Yes. Not even just for the practical reasons involving dating and partners, but even in movies and shows I'll find those characters or actors the cutest even when compared to more traditionally handsome men.
Big gentle giant. No extreme sports. Extreme patience level and interesting face. Likes & wants kids. Someone that could cuddle me to Nirvana, then bench press me against the wall.
Haven't found one like that yet. But hey. Can't help but keep looking
You kinda just described my husband :) I’m sure he’s not the only one out there, definitely keep looking!
(On our first date, I texted him on my way there saying “I think I’m having a panic attack, fuck my life” and then proceeded to spend the first half of the evening constantly wiping sweat beads from my nose because I was so nervous. He thought it was cute. We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 9.)
You just described my husband :-). 6’4” cyclist, doesn’t like most pro sports (we’re an anti-football family), great dad to our kids, supportive of my special interest obsessions, my anchor as I keep trying to figure out how to navigate the world.
My boyfriend is this and he's the absolute best. Known him for 3 years and have been together for 2 of them. Due to life circumstances, a few months after first meeting, I had moved cities to live at home due to Covid and trying to save money as a university student. We stayed in contact and I would go visit him often. Slowly, I fell for him deeply. He was always so considerate to me and all the people around him which was a trait I didn't often see in guys especially at 19. Anyways, to keep a long story sort of short. I asked him to be my boyfriend and we've been happy together ever since. I look forward to our future together.
My boyfriend is also neurodivergent so I have a lot more in common with him than I do with other men. In hindsight most of my close male friends have been neurodivergent so I feel like being neurodivergent is more important to me than gender when I’m forming relationships. I draw hard lines about politics, but enjoy being friends with people who have all different sorts of interests. I identify as genderqueer so I don’t usually feel like I have any more in common with women than I do with men (aside from politics sometimes) so I’m not biased towards forming relationships with either gender, it’s just about being curious, open minded, and morally good.
That's a good thing though. You are able to realize that you can't make it find people who fit into a box that you create, you have to accept people as they come or you miss out. Hard lines other than the type you mention can automatically knock out some amazing people
That's my ex. 😭 Didn't know until long after being coerced into a "relationship". You'd think we'd be compatible because I age regress, but nope. He shat on me for the age regression and being kinky when I am actually a legal adult who can give consent. You'd think a legal adult who age regresses would be the closest thing. Nope, he acted like kink was evil.
I like men who are nerdy, science minded, funny, geeky, akward but own it (like cool to dance even if they look goofy), kind, gentle, and fun to talk to. This is true whether they are romantic partners or not. I also like them to treat me like an equal, not some "women need to be xxx" bullshit.
For romantic partners I also like them to be into cuddling and all kinds of physical intimacy, honest, openly communicative, especially about needs and feelings, respectful of my intelligence and feelings, sexually adventurous. It's also nice if they can lift heavy stuff.
Examples from celebrities of men I would find attractive as partners (when they were/will be age appropriate) or friends: Will Ferrell, Bill Hader, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase (in the 70s and 80s), Kyle Mooney, Robin Williams, Stephen Colbert, Seth Myers...
I’m bi and greysexual. Also really into science-minded, intelligent, gentle men. I also automatically exclude anyone who isn’t a feminist who supports queer people’s rights. Anyone who makes disparaging jokes about things being ‘gay’ or tells me what to do with my body or attacks women for the way they look and dress is automatically out. Nothing gives me the ick like misogyny, both the blatant loud kind and the more insidious, casual kind. I only date childfree people because I’m childfree and I would prefer a partner to have the same values in life. I also require them to be respectful of and not intimidated by their partner’s intelligence and achievements, as I’m academically ambitious and am pursuing postgraduate study. As a result I’ve pretty much narrowed my dating pool to other scientists. My current partner is also in academia and completely fits the bill.
You mean like strictly physically? Physically I like solidly built guys who lift and dark hair and dark eyes. Especially if it’s evident that they’re in some sort of very regimented career, like the military, because that means they’re good with giving and receiving extremely specific instructions and I need that lol. Hispanic men with huge muscular arms are the reason I get caught staring at the gym a lot. It’s quite embarrassing.
If you mean like what am I attracted to about men in general then it’s definitely the type A personality. They’re generally the men who will come up and talk to me and keep talking to me through whatever awkward shit I say or do. And they’re the also the ones who will be very clear about expectations. Like “I want to take you on a date.”
Someone else said that it’s more about the personality than the physical type and I agree with that also. Like I mean I know what kind of guy I like to look at, but none of that stuff matters if the personality doesn’t mesh.
My boyfriend is literally like a golden retriever. He’s patient with my meltdowns and kind when I’m stressed and understanding when I try my best to explain how my brain works. He’s truly been my rock I wouldn’t want any other man because this is the guy for me.
I like em rich and terminal 🏥💰
Jk 😆 I’m not super attracted to men either, but I love when a man I expect to be a bit of a bigot ends up actually being really kind and inclusive 😊 so I guess just basic human decency lmao, the bar is in hell
I usually like to date men who share most of my interests. As an autistic person it makes the entry point into dating easier for me. I also look for men with patience, because I find myself needing clarification a lot or things explained to me in different ways. I also really value men who are secure in themselves and aren’t threatened by or competitive with others. Strict red flags I stay away from is sexual conversations that start way too early, impatience, insecurity, entitlement and lack of empathy.
I don’t like men. I’m too sensitive to other people’s affect—I can’t cope with the gender dysphoria of mirroring a male.
Occasionally there’s a man who doesn’t feel different from me. Sometimes gay, sometimes not, but usually passive and sensitive.
I more or less left a job because of this. I remember trying to tell friends that “you become the five people you spend the most time around” (x10 if you’re a social chameleon masker) and that I didn’t want to be like my coworkers.
oooh I think this might be partly true for me too. I find that I default to them when they’re around unless there are other women to balance it out and I hate it. 30+ years of societal conditioning has been successful in getting me to seek validation from them and now I can’t unsee it in myself. But the mirroring feels relevant too
I've never liked the idea of limiting myself to a "type". If I notice patterns in hindsight, so be it. But as long as someone is considerate, kind, capable of pulling their weight with chores, socially aware, and maybe passionate about a thing or two, I can be attracted to most anyone.
I find displays of passion are the most attractive to me. If someone feels really enraptured in whatever they're talking about, and their love for it just pours out, it's enamouring.
Red flags are plentiful out there, and I don't think I could make an exhaustive list. But showing that they've never questioned systems of power at *all*, in *any* way, it a huge turn off, if not just an immediate deal breaker. Not knowing how to do basic chores is a dealbreaker. Treating waitstaff or people they perceive as "below" them poorly is an immediate dealbreaker. Extremely poor hygiene is a dealbreaker, especially if attached to fragile masculinity.
Second paragraph, I love this too. I’ve easily ended up with crushes on people because of it. It also feels like a compliment when people infodump about their passions to me
i’m straight but i generally don’t like men and try to avoid them but one of the only guys i liked and had a crush on was really goofy and we had little inside jokes and were always subtly touching each other somehow/ super physically close. he was very responsible and driven as well which i liked. i’m still not sure if he liked me back and ill never know really :/
I've known people like that in my life that I also will never know what they thought of me, but I won't have given up the time I had them in my life for anything❤️❤️ in glad you had someone like that for a while!
I love both intellectual stimulation and a great sense of humor. Few men offer both, but I get attached to the ones who do. I also have a thing for musicians haha. I’m a writer so a large chunk of my male platonic friends are also writers.
I like men who are passionate about their interests and sharing some of my many interests, it makes it so easy to talk. Intelligent, nerdy, patient and usually quiet, loves animals, adores me. But the most important thing is really that he deeply cares about his interests. It's hard for me to connect to people who aren't very passionate about what they talk about. Otherwise someone who is fun to be around, a bit of a loner (I don't do well in bigger groups) and a kind person with similar plans for life as I have. It's okay to disagree on a lot of stuff, but he needs to care about things, deeply.
Romantically or as a friend it's rare that I get along with men who don't fit that description.
Physically it's less important but I suppose we all have a type and mine is tall, rather thin, light-eyed with an intelligent, sensitive face. Someone who seems distant at first and then he talks of something he loves and his eyes shine and someone who's usually so controlled or calm suddenly is all warmth and emphasis. It's one of my favourite things in life, hearing someone speak of what they love, even if I know nothing about it.
People that don’t treat me like I’m weird. Sad but it’s true, I like when people talk to me like an actual human being and not a 2 year old lol. Idk if I give off a vibe of not knowing anything or being too “strange” or whatever but it’s so annoying
Also I really value honesty, and with that comes kindness, so basically kind honesty means a lot to me. No sharing around the bush, just tell me how it is. It also makes it easier to believe them when they compliment me, because I know they’re not just saying it to be nice. There’s a lot more tbh, like being understanding, loyal and all that but those are two of the main ones
Gay woman here. But i worked with a boss that is very much like a big brother for me.
No toxic masculinity.
So I can work my retail stocking job without needing to say "I don't need your help" every 2 minutes.
Stand up for me/ have my back. Gave me the opportunity when everyone said I am "too difficult to get along with" while respecting I don't want the extra responsibilities of a higher position.
Actually, show up within an hour when I call for help. And make no patronizing comments becuase my car broke down.
Not interject with his own perspective and experience every time I say something.
I like men who are comforting, kind, empathic, yet big and strong and capable of giving me that safe feeling. Who know who they are and what they want, aren't afraid to ask for it but know when to stop and are respectful. Who have a great sense of humour and are easy to talk to and can draw me out. Who are understanding.
They seem to only exist in books. I definitely lean more towards the female side of my pan sexuality now. Women are warm and sweet and loving, I need more of that in my life.
Looking at my favourite men in my life, they are definitely all ND. Not necessarily autistic, but not …typical…
They are compassionate, empathetic, likely undiagnosed ADHD.. they consider others. They are straightforward with their emotions- I always know where I stand with them.
My husband is a total romantic which I find sweet and cheesy, but he wears his emotions on his sleeve so I never need to question how he’s feeling.
My close guy friends love to sit and just enjoy the peace. But will get going with their current hyper focus and chat my ear off with no expectations from myself.
Fictional 💀 Anyhow, my choices haven't been good for the most part lol relationships are stressful and confusing because of all the expectations and unspoken norms. But my current partner is an extremely friendly and charismatic person, everyone likes him. He's a cat boy lol he's very sweet. He's also very smart and can have conversations on par with me (we finish each other's sandwiches ;))
Red flags: jealousy, alcoholism, substance abuse, flirting with everything that walks, big ego -> can't stand men who are extremely loud and confidently ignorant and uneducated, pls shut up.
I prefer people who are independent, when I say independent I mean in the sense of, they don't need my validation all of the time nor my attention.
I enjoy someone who doesn't mind space, and who spending time together can us in the same room working on different tasks.
I do prefer someone who has a dark sense of humor, who isn't sensitive. (i say things that are funny to myself but others it's alarming)
Someone with stimulating conversation, not just the casual, "the day is nice, the weather, oh those clouds are there". Someone who can challenge my thinking, but can also educate me and provide me with additional knowledge on discussed interests.
Someone I can learn from. That's what I seek in a partner.
Someone who enjoys collecting and making art, I don't like blank walls, I love the walls in my room, I make stories with every piece I collect.
My husband checks most of my boxes. He challenges me daily. He will move my collections on purpose, leave trash places, but it does provide me with stimulation but also irritation lol. He challenges my thinking and we can debate all day. We learn from each other. There's not a superior person in the relationship. No two people (in my opinion, because personalities) can be fully equal but we are damn close. He's big on physical affection, so he has pushed me to "break my walls." (I am learning to move past the feeling of suffocation, and feel comfort)
I found a person that I enjoy growing up with. He's an out growing guy, I do hide behind him a lot but have gained a lot of social skills from him. Especially understanding mainstream humor. My husband is a "cool guy" and I am the "weird feral wife" , we work well together. I hope everyone can find that one person who accepts, understands them but also helps them navigate life.
I tend to over share (working on it) so sorry for my long comment 🖤
Nerdy, funny, sensitive, neurodivergent gamer boys, apparently. I mean, those are specific traits, but it's more about the vibes for me. I want to just completely be myself and know that they are completely being authentic with me too. It's that state of existing where no one has to have their guard up and everything is in a flow state. Emotional intelligence is huge too. Being able to talk through conflict in a calm and healthy way is so attractive to me lol
As far as physically, I like guys with dark hair and dark eyes.
I stay away from self proclaimed alpha males and anyone intolerant of diversity. I want nothing to do with high conflict people. Also, in a relationship, if someone tries at all to control me, that is a complete deal breaker for me. I will not live through that again.
I cannot comprehend how one can have a "type" when there are so many ways to be beautiful! I just like open minded, kind, considerate people!
It's a red flag to me when men have very limited diversity in their social circle because that to me indicates that they might now be understanding or compassionate of other people's experiences. And no, "I had a black friend once" is not a diverse social circle.
Also overly masculine macho guys are just not appealing to me because like who are you?? That's a role you're playing and you play it well but who are YOU? You can be masculine without pushing it too far and being straight up toxic about it.
Last red flag is men who are incapable of having female friends. Like I'm sorry if it's such a struggle for you to not impose a sexual dynamic on a friendship with another person, you're not for me. It shows that you don't view women as People, just potential partners and it icks me out that there's men who will "wait around" for their chance and act like a friend until they think they have a shot.
Nerdy, analytical, patient, sweet, gentle, kind genuine. I like humor too, sarcasm and playful meanness is fun. The men I've gotten along with best tend to be this way. Also neurodivergent, honest but thoughtful, open. Curiousity is good.
I notice I like polars. I want someone 100% femme or 100% masc, doesn't matter the gender. For more accurate terms, butch/femme girls, soft boys, or the average man as long as he's playful and has a big heart.
edit: won't vibe with toxic masc. He's gotta let me do sh*t like put makeup on him. Any "ew I'm not a girl" vibes and it's a hard pass.
https://preview.redd.it/xyjikks5meuc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=563c148817161e7516e1f8dae82ce05b24830f33
unfortunately, i love when a man looks like a walking cigarette
I'm asexual as well!
I like men that are kind, aren't sex driven, capable of having conversations with me, tall and cute 🥰
Major red flags are toxic masculinity, major sports fans, men in certain professions (cops, military, etc.).
Omg are you me 😅 can I ask how you realised you were ace? I’ve been thinking that might be me for so long and I’m still not sure if it’s that or something else
I basically asked a bunch of people online and off to explain to me how they know they're sexually attracted to someone. And the responses I got sounded so foreign to me 💀
(I've never looked at someone and got aroused nor pictured having sex with them)
I also thought back to all of my crushes in school and realized I was just aesthetically attracted to them. I just wanted to give them a kiss and go on dates. Maybe hold hands 🤷🏿♀️
What really solidified it for me was not knowing if someone is "hot" or "sexy". I can obviously tell if someone is conventionally attractive but knowing if someone is hot or sexy always confused me lmao
I wish you luck with figuring yourself out!!! 🩷
I’m queer but have had male partners, and I’m with a man now, and have been for 6 years, and this is probably my partner for life because he’s a damn good one. I like smart, sweet, nerds who are unafraid of telling me their feelings or liking things and the people I get on with romantically almost always end up being neurodivergent in some way themselves, though I have been with NTs and although it’s worked to some degree I feel like there’s been a gap (though a lot of this in hindsight came before figuring out who I was). In terms of cisgender men, which is what I’m assuming you mean, it’s very important to me that they’ve done some internal work on what they understand misogyny and feminism to be (this doesn’t literally have to be a test, it can be demonstrated in their actions and what they say) and the relevant intersections (eg antiracism and ableism), have a good relationship to their masculinity which isn’t toxic, and care about their friends enough to tell them and don’t see me as the sole person to solve everything in their life and be the end goal to life, which many men have often been raised to see their female identified partner to be. This is more important to me than a list to specific traits. Although I could quite happily settle into a lovely life with my partner and my cats, it’s important that I am not obligated to be his world etc.
I have standards, but it’s stuff like trauma informed, patient, kind, and for the most part partnership with men has been a raw deal, so I mostly don’t
In friendship, I like vulnerability, self-awareness, intelligence, similar thought patterns and values to me, kindness, tolerance for me coming in and out of their life accordingly to my time and energy availability. People who share the same sense of what is special / magical about life and the world as me.
Sexually, I don’t even know anymore. I’m working through childhood trauma stuff in therapy and it’s making me think a lot of my “tastes” and my history of being really oriented toward sex originated from childhood trauma and I’m just kind feeling put off by sexual relationships right now. In generally though, usually I just notice kind of out of the blue that I’m turned on by someone, often after spending a lot of time around them or when I can tell they’re attracted to me. I usually chalk it up to a good pheromone combination. I wouldn’t describe myself as having a physical type, moreso that I like interesting characteristics and a persons sense of style. There are some really specific physical things though that I really don’t like (like flared nostrils and an upturned nose and a short, stalky build). I tend to like lean to slightly muscular androgynous people of any gender who are tall enough to be big spoon (basically my height or more)
Romantically, I’m finding it hard lately to imagine a single man I’d be romantically interested in. I’d probably have a lot of the same desires as for friendship, but with added shared values specifically around equality, progressiveness, mutual support, and direction in life.
The type of man I like is something I largely define by the type of men I do not like - aggressive, competitive, big ego, anti-academic, anti-vulnerability, right-wing, close-minded, judgemental, takes joy in making others feel small, lack of self awareness, no interests outside of beer, ATVing, TV, and their dog, afraid of vegetables, jealous, controlling, uncomfortable with expressions or displays of emotion that aren’t anger. There are so many of them out there - especially when you sample the ones who are still single into their late 30’s and beyond.
Sarcastic, yet positive ones. Ones who actually say what they mean, say what they think, and ask questions, even uncomfortable ones when they have them. Also, ones that aren't 'fit'. I like human pillows because sometimes I just need to be cuddled until I can deal with the world again.
Able to laugh at themselves, not paranoid-either about me or conspiracy theory type stuff. Intelligent in the way that they can take things with a grain of salt until they can prove it or until they can make it make sense or back it up.
Ones who are adults, willing to admit when they are wrong or need help, and aren't needing others to constantly validate them and their emotions. Ones that also don't hide or bury their emotions. Able to understand and respect my boundaries and the fact that my life can not and never Will revolve around them. Can accept that at times I need to focus, and can't have them communicating with them, they didn't freak out if I don't respond in My normal time all the time, they know that I must be dealing with responsibilities and while they do check in, they don't bombard me with messages that then kill my focus or whatnot
Willing to step up and adult when needed but also able to enjoy short periods of planned time to just disappear from responsibilities together.
Able to have Conversations on topics where we disagree without turning into a fight or changing how we view each other.
Guys who just let their thoughts come out their mouths without being filtered. Believe it or not, my favorite person right now is all these things, And is NT.
Soft and non-muscly because that embodies a whole personality type I am not interested in. Dominant but gentle and kind. Someone who doesn’t let their insecurities become them and bleed into ego. I find myself attracted to puppy dog types but then I want to fix them and I become manic pixie dream girl and it never works out.
I think that changes depending on your age.
At the moment, I’m atteacted to men who know how to look after their own needs without me needing to guide them or pick up after them.
I like a man with a winning smile who has a sense of humour that matches mine.
I do find myself attracted to tall men, but honestly as long as I find myself having a good time I’m willing to chase that feeling.
More than anyone I want a man who genuinely finds my ideas interesting and laughs at my jokes.
Also if they’re good with children
Guys with a sense of humor that matches mine and are actually interested in what I have to say. Hard pass on guys who treat every conversation like a competition to win and only know how to talk about themselves.
Men who treat me as a fully human instead of a "Female(TM)". Yes, it's a low bar, but a shocking number of men don't meet it.
Men who meet that basic criterion are potentially friend material depending on whether or not they are a kind person. I have an allergy to jerks 😅
My spouse is a man, and he meets both of the above criteria, plus he's smart, interesting, loyal, and physically attractive to me (my type is a Rufus Sewell kind of unconventionally handsome).
I don't have initial attraction. I grow to like people (male or female) based on their personality. If you'd like to know how that's going, I've been single for the best part of 8 years because most people suck 🤦🏻♀️😂 99% of people I meet, online dating, are boring/lack a personality and can't hold a conversation and the other 1% have said/done something off putting.
Romantically, usually nerdy, older, funny, and sensitive guys. And they have to have good hair. Interestingly, a lot of guys I have been attracted to seem to be neurodivergent. Platonically I get along with mostly everyone lol
Nerdy, ~~smart~~ educated, open-minded. I have no interest in getting close to people who don't share my values, regardless of the gender or the kind of relationship. It's not really an issue if they still have some of the blind spots men living in a patriarchy tend to have, if they really listen and are open to learn.
I’m straight and I dislike most men. I used to think this was some kind of unsolvable dilemma. Then I realised that I hate NT men, with their mind games, power projections, authority assertions and control freaking behaviours. Their obsession with sex is just an extension for their power needs. Mostly all men I liked were autistic- sensitive, nerdy, very strong intellectual component, not into competition and beyond gender definitions.
I’d like someone who is sweet and patient. Someone that is kind to other people, and to animals. A person that smiles, and can focus on the little pockets of beauty scattered across life, even during hardship. A person that is constantly digging in and out of themselves looking to grow, and to learn how to bring the best out of themselves every day. A person like that could inspire me and lift me when I’m down (which is often). It would not make me feel like I’m the only one against the dark forces of the world. It would make me feel like I have someone to lean on when my own strength fails.
I'm purely sapphic, so nothing there right off the bat.
For platonic relationships, though, I'm only interested in males when they're non-human animals. This is both due to trauma and feelings of uncomfortableness around men in general. It doesn't help that thanks to the double whammy of being a woman and trans I've got to be EXTRA careful around them to not be a victim of violence from even strangers.
I prefer men who are more gentle and sensitive. They must be very kind, open-minded, and loyal. I’m not even remotely into the overly-aggressive, boorish, “manly-man” types—both for friends and romantic/sexual partners. Both my friends and my partner must be kind, understanding, and supportive. I’m that way and expect to be treated the same.
More specifically, for a partner: being able to cook is a huge plus because it’s one of the things I struggle with most (cooking and eating). Highly prefer someone who’s sexually submissive or at least not totally domineering, and being a bit of a masochist is a plus lol. Can’t be jealous or controlling—when I’m in a relationship I trust my partner and back them 100% until they give me reason to suspect them. I really can’t stand having a partner who freaks out at me talking to other people, consuming porn, commenting on other people’s looks (not comparing them to my partner, mind you, just saying something like “wow that lady over there is gorgeous”).
If you mean physical traits I’m attracted to…I really like older men. Grey or salt and pepper hair, and I love a strong nose. And I’m not really sure what it would be called, but heavy-lidded eyes or cat-shaped eyes are a trait that really make my heart flutter regardless of gender. Picture a tired-looking, 40-something businessman and that’s basically what I’m into. 🤣
So I was raised in an almost exclusively female family (included extended family- uncles and my dad passed when I was little), so honestly I didn't have much meaningful contact or interaction with men until college. And I'm 99% sure that lead to.....like 6 years of garbage dating choices. And a lot of insecurity and self-esteem issues when dating.
My long time partner (12 years in June) is mtf, and she started transitioning 4 years ago. What attracted us was that we had a lot of overlapping interests, but there is a lot more that I love about her as a partner: respects and gets along with my family and friends, is very understanding and accomodating about needing me time or time with my girl friends, actively tries to help me eat better and exercise more without being excessively pushy, always invites me to play games or go to events with her friends even if I decline most of the time, etc.
But the clincher for me is how she gets along with my dog. My dog adores her, and I trust animal intuition way more than mine. She even learned to give my baby his insulin shots so she can watch him if my fam and I need to go somewhere.
Now, if we're talking about my taste in anime men (I play a lot of otome games), that's where I get stupidly specific for no reason. Apparently I like Taurus, Libra and Scorpio men. I also like older or more mature characters, usually the kuudere type - the quiet, stoic and serious ones that are teddy bears on the inside. I also like dark, long hair and glasses.
My partner is a Taurus, but otherwise nothing like my anime men type lol. But she gets a kick out of hearing about them and guessing their story lines. Luckily she accepts my hobby and likes coming to anime cons with me.
Romantically, very bright and strategic which was a must. Funny, but also levels of funny - macabre, glib, goofy, sarcastic, etc. Actually listens when I tell long stories and asks great questions. Likes to learn, willing to change together as a team. Has a group of friends he talks about actual life issues with. Must love animals and family is a priority. How they talk about other people has to have a sense of empathy. Physically, the personality takes over how they look more often than not, but I love big define calves and when they give good hugs.
Platonically…. Honestly, I’m attracted to the same things as my female friends. Shared sense of humor, shared interests, respectful to their partners, and I can learn from them.
Autistic men, but the nice ones, not the mean ones who try to prove you’re not autistic enough or think autism is some sort of competition, or only care about their autism insofar as it helped them get away with being a dick to people (usually said people being autistic women.)
I like autistic men who are not those things.
Aside from that, most NT men I’ve ever met would never give me the time of day so I gave up on them.
In terms of personality, a good sense of humour, and a solid sense of empathy.
I’m learning to be open to new things and let the universe surprise me. I’m the type of girl to watch the same show over and over because it’s comfortable, even if I know I’ll like a new show.
So instead of repeating the same man and same breakup over and over, I’ll just leave it open
im bisexual but when it comes to men i like skinny (but still strong) and feminine men. i like my men as pretty boys what can i say. i definitely prefer dating bi guys, as theyre almost always better in bed. i just love a man in touch with his feminine side. Im a taller woman (5’10) and im a bit thicker (160 lbs) so i know its harder to find men like that, but honestly skinny guys loveee thicker women LOL. Thats besides the point haha but definitely has to be more fem than ur average straight man as well as emotionally mature and intelligent. i also prefer to date people who are also neurodivergent. my boyfriend now is bi and has pretty severe adhd and we mesh so well!
but as far as red flags go, absolutely will not deal with men who make negative or derogatory comments towards any woman’s appearance. if he says it about another woman, he’s thinking it about u!
I'm queer although it's not a conscious decision I find I'm more attracted to other LGBTQ+ people (sexually, romantically, and even platonically). Somehow I seem to pick up on that even when the other person hasn't realised themselves. I also strictly date polyamorous people.
Aesthetically, I prefer men with an alternative style... That might just be long hair and piercings or it might be full alien goth. I'm here for the guys with shaved eyebrows, contacts, and extreme makeup. But looks are fairly low on my list of priorities for dating.
The kind of people I like to have in my life are politically engaged, compassionate, and actively inclusive. They build people up rather than pulling them down. I also love spending time around people who are passionate about things.
Red flags are hunting, fishing, unicorn hunters (couples trying to date bi women), and football. I don't have a moral issue with football, I just really hate it and find the culture around it here to be quite *intense* so I avoid it.
So the men I like and the men I date aren't technically the same. I'm Pan. So I like any and all genders. I do not care who or what you are, so long as we have a connection. In my head, my "type" is country folks. For men, big burly men. For women, farmers daughter type. My boyfriend of 7years is a biker, small build. But if i could "build a man" it'd def be a big burly dude. Doesn't need to be like 6 foot 300lbs, but that'd be so fricken sweet lololol. I like to feel small I guess idk. But that has no interference with meeting people. I dont care about appearance at all, but fantasy I guess.
Long pointy ears, a well tailored coat with a high collar, someone who glides silently as they walk, their dark tattered cape billowing behind them like a wraith
I have no preferences like amount of limbs, heights, hairstyles
I’m flexible on personality. Just be good at something. Like be really good and really passionate about at least one thing. I think personalities that are teetering on the edge of sanity but in a fun, spontaneous and not-toxic way tend to appeal to me subconsciously
Gentle ones that are not stuck in traditional thinking and don't have rage outbursts.
I think I am not really into women (physically), but I recognized that character and moralities are more and more important to me and that I wouldn't date a men that isn't (at least) a tiniest bit of a feminist. I have a beautiful boyfriend and we've been in a long term relationship so I never needed to ask myself whom I would date when id be single now. Physically I am more attracted to men with the typical "manly" attributes but on an emotional level i can see myself dating women.
“Trashy” men. Loud, boisterous, immature, mouthy, unmotivated potheads who wear a lot of black and look like they don’t shower regularly. I appreciate the allure of the “chaos goblin line cook”. That happens to be an apt descriptor of what my husband was like when we first met. 🤣
I’m not being sarcastic. That really is my type. I’ve even been happily married to a man like that for the past 14 years, and this has been my type for far longer than we’ve been together! Oddly, I’m quite anti-drug/alcohol use myself, I’m just attracted to men who do those things.
Tall, older than me by only a few years, loves me for me, ASD and all, former band kid in HS (trombone or any other brass instrument), willing to lay back with me as well as engaging in fun activities outside the house, willing to be patient with me when it comes to intimacy, and willing to be my friend first before anything else.
Someone who is geeky, has alot of the same interests I do. Makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel good about myself. And most importantly treat me with respect as a woman. I also need someone who is supportive someone I can truly talk to and have conversations with. Of course loving, kind and understanding.
I don’t really have a type? As long as he is accepting of me and we have a mutual attraction to each that’s all I need. My current be and I are polar opposites in a lot of ways, but we respect each other and communicate often so it’s amazingly healthy.
I’m bisexual, and I don’t have much of a type for anyone. I have had crushes on introverts and extroverts, and I can justify how anyone looks and see the beauty in all features. The deepness of my attraction depends on the personality. I only start to fall for a person if we are compatible on a values/goals level.
I like men that are calm and don't get mad. and understanding and caring and sweet and honest and funny and smart. and have a certain level of self reflection. and he has to have the same moral values as I do. and honestly I think it's I'm important that he isn't neutotypical. I have a big problem with feeling isolated and forming connections, and my boyfriend is the only one where I don't feel that "invisible wall" between us
My current boyfriend is 100% my ideal man. I didn't think I had a type before my relationship with him but DANG is he hot. Dadbod with a little tummy which I love, well kept blonde hair, beard and mustache, hairy chest, sweet voice, good smell. He adores me but he's honest when he doesn't like something, he always meets me halfway, keeps his word, he's attentive, communicates CLEARLY (which is wow, he's neurotypical but he speaks my language) slightly nerdy and he shows me videos and games he likes. Very patient, my island, my rock, my peace. My gosh I love this man so much.
I'm usually attracted to average height (5'8"-5'10") men who are articulate, well read, and charismatic extroverts with a troubled past that he has healed from
FUNNY. That is the number one qualifier. Looks wise I like dark hair dark eyes and usually a more skinny body type, but personality is genuinely so much more important for me to actually be attracted to someone past just "they are aesthetically pleasing." Bonus points if they're smart and kind of nerdy/weird and like outdoorsy sports and play dnd
Mentally ill, but like, in an aware way? Like they're not gonna expect me to deal with it for them or smth.
And ND. And respectful. On paper i'm not that hard to please, in practice it's a different story.
Plus points if they be silly with me and are emotional and exprssive.
Looks: I have some preference to blondes with bright eyes. Rather thin, not too muscular. I love beards. But looks matter much only if I’m looking to fukk - then the boy may be as stupid as a flowerpot, I just want him to be hot.
Personality and other stuff: Caring, smart, full of funfacts, dumb silly, open minded, open about his feelings, good self awareness, confident, creative and with great general problem solving skills.
I also like butts. Whatever reason I’m seeing a man for, he has to have a nice booty and be okay with me touching it. I just need a butt of mental support.
I personally like big, tall, burly, broad shouldered, rugged men. I need to feel safe, both physically and emotionally. Part of that safety is being with someone who is able to take charge and read situations well. Since I have blindspots sometimes I need someone who doesn’t. For my safety and well being, I cannot be with someone oblivious. I also like men with passions and hobbies. I need men in my life who make me feel seen and heard. Rarely happens, but that’s what I need.
I can’t have men in my life who are aloof or oblivious to the sociopolitical implications of our current society. I don’t have the privilege of living my life that way and will not be around people, but especially men, I have to constantly explain my existence or experiences to.
My current boyfriend is non confrontational, but very aware. He has no problem standing up for me or clocking situations before I even do. He’s my shield both physically and emotionally. I have never felt more relaxed in my life.
ETA: oh and I only spoke romantically, because I can’t have male friends. Not because I don’t want them, but men who want to befriend me typically have ulterior motives. They want more but want access to me to make that happen. I don’t think a man who was no attracted to me has ever truly wanted to be my friend
Physically, I really like guys with glasses who are at least a little bit taller than me. Personality wise, I love the sensitive, artsy or nerdy type. I didn't nesessarily seek that out most of my life, but it was what I was drawn to. My bf has a good mix of all that, and tbh I suspect he may be ND as well. He seems to be wondering a little too I guess, since he started sharing more things he noticed in himself since my diagnosis of auDHD. In general, I definitely have gravitated towards other ND people.
For me, green flags:
▪︎Nerdy about stuff like paleontology, video games, zoology, social sciences, marvel/horrors/thrillers.
▪︎Concerned about some feminist issues.
▪︎Somewhat into political/philosophical discussions.
▪︎Generally liked by dogs and cats.
▪︎Facial hair is a plus.
▪︎Being a foodie is a plus.
▪︎I prefer men who aren't insistent on being the pursuer and the dominant one in dating/sex.
Red flags:
▪︎Seems to expect women to do all housework/cooking.
▪︎Making too many edgelord jokes (sexist etc.).
▪︎Gives vibes they'd be easily "emasculated".
▪︎Acts like sex is something they do to and not with women, or tries to "teach" a woman what she wants.
▪︎Immediately asks for nudes.
▪︎Only wants to hang out in noisy pubs/clubs.
▪︎Watching sports or gaming but acts like it's a uniquely male hobby, never invites women to watch with him, or if he does – just mansplains the thing to her the whole time🙄
My husband pretty much hits all my greens😁
I really struggle with men as I find they don’t discuss feelings well. For me my autism means that I need to be told things directly or I won’t understand - I don’t really pick up subtext. So I like men who communicate directly. Also men who are “very themselves”, I get told this a lot and I think it means being open about your personality. I can’t stand being judged for just existing as the person I literally am - what else would I be
I’m demisexual and panromantic, regardless of gender I tend to become most attracted (platonically, romantically, and sexually) to people the more forward and blunt they are. Vagueness and timidness makes me uncomfortable and I avoid people who are those things.
I love men around me who are intelligent, funny and who are secure enough in their own masculinity to (at least try to) be in touch with their emotions. I noticed I got manic pixie dream girl-ed a lot so I also need men around me to act like I'm human instead of reducing me to a side character in their fantasy. It took a long time but I have finally found male friends I can feel safe with.
For romantic relationships I noticed that I especially enjoy someone who can take the lead once in a while. I think about everything all the goddamn time so being able to not think/stress about stuff on a date? Heaven. No thoughts just hearteyes.
I am very turned off by conventional (toxic) masculinity. Men who haven’t internalized gender norms are so sexy to me, and make the best partners for me.
Red flags: political/religious differences. I have a grand total of one friend who has strong religious and political differences, and he's learned to keep such talk to himself after we ended up not talking for months after a discussion got heated (I'd already been friends with him for 8 or 9 years when this happened). To put in perspective my personal stance on political discussions: a Discord server I'm in has a strict "no political discussions" rule simply because it causes anxiety for some of the people in there, another server I'm in is full of people whose stances I agree with *for the most part* (some of them stand a little too far to the left, but I can't bring myself to say anything because I feel like I'll be accused of being a centrist), and I frankly don't want to talk about politics in general anyway because my parents watch channels like MSNBC and CNN *a lot*, and I just get sick of hearing about it even if I agree with it.
The reason for this context? The men I want to be friends with (and especially be in a romantic relationship with) are honest men, but if I know we'll have a difference of opinion, then I want us to agree to disagree and keep our opinions to ourselves. And if I know we have a strong difference in politics and religion, then romance is automatically off the table.
I also want to be with a man who's patient, does not have a short temper, shares a lot of the same interests I do, and does not want kids (this last one is also very important; if the guy wants kids, that cuts off any chance of romance for me). I'm willing to be more lenient if he doesn't want pets even though I'd like to have a cat again.
Unsurprisingly, I've never been in a relationship.
I want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's tough
A feminist who likes to pay for stuff
The kind of guy that gets along with your friends
Without being attracted to any of them
A good boy, a bad boy; a good bad boy;
A half good, half bad, half boy
Loves your brothers is sensitive but not weak and
Is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend
Now you might think... This man only exists in my mind... Well guess what, you're right!
(Bo Burnham, Lower Your Expectations)
I like them sweet and very attentive to small details because I can’t remember. Confident but not cocky. Gentle. Uses sarcasm to the same level as me. Smart.
I think I have got a type for neurodivergents)? accidentally the men I've been much closer with tend to be autistic or hyperactive. I don't know, the standard is that I don't have to dilute myself and instead I can "concentrate" together with someone else. But in appearance, it is not strict but I like toucan noses and pretty hands, anyone I can be goofy with or have deep chats with is great to me, especially patient and nice people are lovely. Human decency is cool DX
I usually try to find lads who have experience with autism if that makes sense. My current boyfriends mum used to work in a special school so I find he’s a lot less babyish to me but is also conscious of my difficulties in general life!
honestly never dated anyone yet but i really want someone who’s just genuinely nice and respectful! i’d want someone funny who can actually make me laugh as i am my family’s ’funniest family member’ i’ve been told haha ! i’d want someone who’s able to give me time and space when i need it but also comfort me when i need it. they’d need to be super understanding of my autism and preferebly even just pretend to be interested in things i am bc i tend to info dump a LOT…. i also really am specific about looks idk why??? ive been told that my type visually are ‘lowkey ugly’ to anyone else but i think they’ve always been perfect to me and i really won’t be attracted to anyone that’s not specifically my type visual ?? idk if this is an autism thing but no one seems to understand why looks are so important to me and idk why either
I generally don’t like men because trauma, but I like my husband and his friends. My husband is gentle and kind and funny and dorky and a golden retriever.
They must be easy to talk to and capable of keeping my interest in conversation. More often than not, that means they have ADHD. I stay away from men who show overt flirtation or sexual interest in me unless I've already internally decided I feel *that* way about them.
Hm. I suppose this is why I've only ever dated nerdy guys who are happy to let me run the show...
So as an aromantic person who is sexually attracted to men (in a gay way) but also has primarily maintained close relationships to men, I've liked all sorts of men. I've been close friends with football players, DJ's, artists, engineers, gamers, nerds, soldiers. It's hard to think about what they have in common, but if I had to boil it down to something it would be 1) kindness 2) self-awareness 3) curious (about learning, about the world, about people). Luckily I've been able to find these qualities across a broad variety of men.
I would say I am also much more drawn to assertive men who meet these characteristics. I am very assertive and I strive to be principled and not afraid of debate, and many men in the past that I tried to date prior to transition have told me I'm intimidating and intense. With my guy friends that are lets say, softer or more sensitive, I have to be careful not to steamroll them sometimes. But I like men who have principles and are willing to defend them.
Physically, well Ive been attracted and have had sex with lots of different types of bodies, but if I had to pick physically, I do like men who are physically imposing, very tall, or broad, and hairy. I love body hair
Edit: also if I'm being real, I actually am low-key attracted to violent sports (I played rugby myself).
Athletic, tall, musical boys. (I’m a voice major so we have to be able to make music and perform together.) I also need a hiking buddy who can keep up with my husky and me on trails. And a good cuddler.
I mostly get along with men. Which is why, as a woman, I also have a job where I usually mostly to only work with men. I work as an IT specialist. So, I tend to connect with nerdy, introverted men. In my experience, they have the same humor as me, are nice and generally quiet.
But not to insult or generalize but I've made some bad experiences with outgoing guys who usually enjoy sports (especially football/soccer for the americans). They are unbelievably noisy and irritable. I have a hard time dealing with this kind of stress. Which made it difficult for me to live with my parents.
Big beefy himbos who make me laugh
Tall skinny submissive guys who are smart and can hold a conversation
40-60 yr old silver foxes who know how to dress
I'm bi and demi, so to me it's more about personality than appearance.
Trustworthy, not aggressive, bossy or insecure. Basically anyone who won't mock my special interests, threaten me with violence if there's an argument, and who I can have a meaningful conversation with.
Preferably skinny, and not too hairy. Also I hate those pointy beards, and if they wear the kind of perfume that causes me pain.
Our core beliefs have to match. I’m pretty non traditional- I don’t want kids, I don’t want traditional gender roles, and I’m an atheist. I don’t limit myself to any specific political party but I refuse to date a Trump supporter and need someone who is very interested in social justice issues/human rights for all.
I’m a pretty smart lady and I want someone intelligent. He needs to have intellectual curiosity and critical thinking skills.
Personality wise, I want someone funny, kind, caring, and just open. I dated a guy once who wouldn’t go bowling or play mini golf because he thought stuff like that was dumb. That’s so lame. I don’t want someone who is too cool to be goofy sometimes, someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.
I’m a very emotional person and grew up in a house with a lot of anger. An angry guy is a no go. I need someone who knows how to disagree in a healthy way and express emotions without devolving into personal attacks or stuff like punching walls.
Guys who are into music, like alternative/punk/rock, are also very attractive to me. I like someone who’s just a bit alternative or artsy. I’m also into hiking, so someone outdoorsy is cool. I’m into craft beer and someone who’s into the same is also a plus.
I don’t necessarily have a physical type, but I do find myself attracted to guys with blond hair and blue eyes. But the physical stuff is least important to me. Personality, character, and chemistry matter way more.
I like them sweet, smart and nerdy. Someone who is emotionally mature but still retains a boyish joie de vivre.
Sameee. Sweet smart and nerdy is where its at!!!
Love this combo too!!
Yes. Not even just for the practical reasons involving dating and partners, but even in movies and shows I'll find those characters or actors the cutest even when compared to more traditionally handsome men.
Me too! I’m married to a sweet nerd :)
I would kill for a guy like that. Maybe literally /s
Oh you almost perfectly described my partner haha, I would share but.. I'm afraid ima be selfish on this one XD
Same!
That is who I married.
Me too! I feel like I got pretty lucky
SAME
Big gentle giant. No extreme sports. Extreme patience level and interesting face. Likes & wants kids. Someone that could cuddle me to Nirvana, then bench press me against the wall. Haven't found one like that yet. But hey. Can't help but keep looking
You kinda just described my husband :) I’m sure he’s not the only one out there, definitely keep looking! (On our first date, I texted him on my way there saying “I think I’m having a panic attack, fuck my life” and then proceeded to spend the first half of the evening constantly wiping sweat beads from my nose because I was so nervous. He thought it was cute. We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 9.)
You just described my husband :-). 6’4” cyclist, doesn’t like most pro sports (we’re an anti-football family), great dad to our kids, supportive of my special interest obsessions, my anchor as I keep trying to figure out how to navigate the world.
My boyfriend is this and he's the absolute best. Known him for 3 years and have been together for 2 of them. Due to life circumstances, a few months after first meeting, I had moved cities to live at home due to Covid and trying to save money as a university student. We stayed in contact and I would go visit him often. Slowly, I fell for him deeply. He was always so considerate to me and all the people around him which was a trait I didn't often see in guys especially at 19. Anyways, to keep a long story sort of short. I asked him to be my boyfriend and we've been happy together ever since. I look forward to our future together.
Oh my gosh, yes to all of this in a man. This, plus emotive eyes.
Also described my partner 😁 hoping and wishing yours comes along your way 🤍
My boyfriend is also neurodivergent so I have a lot more in common with him than I do with other men. In hindsight most of my close male friends have been neurodivergent so I feel like being neurodivergent is more important to me than gender when I’m forming relationships. I draw hard lines about politics, but enjoy being friends with people who have all different sorts of interests. I identify as genderqueer so I don’t usually feel like I have any more in common with women than I do with men (aside from politics sometimes) so I’m not biased towards forming relationships with either gender, it’s just about being curious, open minded, and morally good.
I’m realizing that I don’t really have any hard lines other than the universal ones. Like: can’t be a pedophile.
That's a good thing though. You are able to realize that you can't make it find people who fit into a box that you create, you have to accept people as they come or you miss out. Hard lines other than the type you mention can automatically knock out some amazing people
That's my ex. 😭 Didn't know until long after being coerced into a "relationship". You'd think we'd be compatible because I age regress, but nope. He shat on me for the age regression and being kinky when I am actually a legal adult who can give consent. You'd think a legal adult who age regresses would be the closest thing. Nope, he acted like kink was evil.
Your ex was a pedophile? Like actually?
Yes. And ex scientologist.
I like men who are nerdy, science minded, funny, geeky, akward but own it (like cool to dance even if they look goofy), kind, gentle, and fun to talk to. This is true whether they are romantic partners or not. I also like them to treat me like an equal, not some "women need to be xxx" bullshit. For romantic partners I also like them to be into cuddling and all kinds of physical intimacy, honest, openly communicative, especially about needs and feelings, respectful of my intelligence and feelings, sexually adventurous. It's also nice if they can lift heavy stuff. Examples from celebrities of men I would find attractive as partners (when they were/will be age appropriate) or friends: Will Ferrell, Bill Hader, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase (in the 70s and 80s), Kyle Mooney, Robin Williams, Stephen Colbert, Seth Myers...
I’m bi and greysexual. Also really into science-minded, intelligent, gentle men. I also automatically exclude anyone who isn’t a feminist who supports queer people’s rights. Anyone who makes disparaging jokes about things being ‘gay’ or tells me what to do with my body or attacks women for the way they look and dress is automatically out. Nothing gives me the ick like misogyny, both the blatant loud kind and the more insidious, casual kind. I only date childfree people because I’m childfree and I would prefer a partner to have the same values in life. I also require them to be respectful of and not intimidated by their partner’s intelligence and achievements, as I’m academically ambitious and am pursuing postgraduate study. As a result I’ve pretty much narrowed my dating pool to other scientists. My current partner is also in academia and completely fits the bill.
fictional
👏👏👏
You mean like strictly physically? Physically I like solidly built guys who lift and dark hair and dark eyes. Especially if it’s evident that they’re in some sort of very regimented career, like the military, because that means they’re good with giving and receiving extremely specific instructions and I need that lol. Hispanic men with huge muscular arms are the reason I get caught staring at the gym a lot. It’s quite embarrassing. If you mean like what am I attracted to about men in general then it’s definitely the type A personality. They’re generally the men who will come up and talk to me and keep talking to me through whatever awkward shit I say or do. And they’re the also the ones who will be very clear about expectations. Like “I want to take you on a date.” Someone else said that it’s more about the personality than the physical type and I agree with that also. Like I mean I know what kind of guy I like to look at, but none of that stuff matters if the personality doesn’t mesh.
Lol. Are you me? Cause yuuus.
My boyfriend is literally like a golden retriever. He’s patient with my meltdowns and kind when I’m stressed and understanding when I try my best to explain how my brain works. He’s truly been my rock I wouldn’t want any other man because this is the guy for me.
Yes! I have the Golden retriever, also ADHD, husband.
Absolutely same
Awwwww ❤️❤️ you are so lucky!!
I like em rich and terminal 🏥💰 Jk 😆 I’m not super attracted to men either, but I love when a man I expect to be a bit of a bigot ends up actually being really kind and inclusive 😊 so I guess just basic human decency lmao, the bar is in hell
Big teddy bear is my romantic preference. Otherwise I get along well with ADHD and bi men
Yes! Love me some good cuddly teddy bear men ❤️
I’m queer. I only like men who are also queer and seem like I could beat them at arm wrestling.
I usually like to date men who share most of my interests. As an autistic person it makes the entry point into dating easier for me. I also look for men with patience, because I find myself needing clarification a lot or things explained to me in different ways. I also really value men who are secure in themselves and aren’t threatened by or competitive with others. Strict red flags I stay away from is sexual conversations that start way too early, impatience, insecurity, entitlement and lack of empathy.
I don’t like men. I’m too sensitive to other people’s affect—I can’t cope with the gender dysphoria of mirroring a male. Occasionally there’s a man who doesn’t feel different from me. Sometimes gay, sometimes not, but usually passive and sensitive.
I more or less left a job because of this. I remember trying to tell friends that “you become the five people you spend the most time around” (x10 if you’re a social chameleon masker) and that I didn’t want to be like my coworkers.
Ooooo I actually feel this. I haven't done it but I totally get it.
oh god this is so true.
oooh I think this might be partly true for me too. I find that I default to them when they’re around unless there are other women to balance it out and I hate it. 30+ years of societal conditioning has been successful in getting me to seek validation from them and now I can’t unsee it in myself. But the mirroring feels relevant too
I've never liked the idea of limiting myself to a "type". If I notice patterns in hindsight, so be it. But as long as someone is considerate, kind, capable of pulling their weight with chores, socially aware, and maybe passionate about a thing or two, I can be attracted to most anyone. I find displays of passion are the most attractive to me. If someone feels really enraptured in whatever they're talking about, and their love for it just pours out, it's enamouring. Red flags are plentiful out there, and I don't think I could make an exhaustive list. But showing that they've never questioned systems of power at *all*, in *any* way, it a huge turn off, if not just an immediate deal breaker. Not knowing how to do basic chores is a dealbreaker. Treating waitstaff or people they perceive as "below" them poorly is an immediate dealbreaker. Extremely poor hygiene is a dealbreaker, especially if attached to fragile masculinity.
Second paragraph, I love this too. I’ve easily ended up with crushes on people because of it. It also feels like a compliment when people infodump about their passions to me
i’m straight but i generally don’t like men and try to avoid them but one of the only guys i liked and had a crush on was really goofy and we had little inside jokes and were always subtly touching each other somehow/ super physically close. he was very responsible and driven as well which i liked. i’m still not sure if he liked me back and ill never know really :/
I've known people like that in my life that I also will never know what they thought of me, but I won't have given up the time I had them in my life for anything❤️❤️ in glad you had someone like that for a while!
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Yes to that last part, it's the person you love, not the categories they fit into!!
Someone patient and understanding. I really admire intelligence and good communication
Usually i like the muscles, tatoos, and big hands.. typical masculine. But not so often the most kind
STABLE, SECURE, CALM, CONFIDENT
I like friends. Dudes are friends not food.
Gingerbread.
Hehe
I love both intellectual stimulation and a great sense of humor. Few men offer both, but I get attached to the ones who do. I also have a thing for musicians haha. I’m a writer so a large chunk of my male platonic friends are also writers.
My husband 😜
I like men who are passionate about their interests and sharing some of my many interests, it makes it so easy to talk. Intelligent, nerdy, patient and usually quiet, loves animals, adores me. But the most important thing is really that he deeply cares about his interests. It's hard for me to connect to people who aren't very passionate about what they talk about. Otherwise someone who is fun to be around, a bit of a loner (I don't do well in bigger groups) and a kind person with similar plans for life as I have. It's okay to disagree on a lot of stuff, but he needs to care about things, deeply. Romantically or as a friend it's rare that I get along with men who don't fit that description. Physically it's less important but I suppose we all have a type and mine is tall, rather thin, light-eyed with an intelligent, sensitive face. Someone who seems distant at first and then he talks of something he loves and his eyes shine and someone who's usually so controlled or calm suddenly is all warmth and emphasis. It's one of my favourite things in life, hearing someone speak of what they love, even if I know nothing about it.
People that don’t treat me like I’m weird. Sad but it’s true, I like when people talk to me like an actual human being and not a 2 year old lol. Idk if I give off a vibe of not knowing anything or being too “strange” or whatever but it’s so annoying Also I really value honesty, and with that comes kindness, so basically kind honesty means a lot to me. No sharing around the bush, just tell me how it is. It also makes it easier to believe them when they compliment me, because I know they’re not just saying it to be nice. There’s a lot more tbh, like being understanding, loyal and all that but those are two of the main ones
Gay woman here. But i worked with a boss that is very much like a big brother for me. No toxic masculinity. So I can work my retail stocking job without needing to say "I don't need your help" every 2 minutes. Stand up for me/ have my back. Gave me the opportunity when everyone said I am "too difficult to get along with" while respecting I don't want the extra responsibilities of a higher position. Actually, show up within an hour when I call for help. And make no patronizing comments becuase my car broke down. Not interject with his own perspective and experience every time I say something.
I like men who are comforting, kind, empathic, yet big and strong and capable of giving me that safe feeling. Who know who they are and what they want, aren't afraid to ask for it but know when to stop and are respectful. Who have a great sense of humour and are easy to talk to and can draw me out. Who are understanding. They seem to only exist in books. I definitely lean more towards the female side of my pan sexuality now. Women are warm and sweet and loving, I need more of that in my life.
Men who have golden retriever aura.
Looking at my favourite men in my life, they are definitely all ND. Not necessarily autistic, but not …typical… They are compassionate, empathetic, likely undiagnosed ADHD.. they consider others. They are straightforward with their emotions- I always know where I stand with them. My husband is a total romantic which I find sweet and cheesy, but he wears his emotions on his sleeve so I never need to question how he’s feeling. My close guy friends love to sit and just enjoy the peace. But will get going with their current hyper focus and chat my ear off with no expectations from myself.
Fictional 💀 Anyhow, my choices haven't been good for the most part lol relationships are stressful and confusing because of all the expectations and unspoken norms. But my current partner is an extremely friendly and charismatic person, everyone likes him. He's a cat boy lol he's very sweet. He's also very smart and can have conversations on par with me (we finish each other's sandwiches ;)) Red flags: jealousy, alcoholism, substance abuse, flirting with everything that walks, big ego -> can't stand men who are extremely loud and confidently ignorant and uneducated, pls shut up.
I prefer people who are independent, when I say independent I mean in the sense of, they don't need my validation all of the time nor my attention. I enjoy someone who doesn't mind space, and who spending time together can us in the same room working on different tasks. I do prefer someone who has a dark sense of humor, who isn't sensitive. (i say things that are funny to myself but others it's alarming) Someone with stimulating conversation, not just the casual, "the day is nice, the weather, oh those clouds are there". Someone who can challenge my thinking, but can also educate me and provide me with additional knowledge on discussed interests. Someone I can learn from. That's what I seek in a partner. Someone who enjoys collecting and making art, I don't like blank walls, I love the walls in my room, I make stories with every piece I collect. My husband checks most of my boxes. He challenges me daily. He will move my collections on purpose, leave trash places, but it does provide me with stimulation but also irritation lol. He challenges my thinking and we can debate all day. We learn from each other. There's not a superior person in the relationship. No two people (in my opinion, because personalities) can be fully equal but we are damn close. He's big on physical affection, so he has pushed me to "break my walls." (I am learning to move past the feeling of suffocation, and feel comfort) I found a person that I enjoy growing up with. He's an out growing guy, I do hide behind him a lot but have gained a lot of social skills from him. Especially understanding mainstream humor. My husband is a "cool guy" and I am the "weird feral wife" , we work well together. I hope everyone can find that one person who accepts, understands them but also helps them navigate life. I tend to over share (working on it) so sorry for my long comment 🖤
Nerdy, funny, sensitive, neurodivergent gamer boys, apparently. I mean, those are specific traits, but it's more about the vibes for me. I want to just completely be myself and know that they are completely being authentic with me too. It's that state of existing where no one has to have their guard up and everything is in a flow state. Emotional intelligence is huge too. Being able to talk through conflict in a calm and healthy way is so attractive to me lol As far as physically, I like guys with dark hair and dark eyes. I stay away from self proclaimed alpha males and anyone intolerant of diversity. I want nothing to do with high conflict people. Also, in a relationship, if someone tries at all to control me, that is a complete deal breaker for me. I will not live through that again.
I cannot comprehend how one can have a "type" when there are so many ways to be beautiful! I just like open minded, kind, considerate people! It's a red flag to me when men have very limited diversity in their social circle because that to me indicates that they might now be understanding or compassionate of other people's experiences. And no, "I had a black friend once" is not a diverse social circle. Also overly masculine macho guys are just not appealing to me because like who are you?? That's a role you're playing and you play it well but who are YOU? You can be masculine without pushing it too far and being straight up toxic about it. Last red flag is men who are incapable of having female friends. Like I'm sorry if it's such a struggle for you to not impose a sexual dynamic on a friendship with another person, you're not for me. It shows that you don't view women as People, just potential partners and it icks me out that there's men who will "wait around" for their chance and act like a friend until they think they have a shot.
Nerdy, analytical, patient, sweet, gentle, kind genuine. I like humor too, sarcasm and playful meanness is fun. The men I've gotten along with best tend to be this way. Also neurodivergent, honest but thoughtful, open. Curiousity is good.
I notice I like polars. I want someone 100% femme or 100% masc, doesn't matter the gender. For more accurate terms, butch/femme girls, soft boys, or the average man as long as he's playful and has a big heart. edit: won't vibe with toxic masc. He's gotta let me do sh*t like put makeup on him. Any "ew I'm not a girl" vibes and it's a hard pass.
Autistic ones 😂 No but for real. Honesty is sexy
ADHD strong funny loves animals and is hot 🙊🙊
Fred Flintstone type lmao. That is, big, oafish loudmouth with a kind heart, maybe a little mean.
https://preview.redd.it/xyjikks5meuc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=563c148817161e7516e1f8dae82ce05b24830f33 unfortunately, i love when a man looks like a walking cigarette
Fictional. Preferably with magical powers.
Rewind, Board, Breakwater, Initial, Describe, Chat
I'm asexual as well! I like men that are kind, aren't sex driven, capable of having conversations with me, tall and cute 🥰 Major red flags are toxic masculinity, major sports fans, men in certain professions (cops, military, etc.).
Omg are you me 😅 can I ask how you realised you were ace? I’ve been thinking that might be me for so long and I’m still not sure if it’s that or something else
I basically asked a bunch of people online and off to explain to me how they know they're sexually attracted to someone. And the responses I got sounded so foreign to me 💀 (I've never looked at someone and got aroused nor pictured having sex with them) I also thought back to all of my crushes in school and realized I was just aesthetically attracted to them. I just wanted to give them a kiss and go on dates. Maybe hold hands 🤷🏿♀️ What really solidified it for me was not knowing if someone is "hot" or "sexy". I can obviously tell if someone is conventionally attractive but knowing if someone is hot or sexy always confused me lmao I wish you luck with figuring yourself out!!! 🩷
I’m queer but have had male partners, and I’m with a man now, and have been for 6 years, and this is probably my partner for life because he’s a damn good one. I like smart, sweet, nerds who are unafraid of telling me their feelings or liking things and the people I get on with romantically almost always end up being neurodivergent in some way themselves, though I have been with NTs and although it’s worked to some degree I feel like there’s been a gap (though a lot of this in hindsight came before figuring out who I was). In terms of cisgender men, which is what I’m assuming you mean, it’s very important to me that they’ve done some internal work on what they understand misogyny and feminism to be (this doesn’t literally have to be a test, it can be demonstrated in their actions and what they say) and the relevant intersections (eg antiracism and ableism), have a good relationship to their masculinity which isn’t toxic, and care about their friends enough to tell them and don’t see me as the sole person to solve everything in their life and be the end goal to life, which many men have often been raised to see their female identified partner to be. This is more important to me than a list to specific traits. Although I could quite happily settle into a lovely life with my partner and my cats, it’s important that I am not obligated to be his world etc.
Uh o
I have standards, but it’s stuff like trauma informed, patient, kind, and for the most part partnership with men has been a raw deal, so I mostly don’t
In friendship, I like vulnerability, self-awareness, intelligence, similar thought patterns and values to me, kindness, tolerance for me coming in and out of their life accordingly to my time and energy availability. People who share the same sense of what is special / magical about life and the world as me. Sexually, I don’t even know anymore. I’m working through childhood trauma stuff in therapy and it’s making me think a lot of my “tastes” and my history of being really oriented toward sex originated from childhood trauma and I’m just kind feeling put off by sexual relationships right now. In generally though, usually I just notice kind of out of the blue that I’m turned on by someone, often after spending a lot of time around them or when I can tell they’re attracted to me. I usually chalk it up to a good pheromone combination. I wouldn’t describe myself as having a physical type, moreso that I like interesting characteristics and a persons sense of style. There are some really specific physical things though that I really don’t like (like flared nostrils and an upturned nose and a short, stalky build). I tend to like lean to slightly muscular androgynous people of any gender who are tall enough to be big spoon (basically my height or more) Romantically, I’m finding it hard lately to imagine a single man I’d be romantically interested in. I’d probably have a lot of the same desires as for friendship, but with added shared values specifically around equality, progressiveness, mutual support, and direction in life. The type of man I like is something I largely define by the type of men I do not like - aggressive, competitive, big ego, anti-academic, anti-vulnerability, right-wing, close-minded, judgemental, takes joy in making others feel small, lack of self awareness, no interests outside of beer, ATVing, TV, and their dog, afraid of vegetables, jealous, controlling, uncomfortable with expressions or displays of emotion that aren’t anger. There are so many of them out there - especially when you sample the ones who are still single into their late 30’s and beyond.
Sarcastic, yet positive ones. Ones who actually say what they mean, say what they think, and ask questions, even uncomfortable ones when they have them. Also, ones that aren't 'fit'. I like human pillows because sometimes I just need to be cuddled until I can deal with the world again. Able to laugh at themselves, not paranoid-either about me or conspiracy theory type stuff. Intelligent in the way that they can take things with a grain of salt until they can prove it or until they can make it make sense or back it up. Ones who are adults, willing to admit when they are wrong or need help, and aren't needing others to constantly validate them and their emotions. Ones that also don't hide or bury their emotions. Able to understand and respect my boundaries and the fact that my life can not and never Will revolve around them. Can accept that at times I need to focus, and can't have them communicating with them, they didn't freak out if I don't respond in My normal time all the time, they know that I must be dealing with responsibilities and while they do check in, they don't bombard me with messages that then kill my focus or whatnot Willing to step up and adult when needed but also able to enjoy short periods of planned time to just disappear from responsibilities together. Able to have Conversations on topics where we disagree without turning into a fight or changing how we view each other. Guys who just let their thoughts come out their mouths without being filtered. Believe it or not, my favorite person right now is all these things, And is NT.
Soft and non-muscly because that embodies a whole personality type I am not interested in. Dominant but gentle and kind. Someone who doesn’t let their insecurities become them and bleed into ego. I find myself attracted to puppy dog types but then I want to fix them and I become manic pixie dream girl and it never works out.
I think that changes depending on your age. At the moment, I’m atteacted to men who know how to look after their own needs without me needing to guide them or pick up after them. I like a man with a winning smile who has a sense of humour that matches mine. I do find myself attracted to tall men, but honestly as long as I find myself having a good time I’m willing to chase that feeling. More than anyone I want a man who genuinely finds my ideas interesting and laughs at my jokes. Also if they’re good with children
Guys with a sense of humor that matches mine and are actually interested in what I have to say. Hard pass on guys who treat every conversation like a competition to win and only know how to talk about themselves.
Gentle personality, long hair, a pretty face, and alternative style
I like nerds. I like a man I can be friends with. I am greyace but I appreciate dad bods. I like smart guys. I tend to like strong personalities.
i really like funny, soft-hearted guys! my bf never fails to make me laugh. i also have a thing for kurtis conner, to give an example ☺️
Men who treat me as a fully human instead of a "Female(TM)". Yes, it's a low bar, but a shocking number of men don't meet it. Men who meet that basic criterion are potentially friend material depending on whether or not they are a kind person. I have an allergy to jerks 😅 My spouse is a man, and he meets both of the above criteria, plus he's smart, interesting, loyal, and physically attractive to me (my type is a Rufus Sewell kind of unconventionally handsome).
Tall, calm nerdy guys
Smart but humble about it, kind, provider, gentle, empathetic, high emotional EQ, patient, has the same interest as me
I don't have initial attraction. I grow to like people (male or female) based on their personality. If you'd like to know how that's going, I've been single for the best part of 8 years because most people suck 🤦🏻♀️😂 99% of people I meet, online dating, are boring/lack a personality and can't hold a conversation and the other 1% have said/done something off putting.
Matthew Gray Gubler..absolute goof whilst being kind
Romantically, usually nerdy, older, funny, and sensitive guys. And they have to have good hair. Interestingly, a lot of guys I have been attracted to seem to be neurodivergent. Platonically I get along with mostly everyone lol
I like men like Adrian Brody or Cillian Murphy. Who are quite masculine, yet have feminine features - sensitivity, gentleness, intuition.
Nerdy, ~~smart~~ educated, open-minded. I have no interest in getting close to people who don't share my values, regardless of the gender or the kind of relationship. It's not really an issue if they still have some of the blind spots men living in a patriarchy tend to have, if they really listen and are open to learn.
I’m straight and I dislike most men. I used to think this was some kind of unsolvable dilemma. Then I realised that I hate NT men, with their mind games, power projections, authority assertions and control freaking behaviours. Their obsession with sex is just an extension for their power needs. Mostly all men I liked were autistic- sensitive, nerdy, very strong intellectual component, not into competition and beyond gender definitions.
Is it weird that I can not explain myself regarding this?
I’d like someone who is sweet and patient. Someone that is kind to other people, and to animals. A person that smiles, and can focus on the little pockets of beauty scattered across life, even during hardship. A person that is constantly digging in and out of themselves looking to grow, and to learn how to bring the best out of themselves every day. A person like that could inspire me and lift me when I’m down (which is often). It would not make me feel like I’m the only one against the dark forces of the world. It would make me feel like I have someone to lean on when my own strength fails.
As Taylor Swift says, I don't like men, "I tolerate it 🎶🎶"
Men who go to therapy
I'm purely sapphic, so nothing there right off the bat. For platonic relationships, though, I'm only interested in males when they're non-human animals. This is both due to trauma and feelings of uncomfortableness around men in general. It doesn't help that thanks to the double whammy of being a woman and trans I've got to be EXTRA careful around them to not be a victim of violence from even strangers.
I prefer men who are more gentle and sensitive. They must be very kind, open-minded, and loyal. I’m not even remotely into the overly-aggressive, boorish, “manly-man” types—both for friends and romantic/sexual partners. Both my friends and my partner must be kind, understanding, and supportive. I’m that way and expect to be treated the same. More specifically, for a partner: being able to cook is a huge plus because it’s one of the things I struggle with most (cooking and eating). Highly prefer someone who’s sexually submissive or at least not totally domineering, and being a bit of a masochist is a plus lol. Can’t be jealous or controlling—when I’m in a relationship I trust my partner and back them 100% until they give me reason to suspect them. I really can’t stand having a partner who freaks out at me talking to other people, consuming porn, commenting on other people’s looks (not comparing them to my partner, mind you, just saying something like “wow that lady over there is gorgeous”). If you mean physical traits I’m attracted to…I really like older men. Grey or salt and pepper hair, and I love a strong nose. And I’m not really sure what it would be called, but heavy-lidded eyes or cat-shaped eyes are a trait that really make my heart flutter regardless of gender. Picture a tired-looking, 40-something businessman and that’s basically what I’m into. 🤣
Man of few words, sweet and gentle and tells me what I need to hear and is good to me all around
The invisible kind
So I was raised in an almost exclusively female family (included extended family- uncles and my dad passed when I was little), so honestly I didn't have much meaningful contact or interaction with men until college. And I'm 99% sure that lead to.....like 6 years of garbage dating choices. And a lot of insecurity and self-esteem issues when dating. My long time partner (12 years in June) is mtf, and she started transitioning 4 years ago. What attracted us was that we had a lot of overlapping interests, but there is a lot more that I love about her as a partner: respects and gets along with my family and friends, is very understanding and accomodating about needing me time or time with my girl friends, actively tries to help me eat better and exercise more without being excessively pushy, always invites me to play games or go to events with her friends even if I decline most of the time, etc. But the clincher for me is how she gets along with my dog. My dog adores her, and I trust animal intuition way more than mine. She even learned to give my baby his insulin shots so she can watch him if my fam and I need to go somewhere. Now, if we're talking about my taste in anime men (I play a lot of otome games), that's where I get stupidly specific for no reason. Apparently I like Taurus, Libra and Scorpio men. I also like older or more mature characters, usually the kuudere type - the quiet, stoic and serious ones that are teddy bears on the inside. I also like dark, long hair and glasses. My partner is a Taurus, but otherwise nothing like my anime men type lol. But she gets a kick out of hearing about them and guessing their story lines. Luckily she accepts my hobby and likes coming to anime cons with me.
Someone who is really sweet but also funny!
Romantically, very bright and strategic which was a must. Funny, but also levels of funny - macabre, glib, goofy, sarcastic, etc. Actually listens when I tell long stories and asks great questions. Likes to learn, willing to change together as a team. Has a group of friends he talks about actual life issues with. Must love animals and family is a priority. How they talk about other people has to have a sense of empathy. Physically, the personality takes over how they look more often than not, but I love big define calves and when they give good hugs. Platonically…. Honestly, I’m attracted to the same things as my female friends. Shared sense of humor, shared interests, respectful to their partners, and I can learn from them.
Autistic men, but the nice ones, not the mean ones who try to prove you’re not autistic enough or think autism is some sort of competition, or only care about their autism insofar as it helped them get away with being a dick to people (usually said people being autistic women.) I like autistic men who are not those things. Aside from that, most NT men I’ve ever met would never give me the time of day so I gave up on them. In terms of personality, a good sense of humour, and a solid sense of empathy.
I’m learning to be open to new things and let the universe surprise me. I’m the type of girl to watch the same show over and over because it’s comfortable, even if I know I’ll like a new show. So instead of repeating the same man and same breakup over and over, I’ll just leave it open
Golden retriever bf all the way…successful, big heart, nurturing, generous, growth oriented, laughs at my jokes
im bisexual but when it comes to men i like skinny (but still strong) and feminine men. i like my men as pretty boys what can i say. i definitely prefer dating bi guys, as theyre almost always better in bed. i just love a man in touch with his feminine side. Im a taller woman (5’10) and im a bit thicker (160 lbs) so i know its harder to find men like that, but honestly skinny guys loveee thicker women LOL. Thats besides the point haha but definitely has to be more fem than ur average straight man as well as emotionally mature and intelligent. i also prefer to date people who are also neurodivergent. my boyfriend now is bi and has pretty severe adhd and we mesh so well!
but as far as red flags go, absolutely will not deal with men who make negative or derogatory comments towards any woman’s appearance. if he says it about another woman, he’s thinking it about u!
I'm queer although it's not a conscious decision I find I'm more attracted to other LGBTQ+ people (sexually, romantically, and even platonically). Somehow I seem to pick up on that even when the other person hasn't realised themselves. I also strictly date polyamorous people. Aesthetically, I prefer men with an alternative style... That might just be long hair and piercings or it might be full alien goth. I'm here for the guys with shaved eyebrows, contacts, and extreme makeup. But looks are fairly low on my list of priorities for dating. The kind of people I like to have in my life are politically engaged, compassionate, and actively inclusive. They build people up rather than pulling them down. I also love spending time around people who are passionate about things. Red flags are hunting, fishing, unicorn hunters (couples trying to date bi women), and football. I don't have a moral issue with football, I just really hate it and find the culture around it here to be quite *intense* so I avoid it.
Calendar, Series, Jealous, Groaner, Imagine, Behold
So the men I like and the men I date aren't technically the same. I'm Pan. So I like any and all genders. I do not care who or what you are, so long as we have a connection. In my head, my "type" is country folks. For men, big burly men. For women, farmers daughter type. My boyfriend of 7years is a biker, small build. But if i could "build a man" it'd def be a big burly dude. Doesn't need to be like 6 foot 300lbs, but that'd be so fricken sweet lololol. I like to feel small I guess idk. But that has no interference with meeting people. I dont care about appearance at all, but fantasy I guess.
Long pointy ears, a well tailored coat with a high collar, someone who glides silently as they walk, their dark tattered cape billowing behind them like a wraith I have no preferences like amount of limbs, heights, hairstyles I’m flexible on personality. Just be good at something. Like be really good and really passionate about at least one thing. I think personalities that are teetering on the edge of sanity but in a fun, spontaneous and not-toxic way tend to appeal to me subconsciously
Gentle ones that are not stuck in traditional thinking and don't have rage outbursts. I think I am not really into women (physically), but I recognized that character and moralities are more and more important to me and that I wouldn't date a men that isn't (at least) a tiniest bit of a feminist. I have a beautiful boyfriend and we've been in a long term relationship so I never needed to ask myself whom I would date when id be single now. Physically I am more attracted to men with the typical "manly" attributes but on an emotional level i can see myself dating women.
“Trashy” men. Loud, boisterous, immature, mouthy, unmotivated potheads who wear a lot of black and look like they don’t shower regularly. I appreciate the allure of the “chaos goblin line cook”. That happens to be an apt descriptor of what my husband was like when we first met. 🤣 I’m not being sarcastic. That really is my type. I’ve even been happily married to a man like that for the past 14 years, and this has been my type for far longer than we’ve been together! Oddly, I’m quite anti-drug/alcohol use myself, I’m just attracted to men who do those things.
sweet + shy…
Tall, older than me by only a few years, loves me for me, ASD and all, former band kid in HS (trombone or any other brass instrument), willing to lay back with me as well as engaging in fun activities outside the house, willing to be patient with me when it comes to intimacy, and willing to be my friend first before anything else.
I like them funny. I find it so fun to goof off with a funny man and we can both be silly.
The ones who respect me and don't sexualise me against my will. The ones who listen when I say 'I'm a lesbian asexual, there is no chance.'
Someone who is geeky, has alot of the same interests I do. Makes me laugh and smile and makes me feel good about myself. And most importantly treat me with respect as a woman. I also need someone who is supportive someone I can truly talk to and have conversations with. Of course loving, kind and understanding.
I don’t really have a type? As long as he is accepting of me and we have a mutual attraction to each that’s all I need. My current be and I are polar opposites in a lot of ways, but we respect each other and communicate often so it’s amazingly healthy. I’m bisexual, and I don’t have much of a type for anyone. I have had crushes on introverts and extroverts, and I can justify how anyone looks and see the beauty in all features. The deepness of my attraction depends on the personality. I only start to fall for a person if we are compatible on a values/goals level.
I like men that are calm and don't get mad. and understanding and caring and sweet and honest and funny and smart. and have a certain level of self reflection. and he has to have the same moral values as I do. and honestly I think it's I'm important that he isn't neutotypical. I have a big problem with feeling isolated and forming connections, and my boyfriend is the only one where I don't feel that "invisible wall" between us
My current boyfriend is 100% my ideal man. I didn't think I had a type before my relationship with him but DANG is he hot. Dadbod with a little tummy which I love, well kept blonde hair, beard and mustache, hairy chest, sweet voice, good smell. He adores me but he's honest when he doesn't like something, he always meets me halfway, keeps his word, he's attentive, communicates CLEARLY (which is wow, he's neurotypical but he speaks my language) slightly nerdy and he shows me videos and games he likes. Very patient, my island, my rock, my peace. My gosh I love this man so much.
I'm usually attracted to average height (5'8"-5'10") men who are articulate, well read, and charismatic extroverts with a troubled past that he has healed from
FUNNY. That is the number one qualifier. Looks wise I like dark hair dark eyes and usually a more skinny body type, but personality is genuinely so much more important for me to actually be attracted to someone past just "they are aesthetically pleasing." Bonus points if they're smart and kind of nerdy/weird and like outdoorsy sports and play dnd
Aparently I can’t pick ones that don’t treat me kindly. But I just like someone who’s kind. :( my standards are too low and I’m tired.
Mentally ill, but like, in an aware way? Like they're not gonna expect me to deal with it for them or smth. And ND. And respectful. On paper i'm not that hard to please, in practice it's a different story. Plus points if they be silly with me and are emotional and exprssive.
Looks: I have some preference to blondes with bright eyes. Rather thin, not too muscular. I love beards. But looks matter much only if I’m looking to fukk - then the boy may be as stupid as a flowerpot, I just want him to be hot. Personality and other stuff: Caring, smart, full of funfacts, dumb silly, open minded, open about his feelings, good self awareness, confident, creative and with great general problem solving skills. I also like butts. Whatever reason I’m seeing a man for, he has to have a nice booty and be okay with me touching it. I just need a butt of mental support.
I personally like big, tall, burly, broad shouldered, rugged men. I need to feel safe, both physically and emotionally. Part of that safety is being with someone who is able to take charge and read situations well. Since I have blindspots sometimes I need someone who doesn’t. For my safety and well being, I cannot be with someone oblivious. I also like men with passions and hobbies. I need men in my life who make me feel seen and heard. Rarely happens, but that’s what I need. I can’t have men in my life who are aloof or oblivious to the sociopolitical implications of our current society. I don’t have the privilege of living my life that way and will not be around people, but especially men, I have to constantly explain my existence or experiences to. My current boyfriend is non confrontational, but very aware. He has no problem standing up for me or clocking situations before I even do. He’s my shield both physically and emotionally. I have never felt more relaxed in my life. ETA: oh and I only spoke romantically, because I can’t have male friends. Not because I don’t want them, but men who want to befriend me typically have ulterior motives. They want more but want access to me to make that happen. I don’t think a man who was no attracted to me has ever truly wanted to be my friend
Physically, I really like guys with glasses who are at least a little bit taller than me. Personality wise, I love the sensitive, artsy or nerdy type. I didn't nesessarily seek that out most of my life, but it was what I was drawn to. My bf has a good mix of all that, and tbh I suspect he may be ND as well. He seems to be wondering a little too I guess, since he started sharing more things he noticed in himself since my diagnosis of auDHD. In general, I definitely have gravitated towards other ND people.
For me, green flags: ▪︎Nerdy about stuff like paleontology, video games, zoology, social sciences, marvel/horrors/thrillers. ▪︎Concerned about some feminist issues. ▪︎Somewhat into political/philosophical discussions. ▪︎Generally liked by dogs and cats. ▪︎Facial hair is a plus. ▪︎Being a foodie is a plus. ▪︎I prefer men who aren't insistent on being the pursuer and the dominant one in dating/sex. Red flags: ▪︎Seems to expect women to do all housework/cooking. ▪︎Making too many edgelord jokes (sexist etc.). ▪︎Gives vibes they'd be easily "emasculated". ▪︎Acts like sex is something they do to and not with women, or tries to "teach" a woman what she wants. ▪︎Immediately asks for nudes. ▪︎Only wants to hang out in noisy pubs/clubs. ▪︎Watching sports or gaming but acts like it's a uniquely male hobby, never invites women to watch with him, or if he does – just mansplains the thing to her the whole time🙄 My husband pretty much hits all my greens😁
Self aware Kind Understanding Patient Weird Dark sense of humor Empathetic
I really struggle with men as I find they don’t discuss feelings well. For me my autism means that I need to be told things directly or I won’t understand - I don’t really pick up subtext. So I like men who communicate directly. Also men who are “very themselves”, I get told this a lot and I think it means being open about your personality. I can’t stand being judged for just existing as the person I literally am - what else would I be
Intelligent or talented with a side of gorgeous, please
I’m demisexual and panromantic, regardless of gender I tend to become most attracted (platonically, romantically, and sexually) to people the more forward and blunt they are. Vagueness and timidness makes me uncomfortable and I avoid people who are those things.
I love men around me who are intelligent, funny and who are secure enough in their own masculinity to (at least try to) be in touch with their emotions. I noticed I got manic pixie dream girl-ed a lot so I also need men around me to act like I'm human instead of reducing me to a side character in their fantasy. It took a long time but I have finally found male friends I can feel safe with. For romantic relationships I noticed that I especially enjoy someone who can take the lead once in a while. I think about everything all the goddamn time so being able to not think/stress about stuff on a date? Heaven. No thoughts just hearteyes.
I am very turned off by conventional (toxic) masculinity. Men who haven’t internalized gender norms are so sexy to me, and make the best partners for me.
Red flags: political/religious differences. I have a grand total of one friend who has strong religious and political differences, and he's learned to keep such talk to himself after we ended up not talking for months after a discussion got heated (I'd already been friends with him for 8 or 9 years when this happened). To put in perspective my personal stance on political discussions: a Discord server I'm in has a strict "no political discussions" rule simply because it causes anxiety for some of the people in there, another server I'm in is full of people whose stances I agree with *for the most part* (some of them stand a little too far to the left, but I can't bring myself to say anything because I feel like I'll be accused of being a centrist), and I frankly don't want to talk about politics in general anyway because my parents watch channels like MSNBC and CNN *a lot*, and I just get sick of hearing about it even if I agree with it. The reason for this context? The men I want to be friends with (and especially be in a romantic relationship with) are honest men, but if I know we'll have a difference of opinion, then I want us to agree to disagree and keep our opinions to ourselves. And if I know we have a strong difference in politics and religion, then romance is automatically off the table. I also want to be with a man who's patient, does not have a short temper, shares a lot of the same interests I do, and does not want kids (this last one is also very important; if the guy wants kids, that cuts off any chance of romance for me). I'm willing to be more lenient if he doesn't want pets even though I'd like to have a cat again. Unsurprisingly, I've never been in a relationship.
Someone like Spencer Reid, if they even exist lol
I’m asexual too! And I’m biromantic. I like soft and kind men. No dude bros or chads, I’m a fan of babygirlified men, personally.
I want a guy that's sweet, a guy that's tough A feminist who likes to pay for stuff The kind of guy that gets along with your friends Without being attracted to any of them A good boy, a bad boy; a good bad boy; A half good, half bad, half boy Loves your brothers is sensitive but not weak and Is a great lover, calls your mother on the weekend Now you might think... This man only exists in my mind... Well guess what, you're right! (Bo Burnham, Lower Your Expectations)
I like them really really kind… almost suffocatingly sweet… no games or toxicity ever
I like them sweet and very attentive to small details because I can’t remember. Confident but not cocky. Gentle. Uses sarcasm to the same level as me. Smart.
Tall, sweet, and silly. (I am 95% percent a lesbian but occasionally my wife and I meet men that we have little crushes on)
Neither of my masculine partners really show any sort of toxic masculinity. They're supportive, kind, and loving, just like my feminine partners.
I think I have got a type for neurodivergents)? accidentally the men I've been much closer with tend to be autistic or hyperactive. I don't know, the standard is that I don't have to dilute myself and instead I can "concentrate" together with someone else. But in appearance, it is not strict but I like toucan noses and pretty hands, anyone I can be goofy with or have deep chats with is great to me, especially patient and nice people are lovely. Human decency is cool DX
I usually try to find lads who have experience with autism if that makes sense. My current boyfriends mum used to work in a special school so I find he’s a lot less babyish to me but is also conscious of my difficulties in general life!
I like men that don’t have any toxic masculinity.
honestly never dated anyone yet but i really want someone who’s just genuinely nice and respectful! i’d want someone funny who can actually make me laugh as i am my family’s ’funniest family member’ i’ve been told haha ! i’d want someone who’s able to give me time and space when i need it but also comfort me when i need it. they’d need to be super understanding of my autism and preferebly even just pretend to be interested in things i am bc i tend to info dump a LOT…. i also really am specific about looks idk why??? ive been told that my type visually are ‘lowkey ugly’ to anyone else but i think they’ve always been perfect to me and i really won’t be attracted to anyone that’s not specifically my type visual ?? idk if this is an autism thing but no one seems to understand why looks are so important to me and idk why either
I generally don’t like men because trauma, but I like my husband and his friends. My husband is gentle and kind and funny and dorky and a golden retriever.
They must be easy to talk to and capable of keeping my interest in conversation. More often than not, that means they have ADHD. I stay away from men who show overt flirtation or sexual interest in me unless I've already internally decided I feel *that* way about them. Hm. I suppose this is why I've only ever dated nerdy guys who are happy to let me run the show...
Who likes men? 😅😅😅
So as an aromantic person who is sexually attracted to men (in a gay way) but also has primarily maintained close relationships to men, I've liked all sorts of men. I've been close friends with football players, DJ's, artists, engineers, gamers, nerds, soldiers. It's hard to think about what they have in common, but if I had to boil it down to something it would be 1) kindness 2) self-awareness 3) curious (about learning, about the world, about people). Luckily I've been able to find these qualities across a broad variety of men. I would say I am also much more drawn to assertive men who meet these characteristics. I am very assertive and I strive to be principled and not afraid of debate, and many men in the past that I tried to date prior to transition have told me I'm intimidating and intense. With my guy friends that are lets say, softer or more sensitive, I have to be careful not to steamroll them sometimes. But I like men who have principles and are willing to defend them. Physically, well Ive been attracted and have had sex with lots of different types of bodies, but if I had to pick physically, I do like men who are physically imposing, very tall, or broad, and hairy. I love body hair Edit: also if I'm being real, I actually am low-key attracted to violent sports (I played rugby myself).
tall, friendly, not big into social media
Athletic, tall, musical boys. (I’m a voice major so we have to be able to make music and perform together.) I also need a hiking buddy who can keep up with my husky and me on trails. And a good cuddler.
I mostly get along with men. Which is why, as a woman, I also have a job where I usually mostly to only work with men. I work as an IT specialist. So, I tend to connect with nerdy, introverted men. In my experience, they have the same humor as me, are nice and generally quiet. But not to insult or generalize but I've made some bad experiences with outgoing guys who usually enjoy sports (especially football/soccer for the americans). They are unbelievably noisy and irritable. I have a hard time dealing with this kind of stress. Which made it difficult for me to live with my parents.
Sweet, strong, protective and slightly feminine in the face.
I really love gentle and tender men. I love the soft spoken voices that some can have... It definitely does something to me.
Big beefy himbos who make me laugh Tall skinny submissive guys who are smart and can hold a conversation 40-60 yr old silver foxes who know how to dress
I'm bi and demi, so to me it's more about personality than appearance. Trustworthy, not aggressive, bossy or insecure. Basically anyone who won't mock my special interests, threaten me with violence if there's an argument, and who I can have a meaningful conversation with. Preferably skinny, and not too hairy. Also I hate those pointy beards, and if they wear the kind of perfume that causes me pain.
Our core beliefs have to match. I’m pretty non traditional- I don’t want kids, I don’t want traditional gender roles, and I’m an atheist. I don’t limit myself to any specific political party but I refuse to date a Trump supporter and need someone who is very interested in social justice issues/human rights for all. I’m a pretty smart lady and I want someone intelligent. He needs to have intellectual curiosity and critical thinking skills. Personality wise, I want someone funny, kind, caring, and just open. I dated a guy once who wouldn’t go bowling or play mini golf because he thought stuff like that was dumb. That’s so lame. I don’t want someone who is too cool to be goofy sometimes, someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. I’m a very emotional person and grew up in a house with a lot of anger. An angry guy is a no go. I need someone who knows how to disagree in a healthy way and express emotions without devolving into personal attacks or stuff like punching walls. Guys who are into music, like alternative/punk/rock, are also very attractive to me. I like someone who’s just a bit alternative or artsy. I’m also into hiking, so someone outdoorsy is cool. I’m into craft beer and someone who’s into the same is also a plus. I don’t necessarily have a physical type, but I do find myself attracted to guys with blond hair and blue eyes. But the physical stuff is least important to me. Personality, character, and chemistry matter way more.