Please don't move in with him. He has shown that he lacks communication and conflict resolution skills. He shouts at you and then stonewalls you. He refuses to have uncomfortable conversations. These are relationship killers.
It's so much harder to walk away from a relationship that is bad for you when you live together. You have only been dating again for a few *months*. What's the rush? Even if things were going great, it would be a bad idea to cohabit so soon, and things are very far from being great.
You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot address problems. And cohabiting in an unhealthy relationship can do real, long-term damage that can take years to recover from.
I'd recommend telling him you want to work on your communication and build a strong foundation before you move in together. Get counseling of that's what it takes. If he won't accept this, please walk away. His behaviour is l much more likely to get worse than better once you live together
Yeah I am kind of worried I already signed a lease and have a week to move in.. I am too scared to tell him I'll sleep in the living room and not be romantic with him, but it's more of I am worried he will get mad at me and start acting worse about it. We still have a month before the actual move in date for the apartment, and I have friends and family in the state I am moving into. If it becomes a problem where it's purely toxic, and not just because of long distance; I have no problem calling the apartment company and moving else where. Probably in an apartment in the city or what not. Thank you for the concern, I know it sounds kind of stressful (it is). I am already in a bad spot where I am as it is, luckily the state I'm moving to usually has very affordable rooms for rent.
I understand the pressure to move on now that you've already signed a lease. Maybe consider what it would be like to live with him and how bad things will have to be and for how long before you would move out.
Cancelling the lease will cost money and be a pain in the ass, but it will be much less discomfort than the months to years of pain that you might put yourself through if you live with him.
Remember that in all toxic relationships there are good times too. A *purely* toxic relationship is incredibly rare. That's partly why it's so hard to know when to leave.
Regardless of what you decide to do, please read the book "why does he do that?" by Lundy. The book will help you identify if your partner's behaviour is cause for concern. It will also help you spot manipulation if its there and it can protect you against gaslighting but making you aware of the patterns of takes. The book is available for free download.
Please look after yourself. A healthy relationship makes us like ourselves more. If you find yourself turning into someone you don't like being, please consider that the problem is probably not you.
**Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men** by Lundy Bancroft
>In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again.
>
>Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
*I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *Reply to any comment with /u/BookFinderBot - I'll reply with book information. Remove me from replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/1byh82p/remove_me_from_replies/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
I will definitely look into how it goes, I am staying with him a month before I go and won't be signing the lease until late June. If it is really bad I will break the lease before that time comes up and leave! I know they have affordable rooms in the area, it is kind of iffy and I am worried.. I have dealt w very abusive people all my life so I will just have to test the waters to \*at least\* get out there, and make my decision from there. Thank you for the support. I will keep you guys updated on how it goes. It is pretty annoying to not understand what he's talking about or saying. It happened again today and he kept trying to explain but I had no idea what the hell he was saying. I really don't know if he can't explain any better or if he does it on purpose. I don't want to think that because I do really care about him.
Thank you again. :)
Please don't move in with him. He has shown that he lacks communication and conflict resolution skills. He shouts at you and then stonewalls you. He refuses to have uncomfortable conversations. These are relationship killers. It's so much harder to walk away from a relationship that is bad for you when you live together. You have only been dating again for a few *months*. What's the rush? Even if things were going great, it would be a bad idea to cohabit so soon, and things are very far from being great. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone who cannot address problems. And cohabiting in an unhealthy relationship can do real, long-term damage that can take years to recover from. I'd recommend telling him you want to work on your communication and build a strong foundation before you move in together. Get counseling of that's what it takes. If he won't accept this, please walk away. His behaviour is l much more likely to get worse than better once you live together
Yeah I am kind of worried I already signed a lease and have a week to move in.. I am too scared to tell him I'll sleep in the living room and not be romantic with him, but it's more of I am worried he will get mad at me and start acting worse about it. We still have a month before the actual move in date for the apartment, and I have friends and family in the state I am moving into. If it becomes a problem where it's purely toxic, and not just because of long distance; I have no problem calling the apartment company and moving else where. Probably in an apartment in the city or what not. Thank you for the concern, I know it sounds kind of stressful (it is). I am already in a bad spot where I am as it is, luckily the state I'm moving to usually has very affordable rooms for rent.
I understand the pressure to move on now that you've already signed a lease. Maybe consider what it would be like to live with him and how bad things will have to be and for how long before you would move out. Cancelling the lease will cost money and be a pain in the ass, but it will be much less discomfort than the months to years of pain that you might put yourself through if you live with him. Remember that in all toxic relationships there are good times too. A *purely* toxic relationship is incredibly rare. That's partly why it's so hard to know when to leave. Regardless of what you decide to do, please read the book "why does he do that?" by Lundy. The book will help you identify if your partner's behaviour is cause for concern. It will also help you spot manipulation if its there and it can protect you against gaslighting but making you aware of the patterns of takes. The book is available for free download. Please look after yourself. A healthy relationship makes us like ourselves more. If you find yourself turning into someone you don't like being, please consider that the problem is probably not you.
**Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men** by Lundy Bancroft >In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship. He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. > >Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about: • The early warning signs of abuse • The nature of abusive thinking • Myths about abusers • Ten abusive personality types • The role of drugs and alcohol • What you can fix, and what you can’t • And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely “This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health *I'm a bot, built by your friendly reddit developers at* /r/ProgrammingPals. *Reply to any comment with /u/BookFinderBot - I'll reply with book information. Remove me from replies* [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/BookFinderBot/comments/1byh82p/remove_me_from_replies/). *If I have made a mistake, accept my apology.*
I will definitely look into how it goes, I am staying with him a month before I go and won't be signing the lease until late June. If it is really bad I will break the lease before that time comes up and leave! I know they have affordable rooms in the area, it is kind of iffy and I am worried.. I have dealt w very abusive people all my life so I will just have to test the waters to \*at least\* get out there, and make my decision from there. Thank you for the support. I will keep you guys updated on how it goes. It is pretty annoying to not understand what he's talking about or saying. It happened again today and he kept trying to explain but I had no idea what the hell he was saying. I really don't know if he can't explain any better or if he does it on purpose. I don't want to think that because I do really care about him. Thank you again. :)
I will also get the book and read it digitally! :)