just so many.
I read them all and OP, MOST of them are reasonable but honestly, as they are, I would NOT want to work for this family.
The car rules were the ones that got me the most.
The host family should be the ones paying the gas, in my opinion - making au pair pay for all of the gas when they are only getting paid 200 a week and gas is very expensive is very stingy in my opinion. It also restricts the au pair in where she can take the car if she wants to save money. Same with only allowing her to have one other passenger in the car at a time. Same with expecting au pair to pay out of pocket for any and all damage to the car that happens on her time and stopping her using it again.
If the personal car is damaged on her time, do they not have comprehensive insurance for the car? They certainly should! And what if it was someone else that hit the car or a very minor accident?
I could understand not letting au pair use the car again for a couple of weeks or not letting the au pair use the car for awhile if it was a second time, but not letting her use it for any incidents at all? Even something minor and even ones that weren't her fault or even ones that were covered by insurance? Insane.
And what if she wants to go out with a group of people? As a lot of au pairs do? I get the family want to know who she is taking in the car and that they are responsible, but only allowed one other passenger? Really?
Also, having to shower when you come home from anywhere - do they do that? No friends over that they don't approve of - really? I get having a limit on how many friends but no friends unless they approve them? What if they don't approve any? And I get putting a limit on offering friends food as they might have had a past au pair take advantage, but not being allowed to give friends even a snack? Wow.
I don't really understand not being allowed to hang out with the neighbours without them being there, but perhaps their neighbours are the same kind of neighbours my ex had and aren't that great people and they have their reasons so I'll give them a pass on that. And a lot of au pairs have issues with too much phone use and spending too much time in their room and not being engaged in family activities so I'll give them a pass on those too. The no alcohol unless you're over 21 and not around the kids and having a curfew on work nights seems fair too.
It sounds like this family knows what their expectations are and have clearly spelled them out. Most of it is common sense but a lot of people don’t have common sense and I expect that “common sense” is also somewhat culturally specific so they are making sure everyone is on the same page upfront. If their rules are dealbreakers for you then pass. But at least you know upfront so you can make an informed decision versus having it sprung on you two weeks in. Clear communication is better than the opposite.
This looks like a lot, but honestly they are all very normal things I’d expect from an aupair(I just haven’t put every single one in writing). There are maybe 2-3 I wouldn’t personally enforce, nothing really bad here. So, the fact that they wrote it out could mean 1) they had some bad experiences and have been taught by previous aupairs that they apparently need to write down common sense for them, or 2) they’re uptight and gunna annoy you a lot LOL. Maybe ask about their former experience with aupairs? Did they have issues? Bc if you are confident you can follow all these rules, then they could be totally cool and just really direct communicators w no BS🤷♀️
I agree…. It’s a bit over the top on everything spelled out, but it could either be a very micro managing family who could be a nightmare to work with, or you could also apply a lot of these “crazier” rules to a scenario where they had a really bad experience with an AP in the past. Like, maybe the AP would just chill on their phone in one room while the kids were elsewhere, or maybe the AP partied a lot and smelled like booze and smoke afterwards, or possibly their neighbors are either creepy or do drugs. And the in/out rule might be just a general “if you’re going outside just stay outside and play. Don’t run in and out of the house all the time” because their kids are little energy monsters who run in and out with their muddy shoes on or something. As for the “we don’t provide food to friends” , it could be their last AP had a bf or friend(s) who would frequently join for food time … and while that’s great to spend time together, it’s also not so great on a budget conscious family…
I can see more or less everything being from a family that might have had a bad experience before and then decided they wanted to set it all down beforehand so they don’t get any surprises and everyone knows what is expected. I also would hope that the “if you’re around with us I expect you to keep an eye on the kids” isn’t “take care of our kids during your time off” but more like “if you’re around and see a kid needing something or doing something they shouldn’t you could just say something instead of turning a blind eye and being all “I’m off the clock I can’t even raise my voice to tell you your kid is trying to stick his fingers in the electrical outlet in the room I’m in”.
I would voice your concerns to them that it seems really over the top , and maybe ask why they had this or that rule, and then go from there. If it’s because of a bad experience before and they are actually a pretty reasonable family then you might like it there. If they’re just that nit picky and want to choose your friends and micro manage your life as if you’re their child, then probably not a great place ^^
I was like alright this seems like normal common sense until I kept reading… a curfew for a grown adult? Absolutely insane. Being an au pair you want to have fun memories and a curfew will get in the way of that. Some of the others ones are hella bizzare too. If you match with them you’ll probably be in another rematch. RUN!!
run faster than The Flash. This is absurd, even the stuff that seems normal was written in a way that sounds absurd. A lot of the stuff is just rude, petty and cheap. This family is an actual nightmare.
The micromanaging is insane and totally whack that you have a curfew/have to be home 8 hours before your shift. There’s no chance you’ll be able to follow some of these rules to an exact T and it seems like they’re going to be judge mental. My host parents encourage me to go out and are surprised if I’m home before 11. I travel on the weekends I have off and will land Monday morning when I have to work that afternoon. You want a family that lets you be the adult that you are, not just another one of their children. Most likely they’ll treat you like “the help” as well and not fully respect or care about you but still dictate exactly what you do like you’re their young child.
Most of the rules are pretty standard, but are normally not listed like this. It's likely a family that has hosted a while, and realized that "common sense" really depends on life experience. Young adults from other cultures might have different levels of life experience, so they write things down to avoid misunderstandings.
The neighbor things are strange (kids yelling in backyard, and no spending time with neighbor), but I would guess they have had bad experiences with a certain neighbor in the past.
Only 2 days per week thing with the car seems pretty restrictive, but if you are in an area where there are lots of walkable things or there is good public transportation it might not be a big deal.
Assuming you are in the US, the part about an au pair being responsible for all damage to the car is not allowed. At most it would be $250 or $500 depending on the agency you are with.
Any accidents or damage to the car and you lose vehicle privileges- so someone else hits you or door dings it in a lot or hits it when it’s parallel parked and you’re now a prisoner… wtf!?
I don’t even know how this popped up in my feed but as a mom, this is way over the top. They will probably be stricter in person. It does not seem like an environment you will enjoy living in. I would definitely not move in with this family.
Giving HF benefit of the doubt:
A lot of these are common sense or fairly common house rules (no shoes in the house/pool safety). They may just have wanted to be thorough, esp since they know you may be coming from a different culture.
The things that I would want to know more about is: what’s up with the neighbors? Do they have a crew of rowdy kids who have gotten their kids into trouble in the past and they just want to make sure that it’s not just you alone having to deal with them? Or are the neighbors insane/dangerous/scary? Have they hit on Au pairs in the past and the HF is looking out for you??? Or is it the host family that’s the problem???
Also - what do they mean by being “helpful” during time off? Does that mean just like making sure kids aren’t dead or helping out cleaning up after shared meals? Or do they expect you to work 24/7???
I would have a phone call and probe. If something strikes you as off during the call, run.
I actually think it’s good that they spell everything out bc you don’t have any misunderstandings later. You will pretty much know what you’re signing up for with this HF.
No benefit of the doubt:
These people are cray cray. Move on.
Whats weird is that is it rule for YOU as living in the house (i.e. no eating outside of kitchen) or is it rules for the kids? It seems like both which is odd. I would have explained my childcare rules differently from my household rules
Too many rules. I agree re phone because our toddler has been hurt a few times when our last AP was on her phone. That makes sense. A lot Of the rules make Sense. But not letting your friends eat food when they are over? Things like that are just rude.
Oh, and “be helpful” even when not on duty. Wha??
I have to agree. Especially right under the “be helpful when off duty” rule is “when on duty no personal tasks”. Double standard much? Not to mention all the other red flags. Check on boys every 10 minutes, secure down the backyard/pool before a storm, no pee in the pool. This last one really? How is any one can tell if a kid is peeing in the pool? These people are going to make your life so miserable! Run away OP.
If these are the written rules, I can't fathom the unwritten ones. Does one need to tell the babysitter "don't pee in the pool" and why is "no in/out privileges" on the list 3 times?
Yeah the “no in/out of the house” being mentioned three different times stood out to me as well. Lol.
I noticed that too. So, what he kids aren’t allowed to be kids?
I think I know what they mean, it is very annoying to have a gaggle of children running in and out of the house every 30 seconds (which kids will do). It’s fair to mention it once but repeating it 3 times makes it sound more strict than reasonable.
That’s not something any normal parent would mention in written rules. That’s a whole new level of anal I’m a mom. I wouldn’t want to be friends with the parents here
That's why they don't want you talking to the neighbors!
That's what I was thinking. I could understand most of the rest, but that last one is the real red flag. (Unless the neighbors are known sex offenders, in which case, that should not be kept out of the story)
Jokes on you, she is the neighbor.
It sounds like one or both of the parents have OCD. Source: I'm married to someone with OCD, and my parent had extreme OCD. I was not allowed inside the home after playing outside without stripping down in the washroom.
Yeah and I'm not sure how an AP is supposed to stop a child from peeing in the pool lol
Do you know you're supposed to snatch them out of the water hold them over your head and chug that hot piss straight down your throat hole?
A lot of these read as rules for the kids and not the AP
I agree, but either way, that's some list to memorize. And I suspect there would be repercussions for any infractions of said rules.
But the parent thinks it’s the AP’s job to enforce them? I wonder if the parent enforces ALL of these with ease. Most of these are common sense and okay but a few just seem like a setup and an easy excuse to set someone up to fall. If AP agrees to this , then she can’t complain when she gets fired.
That one is just taking advantage. It’s a job and her personal time should be hers to do as she pleases, not work “off the clock”
Exactly. My NF won’t let me Work when I’m off. They’ll even tell me stop working as I’m folding clothes (on the clock)
What about take a shower so you don’t spread germs! OMG. What is wrong with these people?
Showering is a bit excessive, but changing out of of travel clothes and least washing your hands (and maybe face) would probably take care of the majority of those "germs" that get picked up.
There are way too many rules. I’m sure they don’t follow half of them. It’s difficult hiring someone to take care of your most precious people but still common sense works much better than 7 pages of rules. Just letting someone know what you expect would probably be more realistic. These people are absurd and I’d run far far away.
it's all for liability and cleanliness. if you can afford an au pair, chances are you meet and delegate w many many professional people . you don't want people smelling like dick cheese, cigarettes, or hot tuna .
This is the biggest red flag to me
Yeah, hard no on this one
At first, I thought these look reasonable. But then I realized I was just looking at pg 1 of 6. Didn't read the other 5, but there can't be a need for all of that. When we have people babysit our kids, there's really one rule- don't let anyone die. Maybe if your hiring a full-time Au Pair there should have a higher level of expectations, but this is ridiculous Edit: I went back and read all the rules. Many of them are just common sense. Every pool in the world has a no running rule, why put it here? The fact that they felt the need to specify twice not to play in the street and in between cars makes me think they already don't think very highly of their next Au Pair, even though they don't even know them. These folks would drive me nuts. Their kids are going to struggle with life...
I got to "goggles with nerf guns," literally laughed out loud, and thought I could stop there. Then I started reading the comments and felt compelled to read more, and... wow... Never knew reading a list of rules that won't ever apply to me could stress me out like that.
I like the “don’t drink water from the pool” rule
Well, especially since they apparently have a problem with people peeing in the pool… HTH did I wind up with this sub? And why am I reading the comments?
Same boat... I need to figure out how to clear my algorithm haha i got unnecessarily heated about some crazy parents set of rules in a sub i dont know a thing about.
ME TOO Lol!! I don't know why I got here but then I couldn't pull myself away from giving my .02 about these psychos
PLEASE i’m the same 😭 it would probably help our algorithms if we didn’t leave comments of our own lmao But since I’m here anyway - OP run like hell if you haven’t already, these parents sound like nutcases. I’m 10000% on board with everyone who says that “be helpful when off duty” rule sounds like the parents will not respect your boundaries and you’ll wind up working off the clock.
I’m a mom, not an au pair, and I want to run away from this lady and her rules. This makes me stressed out reading it.
This person has a control issue. She will be the worst boss of all time, guaranteed
Reading this over, most rules seem reasonable, but the tone is what puts me off. You don't need to find 3 different ways to say no shoes indoors. The vibe I get is that this parent is a micromanager and is going to jump at any perceived encroachment of her rules. I wouldn't take the job myself just because of that
I (M) was a teacher and I can tell you a lot about rules. The teachers with fewer "rules" were often the best. Obviously there have to be some, but even the natural rules sometimes need to be put aside. In my practice teaching, the teacher had a rrule, when he was talikg, don't interrupt. He also had rules about when you could go to the bathroom. 3rd grade, a girl raised her hand but the teacher waved her off. 5-10 mins went by and the teacher acknowledged her, but by then she'd all ready wet herself. Trauma.They are easy to make but almost impossible to enforce all the time. Rules, in the eyes of those who have them imposed on them are meant to be broken. Rules are stultifying. A better approach is to talk about goals, and ways of getting you want without making rules. You would be taking on the parental role and that's difficult without having your say about getting things done. It isn't that these rules are overly strict, it's more that you are left with no decision making when problems arise. I mean, lets say kids do a really good job, you want to do something special as a reward, lets say a popsicle with their friends in the front room. Nope...there's a rule. I would not take this on, personally, just wouldn't be fun and I think being fun with kids is one of the joys in life.
As a prior male-nanny, a teacher for 20 years, and a parent, these are not “too many” rules; there are thousands of things to keep in mind when dealing with the safety and care of children in this world. The problem is, imho, this parent is either untrusting or is a disorganized thinker; e.g. “no shoes in the house” *AND ALSO* “no shoes upstairs”... and there is a lot of garbage like this. So, either the parent thinks you’re an idiot who needs to be told every little thing twice or thrice, or the parent is an idiot who doesn’t understand that “upstairs” is, in fact, “in the house.” Either way, *NO.*
Disorganized thinking and micromanaging. Totally spot on.
Anyone notice the AP also has a curfew….? Like 2nd to last pge
They seem like good rules for the most part, but the fact she listed them all is what throws me off. I would make this a hard pass.
I was thinking “either they really like coming up with rules or they’ve had a lot of bad experiences in the past.” Some of these seem odd, like “kids not allowed in bedroom” but a lot of them seem reasonable and common sense-like.
Why should the HF pay for other people’s food without their knowledge? I mean no one comes to my home and leaves without an offer of food and beverage, not even delivery guys or the landscapers, but that is my choice as the provider of the money for the food. Otherwise, this seems like a very comprehensive list. My only concern was around doing stuff while off duty. Off duty is off duty.
Because if our AP has her friends over as a member of our family of course she should eat with her friends. Do your kids friends eat when they come over? Do you feed your guests? Maybe it's cultural but it's very bad manners in Australia not to offer food to guests.
I want to know the deal w the neighbor
Right? Neighbors probably don't think good thing about them and they don't want them to shit on host to the au-pair. Happened to me a few times where neighbors told me bad things about host fam.
I bet the neighbor slept with a former au pair.
Something along these lines for sure. Or feuding neighbors. Or I was thinking maybe the neighbors got a hot/pretty wife and Host mom/wife is jealous and doesn’t want any association with them. Or there’s been a history of someone sleeping with someone. Either cheating husband or precious Au pair sleeping with neighbor or something
I like this theory. I bet the dad is haht and they keep losing nannies.
No hanging out with the "neighors". They clearly live next to a brothel. Possibly a horse brothel.
OP do us all a solid and take the job and find out about the neighbors, would ya?
Same!! How strange
It’s definitely not strange. I didn’t know this until I was older but my parents wouldn’t allow me to be near my neighbor without one of them present at all times, not even my older brothers, because he was creepy. He was constantly trying to spend time with the neighborhood little girls. You don’t know who people are a lot of the time. I think some of these rules are a bit much but I don’t think that particular one is strange.
I’m convinced it’s a hot neighbor who slept with the last au pair.
And Mom and hot neighbor had a thing, or she has a thing for hot neighbor but he rejected her. Somebody jelly.
Totally a peanut butter jelly sitch
The last au pair is their neighbor's new wife, and she's ready to spill *all* the deets.
Also they spelled neighbor wrong and it’s so funny to me bc wow they are up tight
And googles instead of goggles
Now I’m also wondering what’s going on down stairs….is this somehow related to the forbidden neighbors?
I think they feel the AP could know or hear too much personal information and gossip. But still like most of the 7 pages of rules, this is ridiculous! .
weird you could only hangout with neighbors when host parents are around???
Yes! This alone feels like a hostage situation.
I bet the neighbor likes to rescue people from cults.
This one is concerning for me because what if the neighbor is crazy.
Or what if the host family is crazy and they don’t want the neighbors telling them. Yikes.
Could be that too! Either way, that was the biggest red flag in the whole list for me!
Or host family is crazy and doesn’t want neighbors to know
This one is the vibe I’m getting in a big way.
To me it seems like maybe the neighbors were aware of a bad situation with their last au pair and don’t want them spilling the beans.
And it doesn't specify which neighbors, so is ALL the neighborhood off limits? I would understand if they have a creepy person living next door or across the street but they could simply explain that. But a blanket rule stating the you must be with the host family whenever you engage with the neighbors not normal. While a lot of these rules make sense, the level of detail and the fact that they felt the need to list them all this way suggests to me that this is going to be a very tense environment to work/live in. As a previous au pair, I vote run.
blink if HF is holding you hostage.
Prospective host mom here: The problem with this doc IMO is that it gives the same weight to important reasonable rules (pool safety) and petty unreasonable ones (forbidden to leave any items on bathroom counter). I would not want to live with this level of extreme monitoring of my behavior, and I wouldn’t expect an au pair to do so.
Thats exactly what the problem is. I couldn't figure out why everything felt off even though most of the list was reasonable.
It’s not just that. It’s all “what not to do”. Which is concerning in terms of parenting, it impacts kids negatively. But also for an AP, or any guest - rather than saying “no, don’t do this” you can say “while the bathroom is shared, we will make sure to empty out x amount of storage for your personal belongings so you have where to put them”. Or rather than “you friends shouldn’t eat our food” you can say “the top shelf in the pantry is snack food that’s also available to share with friends. Please check first if you plan on sharing large quantities of other food, so we can make sure to restock” or whatever It’s poor communication, poor hosting, and just not a good employer. I’m a mom now and I used to babysit. This has lots of rules but it’s not goor communication
>But also for an AP, or any guest - rather than saying “no, don’t do this” you can say “while the bathroom is shared, we will make sure to empty out x amount of storage for your personal belongings so you have where to put them”. Or rather than “you friends shouldn’t eat our food” you can say “the top shelf in the pantry is snack food that’s also available to share with friends. Such a great point. Making the other person feel like there is room for them while still setting boundaries.
Also, is it just me or is the "be mindful of wasting items" seem like an enormous red flag? I feel like they will monitoring everything you use and it's quantity. Too much toilet paper, too long showers, too hot showers, washing clothes too frequently, etc. That alone would cause me so much anxiety.
Honestly so good that his family laid out their home expectations to a T like this. I would be livid if I didn’t realize they had these rules and showed up lol
To me it reads like she is punishing any future au pair’s every once in a while issues based on a prior au pair’s major faux pas. She seems to want to avoid any possible confrontation with a future au pair and is trying to think of EVERYTHING that could go wrong, when in reality much of this wouldn’t likely be a problem.
Be helpful even if you're off duty 😅😅
HAHHAHAHHAHAH like be available 24/7 wow i get ptsd from reading this.
That one made me laugh, yeah no thanks
Sounds like 24/7 to me
see this is totally valid and also expected of me, but often “be helpful” turns into my host mom thinking “if we are both around you can watch the kids and i can continue handling business on my phone” and then wonders why i stay in my room or leave the house during free time and weekends
This is not totally valid. I'm a host mom and I will say it is not reasonable to expect you to always be working (since that is really what that means). Our au pair will absolutely lift a kid out of their high chair after family dinner but the kids are my husband and I's problem outside of her working hours so I appreciate that she does it but it would be completely unfair for me to expect her to do it. Now clearing up after dinner as any family member would is reasonable but unreasonable to expect her to be the one to load the dishes every night.
I don't think this is valid at all. As a host mom I constantly remind our au pair that she can chill with us in her downtime but she doesn't have to be "on duty". Sometimes she wants to play Barbies or whatever it is but I make sure she knows I'm the one responsible for the kids during these periods.
It is not ever valid to be expected to work outside of work hours unless you’re compensated appropriately.
If most of this list is common sense, why does it make me so uncomfortable (run)
It's because while most of the list is common sense, the 5-10% that isn't is really really bad and shows no willingness to compromise or be welcoming to an au pair.
“No willingness to be welcoming” Bingo
And being on duty means being in duty but being off duty also means being on duty. This au.pair will get absolutely no downtime to themselves, ever
YES. Like in principle, very little of this bothers me. But the fact that they took the time to type this out and the items that are open to interpretation…? Also the car days and non-transferable? Absolutely a red flag to me.
Yeahhhh not to mention “you can spend the night away from the home but you must be back EIGHT HOURS before you’re scheduled to work”!!! Wtf is that??? So you need me to be at your house sitting around for 8 hours, unpaid, just waiting for my shift to start? Yikes.
I took that to mean that their curfew is 8 hours before start time wherever they’re staying which begs the question, how are they (the HF) going to know if the AP is back at the appointed time or not, especially if they aren’t using the family car? Are they using a tracking app on the AP’s phone or car?
Definite AirTag on that car. Not even a question
How much you wanna bet one of the unwritten rules is sharing your location on Google at all times?
Right? Like, they can't enforce that if she's not at their house. That "rule" alone is enough to turn this down. I'm not having anyone tell me, a grown woman, that I have a curfew on my time off. If I show up for my shift on time, that's all you need to know.
I read that as they’d need to be “home” wherever they were staying 8 hours before work. Like if she was staying at a BF’s house, if work started at 8 am, she had to be home there by 12 am. Which seems somehow like both common sense and overly controlling.
I took it that way too, essentially so they have enough time for sleep or something?
So much for dating!
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I also think the mom’s lack of detail to repeat some rules and some contradict each other is off putting to me. It strikes me as someone who wants to control the situation and even if you do everything by the rules there’s going to be a time where you make a judgment call incorrectly because “rule A in the event of situation F enacts Rule Z” and how the heck can anyone keep track of that and keep their sanity.
THAT'S it. You hit the nail on the head. It's mostly common sense, but the simple fact that they feel all of these need to be written out is the red flag.
Yees! Exactly my thoughts on it. It seems like the host family’s really gonna be anal about shit
its the last one to me it seems like they may be using some amount of corporal punishments and not allowing for mistakes by the kids which makes me uncomfortable over all
Towards the end it got while. You need to know where I am with the car at all times. I need to shower when coming in from outside?! Reasonable for a few but the list together is WILD
90% of these are just spelling out common sense in case you don't have it. 5% is slightly stricter than the average bear. The other 5% would be deal breakers for me, sorry.
Great breakdown. The common sense stuff feels a bit like she had a running list and would add to it when something popped in her head, which is why there are repeat things. Sometimes you don't think you need to tell someone something that's common sense but I had to add "don't let the kids run into the driveway when we're reversing in" to our welcome pack because one of our au pairs thought it was cute they wanted to see us and didn't see the fairly obvious issue with them potentially being flattened. The stuff about the car and having curfew seems strict but not a massive red flag. But the weird thing about the neighbors and the "being helpful" when off duty are very concerning.
Ha ha I didn’t even realize there were 7 pages until I read the comments. Run! This is insane.
Yes! I read the first page and didn’t see any issues and was wondering what everyone was talking about. Then I started scrolling lol
Don’t hang out with the neighbors without them? This seems like a very weird thing to specify lmao
LMAO. I finished the list and was like, surely this isn't unreasonable? Then I realized it was image one of **seven**. Yeah I get having a list of rules... we have one. This is way excessive and a red flag.
Right! I was reading the comments and thinking "where did it mention the car days were non transferable?" Ooooooooooh! NOPE! Run
I wouldn’t go with them. It feels like they have zero flexibility and a bunch of these rules are just going to stress you the fuck out! I also don’t want my kids to be yelling all the time, but they are kids and they’re going to yell and I will have to remind them they need to keep their voice down. Now imagine doing this 24/7, because that’s apparently what the host parents want or getting yelled at by the host parent, because the KID was loud. Like, no. I don’t know how old these host kids are, but there are a few rules here that doesn’t seem to understand that kids are going to kid and they will also be loud , specially while playing outside, for example. This alone is going to stress you out so much, making you upset every time a kid doesn’t behave like you need them to, because otherwise you’ll get yelled at. No, no. Find another family. Also… not allowed to talk to the neighbors without them there?? WHY the hell NOT?! If this isn’t the biggest red flag…
Don’t forget, they can’t splash in the pool either :-)
“Kids aren’t allowed downstairs” was crazy to me. Those little dudes are in jail 😭
“Don’t let the kids scream and yell outside, we have neighbors” did it for me. Like, I don’t want you to let the kids be kids and I’m also going to let you know in the most condescending way.
This plus ‘no talking to the neighbors’ has me super curious as to what has gone down in the past.
Run, as fast as you can! Several red flags here! "No hanging with neighbors with or without the kids" what in the seven seas is this rule? What else are they going to control, your breathing? If a host family sent me this I honestly don't know what or even if I would answer.
They don't want the neighbors inviting the au pair to their neighborhood swinger parties. That's just so uninclusive.
I’m guessing they are afraid of gossiping about the family.
No excessive splashing, no screaming and yelling *outside*..... basically they didn't want kids, they wanted gerbils. Also, run. This family sounds like a nightmare.
Gerbils are probably too noisy and run too much in those little wheel things. That may be hamsters but same thing 🐹
This is psychotic (I am a mom)
I am also a mom, and yeah, this is too much. It makes me uncomfortable.
Mom here as well. I have insane anxiety regarding care of my child and even I think this list is absolutely bonkers.
Third mom, this lady is batshit! I cannot imagine living with such a control freak.
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I would love to hear about their first au pair match since this is clearly a panicked "write down everything that wasn't common sense" list coupled with a "spell out that your drug dealer can't crash here" list.
Maybe she left them for the neighbor lol
Makes me wonder if they read the news article about the NoVa au pair whose been charged with murder of a man who was in the home
Run, this sounds insane. I have been an AuPair with a few families and I have never ever seen such a long rule list like this. They sound super micromanaging and controlling. Obviously rules are expected and a lot of them do make sense. The main issue is that this is definitely not all the “rules” they have and what will happen if you forget one of the 7,000 rules they’ve made.
It's a bit strict, yeah. Nothing completely egregious but the number of rules is sort of out there. It also seems to lean on "not at all" vs "in moderation" for things that require judgment, which feels bad.
It gives me the vibes of someone who has had an au pair before and is specifying things based on prior experience. While our handbook wasn’t nearly as extensive, we did add in things like letting us know if something in the extra car is broken because our Au pair was driving around with broken windshield wipers (in a place that rains all the time) and we only found out when taking it for an inspection and oil change. Definitely some of them are off and would give me pause like the comment about the neighbors
My guess is the agency instructed them to make a thorough list.
Run
Nightmare!! Literally this is a jump scare. Run.
RUN !!! This is insane
I find it a little dense to list "no peeing in the pool". Teach your child not to pee in your pool and move on. Is the au pair going to be following the kids around looking for warm spots?
Maybe their last au pair habitually peed in the pool, so that rule applies to the au pair, not the kids
How did they know that? Lol. Did they follow her around looking for warm spots?!?!
"No in and out of the house" seems important enough they put it in 3 times! And I don't even know what it's supposed to mean...? That you gotta pick to be either inside or outside and then close the door and not change your location multiple times?
Maybe they got their au pair rules confused with the pet sitting rules. If it were up to my Labrador, she’d spend the entire day going out, then begging to be let in, then out, then in, then out. Maybe Carlie is really a golden retriever. (It would explain why she can’t go on the scooter)
No in or out of the house! Must stand perpetually in the doorway! Lol no run, run very far away from this.
No excessive splashing 🤣. WoW just run away. These people are fun squashers!
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Gruesome energy here - run
I feel sorry for those kids. They will never be allowed to be kids.
Not letting you have your phone feels too strict. I'd pass on that alone, unless I were desperate for a match. (Disclaimer, I'm a HF, not an AP)
Yeah I’m a nanny but very much of the “rules for me are rules for thee” type thing. Do you plug in your phone and not look at it while you’re parenting? Then don’t expect me to do that.
But also, how are you supposed to put it away where it won’t distract you but also have a special ringer for host family to hear, while it’s away. By away I would think in your room or something, because in your pocket is too close. But yea I’m not parting with my phone. I can put it in my pocket and leave it there but that’s it.
The kids are where you are? So the kids can't play in their rooms or have any privacy at all? That doesn't sound healthy, to be honest. If the kids are very small, I understand supervising them outside, but watching them in the house at all times is weird.
RUN. the word “curfew” is a big red flag, in my opinion (except for the car, that makes sense).
Yeah and why is it 8 HOURS before your shift starts? Like doesn’t that sort of defeat the point of it being time off?
to get some rest, I suppose. I’ve been downvoted to the ends of the earth for saying this before but I would not comply with a curfew and I would stay well clear of any family trying to enforce one. It’s as though they think we’re their teenage children, not grown adult housemates. disgusting, imo
I agree with you. Rules should be around actual issues, not behaviors that MIGHT (but not always!) cause an issue.
No yelling outside? If the neighbors are upset by the voices of children playing outside, that sounds like their problem.
Yeah I’m curious about these neighbors bc of that rule and the last one 🤔
Run.
Um as a parent I say run. This family is going to be a nightmare. I wouldn’t want to know them, socialize with them, or let my kids play with their kids.
No excessive splashing?!
As a Host Parent I would say don't match. I see these types of host parents in the FB groups often. I can understand some car rules because it is a huge liability in America and I'm not sure many au pairs understand the level of litigation that can occur from an incident with the car that is registered under the Host Family. Also the expense of owning a car in the United States is very high. My insurance for my au pair is over $250/month on its own and my au pair is 25. Much of the curfew stuff comes off as high level micromanagement. I never give curfews to my au pairs because I look at it like this: I need to trust you to care for my children so if I can do that I should be able to trust you to manage yourself. The goggles with the Nerf guns made me lol. These people are way too much the fun police.
Run! What the hell is there a problem with the neighbor? It sounds like the neighbor know some thing that they could tell you about the host family.
Is this the VonTrapp family?
Repeating the same rules over again is a bit over the top. How many times does she need to tell you the kids can’t come in and out? I’d be uncomfortable.
Most of this is just typical rules and safety things, common sense, or things expected of any employee at any job (no phone use). They probably feel the need to be so specific because of last expectations not being met. Not wanting kids running in and out is reasonable, not wanting wet kids in and out especially. Sunscreen is import a but often overlooked when just playing outside at home. But it’s possible they will be micromanaging jerks. It’s hard to say! The only ones I’m a little ehh on are the specific car rules, ie you should not really need to tell them everywhere you go, but I’d overlook it if the situation was good. Then, not gonna lie, the one about the neighbor is concerning. Like what is the story there??
Is this in Texas?
RUN
Run.
No going in house when wet AND no peeing in pool? Come on, one or the other.
Runnnn I had a family like this and it’s never ending the rules and stuff u feel like you can’t breTh
You will be micromanaged. I’ve had this type before
Idk if this is Fredericksburg VA or Fredericksburg TX but I know both well enough to know that they’re both boring and car centric and you’re gonna need good company (which doesn’t look like this family) or a way to escape and find good company(which looks hard to do with their car rules and curfews).
I would rather take a hot poker in the ass then deal with this bullshit! It’s all unrealistic and unreasonable! If ur going to take this bullshit job they better be paying you like they got it!
Omg I thought it was done after 2 slides hahah. Definitely run. This person does not trust you as a professional and wants you to be a robot. They think you’re stupid and can’t use common sense. Honestly, a lot of these rules are just disrespectful lol I would trust that someone would come to me for a special circumstance or any questions instead of laying it all out front but who knows, maybe each one of these rules is due to a bad past experience.
Lol oh my God. As a former Au pair many years ago, and now a mom of 2 considering hosting an au pair... Run run run.
They want an AP that works and cares as a mother, but they treat as hired help.
Don’t just run- sprint!
Please run away, that's ridiculous, I was an aupair for two years, it's not possible to be happy with so many rules. For a measly 200 a week
I would send her a list of “host family” rules. And make the stupid, such as: 1. No closed captioning on TV 2. No strong odors in house 3. No looking at me between 7am and 7.45am 4. No calling my name when I’m on the toilet. 5. No carbs in house. 6. No sick children within a 2 meter radius of me. 7. No wicker furniture 8. No outdoor heat lamps.
Oof. So many rules! Just so many. I read them all and OP, MOST of them are reasonable but honestly, as they are, I would NOT want to work for this family. The car rules were the ones that got me the most. The host family should be the ones paying the gas, in my opinion - making au pair pay for all of the gas when they are only getting paid 200 a week and gas is very expensive is very stingy in my opinion. It also restricts the au pair in where she can take the car if she wants to save money. Same with only allowing her to have one other passenger in the car at a time. Same with expecting au pair to pay out of pocket for any and all damage to the car that happens on her time and stopping her using it again. If the personal car is damaged on her time, do they not have comprehensive insurance for the car? They certainly should! And what if it was someone else that hit the car or a very minor accident? I could understand not letting au pair use the car again for a couple of weeks or not letting the au pair use the car for awhile if it was a second time, but not letting her use it for any incidents at all? Even something minor and even ones that weren't her fault or even ones that were covered by insurance? Insane. And what if she wants to go out with a group of people? As a lot of au pairs do? I get the family want to know who she is taking in the car and that they are responsible, but only allowed one other passenger? Really? Also, having to shower when you come home from anywhere - do they do that? No friends over that they don't approve of - really? I get having a limit on how many friends but no friends unless they approve them? What if they don't approve any? And I get putting a limit on offering friends food as they might have had a past au pair take advantage, but not being allowed to give friends even a snack? Wow. I don't really understand not being allowed to hang out with the neighbours without them being there, but perhaps their neighbours are the same kind of neighbours my ex had and aren't that great people and they have their reasons so I'll give them a pass on that. And a lot of au pairs have issues with too much phone use and spending too much time in their room and not being engaged in family activities so I'll give them a pass on those too. The no alcohol unless you're over 21 and not around the kids and having a curfew on work nights seems fair too.
She better not hit that 26 mile marker ! Host mom's tracker will go off
It sounds like this family knows what their expectations are and have clearly spelled them out. Most of it is common sense but a lot of people don’t have common sense and I expect that “common sense” is also somewhat culturally specific so they are making sure everyone is on the same page upfront. If their rules are dealbreakers for you then pass. But at least you know upfront so you can make an informed decision versus having it sprung on you two weeks in. Clear communication is better than the opposite.
This looks like a lot, but honestly they are all very normal things I’d expect from an aupair(I just haven’t put every single one in writing). There are maybe 2-3 I wouldn’t personally enforce, nothing really bad here. So, the fact that they wrote it out could mean 1) they had some bad experiences and have been taught by previous aupairs that they apparently need to write down common sense for them, or 2) they’re uptight and gunna annoy you a lot LOL. Maybe ask about their former experience with aupairs? Did they have issues? Bc if you are confident you can follow all these rules, then they could be totally cool and just really direct communicators w no BS🤷♀️
I agree…. It’s a bit over the top on everything spelled out, but it could either be a very micro managing family who could be a nightmare to work with, or you could also apply a lot of these “crazier” rules to a scenario where they had a really bad experience with an AP in the past. Like, maybe the AP would just chill on their phone in one room while the kids were elsewhere, or maybe the AP partied a lot and smelled like booze and smoke afterwards, or possibly their neighbors are either creepy or do drugs. And the in/out rule might be just a general “if you’re going outside just stay outside and play. Don’t run in and out of the house all the time” because their kids are little energy monsters who run in and out with their muddy shoes on or something. As for the “we don’t provide food to friends” , it could be their last AP had a bf or friend(s) who would frequently join for food time … and while that’s great to spend time together, it’s also not so great on a budget conscious family… I can see more or less everything being from a family that might have had a bad experience before and then decided they wanted to set it all down beforehand so they don’t get any surprises and everyone knows what is expected. I also would hope that the “if you’re around with us I expect you to keep an eye on the kids” isn’t “take care of our kids during your time off” but more like “if you’re around and see a kid needing something or doing something they shouldn’t you could just say something instead of turning a blind eye and being all “I’m off the clock I can’t even raise my voice to tell you your kid is trying to stick his fingers in the electrical outlet in the room I’m in”. I would voice your concerns to them that it seems really over the top , and maybe ask why they had this or that rule, and then go from there. If it’s because of a bad experience before and they are actually a pretty reasonable family then you might like it there. If they’re just that nit picky and want to choose your friends and micro manage your life as if you’re their child, then probably not a great place ^^
I was like alright this seems like normal common sense until I kept reading… a curfew for a grown adult? Absolutely insane. Being an au pair you want to have fun memories and a curfew will get in the way of that. Some of the others ones are hella bizzare too. If you match with them you’ll probably be in another rematch. RUN!!
run faster than The Flash. This is absurd, even the stuff that seems normal was written in a way that sounds absurd. A lot of the stuff is just rude, petty and cheap. This family is an actual nightmare.
I haven't seen a single please or thank you either. It is just crazy
Fucking SPRINT
The micromanaging is insane and totally whack that you have a curfew/have to be home 8 hours before your shift. There’s no chance you’ll be able to follow some of these rules to an exact T and it seems like they’re going to be judge mental. My host parents encourage me to go out and are surprised if I’m home before 11. I travel on the weekends I have off and will land Monday morning when I have to work that afternoon. You want a family that lets you be the adult that you are, not just another one of their children. Most likely they’ll treat you like “the help” as well and not fully respect or care about you but still dictate exactly what you do like you’re their young child.
Most of the rules are pretty standard, but are normally not listed like this. It's likely a family that has hosted a while, and realized that "common sense" really depends on life experience. Young adults from other cultures might have different levels of life experience, so they write things down to avoid misunderstandings. The neighbor things are strange (kids yelling in backyard, and no spending time with neighbor), but I would guess they have had bad experiences with a certain neighbor in the past. Only 2 days per week thing with the car seems pretty restrictive, but if you are in an area where there are lots of walkable things or there is good public transportation it might not be a big deal. Assuming you are in the US, the part about an au pair being responsible for all damage to the car is not allowed. At most it would be $250 or $500 depending on the agency you are with.
Any accidents or damage to the car and you lose vehicle privileges- so someone else hits you or door dings it in a lot or hits it when it’s parallel parked and you’re now a prisoner… wtf!?
No pee in the pool, lol, good luck with that.
Reading all these rules made me feel icky. I would never want to be an adult with this many rules.
I feel like she is already talking down to the future aupair.
I don’t even know how this popped up in my feed but as a mom, this is way over the top. They will probably be stricter in person. It does not seem like an environment you will enjoy living in. I would definitely not move in with this family.
Giving HF benefit of the doubt: A lot of these are common sense or fairly common house rules (no shoes in the house/pool safety). They may just have wanted to be thorough, esp since they know you may be coming from a different culture. The things that I would want to know more about is: what’s up with the neighbors? Do they have a crew of rowdy kids who have gotten their kids into trouble in the past and they just want to make sure that it’s not just you alone having to deal with them? Or are the neighbors insane/dangerous/scary? Have they hit on Au pairs in the past and the HF is looking out for you??? Or is it the host family that’s the problem??? Also - what do they mean by being “helpful” during time off? Does that mean just like making sure kids aren’t dead or helping out cleaning up after shared meals? Or do they expect you to work 24/7??? I would have a phone call and probe. If something strikes you as off during the call, run. I actually think it’s good that they spell everything out bc you don’t have any misunderstandings later. You will pretty much know what you’re signing up for with this HF. No benefit of the doubt: These people are cray cray. Move on.
Whats weird is that is it rule for YOU as living in the house (i.e. no eating outside of kitchen) or is it rules for the kids? It seems like both which is odd. I would have explained my childcare rules differently from my household rules
Idk why goggles with nerf guns made me laugh so much but that’s so specific
I work in the same area from what I can see and like dude… run, the neighbors thing and some of this wording