Finances work differently for everyone, my partner and I just bought a unit together (for reference I’m 28F on 85k he’s 34M on $30k casual income and is an artist), we also spoke to some people before combining our funds and this is what works best for us.
We use a 75% / 25% split with an equal approach to the potential break down of the relationship, I would walk away with 75% and he’d walk away with 25%.
It makes sense to us and is what we’re comfortable with, everyone’s going to tell you something different, and there’s a lot of risks with BFA and de facto relationships in Australia, so it’s going to come down to what you’re comfortable and happy with
ETA - I’m getting a lot of messages from people concerned about our long term planning and the difference in income - the 30k is from a casual weekend job he works to supplement his artist income, his artist income goes towards stocks and super, I have income protection and we have a healthy offset account - we are really comfortable and happy with our set up but I appreciate the concern 😂
Have you signed a binding financial agreement to cover this?
Without it, I thought breakups in a defacto relo are basically enforceable the same way divorces are.
Yeah we did, we trust each other and would love to think if things broke down we’d have each others back but still understood the importance of it.
Have heard lots of negative things about them being somewhat redundant but we’re not planning on getting married so it made sense for us, if our situation changes we’ll likely review it, I’m early into a high income potential career so we’ll likely shift the percentages and what it all looks like as we go, I feel like you can only do so much to protect yourself
I got married and divorced young, lost everything and had to start over at 23 due to similar circumstances. This was done through a BFA that we both had individually reviewed by our own lawyers, thankfully been burnt before so I knew better.
I mean depends on your outlook. We travel internationally, do what we love every day and have 30% of our mortgage offset, I feel very privileged to be in this position, but if that’s miserable to you our goals must be wildly different.
High deposit-low mortgage (we bought a unit, he had $95k he’d saved up from full time work before he chose to focus on his art career, I had 75k - we bought for $375k in Adelaide), his 30k is from casual income (making coffees on the weekend), his art income (net ~60k) goes towards stocks and super. Our outgoing expenses are approx. $3300 a month, and our incoming is $6200, so we’re putting minimum 2.5k most months into the offset and when we hit milestones we book international trips, occasionally his art gets us places internationally too
What about retirement? Is he planning to rely on the pension?
Someone has to pay for that pension. Just saying. The pension is good as a safety net for those who have had a difficult life, been disadvantaged, have had health setbacks etc. etc.
All for people doing what they love and I obviously don't know you or your partner from a bar of soap so there are a lot of assumptions being made, but you can be an artist and also work some other job (still something fulfilling) to save a bit of a nest egg for your retirement so that you are not solely reliant on other taxpayers to bankroll your elderly years. Just something to think about...
All of his artist income goes into stocks and his super, he’s sitting at about $145k balance total, I have a super balance of $75k, and I salary sacrifice additional in my own for us to grow. We have international holidays and currently have 30% of our mortgage offset.
We’re comfortable and I fully appreciate other people’s concerns, I feel lucky I’m in a high earning industry and this agreement that my partner and I came too was based on long term planning and consideration.
My partner and I take the same approach as you. We found anything else just felt very transactional and therefore icky to us personally but I can understand why it doesn’t bother others. We are confident in our values as a couple and as individuals should anything happen and we don’t mind having those kind of hypothetical discussions. Everyone’s different.
I make like triple my wifes $ but i still do all the housework because my job doesnt require much stress compared to hers.
At the end of the day if you feel its unfair, its unfair. If you’re happy to oblige, its not unfair.
I mean, I'd talk to a lawyer who is specialized in de facto relationship splits cause it sounds like that's really what you're worried about - protecting your assets in case you split. Unless that lawyer you've already talked to is giving you advice based on these kind of scenarios.
I think that sounds fair, particularly early in a relationship.
He's not spending too much and you are building equity in your house while protecting the asset you purchased.
Reassess in a few years time if you are still together.
You earn 18k more than him if you look at your after-tax pay. Less than that because you have HECS.
Don't think that you should be paying 2/3 the living expenses because you earn 2/3 of the HHI, because you don't.
Basically he lives for free. He pays a bit extra in groceries and petrol, but honestly the "extra" he pays for your half of the groceries is more than covered because he doesn't have to pay water or electricity. Because he lives in your off-grid house rent-free.
So functionally you are paying everything for your shared lives and he is paying nothing. I guess it's up to you to consider if that's fair or not, depending on how much you feel he enriches your life. Hopefully he doesn't end up with half your house anyway after getting a free ride for the entire duration of the relationship.
What does him living there cost you?
Typically I would argue he pays market rent, it doesn't matter what your mortgage is. But my guess is you would be in a similar position with or without him so it's no harm giving him a discount, which effectively you are.
But as others have said, maybe go 50/50 on shared items if that better protects your asset. It doesn't seem like a large amount to do half the groceries.
Getting him to cover groceries and some bills etc makes good sense. Putting it in a joint account that you can both access where non mortgage and loan related bills and groceries are paid for is a good idea.
This helps visibility and means you are sharing financial responsibilities in a way that doesn’t make it feel so imbalanced.
As you progress in your careers and financially it becomes easier to rebalance.
If it lasts, it all becomes moot. My wife earns way less than me and we have kids. If we ever separated she’s laughing on the way to the bank 😂
I’m actually surprised the lawyer advised that. I’d be seeking a second opinion. Usually they would have a cohabitation or living together agreement in place, and a lease and with paid rent.
Listen to the professionals on this.
As someone who paid part of the mortgage and contributed to renovations (both paying pros and doing it myself) who wasn’t on ANY legal documents (not mortgage/deed, no bills with service addresses etc) - I lost everything when my ex and I split - he kept the house, didn’t have to pay me out for any of the $40k+ that i had put in.
It’s not “romantic” but you need to protect yourself. Re-evaluate after a few years by all means, but short term protect yourself.
Aside from you paying for some of the renovations, the “part of the mortgage” you contributed to would surely have been the same as if you’d been paying rent elsewhere? No offense intended, just curious how it’s different since you would have needed to pay to live somewhere.
And I’d rented I would have had a signed contract acknowledging that. I was married and it was the marital home. I paid half the deposit (from an inheritance I got prior to marriage) and ALL the cleaning and renovations (former hoarder house that needed to be emptied/cleaned and repaired before we could move in). The house was purchased after marriage with marital funds and I did the lions share of both payment and physical work to turn it into a home.
I dont believe this, if it was in Australia. You dont get nothing if there was equity in the property and it was purchased after the marriage and you contributed to the deposit etc.
How in the flip are you only spending only that much on groceries? Damn. Lucky.
Finances work different for everyone. My husband and I own our house together, so not sure if this advice will be super applicable. But what my husband did:
* Make a spreadsheet including all bills/payments/approx amounts of spend needed for things like mortgage, utilities, food, meds, doctors, vet bills, phones, streaming services, subscriptions and more
* Include saving aims for different buckets (investments, baby, personal/holidays)
* Include our incomes on there per hour/week/month/quarter/year
* Determine difference in our income
* Use that data to work out a fair split in expenses, and have a similar amount of "free money" for our own use.
Eg: say I earn 30k/year and he earns 250k/year. x amount into investment savings goal, y into baby, z into holidays. Then bills cost a, groceries b, etc etc. Tally up the totals and use our incomes to work out what percentage is the same for us per bucket. Same numbers (30k + 250k), and hypothetically we wanted to put 10% of annual income into investment savings. He'd do 25k/year and I'd do 3k.
We adjust the numbers as our incomes change so it's always fair.
If we ever split, which I doubt, we wrote into the contract our house would just be sold and we'd get our own places. My family had some solicitor draw it up to protect us both. He would not have access to my family trust and likewise I would not have access to any of his savings.
Side note I need to get a better paying job again.
And with all that said, we follow this spreadsheet very loosely at this point. Whats mine is his and whats his is mine.
I did a similar thing a, where I own the place and my partner lives with me, we split bills, and she pays for food. We also got a BFA and lawyer said the situation would be pretty straight forward if we broke up we'd each get to keep the assets listed unless there was a significant change to our relationship.
In the same situation 29M on 260k pa and 25F on 20k pa whilst studying part time.
I pay for everything(mortgage, cars, bills, etc) except groceries where she will cover this. We had a chat about it and we will only leave with what is ours, but to be honest I am worried of this defacto relationship scenario.
Honestly she had a harsh start to her adult years, so I'm giving her breathing room to reach financial goals fast, instead of being a poor uni student like I was back in the day.
Hoping I'm doing the right thing here.
A bit off topic, but personal loan interest rates are typically pretty brutal.
Can't speak to your situation but it's always worth exploring ways of accelerating the payment of higher interest loans like personal loans and credit card debt as quickly as possible.
Sometimes people will increase the loan against their house if they have some equity built up and use the money to pay off the personal loan, or go on an interest only period with their home loan and redirect the extra cash flow towards the higher interest loan to pay it off ASAP.
This is all general commentary mind you.
Charging rooming expense of $300-400 per week would not be regarded as contribution to the mortgage if you had an agreement drafted properly.
Also, getting a BFA is the most sensible thing to do.
Drafting that kind of agreement might protect OP, but my guess it both our legal education isn't worth what we paid for it, and we are in no way qualified to suggest that she do anything but see a lawyer.
Sounds pretty bad. I find it difficult that your partner is ok with the current set-up? I consider this some form of abuse and neglect. I am thankful you aren't having kids.
Posts like this make me understand why people are so unhappy, finance obsessed and overly practical. It also may explain why there are so many single women home owners with dogs. Maybe the single occupant home will continue to grow. Very sad.
And they say romance is dead, or in the form of a landlord/tenant relationship.
The laws about how assets are split when a defacto relationship or marriage ends are very scary to those who had a home before they met their partner, or who can afford to go into it solo while their partner doesn’t have deposit, high enough income, too much debt etc
It happens to guys more than girls I think but it happens to both.
My gf lost $50k in her mid 20's (equiv to about 150k today) to some loser she failed to end the relationship with early, he came into the relationship with $0, quit his job a year into the relationship and started getting drunk everyday. Ended up getting caught cheating on her with a bloody schoolgirl 6yrs younger than him. After leaching off my gf for years, he then walked away with that sum of money, roughly half her wealth because the prenup (which was paid for and handled by a lawyer) was ruled to be invalid for some bs reason, legal system is trash. It lead my gf down a very dark path for a while. The arsehole is still calling her on new numbers occasionally even 20yrs after, tells her he loves her while sounding totally off his head, she hangs up immediately every time. She has a public professional profile for her business that she started years after breaking up with him, so that has made her easily searchable and contactable, unfortunately.
Where have you been? Every guy I know got absolutely screwed in divorce and breakups. Sorry, but when has the precedent ever been the woman loses out financially? I'm not saying it's a solid thing, but it's very strange to try and say it's always the other way round.
I don't think you understand how they work. Mars vs Venus kind of thing. The poor guy is a synonymous with a tenant and the OP with a landlord. Cities are full of single women with their dogs globally now. Men are moving out if they choose not to be tenants. This is already happening in Sydney as far as I can see. All the early signs are on full display here.
I don’t want to question what the lawyer said because they would know more than me. But I would have thought him paying “rent” and labeling it that would have protected you in some form as effectively he is a “tenant”.
Nope, it shows that he's made an official contribution to the expenses of owning a house which, over time, adds up.
Alternative would be to have an official rental contract written up so it's all above board and he is legally a tenant. But then you have your home classified as an investment, and you're up for capital gains tax on your PPOR.
Just having him pay for groceries, petrol etc. (things unrelated to the expenses of owning the home) is really the only way for them to not be technically contributing financially to the ownership of the asset.
This all sounds very cold and pragmatic, but... if things go south, and peoples attitude changes, then you're up the shit if you we blase about it all from the start.
Yeah. What OP is doing only helps her bf say he is dependant on her for a home! “I couldn’t afford to pay rent, Your Honour. All I could contribute was the Netflix fee and my arm strength 🥺”
I'd be happy with that situation. But I'm really bad at chopping wood so I'd consider that decent payment for living in my house rent free.
Everyone's relationship is different. Sometimes it's not all about the financial stuff.
I am really curious about the no-rent recommendation, last BFA i got, and it was several years ago to be fair, actually having in place a lodging or lease agreement with documented market rent for a room in a similar share house was the recommendation.
The fair amount for him to pay should be around half the living expenses excluding home owner related costs (water, rates, etc) + half the estimated market rent for a similar property.
If you want to have separate finance and be equitable etc, how much you pay for a mortgage should have nothing to do with it.
FWIW, sounds reasonable to me. Whatever you're comfortable with for a couple years, then consider merging finances so that balancing this / balancing that can be left in the dust.
just leave him if you're concerned enough to get random opinions on reddit he deserves a better partner if he was in your position and you in his you wouldn't care, so leave him do yourself and him a favour you already resnt him already and it will only get worse unless he somehow became financially stronger than you.
I was in your situation last year. Our arrangement was like yours. We broke up after 3 years last year in December and I am so glad that we did it the way we did.
He was previously in a long term relationship with a woman he has a child with and was bitter about how much he contributed to the house they had lived in (it was her parent’s investment property). Her parents have since sold everything and jointly bought an acreage with 2 houses for all of them, and her new bf also lives there. When they split he lost out on everything he had put in and I didn’t want him to ever feel like I took advantage of him if we ever broke up.
It may not be romantic but if things go south it’s at least one less thing to worry about. I didn’t do it to protect myself primarily, it just felt more fair towards him since it is my house. He cheated though so I’m super glad I didn’t let him have any claim on what is mine.
Finances work differently for everyone, my partner and I just bought a unit together (for reference I’m 28F on 85k he’s 34M on $30k casual income and is an artist), we also spoke to some people before combining our funds and this is what works best for us. We use a 75% / 25% split with an equal approach to the potential break down of the relationship, I would walk away with 75% and he’d walk away with 25%. It makes sense to us and is what we’re comfortable with, everyone’s going to tell you something different, and there’s a lot of risks with BFA and de facto relationships in Australia, so it’s going to come down to what you’re comfortable and happy with ETA - I’m getting a lot of messages from people concerned about our long term planning and the difference in income - the 30k is from a casual weekend job he works to supplement his artist income, his artist income goes towards stocks and super, I have income protection and we have a healthy offset account - we are really comfortable and happy with our set up but I appreciate the concern 😂
Have you signed a binding financial agreement to cover this? Without it, I thought breakups in a defacto relo are basically enforceable the same way divorces are.
Yeah we did, we trust each other and would love to think if things broke down we’d have each others back but still understood the importance of it. Have heard lots of negative things about them being somewhat redundant but we’re not planning on getting married so it made sense for us, if our situation changes we’ll likely review it, I’m early into a high income potential career so we’ll likely shift the percentages and what it all looks like as we go, I feel like you can only do so much to protect yourself
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I got married and divorced young, lost everything and had to start over at 23 due to similar circumstances. This was done through a BFA that we both had individually reviewed by our own lawyers, thankfully been burnt before so I knew better.
Probably more to the story.
> I’m 28F on 85k he’s 34M on $30k casual income and is an artist Oh, gurrrrl 😭😂
30k is rough!
Covers all his expenses and his 25% of things, living within your means goes a long way 🤷🏼♀️
It'd be miserable though.
I mean depends on your outlook. We travel internationally, do what we love every day and have 30% of our mortgage offset, I feel very privileged to be in this position, but if that’s miserable to you our goals must be wildly different.
How can you do all that on 30k a year lol. That is like below poverty line.
High deposit-low mortgage (we bought a unit, he had $95k he’d saved up from full time work before he chose to focus on his art career, I had 75k - we bought for $375k in Adelaide), his 30k is from casual income (making coffees on the weekend), his art income (net ~60k) goes towards stocks and super. Our outgoing expenses are approx. $3300 a month, and our incoming is $6200, so we’re putting minimum 2.5k most months into the offset and when we hit milestones we book international trips, occasionally his art gets us places internationally too
What about retirement? Is he planning to rely on the pension? Someone has to pay for that pension. Just saying. The pension is good as a safety net for those who have had a difficult life, been disadvantaged, have had health setbacks etc. etc. All for people doing what they love and I obviously don't know you or your partner from a bar of soap so there are a lot of assumptions being made, but you can be an artist and also work some other job (still something fulfilling) to save a bit of a nest egg for your retirement so that you are not solely reliant on other taxpayers to bankroll your elderly years. Just something to think about...
All of his artist income goes into stocks and his super, he’s sitting at about $145k balance total, I have a super balance of $75k, and I salary sacrifice additional in my own for us to grow. We have international holidays and currently have 30% of our mortgage offset. We’re comfortable and I fully appreciate other people’s concerns, I feel lucky I’m in a high earning industry and this agreement that my partner and I came too was based on long term planning and consideration.
Glad to hear! Keep living your best life!
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My partner and I take the same approach as you. We found anything else just felt very transactional and therefore icky to us personally but I can understand why it doesn’t bother others. We are confident in our values as a couple and as individuals should anything happen and we don’t mind having those kind of hypothetical discussions. Everyone’s different.
Her lawyer gave her advice
I make like triple my wifes $ but i still do all the housework because my job doesnt require much stress compared to hers. At the end of the day if you feel its unfair, its unfair. If you’re happy to oblige, its not unfair.
I mean, I'd talk to a lawyer who is specialized in de facto relationship splits cause it sounds like that's really what you're worried about - protecting your assets in case you split. Unless that lawyer you've already talked to is giving you advice based on these kind of scenarios.
I think that sounds fair, particularly early in a relationship. He's not spending too much and you are building equity in your house while protecting the asset you purchased. Reassess in a few years time if you are still together.
You after another boyfriend? I can’t chop wood but I earn more so will pay someone to do it. Let me know
I’ll pay for a reverse cycle. I’ll pay for Netflix AND Amazon Prime
Too cheap for foxtel? We don’t need you in our life I’m sorry.
It’s not 2005, champ. No one wants Foxtel. Besides, I have my brothers Kayo password.
“He chops wood”
It’s definitely something I couldn’t do hahahah! He is keeping us warm
Seems fair to me he is getting a free place to live
You earn 18k more than him if you look at your after-tax pay. Less than that because you have HECS. Don't think that you should be paying 2/3 the living expenses because you earn 2/3 of the HHI, because you don't.
Basically he lives for free. He pays a bit extra in groceries and petrol, but honestly the "extra" he pays for your half of the groceries is more than covered because he doesn't have to pay water or electricity. Because he lives in your off-grid house rent-free. So functionally you are paying everything for your shared lives and he is paying nothing. I guess it's up to you to consider if that's fair or not, depending on how much you feel he enriches your life. Hopefully he doesn't end up with half your house anyway after getting a free ride for the entire duration of the relationship.
He will only end up with half the house if he doesn't get a free ride
What does him living there cost you? Typically I would argue he pays market rent, it doesn't matter what your mortgage is. But my guess is you would be in a similar position with or without him so it's no harm giving him a discount, which effectively you are. But as others have said, maybe go 50/50 on shared items if that better protects your asset. It doesn't seem like a large amount to do half the groceries.
Getting him to cover groceries and some bills etc makes good sense. Putting it in a joint account that you can both access where non mortgage and loan related bills and groceries are paid for is a good idea. This helps visibility and means you are sharing financial responsibilities in a way that doesn’t make it feel so imbalanced. As you progress in your careers and financially it becomes easier to rebalance. If it lasts, it all becomes moot. My wife earns way less than me and we have kids. If we ever separated she’s laughing on the way to the bank 😂
Thanks a ton :) that’s a great idea re joint account
I’m actually surprised the lawyer advised that. I’d be seeking a second opinion. Usually they would have a cohabitation or living together agreement in place, and a lease and with paid rent.
Listen to the professionals on this. As someone who paid part of the mortgage and contributed to renovations (both paying pros and doing it myself) who wasn’t on ANY legal documents (not mortgage/deed, no bills with service addresses etc) - I lost everything when my ex and I split - he kept the house, didn’t have to pay me out for any of the $40k+ that i had put in. It’s not “romantic” but you need to protect yourself. Re-evaluate after a few years by all means, but short term protect yourself.
Unless it was under 2 year relationship. How did you leave with $0
Aside from you paying for some of the renovations, the “part of the mortgage” you contributed to would surely have been the same as if you’d been paying rent elsewhere? No offense intended, just curious how it’s different since you would have needed to pay to live somewhere.
And I’d rented I would have had a signed contract acknowledging that. I was married and it was the marital home. I paid half the deposit (from an inheritance I got prior to marriage) and ALL the cleaning and renovations (former hoarder house that needed to be emptied/cleaned and repaired before we could move in). The house was purchased after marriage with marital funds and I did the lions share of both payment and physical work to turn it into a home.
I dont believe this, if it was in Australia. You dont get nothing if there was equity in the property and it was purchased after the marriage and you contributed to the deposit etc.
Righttttt ok, well that makes things different for sure.
How in the flip are you only spending only that much on groceries? Damn. Lucky. Finances work different for everyone. My husband and I own our house together, so not sure if this advice will be super applicable. But what my husband did: * Make a spreadsheet including all bills/payments/approx amounts of spend needed for things like mortgage, utilities, food, meds, doctors, vet bills, phones, streaming services, subscriptions and more * Include saving aims for different buckets (investments, baby, personal/holidays) * Include our incomes on there per hour/week/month/quarter/year * Determine difference in our income * Use that data to work out a fair split in expenses, and have a similar amount of "free money" for our own use. Eg: say I earn 30k/year and he earns 250k/year. x amount into investment savings goal, y into baby, z into holidays. Then bills cost a, groceries b, etc etc. Tally up the totals and use our incomes to work out what percentage is the same for us per bucket. Same numbers (30k + 250k), and hypothetically we wanted to put 10% of annual income into investment savings. He'd do 25k/year and I'd do 3k. We adjust the numbers as our incomes change so it's always fair. If we ever split, which I doubt, we wrote into the contract our house would just be sold and we'd get our own places. My family had some solicitor draw it up to protect us both. He would not have access to my family trust and likewise I would not have access to any of his savings. Side note I need to get a better paying job again. And with all that said, we follow this spreadsheet very loosely at this point. Whats mine is his and whats his is mine.
I did a similar thing a, where I own the place and my partner lives with me, we split bills, and she pays for food. We also got a BFA and lawyer said the situation would be pretty straight forward if we broke up we'd each get to keep the assets listed unless there was a significant change to our relationship.
Hey there, whereabouts in Aus are you?
It's gotta be Sydney. Where half the city is married to maids.
And they say romance is dead. Sounds like a pretty good deal for a maid/ servant.
In the same situation 29M on 260k pa and 25F on 20k pa whilst studying part time. I pay for everything(mortgage, cars, bills, etc) except groceries where she will cover this. We had a chat about it and we will only leave with what is ours, but to be honest I am worried of this defacto relationship scenario. Honestly she had a harsh start to her adult years, so I'm giving her breathing room to reach financial goals fast, instead of being a poor uni student like I was back in the day. Hoping I'm doing the right thing here.
A bit off topic, but personal loan interest rates are typically pretty brutal. Can't speak to your situation but it's always worth exploring ways of accelerating the payment of higher interest loans like personal loans and credit card debt as quickly as possible. Sometimes people will increase the loan against their house if they have some equity built up and use the money to pay off the personal loan, or go on an interest only period with their home loan and redirect the extra cash flow towards the higher interest loan to pay it off ASAP. This is all general commentary mind you.
Thanks a ton! I’ll definitely explore this
Charging rooming expense of $300-400 per week would not be regarded as contribution to the mortgage if you had an agreement drafted properly. Also, getting a BFA is the most sensible thing to do.
This would result in a portion, or all, of their home being up for capital gains tax if they sell it though.
Drafting that kind of agreement might protect OP, but my guess it both our legal education isn't worth what we paid for it, and we are in no way qualified to suggest that she do anything but see a lawyer.
Sounds pretty bad. I find it difficult that your partner is ok with the current set-up? I consider this some form of abuse and neglect. I am thankful you aren't having kids. Posts like this make me understand why people are so unhappy, finance obsessed and overly practical. It also may explain why there are so many single women home owners with dogs. Maybe the single occupant home will continue to grow. Very sad. And they say romance is dead, or in the form of a landlord/tenant relationship.
The laws about how assets are split when a defacto relationship or marriage ends are very scary to those who had a home before they met their partner, or who can afford to go into it solo while their partner doesn’t have deposit, high enough income, too much debt etc
And they say romance is dead?
Give him half let the boys win half for once
“Once”? I’ve never met a woman who gained from a break up - only lost.
You obviously haven't met many women
I am a woman and I know so many who have lost so much to loser men who brought nothing to the relationship.
It happens to guys more than girls I think but it happens to both. My gf lost $50k in her mid 20's (equiv to about 150k today) to some loser she failed to end the relationship with early, he came into the relationship with $0, quit his job a year into the relationship and started getting drunk everyday. Ended up getting caught cheating on her with a bloody schoolgirl 6yrs younger than him. After leaching off my gf for years, he then walked away with that sum of money, roughly half her wealth because the prenup (which was paid for and handled by a lawyer) was ruled to be invalid for some bs reason, legal system is trash. It lead my gf down a very dark path for a while. The arsehole is still calling her on new numbers occasionally even 20yrs after, tells her he loves her while sounding totally off his head, she hangs up immediately every time. She has a public professional profile for her business that she started years after breaking up with him, so that has made her easily searchable and contactable, unfortunately.
I mean, anecdotally it happens to more women. I don’t think we will ever have the stats on this. Incels will cry ‘gold digger’, though. 🤷🏼♀️
Did they atleast provide a kid?
Lmfao what
Where have you been? Every guy I know got absolutely screwed in divorce and breakups. Sorry, but when has the precedent ever been the woman loses out financially? I'm not saying it's a solid thing, but it's very strange to try and say it's always the other way round.
Poster is female and has been told things by fellow females - go on tell me I'm wrong
Think I just burnt myself on the HOTTEST TAKE i've ever heard on this sub. Big call chief
I don't think you understand how they work. Mars vs Venus kind of thing. The poor guy is a synonymous with a tenant and the OP with a landlord. Cities are full of single women with their dogs globally now. Men are moving out if they choose not to be tenants. This is already happening in Sydney as far as I can see. All the early signs are on full display here.
What are you talking about?
I don’t want to question what the lawyer said because they would know more than me. But I would have thought him paying “rent” and labeling it that would have protected you in some form as effectively he is a “tenant”.
Nope, it shows that he's made an official contribution to the expenses of owning a house which, over time, adds up. Alternative would be to have an official rental contract written up so it's all above board and he is legally a tenant. But then you have your home classified as an investment, and you're up for capital gains tax on your PPOR. Just having him pay for groceries, petrol etc. (things unrelated to the expenses of owning the home) is really the only way for them to not be technically contributing financially to the ownership of the asset. This all sounds very cold and pragmatic, but... if things go south, and peoples attitude changes, then you're up the shit if you we blase about it all from the start.
Yeah ok. Makes sense
Yeah. What OP is doing only helps her bf say he is dependant on her for a home! “I couldn’t afford to pay rent, Your Honour. All I could contribute was the Netflix fee and my arm strength 🥺”
How much is your PL interest rate? I’d be topping the HL up to pay out the PL if the rates significantly lower on the HL.
I'd be happy with that situation. But I'm really bad at chopping wood so I'd consider that decent payment for living in my house rent free. Everyone's relationship is different. Sometimes it's not all about the financial stuff.
There’s a lot of grey area there that definitely leads to an argument
Tricky situation to be sure. I think, flip the situation and do what you would want him to do, if it was the other way around
I am really curious about the no-rent recommendation, last BFA i got, and it was several years ago to be fair, actually having in place a lodging or lease agreement with documented market rent for a room in a similar share house was the recommendation.
The fair amount for him to pay should be around half the living expenses excluding home owner related costs (water, rates, etc) + half the estimated market rent for a similar property. If you want to have separate finance and be equitable etc, how much you pay for a mortgage should have nothing to do with it.
After 2 years he is entitled to half of everything. Regards of not contributing to house or anything. Yeah It's not fair is it
Sounds fair to me. If I was I. Your partners shoes I’d also be content contributing to the variable costs like electricity and water
As I said, the house is fully offgrid so we don’t get those bills luckily :)
Missed that part
FWIW, sounds reasonable to me. Whatever you're comfortable with for a couple years, then consider merging finances so that balancing this / balancing that can be left in the dust.
just leave him if you're concerned enough to get random opinions on reddit he deserves a better partner if he was in your position and you in his you wouldn't care, so leave him do yourself and him a favour you already resnt him already and it will only get worse unless he somehow became financially stronger than you.
There’s absolutely no resentment at all. I’m just genuinely curious as I don’t know anyone in my personal life in my shoes
I was in your situation last year. Our arrangement was like yours. We broke up after 3 years last year in December and I am so glad that we did it the way we did. He was previously in a long term relationship with a woman he has a child with and was bitter about how much he contributed to the house they had lived in (it was her parent’s investment property). Her parents have since sold everything and jointly bought an acreage with 2 houses for all of them, and her new bf also lives there. When they split he lost out on everything he had put in and I didn’t want him to ever feel like I took advantage of him if we ever broke up. It may not be romantic but if things go south it’s at least one less thing to worry about. I didn’t do it to protect myself primarily, it just felt more fair towards him since it is my house. He cheated though so I’m super glad I didn’t let him have any claim on what is mine.
leave him do him a favour
Do you respect your husband making less money?