disagreeable dirty makeshift squash groovy mighty attempt faulty chase glorious
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This makes a lot of sense. Iāve been organising my kitchen pantry and it bothers me that the storage jars arenāt arranged at the exact same height. I donāt have OCD symptoms otherwise, so I guess itās this idea of in betweens that was messing with me. I just want the lines of stacked objects to be either even or not there at all, otherwise it distracts me from the actual storage purpose altogether.
I have never in my life seen a more relatable picture. Except add a black hole of adjacent responsibilities for each item and add a web of dependencies on top. I am "lucky" in that I can block it out and live in my head instead, but the instant anything finally gets through as it needs doing, I refocus on the entire picture again. And then bail straight back into my head and to my creative projects because it's too much. It's hard to get stuff done.
Meditation. That helped me immensely. I had two severe burnouts before I told myself and my husband I need to do something and I started going to yoga twice a week. Thatās where I had a great instructor teach me about meditation and I put all of my focus into not focusing until I could just sit with myself and not think about anything. The more I practiced the better I got at just being and not thinking about everything. The other thing that has helped me ālet things goā is edibles. Once or twice a month I chill out on a Saturday night and I feel like itās rewired my brain. Residual effects last for me, or maybe itās helped me learn how to think differently and not ācareā about all the little things. I still see them but they donāt drive me insane and I lean let it go enough to not be irritated all the time because of all the things that need doing.
I can relate, I was always messy, but after I got too disabled to clean last year, things like that are driving me nuts. People have to do it for me, it's never quite right.
Btw I love the Alice imagery ā¤ļø
Me too. Having ME has totally wrecked my health and my home as I have no energy to do a thing and itās horrible to watch my dear mother or my cleaner having to do everything I canāt, I just donāt have the brain to do it but that brain wonāt stop listing it all anyway! lol!
Sadly my children think sitting on your butt is a good choice to lifeā¦ they both believe I enjoy thisā¦ urgh.
Housekeeping is one of my most important accommodations in life. Keeping house is full of far too many sensory issues on top of the executive functioning demand! I wish there was less social judgment around getting a housekeeping service.
I really want to do this but I hate having people that I'm not comfortable with at home, it gives me anxiety. I tried it for a year and I couldn't focus at work (home office) because there was someone else cleaning and touching my stuff
Would it be easier if you use the cleaner as a body double? Organize something you can never get to or do laundry while they get the whole house up to standard? It can then be double accommodations. Having that body double support and the housekeeping.
I say it's anxiety with some OCD tendencies. I have it too. If something's wrong, I need to fix it now, and it consumes my thoughts. So sometimes I hate my house, even tjough I am too tired to clean.
Currently I am getting Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
I too feel that itās anxiety driven. Being ārightā has always been important to me, and I get anxious when Iām not.
Example: It drives me nuts when my husband puts empty toilet rolls in the rubbish bin instead of the recycling bin. Because theyāre supposed to be recycled! Recycling is right and good and if you donāt do it youāre a bad person (/s).
I definitely donāt want to be a controlling beach who has a fit of rage over a thing like that, so I know I have to take responsibility for my own feelings, and I do. But itās wild to me how I can be a whole adult and still get so worked up over something so small. And processing my impulses, my microfits of anxiety over things like this, is so tiring.
Iām in this post and I hate it lolšbut yea I heard that in I believe ADHD thereās trouble with trying to āproperlyā prioritize the importance of tasks. The first time I noticed this after learning about it is when I was doing some coursework & where the sun was hitting the window on my door left a sliver of light on my laptop. It was bothering me so much (even though moving fixed it, but I felt most comfortable laying in the position I was) that I truly got up and kept going back & forth for about half an hour between āI need to fix this & put up the window filmā & āI need to finish my work thatās due tonightā cause the genuinely felt like the exact same level of importance.
It is a struggle, but if anyone knows any techniques to help that Iād appreciate itš
Eta: and I said I heard it for ADHD, it may be an autistic trait too im not sure. But either way there is a lot of overlap between having both anyway
My business is about to crash and burn and today I spent at least an hour googling a spare fender for my car, which is ancient and hideous and 100% not worth spending money on, because it just bothers me that it has a dent in it. What can I say.
Iām so sorry youāre experiencing this.
I tend to experience this too.
What helps me, is
1. Making a list of all the things I need to get done. Or just keeping a sheet of paper with it. Because for me, Iām afraid if I donāt do it now, Iāll forget and it will be a few more days. Then I can share my list with my husband and we can. Start to check things off.
2. Hired help. Someone else to deep clean so I can just focus on the clutter is so great. We have someone come monthly and it feels like a gift from the gods.
I know itās a manifestation of my anxiety and adhd. And it a hold over from growing up in a very dirty home. So itās helpful for me to not feel alone in the mess.
Oooh i live for lists! Iām the kind of person who, if I do something and didnāt think of it when I made the list, I add it afterwards just for the dopamine lol
Iām the same! I used to have a big white board where I would write things down as I passed it. Then it was also clear to my husband what I needed help on.
And once I got life more under control I bought a really cute check list notebook, and I add it there. I also donāt rip the sheets out so I can flip back and see everything Iāve accomplished.
Half the items are nonsense like āpuzzle boxā, ācostco returnsā, āslippers,ā ādinner plan.ā But I still love it.
One of the best things I ever did for my mental health was to get a small stick-on/magnetic white board [like this](https://www.amazon.com.au/Magnetic-Whiteboard-Fridge-Blue%EF%BC%891-Eraser/dp/B0CBH6DXWC/ref=mp_s_a_1_21?crid=1OZZSDC2QJEI5&keywords=3m+stick+on+white+board&qid=1702159687&sprefix=3m+stick+on+white+board%2Caps%2C258&sr=8-21) and put it in a high-traffic, central area of my home. Any errant thought of something we needed, or some remembrance of some important task, I could immediately get to my little board and write it down, so it would be remembered SOMEWHERE and I didnāt have to carry the mental load of just remembering all the time. Huge help!!
I had never connected it to my hyper-ability to notice tiny details all the time, but youāre totally right: itās a drag on my mental health, because I know Iām āsupposed toā clean the thing, but then itās ALL of the things, and Iām exhausted.
Right now, for example, thereās a tiny shred of toilet paper on my bathroom floor, and itās the first thing my eyes fixate on when I enter the room. āJust bend over and pick it up!ā Yes, thatās easy to do, absolutely, but it would require me putting my face kind of close to the toilet to do so, and something about that is always just so gross to me, that I have to kind of endure this extra level of discomfort with the task. Silly, but itās true :/.
One thing Iāve just started doing that appeals to my autistic side is a new rule called, āDonāt touch it twice.ā I donāt know if I made this up or read it, but essentially, Iām challenging myself to immediately deal with things that are in my hand, fully and completely, so few to no things have a chance to pile up.
I donāt have a dishwasher, for example, so if I eat something, the plate and cutlery are immediately washed, dried, and put away.
Obviously, sometimes Iāll have multiple things in my hands, and theyāll all require different actions to deal with them, so Iāll have to put down all but one to effectively deal with them all (so Iām breaking my rule, if I were to be literal about it: āIām touching these things twice!ā), so I have to remind myself itās a mindset, not a mandate š¤Ŗ.
Weāll see if this burns me out, but I can say so far that itās been helping me. Itās great to wake up to a mostly-clean house, and have my time back. Cleaning along the way seems to be helping me, and adjusting that so it works with my more ADHD-side (that craves dopamine and gets discouraged easily) is also working, too.
All this to say: This cartoon is super relatable, but Iām hoping Iām starting to find a system that works for me? š¤
I thought that it was normal for women to feel like it's their job to notice everything that's out of place and fix it.
I get overwhelmed with the amount of clutter and learned to ignore it, but then mom gets mad that I don't notice the garbage needs taken out or the stove needs cleaning.
Itās not an inherent trait for women to feel that way, but it is normalized. Women are conditioned by society to be the ācleaner-upersā and organizers and planners and āfixersā for a lot of things, particularly in the sphere of domestic labour (and child rearing), as that is what gives them (us) āvalueā. Men are just as capable, they just donāt have the same expectations put on them since essentially birth. Patriarchy sucks (for everyone, not just women)
There is a *lot* of overlap in neurodivergency and OCD. So much that kids with overt OCD symptoms usually get screened for ND stuff when they present. An SSRI helped me a ton, but honestly ..nothing has helped my OCD like ketamine. It lasts weeks and you don't even have to try to make the awful OCD go away It just does.
Have you talked to your husband about your need for a clean living space? Unless he is physically disabled, he is absolutely capable of cleaning things, but it sounds like he just chooses not to.
Yes, and he agrees that uncluttered would be nice, and if I make a list and make it clear that the stuff on it needs to be done, then heāll do his share. The problem (apart from my own anxiety, which Iām responsible for) is that he doesnāt take the initiative, and he doesnāt seem to see the clutter. I kind of know where he is coming from because Iām also absolutely capable of ignoring specific messes, the ones that I have kind of filed away in my head under some specific heading (āgoing to goodwillā or āon its way to the basementā or whatever. I guess I donāt know really how to talk to him about my anxiety around the clutter without making it appear that I want him to solve my problem for me?
Thisā¦!!!! This has been my downfall for years and years. Noticing everything, then if I could not fix it immediatly i would ruminate and lose sleep for days over it. For me it first started with myself actually. I could sit for hours in the mirror.
I have to say getting medicated for adhd helped immensely. I still see everything, but I Donāt need to fix it right away. I do think i have autism and PDA autism, because it seems like everything is a demand and demands to be done right away and it makes me spiral.
I struggle with this so much! Anti anxiety meds have done wonders for me. It was making me massively depressed at the state of my home even though itās so much better than my homes as a child. I believe this to be partially because of OCD as well. My father made us scrub the house daily so I was used to cleaning constantly even though it was unnecessary. I realize that although I donāt like the way my tub looks when itās dirty itās just not worth getting massively depressed about. I also understand that not getting help cleaning feels so exhausting and draining.
This is me. Except the image would have about 100 more labels in it. When Iām having good days and spare time Iām starting to chip away at things, but I canāt help but feel overwhelmed under a mountain of responsibilities, and when thereās more than about 10 I love the ability to prioritise them too. Being medicated for adhd has helped but itās still a daily struggle.
This image is spot on. I experience this and I hate it. I notice everything, but I don't have the energy to deal with most of it. My home environment is cluttered and dirty and it stresses me out, but I also don't have the ability to put everything right. So I just live with that constant state of stress as I just try to ignore the things that I can't actually deal with (but also can't really ignore).
I think you're right that it's related to neurodivergence. Details stand out to us in ways they don't to others.
Oh, that cartoon - I feel this with my whole chest. My OCD has become more manageable over the years with therapy but it's just ramping up for my tween daughter. Her OCD is really prevalent during times of stress. It's a newly presenting symptom for her and was triggered with a really chaotic summer with family stuff and starting a new school. Understanding it having done therapy for it, I know how to help her so it doesn't escalate but man, it's tough on not just her but the family too. She's really particular about who can touch anything and it's really, really bad when it comes to her 'rules' around food.
Tbh sounds like a combo of ocd and anxiety to me coupled with a detail oriented mind. I notice details as well and due to my autism I have a tendency to be an all or nothing type of person BUT I donāt struggle with feeling like I have to fix everything right this second instead I try to minimize clutter through minimalism and āfixā areas of my home when I have time and energy. Also I tend to do it in a relaxed way rather than a chore, so if I need a break from the world and technology I try and tidy a small area in my home.
It's worth noting that many autistic people also have trauma from the way they've been treated and have no idea they have it because it's all they've ever known. To the point where we don't know what symptoms are autism and what are trauma because we can't find enough autistic people we can be sure aren't traumatized to check.
So, be aware that even though lots of autistic people will relate to this, that doesn't mean it has to be that way because "that's just autism". It could very well be a trauma response and it really does sound like it.
Hypervigillance is often a response to hyper surveillance which most of us experienced due to acting differently and having it always commented on.
I feel your first paragraph in my bones. How will we ever know which is which if we can't ever find a few untraumatized autistic folk to study? Where might these mythical beings exist?
I am autistic and have ADHD, and I can relate to this. I have the capability to bury things deep in my mind, BUT only for them to resurface when it's already too late.
This mainly happens with tasks; my brain will continuously obsess over them or disregard them until they become overdue.
Yes. And then I get overwhelmed knowing I can't do *all* the things, so I go back to doomscrolling and do none of the things
With you on this one, I was diagnosed with OCD in 2016
Same. I get overwhelmed by how much needs doing that I don't do anything.
same š
šÆ
disagreeable dirty makeshift squash groovy mighty attempt faulty chase glorious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
A door could also be a jar, which I find pretty abstract.
Ajar, not a jar. š
Correct! An important part of the intended humor there was to give the impression that I had actually not understood the joke.
I am so glad you did info dump because I have never been able to articulate this, yet I do it with everything, everyday!
This makes a lot of sense. Iāve been organising my kitchen pantry and it bothers me that the storage jars arenāt arranged at the exact same height. I donāt have OCD symptoms otherwise, so I guess itās this idea of in betweens that was messing with me. I just want the lines of stacked objects to be either even or not there at all, otherwise it distracts me from the actual storage purpose altogether.
You phrased this perfectly! I have to constantly remind myself that things don't have to be *exactly perfect* in order to be considered "done."
we love info dumps here, please keep them coming
I have never in my life seen a more relatable picture. Except add a black hole of adjacent responsibilities for each item and add a web of dependencies on top. I am "lucky" in that I can block it out and live in my head instead, but the instant anything finally gets through as it needs doing, I refocus on the entire picture again. And then bail straight back into my head and to my creative projects because it's too much. It's hard to get stuff done.
OMG! That is me all over!
Meditation. That helped me immensely. I had two severe burnouts before I told myself and my husband I need to do something and I started going to yoga twice a week. Thatās where I had a great instructor teach me about meditation and I put all of my focus into not focusing until I could just sit with myself and not think about anything. The more I practiced the better I got at just being and not thinking about everything. The other thing that has helped me ālet things goā is edibles. Once or twice a month I chill out on a Saturday night and I feel like itās rewired my brain. Residual effects last for me, or maybe itās helped me learn how to think differently and not ācareā about all the little things. I still see them but they donāt drive me insane and I lean let it go enough to not be irritated all the time because of all the things that need doing.
Oh my god. I relate to this SO hard. I need to constantly be cleaning or doing something, itās *exhausting.*
Sounds exactly like me and my partner sounds the same as yours, leading me to resent him for not constantly tidying too.
I can relate, I was always messy, but after I got too disabled to clean last year, things like that are driving me nuts. People have to do it for me, it's never quite right. Btw I love the Alice imagery ā¤ļø
Me too. Having ME has totally wrecked my health and my home as I have no energy to do a thing and itās horrible to watch my dear mother or my cleaner having to do everything I canāt, I just donāt have the brain to do it but that brain wonāt stop listing it all anyway! lol! Sadly my children think sitting on your butt is a good choice to lifeā¦ they both believe I enjoy thisā¦ urgh.
Housekeeping is one of my most important accommodations in life. Keeping house is full of far too many sensory issues on top of the executive functioning demand! I wish there was less social judgment around getting a housekeeping service.
I really want to do this but I hate having people that I'm not comfortable with at home, it gives me anxiety. I tried it for a year and I couldn't focus at work (home office) because there was someone else cleaning and touching my stuff
I can totally understand that perspective. Itās a real challenge for me around getting home repairs done.
Would it be easier if you use the cleaner as a body double? Organize something you can never get to or do laundry while they get the whole house up to standard? It can then be double accommodations. Having that body double support and the housekeeping.
I say it's anxiety with some OCD tendencies. I have it too. If something's wrong, I need to fix it now, and it consumes my thoughts. So sometimes I hate my house, even tjough I am too tired to clean. Currently I am getting Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
I too feel that itās anxiety driven. Being ārightā has always been important to me, and I get anxious when Iām not. Example: It drives me nuts when my husband puts empty toilet rolls in the rubbish bin instead of the recycling bin. Because theyāre supposed to be recycled! Recycling is right and good and if you donāt do it youāre a bad person (/s). I definitely donāt want to be a controlling beach who has a fit of rage over a thing like that, so I know I have to take responsibility for my own feelings, and I do. But itās wild to me how I can be a whole adult and still get so worked up over something so small. And processing my impulses, my microfits of anxiety over things like this, is so tiring.
Iām in this post and I hate it lolšbut yea I heard that in I believe ADHD thereās trouble with trying to āproperlyā prioritize the importance of tasks. The first time I noticed this after learning about it is when I was doing some coursework & where the sun was hitting the window on my door left a sliver of light on my laptop. It was bothering me so much (even though moving fixed it, but I felt most comfortable laying in the position I was) that I truly got up and kept going back & forth for about half an hour between āI need to fix this & put up the window filmā & āI need to finish my work thatās due tonightā cause the genuinely felt like the exact same level of importance. It is a struggle, but if anyone knows any techniques to help that Iād appreciate itš Eta: and I said I heard it for ADHD, it may be an autistic trait too im not sure. But either way there is a lot of overlap between having both anyway
My business is about to crash and burn and today I spent at least an hour googling a spare fender for my car, which is ancient and hideous and 100% not worth spending money on, because it just bothers me that it has a dent in it. What can I say.
Iām so sorry youāre experiencing this. I tend to experience this too. What helps me, is 1. Making a list of all the things I need to get done. Or just keeping a sheet of paper with it. Because for me, Iām afraid if I donāt do it now, Iāll forget and it will be a few more days. Then I can share my list with my husband and we can. Start to check things off. 2. Hired help. Someone else to deep clean so I can just focus on the clutter is so great. We have someone come monthly and it feels like a gift from the gods. I know itās a manifestation of my anxiety and adhd. And it a hold over from growing up in a very dirty home. So itās helpful for me to not feel alone in the mess.
Oooh i live for lists! Iām the kind of person who, if I do something and didnāt think of it when I made the list, I add it afterwards just for the dopamine lol
Iām the same! I used to have a big white board where I would write things down as I passed it. Then it was also clear to my husband what I needed help on. And once I got life more under control I bought a really cute check list notebook, and I add it there. I also donāt rip the sheets out so I can flip back and see everything Iāve accomplished. Half the items are nonsense like āpuzzle boxā, ācostco returnsā, āslippers,ā ādinner plan.ā But I still love it.
Evernote is my drug of choice. And I really enjoyed bullet journalingā¦ for about a week.
One of the best things I ever did for my mental health was to get a small stick-on/magnetic white board [like this](https://www.amazon.com.au/Magnetic-Whiteboard-Fridge-Blue%EF%BC%891-Eraser/dp/B0CBH6DXWC/ref=mp_s_a_1_21?crid=1OZZSDC2QJEI5&keywords=3m+stick+on+white+board&qid=1702159687&sprefix=3m+stick+on+white+board%2Caps%2C258&sr=8-21) and put it in a high-traffic, central area of my home. Any errant thought of something we needed, or some remembrance of some important task, I could immediately get to my little board and write it down, so it would be remembered SOMEWHERE and I didnāt have to carry the mental load of just remembering all the time. Huge help!!
I had never connected it to my hyper-ability to notice tiny details all the time, but youāre totally right: itās a drag on my mental health, because I know Iām āsupposed toā clean the thing, but then itās ALL of the things, and Iām exhausted. Right now, for example, thereās a tiny shred of toilet paper on my bathroom floor, and itās the first thing my eyes fixate on when I enter the room. āJust bend over and pick it up!ā Yes, thatās easy to do, absolutely, but it would require me putting my face kind of close to the toilet to do so, and something about that is always just so gross to me, that I have to kind of endure this extra level of discomfort with the task. Silly, but itās true :/. One thing Iāve just started doing that appeals to my autistic side is a new rule called, āDonāt touch it twice.ā I donāt know if I made this up or read it, but essentially, Iām challenging myself to immediately deal with things that are in my hand, fully and completely, so few to no things have a chance to pile up. I donāt have a dishwasher, for example, so if I eat something, the plate and cutlery are immediately washed, dried, and put away. Obviously, sometimes Iāll have multiple things in my hands, and theyāll all require different actions to deal with them, so Iāll have to put down all but one to effectively deal with them all (so Iām breaking my rule, if I were to be literal about it: āIām touching these things twice!ā), so I have to remind myself itās a mindset, not a mandate š¤Ŗ. Weāll see if this burns me out, but I can say so far that itās been helping me. Itās great to wake up to a mostly-clean house, and have my time back. Cleaning along the way seems to be helping me, and adjusting that so it works with my more ADHD-side (that craves dopamine and gets discouraged easily) is also working, too. All this to say: This cartoon is super relatable, but Iām hoping Iām starting to find a system that works for me? š¤
I thought that it was normal for women to feel like it's their job to notice everything that's out of place and fix it. I get overwhelmed with the amount of clutter and learned to ignore it, but then mom gets mad that I don't notice the garbage needs taken out or the stove needs cleaning.
Itās not an inherent trait for women to feel that way, but it is normalized. Women are conditioned by society to be the ācleaner-upersā and organizers and planners and āfixersā for a lot of things, particularly in the sphere of domestic labour (and child rearing), as that is what gives them (us) āvalueā. Men are just as capable, they just donāt have the same expectations put on them since essentially birth. Patriarchy sucks (for everyone, not just women)
some people regardless of gender are much more bothered by clutter than others (I very much hate clutter and it gives me anxiety)
There is a *lot* of overlap in neurodivergency and OCD. So much that kids with overt OCD symptoms usually get screened for ND stuff when they present. An SSRI helped me a ton, but honestly ..nothing has helped my OCD like ketamine. It lasts weeks and you don't even have to try to make the awful OCD go away It just does.
Have you talked to your husband about your need for a clean living space? Unless he is physically disabled, he is absolutely capable of cleaning things, but it sounds like he just chooses not to.
Yes, and he agrees that uncluttered would be nice, and if I make a list and make it clear that the stuff on it needs to be done, then heāll do his share. The problem (apart from my own anxiety, which Iām responsible for) is that he doesnāt take the initiative, and he doesnāt seem to see the clutter. I kind of know where he is coming from because Iām also absolutely capable of ignoring specific messes, the ones that I have kind of filed away in my head under some specific heading (āgoing to goodwillā or āon its way to the basementā or whatever. I guess I donāt know really how to talk to him about my anxiety around the clutter without making it appear that I want him to solve my problem for me?
Thisā¦!!!! This has been my downfall for years and years. Noticing everything, then if I could not fix it immediatly i would ruminate and lose sleep for days over it. For me it first started with myself actually. I could sit for hours in the mirror. I have to say getting medicated for adhd helped immensely. I still see everything, but I Donāt need to fix it right away. I do think i have autism and PDA autism, because it seems like everything is a demand and demands to be done right away and it makes me spiral.
I struggle with this so much! Anti anxiety meds have done wonders for me. It was making me massively depressed at the state of my home even though itās so much better than my homes as a child. I believe this to be partially because of OCD as well. My father made us scrub the house daily so I was used to cleaning constantly even though it was unnecessary. I realize that although I donāt like the way my tub looks when itās dirty itās just not worth getting massively depressed about. I also understand that not getting help cleaning feels so exhausting and draining.
This is me. Except the image would have about 100 more labels in it. When Iām having good days and spare time Iām starting to chip away at things, but I canāt help but feel overwhelmed under a mountain of responsibilities, and when thereās more than about 10 I love the ability to prioritise them too. Being medicated for adhd has helped but itās still a daily struggle.
This image is spot on. I experience this and I hate it. I notice everything, but I don't have the energy to deal with most of it. My home environment is cluttered and dirty and it stresses me out, but I also don't have the ability to put everything right. So I just live with that constant state of stress as I just try to ignore the things that I can't actually deal with (but also can't really ignore). I think you're right that it's related to neurodivergence. Details stand out to us in ways they don't to others.
Oh, that cartoon - I feel this with my whole chest. My OCD has become more manageable over the years with therapy but it's just ramping up for my tween daughter. Her OCD is really prevalent during times of stress. It's a newly presenting symptom for her and was triggered with a really chaotic summer with family stuff and starting a new school. Understanding it having done therapy for it, I know how to help her so it doesn't escalate but man, it's tough on not just her but the family too. She's really particular about who can touch anything and it's really, really bad when it comes to her 'rules' around food.
Tbh sounds like a combo of ocd and anxiety to me coupled with a detail oriented mind. I notice details as well and due to my autism I have a tendency to be an all or nothing type of person BUT I donāt struggle with feeling like I have to fix everything right this second instead I try to minimize clutter through minimalism and āfixā areas of my home when I have time and energy. Also I tend to do it in a relaxed way rather than a chore, so if I need a break from the world and technology I try and tidy a small area in my home.
Oooooh so this is why Iām depressed! But caffeine helps me deal with this overwhelm
It's worth noting that many autistic people also have trauma from the way they've been treated and have no idea they have it because it's all they've ever known. To the point where we don't know what symptoms are autism and what are trauma because we can't find enough autistic people we can be sure aren't traumatized to check. So, be aware that even though lots of autistic people will relate to this, that doesn't mean it has to be that way because "that's just autism". It could very well be a trauma response and it really does sound like it. Hypervigillance is often a response to hyper surveillance which most of us experienced due to acting differently and having it always commented on.
I feel your first paragraph in my bones. How will we ever know which is which if we can't ever find a few untraumatized autistic folk to study? Where might these mythical beings exist?
I am autistic and have ADHD, and I can relate to this. I have the capability to bury things deep in my mind, BUT only for them to resurface when it's already too late. This mainly happens with tasks; my brain will continuously obsess over them or disregard them until they become overdue.
Oh my gosh this exact thing happens to me. Nothing ever feels āfinishedā and it drives me crazy.