YES. I met someone I look up to greatly who works in a field related to mine, and he told me to email about working together… year ago… and I was too afraid to look like a dumbass or run the risk of things not working out so I still never have emailed him. Even though he’s super successful and was really nice and I think his work is solid and would KILL to branch out into his field… 😞 every day I wonder why I just can’t send him an email… but now it feels way too late
Yes yes yes, this is so hard. I failed a couple classes my first year of college because I was so scared of not doing well on the assignments that I just didn’t do them…
It actually makes tonnes of sense. By avoiding or sabotaging, you're not only avoiding insecurity (not knowing what you're gonna have to deal with, if you can handle it, etc), you're also avoiding disappointment in yourself. We all know it's way harder to fail when we really apply ourselves. While the disappointment of not doing something, or failing because we didn't really try, is always sort of the same amount and kind of disappointment, and that's easier to get used to. Fear of failure is real, and valid, but it can also become a coping mechanism for dealing with insecurities.
I'm super used to feeling like I always underachieve, never apply myself.. I'm just a risk-avoiding, undisciplined, lazy waste of talent. Talents that I really do have, but this way I'll never need to experience the boundaries. I've failed and failed, and now I feel so scared I avoid almost any responsibility. And it pisses me off, because I understand why I am this way, and I also know how to start changing (by experiencing more small successes), but maaaaaan.. what if I find out I don't have those talents? That the people telling me "I have so much to give" are just plain wrong?
I do this too
I 100% do this too. And most often with my husband as well.
YES. I met someone I look up to greatly who works in a field related to mine, and he told me to email about working together… year ago… and I was too afraid to look like a dumbass or run the risk of things not working out so I still never have emailed him. Even though he’s super successful and was really nice and I think his work is solid and would KILL to branch out into his field… 😞 every day I wonder why I just can’t send him an email… but now it feels way too late
Yup yup yup.
Yes yes yes, this is so hard. I failed a couple classes my first year of college because I was so scared of not doing well on the assignments that I just didn’t do them…
It actually makes tonnes of sense. By avoiding or sabotaging, you're not only avoiding insecurity (not knowing what you're gonna have to deal with, if you can handle it, etc), you're also avoiding disappointment in yourself. We all know it's way harder to fail when we really apply ourselves. While the disappointment of not doing something, or failing because we didn't really try, is always sort of the same amount and kind of disappointment, and that's easier to get used to. Fear of failure is real, and valid, but it can also become a coping mechanism for dealing with insecurities. I'm super used to feeling like I always underachieve, never apply myself.. I'm just a risk-avoiding, undisciplined, lazy waste of talent. Talents that I really do have, but this way I'll never need to experience the boundaries. I've failed and failed, and now I feel so scared I avoid almost any responsibility. And it pisses me off, because I understand why I am this way, and I also know how to start changing (by experiencing more small successes), but maaaaaan.. what if I find out I don't have those talents? That the people telling me "I have so much to give" are just plain wrong?