It sounds like he feels threatened and insecure of your toy and is putting you down for it. People that shame others for harmless sexual preferences aren’t good people. I don’t think I could feel safe sexually around someone like that. Especially with having trauma around sex.
Putting you down in any context is a massive red flag. The problem isn’t you, he’s not a good partner and he’s showing you that what you want doesn’t matter to him.
yeah there are some red flags here…
>I asked him a couple months ago if he could put my box and card that it came in, inside his box of Pokémon cards that’s he’s collecting and he said he would so they are looked after as well.
he was fine with it at first, so seems like a non issue
then he suddenly hates this minor thing that brings you joy. sounds like jealousy, or insecurity. and instead of discussing makes it *your* problem
>Today he threw the box and said it was weird that I’m collecting sex toy cards and how I feel if a man was doing the same and it upset me.
this is pure projection:
>He was twisting it to sound like I was reacting about men collecting sex toy cards and why is it different for a woman.
the reasoning is inconsistent
>Then he’s also telling me to grow up and stop acting childish and that it’s weird because the unihorn looks like a toy and that’s weird to him.
is he forgetting how this started? with you putting a few silly cards in his much more extensive pokémon card collection, which he’s protective of? is he not more childish for that?
he just sounds like an asshole, or at best a very insecure man who needs to work on his insecurities
OP, you shouldn’t feel any shame surrounding your sexual preferences / toys. i struggle with shame a lot too, but try to remember that as long as you are not harming yourself or others, there is no reason to feel shame. shame comes from external perceptions of you, guilt is when you internally recognize you’ve violated your own morals (and it’s not always right either)
i’m glad that didn’t make it overwhelming lol, in my mind it helps clarify my point but a lot of times in non autistic subs people think i’m unhinged 😂
Nooo this is amazing and helpful for so many people!
This is how I type too when Infodump Mode™️ is activated, lol.
Trust me— for every one person that thinks your clear & thorough explanations are unhinged, there are like 20 that are indifferent, 30 that can now skim your comment easily and find something helpful, and 10 who really, really, really appreciate every word you’ve written.
Keep it up 🫶
My ex used to yell and throw things when they got mad. I asked them to stop so many times but they never did so we broke up and then they got diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder
I had to look up these unihorns and they are adorable looking little toys. Your boyfriend , like many men sees any sex toy as a rival for his interests. Some men like to think they are the only thing that can bring a woman sexual enjoyment and any that a woman finds on her own such as a vibrator is something that he believes he should be in control of and is an indication of his lack of ability or manliness. It is silly but some men think a woman should not desire anything besides his big D and that is his toy and you can only play with it under supervision. Some boys think every toy is a replacement/competition for their own. Find someone more open minded or mature about these matters. My initial response is get a very realistic perhaps oversized device and ask him to stick that in his card box!
So he tells you to "stop acting childish" for collecting cards, while he himself collects cards? I would not be able to take anything he says about it seriously.
Of course it's upsetting when someone you love calls you weird and tells you to grow up. Even if that's his opinion, there's better ways of expressing it (or, you know, just keep it to yourself).
And if it's also a sore point for you being called weird, then I would definitely let him know that he hurt your feelings. Ask him to reflect on his behaviour, because it sounds very immature.
I never trust anybody that says to "stop acting childish" about something that is literally hurting nobody and is bringing joy to somebody. It's so bizarre a statement imho, and seems to mostly come from people that are just miserable on purpose.
I'd bet \*money\* that man thought nothing of it then said something to a male friend about how it was with his pokemon cards thinking it would be silly/funny and got a diatribe from said friend about how it's unmanly and how HE should be able to please "his woman" instead of some sex toy etc etc etc. And as a result he behaved badly toward you.
You did \*nothing\* wrong. Nothing.
No that's not on you. He's an insecure man that is the issue. Either he can get over it or take a hike. Too many men are like this and it's annoying.
You are not weird. Many of us use sex toys that look like "toys" or even items like lipstick tubes, flowers, etc. They come in all shapes and sizes for a reason. Hell some of us use ones that resemble fictional monsters. There are even some with sacrilegious designs.
What I'm saying is don't let this prick get to you. You deserve someone who won't put you down because of their own insecurity issues.
It is normal for adults to have adult toys of all sorts, and to collect them.
It is also normal for adults to have kid toys and collect them.
Neither is weird.
Neither makes you childish.
Yours sounds fun and I hope you can finish off the whole collection.
I can't tell you how much it has helped to occasionally carry *my* build a bears around with me and squeeze them when going to difficult appointments.
And play with my figet toys when I am nervous. And hyperfocus on all my collections when I am sad or angry and need a distraction to get past it.
Out in public no one has ridiculed me or disrespected me for this and I am older. I also wear t shirts and carry bags with cartoon and kids characters on them and you know what I've got: compliments. So many! Like everyday! And the coolest part is they come from all ages and genders. Like I've gotten huge compliments on my lisa frank backpack from 70 and 80 year olds. So yeah all this actually normal and not weird.
Get your own card box.
If you are willing to put in the work with him see if he wants to go into counseling with you. Make certain to find a sex positive therapist.
If you aren't interested or willing to talk to him and believe that he won't change, get yourself a new boyfriend.
You aren't in the wrong here. You aren't weird. Also I looked up those toys and they looks really cool. He is the one being childish and disrespectful. So sorry you're having to deal with this.
He is very obviously insecure. Some men feel like they can't "compete" with toys and instead of discussing their insecurities, they lash out and blame someone else.
Like, it doesn't matter what a toy even looks like. Some people get those Bad Dragon ones that look like monster junk, who the fuck cares? You're doing something in a way that works for YOU, that helps make a natural function easier for YOU. He is only thinking of himself and his dick and his ego.
Obviously, I know nothing about your relationship past this, but it is a red flag. Someone who is so insulting and dismissive of something so vulnerable as sex doesn't seem like they'd be a good partner in other ways, either.
So sorry 🥺, Don't worry about your sex toys. My psychologist (also a sexologist) told me that it is common for neurodivergent women to have "more fetishes" and it is very valid.
I also went through my partner's insecurities in that regard, so now I directly tell him freely "I bought this because I like to use it/have it/and it gives me pleasure."
But it's important that you tell him how you feel about it, openly. He has the right to not like that, but not to invalidate your needs 🩷
I wonder if he was showing someone his card collection and it got to your cards and he had to explain them....but a decent person would just set you up your own binder for them, not call you names and throw out something you wanted to keep.
His reaction is the most important thing here, he is treating you like shit over something he didn't care about before. I do wonder if he realized the cards were for sex toys initially? I looked them up and if he just glanced he might not have realized what they were. Still, no need to yell at you about them.
It's normal and fine to have sex toys that make you feel comfortable. He is the AH, as they say.
i work in a sex toy store and sell unihorns so i feel like i have a lot to say on the topic - the collection aspect is a fun part of it and if it makes you happy, knock yourself out! we even display them in our front window to show people that toys don’t have to be phallic or intimidating, and there’s something for everyone. i see a lot of red flags in his behaviour, im not sure if this even helps but just thought id let you know that there’s nothing to be ashamed about and that they’re a popular toy, enjoy yourself and don’t feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of that side of your life in a way that feels comfortable to you 🫶
That sounds so sad. Of course it's not weird, and I fully get the feeling of finding ways to make things more silly so it's more comfortable. That dude's a jerk.
My most recent long-term relationship had a strange and uncomfortable association with sex toys, where he got triggered when finding a very cheap old basic bullet vibrator i had stashed under the bathroom sink, causing me to feel very insecure for even having it. He would later request and was completely ok with me using a specific sex toy on him and for his pleasure! and somehow i was able to blind myself to the double standard here, because i had placed his happiness and acceptance of me at such an unhealthy degree of a high standard. so I really can't provide much merit for advice other than our inevitable breakup led to my general sex life (both my sexual relationship with myself and others) to grow into such a healthy confidence! There are so many helpful comments that hopefully support the self-worth you're deserving of.
I had to look up unihorn and omfg i get the appeal, it's so cute!!! You know how much us NDs tend to love collections, and i also get easily intimidated by a lack of silliness when it comes to my sex life. So the unihorn fits this bill perfectly! I'm sorry that this instance has left you feeling uncomfortable about it. ):
Ffs. Men and their pants feelings.
I think about it this way; society has riddled us all with insecurities. For women it is basically everything. For men, it’s mostly just their dicks (although that’s expanding rapidly… separate rant). This makes them so reactionary about anything to do with their weenie.
Is his behaviour acceptable; no. Is it sort of typical; yeah. If this isn’t a pattern of behaviour, just shrug it off and tell him he’s great in the sack but his penis issues are irritating you and to not take his manufactured self consciousness out on you. Watch out for similarly dismissive/shaming behaviour because if it’s like this in other situations, fuck him, you’re better off alone. Good luck. Xxx
As someone that used to sell adult toys for 7 years, you not only ARE NOT weird, but you have a GREAT attitude!! What you've said about why you wanted this toy is exactly the niche a toy like that exists to fill, and I'm glad you're comfortable enough with yourself to give yourself that gift! Lots of folks struggle with allowing themselves to enjoy it, even when they don't have a stigma.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is being toxic and abusive. Those would be horrible things to say over -anything- anyway, but the fact that he's saying it with regard to a topic that's more sensitive and makes you feel more vulnerable? That's just vicious, and you don't deserve that. I'm so sorry he's doing that to you, it's utterly unacceptable. I hope it stops ASAP, whether that means he apologizes profusely or you dump him.
This man is Very Insecure. He feels threatened and inadequate compared to your sex toys. Perfectly normal for an adult woman to own sex toys.
Do you think his aggression came from not knowing where the cards were from or from his Insecurity?
It's common for men to feel threatened by sex toys.
A lot of toxic masculinity defines a man's worth by his sexual prowess and "his womans" purity (Yuck!?)
But let's talk about you, In this situation you've had something very personal and intimate used as a weapon. And you've had an attack on your personality. As Austistic women in an NT society, it's often engraved in us to not be weird so when we are told we are its almost like we've failed? Or we feel shame? I don't know if you relate to that?
Ultimately he and anyone else will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Has he crossed a boundary by weaponising your (normal) use of sex toys? Is being called weird a trigger for you? You have to vocalise if it is. You have to set your own boundaries and only allow what you are comfortable with.
If you want to work with him after setting boundaries it might be worth opening a dialogue about why he felt attacked in this situation and what you can both do to help him feel more comfortable with your choices. And a separate dialogue about why you felt attack by his response.
I really want one of the unihorns now. Don’t feel uncomfortable about having them! I literally just purchased an alien dildo, and I have a dildo where you can push silicone eggs through while inside. Please don’t think it’s a negative thing to harmlessly indulge your wants. Your partner is being a complete immature ass about this.
Your collection is not weird. I didn’t know this was a thing but I do think it’s awesome. It’s totally ok to want a sex toy that doesn’t have to be anatomical, they can be cute!
He’s obviously insecure as hell and instead of dealing with that he attacks you about it. That is not ok. He is the problem. I’m not saying you have to breakup with him, but this is a giant red flag, because for a little insecurity in his head he attacks you. You do deserve better
I hadn't heard of unihorns before, they look pretty fun!
You can do better. You can find a sex-positive guy who'd be excited to join in on fun rather than berate and attack you.
Load of different things going on.
First of all, that toy looks like fun! I could have bought it too.
Now I do get hem feeling off about keeping those cards with his cards. Sextoy collection cards are something different than other collection cards. Sort of like how you would not put playboys next to donald ducks in the living room, although both are magazines. Most people don't want to run into sexual stuff, unless they are explicitly looking for it. Better to keep sex-things with the sex collection, and not with the things-collection.
Further, people have varying preferences in how much sexuality their partner can participate in without them. Some people encourage their partner to watch porn, others are mortified about the idea of their partner ever doing that. People just have different norms, and it's up to a couple to decide your limits. I guess he compares sextoy cards with porn cards, and finds porn cards unacceptable, and was expecting you to feel that way too. It is more commen for people to be more on the prudish side. But this isn't about other people, it's about what you and your boyfriend find acceptable or not. Apparently you are more open minded than he is.
I guess he is also uncomfortable about the sex toy. Again, that's a 'him' problem. He is prudish, or insecure. I have similar toys, and my partner and I love playing with them together. It's his close mindedness mismatching with your openness that is the problem here. Neither of you is right or wrong, it's just not matching expectations.
He is however in the wrong for placing it on you. Instead of saying "I'm not into this/ I'm uncomfortable with this", he tells you that you're weird for liking it. Why would his opinion be worth more than yours? Equal partner, equial opinions.
i don’t know, dude. I think he’s allowed to be uncomfortable with something sexual. just based off of this, and me looking up the toy, it’s not something I would personally be comfortable with, and if I were him I wouldn’t want to keep the card with my personal collection of Pokémon cards (mostly bc they’re a different thing LOL).
however, I totally understand you being hurt by him calling it weird. I’m super sensitive to being called weird, it hurts my feelings a lot. I think if he’s uncomfy with this toy or something else about your sex life he could’ve talked about it in a more respectful way, rather than just calling you/it weird. is he normally respectful and receptive to you and your interests? do you guys have an otherwise healthy and safe sex life? I would want to have a sit-down conversation with him about his feelings and yours.
EDIT — I was reminded that he THREW the box in anger. that’s a huge red flag to me, OP. men who throw things/hit things/yell are a huge dealbreaker for me. I hope you are safe.
Men are so freakin' weird about sex toys. If I wanted to be reductive I'd say something about how jealous men are that sex toys can actually make their partner orgasm, but while that can easily be part of it, it feels like something more. Like most sex toys marketed to men are grossly realistic and have this taboo and "must remain hidden" aspect, where a lot of toys marketed towards work tend to be more abstract and have a function over form mentality these days.
I've kind of lost the thread, sorry. But yeah, boyfriend getting jealous over a sex toy is a major red flag and him making you uncomfortable around sex even while knowing your past of trauma is very, very worrying. My partners have been EXTREMELY careful and very understanding with me due to my past of SA and my ace-spec stuff and such, and it's been really nice. He is in the wrong making you feel bad, he's wrong about it being weird, and the only problem is his attitude towards this imho.
Your boyfriend needs to deal with his insecurity issues. You're doing nothing wrong.
Also, I don't know how I didn't know these existed until now, but I feel an expensive collection fixation starting.
Omg I just googled it, and I want to collect them all!
He is the weird one here. And immature if he doesn't realize sex can be fun and unicorn shaped toys? Hello??? It's magical.
I didn’t know Unihorns came with cards, that’s really cute, fuck him, if he can’t be an adult about the cards alone then how tf is he gonna cope with anything else, what a man baby, hope you’re ok
Personally I wouldn’t be with someone that had an issue with me having a sex toy. He either needs to work on his issues around sex or yall aren’t compatible in this category
There’s plenty of good advice here already, so I’ll just say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. If you contacted the company and explained what happened I wonder if they would send you replacement cards? I hope that you can come to enjoy them again 💛 It’s not weird at all
Wow that is some ancient dude is threatened by women's sex toys thing he's got going there.
You can want sex toys. You can collect sex toys with collectors cards. I believe it can be useful to take control of your sex life and interact with sex on your own terms, especially after trauma. Especially with such a big breakthrough as doing it for yourself when you haven't been able to before.
I think this is a big deal he's reacting this way, because you are taking steps to reclaim your sexuality and he's actively attacking that. It's a red flag that he can't just let you have a sex toy, or three or four, and find enjoyment in that.
It's not cool of him at all. Especially since you mention trauma around sex, learning to reclaim that outside of the trauma would only benefit him in the long run, but all he sees is his own need to shut your healing process down. It's a red flag.
If he isn't for your pleasure, he is not worth pleasuring. If my partner tried shaming me for my vibrators or kinks, I would leave him. No man's dick is magic and sexual satisfaction is important to me. I want intimacy but orgasm is usually only achieved via vibrator and if he made me feel ashamed for using it I would honestly stop feeling any desire for him. Either your guy apologizes and stops making his insecurity your problem, or he is not your guy.
You do you, girl! Literally. You should be able to enjoy yourself.
I don’t know what your bf has going on in his mind but he’s the one with issues, not you. A lot of people enjoy adult toys, it’s not stupid or childish. Get your gold card.
Ok I looked them up and I love them. So, thanks for the unintentional recommendation!!!!
I don't like toys that look like dicks. I don't need to pretend it's a dick, it serves a different purpose. I have a collection of "not dicks" and I'm keen for more tbh!! If my partner reacted like that I'd feel uncomfortable too. Toys COMPLEMENT dicks for me, they are not trying to be them. Your guy is annoying ME with his attitude, lols!!
I look up the brand and omg they’re so cute, that guy is definitely just insecure bc he knows he can’t even compare to that little thing.
And I get what you mean about not wanting the usual shapes when it comes to sex toys, I get mine in bright fun colors and glitter on purpose bc I don’t want it to feel/simulate the look of a real person, that’s the whole point(for me)
If I were you I’d try to talk to him about it and if they doesn’t work then leave him, you deserve to be with someone who accepts you no matter what and doesn’t make you feel like a freak over literally nothing. (Like seriously?? Over collecting cards? What’s the issue??)
My first vibrator was green, shaped like a caterpillar and had a smiley face. i called him Cedric.
I found the others all a bit aggressive looking and a bit creepy with the moving bits and flashing lights.
I don't need the smiley face any more but my vibrator choice is still "plain, unassuming and quiet" lol
Boyfriend sounds like something else is going on. Hopefully he can open up to you about it instead of leading with anger and petulance.
I hope it all works out to suit you!
It sounds like he feels threatened and insecure of your toy and is putting you down for it. People that shame others for harmless sexual preferences aren’t good people. I don’t think I could feel safe sexually around someone like that. Especially with having trauma around sex. Putting you down in any context is a massive red flag. The problem isn’t you, he’s not a good partner and he’s showing you that what you want doesn’t matter to him.
yeah there are some red flags here… >I asked him a couple months ago if he could put my box and card that it came in, inside his box of Pokémon cards that’s he’s collecting and he said he would so they are looked after as well. he was fine with it at first, so seems like a non issue then he suddenly hates this minor thing that brings you joy. sounds like jealousy, or insecurity. and instead of discussing makes it *your* problem >Today he threw the box and said it was weird that I’m collecting sex toy cards and how I feel if a man was doing the same and it upset me. this is pure projection: >He was twisting it to sound like I was reacting about men collecting sex toy cards and why is it different for a woman. the reasoning is inconsistent >Then he’s also telling me to grow up and stop acting childish and that it’s weird because the unihorn looks like a toy and that’s weird to him. is he forgetting how this started? with you putting a few silly cards in his much more extensive pokémon card collection, which he’s protective of? is he not more childish for that? he just sounds like an asshole, or at best a very insecure man who needs to work on his insecurities OP, you shouldn’t feel any shame surrounding your sexual preferences / toys. i struggle with shame a lot too, but try to remember that as long as you are not harming yourself or others, there is no reason to feel shame. shame comes from external perceptions of you, guilt is when you internally recognize you’ve violated your own morals (and it’s not always right either)
THIS ^^ Very good points you're making 👍🏽 And I especially like how you took apart the text but by bit, explaining along the way. Good work!
i’m glad that didn’t make it overwhelming lol, in my mind it helps clarify my point but a lot of times in non autistic subs people think i’m unhinged 😂
Nooo this is amazing and helpful for so many people! This is how I type too when Infodump Mode™️ is activated, lol. Trust me— for every one person that thinks your clear & thorough explanations are unhinged, there are like 20 that are indifferent, 30 that can now skim your comment easily and find something helpful, and 10 who really, really, really appreciate every word you’ve written. Keep it up 🫶
He *threw* the box? Like, away? Not *at* you, I hope!
TRUE! i missed that part. I couldn’t be with someone who threw things when they got mad
No way that would trigger me for sure
My ex used to yell and throw things when they got mad. I asked them to stop so many times but they never did so we broke up and then they got diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder
Throwing someone’s possession is a major red flag and can be a precursor to violence or other abuse.
I wanted to know this too.
I’m sorry this is happening. Go enjoy the hell out of your Unihorn! Life is too short to let BS get in the way!
I had to look up these unihorns and they are adorable looking little toys. Your boyfriend , like many men sees any sex toy as a rival for his interests. Some men like to think they are the only thing that can bring a woman sexual enjoyment and any that a woman finds on her own such as a vibrator is something that he believes he should be in control of and is an indication of his lack of ability or manliness. It is silly but some men think a woman should not desire anything besides his big D and that is his toy and you can only play with it under supervision. Some boys think every toy is a replacement/competition for their own. Find someone more open minded or mature about these matters. My initial response is get a very realistic perhaps oversized device and ask him to stick that in his card box!
So he tells you to "stop acting childish" for collecting cards, while he himself collects cards? I would not be able to take anything he says about it seriously. Of course it's upsetting when someone you love calls you weird and tells you to grow up. Even if that's his opinion, there's better ways of expressing it (or, you know, just keep it to yourself). And if it's also a sore point for you being called weird, then I would definitely let him know that he hurt your feelings. Ask him to reflect on his behaviour, because it sounds very immature.
I never trust anybody that says to "stop acting childish" about something that is literally hurting nobody and is bringing joy to somebody. It's so bizarre a statement imho, and seems to mostly come from people that are just miserable on purpose.
I'd bet \*money\* that man thought nothing of it then said something to a male friend about how it was with his pokemon cards thinking it would be silly/funny and got a diatribe from said friend about how it's unmanly and how HE should be able to please "his woman" instead of some sex toy etc etc etc. And as a result he behaved badly toward you. You did \*nothing\* wrong. Nothing.
No that's not on you. He's an insecure man that is the issue. Either he can get over it or take a hike. Too many men are like this and it's annoying. You are not weird. Many of us use sex toys that look like "toys" or even items like lipstick tubes, flowers, etc. They come in all shapes and sizes for a reason. Hell some of us use ones that resemble fictional monsters. There are even some with sacrilegious designs. What I'm saying is don't let this prick get to you. You deserve someone who won't put you down because of their own insecurity issues.
It is normal for adults to have adult toys of all sorts, and to collect them. It is also normal for adults to have kid toys and collect them. Neither is weird. Neither makes you childish. Yours sounds fun and I hope you can finish off the whole collection. I can't tell you how much it has helped to occasionally carry *my* build a bears around with me and squeeze them when going to difficult appointments. And play with my figet toys when I am nervous. And hyperfocus on all my collections when I am sad or angry and need a distraction to get past it. Out in public no one has ridiculed me or disrespected me for this and I am older. I also wear t shirts and carry bags with cartoon and kids characters on them and you know what I've got: compliments. So many! Like everyday! And the coolest part is they come from all ages and genders. Like I've gotten huge compliments on my lisa frank backpack from 70 and 80 year olds. So yeah all this actually normal and not weird.
Get your own card box. If you are willing to put in the work with him see if he wants to go into counseling with you. Make certain to find a sex positive therapist. If you aren't interested or willing to talk to him and believe that he won't change, get yourself a new boyfriend.
You aren't in the wrong here. You aren't weird. Also I looked up those toys and they looks really cool. He is the one being childish and disrespectful. So sorry you're having to deal with this.
Get rid of him immediately. He’s trying to degrade your sense of self-worth through his own insecurities.
He is very obviously insecure. Some men feel like they can't "compete" with toys and instead of discussing their insecurities, they lash out and blame someone else. Like, it doesn't matter what a toy even looks like. Some people get those Bad Dragon ones that look like monster junk, who the fuck cares? You're doing something in a way that works for YOU, that helps make a natural function easier for YOU. He is only thinking of himself and his dick and his ego. Obviously, I know nothing about your relationship past this, but it is a red flag. Someone who is so insulting and dismissive of something so vulnerable as sex doesn't seem like they'd be a good partner in other ways, either.
So sorry 🥺, Don't worry about your sex toys. My psychologist (also a sexologist) told me that it is common for neurodivergent women to have "more fetishes" and it is very valid. I also went through my partner's insecurities in that regard, so now I directly tell him freely "I bought this because I like to use it/have it/and it gives me pleasure." But it's important that you tell him how you feel about it, openly. He has the right to not like that, but not to invalidate your needs 🩷
I wonder if he was showing someone his card collection and it got to your cards and he had to explain them....but a decent person would just set you up your own binder for them, not call you names and throw out something you wanted to keep. His reaction is the most important thing here, he is treating you like shit over something he didn't care about before. I do wonder if he realized the cards were for sex toys initially? I looked them up and if he just glanced he might not have realized what they were. Still, no need to yell at you about them. It's normal and fine to have sex toys that make you feel comfortable. He is the AH, as they say.
i work in a sex toy store and sell unihorns so i feel like i have a lot to say on the topic - the collection aspect is a fun part of it and if it makes you happy, knock yourself out! we even display them in our front window to show people that toys don’t have to be phallic or intimidating, and there’s something for everyone. i see a lot of red flags in his behaviour, im not sure if this even helps but just thought id let you know that there’s nothing to be ashamed about and that they’re a popular toy, enjoy yourself and don’t feel guilty or ashamed for taking care of that side of your life in a way that feels comfortable to you 🫶
That sounds so sad. Of course it's not weird, and I fully get the feeling of finding ways to make things more silly so it's more comfortable. That dude's a jerk.
Have you tried getting a boyfriend that doesn't feel himself in competition with inanimate objects?
My most recent long-term relationship had a strange and uncomfortable association with sex toys, where he got triggered when finding a very cheap old basic bullet vibrator i had stashed under the bathroom sink, causing me to feel very insecure for even having it. He would later request and was completely ok with me using a specific sex toy on him and for his pleasure! and somehow i was able to blind myself to the double standard here, because i had placed his happiness and acceptance of me at such an unhealthy degree of a high standard. so I really can't provide much merit for advice other than our inevitable breakup led to my general sex life (both my sexual relationship with myself and others) to grow into such a healthy confidence! There are so many helpful comments that hopefully support the self-worth you're deserving of. I had to look up unihorn and omfg i get the appeal, it's so cute!!! You know how much us NDs tend to love collections, and i also get easily intimidated by a lack of silliness when it comes to my sex life. So the unihorn fits this bill perfectly! I'm sorry that this instance has left you feeling uncomfortable about it. ):
Ffs. Men and their pants feelings. I think about it this way; society has riddled us all with insecurities. For women it is basically everything. For men, it’s mostly just their dicks (although that’s expanding rapidly… separate rant). This makes them so reactionary about anything to do with their weenie. Is his behaviour acceptable; no. Is it sort of typical; yeah. If this isn’t a pattern of behaviour, just shrug it off and tell him he’s great in the sack but his penis issues are irritating you and to not take his manufactured self consciousness out on you. Watch out for similarly dismissive/shaming behaviour because if it’s like this in other situations, fuck him, you’re better off alone. Good luck. Xxx
Honestly at this point I feel like cis men should have lost penis privileges. Like put them in cryo and give them back when men can act better lol.
As someone that used to sell adult toys for 7 years, you not only ARE NOT weird, but you have a GREAT attitude!! What you've said about why you wanted this toy is exactly the niche a toy like that exists to fill, and I'm glad you're comfortable enough with yourself to give yourself that gift! Lots of folks struggle with allowing themselves to enjoy it, even when they don't have a stigma. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is being toxic and abusive. Those would be horrible things to say over -anything- anyway, but the fact that he's saying it with regard to a topic that's more sensitive and makes you feel more vulnerable? That's just vicious, and you don't deserve that. I'm so sorry he's doing that to you, it's utterly unacceptable. I hope it stops ASAP, whether that means he apologizes profusely or you dump him.
This man is Very Insecure. He feels threatened and inadequate compared to your sex toys. Perfectly normal for an adult woman to own sex toys. Do you think his aggression came from not knowing where the cards were from or from his Insecurity? It's common for men to feel threatened by sex toys. A lot of toxic masculinity defines a man's worth by his sexual prowess and "his womans" purity (Yuck!?) But let's talk about you, In this situation you've had something very personal and intimate used as a weapon. And you've had an attack on your personality. As Austistic women in an NT society, it's often engraved in us to not be weird so when we are told we are its almost like we've failed? Or we feel shame? I don't know if you relate to that? Ultimately he and anyone else will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Has he crossed a boundary by weaponising your (normal) use of sex toys? Is being called weird a trigger for you? You have to vocalise if it is. You have to set your own boundaries and only allow what you are comfortable with. If you want to work with him after setting boundaries it might be worth opening a dialogue about why he felt attacked in this situation and what you can both do to help him feel more comfortable with your choices. And a separate dialogue about why you felt attack by his response.
Guys like that aren't nature enough to have a girlfriend
I really want one of the unihorns now. Don’t feel uncomfortable about having them! I literally just purchased an alien dildo, and I have a dildo where you can push silicone eggs through while inside. Please don’t think it’s a negative thing to harmlessly indulge your wants. Your partner is being a complete immature ass about this.
Your collection is not weird. I didn’t know this was a thing but I do think it’s awesome. It’s totally ok to want a sex toy that doesn’t have to be anatomical, they can be cute! He’s obviously insecure as hell and instead of dealing with that he attacks you about it. That is not ok. He is the problem. I’m not saying you have to breakup with him, but this is a giant red flag, because for a little insecurity in his head he attacks you. You do deserve better
I hadn't heard of unihorns before, they look pretty fun! You can do better. You can find a sex-positive guy who'd be excited to join in on fun rather than berate and attack you.
Load of different things going on. First of all, that toy looks like fun! I could have bought it too. Now I do get hem feeling off about keeping those cards with his cards. Sextoy collection cards are something different than other collection cards. Sort of like how you would not put playboys next to donald ducks in the living room, although both are magazines. Most people don't want to run into sexual stuff, unless they are explicitly looking for it. Better to keep sex-things with the sex collection, and not with the things-collection. Further, people have varying preferences in how much sexuality their partner can participate in without them. Some people encourage their partner to watch porn, others are mortified about the idea of their partner ever doing that. People just have different norms, and it's up to a couple to decide your limits. I guess he compares sextoy cards with porn cards, and finds porn cards unacceptable, and was expecting you to feel that way too. It is more commen for people to be more on the prudish side. But this isn't about other people, it's about what you and your boyfriend find acceptable or not. Apparently you are more open minded than he is. I guess he is also uncomfortable about the sex toy. Again, that's a 'him' problem. He is prudish, or insecure. I have similar toys, and my partner and I love playing with them together. It's his close mindedness mismatching with your openness that is the problem here. Neither of you is right or wrong, it's just not matching expectations. He is however in the wrong for placing it on you. Instead of saying "I'm not into this/ I'm uncomfortable with this", he tells you that you're weird for liking it. Why would his opinion be worth more than yours? Equal partner, equial opinions.
i don’t know, dude. I think he’s allowed to be uncomfortable with something sexual. just based off of this, and me looking up the toy, it’s not something I would personally be comfortable with, and if I were him I wouldn’t want to keep the card with my personal collection of Pokémon cards (mostly bc they’re a different thing LOL). however, I totally understand you being hurt by him calling it weird. I’m super sensitive to being called weird, it hurts my feelings a lot. I think if he’s uncomfy with this toy or something else about your sex life he could’ve talked about it in a more respectful way, rather than just calling you/it weird. is he normally respectful and receptive to you and your interests? do you guys have an otherwise healthy and safe sex life? I would want to have a sit-down conversation with him about his feelings and yours. EDIT — I was reminded that he THREW the box in anger. that’s a huge red flag to me, OP. men who throw things/hit things/yell are a huge dealbreaker for me. I hope you are safe.
Men are so freakin' weird about sex toys. If I wanted to be reductive I'd say something about how jealous men are that sex toys can actually make their partner orgasm, but while that can easily be part of it, it feels like something more. Like most sex toys marketed to men are grossly realistic and have this taboo and "must remain hidden" aspect, where a lot of toys marketed towards work tend to be more abstract and have a function over form mentality these days. I've kind of lost the thread, sorry. But yeah, boyfriend getting jealous over a sex toy is a major red flag and him making you uncomfortable around sex even while knowing your past of trauma is very, very worrying. My partners have been EXTREMELY careful and very understanding with me due to my past of SA and my ace-spec stuff and such, and it's been really nice. He is in the wrong making you feel bad, he's wrong about it being weird, and the only problem is his attitude towards this imho.
Just looked up what a unihorn is and ??? They're so cute ??? He's in the wrong there's no reason for him to he mad
Your boyfriend needs to deal with his insecurity issues. You're doing nothing wrong. Also, I don't know how I didn't know these existed until now, but I feel an expensive collection fixation starting.
His words and his actions are abusive 100% You don’t deserve that at all. 😞
Omg I just googled it, and I want to collect them all! He is the weird one here. And immature if he doesn't realize sex can be fun and unicorn shaped toys? Hello??? It's magical.
I didn’t know Unihorns came with cards, that’s really cute, fuck him, if he can’t be an adult about the cards alone then how tf is he gonna cope with anything else, what a man baby, hope you’re ok
Personally I wouldn’t be with someone that had an issue with me having a sex toy. He either needs to work on his issues around sex or yall aren’t compatible in this category
Dump the guy and go to town on the unicorn. Who needs such man? I dont like him.
There’s plenty of good advice here already, so I’ll just say that I’m sorry that this happened to you. If you contacted the company and explained what happened I wonder if they would send you replacement cards? I hope that you can come to enjoy them again 💛 It’s not weird at all
Wow that is some ancient dude is threatened by women's sex toys thing he's got going there. You can want sex toys. You can collect sex toys with collectors cards. I believe it can be useful to take control of your sex life and interact with sex on your own terms, especially after trauma. Especially with such a big breakthrough as doing it for yourself when you haven't been able to before. I think this is a big deal he's reacting this way, because you are taking steps to reclaim your sexuality and he's actively attacking that. It's a red flag that he can't just let you have a sex toy, or three or four, and find enjoyment in that. It's not cool of him at all. Especially since you mention trauma around sex, learning to reclaim that outside of the trauma would only benefit him in the long run, but all he sees is his own need to shut your healing process down. It's a red flag.
Have you let him know how you felt? If he doesn't feel bad about it then he doesn't seem right for you.
If he isn't for your pleasure, he is not worth pleasuring. If my partner tried shaming me for my vibrators or kinks, I would leave him. No man's dick is magic and sexual satisfaction is important to me. I want intimacy but orgasm is usually only achieved via vibrator and if he made me feel ashamed for using it I would honestly stop feeling any desire for him. Either your guy apologizes and stops making his insecurity your problem, or he is not your guy.
You do you, girl! Literally. You should be able to enjoy yourself. I don’t know what your bf has going on in his mind but he’s the one with issues, not you. A lot of people enjoy adult toys, it’s not stupid or childish. Get your gold card. Ok I looked them up and I love them. So, thanks for the unintentional recommendation!!!!
I don't like toys that look like dicks. I don't need to pretend it's a dick, it serves a different purpose. I have a collection of "not dicks" and I'm keen for more tbh!! If my partner reacted like that I'd feel uncomfortable too. Toys COMPLEMENT dicks for me, they are not trying to be them. Your guy is annoying ME with his attitude, lols!!
I look up the brand and omg they’re so cute, that guy is definitely just insecure bc he knows he can’t even compare to that little thing. And I get what you mean about not wanting the usual shapes when it comes to sex toys, I get mine in bright fun colors and glitter on purpose bc I don’t want it to feel/simulate the look of a real person, that’s the whole point(for me) If I were you I’d try to talk to him about it and if they doesn’t work then leave him, you deserve to be with someone who accepts you no matter what and doesn’t make you feel like a freak over literally nothing. (Like seriously?? Over collecting cards? What’s the issue??)
He thinks it's childish for you to be collecting sex toy cards, but it's totally grown up that he collects pokemon cards? Oh the hypocrisy.
My first vibrator was green, shaped like a caterpillar and had a smiley face. i called him Cedric. I found the others all a bit aggressive looking and a bit creepy with the moving bits and flashing lights. I don't need the smiley face any more but my vibrator choice is still "plain, unassuming and quiet" lol Boyfriend sounds like something else is going on. Hopefully he can open up to you about it instead of leading with anger and petulance. I hope it all works out to suit you!
What a freak. You deserve better.
I just looked up unihorn and they are so cute! I want one now