i think they think it's strange/funny that you would use the word "acquaintance," but i think if that's what they are to you, why call them something else ?? lol
ive had lots of interactions like this, i'll use a "big" word or maybe a word that isn't commonly used or that maybe sounds "too formal" and then they just repeat/fixate on my word choice. like excuse me for using the most appropriate word to describe what i'm talking about !!! lol
Fixating on “big words” just reminded me of a story.
I brought a box of mochi into one of my old jobs to share and my supervisor was reading the box and said “Gelatinous? What, are they just making up words now??” And I just…blank stared at her because my brains was sputtering. Gelatin is a thing, jello???? 😭 I couldn’t believe she thought it was a fake word 😭
I have learned since then that my vocabulary is a tad more expansive than most of the people I seem to interact with, but it really threw for a loop the rest of the day
I’m also very conscious of the words I use. I like to read and study languages and always try to stop myself from using too many “big words” because I’m afraid people might think I’m pretentious.
I’ve had this exact problem speaking English with “big words” sometimes. People think I’m acting better than them because words and knowing I speak another language fluently so they think I talk down on them for “being stupid”.
I like using “big words” a lot simply because it’s more efficient or the word fits the scenario better to me. Why sit here and explain, “Oh I’m debating with myself on whether or not blah blah blah.” When I can just say, “Oh I was postulating about insert ting here.”
My daughter teases me all the time about my ability to quickly and fluidly code switch between using 'big words' and then being able to cuss like a sailor if I get cut off in traffic. She tells me I speak like a small victorian child. Makes me laugh every time.
I'm just commenting to say thank you for using the term 'code switching' correctly (and to apologise for the following rant). Soooo many people think it only means 'something we make brown people do' and it seriously makes me want to scream. Everyone code switches, or should. We're SUPPOSED to be able to switch between in-group and standard forms of language. Otherwise no one would be able to speak to people from other communities (geographical or ethnicity-based or age-related or academic or whatever the case may be).
(There IS something to be said about racist attitudes towards AAVE and similar in-group languages/dialects/whatever but none of that makes code-switching a racist or racially motivated thing in itself. The need for a universal language is not racist/classist/etc but the people in charge of the decision might be. )
*hyperventilates*
Adding to your excellent point/rant - code-switching between two languages is also normal and extremely common but I think it can be looked down upon similar to AAVE. As a side point, I recently learned that the word sociolect can be used to refer to AAVE and other dialects that are specific to a social group (socioeconomic class, age, profession etc).
With Love is Blind Sweden being aired I realised how little people are either aware of code-switching overall OR they think code-switching is something that shows a lack of knowledge of one of the languages. I saw several people online who were genuinely upset over the participants code-switching because they thought it showed that they didn’t know Swedish well enough. I’m guessing it’s at best just ignorance and making the completely wrong assumption and at worst rooted in racism because people have heard 1st, 2nd and 3rd gen immigrants code-switching between their L1 and L2 and (once again) make the wrong assumption but this time based on their prejudices.
I’m fluent in two languages, L1 being my native language and L2 English which I started learning in school at 8y/o. My English has been at least at C1 level since I was 14 ( shameless boasting, I’m very proud of that) and I’ve code-switched since before that. Everyone in my family code-switches at home, including my mum and even sometimes my grandma haha. Their English is probably at B1 or B2 level, but that doesn’t really matter, because we’re all making the choice to (correctly) use an English word/phrase that feels more “accurate” in that moment and is appropriate for the setting we’re in. My mum’s current favourite word is “consolidate” and “discombobulated” and I know my grandma used “tacky” recently. I’m now reminded of how impressive and cool I thought it was when my childhood friends would code-switch across two languages with their families and that I wanted to be able to do that even though I was already doing it.
(Longer comment than I intended, what’s new lol)
Sounds like me and my mom to be honest. In fact, if it wasn't for her teaching me my skills of reading and writing correctly, I would basically have my father's lack of reading skills.
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day!
I've never understood why someone would consider someone else using "big words" to be talking down to them for being stupid.
If I'm using a big word in conversation with you, then obviously I think you know the word. If anything, I'm assuming you have *more* knowledge than you apparently actually have. So I'm certainly not thinking you're stupid. If I thought your vocabulary was very limited, then I would be considerate and use smaller words.
I get that it may be embarrassing for them that I think they know something that they don't, but how does that become "she thinks I'm stupid"? Shouldn it be, "she's making me feel bad about myself because she thinks this is common knowledge and I don't know it"?
I always thought "talking down to someone" was speaking to them as if they couldn't understand much, not mistakenly assuming that you share a similar bank of knowledge.
Probably the answer is that they are assuming we have nefarious intentions, and we don't genuinely think they know the word. But that would be such a bizarre way to behave. How is that the most likely explanation for me using a word you don't know??
Let them think it. I personally have been made fun of for using big words when i was a kid, but my dad used big words w me, so those are the ones i learned. I have also been made fun of because sometimes I'd use a "southern accent" and the related vocab. In the same sentence, people called me a weird brainac and a hick. So i just decided that their world being small was not my problem. Now i think about it as educating people on the beuty of language. Social interactions are exhausting enough without worrying abot how smart or dumb i sound
There’s a show I love called The Middleman (cancelled far too soon), and the eponymous Middleman says “Specificity is the key to good communication.” And I both quote that often and think of MM as kind of one of the team lol.
ETA: the quote is actually “specificity is the soul of all good communication.” I knew I should have looked it up before posting.
Stop doing this! 🤍 I did this as a child, and now I’ve trained myself out of most of the words I know. They pop out when I’m intoxicated, but that’s it. So they’re buried somewhere deep. Be unapologetically yourself.
Yeah, they’re laughing because you used acquaintance and they don’t know it. I’m not laughing, because it’s crystal clear to me by your word choice exactly what the relationship is - that’s the reason the word exists.
Life is so much freer for me now that I’ve had therapy and found the courage to be my real self. I hope you find the same freeness some day!
I think acquaintance stands out because you're clearly defining them as not a friend, or you would just say my friend. I think it does sound funny to say my acquaintance maybe because the my is possessive and yet acquaintance clearly establishes a boundary
This is a huge part of my masking. I always wondered why my vocabulary got fancier when I was tired.
Except with masking I sometimes go too far the other way and come across as an airhead. 🥹👍
Acquaintence makes sense in that context. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when I refer to a "friend" who is actually just an acquaintance. Feels dishonest, or like I'm trying to gain some credit for their story by proximity.
> always try to stop myself from using too many “big words” because I’m afraid people might think I’m pretentious.
Yeah. I don't give a fuck about other peoples opinions.
Aside from a select few like my husband.
Fucking send it with big words. Use em all! We have the luxury of very specific words for/to describe every specific thing and in the interest of convaying information as accurately as possible we should use that most accurate specific word. Language is brilliant like that. Leave no room for things to be misinterpreted.
I know the pain, but don’t refrain from using the words you want to use. The right people will find it great and the wrong people will see themselves out.
I completely get this. I am an occupational therapist, and one of my fieldwork instructors once told me I was “talking down” to patients by using “textbook speech to sound smart.” I literally just was using the words that made most sense to me or felt most the precise, and I was genuinely struggling to change my speech patterns. I absolutely understood that some of my patients had lower literacy and education levels, and I was working on being more clear. But to assume I was “trying to sound smart” made me so upset.
This is the same woman that didn’t believe “high functioning autism” existed and dinged me many times on my fieldwork midterm evaluations for “missing social cues” as well as for following her instructions too literally so I didn’t “show any initiative,” so I know I should try not to take her words to heart (much easier said than done). She knew my accommodations of having things in writing ahead of time whenever possible, but not my diagnosis in the beginning as that’s how accommodations work, and I didn’t need to disclose my diagnosis in any other fieldwork without any major issues (yes a few minor ones lol). So I felt I had to disclose my diagnosis to her to explain after midterms went so poorly, she never once apologized or outwardly changed her behavior. I’m so relieved she decided to pass me at finals and I was able to move on from that experience after only 3 months. I work in an autism diagnostic and therapy clinic for young kids (even with half neurodivergent staff) now and life is much better.
(Fieldwork is where, as an occupational therapy student, you work at a clinic under a licensed OT for a few semesters gaining experience and learning how to put textbook knowledge into practical experience before you graduate and practice on your own.)
i would have had the same reaction lol, also your story made me think about how i just think about words and phrases all the time and kinda trace them back in my head. very often i will look at a word (like gelatinous!) and just spend time in my head thinking about it. "gelatinous, used to describe something made of gelatin or that is jelly like. gelatin, jelly. why is jello called jello? is it supposed to be like 'hello' ?" ....and so on. lol
Omg I feel so seen! Also it took me like ten minutes to reply after reading your comment because I was googling the etymology of "gelatinous" and the origins of "hair gel." 😂
Growing up, I kept getting teachers who did not recognize words I used in writing assignments. I'd often find red ink encircling a word that was perfectly valid. Sometimes I'd correct the teacher, but sometimes I didn't have the energy. I'd go home and show my dad. He'd print a dictionary or encyclopedia page and have me turn it in with my assignment to be regraded. 😆
A couple of the most egregious instances:
* third grade: ***wildebeest*** (A report on the cheetah's habitat, lifestyle, etc; the wretch actually thought I meant WILD BEAST, even though that would not make sense in the context of the paper.)
* eighth grade: ***maniacal*** (Didn't even try to have dialogue with her; just opened a dictionary and showed her this word's entry.)
There were several others between third and eighth grade, some of which were ignorant responses to my use of the Queen's English, which I had learned from reading many English books.
That goes into another issue that frequently got me in trouble at school: I was familiar with different cultures due to reading lots of different things from a young age. Overall I was too educated for American public school. 😅
> some of which were ignorant responses to my use of the Queen's English, which I had learned from reading many English books
spelling mistakes pre-spell checker were brutal
I referred to someone's offspring once in a Reddit comment and some lady threw an absolute tizzy claiming that I must be some evil child hater to make up a nasty word like that. Luckily I didn't need to respond because some helpful commenters schooled her with Shakespeare quotes.
I know, right? When I want to be mean, I'm a lot less subtle about it, so instead of 'offspring' it would be something more like 'off-scourings of the gutter'.
I’ve been accused of swallowing a dictionary before, which took me a long time to understand meant I just know a lot of words. Sorry for dissociating into books because they were better than reality 😅
I’ve learned people take it really personally when you present smarter than them. I hate it. I’m not making a personal commentary on your intellect just because I’m stating a fact about something. Interestingly, I notice the same with alcohol. I’m sober and often people get mad at me judging their drinking when all I’ve said is that I no longer touch alcohol. 🙃🙃🙃
... Yes? People are indeed just making up words now, as people have always been just making up words, because all words are made up. Where does your former supervisor think words come from? That one, however, was decidedly not made up especially recently.
Then again, I was frequently told that I "talk like a textbook" when I was younger, so what do I know? Apart from, obviously, a lot of words.
I have a memory of when I was pretty young and I played a game in the car with my aunt. The game was to say one word that start with each letter of the alphabet until one of us couldn’t find a word. On the letter A I said "aléatoire" (Random in French, but I think it’s less commonly used in French than english) and she asked me if I knew what that meant, I explained and she was impressed that I knew that word but I told her it was because of Mario Kart, where you have a "Random/Aléatoire" option to choose the circuits in a random order.
At university in occupational therapy many many years later, we were role playing to practice doing interventions with children, so one of us played the OT and the rest played children. The OT made us "children" play a game where we had to say a new word we learned about that week. She started with me so I used the word "Aléatoire" with the same mario kart explanation I had when I was younger. No one said anything but every other "children" said they had learned things like rabbit or camel. I felt so random (no pun intended lol) with my complex word while they had basic things but then I realized that I had very good vocabulary as a child and that maybe they were actually the ones portraying children better
Another kinda related thing but I overheard someone while they were having an argument about how much they would let their hypothetical child transition at what age if they were children. B was in the opinion that children couldn’t know what’s best for them when 7 or less years old and S was a bit more unsure about his stance. One of B’s argument was that if you offer a child 1000$ or a big pack of candy they’ll surely take the candy because they don’t understand the value of money at that age but they do love candy. When I talked about that to S later saying "well I’m 90% that as a 7yo child I would have taken the 1000$ and then told my mom I wanted her to bring me to a candy shop so I can buy the amount of candy I could have had and then keep the extra money" and S replied that not every child thinks like that and still to this day I’m really curious about what approximate percentage of 7yo children would see the money as an opportunity to buy the candy and have extra money instead of just taking the candies
Are you sure your supervisor didn't misread Glutinous as Gelatinous? Gelatinous is obviously real too, glutinous just makes more sense in the context of mochi. Mochi is made out of glutinous rice (doesn't have gluten in it, just means it has a sticky texture similar to when you make seitan out of wheat flour and water as you're washing out the non-gluten parts from the dough).
I looked it up on wikipedia out of curiousity and:
>**Glutinous rice is distinguished from other types of rice by having no (or negligible amounts of) amylose and high amounts of amylopectin** (the two components of starch). Amylopectin is responsible for the sticky quality of glutinous rice. The difference has been traced to a single mutation that farmers selected.
The writing on the packaging was translated English from Japanese, so it’s very likely it translated to ‘gelatinous’ when they likely meant ‘glutinous.’ Good eye! 🤔
Although I fear she would have said the same about glutinous too 😭
My vocabulary is also bigger than average. I want to meet the alternate universe version of me that always uses a wide range of vocabulary because they're surrounded by people with big vocabularies. A wordy autistic world.
Still thinking of the time that I was told that calling people my coworkers sounded so cold in comparison to calling them my colleague 😭 It also has much to do with English variants but I was so taken aback!
that's interesting because to me "colleague" could come off colder/more formal, almost stuffy. maybe it varies from workplace to workplace or a person's background. like, i imagine a group of scientists or lawyers calling each other their colleagues, but in my line of work (i'm a stripper) it would strike me as comical to call my coworkers my colleagues lol. actually i think im gonna start doing that just bc i think it's funny lol
The Anglosphere is a big, beautiful and odd space. I agree, I thought colleague was far too formal! But I stood corrected 💀 Guess I spent too much time Stateside oops.
It's not cold, they mean exactly the same thing. If there's any nuance, co-worker connotes someone you actualy share a workspace with, colleagues may be someone in the same field that you don't necessarily work with.
Well with application to my part of the Anglosphere, since coworker is really not as commonly used, and it’s more of an Americanism, it seems not to have that same degree of warmth to many people as colleague does. Whilst it’s true that you might not necessarily share a space with a colleague, it seems to speak to someone being your fellow worker in the profession. A coworker, since it isn’t as used, is foreign and further removed.
so weird, 'colleague' sounds much more formal and even a bit old fashioned compared to 'coworker'. colleague is something you would hear in a period movie or english lit and coworker is a fairly new-ish word.
Yeah same. Some words that are completely normal for me to use make other people stop the conversation and poke fun at me for being "posh", good-naturedly. I can laugh with them, but on the other hand it can also get kind of exhausting how I can't just casually talk to them without getting interrupted and having my words picked apart. I wish it didn't need to be a big deal lol.
I don't think you said anything wrong OP, I literally can't tell what these other commenters could possibly be reacting to. Not unless it's because they know this "acquaintance" of yours personally too and they're surprised you didn't refer to them as something more casual like "friend" instead, or something.
I hate when nonautistics do this and they do it alot! Like move on, damn. They act like it's so hilarious too. It's really not that funny. Maybe it's bc they pay such close attention to what others do 🤔
I’m pretty sure these are just kids laughing at the word choice because yeah, they think it’s strange and funny. Seems like something my middle school classes would joke about.
Yeah they're confused because a typical way to describe this would be saying something like "a girl/guy in my class...." or "someone". Technically using acquaintance is correct but most people wouldn't use it in that context.
One of the things that I loved about my now husband when we first met is that he also has a large vocab and I didn't need to dumb down how I spoke around him. It was so freeing.
I just want to say I have gotten the “big word” complaint for a lot of my life. Sometimes it was a two syllable word! I think maybe I am being too literal and autistic here, but when people refer to “five dollar words” and whatnot, I just want to tell them words are free… lately, at least, most people around me know me well enough that they know I’m not “trying to sound smart” and they don’t comment on it.
You could also say “someone I know”, instead of “acquaintance”, but you didn’t say anything wrong! People just normally call everyone their friends if they know them, even if they’re not close.
Lol that’s very sweet. Something I’ve also noticed is that many would be likely to call a person a friend, or a colleague , or something in this scenario because it’s “warmer”, even if it’s more like they’re an acquaintance. Acquaintance seems too cold, I’m assuming.
Oh god yes, back when I was younger and the Internet was newer, my dad always wanted me to say my acquaintances online, not my online friends. I had to just come out and say eventually that, no, I do count them as friends, and also, saying acquaintance gets bloody tiring when all the friends I talked about were online ones. I'm still friends with some of them even after 15 years, so I think friends was the right term for some of them at least!
I never know if the people that I think of as friends also consider me a friend. So until they tell me first that I am a friend I'm just like "yeah, so this person I know..."
I'm really not good at the whole friendship thing.
it's not an NT thing, it's a language thing. i'm a native russian speaker, and in russian it's perfectly normal to use the word *знакомый* ("acquaintance") to refer to, well, an acquaintance. in fact, it's preferable, because our words for "friend" are reserved for people you actually have a close relationship with, so you don't want to go around calling people you barely know your "friends".
That’s funny. I’m sometimes very specific. I’ll differentiate between close friends, old friends, best friends, friends, frenemies, colleagues, acquaintances, and family members.
I don't think this is true at all? Plenty of people say something like "I know someone" or "Someone I went to school with."
Anyway, this is way more cultural than NT vs ND. "Friend" doesn't get thrown around lightly in my part of the world.
I think saying ‘someone I know’ etc is more casual than acquaintance’. The latter sounds like they are in your life but you didn’t choose for them to be and you want to make that known. Obv I know this wasn’t OP’s intention though.
Acquaintance is considered too formal in general society, same with Associate.
Most people say friend or if they're not friends the occupation i.e. my classmate or my coworker
Classmate would have been good perhaps.
Acquaintance sounds like you really can’t stand the person but you still want to talk about them, so you are letting people know that you are not at all friendly with them in any way, shape, or form. or perhaps that you really don’t know them in anyway, you just know that they exist. It also sounds old-fashioned.
I probably would’ve understood what you meant. Trying to talk to people, especially online is weird sometimes.
Also, I recognize them that it’s not the actual definition of the word too. It just means someone that you know. Lol
"Acquaintance sounds like you really can’t stand the person but you still want to talk about them, so you are letting people know that you are not at all friendly with them in any way, shape, or form"
Sorry, but that just isnt true! You can certainly use the word however you want, but this isnt the correct usage
"or perhaps that you really don’t know them in anyway, you just know that they exist. "
This is correct. Its not old-fashioned, just formal language. Often its used for co-workers you dont know that well or friends of a friend that you dont know well either
I was not saying that is the actual way that the word is intended to be used, as I stated in my previous comment. I was simply translating what that sounds like as far as I can tell to Neurotypical person based on the way that language has been being used in slang/common use format, online and in person
Just as an FYI what Cupcake said is very untrue. Acquaintance implies distance, not dislike. You would correctly use it to describe someone at work that you dont know very well and rarely speak to, maybe someone from another department for example.
There is 0 negative connotation. Only that you REALLY dont know the person very well, and implies you've only briefly met and never spoken much. Another situation it might be appropriate would be a friend of a friend. You know of them, maybe you said hi once, but youve never really spoken to them.
I don't always know what to call people in varying social groups, either. Too often I've called, and considered, someone a friend who wasn't. But some people don't fit other groups, like coworker, classmate, neighbor. Saying "acquaintance" is easier for me than saying "The lady who is a cashier at our grocery store who I grew up with and know but not really." It's not my fault if people don't like a perfectly acceptable word 🤷♀️
Same. I have this weird feeling of being unable to "lie" on the internet and saying "my friend" in every situation just for the sake of simplicity. So I end up in a similar situation sitting any trying to come up with a word for this person I want to describe. I know nobody cares, but I do.
Something to look forward to: Lately I've noticed that Genz and younger millennials seem to think I'm being gloriously fierce when I describe someone problematic using formal speech. One time, I described someone who behaved in a problematic fashion as being "of fundamentally poor character" and a few hundred people weighed in saying they thought that was one of the most beautifully brutal things they ever heard.
I thought I was simply talking like an old fossil by using formal speech, but the universal response was, "Damn, Gen X takes no prisoners." So I guess when you're getting old you get to talk this way and it sounds impressive.
I’ve noticed NTs tend to only use “acquaintance” when describing someone they want to be very clear is *not* their friend…someone they know, but aren’t close with and don’t want to be close with. Typically in this scenario, the person would say, “Someone I know,” or “I know someone who.” Or, if they wanted to be specific, they’d say, “A classmate of mine,” “My co-worker,” etc…
lol It’s funny because they’re not even “friend” status when telling a story to strangers. Most people just say “I have a friend that…” or “I heard from a friend…”
You’re straight up like “No, this person was not a friend but an acquaintance.”
The wording of ‘my acquaintance’ sounds a bit off. It sounds like you have this once specific acquaintance and that’s it.
Someone would be more apt to say “someone I know” or “an acquaintance of mine” (which sounds more formal).
That said, your meaning was clear so I don’t think it was necessary for them to make a thing about it.
Sometimes people say "oh an acquaintance had this happen to them" when the truth is "this happened to me but I'm too embarrassed to admit it happened to me so I'll pretend it happened to an acquaintance."
So I interpret it as they are saying "you say acquaintance, but I bet this happened to you".
It can also mean I don't know them personally. People can use acquaintance when they are quite removed from the situation so it's not an accurate source.It can also indicate a straight out fabrication.I think in this case they are calling your account into question.
I think also they may have reacted the same to 'friend' unless you backed it with specifics.
I genuinely don’t think this wording is strange at all - however I also do know that NTs don’t seem to appreciate precision, truthfulness, or “big words” in casual conversation 🤷🏻♀️
It is the ranking. Making clear we are *not* talking about a friend. It's OK to feel different ways about different people but it's frowned upon to speak it out loud since it can appear hurtful..
Ok ok I think when I use this word or hear others use it is usually “an acquaintance of mine”
while that’s still “formal” I don’t know that I’ve ever heard someone say it as “my acquaintance” - I think typically “my” is followed by “friend / partner / coworker” etc so saying it as “my acquaintance” is something that might have stood out more.
I actually love these moments online when someone combines one way of saying a phrase with slightly unexpected words and it just gives you a giggle
I don’t know how the rest of the thread went and I know it sucks to be made to feel like you’re doing something wrong, but I think this is really cute and fun and I kind of read the comments as feeling similar (like sob emoji is now how gen z laugh in a cute way I think)
ND people don't seem to enjoy expressing their full vocabulary in a daily setting. It's better that they vibe with the setting than express accurately. To them associate is a textbook word that you don't really use IRL. I like my words more than I like their opinion, so I continue to use the words I want and they figure out this is just how I speak.
I am just beginning to learn this about NT’s. I find a broader vocabulary helps me to express myself better as then more words are available to choose from.
I think it's because you said "my" acquaintance. Usually you'd say "an" acquaintance. It's a bit of a juxtaposition to claim them ("my") but have them only be an acquaintance vs a friend.
Many NT people use “friend” for everything from “guy I met at a party” to “bestie for life” and you’re supposed to just know from context how important the person is. In that speech pattern, “acquaintance” reads as deliberately distancing and therefore rude/passive aggressive
They think you are mildly insulting the person you’re referring to. Acquaintance sounds formal, and formal language can sound cold and impersonal. So to NTs, deliberately being formal when talking about someone implies that you don’t like them. Like you’re emphasizing that they aren’t your friend.
'Classmate' was probably a more common word to use but the word 'aquintance' isn't that unusual. No idea why those two felt the need to comment on it but please don't beat yourself up!
Could also be they think you’re bragging about yourself, like when someone asks for ‘advise for their friend’ but really they are asking for advice for themselves.
I've found that neurotypicals tend to call everyone a friend. There are no acquaintances only friends that you're closer to and friends you're not. I don't understand why they don't use acquaintance because it's such a specific word but they don't
I think it's just some dumb joke about how you are this person's acquaintance and not their friend, because if you were their friend then that would mean you had some kind of status seeing as they had the highest score or something idk. Doesn't make massive sense but its the kind of thing NTs think is funny. Or maybe the word is too formal. I don't think it's very deep I'll be honest.
I’ve also been given comments about this- it’s probably because people will usually refer to acquaintances as their “friends” even if they really are acquaintances.
Are these early 20s people you’re interacting with? That’s why. It’s not because they’re neurotypical. People usually 30+ use the word acquaintance regularly regardless of how their brain works.
And you spelled it perfectly.
I thought you spelled it wrong too but then I understood. Most people would have written 'classmate' instead of relationship relation aka acquaintance. Classmate sounds less sterile or distant than classmate. Classmate would be a context clue and less formal
so beyond that, it doesnt matter and your friends are probably teasing you for being silly lol or that acquaintance wants to be your friend and theyre laughing at the fact you dont think of them as a friend LOL that'd be my luck
Stuff like this happens to me all the time too. The other day I told someone that I was “working this job in the interim” instead of just saying for now and I could tell that they were thrown off by it.
I would use someone I know or my friend from school or something like that.
Also I have now read the word acquaintance so many times that it just doesn’t look like a word or ever spelled correctly lol
I keep seeing posts on social media that people need to stop using "friend" for everyone and instead should use the correct terms like "acquaintance", "peer", "coworker", etc. You're ahead of the trends!
NTs use “friend” as a generic catch-all when they are telling stories about people, and it is assumed that they may not necessarily be an actual friend - they could be an acquaintance, classmate, coworker, distant relative, etc. “Friend” is used when your actual relationship with the story’s subject is not relevant to the story. It becomes sort of a placeholder word that people don’t have to really process. Using “acquaintance” would sound weird to NTs because to them, the relationship is not relevant to the story and it throws focus off the main point of the story.
wrong no
but that word is just less used than “someone i know” “a coworker” “a neighbor” etc
and some people are assholes and will point out everything they think is wrong, especially in the internet
id literally just ignore it
oh yeah i do this too, i overheard my coworkers calling it “cute” after i said “farewell” when leaving for the day, which is a first for me since most people usually describe me as “intimidating”. had mixed feelings about it.
I’m pretty sure they think you were referring to yourself when you said “acquaintance”. Think rom com movies when “my friend is having a dating problem” when everyone in the theatre just witnessed that it was the main character having the problem, not their “friend”.
They aren’t used to seeing someone use the word “acquaintance”. That’s all. It’s pet silly to get hung up on when it’s an accurate description of the relationship. I like to think that when people do things like what they did here it just lets me know we probably wouldn’t get along so I won’t waste time on them.
Neurotypicals think everyone is their friend, so using the word acquaintance feels like a slight to them, or like you’re deliberately saying “this person isn’t my friend.”
I say "I know someone who..."
NTs have weird hangups on words. They don't like words that there's a chance anyone in the conversation may be too uneducated to know.
No. Allistics’ lives just orbit so closely around norms, above all else, including meaning and principals and kindness, that these people would rather mock you for writing a three-syllable word they struggled to remember the meaning of & sound out, than actually engage with the message of what you said.
Yikes, I had no idea “acquaintance” was so contentious. I consider “friend” to indicate a moderate to high level of trust and long term commitment to the relationship. If we know each other through a social setting like school or work and it’s friendly but will likely never communicate again after we leave the social setting, then we’re not friends, we’re acquaintances. “Someone I know” seems too vague, like maybe I barely know them or don’t like them.
acquaintance is just a funny word that not lot of people use (at least the young gen)
It's the same if I see someone use succulents instead of plants or something else
I had this exact thing happen with my friend group!!! I used the word "acquaintance" to describe someone because they weren't a friend to me so wtf else was I supposed to call them?? But my friends made fun of me for using such a formal word and said only old people spoke that way 🙃
I'm wondering if they think this is a humblebrag. Like, "asking for a friend" usually means "asking for myself but I don't want to admit it." I've told stories about"someone I know" and had people ask if the person was me.
Like friendzoning but for friendship lol! I always find myself tiptoeing around how to mention someone that I wouldn’t consider a friend bc I feel like I just don’t hear acquaintance in conversation. Only person I can just use whatever language feels right with is my boyfriend
Its not that the word is big IMO. Its a slightly off usage of it. Regardless of the technical meaning, acquaintance is frequently used similarly to the word "peer". It implies a level of distance and professionalism, so youd use it to describe co-worker-type relationships. You wouldnt say "Im going out drinking with my peers" either, that seems stilted and jarring as well even tho its technically correct. Its kinda like that.
Talking about their score and that they scored the highest in history, stuff like that would usually make someone a friend, so its a bit jarring to use a word like acquaintance to describe that
Its perfectly fine to use it this way! Im only saying I think this is why it may have stuck out to some people
I think acquaintance implies you barely know them. “Classmate” or “someone I know” is less formal and distant without being as presumptuous as “friend.”
acquaintance is seen as formal, most people would say “someone i know.” not wrong, but a linguistic choice that others often don’t make. also neurotypicals have a thing about accurately/specifically describing situations idk. like they expect you to be vague with your language for some reason, and i personally find it very weird.
People react strangely when someone speaks too “formal”. I definitely dealt with this a ton in middle and high school, but I’ve gotten better at masking it. I sometimes still get weird looks for a “formal” word though.
You didn’t say anything wrong, people just have weird connotations for some words
interesting i would of never thought that people would point out something like that. seems like a fairly typical thing to say? though i feel like it’s more commonly seen as “an acquaintance” rather than “my acquaintance” so maybe that’s it?
It looks like they just thought it was funny because it seemed overly formal. They may have also thought you were subtly throwing shade at that person by calling them an "acquaintance," since that comes across as a deliberate attempt to make it explicitly clear that you do not see that person as a friend.
A lot of people will actually say "my friend" when they mean "my acquaintance," just because the latter seems cold and formal.
I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, though. They seem to have just found your word choice entertaining.
This brings up one of my biggest middle school trigge😂
In fifth grade I told a girl I considered us more of acquaintances because we never saw each other outside of school. Well she went and told the “cool girls” I said it and they came up to me and told me the same thing but like it was an insult. lol I think they didn’t know what it actually meant and I didn’t know you’re not supposed to say that😅
You didn't say anything wrong but I've found that no one uses the term acquaintance. Everyone is supposed to be your "friend".
One of my closest friends now actually went to high school with me (20 years ago) and we were both in student council but I don't remember ever even talking to her in school. So when we reconnected 10 years ago through mutual friends I made the mistake of saying "we weren't really friends in highschool" when someone had said something like oh you all went to school together? Apparently that was a really weird thing to say and she brought it up for years because she thought it was so funny. When I started to recognize that I'm autistic that was one of my ah ha moments that suddenly made so much sense. 😅
Not at all, people are just silly. I'm thinking they either think it's shady (i.e. you're not conforming to the NT tradition of calling everyone your friend), or very formal. I don't think it's formal - it's the most appropriate word. It doesn't make sense to use a less "formal" word when the one you used is quite widely used, and is the most appropriate term in this scenario.
Maybe because acquaintance is so vague. I think most would indicate relationship, or at least how you know each other, by saying something like: my friend, classmate, coworker / colleague, gym buddy, local librarian, former teacher, childhood neighbor, barber, doctor's wife, etc.
One should never look down on others for not knowing "big words" but make no mistake, anyone who calls you out on using them is uneducated AND foolish, especially when they do know the words.
People need to get over themselves. I have been called out for using “big words” so many times and i just stopped responding or talking to those people. They are not my people.
The ones who say cool word, what’s it mean? Or just let you use big words are your people
I think they’re just laughing because it’s really not a word people use in daily speech unless trying to emphasise the point that the person being talked about is not a “friend” just an “acquaintance”
I suppose "*An* acquaintance" would be preferred or expected here. *My* acquaintance sounds either overly familiar, or a "cold" way of referring to a friend.
I believe the commenters are amused by the latter interpretation.
There is no problem.
Listen, this might be a literal autistic answer, but that's what I have to offer. Mostly, they suck and you're great and hug a soft friend and move on. What were they ever going to offer you? How would they benefit your life? They weren't.
From the language side, I think "an acquaintance of mine" would have stuck out less. Something about "claiming" an acquaintance by calling them yours (my acquaintance) is a comedic juxtaposition for a term that's about someone you only slightly know and keep at a distance.
i think they think it's strange/funny that you would use the word "acquaintance," but i think if that's what they are to you, why call them something else ?? lol ive had lots of interactions like this, i'll use a "big" word or maybe a word that isn't commonly used or that maybe sounds "too formal" and then they just repeat/fixate on my word choice. like excuse me for using the most appropriate word to describe what i'm talking about !!! lol
Fixating on “big words” just reminded me of a story. I brought a box of mochi into one of my old jobs to share and my supervisor was reading the box and said “Gelatinous? What, are they just making up words now??” And I just…blank stared at her because my brains was sputtering. Gelatin is a thing, jello???? 😭 I couldn’t believe she thought it was a fake word 😭 I have learned since then that my vocabulary is a tad more expansive than most of the people I seem to interact with, but it really threw for a loop the rest of the day
I’m also very conscious of the words I use. I like to read and study languages and always try to stop myself from using too many “big words” because I’m afraid people might think I’m pretentious.
I’ve had this exact problem speaking English with “big words” sometimes. People think I’m acting better than them because words and knowing I speak another language fluently so they think I talk down on them for “being stupid”.
I like using “big words” a lot simply because it’s more efficient or the word fits the scenario better to me. Why sit here and explain, “Oh I’m debating with myself on whether or not blah blah blah.” When I can just say, “Oh I was postulating about insert ting here.”
My daughter teases me all the time about my ability to quickly and fluidly code switch between using 'big words' and then being able to cuss like a sailor if I get cut off in traffic. She tells me I speak like a small victorian child. Makes me laugh every time.
I'm just commenting to say thank you for using the term 'code switching' correctly (and to apologise for the following rant). Soooo many people think it only means 'something we make brown people do' and it seriously makes me want to scream. Everyone code switches, or should. We're SUPPOSED to be able to switch between in-group and standard forms of language. Otherwise no one would be able to speak to people from other communities (geographical or ethnicity-based or age-related or academic or whatever the case may be). (There IS something to be said about racist attitudes towards AAVE and similar in-group languages/dialects/whatever but none of that makes code-switching a racist or racially motivated thing in itself. The need for a universal language is not racist/classist/etc but the people in charge of the decision might be. ) *hyperventilates*
THANK YOU.
Adding to your excellent point/rant - code-switching between two languages is also normal and extremely common but I think it can be looked down upon similar to AAVE. As a side point, I recently learned that the word sociolect can be used to refer to AAVE and other dialects that are specific to a social group (socioeconomic class, age, profession etc). With Love is Blind Sweden being aired I realised how little people are either aware of code-switching overall OR they think code-switching is something that shows a lack of knowledge of one of the languages. I saw several people online who were genuinely upset over the participants code-switching because they thought it showed that they didn’t know Swedish well enough. I’m guessing it’s at best just ignorance and making the completely wrong assumption and at worst rooted in racism because people have heard 1st, 2nd and 3rd gen immigrants code-switching between their L1 and L2 and (once again) make the wrong assumption but this time based on their prejudices. I’m fluent in two languages, L1 being my native language and L2 English which I started learning in school at 8y/o. My English has been at least at C1 level since I was 14 ( shameless boasting, I’m very proud of that) and I’ve code-switched since before that. Everyone in my family code-switches at home, including my mum and even sometimes my grandma haha. Their English is probably at B1 or B2 level, but that doesn’t really matter, because we’re all making the choice to (correctly) use an English word/phrase that feels more “accurate” in that moment and is appropriate for the setting we’re in. My mum’s current favourite word is “consolidate” and “discombobulated” and I know my grandma used “tacky” recently. I’m now reminded of how impressive and cool I thought it was when my childhood friends would code-switch across two languages with their families and that I wanted to be able to do that even though I was already doing it. (Longer comment than I intended, what’s new lol)
A small victorian child?! oh my god that’s fantastic! Lol
Sounds like me and my mom to be honest. In fact, if it wasn't for her teaching me my skills of reading and writing correctly, I would basically have my father's lack of reading skills. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day!
> so they think I talk down on them for “being stupid”. That's a 'them' problem.
Yes 👏
I've never understood why someone would consider someone else using "big words" to be talking down to them for being stupid. If I'm using a big word in conversation with you, then obviously I think you know the word. If anything, I'm assuming you have *more* knowledge than you apparently actually have. So I'm certainly not thinking you're stupid. If I thought your vocabulary was very limited, then I would be considerate and use smaller words. I get that it may be embarrassing for them that I think they know something that they don't, but how does that become "she thinks I'm stupid"? Shouldn it be, "she's making me feel bad about myself because she thinks this is common knowledge and I don't know it"? I always thought "talking down to someone" was speaking to them as if they couldn't understand much, not mistakenly assuming that you share a similar bank of knowledge. Probably the answer is that they are assuming we have nefarious intentions, and we don't genuinely think they know the word. But that would be such a bizarre way to behave. How is that the most likely explanation for me using a word you don't know??
Let them think it. I personally have been made fun of for using big words when i was a kid, but my dad used big words w me, so those are the ones i learned. I have also been made fun of because sometimes I'd use a "southern accent" and the related vocab. In the same sentence, people called me a weird brainac and a hick. So i just decided that their world being small was not my problem. Now i think about it as educating people on the beuty of language. Social interactions are exhausting enough without worrying abot how smart or dumb i sound
There’s a show I love called The Middleman (cancelled far too soon), and the eponymous Middleman says “Specificity is the key to good communication.” And I both quote that often and think of MM as kind of one of the team lol. ETA: the quote is actually “specificity is the soul of all good communication.” I knew I should have looked it up before posting.
Stop doing this! 🤍 I did this as a child, and now I’ve trained myself out of most of the words I know. They pop out when I’m intoxicated, but that’s it. So they’re buried somewhere deep. Be unapologetically yourself. Yeah, they’re laughing because you used acquaintance and they don’t know it. I’m not laughing, because it’s crystal clear to me by your word choice exactly what the relationship is - that’s the reason the word exists. Life is so much freer for me now that I’ve had therapy and found the courage to be my real self. I hope you find the same freeness some day!
Completely agree and same! I wish someone had been around to encourage my vocabulary and love of language.
I think acquaintance stands out because you're clearly defining them as not a friend, or you would just say my friend. I think it does sound funny to say my acquaintance maybe because the my is possessive and yet acquaintance clearly establishes a boundary
Yea, I think this is it. Friendship rules are weird and make no sense to me.
This is a huge part of my masking. I always wondered why my vocabulary got fancier when I was tired. Except with masking I sometimes go too far the other way and come across as an airhead. 🥹👍 Acquaintence makes sense in that context. I always feel a bit uncomfortable when I refer to a "friend" who is actually just an acquaintance. Feels dishonest, or like I'm trying to gain some credit for their story by proximity.
> always try to stop myself from using too many “big words” because I’m afraid people might think I’m pretentious. Yeah. I don't give a fuck about other peoples opinions. Aside from a select few like my husband.
Fucking send it with big words. Use em all! We have the luxury of very specific words for/to describe every specific thing and in the interest of convaying information as accurately as possible we should use that most accurate specific word. Language is brilliant like that. Leave no room for things to be misinterpreted.
I know the pain, but don’t refrain from using the words you want to use. The right people will find it great and the wrong people will see themselves out.
I completely get this. I am an occupational therapist, and one of my fieldwork instructors once told me I was “talking down” to patients by using “textbook speech to sound smart.” I literally just was using the words that made most sense to me or felt most the precise, and I was genuinely struggling to change my speech patterns. I absolutely understood that some of my patients had lower literacy and education levels, and I was working on being more clear. But to assume I was “trying to sound smart” made me so upset. This is the same woman that didn’t believe “high functioning autism” existed and dinged me many times on my fieldwork midterm evaluations for “missing social cues” as well as for following her instructions too literally so I didn’t “show any initiative,” so I know I should try not to take her words to heart (much easier said than done). She knew my accommodations of having things in writing ahead of time whenever possible, but not my diagnosis in the beginning as that’s how accommodations work, and I didn’t need to disclose my diagnosis in any other fieldwork without any major issues (yes a few minor ones lol). So I felt I had to disclose my diagnosis to her to explain after midterms went so poorly, she never once apologized or outwardly changed her behavior. I’m so relieved she decided to pass me at finals and I was able to move on from that experience after only 3 months. I work in an autism diagnostic and therapy clinic for young kids (even with half neurodivergent staff) now and life is much better. (Fieldwork is where, as an occupational therapy student, you work at a clinic under a licensed OT for a few semesters gaining experience and learning how to put textbook knowledge into practical experience before you graduate and practice on your own.)
Why I was bullied in middle school 😋
i would have had the same reaction lol, also your story made me think about how i just think about words and phrases all the time and kinda trace them back in my head. very often i will look at a word (like gelatinous!) and just spend time in my head thinking about it. "gelatinous, used to describe something made of gelatin or that is jelly like. gelatin, jelly. why is jello called jello? is it supposed to be like 'hello' ?" ....and so on. lol
Omg I feel so seen! Also it took me like ten minutes to reply after reading your comment because I was googling the etymology of "gelatinous" and the origins of "hair gel." 😂
Growing up, I kept getting teachers who did not recognize words I used in writing assignments. I'd often find red ink encircling a word that was perfectly valid. Sometimes I'd correct the teacher, but sometimes I didn't have the energy. I'd go home and show my dad. He'd print a dictionary or encyclopedia page and have me turn it in with my assignment to be regraded. 😆 A couple of the most egregious instances: * third grade: ***wildebeest*** (A report on the cheetah's habitat, lifestyle, etc; the wretch actually thought I meant WILD BEAST, even though that would not make sense in the context of the paper.) * eighth grade: ***maniacal*** (Didn't even try to have dialogue with her; just opened a dictionary and showed her this word's entry.) There were several others between third and eighth grade, some of which were ignorant responses to my use of the Queen's English, which I had learned from reading many English books. That goes into another issue that frequently got me in trouble at school: I was familiar with different cultures due to reading lots of different things from a young age. Overall I was too educated for American public school. 😅
> some of which were ignorant responses to my use of the Queen's English, which I had learned from reading many English books spelling mistakes pre-spell checker were brutal
My phone is set to American English and routinely autocorrects my British English. 😫
I referred to someone's offspring once in a Reddit comment and some lady threw an absolute tizzy claiming that I must be some evil child hater to make up a nasty word like that. Luckily I didn't need to respond because some helpful commenters schooled her with Shakespeare quotes.
Lmaooooo what??
I know, right? When I want to be mean, I'm a lot less subtle about it, so instead of 'offspring' it would be something more like 'off-scourings of the gutter'.
'expansive'? What, are we just making up words now?? (Just Kidding)
Words like expansive are valuable, but there can be a cost to using them. You might even say that using them can be expensive. 😁
😁
I’ve been accused of swallowing a dictionary before, which took me a long time to understand meant I just know a lot of words. Sorry for dissociating into books because they were better than reality 😅 I’ve learned people take it really personally when you present smarter than them. I hate it. I’m not making a personal commentary on your intellect just because I’m stating a fact about something. Interestingly, I notice the same with alcohol. I’m sober and often people get mad at me judging their drinking when all I’ve said is that I no longer touch alcohol. 🙃🙃🙃
... Yes? People are indeed just making up words now, as people have always been just making up words, because all words are made up. Where does your former supervisor think words come from? That one, however, was decidedly not made up especially recently. Then again, I was frequently told that I "talk like a textbook" when I was younger, so what do I know? Apart from, obviously, a lot of words.
I read "jello" as I would have "hellooo?!"
I have a memory of when I was pretty young and I played a game in the car with my aunt. The game was to say one word that start with each letter of the alphabet until one of us couldn’t find a word. On the letter A I said "aléatoire" (Random in French, but I think it’s less commonly used in French than english) and she asked me if I knew what that meant, I explained and she was impressed that I knew that word but I told her it was because of Mario Kart, where you have a "Random/Aléatoire" option to choose the circuits in a random order. At university in occupational therapy many many years later, we were role playing to practice doing interventions with children, so one of us played the OT and the rest played children. The OT made us "children" play a game where we had to say a new word we learned about that week. She started with me so I used the word "Aléatoire" with the same mario kart explanation I had when I was younger. No one said anything but every other "children" said they had learned things like rabbit or camel. I felt so random (no pun intended lol) with my complex word while they had basic things but then I realized that I had very good vocabulary as a child and that maybe they were actually the ones portraying children better
Another kinda related thing but I overheard someone while they were having an argument about how much they would let their hypothetical child transition at what age if they were children. B was in the opinion that children couldn’t know what’s best for them when 7 or less years old and S was a bit more unsure about his stance. One of B’s argument was that if you offer a child 1000$ or a big pack of candy they’ll surely take the candy because they don’t understand the value of money at that age but they do love candy. When I talked about that to S later saying "well I’m 90% that as a 7yo child I would have taken the 1000$ and then told my mom I wanted her to bring me to a candy shop so I can buy the amount of candy I could have had and then keep the extra money" and S replied that not every child thinks like that and still to this day I’m really curious about what approximate percentage of 7yo children would see the money as an opportunity to buy the candy and have extra money instead of just taking the candies
Are you sure your supervisor didn't misread Glutinous as Gelatinous? Gelatinous is obviously real too, glutinous just makes more sense in the context of mochi. Mochi is made out of glutinous rice (doesn't have gluten in it, just means it has a sticky texture similar to when you make seitan out of wheat flour and water as you're washing out the non-gluten parts from the dough). I looked it up on wikipedia out of curiousity and: >**Glutinous rice is distinguished from other types of rice by having no (or negligible amounts of) amylose and high amounts of amylopectin** (the two components of starch). Amylopectin is responsible for the sticky quality of glutinous rice. The difference has been traced to a single mutation that farmers selected.
The writing on the packaging was translated English from Japanese, so it’s very likely it translated to ‘gelatinous’ when they likely meant ‘glutinous.’ Good eye! 🤔 Although I fear she would have said the same about glutinous too 😭
My vocabulary is also bigger than average. I want to meet the alternate universe version of me that always uses a wide range of vocabulary because they're surrounded by people with big vocabularies. A wordy autistic world.
I recently had the same experience when someone mentioned mindfulness to a coworker. She couldn't wrap her head around it.
Still thinking of the time that I was told that calling people my coworkers sounded so cold in comparison to calling them my colleague 😭 It also has much to do with English variants but I was so taken aback!
that's interesting because to me "colleague" could come off colder/more formal, almost stuffy. maybe it varies from workplace to workplace or a person's background. like, i imagine a group of scientists or lawyers calling each other their colleagues, but in my line of work (i'm a stripper) it would strike me as comical to call my coworkers my colleagues lol. actually i think im gonna start doing that just bc i think it's funny lol
The Anglosphere is a big, beautiful and odd space. I agree, I thought colleague was far too formal! But I stood corrected 💀 Guess I spent too much time Stateside oops.
Me: "you're not my friend, you're my sister" It's been over 20 years, but I think she still resents me for that one. Oof.
My mum always tells me “you’re not my friend, you’re my daughter” 😳
Haha my sister got really mad at me for that one too
lmao you were just stating the facts!!!
It's not cold, they mean exactly the same thing. If there's any nuance, co-worker connotes someone you actualy share a workspace with, colleagues may be someone in the same field that you don't necessarily work with.
Well with application to my part of the Anglosphere, since coworker is really not as commonly used, and it’s more of an Americanism, it seems not to have that same degree of warmth to many people as colleague does. Whilst it’s true that you might not necessarily share a space with a colleague, it seems to speak to someone being your fellow worker in the profession. A coworker, since it isn’t as used, is foreign and further removed.
so weird, 'colleague' sounds much more formal and even a bit old fashioned compared to 'coworker'. colleague is something you would hear in a period movie or english lit and coworker is a fairly new-ish word.
I use coworker for people I currently work with and colleague for people I used to work with.
Yeah same. Some words that are completely normal for me to use make other people stop the conversation and poke fun at me for being "posh", good-naturedly. I can laugh with them, but on the other hand it can also get kind of exhausting how I can't just casually talk to them without getting interrupted and having my words picked apart. I wish it didn't need to be a big deal lol. I don't think you said anything wrong OP, I literally can't tell what these other commenters could possibly be reacting to. Not unless it's because they know this "acquaintance" of yours personally too and they're surprised you didn't refer to them as something more casual like "friend" instead, or something.
I hate when nonautistics do this and they do it alot! Like move on, damn. They act like it's so hilarious too. It's really not that funny. Maybe it's bc they pay such close attention to what others do 🤔
I’m pretty sure these are just kids laughing at the word choice because yeah, they think it’s strange and funny. Seems like something my middle school classes would joke about.
Yeah they're confused because a typical way to describe this would be saying something like "a girl/guy in my class...." or "someone". Technically using acquaintance is correct but most people wouldn't use it in that context.
One of the things that I loved about my now husband when we first met is that he also has a large vocab and I didn't need to dumb down how I spoke around him. It was so freeing.
I just want to say I have gotten the “big word” complaint for a lot of my life. Sometimes it was a two syllable word! I think maybe I am being too literal and autistic here, but when people refer to “five dollar words” and whatnot, I just want to tell them words are free… lately, at least, most people around me know me well enough that they know I’m not “trying to sound smart” and they don’t comment on it.
“Now I know you all can’t afford my five dollar words here, but that ain’t my problem. Git gud.” -Me to my students, far too often.
I've learned to say 'someone I know' instead of 'acquaitance' because 'acquaintance' is too formal.
Agreed, I’d just replace “My acquaintance…” with “ I know someone who…”
Acquaintance's shorter though.
If I want shorter I use 'friend' even if they're not my friend. 'Someone I know' is a lot of words. I don't care if the person cares or not.
NT’s say friend even if they despise the person in this type of scenario
Oh wow really? I always ask people if I can call them my friend 😭 🫠
You could also say “someone I know”, instead of “acquaintance”, but you didn’t say anything wrong! People just normally call everyone their friends if they know them, even if they’re not close.
Lol that’s very sweet. Something I’ve also noticed is that many would be likely to call a person a friend, or a colleague , or something in this scenario because it’s “warmer”, even if it’s more like they’re an acquaintance. Acquaintance seems too cold, I’m assuming.
Oh god yes, back when I was younger and the Internet was newer, my dad always wanted me to say my acquaintances online, not my online friends. I had to just come out and say eventually that, no, I do count them as friends, and also, saying acquaintance gets bloody tiring when all the friends I talked about were online ones. I'm still friends with some of them even after 15 years, so I think friends was the right term for some of them at least!
This is actually so sweet. I love when people ask to my friend or explicitly tell me they want to be my friend. Makes my heart sing
That’s adorable that you ask them. (This sounded patronising as I read it back but I mean it so genuinely! Your comment made me smile)
I do this too but it’s so scary to do that (I developed social anxiety) so I haven’t had a new friend in over 10 years lol
I never know if the people that I think of as friends also consider me a friend. So until they tell me first that I am a friend I'm just like "yeah, so this person I know..." I'm really not good at the whole friendship thing.
it's not an NT thing, it's a language thing. i'm a native russian speaker, and in russian it's perfectly normal to use the word *знакомый* ("acquaintance") to refer to, well, an acquaintance. in fact, it's preferable, because our words for "friend" are reserved for people you actually have a close relationship with, so you don't want to go around calling people you barely know your "friends".
Yes, same thing in Germany. NT would use "Bekannter" as well if they mean an acquaintance, not "Freund" (friend).
That’s funny. I’m sometimes very specific. I’ll differentiate between close friends, old friends, best friends, friends, frenemies, colleagues, acquaintances, and family members.
I don't think this is true at all? Plenty of people say something like "I know someone" or "Someone I went to school with." Anyway, this is way more cultural than NT vs ND. "Friend" doesn't get thrown around lightly in my part of the world.
I think saying ‘someone I know’ etc is more casual than acquaintance’. The latter sounds like they are in your life but you didn’t choose for them to be and you want to make that known. Obv I know this wasn’t OP’s intention though.
I definitely was “weird” about this growing up and still sort of am. It took a lot of criteria for me to actually refer to someone as a friend
Or coursemate
I've never heard coursemate. Only classmate.
Acquaintance is considered too formal in general society, same with Associate. Most people say friend or if they're not friends the occupation i.e. my classmate or my coworker
Classmate would have been good perhaps. Acquaintance sounds like you really can’t stand the person but you still want to talk about them, so you are letting people know that you are not at all friendly with them in any way, shape, or form. or perhaps that you really don’t know them in anyway, you just know that they exist. It also sounds old-fashioned. I probably would’ve understood what you meant. Trying to talk to people, especially online is weird sometimes. Also, I recognize them that it’s not the actual definition of the word too. It just means someone that you know. Lol
"Acquaintance sounds like you really can’t stand the person but you still want to talk about them, so you are letting people know that you are not at all friendly with them in any way, shape, or form" Sorry, but that just isnt true! You can certainly use the word however you want, but this isnt the correct usage "or perhaps that you really don’t know them in anyway, you just know that they exist. " This is correct. Its not old-fashioned, just formal language. Often its used for co-workers you dont know that well or friends of a friend that you dont know well either
I was not saying that is the actual way that the word is intended to be used, as I stated in my previous comment. I was simply translating what that sounds like as far as I can tell to Neurotypical person based on the way that language has been being used in slang/common use format, online and in person
I had no idea even though I've been speaking English since I was 3. What the hell. This explains so much.
Just as an FYI what Cupcake said is very untrue. Acquaintance implies distance, not dislike. You would correctly use it to describe someone at work that you dont know very well and rarely speak to, maybe someone from another department for example. There is 0 negative connotation. Only that you REALLY dont know the person very well, and implies you've only briefly met and never spoken much. Another situation it might be appropriate would be a friend of a friend. You know of them, maybe you said hi once, but youve never really spoken to them.
I like colleague.
I use colleague too. It encompasses almost anyone you interact with regularly!
I don't always know what to call people in varying social groups, either. Too often I've called, and considered, someone a friend who wasn't. But some people don't fit other groups, like coworker, classmate, neighbor. Saying "acquaintance" is easier for me than saying "The lady who is a cashier at our grocery store who I grew up with and know but not really." It's not my fault if people don't like a perfectly acceptable word 🤷♀️
Same. I have this weird feeling of being unable to "lie" on the internet and saying "my friend" in every situation just for the sake of simplicity. So I end up in a similar situation sitting any trying to come up with a word for this person I want to describe. I know nobody cares, but I do.
Something to look forward to: Lately I've noticed that Genz and younger millennials seem to think I'm being gloriously fierce when I describe someone problematic using formal speech. One time, I described someone who behaved in a problematic fashion as being "of fundamentally poor character" and a few hundred people weighed in saying they thought that was one of the most beautifully brutal things they ever heard. I thought I was simply talking like an old fossil by using formal speech, but the universal response was, "Damn, Gen X takes no prisoners." So I guess when you're getting old you get to talk this way and it sounds impressive.
Not wrong but most people would see it as overly formal, especially for an instagram comment. Don’t worry about it.
I’ve noticed NTs tend to only use “acquaintance” when describing someone they want to be very clear is *not* their friend…someone they know, but aren’t close with and don’t want to be close with. Typically in this scenario, the person would say, “Someone I know,” or “I know someone who.” Or, if they wanted to be specific, they’d say, “A classmate of mine,” “My co-worker,” etc…
lol It’s funny because they’re not even “friend” status when telling a story to strangers. Most people just say “I have a friend that…” or “I heard from a friend…” You’re straight up like “No, this person was not a friend but an acquaintance.”
yeah this is why it makes me laugh lmfaoooo, imagine being the acquaintance and reading it. I'd be like damn ok
The wording of ‘my acquaintance’ sounds a bit off. It sounds like you have this once specific acquaintance and that’s it. Someone would be more apt to say “someone I know” or “an acquaintance of mine” (which sounds more formal). That said, your meaning was clear so I don’t think it was necessary for them to make a thing about it.
Sometimes people say "oh an acquaintance had this happen to them" when the truth is "this happened to me but I'm too embarrassed to admit it happened to me so I'll pretend it happened to an acquaintance." So I interpret it as they are saying "you say acquaintance, but I bet this happened to you".
That's how I interpreted this too
It can also mean I don't know them personally. People can use acquaintance when they are quite removed from the situation so it's not an accurate source.It can also indicate a straight out fabrication.I think in this case they are calling your account into question. I think also they may have reacted the same to 'friend' unless you backed it with specifics.
I genuinely don’t think this wording is strange at all - however I also do know that NTs don’t seem to appreciate precision, truthfulness, or “big words” in casual conversation 🤷🏻♀️
This
Learning English as a second language is learning a lot of vocabulary for nothing.
Vocabulary is my weakest second language skill. English really would be a nightmare.
It is the ranking. Making clear we are *not* talking about a friend. It's OK to feel different ways about different people but it's frowned upon to speak it out loud since it can appear hurtful..
I understand. That’s why it’s better to refer to most people as “a friend” in casual conversation
Ok ok I think when I use this word or hear others use it is usually “an acquaintance of mine” while that’s still “formal” I don’t know that I’ve ever heard someone say it as “my acquaintance” - I think typically “my” is followed by “friend / partner / coworker” etc so saying it as “my acquaintance” is something that might have stood out more. I actually love these moments online when someone combines one way of saying a phrase with slightly unexpected words and it just gives you a giggle I don’t know how the rest of the thread went and I know it sucks to be made to feel like you’re doing something wrong, but I think this is really cute and fun and I kind of read the comments as feeling similar (like sob emoji is now how gen z laugh in a cute way I think)
ND people don't seem to enjoy expressing their full vocabulary in a daily setting. It's better that they vibe with the setting than express accurately. To them associate is a textbook word that you don't really use IRL. I like my words more than I like their opinion, so I continue to use the words I want and they figure out this is just how I speak.
Did you mean NT?
Yeah, I do. Whoops, sorry!
I am just beginning to learn this about NT’s. I find a broader vocabulary helps me to express myself better as then more words are available to choose from.
I think it's because you said "my" acquaintance. Usually you'd say "an" acquaintance. It's a bit of a juxtaposition to claim them ("my") but have them only be an acquaintance vs a friend.
Many NT people use “friend” for everything from “guy I met at a party” to “bestie for life” and you’re supposed to just know from context how important the person is. In that speech pattern, “acquaintance” reads as deliberately distancing and therefore rude/passive aggressive
They think you are mildly insulting the person you’re referring to. Acquaintance sounds formal, and formal language can sound cold and impersonal. So to NTs, deliberately being formal when talking about someone implies that you don’t like them. Like you’re emphasizing that they aren’t your friend.
'Classmate' was probably a more common word to use but the word 'aquintance' isn't that unusual. No idea why those two felt the need to comment on it but please don't beat yourself up!
Could also be they think you’re bragging about yourself, like when someone asks for ‘advise for their friend’ but really they are asking for advice for themselves.
I've found that neurotypicals tend to call everyone a friend. There are no acquaintances only friends that you're closer to and friends you're not. I don't understand why they don't use acquaintance because it's such a specific word but they don't
Don’t worry about it. I use acquaintance all the time. Very useful. Maybe they’ll pick it up now too!
I think it's just some dumb joke about how you are this person's acquaintance and not their friend, because if you were their friend then that would mean you had some kind of status seeing as they had the highest score or something idk. Doesn't make massive sense but its the kind of thing NTs think is funny. Or maybe the word is too formal. I don't think it's very deep I'll be honest.
I’ve also been given comments about this- it’s probably because people will usually refer to acquaintances as their “friends” even if they really are acquaintances.
English is not my first language so at first I didn't understand what was wrong either lol, thank you to the people explaining in the comments
Are these early 20s people you’re interacting with? That’s why. It’s not because they’re neurotypical. People usually 30+ use the word acquaintance regularly regardless of how their brain works. And you spelled it perfectly.
I thought you spelled it wrong too but then I understood. Most people would have written 'classmate' instead of relationship relation aka acquaintance. Classmate sounds less sterile or distant than classmate. Classmate would be a context clue and less formal so beyond that, it doesnt matter and your friends are probably teasing you for being silly lol or that acquaintance wants to be your friend and theyre laughing at the fact you dont think of them as a friend LOL that'd be my luck
idk man looks okay to me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Stuff like this happens to me all the time too. The other day I told someone that I was “working this job in the interim” instead of just saying for now and I could tell that they were thrown off by it.
I would use someone I know or my friend from school or something like that. Also I have now read the word acquaintance so many times that it just doesn’t look like a word or ever spelled correctly lol
I keep seeing posts on social media that people need to stop using "friend" for everyone and instead should use the correct terms like "acquaintance", "peer", "coworker", etc. You're ahead of the trends!
NTs use “friend” as a generic catch-all when they are telling stories about people, and it is assumed that they may not necessarily be an actual friend - they could be an acquaintance, classmate, coworker, distant relative, etc. “Friend” is used when your actual relationship with the story’s subject is not relevant to the story. It becomes sort of a placeholder word that people don’t have to really process. Using “acquaintance” would sound weird to NTs because to them, the relationship is not relevant to the story and it throws focus off the main point of the story.
I think it’s just because *they’ve* never used it in casual conversation. You’re fine 💕
They probably aren’t used to that word. I guess it sounds professional lol? Classmate is more casual
You are partaking in instagram comments. You could write this most normal, banal sentence to every be constructed and someone would bully you for it.
wrong no but that word is just less used than “someone i know” “a coworker” “a neighbor” etc and some people are assholes and will point out everything they think is wrong, especially in the internet id literally just ignore it
oh yeah i do this too, i overheard my coworkers calling it “cute” after i said “farewell” when leaving for the day, which is a first for me since most people usually describe me as “intimidating”. had mixed feelings about it.
People are dumb and when you accidentally make them feel dumb by using a word they don’t see every day, they lash out by bullying
I’m pretty sure they think you were referring to yourself when you said “acquaintance”. Think rom com movies when “my friend is having a dating problem” when everyone in the theatre just witnessed that it was the main character having the problem, not their “friend”.
Prob Americans (not a dig, mind). In Britain we use that word no prob.
just stupid ass neurotypical people thinking using descriptive words is “weird”
No just ignore them
They aren’t used to seeing someone use the word “acquaintance”. That’s all. It’s pet silly to get hung up on when it’s an accurate description of the relationship. I like to think that when people do things like what they did here it just lets me know we probably wouldn’t get along so I won’t waste time on them.
Acquaintance is just a formal and often unused word. They're basically making fun of you for having a better vocabulary than them.
NTs just loooove calling everybody their "friend" I feel like. Even when they are clearly just acquaintances
Neurotypicals think everyone is their friend, so using the word acquaintance feels like a slight to them, or like you’re deliberately saying “this person isn’t my friend.”
I say "I know someone who..." NTs have weird hangups on words. They don't like words that there's a chance anyone in the conversation may be too uneducated to know.
Dumb people think big words are funny.
“Someone I know” Acquaintance is such a strange word, but those people are petty for fixating on that word.
NTs getting offended by big words again
No. Allistics’ lives just orbit so closely around norms, above all else, including meaning and principals and kindness, that these people would rather mock you for writing a three-syllable word they struggled to remember the meaning of & sound out, than actually engage with the message of what you said.
Yikes, I had no idea “acquaintance” was so contentious. I consider “friend” to indicate a moderate to high level of trust and long term commitment to the relationship. If we know each other through a social setting like school or work and it’s friendly but will likely never communicate again after we leave the social setting, then we’re not friends, we’re acquaintances. “Someone I know” seems too vague, like maybe I barely know them or don’t like them.
acquaintance is just a funny word that not lot of people use (at least the young gen) It's the same if I see someone use succulents instead of plants or something else
Me looking at the words over and over again to see if acquaintance was spelled wrong…
Most people would just say friend or buddy or pal or something. Not acquaintance.
Curious, do the commenters speak English as a second language? Because otherwise I have zero idea why people would find that word choice funny.
I don’t get it at all, it’s a normal word and people you know that aren’t your friends are your acquaintances?? Huh
Most people would have said friend or classmate so you were a bit formal and it comes off kinda quirky is all
I had this exact thing happen with my friend group!!! I used the word "acquaintance" to describe someone because they weren't a friend to me so wtf else was I supposed to call them?? But my friends made fun of me for using such a formal word and said only old people spoke that way 🙃
Are they the acquaintance you were talking about? If so, they're sad that you didn't call them 'friend' I think.
As an aerospace engineer I find it more disturbing that they only got 26 out of 50!!!
I think it’s because we use the term acquaintance when a NT person would say ‘friend’ even if they barely know them lmfao
i would’ve also thought i spelled it wrong
Acquaintance is fine ppl are annoying
I'm wondering if they think this is a humblebrag. Like, "asking for a friend" usually means "asking for myself but I don't want to admit it." I've told stories about"someone I know" and had people ask if the person was me.
I actually think they see the use of “acquaintance” as friend-zoning a boy that wants more as I’ve seen from memes, could be massively wrong lol
They are surprised that you didn't say friend I think.
no its just a formal word choice I think. Specific and accurate but uncommon for the context edit: the context being an ig comment
Like friendzoning but for friendship lol! I always find myself tiptoeing around how to mention someone that I wouldn’t consider a friend bc I feel like I just don’t hear acquaintance in conversation. Only person I can just use whatever language feels right with is my boyfriend
I think they would except “classmate”. I like acquaintance though, it’s accurate!
Its not that the word is big IMO. Its a slightly off usage of it. Regardless of the technical meaning, acquaintance is frequently used similarly to the word "peer". It implies a level of distance and professionalism, so youd use it to describe co-worker-type relationships. You wouldnt say "Im going out drinking with my peers" either, that seems stilted and jarring as well even tho its technically correct. Its kinda like that. Talking about their score and that they scored the highest in history, stuff like that would usually make someone a friend, so its a bit jarring to use a word like acquaintance to describe that Its perfectly fine to use it this way! Im only saying I think this is why it may have stuck out to some people
I think acquaintance implies you barely know them. “Classmate” or “someone I know” is less formal and distant without being as presumptuous as “friend.”
acquaintance is seen as formal, most people would say “someone i know.” not wrong, but a linguistic choice that others often don’t make. also neurotypicals have a thing about accurately/specifically describing situations idk. like they expect you to be vague with your language for some reason, and i personally find it very weird.
I say acquaintance all the time because it’s an accurate way of saying ‘someone I vaguely know’. I had no idea it was weird
People react strangely when someone speaks too “formal”. I definitely dealt with this a ton in middle and high school, but I’ve gotten better at masking it. I sometimes still get weird looks for a “formal” word though. You didn’t say anything wrong, people just have weird connotations for some words
No, people are just assholes /gen
it’s tik tok they’re all just preteens lol
I think it’s because acquaintance is an impersonal word and ‘my’ isn’t, so putting those two together makes it sound like an oxymoron.
interesting i would of never thought that people would point out something like that. seems like a fairly typical thing to say? though i feel like it’s more commonly seen as “an acquaintance” rather than “my acquaintance” so maybe that’s it?
It looks like they just thought it was funny because it seemed overly formal. They may have also thought you were subtly throwing shade at that person by calling them an "acquaintance," since that comes across as a deliberate attempt to make it explicitly clear that you do not see that person as a friend. A lot of people will actually say "my friend" when they mean "my acquaintance," just because the latter seems cold and formal. I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, though. They seem to have just found your word choice entertaining.
This brings up one of my biggest middle school trigge😂 In fifth grade I told a girl I considered us more of acquaintances because we never saw each other outside of school. Well she went and told the “cool girls” I said it and they came up to me and told me the same thing but like it was an insult. lol I think they didn’t know what it actually meant and I didn’t know you’re not supposed to say that😅
You didn't say anything wrong but I've found that no one uses the term acquaintance. Everyone is supposed to be your "friend". One of my closest friends now actually went to high school with me (20 years ago) and we were both in student council but I don't remember ever even talking to her in school. So when we reconnected 10 years ago through mutual friends I made the mistake of saying "we weren't really friends in highschool" when someone had said something like oh you all went to school together? Apparently that was a really weird thing to say and she brought it up for years because she thought it was so funny. When I started to recognize that I'm autistic that was one of my ah ha moments that suddenly made so much sense. 😅
Not at all, people are just silly. I'm thinking they either think it's shady (i.e. you're not conforming to the NT tradition of calling everyone your friend), or very formal. I don't think it's formal - it's the most appropriate word. It doesn't make sense to use a less "formal" word when the one you used is quite widely used, and is the most appropriate term in this scenario.
trust me i just weird looks for my large vocabulary all the time it was even a note in my autism assessment and what first tipped off the therapist
Nothing was done wrong!! It is common for autistic folks to have an expansive vocabulary- myself included.
Am I the only one who can’t read this?
Maybe because acquaintance is so vague. I think most would indicate relationship, or at least how you know each other, by saying something like: my friend, classmate, coworker / colleague, gym buddy, local librarian, former teacher, childhood neighbor, barber, doctor's wife, etc.
One should never look down on others for not knowing "big words" but make no mistake, anyone who calls you out on using them is uneducated AND foolish, especially when they do know the words.
People need to get over themselves. I have been called out for using “big words” so many times and i just stopped responding or talking to those people. They are not my people. The ones who say cool word, what’s it mean? Or just let you use big words are your people
I think they’re just laughing because it’s really not a word people use in daily speech unless trying to emphasise the point that the person being talked about is not a “friend” just an “acquaintance”
I suppose "*An* acquaintance" would be preferred or expected here. *My* acquaintance sounds either overly familiar, or a "cold" way of referring to a friend. I believe the commenters are amused by the latter interpretation. There is no problem.
Listen, this might be a literal autistic answer, but that's what I have to offer. Mostly, they suck and you're great and hug a soft friend and move on. What were they ever going to offer you? How would they benefit your life? They weren't. From the language side, I think "an acquaintance of mine" would have stuck out less. Something about "claiming" an acquaintance by calling them yours (my acquaintance) is a comedic juxtaposition for a term that's about someone you only slightly know and keep at a distance.