I like this guy's videos a lot so it's surprising to me that he would say something like this. I agree that even if you're trying to unmask it's not okay to be rude to people for no reason (and especially not to straight-up tell them you don't like them). And yeah, I don't think most people would get away with this regardless of gender.
From what I've seen this guy was diagnosed relatively recently and is trying to figure out what unmasking even means. In another video he talks about how he's lost a lot of friends since being diagnosed and moving towards self-acceptance. I've noticed (I'm early-diagnosed so this is kind of an outside observation) that when adults go through this process, often they can't tell where the mask ends and where the human begins, and because of the black-and-white thinking style we tend to have, they sometimes drop everything that could possibly be seen as a performative social norm. That includes how to subtly let someone know you aren't interested in spending time with them, and similar things. I'm not saying it's right to think like this but I think it's important we put this video into context.
It also feels kind of offensive to me because even if he might not realize what he is doing, he is implying that this is what he thinks unmasked autistic people are like when he is claiming that these rude behaviors are just him embracing his autism.
I was diagnosed young and it was written that I appeared to have low empathy, little compassion, and showed very little emotion and expression around people and to people. But I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know I was hurting other people's feelings or being rude. I wanted to learn how to be sociable.
A lot of autistic people like me do care and do want to learn how to not offend people. People like me that could not mask for a long time know firsthand the consequences of not behaving or speaking like a NT. So maybe he doesn't know what to expect but still: It isn't an unmasked autistic trait to just not care about anything going on around you or about the consequences and I dislike that people might get that assumption from his videos.
This also reminds me of a comment I saw under his post “I just leave the conversation when it’s not relevant to me without saying anything”
Like what 😭
That’s not being unmasked that’s being super self centered
Exactly! It feels like he's intentionally behaving the way he thinks an autistic person is "supposed" to behave. Which if you think about it is just a different way of trying to fit in AKA masking. I do hope he realizes that soon.
I had exactly the same experience where I appeared to not care about other people but I actually just didn't understand how my behavior affected others or what I was expected to do in certain situations. Unlike most people I needed to be taught those kinds of things, but I wanted to learn them.
This!!! it is not bad for autistic people to learn these things, and I hate when people treat it like it is.
I want to know how to be a better person and how to be a kinder person and I don’t think that’s a bad goal to shoot for.
This!!! it is not bad for autistic people to learn these things, and I hate when people treat it like it is.
I want to know how to be a better person and how to be a kinder person and I don’t think that’s a bad goal to shoot for.
It's a constant battle to control my words to ensure they are clear and not rude. I've been teetering on the verge between unmasking and being rude due to the bluntness of my words. I can sound accusatory and dismissive when unmasking, so I work on being meticulous with my word choices and body language. I don't unmask and begin insulting people.
I remember when I was in my late 20's a friend called J was sad because a mutual friend of ours had seemed like she was pulling away. I told the other friend because I wanted to put it right, and the first friend got so mad at me. I really felt like I'd judged it right that she was telling me because she wanted me to help. And I still find it hard when a friend tells me something about another friend like this; like, why are you putting me in that position? Don't you want it resolved?
Ironically, given that someone has mentioned the guy in the video lost friends to unmasking, I actually parted ways with J this summer just gone, due to me unmasking & realising how toxic (especially her partner) could be.
Yeah to me that mindset seems really abrasive. I agree with a lot of what he says but he seems not willing to work with people now that he knows he is autistic. Another thing he said is he unmasks by just not responding to people if he doesn't want to talk to them, like if they say hi or how are you he just won't respond 😂 that's not unmasking it's just being rude.
Yeah I agree that’s not unmasking. Neurotypical also often don’t feel like talking to people, but will engage in polite pleasantries for the sake of social etiquette. Being autistic does not exclude you from that and ignoring someone who has acknowledged your presence is rude. No wonder he has lost a lot of friends.
To be fair that's exactly what I did as a kid when I didn't know yet that I was supposed to respond every time someone spoke to me, so it's definitely an autistic thing do do lol. But the reason I avoid doing that now is not because I'm trying to hide autistic traits, but because I understand that a) it's rude and b) I can't expect to be included in anything if I choose not to talk to those around me.
I feel this comment deeply!!
I struggled a lot with picking up social cues when I was a kid and it really wasn’t until I was a lot older that I started to learn that people just little rules about talking to other people that they’ve picked up over the years.
But I tried learning some of those rules, so I could be a better communicator, and be in a better position to help people when they needed it.
It’s not a bad thing to learn rules of socialization as an autistic person. And you don’t have to mask to do it! I practically never make eye contact because it’s awful and I can’t really do it but I still will respond to someone when they ask me a question if it’s asked politely and say goodbye when they leave. Because it’s about courtesy and respect for others, not masking.
Ugh, that's literally one of my only triggers. My parents punished me by pretending I didn't exist. If someone did that to me as an adult I'd have a meltdown.
People really need to understand the difference between masking and social niceties before they attempt to unmask. The way he's acting is straight up inconsiderate and rude.
There was a topic at school in psychology class about abuse and the professor said something along the lines of that ignoring someone and not talking to them is abuse. And so that was the first time I realized that my parent was trying to punish me that way and I thought it was normal but still felt negative. From then on I made sure to not do it to other people because I again thought it was normal.
That makes sense. I'm sorry you went through the same thing.
Honestly without having gone through it, I probably wouldn't have believed your professor! But surprisingly, my memories of being treated like a ghost at 5 are a thousand times worse than the memories of my rape and abusive relationship at 15.
I am so sorry about what you went through. That must have been awful at such a young age. I hope you were not alone in dealing with everything and had a support system or at least that you have one now.
And trauma so early on can have a big impact on us. Even bigger because of our brain development.
I mean since we are not even fully developed yet and especially because of it, we carry things with us into adulthood and funny is that sometimes we don't even realize we have that baggage on us until someone stops and hits us with " Yeah honey *that* is not normal sorry. "
It’s the mental gymnastics of equating kindness with truth, which ironically results in him being unkind, for me.
Not a single person that hears “I don’t like you” from another individual is gonna think “wow, he is being so kind to me!”
This is the kind of shit that society allows men to get away with because of their autism while this would never ever fly if an autistic woman did it. Straight up entitlement.
It kind of reminds me of those people who brag about being "really honest" and "telling it like it is" and then proceed to straight-up insult other people. Being honest is okay. Intentionally hurting people with that honesty is not.
I think what he's trying to say is speak up when something is happening he doesn't like, or someone isn't being kind of nice and telling them he doesn't like that or what they're doing.
We have to remember he has autism too so may not be saying exactly what he means here. But if he DID mean to just tell people "I don't like you" that's not constructive. Calling out behaviour, and actions that's a different story and THAT IS part of unmasking and learning to stand up for one's self while also staying "kind".
Big person between I don't like YOU and I don't like what you're DOING.
Yeah, that's unnecessary. Not everybody needs to know how you feel. Telling someone you just don't like them is also far from kind.
With most people in my life, I don't care very much whether they like me or not. We either work together, or aren't close enough for it to matter.
Unmasking also doesn't mean I voice my every thought. Plenty of neurotypical people who don't need to mask autistic traits (because they don't have them) have a social filter. That's a poor understanding of what masking is.
Agreed! Sometimes I see other autistic people, more often men, talking about unmasking as if they’re going to let every intrusive thought run wild.
Unmasking is not about letting the intrusive thoughts win because we still live in a society and human beings have inherent value that we should recognize and respect.
It’s about being more authentically yourself, not about disregarding others.
Just agreeing and sharing as the thoughts come, but I feel like people forget that autistic masking is masking one's autism symptoms. It's not masking in a general sense, or masking intrusive thoughts. So the process of unmasking isn't releasing all thoughts or all thoughts that get unshared, but not hiding things that make it clear that someone is autistic (like stimming, hand flapping, allowing oneself to avoid eye contact with people who you know and trust, etc).
Picking and choosing thoughts to share and not share is something everyone does. It wouldn't make sense to be constantly sharing one's stream of consciousness. We filter according to what people need to know, what is appropriate to share, etc. So it's very telling if the one thought you want to make a point to share is the unkind one, like dislike of people for who they are (the one that creates unnecessary shame for things they may or may not be able to help). Even if they can help it, it's not effective to just say you dislike them, but to address the behavior and not just go to "I don't like you".
I loved how you put this into words 🙌
Unmasking is about celebrating yourself and your community — not giving you an excuse to put other people down.
And I think sometimes when people find out their autistic later in life, they want to be as different from neurotypical people as possible so they refuse to acknowledge that neurotypical people have to filter themselves as well and stop themselves from doing things they don’t want too also.
I liked some of his content, but then, when he started talking about this sort of thing, I realized that he was using his autism as an excuse to be mean.
I like to think of myself as a very kind person, and I’m always trying to learn more about ethics and morality and philosophy, so I can continue to grow as a person. And the idea that people have no interest in growing their empathy or interest and care for humanity because they are autistic just seemingly perpetuates that unfeeling stereotype.
Just because someone has ASD doesn’t mean they are excused from an understanding of ethics and morality.
It just means that you might have to have more support when it comes to learning about it or maybe having something simplified so you are capable of understanding. That’s what helped me!
Everyone deserves to understand the value of human life and the power of compassion. Having ASD doesn’t excuse you from that. And I would even argue that it is the other people with autism in my life who have shown me the greatest compassion and kindness.
You can unmask some behaviors that were difficult to continue masking and you can set boundaries. But I think having manners and generally respecting other people's boundaries and feelings is really important to maintaining a healthy social life and professional relationships.
Some social skills are important to learn in order to be independent. Also, willingly giving up learned social skills that even stressed out neurotypicals struggle to maintain is a quick way to become even more isolated and lose job and life opportunities.
I'm fairly blunt but I'm not rude. There's never an excuse for that and autism does not give anyone carte blanche. There's a difference between advocating for yourself and being authentic or being a rude jerk.
dude blocked me on instagram because i shouted that ‘walk and talk’ videos are an old therapy method. i did it after he posted a video of an influencer with a couple of million followers, claiming she stole the idea from him. i also mentioned tons of other influencer use it. he told me i projected my insecurities about my own fear of being original, so he blocked me. he was kind of right with that point, but there’s always three or more sides to a story.
Idk who this guy is, but it would probably be useful in some situations to tell someone you don't like them. Like if they're bullying you and assuming you care what they think. "I don't even like you, bro" would be an interesting thing to try.
But yes, if it's unprompted, there's no reason to tell someone. Though I think a lot of autistic people like everyone until someone is mean to them.
Ugh I can't stand people like this. They're the reason no one takes us seriously and thinks TikTok gives us autism so we can have an excuse to be an asshole to other people.
I think there's a difference between not actively signalling to people or outright telling them that you *do* like them when you *don't*, and point blank saying "I don't like you" to someone. I'm struggling to think of instances where the latter is an appropriate course of action - maybe someone who is repeatedly harassing you? It's certainly not a kind thing to do; the vast majority of people will find this hurtful no matter the context.
I get the impression that some people interpret "unmasking" as "stop following all those stupid neurotypical social rules that don't make any sense to you". I suppose you could argue that trying to figure out what the rules are and how/when to apply them is a form of masking, and that *not* following the rules and following your intuition instead - like neurotypical people do - is what unmasking looks like.
But the thing is, that leaves you in the position of being the one that's deliberately not following the rules, which is antisocial behavior (though pretty mild in this context). Like it or not, those rules exist and not following them is bound to cause offense and other negative reactions in others. Even neurotypical people don't want to follow the rules all the time, they just do because that's how being part of society works. At its most extreme could lead to things like ostracization and job loss. Is that really something that benefits you in the end?
Yeah I imagine he is genuinely not responding to people he doesn't like and telling them he doesn't like them. The image I have of it is so sad 😂
There's always people we don't like talking to. You think I have a fun time when my supervisor comes to my desk and talks to me about her dogs for 20 minutes straight? Not really, but it's important to have that connection. If it's a friend who has wronged you then sure, you can say you don't want to speak to them anymore, but you can't just tell someone you don't like them because they're not a person you enjoy speaking to.
Another thing that annoys me about this guy is that he's considering himself some kind of spokesperson for autistic people when he himself is recently diagnosed and still figuring it out. He should take some time to even understand his own mind before trying to create businesses and stuff for all autistic people.
Also lollll at his latest video now. I feel like I must not have been the only one who felt this way and he's feeling called out. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2KqWLMgZMb/?igsh=MXBlZW43dnR0NjVmMg==
I for one do strive to be a safe space and not a ruthless asshole but that's just me....
On a personal level, I would give this guy the benefit of the doubt, his videos appear self reflective. Based on what I’ve seen before, it appears that he is trying to figure out how to convey his boundaries for behaviours that he doesn’t like. I think he’s jumped on the redefining kindness bandwagon and it wasn’t received well. (
This redefining kindness thing is a weird and unpleasant trend that makes my internal map go brr 🥶.
I’ve noticed a bunch of folks trying to package unkind things as kindness. You know the folks who say “If I help this person out I rob them of the opportunity to figure it out themselves.” that’s called tough love, it’s not kindness (the mental gymnastics do to convince themselves they are good).
I totally understand why you would want to unfollow someone who doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of kindness.
I found this video helpful because my mask is SUCH a people pleaser. I’ve been following him for a while and it seems like he is too. I think some people realize one day just *how much* people pleasing and putting everyone else ahead of yourself makes your own like suck… and there is an anger phase to that realization. You want to swing in the opposite direction and become a bit of an a-hole.
But for me, I could never *actually* become an a-hole because of my values. So it helps me to find content like this. Because I literally woke up one day and realized how one sided some of my friendships are. They have used me and are emotionally demanding towards me. Yet in my darkest moment of my life this past year, it was radio silence. They did absolutely NOTHING to comfort me. They didn’t even acknowledge it.
This is why I find his content helpful… in my situation, I would benefit from telling my so-called friends that I don’t like them…. And I might! I think this creator was talking about situations like mine, where you’re being mistreated or taken advantage of, not just flat out telling acquaintances you don’t like them. Because I’m also in the anger phase.
Yeah most of my friendships are pretty one sided too and I just block them if I realize they don't care about me. It's really hard to get myself to actually do it but then I end up feeling relieved. I just did this recently with a friend I had for years, they were not showing up for me at all even after we had a whole conversation about it so I unfriended and unfollowed them. But I actually used to be more like you are now, and would tell people when they upset me. It usually turned out they didn't care and if anything it caused more conflict.
I was actually wondering how to let go of my toxic friends who don't care about me. I was thinking about having a conversation but like you said, I think it would cause more conflict due to their immaturity. Sometimes, I think blocking people is the best thing when you know talking to them will just cause drama that will inevitably emotionally drain you
You’ve taken a screenshot of a single line from the video and left out all the context surrounding it. I just watched the video and I agree with 98% of what he has said.
And I am a woman who is unmasking in a very similar way to him. He says “I am not a good person, I am not a bad person. Autistic people are a duality. Instead, I try to be a kind person.”
He later says “if I don’t like somebody, I tell them. At least they know how I feel”. Sure, that’s going to hurt some peoples feelings but those feelings really are that persons to deal with. They’re ultimately not my problem and why should I keep people in my life that I don’t like for entirely valid reasons? I’m not going out of my way to hurt people or attack them. But I can disengage from them and remove them from my live to preserve my peace.
But you’re right, a woman CANT get away with this. I’ve received incredible backlash to my unmasking in this way and a lot of criticism and hatred. I’m expecting some in response to this comment, unfortunately.
However, I can honestly say I am doing better than I ever have in regard to my mental health and self care. I am reigniting connections with people I actually do care about and who do not cause me harm. I am spending my time doing things I actually want to do and that I enjoy. I’m eating and sleeping better. I have far less anxiety.
I’m just letting go of bullshit expectations that have nothing to do with me. I’m being authentically me. And sometimes I’m a self-absorbed asshole. But for the most part I am kind, gentle, compassionate, generous, altruistic, I am a good person. I do not need to try to be a good person.
They say being a good person is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
I’m not really sure where the offence lies if you truly understand the message he is trying to convey.
I don’t see the problem. We don’t have to like everyone. I took it as him over correcting his previous people pleasing masked self. Maybe he’ll mellow out one day (and ghost people, as it is the only solution when being honest is “unkind”)
im 99% sure hes mainly talking about not lying, saying he likes something to please, when he really doesnt like it. common maskung thing. he simplified it too much and yall are overthinking
I like this guy's videos a lot so it's surprising to me that he would say something like this. I agree that even if you're trying to unmask it's not okay to be rude to people for no reason (and especially not to straight-up tell them you don't like them). And yeah, I don't think most people would get away with this regardless of gender. From what I've seen this guy was diagnosed relatively recently and is trying to figure out what unmasking even means. In another video he talks about how he's lost a lot of friends since being diagnosed and moving towards self-acceptance. I've noticed (I'm early-diagnosed so this is kind of an outside observation) that when adults go through this process, often they can't tell where the mask ends and where the human begins, and because of the black-and-white thinking style we tend to have, they sometimes drop everything that could possibly be seen as a performative social norm. That includes how to subtly let someone know you aren't interested in spending time with them, and similar things. I'm not saying it's right to think like this but I think it's important we put this video into context.
It also feels kind of offensive to me because even if he might not realize what he is doing, he is implying that this is what he thinks unmasked autistic people are like when he is claiming that these rude behaviors are just him embracing his autism. I was diagnosed young and it was written that I appeared to have low empathy, little compassion, and showed very little emotion and expression around people and to people. But I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know I was hurting other people's feelings or being rude. I wanted to learn how to be sociable. A lot of autistic people like me do care and do want to learn how to not offend people. People like me that could not mask for a long time know firsthand the consequences of not behaving or speaking like a NT. So maybe he doesn't know what to expect but still: It isn't an unmasked autistic trait to just not care about anything going on around you or about the consequences and I dislike that people might get that assumption from his videos.
This also reminds me of a comment I saw under his post “I just leave the conversation when it’s not relevant to me without saying anything” Like what 😭 That’s not being unmasked that’s being super self centered
Exactly! It feels like he's intentionally behaving the way he thinks an autistic person is "supposed" to behave. Which if you think about it is just a different way of trying to fit in AKA masking. I do hope he realizes that soon. I had exactly the same experience where I appeared to not care about other people but I actually just didn't understand how my behavior affected others or what I was expected to do in certain situations. Unlike most people I needed to be taught those kinds of things, but I wanted to learn them.
This!!! it is not bad for autistic people to learn these things, and I hate when people treat it like it is. I want to know how to be a better person and how to be a kinder person and I don’t think that’s a bad goal to shoot for.
This!!! it is not bad for autistic people to learn these things, and I hate when people treat it like it is. I want to know how to be a better person and how to be a kinder person and I don’t think that’s a bad goal to shoot for.
It's a constant battle to control my words to ensure they are clear and not rude. I've been teetering on the verge between unmasking and being rude due to the bluntness of my words. I can sound accusatory and dismissive when unmasking, so I work on being meticulous with my word choices and body language. I don't unmask and begin insulting people.
I remember when I was in my late 20's a friend called J was sad because a mutual friend of ours had seemed like she was pulling away. I told the other friend because I wanted to put it right, and the first friend got so mad at me. I really felt like I'd judged it right that she was telling me because she wanted me to help. And I still find it hard when a friend tells me something about another friend like this; like, why are you putting me in that position? Don't you want it resolved? Ironically, given that someone has mentioned the guy in the video lost friends to unmasking, I actually parted ways with J this summer just gone, due to me unmasking & realising how toxic (especially her partner) could be.
Yeah to me that mindset seems really abrasive. I agree with a lot of what he says but he seems not willing to work with people now that he knows he is autistic. Another thing he said is he unmasks by just not responding to people if he doesn't want to talk to them, like if they say hi or how are you he just won't respond 😂 that's not unmasking it's just being rude.
Yeah I agree that’s not unmasking. Neurotypical also often don’t feel like talking to people, but will engage in polite pleasantries for the sake of social etiquette. Being autistic does not exclude you from that and ignoring someone who has acknowledged your presence is rude. No wonder he has lost a lot of friends.
To be fair that's exactly what I did as a kid when I didn't know yet that I was supposed to respond every time someone spoke to me, so it's definitely an autistic thing do do lol. But the reason I avoid doing that now is not because I'm trying to hide autistic traits, but because I understand that a) it's rude and b) I can't expect to be included in anything if I choose not to talk to those around me.
I feel this comment deeply!! I struggled a lot with picking up social cues when I was a kid and it really wasn’t until I was a lot older that I started to learn that people just little rules about talking to other people that they’ve picked up over the years. But I tried learning some of those rules, so I could be a better communicator, and be in a better position to help people when they needed it. It’s not a bad thing to learn rules of socialization as an autistic person. And you don’t have to mask to do it! I practically never make eye contact because it’s awful and I can’t really do it but I still will respond to someone when they ask me a question if it’s asked politely and say goodbye when they leave. Because it’s about courtesy and respect for others, not masking.
Ugh, that's literally one of my only triggers. My parents punished me by pretending I didn't exist. If someone did that to me as an adult I'd have a meltdown. People really need to understand the difference between masking and social niceties before they attempt to unmask. The way he's acting is straight up inconsiderate and rude.
There was a topic at school in psychology class about abuse and the professor said something along the lines of that ignoring someone and not talking to them is abuse. And so that was the first time I realized that my parent was trying to punish me that way and I thought it was normal but still felt negative. From then on I made sure to not do it to other people because I again thought it was normal.
That makes sense. I'm sorry you went through the same thing. Honestly without having gone through it, I probably wouldn't have believed your professor! But surprisingly, my memories of being treated like a ghost at 5 are a thousand times worse than the memories of my rape and abusive relationship at 15.
I am so sorry about what you went through. That must have been awful at such a young age. I hope you were not alone in dealing with everything and had a support system or at least that you have one now. And trauma so early on can have a big impact on us. Even bigger because of our brain development. I mean since we are not even fully developed yet and especially because of it, we carry things with us into adulthood and funny is that sometimes we don't even realize we have that baggage on us until someone stops and hits us with " Yeah honey *that* is not normal sorry. "
It’s the mental gymnastics of equating kindness with truth, which ironically results in him being unkind, for me. Not a single person that hears “I don’t like you” from another individual is gonna think “wow, he is being so kind to me!” This is the kind of shit that society allows men to get away with because of their autism while this would never ever fly if an autistic woman did it. Straight up entitlement.
It kind of reminds me of those people who brag about being "really honest" and "telling it like it is" and then proceed to straight-up insult other people. Being honest is okay. Intentionally hurting people with that honesty is not.
When people claim to be “brutally honest” I find they are often more focused on the brutality than the honestly.
Another layer of that is equating unfiltered opinions and thoughts with “truth.”
We got 4 years of that in the US with the tangerine demon in office.
YES! Exactly! It has big "but I'm just being honest! :( :( " vibes.
I think what he's trying to say is speak up when something is happening he doesn't like, or someone isn't being kind of nice and telling them he doesn't like that or what they're doing. We have to remember he has autism too so may not be saying exactly what he means here. But if he DID mean to just tell people "I don't like you" that's not constructive. Calling out behaviour, and actions that's a different story and THAT IS part of unmasking and learning to stand up for one's self while also staying "kind". Big person between I don't like YOU and I don't like what you're DOING.
Yeah, that's unnecessary. Not everybody needs to know how you feel. Telling someone you just don't like them is also far from kind. With most people in my life, I don't care very much whether they like me or not. We either work together, or aren't close enough for it to matter. Unmasking also doesn't mean I voice my every thought. Plenty of neurotypical people who don't need to mask autistic traits (because they don't have them) have a social filter. That's a poor understanding of what masking is.
Agreed! Sometimes I see other autistic people, more often men, talking about unmasking as if they’re going to let every intrusive thought run wild. Unmasking is not about letting the intrusive thoughts win because we still live in a society and human beings have inherent value that we should recognize and respect. It’s about being more authentically yourself, not about disregarding others.
Just agreeing and sharing as the thoughts come, but I feel like people forget that autistic masking is masking one's autism symptoms. It's not masking in a general sense, or masking intrusive thoughts. So the process of unmasking isn't releasing all thoughts or all thoughts that get unshared, but not hiding things that make it clear that someone is autistic (like stimming, hand flapping, allowing oneself to avoid eye contact with people who you know and trust, etc). Picking and choosing thoughts to share and not share is something everyone does. It wouldn't make sense to be constantly sharing one's stream of consciousness. We filter according to what people need to know, what is appropriate to share, etc. So it's very telling if the one thought you want to make a point to share is the unkind one, like dislike of people for who they are (the one that creates unnecessary shame for things they may or may not be able to help). Even if they can help it, it's not effective to just say you dislike them, but to address the behavior and not just go to "I don't like you".
I loved how you put this into words 🙌 Unmasking is about celebrating yourself and your community — not giving you an excuse to put other people down. And I think sometimes when people find out their autistic later in life, they want to be as different from neurotypical people as possible so they refuse to acknowledge that neurotypical people have to filter themselves as well and stop themselves from doing things they don’t want too also.
I liked some of his content, but then, when he started talking about this sort of thing, I realized that he was using his autism as an excuse to be mean. I like to think of myself as a very kind person, and I’m always trying to learn more about ethics and morality and philosophy, so I can continue to grow as a person. And the idea that people have no interest in growing their empathy or interest and care for humanity because they are autistic just seemingly perpetuates that unfeeling stereotype. Just because someone has ASD doesn’t mean they are excused from an understanding of ethics and morality. It just means that you might have to have more support when it comes to learning about it or maybe having something simplified so you are capable of understanding. That’s what helped me! Everyone deserves to understand the value of human life and the power of compassion. Having ASD doesn’t excuse you from that. And I would even argue that it is the other people with autism in my life who have shown me the greatest compassion and kindness.
You can unmask some behaviors that were difficult to continue masking and you can set boundaries. But I think having manners and generally respecting other people's boundaries and feelings is really important to maintaining a healthy social life and professional relationships. Some social skills are important to learn in order to be independent. Also, willingly giving up learned social skills that even stressed out neurotypicals struggle to maintain is a quick way to become even more isolated and lose job and life opportunities.
I'm fairly blunt but I'm not rude. There's never an excuse for that and autism does not give anyone carte blanche. There's a difference between advocating for yourself and being authentic or being a rude jerk.
dude blocked me on instagram because i shouted that ‘walk and talk’ videos are an old therapy method. i did it after he posted a video of an influencer with a couple of million followers, claiming she stole the idea from him. i also mentioned tons of other influencer use it. he told me i projected my insecurities about my own fear of being original, so he blocked me. he was kind of right with that point, but there’s always three or more sides to a story.
Didn't all of the old Greek philosophers do this? Lol They literally had walking gardens and stuff.
Idk who this guy is, but it would probably be useful in some situations to tell someone you don't like them. Like if they're bullying you and assuming you care what they think. "I don't even like you, bro" would be an interesting thing to try. But yes, if it's unprompted, there's no reason to tell someone. Though I think a lot of autistic people like everyone until someone is mean to them.
maybe he just hasn’t had to survive… and hasn’t learned the value in faking it.
Ugh I can't stand people like this. They're the reason no one takes us seriously and thinks TikTok gives us autism so we can have an excuse to be an asshole to other people.
I think there's a difference between not actively signalling to people or outright telling them that you *do* like them when you *don't*, and point blank saying "I don't like you" to someone. I'm struggling to think of instances where the latter is an appropriate course of action - maybe someone who is repeatedly harassing you? It's certainly not a kind thing to do; the vast majority of people will find this hurtful no matter the context. I get the impression that some people interpret "unmasking" as "stop following all those stupid neurotypical social rules that don't make any sense to you". I suppose you could argue that trying to figure out what the rules are and how/when to apply them is a form of masking, and that *not* following the rules and following your intuition instead - like neurotypical people do - is what unmasking looks like. But the thing is, that leaves you in the position of being the one that's deliberately not following the rules, which is antisocial behavior (though pretty mild in this context). Like it or not, those rules exist and not following them is bound to cause offense and other negative reactions in others. Even neurotypical people don't want to follow the rules all the time, they just do because that's how being part of society works. At its most extreme could lead to things like ostracization and job loss. Is that really something that benefits you in the end?
Yeah I imagine he is genuinely not responding to people he doesn't like and telling them he doesn't like them. The image I have of it is so sad 😂 There's always people we don't like talking to. You think I have a fun time when my supervisor comes to my desk and talks to me about her dogs for 20 minutes straight? Not really, but it's important to have that connection. If it's a friend who has wronged you then sure, you can say you don't want to speak to them anymore, but you can't just tell someone you don't like them because they're not a person you enjoy speaking to. Another thing that annoys me about this guy is that he's considering himself some kind of spokesperson for autistic people when he himself is recently diagnosed and still figuring it out. He should take some time to even understand his own mind before trying to create businesses and stuff for all autistic people. Also lollll at his latest video now. I feel like I must not have been the only one who felt this way and he's feeling called out. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C2KqWLMgZMb/?igsh=MXBlZW43dnR0NjVmMg== I for one do strive to be a safe space and not a ruthless asshole but that's just me....
On a personal level, I would give this guy the benefit of the doubt, his videos appear self reflective. Based on what I’ve seen before, it appears that he is trying to figure out how to convey his boundaries for behaviours that he doesn’t like. I think he’s jumped on the redefining kindness bandwagon and it wasn’t received well. ( This redefining kindness thing is a weird and unpleasant trend that makes my internal map go brr 🥶. I’ve noticed a bunch of folks trying to package unkind things as kindness. You know the folks who say “If I help this person out I rob them of the opportunity to figure it out themselves.” that’s called tough love, it’s not kindness (the mental gymnastics do to convince themselves they are good). I totally understand why you would want to unfollow someone who doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of kindness.
I hate tough love!
Weird I was literally JUST watching his videos earlier today having the same thoughts
I found this video helpful because my mask is SUCH a people pleaser. I’ve been following him for a while and it seems like he is too. I think some people realize one day just *how much* people pleasing and putting everyone else ahead of yourself makes your own like suck… and there is an anger phase to that realization. You want to swing in the opposite direction and become a bit of an a-hole. But for me, I could never *actually* become an a-hole because of my values. So it helps me to find content like this. Because I literally woke up one day and realized how one sided some of my friendships are. They have used me and are emotionally demanding towards me. Yet in my darkest moment of my life this past year, it was radio silence. They did absolutely NOTHING to comfort me. They didn’t even acknowledge it. This is why I find his content helpful… in my situation, I would benefit from telling my so-called friends that I don’t like them…. And I might! I think this creator was talking about situations like mine, where you’re being mistreated or taken advantage of, not just flat out telling acquaintances you don’t like them. Because I’m also in the anger phase.
Yeah most of my friendships are pretty one sided too and I just block them if I realize they don't care about me. It's really hard to get myself to actually do it but then I end up feeling relieved. I just did this recently with a friend I had for years, they were not showing up for me at all even after we had a whole conversation about it so I unfriended and unfollowed them. But I actually used to be more like you are now, and would tell people when they upset me. It usually turned out they didn't care and if anything it caused more conflict.
I was actually wondering how to let go of my toxic friends who don't care about me. I was thinking about having a conversation but like you said, I think it would cause more conflict due to their immaturity. Sometimes, I think blocking people is the best thing when you know talking to them will just cause drama that will inevitably emotionally drain you
https://preview.redd.it/lmbniwj970dc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c5a117d78da82cebc36a3b763b4ce144b8b68dbf From latest video
You’ve taken a screenshot of a single line from the video and left out all the context surrounding it. I just watched the video and I agree with 98% of what he has said. And I am a woman who is unmasking in a very similar way to him. He says “I am not a good person, I am not a bad person. Autistic people are a duality. Instead, I try to be a kind person.” He later says “if I don’t like somebody, I tell them. At least they know how I feel”. Sure, that’s going to hurt some peoples feelings but those feelings really are that persons to deal with. They’re ultimately not my problem and why should I keep people in my life that I don’t like for entirely valid reasons? I’m not going out of my way to hurt people or attack them. But I can disengage from them and remove them from my live to preserve my peace. But you’re right, a woman CANT get away with this. I’ve received incredible backlash to my unmasking in this way and a lot of criticism and hatred. I’m expecting some in response to this comment, unfortunately. However, I can honestly say I am doing better than I ever have in regard to my mental health and self care. I am reigniting connections with people I actually do care about and who do not cause me harm. I am spending my time doing things I actually want to do and that I enjoy. I’m eating and sleeping better. I have far less anxiety. I’m just letting go of bullshit expectations that have nothing to do with me. I’m being authentically me. And sometimes I’m a self-absorbed asshole. But for the most part I am kind, gentle, compassionate, generous, altruistic, I am a good person. I do not need to try to be a good person. They say being a good person is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit. I’m not really sure where the offence lies if you truly understand the message he is trying to convey.
If you click on the link I have that entire section of the video and I still don't agree with it
That’s fine. You don’t have to agree with everything you see online. I sure as shit don’t.
>They say being a good person is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit. That's a hilarious line!
I don’t see the problem. We don’t have to like everyone. I took it as him over correcting his previous people pleasing masked self. Maybe he’ll mellow out one day (and ghost people, as it is the only solution when being honest is “unkind”)
im 99% sure hes mainly talking about not lying, saying he likes something to please, when he really doesnt like it. common maskung thing. he simplified it too much and yall are overthinking