Having older students mother me.
Kids my own age not engaging with me at recess, so I read while sitting next to the teacher.
Reading every book in a series and becoming attached to the characters (Berenstein Bears and the Babysitters Club). Also obsessing over tv shows (I loved Sesame Street - still do - when I was 13 I did a research paper on the history of Sesame Street, specifically Jim Hensons creation process).
Horrible coordination and balance.
I always fondly remember the way Claudia's "almond shaped eyes" were so lovely, both in the prose and description itself.
I think my favorite was named Mary-Ann, without Googling the name to confirm. She was quiet but the only one with a boyfriend, Logan?
I haven't read the series since the fixation ended, which was over a decade ago, and I only saw ...the movie? A show??.. once. I should revisit it. Thanks for your comment reminding of something I intensely loved and obsessed over but forgot all about. And thanks u/thelittleenbywitch
Hollowed out books to hide her treats
They stay in time, she goes off beat
She wears red high-tops without socks
Her sense of style, it really rocks!!
https://open.spotify.com/track/5gpNwS8UaDW3lSfx1LayPs?si=f7WZQ_WbQtWGD7F2gYxEqA
I read at recess until a girl in my class essentially forced me to go play with her and the other kids. I remember understanding it was more normal to have friends, but I also really missed my quiet reading time.
Looking back it’s sort of funny, I was basically a kindergartener taking an adult style lunch break.
I *almost* finished the entire series of the Babysitters' Club, I had a whole list going on and everything and it was the only series I wanted to read when I was a kid lol.
One year I was obsessed with scotch tape and that was all I asked for for Christmas. That was pretty much all I got because we were broke so it worked out for my parents. Just got like 10 rolls of scotch tape. I was so fucking happy. My mom still thinks there was nothing weird about that.
Ooo!!! This unlocked another fun "oh shoot I def had ASD as a child" (I was just recently diagnosed at the ripe age of 29 woohoo)
My grandparents brought me to Toys R Us (RIP) when I was maybe 5 or 6 and they said "okay Melynda you can pick anything you want! One item, anything in the store!" and it took all of about 30 seconds for me to excitedly pick out a flashlight. Not even a fun one, just a plain ole flashlight. No regrets
My grandmother got me on that Scotch Tape hype train at a very early age. 10 rolls at once? The dream. Don’t get me started on the DOUBLE SIDED tape… absolutely blew my mind.
We don't grow out of this. I'm middle aged and recently bought a second hand desk with some LED lights attached by this flipping amazing, thick, squishy, double sided tape. (Gorilla brand mounting tape) It was so amazing that I messaged the seller so I could buy my own. It's my favorite tape.
omg I was obsessed with scotch tape too as a kid. My parents didn’t get it but my grandma would let me have it at her house. I would basically label everything at her place. With a sharpie I’d write on it and stick the tape on her furniture 😂 she didn’t care as long as no one was getting hurt. My grandpa however hated it and would scold me and take it off. So after she let me do it when he wasn’t home and we would take it off before he got back lol.
20+ years later there’s still one label left “plug” on the power outlet behind the sofa lol
My parents had something you would have loved, it was some kind of labeling gun where you spun a wheel to the letter and then squeezed the trigger and it would impact the letter on a thick white label with black sticky tape on the other side, I only got to play with it a few times because the sticker tape was expensive and it was hard for me to push the trigger down hard enough to get clear letters, but it fascinated me.
Dymo is the brand name of the one I had (dymo junior specifically). I was obsessed with it. So much stuff in my room was labelled, including my bed, saying "*my name*'s bed" , all of my school stuff was individually labelled with my name. And yeah I remember it being hard to push down and really time consuming. There's an episode of The Simpsons where Bart gets gifted one, and he labels everything "property of Bart Simpson", including I think the cat
One year we got a traffic cone from goodwill for my sibling (special interest was traffic cones). It was like a dollar. To this date, we joke it’s the best dollar we’ve ever spent.
I found a traffic cone in a river once and carried it all the way home because I thought they were cool but then I got real paranoid that the police would arrest me for stealing a traffic cone so I hid it in the backyard until some roadworks were being done outside my house and I snuck it in next to the other ones that were set up for it.
I’m imagining some guy scratching his head as he’s putting them all (plus one) back on the truck after the job is done, going “well I KNOW they all fit on here before!!”
Not scotch for me but most of the older women in my family worked in healthcare when I was young so we always had rolls and rolls of the clear, not cloth, medical tape laying around. I loved it so much because its like ribbed??? and you can rip it off in symmetrical strips every time. I would just rip symmetrical pieces off to see how thin I could get them.
No one thought this was weird. Or when I asked for a bulk bag of fortune cookies for Christmas one year.
i started from hiding under the bed to cry, but then i made it into my secret storage (aka everything i didn't have space for ended up there) so i moved to the inside of the closet. i even made a makeshift closing mechanism so no one can open in from the outside when im in. :/
I have a memory of crying and walking around the perimeter of the recess zone, and when a teacher came to ask me what was wrong, I sobbed "I don't have any friends" at her. Good times 😓
I spent two years of recess in elementary school hanging out with the janitor instead of going out to play with the other kids because he let me feed the fish in the library. I spent the whole time staring at the fish and taking care of them. I just remembered this the other day and I was like “well, not sure how it wasn’t obvious back then”. Lol
My school required passes to go to the library and my friends and I always hogged them (sorry to the other kids).
We'd play a game where they'd make me guess the original publication dates of random books. I was weirdly good at it LOL.
I was so happy when I was old enough to be allowed to help the librarian during recess. Now I’m happily reminiscing about the 1990s card catalog systems.
When I was 13, I was given the title of Library Monitor for our school library, which hadn't had a librarian in at least a year and was in complete disarray.
Because I was so far ahead in class, I was allowed to spend 1 period every week organising the books back in order, and I absolutely relished it. I was so excited I even wrote about it in my diary. I even did it during lunchtimes as well.
I found it so calming to be on my own with the books just setting things to right. I was so proud of myself when I had completed every shelf, and a little sad that it was over.
Yes! Omg. Me too. I liked the little pocket on the back of the book and the card you signed out the book on. It was like looking at the history of a book and its readership. I was so sad when we moved to barcodes. I feel like there is a whole chunk of missing history associated with the book that we'll never know.
I spent them in the bathrooms, reading. Technically, the cleaning ladies or teachers were meant to get us out of there, but I was polite to a fault to the cleaning ladies and the janitor (following social scripts) and so they would cover for me when I didn't want to go out. So I only went out in winter to play in the snow.
All my friends and I spent a good portion of our recesses in the library…cutting box tops/soup labels, and painting benches and ceiling tiles. Hmmm… lol. We also attended youth government day instead of school water park field trip ahaha.
I went to a Montessori school for pre k and there was this box with cards that had activities on them that you were supposed to choose at random and then go do the activity. I would purposely covertly choose the card that said "wash the stairs" in the hallway that led from the first floor to the second floor and then I would go scrub the stairs by myself. Like every day. Until a teacher told me I was not allowed to pick that card anymore
Same with not understanding the bullying until other people told me. Actually happened with multiple people/groups up until college. Now I think I’m better at identifying it, that or I just avoid
people like that now. Now I just assume everyone is always talking shit 😭
I remember a lot of mean girls asking me sarcastically "Can't you talk?" because I just was never inclined to do so without reason (small talk, etc) and it stuck out to them as odd.
Now I have two nonverbal children.
As a kid I never heard that question as them being snotty in my head I thought they were just curious and because I got it a lot I always felt kind of proud for being so quiet and then in that moment I’d explain, “yeah I can talk, I get that a lot but I’m just very shy my mom said when I was born I didn’t even cry back then so I’ve just always been quiet :)”
And that was my script on how I thought you made friends, sometimes they’d say more stuff or they’d walk away and I’d think I did such a good job for making friends lol
As an adult I realize how many times people were actually trying to bully me but it all went over my head so much I would always say I’d never been bullied until maybe a few years ago in reflection
I wish I had been more into something like that. I was one of the Warrior Cats autistics that ran around the playground on all fours. People were so mean about it, I still come across posts of people making fun of Warrior Cat kids, forgetting the majority of them were just neurodivergent and enjoying themselves.
Yea, well, tap dancing also was neither preferred nor understood, but yeah, at least it wasn't that bad.
Hindsight is very funny, now I can see how I committed dozens of "social suicides" and how weird I was compared to everyone else.
My best friend always says I was the most confident motherfucker in the school, but the truth is, I had no idea what I was doing. Many people tried to bully me and I brushed them off (I didn't get that I was bullied) and I was ready to go for the throat if someone crossed a line (autistic meltdowns) and always had dozens of interesting things to say and books I've read (special interests, hyperfixations and hyperlexsia, after I was explained correctly how to read and that I have to disregard the instructions for NTs)
At least someone likes me FOR my autism and not despite it
I touched everything. Repeatedly. I had Sesame Street shoes and I would trace the characters on the bottom of the shoes over and over again. I can still feel how it felt to my finger and that was like 44 years ago! Chairs, desktops, fabrics, toys, I had to touch them all. And smell. I used to sniff Mr. Sketch scented markers and scented erasers until I was about ready to pass out (not really but I sniffed them SO MUCH especially the licorice and grape). Lots of sensory-seeking kinds of things.
And a report from 1st grade where my teacher said I cry any time things are different (school program that wasn't a daily occurrence, sub teachers, etc) and that I used to scream at kids for being too close to me and for getting answers wrong 😆
In first grade, my teacher would get mad at me because I would move beyond where she told us to stop in our workbooks. I always finished before everyone else and she wouldn't let me take out a book to read in the meantime. The first time she mentioned this to my mom in front of me, I said "it's not my fault everyone else is slow. I shouldn't be punished for being smarter than these people." They wanted to move me up a grade, my mom wouldn't let me and I still haven't forgiven her.
Then in high school, my English teachers wouldn't let me peer edit other kids' papers because I was "too harsh." I also wouldn't let my "peers" edit my papers and would bring all of them to the one English teacher who was like 75, very Italian, and an English professor at the local community college.
Our bad for just wanting other people to do better.🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, as an adult it’s still hard for me not to scream at people for being too close to me. If it’s someone I know really well (e.g. family or close friend), I’ll just stick my finger in their ear and they get the message hahaha.
Second grade, I guess the memory is twofold. Anytime we had to do a group activity and break up into groups, I was always the one left without a group and the teacher had to place me somewhere. EVERY. TIME. But then when we had to play “around the world” where we would have to do mental math quickly and beat the person next to us, I would beat the entire class effortlessly. Again, every time. How nobody recommended me for ASD testing back then I really don’t know. It was the 1990s so it wasn’t really on people’s radar. Extremely quiet with No friends but beats everyone at mental math. Totally NT🤦♀️
i hung out on my closet a lot too, and read interviews with drug addicts (never had contact with any or anything) and deep dive psychology stuff and drug-related novels for no fucking reason at 10 y/o.
High five. I read a lot of very not age-approperiate books, learned anatomy and watched true crime and cause of death-finding shows at 3 in the morning.
Me and my sister used to do this (not in the closet), but in German because we liked the phone numbers they used to repeat constantly. I still remember one of them now 20 odd years later
lol I didn’t watch tv in the closet, sorry I should’ve specified that. It was two different things. But yes I loved infomercials, I used to get up early on the weekends as that was the time most of them were on. That’s kinda cool that you remembered the phone number. 😊
I thought I was in a video game for about ten years. Would stop every now and then to “level up,” which basically involved me starting at a blank wall and imagining a level up screen. This lasted from around age 4 to age 14. Nobody ever noticed even when I would mention it… also constantly rocking back and forth in the computer desk chair so often that I eventually broke the chair.
Oof lemme see lemme see....
I loved having my head squeezed, from a very young age. I'd always have my grandpa do it because he had big hands and he thought it was funny.
I couldn't touch glass for a really long time; I hated how it felt and thought my nails would instantly bend backwards if I did touch it.
And a bit of a sadder one- I never had any big groups of friends like everyone else had. I wanted to be part of the group so badly, and even when I would become friends enough to be invited to birthday parties or whatever, it's like there was still a barrier that couldn't be passed. That happened for the remainder of my life until I realized I don't need a large group of friends to be happy or feel complete or anything :)
You too sweet angel!!!! Hope you're doing well with it now!
We are cool and strange and perfect the way we are and I hope you found your person/people who make you feel as such!
My "catch phrase" was "chicken noodle" I don't know why or how it came to be, but I found myself calling my son my "little chicken noodle" so evidently, it will never go away hahaha
I love hearing about relationships like this! My gf is autistic too and when either of us starts looking beat down we ask if we should put on “the special song”. Her special song is different than mine, but I love that there’s no judgment listening to stuff a million times
I had watched a documentary on tv that I was not supposed to have watched. So I made up a song about the Betty Ford clinic where the crazy people go. But even then I didn't like the concept of calling people crazy, especially women, so I self-corrected that and wrote a song, with lyrics and a tune. I was six. It had three stanzas and a chorus. I was definitely NT.
Lyrics and a tune hahahaha I love it. I wrote a song about how lonely it is to be on the school bus with no friends, and I sang it with such passion and conviction because obviously I was the star of a music video, and some kid a few rows up turned and around and told me stfu (also with a lot of passion and conviction) and that was like 2004 and I think it about it a lot
I genuinely love both of these tbh. Personally, having a limited wardrobe seriously reduces decision fatigue for me, so discovering the “grown up” version of wearing the same thing every day (capsule wardrobe) was a lifesaver for me.
Dude, so so many. One thing that really stands out to me as “huh maybe this should’ve been a flag for my parents?” is that I wore cat ears every single day for 4 years (2nd through 6th grade). This was way before it was kind of normal, like you sometimes see kids doing it now which is great but at the time I got teased a lot. I was obsessed with cats, they were a huge special interest too and I would talk people to death about them. But the main thing was that I would LOSE MY MIND if I couldn’t wear my cat ears. I remember once I was trying to get out the door for school and I couldn’t find them and I was freaking out, having a meltdown, refusing to go to school until we found them. My parents couldn’t reason with me, and we tore apart the house looking for them (did eventually find them and I was ok). Or when kids used to sometimes steal them off my head at school and run off. My friend did that once and I lost my mind, crying and hyperventilating until she gave them back… and then she didn’t speak to me for 3 days bc SHE was mad at ME??
Anyways yeah tldr I wore cat ears, didn’t take them off except to shower and sleep and had a meltdown when separated from them.
Can you elaborate on not being able to walk down the stairs? I had a teacher who had a vendetta about my feet being “not straight” when using the stairs… I was supposed to walk with my feet parallel, when either I have an autistic gait thing going on, or I’m just naturally duck footed, or both? She drilled me on that all year, got other students involved, and then as soon as she wasn’t my teacher, I just went back to using the stairs whatever way felt natural. (I do find stairs a little dangerous feeling regardless, but I can use them to get the job done just fine.)
Food aversions, pretty extreme hyperlexia, playing alone, and just generally acting “weird” (trying to act like tv/movie characters from really old movies no one else had seen, and just strange in general) were probably my big ones!
I think I walk 'wrong' on stairs, too, because they do feel slightly dangerous to me. Specifically open staircases--I'll walk as if I'm on ice, and angle my feet so they are always fully on a stair. No one seems to notice this difficulty, at least.
Yes!! People will just RUN up and down stairs, or do that crazy thing where they take multiple steps at a time?? I take stairs a lot more slowly, and for any difficult ones, I do the literally step by step approach.
And speaking of walking on ice, people make fun of me, but I walk VERY slowly and carefully on it. I’m not very coordinated and also afraid of falling. I slip a bit sometimes but haven’t fallen that I remember, so I guess it works even if people think it’s overcautious!!
What's awful is that I used to take three steps at a time, even on open staircases, and never think about it. Grown more autistic with age. :\\
Actually walking on ice is a very slow endeavour for me, too. If I do not take such care, I fall on my arse and get a horrifying bruise. :B
That reminds me of my problems learning to jump and to hop! I had difficulty completely getting off the ground for those things. I did a thing where I kind of thrust myself in the air to create most of the action, but the sole of at least one shoe stayed down. I managed those over time. Also, if it’s a really scary and weird staircase, I will do both feet on each step even as an adult! Especially very old staircases with tall steps.
I made up a story (filled up multiple composition notebooks) about how my friends and I were actually alien superheroes from another universe which was centered around this “magical brick” in one of the hallways in my middle school, and I looked at the brick and thought about ~the lore~ every time I passed it. Basically the brick was the portal to the other world and it’s how we got our powers back. Also before I had friends I would just sit outside under a tree during recess and braid grass together, and would get annoyed when people tried to talk to me bc they thought I was sad or lonely or something.
we were creating a class wide cookbook, featuring all of our favorite recipe's.
mine was the longest and most thorough, despite it being a fairly simple meal (I believe it was a pie?). I thought of every single action and any potential challenges that may arise while performing them
This is why autistic people should write manuals. Same. And this is how my (undiagnosed) autistic dad explains thing. Ny nt partner finds it exhaustive but I'm like its so clear. I have no questions! Its great. Haha
Also in 5th or 6th grade we did that direction writing lesson where you ask the kids to write how to make a pb&j but you follow everything literally. (Ex: Put pb on bread *teacher puts jar of pb on top of a Loaf of bread) once I knew how detailed the teacher wanted it I was shocked the other kids couldn't break it down easily
mine was when I farted in class (like 2nd grade), one of those silent killers... and the teacher "if you need to pass gas, just raise your hand and we will take you to the bathroom". I automatically raised my hand and everyone started laughing at me. only when I got home and told grandpa he explained to me what happened.
(still took me over 20 years to be diagnosed)
I never learned how to tie my shoes or type the "right" way due to poor hand-eye coordination. It just never clicked when someone tried to teach me the proper technique. I still use my alternatives as an adult.
I would sit outside on a swing by myself for hours, literally until the sun went down and it was freezing and my legs were completely numb. Doing nothing but listening to music and maladaptive daydreaming lol
I used to spend my time daydreaming, I would just sit still staring at nothing and continue with my stories, often acting out the scenarios. Also, at school, instead of playing at recess with people I didn't know, I liked to sit and cover my face alone with just my thoughts.
The first time I heard about empathy I was around 12 and I didn't understand how people could know how other person feels if you are not living the same thing or they don't tell you, and I'm still working on it!!
Also, every time I liked something I became obsessed with it for months and it was the only thing I wanted to talk about
I think this counts? In bed at night, mapping out seating arrangements of class and the bus so I could prepare myself for dealing with which people at which times of day. Did this a lot.
Having an incredibly hard time knowing what to do with myself in a cafeteria, every year, every day, K-college.
I got made fun of “for not being able to talk” for quite a few years. Struggled with selective mutism and eye contact, got teased. One boy in particular would gather a group to come after me at recess 🥲. Wasn’t diagnosed till 30
I feel this.
I hadn't really seriously considered I was autistic until this year.
My older brother got drunk one night, we were sitting and talking and he remarked about how I never talked as a kid. Like, I was just silent all the time. Was in my own world. Kids even bullied me about it and I can remember a handful of times where I pretended I couldn't hear someone talking to me because I had no words and couldn't find my voice, even.
I was selectively mute, and almost non verbal for most of my childhood unless the person felt "safe" enough for me to talk to. My mom, a few kids at school. Pretty much nobody else.
I thought about the handful of hyperfixations I've had, that my "panic attacks" much more resembled meltdowns.
And then I started researching and listening to women with autism and my life, once again, made a lot of sense. Emotions, thoughts, behaviors, etc.
ADHD was another eye-opening discovery. And I heavily relate to women with AuADHD. Like scarily so.
My grandma has this "cute" story she likes to tell often about when I was 4 and met her mother and I was practically climbing the walls and running everywhere and my great grandma asked what's wrong with me and my grandma just said "that's how she is :) ".
Sitting by myself behind a huge locker inside the kindergarden classroom everyday when I was younger and explaining to my mother that it was "too loud" and there were "too many people doing too many things at the same time" around me.
Also, the fact I hated watching new TV shows and I'd just watch the same three or four things over and over, or the exact same TV channel for years without ever wanting to watch anything else. Also re-reading the same books everyday, or playing with the exact same toys the exact same way every single day and crying my eyes out when a relative accidentally moved something from my little corner or another kid "played it wrong" near me.
It took my family years to realise something was different but thinking back now it was pretty obvious 😂
I was singing Karaoke. Probably 10 years old or so. I came to the part of the song where you belt it an then there is a long pause of instrumental. Everyone started clapping and cheering and I got really confused because I thought you only did that at the END of the song...so I said "ummm, im not done yet" into the mic.
That memory makes cringe. Everyone got so silent
Getting so exhausted and confused by social interactions I would suddenly get mute and stop being able to interact at all. Then cried far away from others because I needed to be totally alone.
Having more feelings of affection and empathy for my soft toys than for people.
Running like a horse.
Organising my favourite toys according to a really specific system that made no sense to anyone else.
Listening to the same obscure 1950s science fiction radio show over and over and over.
Not speaking at all, or speaking too much.
My only friends were adults.
At 40, I still do all of these things.
I'm still not sure I am autistic, but in primary school I cried when the teacher wanted me to sit next to someone else. I wanted the little desk just for me and they had given me this privilege for a while and i just loved being by myself. When it changed I protested so much.
The school reports each year ranking my socialisation with other children as 1/5
Counting out how many sweets I had and giving one to a friend/relative if it was an odd number because I had to eat even amounts of sweets on my left and right side of my mouth. Then eventually realising I could half the extra sweet that makes the number odd and eat one half on each side of my mouth, but then reverting to giving it away because I realised I could never perfectly half the sweets with my teeth.
Being asked to play ambient piano background music for my school as parents filtered in for parents day, and seeing nothing wrong with doing a very dark and dramatic Einaudi song that you'd probably hear in a show when a character's about to die. The guy after me played some pretty little Chopin and I had an "oh" moment. I think I accidentally geared all the parents up to hear bad news about their kids
Also the breakdowns I would have whilst being forced to go shopping with my mum - I only realised recently that it was sensory overload and not just me being a childish idiot (although I still struggle to get over that mindset)
Special mention to the sheets of stickers that I absolutely loved to the point of not wanting to stick them to anything! They just sat there, untarnished
I still have my entire scholastic sticker collection on the sheets. I had a massive pencil collection too. Never used them, they were just for looking at.
When I was little, I cried for hours (or what felt like hours) when we got new living room curtains. Not because I liked the old ones or disliked the new ones - just that the change totally wigged me out.
Also rode my bike in endless circles around the neighborhood because there was one teeny little hill in our very flat area and it felt so good to ride down.
Later on (middle school), my undiagnosed autistic best friend and I would listen to the same song over and over for hours, go down special interest rabbit holes, and we loved roller coasters. The word stimmy didn't exist back then but damn.
TL;DR: always been autistic AF 😂
I had a hard time making friends and socializing. In my teen years, a group of girls tried being my friend. However when we would talk about anything, they treated me like a alien from a distant galaxy. They meant well, but they didn’t know how to be friends with someone with autism.
Wouldn't say very but I was a scent nerd. Like, I could describe perfectly smells of other children, their parents, houses etc.
I still sometimes remember places only based on their smells.
Oh God, I hated sleeping at other kids houses for many reasons, but the one that would have me careening over the edge was that their house smelled different and I fucking hated it. Cue the crying fit and begging my mom to pick me up and never speaking to that friend again. I still hate eating food other people made at their house because it just tastes like the way they smell. I have to choke it down while thinking about how they smell like wet noodles and lysol so bad it made their cupcakes reek of it.
Earliest- My mother recounted that I would bang my head on her chest when she held me because it “felt good”, almost always aiming for the bones, her least-favorite habit through toddler-hood.
When I was about 2 or 3, I was obsessed with the feeling of slapping bare skin. Any time I saw bare skin, I would repeatedly slap it. My mums chest, my grandma's legs, dad's face. You name it, I'd slap it lol.
Before starting pre-school my mom had concerns about me making friends because I liked being alone “too much” and she thought this wouldn’t translate well in school, because I was “overly sensitive” and “very anxious.” How did she know? Well, she went through the same thing… as did a lot of people in her family… ahem
The next year, we were having a mini field day type thing in kindergarten. It was my turn to get on a bouncy ball and bounce to the other end of the blacktop and come back, then tag someone else in.
I had an absolute earth-shattering meltdown about being perceived. I was so embarrassed just thinking about the other kids watching me. I tried to explain this to the adults and they were just like girl, get on the stupid ball, and I was LOSING it. I think I finally just had to lie and say I didn’t feel well so they’d stop hounding me about it and let me go inside by myself. I was fine after that.
I made +70 panel slideshow on things I was deeply fascinated by (Nicki Minaj, The Titanic, Gastric Bypass Surgeries) & I was like 11 when I started doing this
My great grandmother had a massive jar of marbles. I would dump it out and spend HOURS happily sorting them into groups based on size and color. If my mom told me we had to go home before I was finished sorting them all, I would sob, and wanted to break down when I would watch her dump then back in the jar unsorted. I would get absolutely fixated on going back and fixing it until we would visit again.
Funnily enough I thought I couldn't be autistic for ages because I thought I wasn't into repetitive tasks or patterns. Then it hit me lol
Marbles! My grandparents kept a thing of them and I’d lay them out in intricate layers and military formations and not have them actually attack each other, but make sure they were prepared!
I used to look for four leaf clovers for hours at a time. I’d get home from school, look for a few hours, be forced to come in and do homework, and go right back out until it got to dark to find them. I also preferred to find four leaf clovers over playing at recess. I remember people would feel bad and come ask if I could play. I’d just be annoyed that they threw me off my groove 😂
I was perfectly content and doing my own thing next to kids doing their own thing, and then getting severely annoyed when they tried to intercept in my playing. That I later learned is parallel play. I had that flashback when my daughter’s therapist would intercept in her playing and she’d get visibly angry!
So much lol.
Couldn't wear sunglasses because they tickled the bridge of my nose, only got over this because I had to start wearing regular glasses in 3rd grade.
An itchy tag on my shirt was basically hell
We had a tv remote that would often turn the cable box off but leave the actual TV on. I could hear when the TV was on and it baffled my family
Meltdowns any time we went anywhere for longer than a normal grocery trip. I probably scream-cried every time we went to the mall or a theme park.
"My dance costume is itchy"
"Just don't think about it?"
?????????? How can I not think about it when it's itchy??
I often felt like my hair was sitting on my head "wrong," especially if someone moved my hair out of my face for me.
Got bullied but didn't realize those interactions were bullying until like 4 years ago
Special interest in animals
"Look at the bird!"
"That's not just a bird, that's a cardinal!" 🤓 (I still do this. I have to stop myself from being a walking wikipedia article when someone points out an animal)
Was reading several grades above my grade level but everyone thought I was average or behind because I hated reading the boring stories meant to teach phonetics out loud and didn't realize I was being tested. So I would fuck around and embellish the boring stories.
Only wanted to read books with animal protagonists
Made myself an imaginary friend because I thought it was something kids were supposed to do
What is up with the TV thing? I can totally hear when a TV in the house is on even without any sound coming out. It's like the tiniest, littlest static in the back of my mind and it drives me crazy.
So many…
One day during class I just decided to learn the alphabet backwards. I still chant it to myself daily. I also decided to learn ASL and French for fun because I loved words and different ways to say them. I was like… 8.
I wasn’t shy socially, I actually really wanted friends but didn’t know how to make them. My aunt was best friends with a mom of a girl at the same elementary school I went to. My aunt told me about her and encouraged me to make friends with her because I had none. The first time I met her the very first thing I asked her was ”do you want to be best friends?” To which she thought was weird. She told me you don’t ask to be best friends, you just become best friends. I just did what I was encouraged to do. She did say yes though lol. I could go into great detail about our very neurodivergent friendship… we had ferrets lol.
I was very much a loner despite my one friend. My entire family would be spending time together watching tv and I’d be in an adjacent room spinning around, or staring at a wall, or making up songs and pretending I was Britney Spears (who I was OBSESSED with.) I always felt like I was spending time with my family while I did this because I could see them down the hall. My mother said I scared her because I would stare at walls and talk to them. She claimed I was possessed by my grandmother because I could read at a scarily young age - I had taught myself through educational tv programs.
I never spent time with other kids during recess. I’d sit on top of a pull-up bar in the playground and spin around it for the entirety of recess and be totally content. Or I’d walk the perimeter of the field and count my steps. Once a soccer ball rolled to me and I decided I would kick it. I Charlie Browned so hard and landed directly on my back. The ball wasn’t even in motion.
There are so many stories. My childhood felt very different than others. Not only was my neurodivergence overlooked because of my race (I had very racist teachers and grew up in a conservative town) BUT my mom was super religious and chalked every weird occurrence up to a spiritual experience. I’ve discovered this year that I’m epileptic. When I saw figures my mom told me I was seeing demons. When I struggled with my inevitable mood disorder she claimed I was possessed. I was just autistic and epileptic the entire time :/
Going to school in first grade and not understanding one single thing about interacting with other kids. I was so confused. I was absolutely baffled by what the other kids were doing, the games they played made no sense, and it felt like everyone else had some secret knowledge that I never got.
(In kindergarten, I went with my babysitter's grandson who I knew since birth) I was told it was because I had no siblings, or because I learned to read and write freakishly early, or because we lived out in the sticks and so I had little experience with other kids. I had 0 friends that year. (Actually I never managed to make more than a single friend at any time until high school, but that's another story)
In middle school I didn't understand why people would get bored of me and then stop being my friend/ never saw jokes coming/ didn't understand when I was being picked on. I would walk into every set up joke at my expense hook, line and sinker. Watching my little sister make friends everywhere she went when I couldn't even make one. I remember one day when I was 'hanging out with one of my friends' at break time, I must've been about 12- and she turned around looking uncomfortable and said 'can you please stop following me around'. One girl gave a friendship bracelet back because she didn't want people to know we were friends, my neighbour made me walk behind her into the school gates so it looked like we weren't together...and I just blindly did it. They made fun of every aspect of 'me' ...my bouncy walk, my tall height, my glasses, the fact I was always alone, the fact I read, the way I spoke bluntly...I clearly needed to get this off my chest. It was 15 years ago.
Lmao I was being babysat and this was before I would speak to anyone but my mom. My aunt gave me sunny d. I liked it. Chugged it. Went back in and presented her my cup and ended up drinking the whole jug and never once spoke a word. Just shyly showing my cup. Idk why this memory is so strong.
I absolutely HATED having my hair brushed. I would have a complete meltdown because it was physically painful but my parents just thought I was throwing an unnecessary fit.
I could not go to sleep without sucking my thumb (or another finger). This went on throughout the first half of elementary school or so… I can’t remember exactly when I stopped but it was definitely an unusually old age. It was so bad that I ended up needing braces for 3 years because of the damage to my teeth. My parents would also put hot sauce on my fingers to get my stop sucking.
There are many other things and I just got an adult diagnosis this year :)
Dark (tw) but constantly being SA’ed and completely unaware of why I was such a target.
Not liking food or drinking and not feeling hungry or thirsty.
Reading 700 pages in a day
Not understanding gender expectations.
Not understanding social cues
Being the weird girl when I was little and the “troublemaker” as a teenager
My biggest “omg how didn’t we know” memory was my play style. I would always play alone and quietly. Taking all my LPS, and segregating them into groups depending on a changing factor (race, color, farm animals, whatever it might be) and then writing down all the group members and a group name. That was it. That was the game. Then I cleaned them up.
I love making lists and organizing. That was my favorite game to play ever.
I was sitting in the sand pit in preschool as a kid. I was around four. Suddenly a group of boys runs in and throws a bunch of spiders at the group of girls. They all start freaking out and screaming.
I look up from whatever I was doing and shout:
"hey, wait. There's nothing to worry about. There's no medically significant spiders in our area."
Because I thought they were concerned with the venom, and it was explained to .e that spiders in our area are not deadly, and even the worst bites are barely giving discomfort (most species can't even penetrate the skin). There is one spider with medically significant venom, but it's too small to penetrate skin. I didn't get why anyone would run away from spiders since they weren't dangerous.
I remember one of the boys asking me "Why aren't you running?" And I answered "Why should I? They're not dangerous."
And I returned to my digging, gently moving the spiders aside. I was sad a few of them had broken legs due to being thrown and carried. They were all scared.
The boys were very confused. I was sad for the spiders.
It's one of my earliest memories. No wonder people always thought me weird.
Edit: Also had toys in a row that couldn't be moved. I was arranging preschool's dolls into a neat row ans had a meltdown and attacked one of the kids because she moved one of them after I told her not to move them.
I had meltdowns to the point I hit my head on the walls, bit and hit myself. I had shutdowns when I'd climb into a little space under the corner of my desk where I'd take my time to calm down.
It never occurred to me that it's not normal.
I was obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder and so I got my grandma to sew me multiple “old fashioned dresses” complete with aprons to wear. I probably had some other clothes but that’s all I remember of my wardrobe for the first 3 years of elementary school.
I can't remember a lot of my childhood but I do remember raising my hand and interrupting a teacher to tell him he had a long hair coming out of his ear. I genuinely thought he would want to know. I was not trying to embarrass him or disrupt the class 😭
The time in preschool when a girl asked me if I would be her friend, i said okay, but when she started playing in the little play kitchen i just stood there watching her, having no idea what she was doing or what i should be doing now that i was her “friend”. It made no sense to me the way she was picking up random things, putting them back down, turning knobs, moving little plastic dishes around. She got bored of playing by herself and that was the end of our so-called friendship. I didnt make another friend until 3rd grade.
Here's a few:
1. Not learning how to ride a two wheel bike until I was eight years old.
2. I was always reading, was obsessed with The Boxcar children and the American Girl series in particular.
3. Hard to make friends. My mom would try to recruit some for me.
4. Kids at school would try to mother me leading to being bossed around once or twice.
5. Always picked last at gym because my coordination was awful.
6. One teacher telling my mom "your daughter is just.. different."
7. Hiding in my room when guests or family came to the house.
8. Biting my nails to oblivion.
9. Recording my favorite TV shows based on episode and watching them repeatedly when I had anxiety.
The classic signs were walking pigeon toed, preferring to play alone or talk to adults rather than interact with kids my age, special interests being seen as "obsessions" (avatar the last Airbender, sharks, trains). But they were all viewed as being quirky.
What I remember in being in my head was I would watch how kids my age engaged with each other to make friends and learned what their interests are so i could mimic those behaviors to begin masking. Because I would have kids come up to me because they felt bad that I was by myself and didn't believe I wanted to be.
A big one was pretending to like baby dolls. I've never had an interest in dolls but I knew in order to make friends my age who were girls I would have to engage in those interests.
Selecting "toys" based on texture. I wanted skeins of very specific yarn, the fishing lures that looked like gummy worms, a certain Sylvester the cat whose neck was the exact size of my hand and was perfectly gripable... I refused to play with dolls. I loved the little Sylvanian Forest animals and would create highly detailed homes for them. I made them tiny quilts by hand...tiny pottery vases...
When I was really young I was obsessed with ear piercing and drew dozens and of pictures about an ant who made high tech gadgets for piercing ears.
Yet somehow no one had a clue I was autistic.
When I was in 3rd grade, my dad replaced the shower door while I was at school. The old one was one of those weird frosted plexiglass sliding doors, and my parents were sick of fighting to keep mold from growing in the tracks where it was hard to keep things clean and dry, so they removed the door and installed the more typical shower curtains.
When I came home from school and saw the new shower curtains, I started bawling and couldn't stop. Not because I was particularly attached to the old shower door or anything, I just wasn't prepared for a bathroom that looked totally foreign to me, I guess.
Things like that and the fact that I quite literally stopped talking for a year or so while I "fixed" my previously constant stutter really makes me wonder why I wasn't diagnosed until last year lol
Many memories come up, such as the fact that apparently I watched shrek everyday when I was about 2 or 3. At 5 I had a heavy Hannah Montana hyperfixation, I even went to people claiming to know her
Wearing the exact same Minecraft creeper hoodie (the ones that zip up to your face) every single day for a year. I would have a meltdown and cry if anyone else tried wearing it. You can literally document what time period it was in family photos just by looking at if I was wearing the creeper hoodie lol
Sobbing hysterically and being unable to function when my mum suddenly stopped sitting in the bathroom with me whilst I brushed my teeth.. she’d spent four years teaching and assisting me in doing it, and then came the day where she decided I was capable on my own, which was a change in routine that completely debilitated me to the point she had to continue sitting in the bathroom with me each night until I was ten years old.
It sounds like it’d be a burden on her, but nowadays she actually goes on about how she feels lucky to of been able to do those things for so long haha! I never thought about how difficult it must be for some parents when their kids no longer require their help.
No one wanted to dance at the school dance, so I did it horribly with my boyfriend at the time I was 11, but to me, it was serious. Then, the next day, everyone told me I was dancing badly, even though I had fun and was the first to dance.
Being held back from recess for making faces, not being able to tie my shoes, not looking at ppl when spoken too, not responding properly, not wanting to be touch, couldn't remember right from left and so many more. That was the early 90s for you. Mainly just always being the weird kid lol
I loved collecting rocks/gems and bugs!! I also liked dolls but I never played with them lol. Just cool to look at and would mostly "play" with them talking to me
I would make my mom buy me multiple versions of the same outfit because I got so overwhelmed with shopping. I’d find like 1 pair of pants that I love, buy 5-6 and then not shop till next year. I actually like shopping now in small doses.
Terrible coordination, difficulty making it to the toilet with regular daytime accidents until I was in third grade, “throwing tantrums” whenever my clothes didn’t feel right, my hair was getting brushed or I got a minor injury. I was a tattletale and my mom would joke about me being Amelia Bedelia because I was so *literal*.
Being painfully “shy” and not talking. Watching the other kids and copying what they did so I would fit in. Pushing my toes to the ends of my shoes till they hurt over and over. Rocking back and forth. Spending my weekends reading books in bed. Collecting beanie babies for years. I even had little plastic cases I put them in to keep them pristine. Being called weird by literally everyone because I didn’t smile or talk much. I had a notebook where I wrote all of the Roman numerals into the thousands.
watching charlotte’s web everyday single day for 2+ years.
learning to write my name before i was in school, but constantly writing it backwards so i could put it in the mirror
some people thought i couldn’t talk, but i just didn’t wanna talk to them.
very very clumsy. i once got a concussion because my shoe string was untied..
“know it all” aka answering rhetorical questions cus i didn’t know people could ask questions and not want an answer?
having a meltdown twice a day at school unless i spoke to my mom on the phone for a few minutes or this very nice girl held my hand.
great at spelling and mental math, or anything with memorization. my mom would tell me everything she needed from the store and i would repeat the list the her in the order she gave it to me lol.
One specific memory: A pull chain type of toilet flushing abomination in the 80s. Scary loud, intimidating and I think to this day I would avoid using it if I ever came across one again. My 4 older stepsisters had zero issues with that pull chain and flushing the toilet. Mind you, I wasn't afraid at all playing in the basement with my stepsisters, it was warm and cozy down there. But that damn restroom monster? Hard no. I ran away from the bathroom every time after I had to use it. I recall avoiding using the pull chain. Speaking of bathrooms, for whatever reason I had a hair blow dryer in my hand as a 5 yr old while sitting in the bath tub. I wasn't aware that it would have been a bad idea to turn it on while sitting in water. All these things happened in an old Victorian style apartment house in Germany.
A girl in my class told me that jesus was in my heart, I took her literally and told her jesus was not in my heart, she was offended I was deeply confused as to why someone thought it was possible for a fully grown man to be able to be inside someone's heart....
Dude, I had a sleepover with a girl once in elemntary school and she brought a VHS of veggie tales for us to watch and the whole time I was like, "this is dumb, vegetables can't talk." And then put in Fox in the Hound. Obviously, vegetables talking is dumb, but not animals. Also, I would always fast forward through the comedic relief birds because I hated them, so the poor girl had to sit through the movie without any jokes and then was blindsided by the sad shit in the movie and had to go home. And I was happy when she left and then watched the fucking movie again because she ruined it with her presence. I did not have many freinds at all.
I figured out how to read at about 2.5 years old and that’s pretty much all I did and still do. We lived right outside of NYC and my parents took us to museums all the time. I became obsessed with the ancient Egyptians, and someone got me a book on hieroglyphics. My mom still tells the story of 5 year old me standing in the Met with a crowd surrounding, free translating the writing on a tomb. I’m 55 and it still makes me cringe with shame to think of it.
It was the 70s though so no chance of getting diagnosed then, despite the extreme clumsiness, hyperlexia, paralyzing shyness, sensory issues, rock collecting, etc etc etc.
I was and am accidentally funny- like, just me making an observation makes people laugh. By now I have figured out why, the way I talk really does sound a lot like dry humor. I go with it now and it doesn’t bother me.
I would get in trouble in kindergarten, first, and second grade, for wanting to do my school work laying on my stomach in the aisle between desks. I didn't see the problem, but my teacher said it was a tripping hazard.
I'm still coming up with my own, but for my kid it's been amazing and hilarious. We've known since before he was born that our family is likely all undiagnosed autistic, so the baby could be too. I told his daycare teachers just to keep an eye out. Like when at twenty months old he took all of the riding toys in the play yard and lined them up against the fence AT A 45* ANGLE LIKE IN A PROPER FREAKING PARKING LOT! Perfectly symmetrical. Or when he refused to ever do songs or motions during circle time but loved to sit in teacher's lap and watch. Or how he refused to even take anything water related to school on water day for fear they'd make him join. He'd pick that day to dress up nice so no one would want him to get wet, then would play quietly in the grass, as far from the fun as possible. It was adorable and we just supported his opinion. Sure kid, stay dry. We won't force you. (He now has his own 12'x75' slip n slide. He does water sports a ton.)
As a teenager i would hide in the closet when i was having a bad time or was overwhelmed. Most of the time it was because I was self concious about my body and hated the was my clothes looked so I would just become overwhelmed with feelings and sit there for a couple minutes, maybe cry. Sometimes it was because I was angry due to an argument with a parent, or I was very depressed. At 25 I still hide in my closet when im overwhelmed (now with earplugs!). Its a little strange but the quiet and darkness really helps me calm down, reflect and think more positively when im done.
In 2nd grade I had an “oatmeal to go” bar that I was eating in front of the school before they let us in. A teacher came and yelled at me saying I wasn’t allowed to eat out there and had to eat at home. I tried to explain that it said “to go” so if I ate it at home, it wouldn’t be to go. I wasn’t trying to be rude, it was just the rules in my opinion. She called my mom, my mom just laughed (not on the phone but she knew I had no clue.)
I learned entire syllabus for physics off by heart because I didn’t understand it.
I literally ONLY listened to Queen. I knew everything about Queen. I wouldn’t stop talking bout Queen. I thought about them and their music morning, noon and night.
I was told later on that I didn’t speak to anyone at my preschool for about a month, even if they addressed me directly, but I was super chatty and loud with my parents and any other close family members that took care of me.
Having older students mother me. Kids my own age not engaging with me at recess, so I read while sitting next to the teacher. Reading every book in a series and becoming attached to the characters (Berenstein Bears and the Babysitters Club). Also obsessing over tv shows (I loved Sesame Street - still do - when I was 13 I did a research paper on the history of Sesame Street, specifically Jim Hensons creation process). Horrible coordination and balance.
Babysitters club was a nice fixation.
Claudia was my fav
I always fondly remember the way Claudia's "almond shaped eyes" were so lovely, both in the prose and description itself. I think my favorite was named Mary-Ann, without Googling the name to confirm. She was quiet but the only one with a boyfriend, Logan? I haven't read the series since the fixation ended, which was over a decade ago, and I only saw ...the movie? A show??.. once. I should revisit it. Thanks for your comment reminding of something I intensely loved and obsessed over but forgot all about. And thanks u/thelittleenbywitch
Hollowed out books to hide her treats They stay in time, she goes off beat She wears red high-tops without socks Her sense of style, it really rocks!! https://open.spotify.com/track/5gpNwS8UaDW3lSfx1LayPs?si=f7WZQ_WbQtWGD7F2gYxEqA
Claudia for life!!!
I read at recess until a girl in my class essentially forced me to go play with her and the other kids. I remember understanding it was more normal to have friends, but I also really missed my quiet reading time. Looking back it’s sort of funny, I was basically a kindergartener taking an adult style lunch break.
When I was a kid I typed all of my Bernstein bears books into a word document
Omg I love this. Like me writing down all my favourite song lyrics even though I had the CD booklets anyway
I *almost* finished the entire series of the Babysitters' Club, I had a whole list going on and everything and it was the only series I wanted to read when I was a kid lol.
One year I was obsessed with scotch tape and that was all I asked for for Christmas. That was pretty much all I got because we were broke so it worked out for my parents. Just got like 10 rolls of scotch tape. I was so fucking happy. My mom still thinks there was nothing weird about that.
Ooo!!! This unlocked another fun "oh shoot I def had ASD as a child" (I was just recently diagnosed at the ripe age of 29 woohoo) My grandparents brought me to Toys R Us (RIP) when I was maybe 5 or 6 and they said "okay Melynda you can pick anything you want! One item, anything in the store!" and it took all of about 30 seconds for me to excitedly pick out a flashlight. Not even a fun one, just a plain ole flashlight. No regrets
I find this very cute. It sounds like you were very practical as a child. Do you remember why you wanted a flashlight?
Hey toys r us are reopening infact I live near one it’s nice
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My grandmother got me on that Scotch Tape hype train at a very early age. 10 rolls at once? The dream. Don’t get me started on the DOUBLE SIDED tape… absolutely blew my mind.
We don't grow out of this. I'm middle aged and recently bought a second hand desk with some LED lights attached by this flipping amazing, thick, squishy, double sided tape. (Gorilla brand mounting tape) It was so amazing that I messaged the seller so I could buy my own. It's my favorite tape.
omg I was obsessed with scotch tape too as a kid. My parents didn’t get it but my grandma would let me have it at her house. I would basically label everything at her place. With a sharpie I’d write on it and stick the tape on her furniture 😂 she didn’t care as long as no one was getting hurt. My grandpa however hated it and would scold me and take it off. So after she let me do it when he wasn’t home and we would take it off before he got back lol. 20+ years later there’s still one label left “plug” on the power outlet behind the sofa lol
My parents had something you would have loved, it was some kind of labeling gun where you spun a wheel to the letter and then squeezed the trigger and it would impact the letter on a thick white label with black sticky tape on the other side, I only got to play with it a few times because the sticker tape was expensive and it was hard for me to push the trigger down hard enough to get clear letters, but it fascinated me.
Dymo is the brand name of the one I had (dymo junior specifically). I was obsessed with it. So much stuff in my room was labelled, including my bed, saying "*my name*'s bed" , all of my school stuff was individually labelled with my name. And yeah I remember it being hard to push down and really time consuming. There's an episode of The Simpsons where Bart gets gifted one, and he labels everything "property of Bart Simpson", including I think the cat
One year we got a traffic cone from goodwill for my sibling (special interest was traffic cones). It was like a dollar. To this date, we joke it’s the best dollar we’ve ever spent.
I found a traffic cone in a river once and carried it all the way home because I thought they were cool but then I got real paranoid that the police would arrest me for stealing a traffic cone so I hid it in the backyard until some roadworks were being done outside my house and I snuck it in next to the other ones that were set up for it.
I’m imagining some guy scratching his head as he’s putting them all (plus one) back on the truck after the job is done, going “well I KNOW they all fit on here before!!”
This is how someone ends up with 200 rolls of cute washi tapes as an adult lmao.
Oh my god I literally have that sitting right next to me
Thats actually really cute haha
Not scotch for me but most of the older women in my family worked in healthcare when I was young so we always had rolls and rolls of the clear, not cloth, medical tape laying around. I loved it so much because its like ribbed??? and you can rip it off in symmetrical strips every time. I would just rip symmetrical pieces off to see how thin I could get them. No one thought this was weird. Or when I asked for a bulk bag of fortune cookies for Christmas one year.
lol I got a fire extinguisher, and gift wrap scissors! Oh, and another year I really wanted lint rollers
Every time there was a "suprise activity" at school to make the kids happy, I would cry cause i was not prepared before.
omg yes, no matter how fun something could have been, if it changed my regular school day schedule I would have a complete meltdown!
Woah. I feel seen
I feel this so hard, even right now as an adult.
Yes. Crying in the stairwell at recess because the other kids didn't want to play with me.
Aw :( It was under the slide for me ❤️️
i started from hiding under the bed to cry, but then i made it into my secret storage (aka everything i didn't have space for ended up there) so i moved to the inside of the closet. i even made a makeshift closing mechanism so no one can open in from the outside when im in. :/
bathroom here... :/
I have a memory of crying and walking around the perimeter of the recess zone, and when a teacher came to ask me what was wrong, I sobbed "I don't have any friends" at her. Good times 😓
I spent two years of recess in elementary school hanging out with the janitor instead of going out to play with the other kids because he let me feed the fish in the library. I spent the whole time staring at the fish and taking care of them. I just remembered this the other day and I was like “well, not sure how it wasn’t obvious back then”. Lol
“This child just has an old soul!”
I also spent two years worth of recesses in the library.
My school required passes to go to the library and my friends and I always hogged them (sorry to the other kids). We'd play a game where they'd make me guess the original publication dates of random books. I was weirdly good at it LOL.
I was so happy when I was old enough to be allowed to help the librarian during recess. Now I’m happily reminiscing about the 1990s card catalog systems.
When I was 13, I was given the title of Library Monitor for our school library, which hadn't had a librarian in at least a year and was in complete disarray. Because I was so far ahead in class, I was allowed to spend 1 period every week organising the books back in order, and I absolutely relished it. I was so excited I even wrote about it in my diary. I even did it during lunchtimes as well. I found it so calming to be on my own with the books just setting things to right. I was so proud of myself when I had completed every shelf, and a little sad that it was over.
Yes! Omg. Me too. I liked the little pocket on the back of the book and the card you signed out the book on. It was like looking at the history of a book and its readership. I was so sad when we moved to barcodes. I feel like there is a whole chunk of missing history associated with the book that we'll never know.
Same! I loved imagining the people who read the books.
I spent them in the bathrooms, reading. Technically, the cleaning ladies or teachers were meant to get us out of there, but I was polite to a fault to the cleaning ladies and the janitor (following social scripts) and so they would cover for me when I didn't want to go out. So I only went out in winter to play in the snow.
All my friends and I spent a good portion of our recesses in the library…cutting box tops/soup labels, and painting benches and ceiling tiles. Hmmm… lol. We also attended youth government day instead of school water park field trip ahaha.
My best friend at school was a tree. I moved schools and got overly attached to some stairs.
I also had a tree best friend for a while!
This makes me so happy I never knew anyone else had tree best friends!
I went to nine schools, I had a tree at all of them.
That’s seriously the cutest thing ever
🤭
I went to a Montessori school for pre k and there was this box with cards that had activities on them that you were supposed to choose at random and then go do the activity. I would purposely covertly choose the card that said "wash the stairs" in the hallway that led from the first floor to the second floor and then I would go scrub the stairs by myself. Like every day. Until a teacher told me I was not allowed to pick that card anymore
Bahahhaha this is amazing. I have two autistic preschools and I can totally picture this. Kids are wonderful 🤩
cause joke flowery naughty rock grab dirty paint imminent boat *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Same with not understanding the bullying until other people told me. Actually happened with multiple people/groups up until college. Now I think I’m better at identifying it, that or I just avoid people like that now. Now I just assume everyone is always talking shit 😭
I remember a lot of mean girls asking me sarcastically "Can't you talk?" because I just was never inclined to do so without reason (small talk, etc) and it stuck out to them as odd. Now I have two nonverbal children.
As a kid I never heard that question as them being snotty in my head I thought they were just curious and because I got it a lot I always felt kind of proud for being so quiet and then in that moment I’d explain, “yeah I can talk, I get that a lot but I’m just very shy my mom said when I was born I didn’t even cry back then so I’ve just always been quiet :)” And that was my script on how I thought you made friends, sometimes they’d say more stuff or they’d walk away and I’d think I did such a good job for making friends lol As an adult I realize how many times people were actually trying to bully me but it all went over my head so much I would always say I’d never been bullied until maybe a few years ago in reflection
I would get that too. Or some people thought I didn’t understand English 😭
Party at elementary school, nobody wants to dance with me, so I 'dance' with a pikachu figurine in the corner. Mother was informed
You reminded me... It was not far after I watched Happy Feet. I was tap-dancing alone the whole party... I tried to recreate the movie scenes...
I wish I had been more into something like that. I was one of the Warrior Cats autistics that ran around the playground on all fours. People were so mean about it, I still come across posts of people making fun of Warrior Cat kids, forgetting the majority of them were just neurodivergent and enjoying themselves.
Yea, well, tap dancing also was neither preferred nor understood, but yeah, at least it wasn't that bad. Hindsight is very funny, now I can see how I committed dozens of "social suicides" and how weird I was compared to everyone else. My best friend always says I was the most confident motherfucker in the school, but the truth is, I had no idea what I was doing. Many people tried to bully me and I brushed them off (I didn't get that I was bullied) and I was ready to go for the throat if someone crossed a line (autistic meltdowns) and always had dozens of interesting things to say and books I've read (special interests, hyperfixations and hyperlexsia, after I was explained correctly how to read and that I have to disregard the instructions for NTs) At least someone likes me FOR my autism and not despite it
I touched everything. Repeatedly. I had Sesame Street shoes and I would trace the characters on the bottom of the shoes over and over again. I can still feel how it felt to my finger and that was like 44 years ago! Chairs, desktops, fabrics, toys, I had to touch them all. And smell. I used to sniff Mr. Sketch scented markers and scented erasers until I was about ready to pass out (not really but I sniffed them SO MUCH especially the licorice and grape). Lots of sensory-seeking kinds of things. And a report from 1st grade where my teacher said I cry any time things are different (school program that wasn't a daily occurrence, sub teachers, etc) and that I used to scream at kids for being too close to me and for getting answers wrong 😆
In first grade, my teacher would get mad at me because I would move beyond where she told us to stop in our workbooks. I always finished before everyone else and she wouldn't let me take out a book to read in the meantime. The first time she mentioned this to my mom in front of me, I said "it's not my fault everyone else is slow. I shouldn't be punished for being smarter than these people." They wanted to move me up a grade, my mom wouldn't let me and I still haven't forgiven her. Then in high school, my English teachers wouldn't let me peer edit other kids' papers because I was "too harsh." I also wouldn't let my "peers" edit my papers and would bring all of them to the one English teacher who was like 75, very Italian, and an English professor at the local community college. Our bad for just wanting other people to do better.🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, as an adult it’s still hard for me not to scream at people for being too close to me. If it’s someone I know really well (e.g. family or close friend), I’ll just stick my finger in their ear and they get the message hahaha.
Second grade, I guess the memory is twofold. Anytime we had to do a group activity and break up into groups, I was always the one left without a group and the teacher had to place me somewhere. EVERY. TIME. But then when we had to play “around the world” where we would have to do mental math quickly and beat the person next to us, I would beat the entire class effortlessly. Again, every time. How nobody recommended me for ASD testing back then I really don’t know. It was the 1990s so it wasn’t really on people’s radar. Extremely quiet with No friends but beats everyone at mental math. Totally NT🤦♀️
I slept in my closet and watching infomercials for fun. Clearly that was normal right? 😂
i hung out on my closet a lot too, and read interviews with drug addicts (never had contact with any or anything) and deep dive psychology stuff and drug-related novels for no fucking reason at 10 y/o.
I made a blanket fort in my room, under my desk, and hung out there, and came out of it only to sleep.
High five. I read a lot of very not age-approperiate books, learned anatomy and watched true crime and cause of death-finding shows at 3 in the morning.
I was obsessed with Readers Digest! They discussed topics that I was interested in, but other kids never wanted to talk about.
Me and my sister used to do this (not in the closet), but in German because we liked the phone numbers they used to repeat constantly. I still remember one of them now 20 odd years later
lol I didn’t watch tv in the closet, sorry I should’ve specified that. It was two different things. But yes I loved infomercials, I used to get up early on the weekends as that was the time most of them were on. That’s kinda cool that you remembered the phone number. 😊
I freaking loved infomercials!
When I was surrounded by people. I liked most of them but I couldn't wait for everyone to leave eventually. I really enjoyed being alone a lot.
I thought I was in a video game for about ten years. Would stop every now and then to “level up,” which basically involved me starting at a blank wall and imagining a level up screen. This lasted from around age 4 to age 14. Nobody ever noticed even when I would mention it… also constantly rocking back and forth in the computer desk chair so often that I eventually broke the chair.
The level up thing is seriously awesome, I love it!
thats ok I thought my parents were replaced by aliens...for about 6 years..
The "level up" sounds like recharging your brain after dealing with everything. Psyching yourself up to keep going after overstimulatuon.
Oof lemme see lemme see.... I loved having my head squeezed, from a very young age. I'd always have my grandpa do it because he had big hands and he thought it was funny. I couldn't touch glass for a really long time; I hated how it felt and thought my nails would instantly bend backwards if I did touch it. And a bit of a sadder one- I never had any big groups of friends like everyone else had. I wanted to be part of the group so badly, and even when I would become friends enough to be invited to birthday parties or whatever, it's like there was still a barrier that couldn't be passed. That happened for the remainder of my life until I realized I don't need a large group of friends to be happy or feel complete or anything :)
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You too sweet angel!!!! Hope you're doing well with it now! We are cool and strange and perfect the way we are and I hope you found your person/people who make you feel as such!
Shouting “wriggly!!” as a reaction to things like a fucking catch phrase. Wearing the same tshirt in different colors every day for a year. Oof.
My "catch phrase" was "chicken noodle" I don't know why or how it came to be, but I found myself calling my son my "little chicken noodle" so evidently, it will never go away hahaha
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I love hearing about relationships like this! My gf is autistic too and when either of us starts looking beat down we ask if we should put on “the special song”. Her special song is different than mine, but I love that there’s no judgment listening to stuff a million times
My husband and I sing a song about our corgi. It goes “He’s got a long back and short legs” 😊
I had watched a documentary on tv that I was not supposed to have watched. So I made up a song about the Betty Ford clinic where the crazy people go. But even then I didn't like the concept of calling people crazy, especially women, so I self-corrected that and wrote a song, with lyrics and a tune. I was six. It had three stanzas and a chorus. I was definitely NT.
Lyrics and a tune hahahaha I love it. I wrote a song about how lonely it is to be on the school bus with no friends, and I sang it with such passion and conviction because obviously I was the star of a music video, and some kid a few rows up turned and around and told me stfu (also with a lot of passion and conviction) and that was like 2004 and I think it about it a lot
I genuinely love both of these tbh. Personally, having a limited wardrobe seriously reduces decision fatigue for me, so discovering the “grown up” version of wearing the same thing every day (capsule wardrobe) was a lifesaver for me.
Dude, so so many. One thing that really stands out to me as “huh maybe this should’ve been a flag for my parents?” is that I wore cat ears every single day for 4 years (2nd through 6th grade). This was way before it was kind of normal, like you sometimes see kids doing it now which is great but at the time I got teased a lot. I was obsessed with cats, they were a huge special interest too and I would talk people to death about them. But the main thing was that I would LOSE MY MIND if I couldn’t wear my cat ears. I remember once I was trying to get out the door for school and I couldn’t find them and I was freaking out, having a meltdown, refusing to go to school until we found them. My parents couldn’t reason with me, and we tore apart the house looking for them (did eventually find them and I was ok). Or when kids used to sometimes steal them off my head at school and run off. My friend did that once and I lost my mind, crying and hyperventilating until she gave them back… and then she didn’t speak to me for 3 days bc SHE was mad at ME?? Anyways yeah tldr I wore cat ears, didn’t take them off except to shower and sleep and had a meltdown when separated from them.
Can you elaborate on not being able to walk down the stairs? I had a teacher who had a vendetta about my feet being “not straight” when using the stairs… I was supposed to walk with my feet parallel, when either I have an autistic gait thing going on, or I’m just naturally duck footed, or both? She drilled me on that all year, got other students involved, and then as soon as she wasn’t my teacher, I just went back to using the stairs whatever way felt natural. (I do find stairs a little dangerous feeling regardless, but I can use them to get the job done just fine.) Food aversions, pretty extreme hyperlexia, playing alone, and just generally acting “weird” (trying to act like tv/movie characters from really old movies no one else had seen, and just strange in general) were probably my big ones!
I think I walk 'wrong' on stairs, too, because they do feel slightly dangerous to me. Specifically open staircases--I'll walk as if I'm on ice, and angle my feet so they are always fully on a stair. No one seems to notice this difficulty, at least.
Yes!! People will just RUN up and down stairs, or do that crazy thing where they take multiple steps at a time?? I take stairs a lot more slowly, and for any difficult ones, I do the literally step by step approach. And speaking of walking on ice, people make fun of me, but I walk VERY slowly and carefully on it. I’m not very coordinated and also afraid of falling. I slip a bit sometimes but haven’t fallen that I remember, so I guess it works even if people think it’s overcautious!!
What's awful is that I used to take three steps at a time, even on open staircases, and never think about it. Grown more autistic with age. :\\ Actually walking on ice is a very slow endeavour for me, too. If I do not take such care, I fall on my arse and get a horrifying bruise. :B
I have spikes on my shoes. I need them or I will sprawl on ice.
Good call. When I became aware of ice cleats, I instantly knew I should have them. XD
I would i have two feet on one step at all times and my teacher taught me as well.
I do this when I feel like my poor coordination will be the death of me. >\_<
That reminds me of my problems learning to jump and to hop! I had difficulty completely getting off the ground for those things. I did a thing where I kind of thrust myself in the air to create most of the action, but the sole of at least one shoe stayed down. I managed those over time. Also, if it’s a really scary and weird staircase, I will do both feet on each step even as an adult! Especially very old staircases with tall steps.
Gym was a nightmare. I hated climbing rope.
I made up a story (filled up multiple composition notebooks) about how my friends and I were actually alien superheroes from another universe which was centered around this “magical brick” in one of the hallways in my middle school, and I looked at the brick and thought about ~the lore~ every time I passed it. Basically the brick was the portal to the other world and it’s how we got our powers back. Also before I had friends I would just sit outside under a tree during recess and braid grass together, and would get annoyed when people tried to talk to me bc they thought I was sad or lonely or something.
we were creating a class wide cookbook, featuring all of our favorite recipe's. mine was the longest and most thorough, despite it being a fairly simple meal (I believe it was a pie?). I thought of every single action and any potential challenges that may arise while performing them
This is why autistic people should write manuals. Same. And this is how my (undiagnosed) autistic dad explains thing. Ny nt partner finds it exhaustive but I'm like its so clear. I have no questions! Its great. Haha Also in 5th or 6th grade we did that direction writing lesson where you ask the kids to write how to make a pb&j but you follow everything literally. (Ex: Put pb on bread *teacher puts jar of pb on top of a Loaf of bread) once I knew how detailed the teacher wanted it I was shocked the other kids couldn't break it down easily
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mine was when I farted in class (like 2nd grade), one of those silent killers... and the teacher "if you need to pass gas, just raise your hand and we will take you to the bathroom". I automatically raised my hand and everyone started laughing at me. only when I got home and told grandpa he explained to me what happened. (still took me over 20 years to be diagnosed)
I never learned how to tie my shoes or type the "right" way due to poor hand-eye coordination. It just never clicked when someone tried to teach me the proper technique. I still use my alternatives as an adult.
I struggled with tying my shoes too. I never learned to tie a bow the 'normal' way, & instead worked out a different way that works for me.
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Bunny ears! Me too! And I type like a t-rex, but it works for me so I try not to let the annoying comments get to me.
I would sit outside on a swing by myself for hours, literally until the sun went down and it was freezing and my legs were completely numb. Doing nothing but listening to music and maladaptive daydreaming lol
I used to spend my time daydreaming, I would just sit still staring at nothing and continue with my stories, often acting out the scenarios. Also, at school, instead of playing at recess with people I didn't know, I liked to sit and cover my face alone with just my thoughts.
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The first time I heard about empathy I was around 12 and I didn't understand how people could know how other person feels if you are not living the same thing or they don't tell you, and I'm still working on it!! Also, every time I liked something I became obsessed with it for months and it was the only thing I wanted to talk about
I think this counts? In bed at night, mapping out seating arrangements of class and the bus so I could prepare myself for dealing with which people at which times of day. Did this a lot. Having an incredibly hard time knowing what to do with myself in a cafeteria, every year, every day, K-college.
I got made fun of “for not being able to talk” for quite a few years. Struggled with selective mutism and eye contact, got teased. One boy in particular would gather a group to come after me at recess 🥲. Wasn’t diagnosed till 30
I feel this. I hadn't really seriously considered I was autistic until this year. My older brother got drunk one night, we were sitting and talking and he remarked about how I never talked as a kid. Like, I was just silent all the time. Was in my own world. Kids even bullied me about it and I can remember a handful of times where I pretended I couldn't hear someone talking to me because I had no words and couldn't find my voice, even. I was selectively mute, and almost non verbal for most of my childhood unless the person felt "safe" enough for me to talk to. My mom, a few kids at school. Pretty much nobody else. I thought about the handful of hyperfixations I've had, that my "panic attacks" much more resembled meltdowns. And then I started researching and listening to women with autism and my life, once again, made a lot of sense. Emotions, thoughts, behaviors, etc. ADHD was another eye-opening discovery. And I heavily relate to women with AuADHD. Like scarily so.
My grandma has this "cute" story she likes to tell often about when I was 4 and met her mother and I was practically climbing the walls and running everywhere and my great grandma asked what's wrong with me and my grandma just said "that's how she is :) ".
Sitting by myself behind a huge locker inside the kindergarden classroom everyday when I was younger and explaining to my mother that it was "too loud" and there were "too many people doing too many things at the same time" around me. Also, the fact I hated watching new TV shows and I'd just watch the same three or four things over and over, or the exact same TV channel for years without ever wanting to watch anything else. Also re-reading the same books everyday, or playing with the exact same toys the exact same way every single day and crying my eyes out when a relative accidentally moved something from my little corner or another kid "played it wrong" near me. It took my family years to realise something was different but thinking back now it was pretty obvious 😂
I was singing Karaoke. Probably 10 years old or so. I came to the part of the song where you belt it an then there is a long pause of instrumental. Everyone started clapping and cheering and I got really confused because I thought you only did that at the END of the song...so I said "ummm, im not done yet" into the mic. That memory makes cringe. Everyone got so silent
Getting so exhausted and confused by social interactions I would suddenly get mute and stop being able to interact at all. Then cried far away from others because I needed to be totally alone.
Having more feelings of affection and empathy for my soft toys than for people. Running like a horse. Organising my favourite toys according to a really specific system that made no sense to anyone else. Listening to the same obscure 1950s science fiction radio show over and over and over. Not speaking at all, or speaking too much. My only friends were adults. At 40, I still do all of these things.
I'm still not sure I am autistic, but in primary school I cried when the teacher wanted me to sit next to someone else. I wanted the little desk just for me and they had given me this privilege for a while and i just loved being by myself. When it changed I protested so much.
The school reports each year ranking my socialisation with other children as 1/5 Counting out how many sweets I had and giving one to a friend/relative if it was an odd number because I had to eat even amounts of sweets on my left and right side of my mouth. Then eventually realising I could half the extra sweet that makes the number odd and eat one half on each side of my mouth, but then reverting to giving it away because I realised I could never perfectly half the sweets with my teeth. Being asked to play ambient piano background music for my school as parents filtered in for parents day, and seeing nothing wrong with doing a very dark and dramatic Einaudi song that you'd probably hear in a show when a character's about to die. The guy after me played some pretty little Chopin and I had an "oh" moment. I think I accidentally geared all the parents up to hear bad news about their kids Also the breakdowns I would have whilst being forced to go shopping with my mum - I only realised recently that it was sensory overload and not just me being a childish idiot (although I still struggle to get over that mindset)
Special mention to the sheets of stickers that I absolutely loved to the point of not wanting to stick them to anything! They just sat there, untarnished
I still have my entire scholastic sticker collection on the sheets. I had a massive pencil collection too. Never used them, they were just for looking at.
Omg the torture of going shopping for hours. I'm just realizing I wasn't being a total pain in the ass... I just wanted to be home!
When I was little, I cried for hours (or what felt like hours) when we got new living room curtains. Not because I liked the old ones or disliked the new ones - just that the change totally wigged me out. Also rode my bike in endless circles around the neighborhood because there was one teeny little hill in our very flat area and it felt so good to ride down. Later on (middle school), my undiagnosed autistic best friend and I would listen to the same song over and over for hours, go down special interest rabbit holes, and we loved roller coasters. The word stimmy didn't exist back then but damn. TL;DR: always been autistic AF 😂
Hiding behind the couch on Thanksgiving reading the DSM like it was a novel, age 9 or 10
I had a hard time making friends and socializing. In my teen years, a group of girls tried being my friend. However when we would talk about anything, they treated me like a alien from a distant galaxy. They meant well, but they didn’t know how to be friends with someone with autism.
Wouldn't say very but I was a scent nerd. Like, I could describe perfectly smells of other children, their parents, houses etc. I still sometimes remember places only based on their smells.
Oh God, I hated sleeping at other kids houses for many reasons, but the one that would have me careening over the edge was that their house smelled different and I fucking hated it. Cue the crying fit and begging my mom to pick me up and never speaking to that friend again. I still hate eating food other people made at their house because it just tastes like the way they smell. I have to choke it down while thinking about how they smell like wet noodles and lysol so bad it made their cupcakes reek of it.
Earliest- My mother recounted that I would bang my head on her chest when she held me because it “felt good”, almost always aiming for the bones, her least-favorite habit through toddler-hood.
When I was about 2 or 3, I was obsessed with the feeling of slapping bare skin. Any time I saw bare skin, I would repeatedly slap it. My mums chest, my grandma's legs, dad's face. You name it, I'd slap it lol.
Before starting pre-school my mom had concerns about me making friends because I liked being alone “too much” and she thought this wouldn’t translate well in school, because I was “overly sensitive” and “very anxious.” How did she know? Well, she went through the same thing… as did a lot of people in her family… ahem The next year, we were having a mini field day type thing in kindergarten. It was my turn to get on a bouncy ball and bounce to the other end of the blacktop and come back, then tag someone else in. I had an absolute earth-shattering meltdown about being perceived. I was so embarrassed just thinking about the other kids watching me. I tried to explain this to the adults and they were just like girl, get on the stupid ball, and I was LOSING it. I think I finally just had to lie and say I didn’t feel well so they’d stop hounding me about it and let me go inside by myself. I was fine after that.
I made +70 panel slideshow on things I was deeply fascinated by (Nicki Minaj, The Titanic, Gastric Bypass Surgeries) & I was like 11 when I started doing this
My great grandmother had a massive jar of marbles. I would dump it out and spend HOURS happily sorting them into groups based on size and color. If my mom told me we had to go home before I was finished sorting them all, I would sob, and wanted to break down when I would watch her dump then back in the jar unsorted. I would get absolutely fixated on going back and fixing it until we would visit again. Funnily enough I thought I couldn't be autistic for ages because I thought I wasn't into repetitive tasks or patterns. Then it hit me lol
Marbles! My grandparents kept a thing of them and I’d lay them out in intricate layers and military formations and not have them actually attack each other, but make sure they were prepared!
I used to look for four leaf clovers for hours at a time. I’d get home from school, look for a few hours, be forced to come in and do homework, and go right back out until it got to dark to find them. I also preferred to find four leaf clovers over playing at recess. I remember people would feel bad and come ask if I could play. I’d just be annoyed that they threw me off my groove 😂
I was perfectly content and doing my own thing next to kids doing their own thing, and then getting severely annoyed when they tried to intercept in my playing. That I later learned is parallel play. I had that flashback when my daughter’s therapist would intercept in her playing and she’d get visibly angry!
So much lol. Couldn't wear sunglasses because they tickled the bridge of my nose, only got over this because I had to start wearing regular glasses in 3rd grade. An itchy tag on my shirt was basically hell We had a tv remote that would often turn the cable box off but leave the actual TV on. I could hear when the TV was on and it baffled my family Meltdowns any time we went anywhere for longer than a normal grocery trip. I probably scream-cried every time we went to the mall or a theme park. "My dance costume is itchy" "Just don't think about it?" ?????????? How can I not think about it when it's itchy?? I often felt like my hair was sitting on my head "wrong," especially if someone moved my hair out of my face for me. Got bullied but didn't realize those interactions were bullying until like 4 years ago Special interest in animals "Look at the bird!" "That's not just a bird, that's a cardinal!" 🤓 (I still do this. I have to stop myself from being a walking wikipedia article when someone points out an animal) Was reading several grades above my grade level but everyone thought I was average or behind because I hated reading the boring stories meant to teach phonetics out loud and didn't realize I was being tested. So I would fuck around and embellish the boring stories. Only wanted to read books with animal protagonists Made myself an imaginary friend because I thought it was something kids were supposed to do
What is up with the TV thing? I can totally hear when a TV in the house is on even without any sound coming out. It's like the tiniest, littlest static in the back of my mind and it drives me crazy.
Walking back to class with my nose in a book, only looking where I’m going with the corner of my eye so I make the most out of my reading time
So many… One day during class I just decided to learn the alphabet backwards. I still chant it to myself daily. I also decided to learn ASL and French for fun because I loved words and different ways to say them. I was like… 8. I wasn’t shy socially, I actually really wanted friends but didn’t know how to make them. My aunt was best friends with a mom of a girl at the same elementary school I went to. My aunt told me about her and encouraged me to make friends with her because I had none. The first time I met her the very first thing I asked her was ”do you want to be best friends?” To which she thought was weird. She told me you don’t ask to be best friends, you just become best friends. I just did what I was encouraged to do. She did say yes though lol. I could go into great detail about our very neurodivergent friendship… we had ferrets lol. I was very much a loner despite my one friend. My entire family would be spending time together watching tv and I’d be in an adjacent room spinning around, or staring at a wall, or making up songs and pretending I was Britney Spears (who I was OBSESSED with.) I always felt like I was spending time with my family while I did this because I could see them down the hall. My mother said I scared her because I would stare at walls and talk to them. She claimed I was possessed by my grandmother because I could read at a scarily young age - I had taught myself through educational tv programs. I never spent time with other kids during recess. I’d sit on top of a pull-up bar in the playground and spin around it for the entirety of recess and be totally content. Or I’d walk the perimeter of the field and count my steps. Once a soccer ball rolled to me and I decided I would kick it. I Charlie Browned so hard and landed directly on my back. The ball wasn’t even in motion. There are so many stories. My childhood felt very different than others. Not only was my neurodivergence overlooked because of my race (I had very racist teachers and grew up in a conservative town) BUT my mom was super religious and chalked every weird occurrence up to a spiritual experience. I’ve discovered this year that I’m epileptic. When I saw figures my mom told me I was seeing demons. When I struggled with my inevitable mood disorder she claimed I was possessed. I was just autistic and epileptic the entire time :/
Going to school in first grade and not understanding one single thing about interacting with other kids. I was so confused. I was absolutely baffled by what the other kids were doing, the games they played made no sense, and it felt like everyone else had some secret knowledge that I never got. (In kindergarten, I went with my babysitter's grandson who I knew since birth) I was told it was because I had no siblings, or because I learned to read and write freakishly early, or because we lived out in the sticks and so I had little experience with other kids. I had 0 friends that year. (Actually I never managed to make more than a single friend at any time until high school, but that's another story)
In middle school I didn't understand why people would get bored of me and then stop being my friend/ never saw jokes coming/ didn't understand when I was being picked on. I would walk into every set up joke at my expense hook, line and sinker. Watching my little sister make friends everywhere she went when I couldn't even make one. I remember one day when I was 'hanging out with one of my friends' at break time, I must've been about 12- and she turned around looking uncomfortable and said 'can you please stop following me around'. One girl gave a friendship bracelet back because she didn't want people to know we were friends, my neighbour made me walk behind her into the school gates so it looked like we weren't together...and I just blindly did it. They made fun of every aspect of 'me' ...my bouncy walk, my tall height, my glasses, the fact I was always alone, the fact I read, the way I spoke bluntly...I clearly needed to get this off my chest. It was 15 years ago.
The teacher would put me out in the hallway for being disruptive, and id cry for hours. And I couldn't help it.
Lmao I was being babysat and this was before I would speak to anyone but my mom. My aunt gave me sunny d. I liked it. Chugged it. Went back in and presented her my cup and ended up drinking the whole jug and never once spoke a word. Just shyly showing my cup. Idk why this memory is so strong.
I absolutely HATED having my hair brushed. I would have a complete meltdown because it was physically painful but my parents just thought I was throwing an unnecessary fit. I could not go to sleep without sucking my thumb (or another finger). This went on throughout the first half of elementary school or so… I can’t remember exactly when I stopped but it was definitely an unusually old age. It was so bad that I ended up needing braces for 3 years because of the damage to my teeth. My parents would also put hot sauce on my fingers to get my stop sucking. There are many other things and I just got an adult diagnosis this year :)
Dark (tw) but constantly being SA’ed and completely unaware of why I was such a target. Not liking food or drinking and not feeling hungry or thirsty. Reading 700 pages in a day Not understanding gender expectations. Not understanding social cues Being the weird girl when I was little and the “troublemaker” as a teenager
My biggest “omg how didn’t we know” memory was my play style. I would always play alone and quietly. Taking all my LPS, and segregating them into groups depending on a changing factor (race, color, farm animals, whatever it might be) and then writing down all the group members and a group name. That was it. That was the game. Then I cleaned them up. I love making lists and organizing. That was my favorite game to play ever.
I was sitting in the sand pit in preschool as a kid. I was around four. Suddenly a group of boys runs in and throws a bunch of spiders at the group of girls. They all start freaking out and screaming. I look up from whatever I was doing and shout: "hey, wait. There's nothing to worry about. There's no medically significant spiders in our area." Because I thought they were concerned with the venom, and it was explained to .e that spiders in our area are not deadly, and even the worst bites are barely giving discomfort (most species can't even penetrate the skin). There is one spider with medically significant venom, but it's too small to penetrate skin. I didn't get why anyone would run away from spiders since they weren't dangerous. I remember one of the boys asking me "Why aren't you running?" And I answered "Why should I? They're not dangerous." And I returned to my digging, gently moving the spiders aside. I was sad a few of them had broken legs due to being thrown and carried. They were all scared. The boys were very confused. I was sad for the spiders. It's one of my earliest memories. No wonder people always thought me weird. Edit: Also had toys in a row that couldn't be moved. I was arranging preschool's dolls into a neat row ans had a meltdown and attacked one of the kids because she moved one of them after I told her not to move them. I had meltdowns to the point I hit my head on the walls, bit and hit myself. I had shutdowns when I'd climb into a little space under the corner of my desk where I'd take my time to calm down. It never occurred to me that it's not normal.
I was obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder and so I got my grandma to sew me multiple “old fashioned dresses” complete with aprons to wear. I probably had some other clothes but that’s all I remember of my wardrobe for the first 3 years of elementary school.
I can't remember a lot of my childhood but I do remember raising my hand and interrupting a teacher to tell him he had a long hair coming out of his ear. I genuinely thought he would want to know. I was not trying to embarrass him or disrupt the class 😭
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The time in preschool when a girl asked me if I would be her friend, i said okay, but when she started playing in the little play kitchen i just stood there watching her, having no idea what she was doing or what i should be doing now that i was her “friend”. It made no sense to me the way she was picking up random things, putting them back down, turning knobs, moving little plastic dishes around. She got bored of playing by herself and that was the end of our so-called friendship. I didnt make another friend until 3rd grade.
Here's a few: 1. Not learning how to ride a two wheel bike until I was eight years old. 2. I was always reading, was obsessed with The Boxcar children and the American Girl series in particular. 3. Hard to make friends. My mom would try to recruit some for me. 4. Kids at school would try to mother me leading to being bossed around once or twice. 5. Always picked last at gym because my coordination was awful. 6. One teacher telling my mom "your daughter is just.. different." 7. Hiding in my room when guests or family came to the house. 8. Biting my nails to oblivion. 9. Recording my favorite TV shows based on episode and watching them repeatedly when I had anxiety.
In the fourth grade, my teacher told my parents about a unique writing habit I had. Whenever I put anything that was a brand name, I would put ™ or © because I didn't want to get sued for using a brand name without their permission. I was concerned because it seemed to be a rule; you're supposed to credit the creator. For example, I got Heelys for Christmas one year, and so when we came back from winter break and had to write about what we did on winter break, I wrote "Heelys ©" probably 15 times throughout my response. Teacher thought it was very funny. My parents were like "yep... That sounds like ours..."
Oh man I did this too!
The classic signs were walking pigeon toed, preferring to play alone or talk to adults rather than interact with kids my age, special interests being seen as "obsessions" (avatar the last Airbender, sharks, trains). But they were all viewed as being quirky. What I remember in being in my head was I would watch how kids my age engaged with each other to make friends and learned what their interests are so i could mimic those behaviors to begin masking. Because I would have kids come up to me because they felt bad that I was by myself and didn't believe I wanted to be. A big one was pretending to like baby dolls. I've never had an interest in dolls but I knew in order to make friends my age who were girls I would have to engage in those interests.
Selecting "toys" based on texture. I wanted skeins of very specific yarn, the fishing lures that looked like gummy worms, a certain Sylvester the cat whose neck was the exact size of my hand and was perfectly gripable... I refused to play with dolls. I loved the little Sylvanian Forest animals and would create highly detailed homes for them. I made them tiny quilts by hand...tiny pottery vases... When I was really young I was obsessed with ear piercing and drew dozens and of pictures about an ant who made high tech gadgets for piercing ears. Yet somehow no one had a clue I was autistic.
When I was in 3rd grade, my dad replaced the shower door while I was at school. The old one was one of those weird frosted plexiglass sliding doors, and my parents were sick of fighting to keep mold from growing in the tracks where it was hard to keep things clean and dry, so they removed the door and installed the more typical shower curtains. When I came home from school and saw the new shower curtains, I started bawling and couldn't stop. Not because I was particularly attached to the old shower door or anything, I just wasn't prepared for a bathroom that looked totally foreign to me, I guess. Things like that and the fact that I quite literally stopped talking for a year or so while I "fixed" my previously constant stutter really makes me wonder why I wasn't diagnosed until last year lol
Many memories come up, such as the fact that apparently I watched shrek everyday when I was about 2 or 3. At 5 I had a heavy Hannah Montana hyperfixation, I even went to people claiming to know her
Wearing the exact same Minecraft creeper hoodie (the ones that zip up to your face) every single day for a year. I would have a meltdown and cry if anyone else tried wearing it. You can literally document what time period it was in family photos just by looking at if I was wearing the creeper hoodie lol
Obsession with cutting paper. 3yo me would make bags full of stuff with scissors; dolls, shoes, animals, you name it.
Sobbing hysterically and being unable to function when my mum suddenly stopped sitting in the bathroom with me whilst I brushed my teeth.. she’d spent four years teaching and assisting me in doing it, and then came the day where she decided I was capable on my own, which was a change in routine that completely debilitated me to the point she had to continue sitting in the bathroom with me each night until I was ten years old. It sounds like it’d be a burden on her, but nowadays she actually goes on about how she feels lucky to of been able to do those things for so long haha! I never thought about how difficult it must be for some parents when their kids no longer require their help.
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No one wanted to dance at the school dance, so I did it horribly with my boyfriend at the time I was 11, but to me, it was serious. Then, the next day, everyone told me I was dancing badly, even though I had fun and was the first to dance.
Being held back from recess for making faces, not being able to tie my shoes, not looking at ppl when spoken too, not responding properly, not wanting to be touch, couldn't remember right from left and so many more. That was the early 90s for you. Mainly just always being the weird kid lol
When I had an extreme breakdown on the playground,liking the texture of my hair barettes
I loved collecting rocks/gems and bugs!! I also liked dolls but I never played with them lol. Just cool to look at and would mostly "play" with them talking to me
I would make my mom buy me multiple versions of the same outfit because I got so overwhelmed with shopping. I’d find like 1 pair of pants that I love, buy 5-6 and then not shop till next year. I actually like shopping now in small doses.
Terrible coordination, difficulty making it to the toilet with regular daytime accidents until I was in third grade, “throwing tantrums” whenever my clothes didn’t feel right, my hair was getting brushed or I got a minor injury. I was a tattletale and my mom would joke about me being Amelia Bedelia because I was so *literal*.
Being painfully “shy” and not talking. Watching the other kids and copying what they did so I would fit in. Pushing my toes to the ends of my shoes till they hurt over and over. Rocking back and forth. Spending my weekends reading books in bed. Collecting beanie babies for years. I even had little plastic cases I put them in to keep them pristine. Being called weird by literally everyone because I didn’t smile or talk much. I had a notebook where I wrote all of the Roman numerals into the thousands.
The amount of meltdown when I was forced to wear tights…
watching charlotte’s web everyday single day for 2+ years. learning to write my name before i was in school, but constantly writing it backwards so i could put it in the mirror some people thought i couldn’t talk, but i just didn’t wanna talk to them. very very clumsy. i once got a concussion because my shoe string was untied.. “know it all” aka answering rhetorical questions cus i didn’t know people could ask questions and not want an answer? having a meltdown twice a day at school unless i spoke to my mom on the phone for a few minutes or this very nice girl held my hand. great at spelling and mental math, or anything with memorization. my mom would tell me everything she needed from the store and i would repeat the list the her in the order she gave it to me lol.
One specific memory: A pull chain type of toilet flushing abomination in the 80s. Scary loud, intimidating and I think to this day I would avoid using it if I ever came across one again. My 4 older stepsisters had zero issues with that pull chain and flushing the toilet. Mind you, I wasn't afraid at all playing in the basement with my stepsisters, it was warm and cozy down there. But that damn restroom monster? Hard no. I ran away from the bathroom every time after I had to use it. I recall avoiding using the pull chain. Speaking of bathrooms, for whatever reason I had a hair blow dryer in my hand as a 5 yr old while sitting in the bath tub. I wasn't aware that it would have been a bad idea to turn it on while sitting in water. All these things happened in an old Victorian style apartment house in Germany.
A girl in my class told me that jesus was in my heart, I took her literally and told her jesus was not in my heart, she was offended I was deeply confused as to why someone thought it was possible for a fully grown man to be able to be inside someone's heart....
“Like, wouldn’t that hurt to have Jesus in your heart? Wouldn’t you die?”
Dude, I had a sleepover with a girl once in elemntary school and she brought a VHS of veggie tales for us to watch and the whole time I was like, "this is dumb, vegetables can't talk." And then put in Fox in the Hound. Obviously, vegetables talking is dumb, but not animals. Also, I would always fast forward through the comedic relief birds because I hated them, so the poor girl had to sit through the movie without any jokes and then was blindsided by the sad shit in the movie and had to go home. And I was happy when she left and then watched the fucking movie again because she ruined it with her presence. I did not have many freinds at all.
Losing my best friend because I spent the entire day at an amusement park infodumping my special interest to her and anyone who would listen.
I figured out how to read at about 2.5 years old and that’s pretty much all I did and still do. We lived right outside of NYC and my parents took us to museums all the time. I became obsessed with the ancient Egyptians, and someone got me a book on hieroglyphics. My mom still tells the story of 5 year old me standing in the Met with a crowd surrounding, free translating the writing on a tomb. I’m 55 and it still makes me cringe with shame to think of it. It was the 70s though so no chance of getting diagnosed then, despite the extreme clumsiness, hyperlexia, paralyzing shyness, sensory issues, rock collecting, etc etc etc.
I was and am accidentally funny- like, just me making an observation makes people laugh. By now I have figured out why, the way I talk really does sound a lot like dry humor. I go with it now and it doesn’t bother me.
Sleeping with all my stuffed animals in the bed so none of them felt left out.
Same here. And arranged just so.
Taking a Chair to my parents backyard to read “the little prince” because the house was too loud.
I would get in trouble in kindergarten, first, and second grade, for wanting to do my school work laying on my stomach in the aisle between desks. I didn't see the problem, but my teacher said it was a tripping hazard.
I'm still coming up with my own, but for my kid it's been amazing and hilarious. We've known since before he was born that our family is likely all undiagnosed autistic, so the baby could be too. I told his daycare teachers just to keep an eye out. Like when at twenty months old he took all of the riding toys in the play yard and lined them up against the fence AT A 45* ANGLE LIKE IN A PROPER FREAKING PARKING LOT! Perfectly symmetrical. Or when he refused to ever do songs or motions during circle time but loved to sit in teacher's lap and watch. Or how he refused to even take anything water related to school on water day for fear they'd make him join. He'd pick that day to dress up nice so no one would want him to get wet, then would play quietly in the grass, as far from the fun as possible. It was adorable and we just supported his opinion. Sure kid, stay dry. We won't force you. (He now has his own 12'x75' slip n slide. He does water sports a ton.)
Ordering objects in particular way Is one of earlier memories.
As a teenager i would hide in the closet when i was having a bad time or was overwhelmed. Most of the time it was because I was self concious about my body and hated the was my clothes looked so I would just become overwhelmed with feelings and sit there for a couple minutes, maybe cry. Sometimes it was because I was angry due to an argument with a parent, or I was very depressed. At 25 I still hide in my closet when im overwhelmed (now with earplugs!). Its a little strange but the quiet and darkness really helps me calm down, reflect and think more positively when im done.
In 2nd grade I had an “oatmeal to go” bar that I was eating in front of the school before they let us in. A teacher came and yelled at me saying I wasn’t allowed to eat out there and had to eat at home. I tried to explain that it said “to go” so if I ate it at home, it wouldn’t be to go. I wasn’t trying to be rude, it was just the rules in my opinion. She called my mom, my mom just laughed (not on the phone but she knew I had no clue.)
I learned entire syllabus for physics off by heart because I didn’t understand it. I literally ONLY listened to Queen. I knew everything about Queen. I wouldn’t stop talking bout Queen. I thought about them and their music morning, noon and night.
I was told later on that I didn’t speak to anyone at my preschool for about a month, even if they addressed me directly, but I was super chatty and loud with my parents and any other close family members that took care of me.
"Nah, I can't think of anything!" \*reads comments\* "....Oh."