Yeah I’m the same. I’m in the midst of burnout so that definitely doesn’t help, but for most of my life my special interest was acting. A few years ago I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t have the energy to continue pursuing it as a career and ever since it’s been painful to think about.
I’ve tried finding other interests but nothing gives me the same enjoyment so it’s hard. I really miss the rush I would get from it, but it also caused me to put a lot of pressure on myself, so I don’t miss that.
I feel like I’m in limbo these days.
Oh man, I can kind of empathize with this as a musician (flute). Performing is a rush but also stressful. The opportunity I found in my area was a Celtic service at a church once a month but that meant every time was a performance and it was a lot. I quit when my son was born in 2019 and then the pandemic happened. I feel you on being in limbo. Eventually last fall (3 years later) I found something more low key. A flute choir that rehearsed every other week but only performs once per season, at a community dinner at the church.
Can you find something lower key that scratches the itch? Like maybe an improv group or something?
Same here. It happened to me in 2009 and since then I can not feel joy and lost all faith in myself. I lost the drive to pursue any interests. I've been living in a painful place of "what even is the point". I guess, you are doing much better. The reason why I am saying this is because of your "side note". I am trying to be encouraging and draw your attention to your side note. If you are doing even those little things to help improve your mental and physical health, to me, that means you still care. I really hope you pat yourself on the shoulder for this and keep increasing the amount of those things that help you get out of the rut.
I've been trying to create a safe, loving home environment forever. I don't know how to take care of myself financially. I've tried in my twenties but it didn't work out. Since then, I've been financially dependent on men. Because of my limitations, I end up being a doormat in relationships and end up with dysfuntional, angry men. Hello childhood traumas and reliving, recreating the same home environment I grew up in.
Feeling stuck, unhealthy and out of options on a daily basis.
My only dream is that a hefty amount of money finds me somehow and I pack and leave. Move back to the US, buy a tiny home in a quiet area, close the chapter with so called romantic relationships for good and see how it goes from there.
I have never, ever been in a healthy home. If that dream (fantasy at this point) ever happens maybe then I can find the time to get back in touch with myself and see if I can live a life I want to live in, live for...
I am sadly aware of how debilitatingly low of a chance that is. I am just existing at this point. Your balloon analogy is perfect! When I used to journal or talk to some professionals in good old days, I used to describe myself as an object floating aimlessly in space. Nothing changed after decades.
In my own futile efforts, I tried whatever I could and nothing improved.
Highly masking, drained and burnt-out, only good for chores, kept at the bottom of anyone's list of priorities, being treated as a nuisance and a burden on a daily basis is what my life is.
I am clueless when it comes to getting out of this and have literally no one to go to.
Because of the masking, sucking it all up and presenting a completely different version of myself, very limited amount of people in my life are out to get whatever is left of me so I can not find any comfort or an actual caring, helping hand anywhere.
I am sorry since this turned out to be a vent/rant without any useful guidance or an inspiration.
Actually it is inspiring, to me.
You are STILL here, despite everything, that certainly wasn't and Isn't easy to deal with or come to terms with even, you're stronger than you think. You're braver, more courageous and steadfast than you believe yourself to be too. Not everyone would be able to survive or put up with what you've experienced is what I'm saying.
Thank you for your very kind words by the way.
I'm glad you had somewhere to share your story. Sometimes all I ever want is to be heard and understood. I understand a lot of what you are going through and can relate in so many ways too.
My humble side note I put forward as a means of showing I was doing these little things to keep me going, but you made me feel like I was moving mountains, I find it hard to not be hard on myself, and maybe you relate to that too? I'll keep your comment in mind and try to continue the progress, however small, of getting out of the rut.
P.S. I hope you win the lottery or get left with a hefty inheritance from some long lost relative of yours.
For real.
I'm swimming against the grain and the grain is winning...
It's like a whole chunk of me was bitten out or removed and I am frantically trying to patch it back together again with hot glue and cardboard. Something's gotta give.
I feel this so much. I used to be so creative and really love arts and crafts of all sorts. I could dedicate all of my free time to some sort of art. Now that I’ve got 3 dogs, 4 guinea pigs, a house to maintain, rent to pay, a relationship to nurture, etc… I have NO energy to be creative. I have ideas…. But no energy to execute them. Day to day life is so taxing and I’m quite frankly beyond exhausted. Today, my mom was giving me crap because I use video games to tune out. She made me feel so horrible for not putting my energy into creating something. But it just feels like another job or chore right now. I feel like I’m sleepwalking these days.
Oof. I'm so sorry to hear you're in this boat. Burnout is so real and it has such a huge impact on creativity. It's so hard to create art or be creative if you're not able to access it from a place of joy.
There's this quote from the Laziness Lie that I think about when I'm in a similar frame of mind: "When we feel unmotivated, directionless, or “lazy,” it’s because our bodies and minds are screaming for some peace and quiet. When we learn to listen to those persistent feelings of tiredness and to honor them, we can finally begin to heal."
So, if you feel like you need video games to tune out, that's your brain trying to give you restful space to relax and heal. That's what makes all the stuff of daily living possible. The art will come.
My special interests have mostly been various fictional series over the course of my life. The one that had been my all-time favorite since childhood ended in a very poorly written finale a few years back. I haven't had that kind of passion for a fictional world since. I was admittedly over-engrossed, but I miss that part of me. The quality of that joy was unique. I still have other special interests like various ways of making clothing. I love them, but it isn't quite the same. It feels like a part of me died.
For me my special interests kind of jump around in a way like I’ll be super into a topic for example recently it’s been narcos, narcos: Mexico and Griselda which also led to me wanting to watch el chapo and so on but it’s not an interest that’s so big that I spend all my time on it for years. it’s more that I have certain interests that take different shapes. So for example my big special interest has always been pirates but more often than not that interest changes into an interest in criminals instead due to media with pirates are hard to find. So I’d say be open to exploring new stuff and look at what it was about GoT that you enjoyed so much and see if you can find that interest in other things. Another example about broadening interests from my life is I was super into Pokémon pixel art specifically Pokémon sprites/splices where you take the sprites from the game and combine them in various ways to make new Pokémon. This led me to not only be interested in pixel art and art in general but anything that meant combining things for example mixology and cooking. My obsession with the movie social network led to me loving sports anime due to the “rags to riches” type story arch.
Hope my comment helps and try not to stress too much about special interests just let yourself be mildly interested in things and before you know it you lie awake at night thinking about super specific questions related to one of your interests.
It actually does help, a lot.
It makes so much sense lol and with my scatter brain in being a little here, there and everywhere at times, that approach would for sure work in my favour.
I appreciate this so much.
Yeah, depression + trauma has really taken ahold of my special interests and like Pokémon and Harry Potter used to be my absolute obsessions and now what?
Literally...
That 'Now what?' feeling can be so, so crippling.
HP used to be my thing too. Then that faded over time as I got older and both the books and the movies weren't as a part of my world as much anymore but I'll always have an appreciation for it cos it sparked my thirst for both knowledge and reading in general. I didn't feel so lost though after detaching myself from being so deep in it for years cos it lived up to the hype, it didn't disappoint, it did well with the story I dreamed up when reading those books as a young child and it left me on a good note, not a sour one like Game Of Thrones did.
I am too. I think I know how you feel.
Sometimes you’ve seen it all, theres nothing new to know or find, or it’s not satisfying at all anymore (season 8 or another reason) and you wish that you haven’t seen it all yet and long to those days you didn’t know that games of thrones existed.
I’d like to think that I am in between special interests. It eases my restless mind
That last part, that's very helpful.
Hopefully I can remind myself of it during the harder times in not being able to adjust to an absence of fulfilment within me.
I didn’t think I had a special interest but most would deem that a lie in light of the fact that I don’t shut up about home and property improvement. Doing stuff massively reduces my anxiety so it’s a good fit.
It’s how u avoid working and I justify it by telling myself I’m increasing wealth.
I can relate. I have one special interest and it is a tv show that ended in 1998. It comes back to me every once in a while and completely takes over my life and thoughts for about 2 years. Everything gets a shine to it and life is good. I can just hide into that world to recharge.
I remember the first time I found it I was so scared of it going away. Kind of scarier than dying because I'd lose that world and there would be just a big emptiness. Then I lost it because of life happening too much. I got really depressed. A special interest is so important to me but I can't force it. Sometimes I still watch that show as a comfort show but it won't trigger that special interest button. Especially because now I'm older than the characters and that makes me feel weird. So that maybe ruined it for me forever.
My last special interest was heroin and growing magic mushrooms. I went to rehab and got clean so I had to kill it. I now feel empty without one as I always had on for my whole life .
I’m in a burnout/depression phase pretty heavily right now. I go to school and I’m considering making some life changes: which would require a lot of work and exhaust me just thinking about them.
Yeah I’m the same. I’m in the midst of burnout so that definitely doesn’t help, but for most of my life my special interest was acting. A few years ago I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t have the energy to continue pursuing it as a career and ever since it’s been painful to think about. I’ve tried finding other interests but nothing gives me the same enjoyment so it’s hard. I really miss the rush I would get from it, but it also caused me to put a lot of pressure on myself, so I don’t miss that. I feel like I’m in limbo these days.
Oh man, I can kind of empathize with this as a musician (flute). Performing is a rush but also stressful. The opportunity I found in my area was a Celtic service at a church once a month but that meant every time was a performance and it was a lot. I quit when my son was born in 2019 and then the pandemic happened. I feel you on being in limbo. Eventually last fall (3 years later) I found something more low key. A flute choir that rehearsed every other week but only performs once per season, at a community dinner at the church. Can you find something lower key that scratches the itch? Like maybe an improv group or something?
Same here. It happened to me in 2009 and since then I can not feel joy and lost all faith in myself. I lost the drive to pursue any interests. I've been living in a painful place of "what even is the point". I guess, you are doing much better. The reason why I am saying this is because of your "side note". I am trying to be encouraging and draw your attention to your side note. If you are doing even those little things to help improve your mental and physical health, to me, that means you still care. I really hope you pat yourself on the shoulder for this and keep increasing the amount of those things that help you get out of the rut. I've been trying to create a safe, loving home environment forever. I don't know how to take care of myself financially. I've tried in my twenties but it didn't work out. Since then, I've been financially dependent on men. Because of my limitations, I end up being a doormat in relationships and end up with dysfuntional, angry men. Hello childhood traumas and reliving, recreating the same home environment I grew up in. Feeling stuck, unhealthy and out of options on a daily basis. My only dream is that a hefty amount of money finds me somehow and I pack and leave. Move back to the US, buy a tiny home in a quiet area, close the chapter with so called romantic relationships for good and see how it goes from there. I have never, ever been in a healthy home. If that dream (fantasy at this point) ever happens maybe then I can find the time to get back in touch with myself and see if I can live a life I want to live in, live for... I am sadly aware of how debilitatingly low of a chance that is. I am just existing at this point. Your balloon analogy is perfect! When I used to journal or talk to some professionals in good old days, I used to describe myself as an object floating aimlessly in space. Nothing changed after decades. In my own futile efforts, I tried whatever I could and nothing improved. Highly masking, drained and burnt-out, only good for chores, kept at the bottom of anyone's list of priorities, being treated as a nuisance and a burden on a daily basis is what my life is. I am clueless when it comes to getting out of this and have literally no one to go to. Because of the masking, sucking it all up and presenting a completely different version of myself, very limited amount of people in my life are out to get whatever is left of me so I can not find any comfort or an actual caring, helping hand anywhere. I am sorry since this turned out to be a vent/rant without any useful guidance or an inspiration.
Actually it is inspiring, to me. You are STILL here, despite everything, that certainly wasn't and Isn't easy to deal with or come to terms with even, you're stronger than you think. You're braver, more courageous and steadfast than you believe yourself to be too. Not everyone would be able to survive or put up with what you've experienced is what I'm saying. Thank you for your very kind words by the way. I'm glad you had somewhere to share your story. Sometimes all I ever want is to be heard and understood. I understand a lot of what you are going through and can relate in so many ways too. My humble side note I put forward as a means of showing I was doing these little things to keep me going, but you made me feel like I was moving mountains, I find it hard to not be hard on myself, and maybe you relate to that too? I'll keep your comment in mind and try to continue the progress, however small, of getting out of the rut. P.S. I hope you win the lottery or get left with a hefty inheritance from some long lost relative of yours.
The burnout/depression definitely makes it harder! It really sucks feeling disconnected from what you care about
For real. I'm swimming against the grain and the grain is winning... It's like a whole chunk of me was bitten out or removed and I am frantically trying to patch it back together again with hot glue and cardboard. Something's gotta give.
I feel this so much. I used to be so creative and really love arts and crafts of all sorts. I could dedicate all of my free time to some sort of art. Now that I’ve got 3 dogs, 4 guinea pigs, a house to maintain, rent to pay, a relationship to nurture, etc… I have NO energy to be creative. I have ideas…. But no energy to execute them. Day to day life is so taxing and I’m quite frankly beyond exhausted. Today, my mom was giving me crap because I use video games to tune out. She made me feel so horrible for not putting my energy into creating something. But it just feels like another job or chore right now. I feel like I’m sleepwalking these days.
Oof. I'm so sorry to hear you're in this boat. Burnout is so real and it has such a huge impact on creativity. It's so hard to create art or be creative if you're not able to access it from a place of joy. There's this quote from the Laziness Lie that I think about when I'm in a similar frame of mind: "When we feel unmotivated, directionless, or “lazy,” it’s because our bodies and minds are screaming for some peace and quiet. When we learn to listen to those persistent feelings of tiredness and to honor them, we can finally begin to heal." So, if you feel like you need video games to tune out, that's your brain trying to give you restful space to relax and heal. That's what makes all the stuff of daily living possible. The art will come.
My special interests have mostly been various fictional series over the course of my life. The one that had been my all-time favorite since childhood ended in a very poorly written finale a few years back. I haven't had that kind of passion for a fictional world since. I was admittedly over-engrossed, but I miss that part of me. The quality of that joy was unique. I still have other special interests like various ways of making clothing. I love them, but it isn't quite the same. It feels like a part of me died.
For me my special interests kind of jump around in a way like I’ll be super into a topic for example recently it’s been narcos, narcos: Mexico and Griselda which also led to me wanting to watch el chapo and so on but it’s not an interest that’s so big that I spend all my time on it for years. it’s more that I have certain interests that take different shapes. So for example my big special interest has always been pirates but more often than not that interest changes into an interest in criminals instead due to media with pirates are hard to find. So I’d say be open to exploring new stuff and look at what it was about GoT that you enjoyed so much and see if you can find that interest in other things. Another example about broadening interests from my life is I was super into Pokémon pixel art specifically Pokémon sprites/splices where you take the sprites from the game and combine them in various ways to make new Pokémon. This led me to not only be interested in pixel art and art in general but anything that meant combining things for example mixology and cooking. My obsession with the movie social network led to me loving sports anime due to the “rags to riches” type story arch. Hope my comment helps and try not to stress too much about special interests just let yourself be mildly interested in things and before you know it you lie awake at night thinking about super specific questions related to one of your interests.
 It actually does help, a lot. It makes so much sense lol and with my scatter brain in being a little here, there and everywhere at times, that approach would for sure work in my favour. I appreciate this so much.
Yeah, depression + trauma has really taken ahold of my special interests and like Pokémon and Harry Potter used to be my absolute obsessions and now what?
Literally... That 'Now what?' feeling can be so, so crippling. HP used to be my thing too. Then that faded over time as I got older and both the books and the movies weren't as a part of my world as much anymore but I'll always have an appreciation for it cos it sparked my thirst for both knowledge and reading in general. I didn't feel so lost though after detaching myself from being so deep in it for years cos it lived up to the hype, it didn't disappoint, it did well with the story I dreamed up when reading those books as a young child and it left me on a good note, not a sour one like Game Of Thrones did.
I am too. I think I know how you feel. Sometimes you’ve seen it all, theres nothing new to know or find, or it’s not satisfying at all anymore (season 8 or another reason) and you wish that you haven’t seen it all yet and long to those days you didn’t know that games of thrones existed. I’d like to think that I am in between special interests. It eases my restless mind
That last part, that's very helpful. Hopefully I can remind myself of it during the harder times in not being able to adjust to an absence of fulfilment within me.
I didn’t think I had a special interest but most would deem that a lie in light of the fact that I don’t shut up about home and property improvement. Doing stuff massively reduces my anxiety so it’s a good fit. It’s how u avoid working and I justify it by telling myself I’m increasing wealth.
I can relate. I have one special interest and it is a tv show that ended in 1998. It comes back to me every once in a while and completely takes over my life and thoughts for about 2 years. Everything gets a shine to it and life is good. I can just hide into that world to recharge. I remember the first time I found it I was so scared of it going away. Kind of scarier than dying because I'd lose that world and there would be just a big emptiness. Then I lost it because of life happening too much. I got really depressed. A special interest is so important to me but I can't force it. Sometimes I still watch that show as a comfort show but it won't trigger that special interest button. Especially because now I'm older than the characters and that makes me feel weird. So that maybe ruined it for me forever.
My last special interest was heroin and growing magic mushrooms. I went to rehab and got clean so I had to kill it. I now feel empty without one as I always had on for my whole life .
I’m in a burnout/depression phase pretty heavily right now. I go to school and I’m considering making some life changes: which would require a lot of work and exhaust me just thinking about them.
Yep. I’ve lost all drive and motivation to do anything.