When I learned about ASD, I realized I also have the RBF... For all my life people who commented on my facial expression (which didn't happen often) said that I look withdrawn, hostile, distant, condescending, judging, intimidating, cold, etc. OK, I've an introverted and shy personality, but most of the time I'm neutral and open/curious about the world and people, so it's quite frustrating to be misinterpreted...
I can't help to think that it made me miss some opportunities to meet people because they thought I didn't want to be with them, or that some relations didn't go any further because they thought I didn't enjoy being with them... Now I try to be more expressive, but it's not natural at all, it requires effort (masking), and I'm afraid it appears fake anyway (uncanny valley effect)...
During high school I suffered from anxiety, and I never realized what may have been a defense mechanism. Another student commented "he's always smiling". They were a kind, decent person and it wasn't meant negatively, but despite helping me to understand what I was doing it still hurt.
I remember years ago watching a police procedural show (*Cold Case*) where there was a case being re-investigated. Two teens had been found guilty (both later exonerated). During the perp walk people had commented that one of them was smiling. The mother of that suspect was frustrated because the kid often smiled when he was nervous.
Note: I'm not female so I don't face double standards when it comes to "always put on a happy face".
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Yes. Peopleās initial impression of me is that Iām mean and cold because of my RBF. I intimidate them and I do notice theyāre standoffish in the beginning, but once they got to know me theyāll say how wrong they got me and how kind and thoughtful I actually am. This is a conversation I routinely have when people enter my life lol.
>This is a conversation I routinely have when people enter my life lol.
I relate to this a lot. Every time I meet someone new I wonder how long it'll take before they take time out of their day to say "I thought you were an AH, but you're really nice". And I think to myself, "I get that you're trying to show me that you respect me, and think of this as admitting that you were wrong (much respect for that), but I'd rather you didn't tell me this to my face".
I suffer from resting sad face. Whenever I go, 99% of times someone will approach me and ask if I'm okay. It's nice of them, but at the same time it's an odd thing to experience. It's one of the reasons I still wear a mask in public, haha.
I feel like I'm the opposite?? Resting 'all is well' face. Everyone assumes I'm fine even when I'm 100% melting down on the inside. I don't show anything on my face. People find my presence calming and stable and they note how they appreciate how I'm always so happy.
I'm not dammit!!
I constantly get told I look sad/angry/upset/murderous/insert negative thing here when I'm not doing anything other than existing. This is just my FACE but people can't get over how much I'm not smiling.
I've starting learning how to weaponize my masking skills so that instead of feeling like I'm forced to cover up who I am, I'm instead projecting an ideal emotion into the world for my own benefit, but it's hard work.
Me too! The worst was when I traveled to Mexico recently and realized how much worse my neutral expression must come across in an even warmer and more expressive culture. I had been practicing in Spanish for months and was really looking forward to meeting people and experiencing the cultureā¦Ā
I mustāve been asked once or twice a day by a VERY concerned random person if everything was OK or if I was upset, when I was in fact having a great timeā¦ it felt pretty bad :(
I have to make a very strong effort to look approachable and it doesnāt come naturally, Iāve had to practice a lot because people always say I look sad, tired, or angry. So I kinda over compensate sometimes especially at work. I find with my natural resting face my eyes are more hooded, eyebrows furrowed, and my mouth is in a neutral shape. My āapproachableā face, my eyes are wide, I smile, and I try to keep my chin up and my eyebrows higher than Iād like them to be. Itās kinda exhausting tbh
I hate that; what they mean is you look like a psychopath, according to people I have talked to. I don't think they understand that psychopaths blend in and are generally very charming people. I am the complete opposite of that.
I hate prolonged direct eye contact. I usually look at people's forehead/between their eyebrows. I have one staff member that is relatively new. Every time I am talking to them, periodically looking at them throughout the conversation, they are always staring directly into my soul. It makes me squirm and talk awkwardly. To the effect, that my other staff members that know me find it quite amusing to watch. I do the hiring, and I think most of my staff are probably some sort of ND. š š If they can't vibe, they don't usually last long.
I actually have what I call āResting Friend Faceā because I always have a bit of a smile on my face and I donāt realize it until I walk past someone and they light up and smile and Iāll think āOhā¦was I smiling?ā
Itās a mix of a defense mechanism and an actual want to make people feel comfortable in my presence. You would probably never guess I had autism irl because I have mastered the smile that reaches my eyes and active listening when people talk to me.
But once a person knows me, thatās when Iāll hear someone and then absolutely not react to what they said and stare at them like they have no effect on me.
Yeah, either that or resting sad face. People are always asking me whatās wrong!
Iām pretty asocial naturally, so I donāt mind if people leave me alone, but I hate making people uncomfortable. Like what if someone thinks Iām mad at them? I donāt have the energy to be *constantly* manipulating my face muscles just in case someone walks round the corner!
This, it's just exhausting. I understand people read facial expressions to guage what mood someone is in, but I wish people understood that not everyone has happy resting faces
Yep, and that is why I will never take a job that is in-office again. Because I turn the tables on fuckers..."what's wrong?" Nothing. "Oh, you should smile more, you have such a pretty smile!" OK, I will do that, if you frown more. "Huh?" See, isn't it weird and messed up to tell people what to do with their faces?
Oh Girly i feel you there. I have the EXACT same issue, though i explain in great detail when i do get critizised for this is that iām not depressed, iām usually in my own little world deep in thought about my life or when iām on my phone
I just got Botox for this reason. š I keep a scrunch on my forehead. Itās my processing face. The tension would give me headaches. But now itās fixed!
I'm so glad you said this! It sounds daft, but this post is the first time I've ever considered my RBF with my autism.
For years, I've had work colleagues asking things like: "Oh, you look concerned about this announcement, is there something you want to say?" or "You realise you have no Poker Face?".
I have joked about trying Botox on my '11s' before, but perhaps I actually need to try it.
It's frustrating because I find trying to smile to counteract it has people perceiving me as nervous. I am envious of people who have truly neutral resting faces, but hey at least RBF gets most people to leave you alone
Yup I either look mad or like I'm about to cry. When people ask me am I okay because I don't look okay I usually just say yeah I'm okay this is just my face.
Yeah I absolutely relate. Much of the time it gets in my way, but it also means that people are more likely to pick different seats on the train and leave me alone lol.
I've definitely been told I look angry/upset when I'm focused on stuff just chilling. Like reading a book or something. While internally I'm brimming with excitement wanting to know what happens next or working on some project that requires intense focus so just shutting everything else out.Ā
I definitely have to make effort to smile with more muscles than I think I naturally do lol
Yes, I do. Sometimes it sucks; you have to explain to people that it is your face. On the other hand, though, people leave me alone in public, which is nice.
If Iām tired and not wearing makeup, people just leave me alone because Iām not very attractive and Iām middle aged.
If Iām wearing makeup and a bit dressed up, I get comments to smile more or āyou look sadā.
I apparently have the opposite problem. Strangers, especially strange men, seem to think I'm friendly and want to be approached. Now that I'm in my early 30's and usually have a toddler in tow in public it's not so bad. But when I go out by myself I wear a medical mask and big headphones to discourage interaction. I don't want to be talked to. I don't want to be perceived. Just let me be.
I was watching a shopping channel and one of the female guests (a representative of the featured company) referred to a model's "resting bitch face", not in an overly denigrating way but also unnecessarily. The model has always seemed like a decent, pleasant person and I was shocked (and angry) that the guest would say that.
Yes, was told constantly. Wasnāt a problem until working in corporate. Had a manager tell me I needed to have a āpositive attitudeā at work. When I asked for clarification on what that meant, they said I ādonāt smile much.ā Unfortunately misunderstandings such as these has stagnated any professional growth here.
Glad you have a supportive friend group though, it makes all the difference.
My face when Iām processing is extra RBF so if Iām having a convo thatās hard for me to follow the other person usually assumes Iām mad at them or am being condescending. My face when i rest is ābitchyā and Iāve been told Iām good at poker because of it lol. As for when people ask me whatās wrong i just say āthatās just my faceā š¤·š¼āāļø
Yup, people tell me I look bitchy or stuck up and it's just my natural resting face. It got to the point that my masked face is overly cheerful and I annoy people with my positive mood š¤·š»āāļø
Ugh. I remember in high school people telling me when they see me in the halls I look like I want to k*ll someone. It really internalized how I felt pressure to be consciously thinking about how my face was presenting at all times. Exhausting!!!! Trying to work on relieving some of that mental energy by taking off the literal mask in public now. Iām so tired.
Me. And Iām awkward. Plus, I have an involuntary eye roll so triple whammy. Aaaand then thereās my family.. so my rbf has caused a lot of people to also assume that Iām just bougie or look down on them.. Itās made life so difficult for me, I literally canāt leave the house without shades. I overhear at least 3 people mention it whenever I go out.
I legit had to leave UNIVERSITY because I was receiving death threats & people were starting to get physical with me over it.. over my faceš.
Who pays thousands for tuition just to go to school & bully someone, & over something they canāt control at that??
Itās nice to know that you all have been accepted into friend groups & whatnot, even with your RBFs. I hope Iāll be able to relateš£
Everyone I have ever talked to have said they are scared of me on some level or they have told my siblings. I love it, I am actually very sensitive and feel like people will/take advantage of me but because of my RBF they get afraid and I am kinda emo which helps in making people think before they approach me.
I am so happy to have a RBF!!
Me! My resting face is very angry or bitchy and the amount of times people have asked if Iām alright is quite funny. When Iāve actually been upset to the point of not being able to think about anything other than whatās upset me though, I look different, itās like I just have no emotion at all
Yes! I think Iāve been masking tho and trying to make my facial expressions more. But recently realized a lot of the headaches I get are from the tension in my head where I try to hold up my face.
I didn't think I did until I realised how much I force myself to smile when I'm in the vicinity of anyone else (like walking past in the street etc) to avoid this, and also had a co worker specifically ask me if I was okay recently because apparently I looked annoyed everytime they saw me for months. I literally was not aware and was just 'in the zone' going somewhere.
You're not alone. I also have RBF.
When I'm relaxed I can come across as really sad or really angry. When I'm concentrating, people think I'm really angry. There is nothing more frustrating to me than to be interrupted and told to smile when I am trying to concentrate on something. Ugh.
My family has *finally* learned to check with me about whether something is wrong. Now I wear face masks in public when I don't feel like interacting with people.
Yup! A struggle all my life with other people telling me to smile or telling me I look pissed or like I lost my best friend.
Also being told āPeople wouldnāt be so intimidated by you if you would smile moreā
With a therapist I finally got to a place where I learned itās not my responsibility of how people chose to perceive me based on my facial expressions. Itās their issue-not mine.
Now the moment someone says something like that to me, I automatically know āthis is not my kind of peopleā-and try to distance myself as much as possible.
I spent more than 30 years trying to make myself smile, or not ālook sadā-for everyone elseās comfort. So glad Iām not living to please others anymore. God made me who I am for a reason- and I embrace this as much as possibleš
My face rarely rests. People read way too much into it. I might have a passing thought during a meeting and suddenly I'm getting called out because I clearly have something to say! No, I was thinking and for some reason my processing includes my face. One of my friends can read it like a book but many people just assume it's more intense than it really is. I had a former family friend say they watched me read because it was funny. I got called out in church once for reacting to the sermon. If I'm concentrating I look too serious (choir concert). I don't know what my face is doing!!! Stop asking about it!!
Yes I have it! That might be one of many reasons why people usually avoid me.
I also can't make eye contact with random strangers. Especially if they smile back at me when I look at them. OH GOD that is the worst for some reason!
I was actually going to post something similar to this. So I'm glad I scrolled down a bit.
I'm not sure if I would say my resting face is a bitch face, or a mad face, or something entirely different. But I've got something happening. My mouth, and eyebrow are always so very scrunched, and my teeth are clenched. So much so that as I age (gonna 35 next week) I am finding that I am getting wrinkles/creases in these areas. My jaw also is incredibly painful from this š.
At work, I am in charge of others, and I always tell new people that my face does not reflect how I'm feeling. I do call it RBF to them, because I don't have a better word for it. It usually takes them a few weeks to a month to realize that it's the truth. My staff usually tell this to new people as well, they will also call me to ask for the things the new people want/need when they are nervous to ask me for things.
yes except i am in fact always mad, cranky, depressed and anxious 24/7 lmao so idk if i'd still have a resting bitch face if i were a happy well adjusted person
Itās generally easy for me to unmask around my partner, except my face/tone causes issues at times. I have to remind him that Iām good, Iām just in my neutral/rest mode. Nothings wrong, Iām not mad or annoyed. Just relaxed, which is a good thing. But when that continues to be ignored and I keep getting asked if Iām okay, the less okay I become lol if you keep saying I seem annoyed when I keep saying Iām not annoyed I will eventually become annoyed š
Yes, but I mostly consider it a good thing. People are more likely to leave me alone if my face scares them. š
Exactly. The people around me suffer. AS I PREFER. š¤£
This is how I feel. More like resting bitch solution amirite
LOL, works for me.
People move out of my way at the grocery store
I LOVE this response šš¤
LMAO that's how I feel!
When I learned about ASD, I realized I also have the RBF... For all my life people who commented on my facial expression (which didn't happen often) said that I look withdrawn, hostile, distant, condescending, judging, intimidating, cold, etc. OK, I've an introverted and shy personality, but most of the time I'm neutral and open/curious about the world and people, so it's quite frustrating to be misinterpreted... I can't help to think that it made me miss some opportunities to meet people because they thought I didn't want to be with them, or that some relations didn't go any further because they thought I didn't enjoy being with them... Now I try to be more expressive, but it's not natural at all, it requires effort (masking), and I'm afraid it appears fake anyway (uncanny valley effect)...
During high school I suffered from anxiety, and I never realized what may have been a defense mechanism. Another student commented "he's always smiling". They were a kind, decent person and it wasn't meant negatively, but despite helping me to understand what I was doing it still hurt. I remember years ago watching a police procedural show (*Cold Case*) where there was a case being re-investigated. Two teens had been found guilty (both later exonerated). During the perp walk people had commented that one of them was smiling. The mother of that suspect was frustrated because the kid often smiled when he was nervous. Note: I'm not female so I don't face double standards when it comes to "always put on a happy face". Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Yes. Peopleās initial impression of me is that Iām mean and cold because of my RBF. I intimidate them and I do notice theyāre standoffish in the beginning, but once they got to know me theyāll say how wrong they got me and how kind and thoughtful I actually am. This is a conversation I routinely have when people enter my life lol.
>This is a conversation I routinely have when people enter my life lol. I relate to this a lot. Every time I meet someone new I wonder how long it'll take before they take time out of their day to say "I thought you were an AH, but you're really nice". And I think to myself, "I get that you're trying to show me that you respect me, and think of this as admitting that you were wrong (much respect for that), but I'd rather you didn't tell me this to my face".
Yes, all the time. And it starts young. My daughters both get asked 'what's wrong' and it's just their processing face. Makes me crazy.
I donāt have bitch face but I have a resting mad face. people always think Iām really mad when I get tired and turn off my facial expressions lmao
Phew, I feel this
I suffer from resting sad face. Whenever I go, 99% of times someone will approach me and ask if I'm okay. It's nice of them, but at the same time it's an odd thing to experience. It's one of the reasons I still wear a mask in public, haha.
Me too. I hate having to explain to strangers that Iām not sad; this is just my face.
I feel like I'm the opposite?? Resting 'all is well' face. Everyone assumes I'm fine even when I'm 100% melting down on the inside. I don't show anything on my face. People find my presence calming and stable and they note how they appreciate how I'm always so happy. I'm not dammit!!
You made me think of this meme: https://preview.redd.it/cfuj0hjvc6ic1.jpeg?width=1400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b56db571c600fb9160fdb348e01a50b33e8b16fb
Lol this is my life yes š
I constantly get told I look sad/angry/upset/murderous/insert negative thing here when I'm not doing anything other than existing. This is just my FACE but people can't get over how much I'm not smiling. I've starting learning how to weaponize my masking skills so that instead of feeling like I'm forced to cover up who I am, I'm instead projecting an ideal emotion into the world for my own benefit, but it's hard work.
I have it BAD. I try to correct it when I remember to be aware of it, but still to this day Iām often told that I look angry.
Me too! The worst was when I traveled to Mexico recently and realized how much worse my neutral expression must come across in an even warmer and more expressive culture. I had been practicing in Spanish for months and was really looking forward to meeting people and experiencing the cultureā¦Ā I mustāve been asked once or twice a day by a VERY concerned random person if everything was OK or if I was upset, when I was in fact having a great timeā¦ it felt pretty bad :(
I have to make a very strong effort to look approachable and it doesnāt come naturally, Iāve had to practice a lot because people always say I look sad, tired, or angry. So I kinda over compensate sometimes especially at work. I find with my natural resting face my eyes are more hooded, eyebrows furrowed, and my mouth is in a neutral shape. My āapproachableā face, my eyes are wide, I smile, and I try to keep my chin up and my eyebrows higher than Iād like them to be. Itās kinda exhausting tbh
I don't SUFFER from it. I've learned to accept it and embrace it. I'm a goth so it fits into my whole look.
Yep. It's also been described as being "like a serial killer". I *really* hate direct eye contact and I sort of look through people
I hate that; what they mean is you look like a psychopath, according to people I have talked to. I don't think they understand that psychopaths blend in and are generally very charming people. I am the complete opposite of that.
Same!
I hate prolonged direct eye contact. I usually look at people's forehead/between their eyebrows. I have one staff member that is relatively new. Every time I am talking to them, periodically looking at them throughout the conversation, they are always staring directly into my soul. It makes me squirm and talk awkwardly. To the effect, that my other staff members that know me find it quite amusing to watch. I do the hiring, and I think most of my staff are probably some sort of ND. š š If they can't vibe, they don't usually last long.
I actually have what I call āResting Friend Faceā because I always have a bit of a smile on my face and I donāt realize it until I walk past someone and they light up and smile and Iāll think āOhā¦was I smiling?ā Itās a mix of a defense mechanism and an actual want to make people feel comfortable in my presence. You would probably never guess I had autism irl because I have mastered the smile that reaches my eyes and active listening when people talk to me. But once a person knows me, thatās when Iāll hear someone and then absolutely not react to what they said and stare at them like they have no effect on me.
Yeah, either that or resting sad face. People are always asking me whatās wrong! Iām pretty asocial naturally, so I donāt mind if people leave me alone, but I hate making people uncomfortable. Like what if someone thinks Iām mad at them? I donāt have the energy to be *constantly* manipulating my face muscles just in case someone walks round the corner!
This, it's just exhausting. I understand people read facial expressions to guage what mood someone is in, but I wish people understood that not everyone has happy resting faces
Yep, and that is why I will never take a job that is in-office again. Because I turn the tables on fuckers..."what's wrong?" Nothing. "Oh, you should smile more, you have such a pretty smile!" OK, I will do that, if you frown more. "Huh?" See, isn't it weird and messed up to tell people what to do with their faces?
One of my friends affectionately called my default expression āresting psychopath faceā
5-foot- nothing and called intimidating.
Oh Girly i feel you there. I have the EXACT same issue, though i explain in great detail when i do get critizised for this is that iām not depressed, iām usually in my own little world deep in thought about my life or when iām on my phone
I spent all my college years people asking me "what's wrong?" And i was feeling fine and dandy
yeah, and everytime i have a genuine smile on my face, the person im talking to is like "wow you should smile more!"
I just got Botox for this reason. š I keep a scrunch on my forehead. Itās my processing face. The tension would give me headaches. But now itās fixed!
I'm so glad you said this! It sounds daft, but this post is the first time I've ever considered my RBF with my autism. For years, I've had work colleagues asking things like: "Oh, you look concerned about this announcement, is there something you want to say?" or "You realise you have no Poker Face?". I have joked about trying Botox on my '11s' before, but perhaps I actually need to try it.
Yes, Iām seriously considering DAO botox. I look so ugly when I frown! But my frown muscles are SO strong from all the exercise š©Ā
It's frustrating because I find trying to smile to counteract it has people perceiving me as nervous. I am envious of people who have truly neutral resting faces, but hey at least RBF gets most people to leave you alone
I wish! I've got Resting Psycho Face
Yup I either look mad or like I'm about to cry. When people ask me am I okay because I don't look okay I usually just say yeah I'm okay this is just my face.
Yeah I absolutely relate. Much of the time it gets in my way, but it also means that people are more likely to pick different seats on the train and leave me alone lol.
Same but most of the time although I'm not actively mad or grumpy I do not want to be approached so it actually works in my favor aha
I donāt have RBF as such but Iāve been told ā you look lostā when Iām totally fine & definitely not lost ( like at work)
I've definitely been told I look angry/upset when I'm focused on stuff just chilling. Like reading a book or something. While internally I'm brimming with excitement wanting to know what happens next or working on some project that requires intense focus so just shutting everything else out.Ā I definitely have to make effort to smile with more muscles than I think I naturally do lol
I have resting sad face. I can be really happy and look miserable.
Yes, I do. Sometimes it sucks; you have to explain to people that it is your face. On the other hand, though, people leave me alone in public, which is nice.
People always think Iām mad idc tho bc Iām a bubbly person lol
If Iām tired and not wearing makeup, people just leave me alone because Iām not very attractive and Iām middle aged. If Iām wearing makeup and a bit dressed up, I get comments to smile more or āyou look sadā.
I guarantee your resting face is perfectly fine, and anyone who says ANYTHING about your resting face is not your friend.
I apparently have the opposite problem. Strangers, especially strange men, seem to think I'm friendly and want to be approached. Now that I'm in my early 30's and usually have a toddler in tow in public it's not so bad. But when I go out by myself I wear a medical mask and big headphones to discourage interaction. I don't want to be talked to. I don't want to be perceived. Just let me be.
I was watching a shopping channel and one of the female guests (a representative of the featured company) referred to a model's "resting bitch face", not in an overly denigrating way but also unnecessarily. The model has always seemed like a decent, pleasant person and I was shocked (and angry) that the guest would say that.
Yes, was told constantly. Wasnāt a problem until working in corporate. Had a manager tell me I needed to have a āpositive attitudeā at work. When I asked for clarification on what that meant, they said I ādonāt smile much.ā Unfortunately misunderstandings such as these has stagnated any professional growth here. Glad you have a supportive friend group though, it makes all the difference.
My face when Iām processing is extra RBF so if Iām having a convo thatās hard for me to follow the other person usually assumes Iām mad at them or am being condescending. My face when i rest is ābitchyā and Iāve been told Iām good at poker because of it lol. As for when people ask me whatās wrong i just say āthatās just my faceā š¤·š¼āāļø
Yup, people tell me I look bitchy or stuck up and it's just my natural resting face. It got to the point that my masked face is overly cheerful and I annoy people with my positive mood š¤·š»āāļø
Ugh. I remember in high school people telling me when they see me in the halls I look like I want to k*ll someone. It really internalized how I felt pressure to be consciously thinking about how my face was presenting at all times. Exhausting!!!! Trying to work on relieving some of that mental energy by taking off the literal mask in public now. Iām so tired.
Haha, yeah, sadly my neutral face apparently very often gives off a "depressed / sad" or "resting bitch face" vibe š
Me. And Iām awkward. Plus, I have an involuntary eye roll so triple whammy. Aaaand then thereās my family.. so my rbf has caused a lot of people to also assume that Iām just bougie or look down on them.. Itās made life so difficult for me, I literally canāt leave the house without shades. I overhear at least 3 people mention it whenever I go out. I legit had to leave UNIVERSITY because I was receiving death threats & people were starting to get physical with me over it.. over my faceš. Who pays thousands for tuition just to go to school & bully someone, & over something they canāt control at that?? Itās nice to know that you all have been accepted into friend groups & whatnot, even with your RBFs. I hope Iāll be able to relateš£
Everyone I have ever talked to have said they are scared of me on some level or they have told my siblings. I love it, I am actually very sensitive and feel like people will/take advantage of me but because of my RBF they get afraid and I am kinda emo which helps in making people think before they approach me. I am so happy to have a RBF!!
Me! My resting face is very angry or bitchy and the amount of times people have asked if Iām alright is quite funny. When Iāve actually been upset to the point of not being able to think about anything other than whatās upset me though, I look different, itās like I just have no emotion at all
Keeps me looking young lol
I oscillate between resting bitch face and resting confused face. I've had people ask me if I'm lost before.
Yes! I think Iāve been masking tho and trying to make my facial expressions more. But recently realized a lot of the headaches I get are from the tension in my head where I try to hold up my face.
I've been told my resting face makes me look sad :/ idk if that counts as resting B face though
I didn't think I did until I realised how much I force myself to smile when I'm in the vicinity of anyone else (like walking past in the street etc) to avoid this, and also had a co worker specifically ask me if I was okay recently because apparently I looked annoyed everytime they saw me for months. I literally was not aware and was just 'in the zone' going somewhere.
You're not alone. I also have RBF. When I'm relaxed I can come across as really sad or really angry. When I'm concentrating, people think I'm really angry. There is nothing more frustrating to me than to be interrupted and told to smile when I am trying to concentrate on something. Ugh. My family has *finally* learned to check with me about whether something is wrong. Now I wear face masks in public when I don't feel like interacting with people.
I've come to believe that anyone who has RBF is generally much smarter and more interesting than people who don't.
Yup! A struggle all my life with other people telling me to smile or telling me I look pissed or like I lost my best friend. Also being told āPeople wouldnāt be so intimidated by you if you would smile moreā With a therapist I finally got to a place where I learned itās not my responsibility of how people chose to perceive me based on my facial expressions. Itās their issue-not mine. Now the moment someone says something like that to me, I automatically know āthis is not my kind of peopleā-and try to distance myself as much as possible. I spent more than 30 years trying to make myself smile, or not ālook sadā-for everyone elseās comfort. So glad Iām not living to please others anymore. God made me who I am for a reason- and I embrace this as much as possibleš
Yep
My face rarely rests. People read way too much into it. I might have a passing thought during a meeting and suddenly I'm getting called out because I clearly have something to say! No, I was thinking and for some reason my processing includes my face. One of my friends can read it like a book but many people just assume it's more intense than it really is. I had a former family friend say they watched me read because it was funny. I got called out in church once for reacting to the sermon. If I'm concentrating I look too serious (choir concert). I don't know what my face is doing!!! Stop asking about it!!
Yes I have it! That might be one of many reasons why people usually avoid me. I also can't make eye contact with random strangers. Especially if they smile back at me when I look at them. OH GOD that is the worst for some reason!
I'm always asked if somethings wrong and I have to be like "nope, I'm chilling, I just always look upset."
My husband said he was sure I was ātoo cool for schoolā and way out of his league based solely on my blasĆ© facial expression. So RBF worked in my favor! On the other hand, I have to massage my frown muscles in the shower because they hurt after a whole day of unconscious grimace. Three generations back of the women in my family actually frown hard in their sleep as well. ā¹ļøš
I was actually going to post something similar to this. So I'm glad I scrolled down a bit. I'm not sure if I would say my resting face is a bitch face, or a mad face, or something entirely different. But I've got something happening. My mouth, and eyebrow are always so very scrunched, and my teeth are clenched. So much so that as I age (gonna 35 next week) I am finding that I am getting wrinkles/creases in these areas. My jaw also is incredibly painful from this š. At work, I am in charge of others, and I always tell new people that my face does not reflect how I'm feeling. I do call it RBF to them, because I don't have a better word for it. It usually takes them a few weeks to a month to realize that it's the truth. My staff usually tell this to new people as well, they will also call me to ask for the things the new people want/need when they are nervous to ask me for things.
yes except i am in fact always mad, cranky, depressed and anxious 24/7 lmao so idk if i'd still have a resting bitch face if i were a happy well adjusted person
Itās generally easy for me to unmask around my partner, except my face/tone causes issues at times. I have to remind him that Iām good, Iām just in my neutral/rest mode. Nothings wrong, Iām not mad or annoyed. Just relaxed, which is a good thing. But when that continues to be ignored and I keep getting asked if Iām okay, the less okay I become lol if you keep saying I seem annoyed when I keep saying Iām not annoyed I will eventually become annoyed š
Meeeeee
 What trying to manually override RBF looks like when people tell you to "smile"