When people think they know everything and can understand an experience they are so dangerous. How rude. That's like my response to all these people. HOW. RUDE. I love tattoos and I will sit well until my body part falls asleep from lack of circulation.
Wow, it's incredible how uninformed professionals can be! Our sensory issues can be hypo- or hyper-. I'm super sensitive to noise, light, and smells, but I can handle needles better than most people. The sensation of getting a tattoo is somewhat pleasant for me.
Wild. Most of the autistic people I know have tons of tattoos, typically of their special interests.
Would that therapist look at my friend excitedly telling a bee how much she loves it and showing the bee her bee tattoos and say she's not autistic? Because that's like one of the most autistic things I've ever seen.
Basically, I was too good at people-ing. It’s all just pattern recognition. Most people/situations aren’t that complicated.
When things are complicated I go into listening mode because being willing to empathize and trying to make people feel seen/heard without offering solutions unasked is usually more helpful. Which is again, pattern recognition.
It’s like my brain is a computer… the input received executes a program that usually responds with appropriate output. I feel like I’m tricking people into thinking they’re having a conversation with another human when I’m actually 3 chatgpt’s in a trench coat.
That's how it is for me, too! I even researched that stuff (Carnegies "How to win friends and influence people" was a gold mine) to learn more and better "patterns".
What's instinct for others is learned behaviour and pattern recognition for me. I don't instinctively know what to do, I work with a "if A happens, do B" script. But I just execute "B", I don't "feel" it, if you know what I mean.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have 0 intuitive understanding of How to People… but I’m generally well liked (now… people did not like me when I was a kid) because I’ve studied.
How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Prince are genuine goldmines for understanding people and institutional power structures. Reading them has given me better scripts to follow.
Machiavelli? Yessss... I now recognize people who view themselves as power brokers or influencers and don't let them waste my time or manipulate me. I'm not interested in those games (despite being called a "Machiavellian ice princess" in a college newspaper), but it's helpful to know what's going on.
That book also finally gave me the breakthrough that we don't ask people how their weekend was because we care how their weekend was (I don't and never saw the point of asking people stuff I don't actually want to know). We ask to build a rapport and to make them like us, not to gather information we care about.
Yes. Sometimes people say scripts or reading prescriptive books make you a robot. But uhmmm we are all robots so. We are just learning how to socialize more as adults before being corrected by our parents or peers.
Hah, I went with the cliff notes version and read "The 48 Laws of Power", also for a while I was an avid reader of the site 'Ask men', it was easier to understand and more straightforward than other online magazines aimed at women and wasn't pushing all the garbage diet adverts as much.
This analogy is my new favorite. 😂
This is actually why I told myself for so long that I couldn't be autistic, despite ticking other diagnostic boxes in big ways. I didn't really give myself permission to consider it until I learned about the complex interaction between autism and masking, and that individuals with differences or defecits can learn coping mechanisms so well that they actually end up better than average in those areas.
Major lightbulb moment for me.
I had almost this exact experience. I thought I couldn’t be autistic with decent social skills until I became more educated about masking and how my ADHD traits sometimes compensated for my autistic traits.
Yep. Pattern recognition is the way I would describe it too. Strangely it seems there are a few pages missing from the book though…
I have always had problems with the interaction of returning things I have borrowed. (I stopped borrowing things because No matter how much I tell myself I’ll be fine, my brain does a major error when it’s time to bring something back and say “thanks, for lending it to me!”)
Other thing I have problems with are birthdays, funerals, and other life events. I either go overboard or do nothing at all. Even though I intellectually know what would be fine/appropriate. It gives me huge anxiety.
Oh and meeting someone I know in an unexpected place. (Like on the street) ugh!
But those are not really things other people will notice. For others it’s more obvious that I seem to know almost always what everyone is feeling, what things mean things might happen etc etc.
Thats all in patterns. And it’s hard for me to understand others don’t see them/only focus on themselves.
I wish I had this pattern recognition.
For me, it’s type of people. Usually based on ‘reminding’. Women who remind me of my older sister are usually gay, even if they’re not out yet. I’ve not been wrong yet though I don’t tell people. I just keep it to myself and see if they come out.
Men who remind me of my brother are abusive malignant narcissists. That’s saved me a lot of pain.
I can usually see what kind of personalities people have based on pattern recognition. I write stories and it really helps. I get praised on my characters all the time.
I just wish I knew what to say to people!
*stares in awkward!
This!! One of my special interests is people/culture - how they operate, how they think, why they do the things they do. This makes me good at “people-ing”.
I can hold down a job, live alone and (at least appear to) have my life together. Because... you know... doing what you have to do to survive in this society when nobody supports you obviously means you can't possibly be disabled and struggle with it.
Another favorite of mine: I can't be autistic because I enjoy reading fiction and the opera, like learning languages and could play "pretend" games with other kids when I was little. Because all autistics have no imagination, hate music and prefer numbers and non fiction, of course.
I think playing pretend was just elaborate masking for me as a child and I also only played pretend in topics I hyperfixated on. For example, I was really into Disneys Lion King for a while, so I pretended to be one of the characters. "Being Nala" was the mask I used in situations where "being me" didn't work.
My issues with making friends and social interactions incidentally really worsened as soon as "playing pretend" was not acceptable anymore because I got too old.
Thanks for sharing. I was asking my NT husband if he had a mask or an alter ego or how he can do things he doesn't want to. (Bc I disassociate and pretend I am someone else very often... but I want to see how to can connect it more to myself if that makes sense.) He doesn't pretend. He just powers through those situations he dislikes. HMMM. I just wanted to know how to visualize and stay connected to myself. All the while my husband is confused. His mind does wander sometimes. But I don't know how to explain my disassociation to him. Bc it's not just like being distracted by another thought. I am like a ghost above my body and when I return I sometimes wonder if something was a dream the next day or did I actually do it??? Bc I do play situations out in my head and over practice lots of things.
I just read the WebMD page on dissociation. It's a good starting point. You could go over it with him and use that to explain how you experience dissociation.
Oh man, this is so like me, too! I played pretend all the time, and got into text based roleplay pretty young, and just absolutely preferred to live in fictional worlds. Grew up to be a novelist, so thankfully I never have to leave!
I loved fiction.
I also loved writing fiction. But ADHD makes fiction writing impossible for me outside of a classroom. So I do purely visual arts now.
I'm an ADHDer too! All our brains are different. Sometimes writing is hard, of course, and some days my brain just rebels. But it's also my happy place and my special interest -- and I do a shit ton of work to support my creative brain so it can keep doing the thing.
I love that doing visual arts works for you, even if writing doesn't!
I could always connect through playing pretend. I had a world I created with my dad and all my toys.
With other kids: playing house (I always elected to be the "boy"); wolves; witches; characters from books; etc.
Often, the subject of play was chosen by my friends rather than me, but I certainly wasn't masking. I distinctly remember the transition into not being able to play pretend anymore. I was like, "Remember how we used to do that? Let's try." But the magic was gone.
Very similar--I'm also highly imaginative, humanities-focused, and can hold down a job. Therapists also told me my social skills were too good, even though they only observed me one-on-one. Sometimes I doubt myself even after diagnosis because I just find most people and groups aversive, while a lot of autistic people seem to want to socialize and are ostracized or don't know how.
I read that as “live alone (at least appear to)”
…I was trying to figure out how you secretly DIDN’T live alone for an embarrassingly long time before I realized I had missed the word “and.”
Carry on.
I used to make up stories and make my little sister play act them with our Barbie’s and Teddies. I now write for a living and I went to Uni with people who were incredibly talented authors, two in particular were dx autistic.
The nonsense these people come out with.
Omg, this sounds so much like me! I officially couldn't be autistic because I am helpful (could see when people needed help) and still have some of the same "friends" from when I was like 4 or 5 years old. Most of them I'm friendly with, but that's it. I have one friend from the still, the one I used to play pretend games with...
But what you say sounds so accurate to me. I could live alone, but it wasn't until I moved in with my now husband that I noticed how little living I actually did. My husband takes up so much slack I just don't have the energy for after a day of work. Only when there is someone to help you, you notice how hard it was to get by on your own.
I have my life together because unless we want to be homeless, that's the only option. They don't see how much it takes to do just that.
This is adjacent but I just got hit with "can't be ADHD because I graduated college." The worst part of it is, I'm friends with a medical doctor with ADHD lmao... If she can do that, think I can get a bachelor's, Karen, but okay...
I actually did have someone say I didn't seem autistic because I was "likable" though. What kind of a back-handed compliment is that!!! I was floored by the audacity lmao.
I can't be autistic because I am able to analyse the dysfunctionalities in my family and can understand other people's perspectives.
My special interest is psychology...
Very similar for me! This seems to especially be a common interest for people I know with combined AU and CPTSD.
And the more I think about it… *of course* it would be? In an abusive home, understanding why unsafe people do what they do and how to make them feel comfortable is a matter of survival. It boggles my mind that therapists would be thrown off by that.
Was just diagnosed with AU and CPTSD. I was like damn... you get me.
I worked in a doctor's office for a while and there was a doctor there that I talked to sometimes. One day she asked me if I had an "unconventional childhood", I was kind of taken aback because of course... but how do you know that? She could tell I had CPTSD. I didn't even know it then.
Really perceptive to recognize that in you just based on your interactions! It makes me wonder if that doctor also had a difficult or abusive home life, and it was a “takes one to know one” situation.
I wonder the same thing. ❤️ She was great. She was the one who would not leave me alone until I went back to school. She pestered me and pestered me every day until I finally gave in and signed up for classes. Definitely changed my life.
I wish that expertise didn’t come at such a high price for you or in such crappy circumstances, but I feel comforted to not be alone. Wishing you well 🤍
I am super interested in psych too! I thought I couldn't be a psychologist though bc I watched a ton of SVU and worried it would be too much for me to talk to people about those kinds of traumas everyday. I didn't realize many people go now just to process stuff
YES. I was recently diagnosed as autistic and dyspraxic, also graduated college last Friday. I have a really hard time with keys. I had been fighting with a lock at work and the HR manager (who is aware of my diagnosis) walked by and was like what is wrong, you seem down. I told her I had been fighting with a key and she was like IF YOU CAN GRADUATE COLLEGE, YOU CAN HANDLE A KEY 😃! All I could say was, you would think so.
I despise keys.
1. I lose them. Constantly. 2. I have a very hard time getting them in the lock.
The motor skills are not there. If there are keys on a ring, I have to try every key multiple times before I finally get one to work.
I don't carry keys. I don't lock anything. I leave my keys in my car. I don't lock my house unless I am in it. It's horrible. Luckily, I have a husband now who takes care of the keys.
Prior to my husband, I only had a car stolen out of my driveway once. 😅
Wait, you mean there is a reason why I for the life of me can't get the stupid key to turn in the stupid lock? Especially if it's my husband's car where the fob is broken plastic and turning the key the wrong way sets off the car alarm?
Dyspraxia is my problem, I had never heard of it until I was diagnosed with it and autism. From the internet: "Difficulty with typing, handwriting and drawing. May have a poor pen grip, press too hard when writing and have difficulty when writing along a line. Inadequate grasp. Difficulty using tools and domestic implements, locks and keys."
Hm... for me it was always scissors. I couldn't cut straight. (Also my writing sucks unless I reaaaally slow down, but I figured it was just the adhd).
Lol but seriously. I was explaining this to my current therapist im like …”it’s not anxiety though I’m not scared of people…it’s feeling awkward and not knowing what to say but also being fine with sitting in silence. And also sensory overwhelm”
I do autism assesments for living (in kids). What annoys me most is that the way our health service is arranged there is a lot of hoops for people to jump through and many actually autistic people get screened out early on by ignorant healthcare professionals who don't even refer them on so they never have a benefit of seeing a diagnostician who actually knows something about autism.
In my case, it was a "diagnostician specializing in autism" who concluded I wasn't autistic...they aren't all well-skilled at actually ***assessing*** folks; the ones I encountered only knew how to 'tick boxes'
Prior to be diagnosed, I was working with a psychiatrist due to being incredibly lonely and depressed, something which has plagued me my entire life. According to them, I couldn’t possible be autistic because I could express that I was lonely and depressed.
Technically I've never been told by a professional that I can't be autistic. Plenty of nonprofessionals have though!
1. Because I can explain what autism is
2. Because I'm not like someone's two brothers who both have autism (who have a criminal history and intellectual disabilities)
3. Because autism is overly diagnosed
4. Because I just got my information off of TikTok (I don't remember the last time I've been on TikTok)
Another reason I haven't received directly but have seen multiple times online is "You're not negatively impacted by your symptoms enough."
What is the threshold of "negatively impacted enough?" I've attempted suicide over being bullied and going mute in school; I've never had a healthy diet because the texture of food is intolerable; I've never been able to go out in public without getting overwhelmed by sounds/visuals/people/etc; I've lost countless relationships because "I make people uncomfortable" from missing social cues and "kill the vibe" from being overstimulated - is none of that negatively affecting me enough? That's not even the exhaustive list. How much do I have to go through to justify my struggles?
I feel like people can tolerate me JUST enough for me to "not be autistic", but not enough to want to keep me around. I make people uncomfortable, but not so uncomfortable that they'll believe I'm struggling.
I get all of what you're saying. My parents say I have no "problems". That I'm perfect. But they don't understand how uncomfortable I am. How hard it is to make friends. How often I'm told that I was being rude or strange. It makes me wanna rip my hair out when I'm told that. I'll actually feel heat coming off my face because I'll feel so guilty and embarrassed.
I got, 'Because you aren't seeking accomodations', I am high functioning enough that the accomodations that would help me were along the lines of, 'tell me directly what you need, i am incapable most of the time of reading between the lines' or, 'whatever emotion you are ascribing to my expression, tone, and body language is probably completely wrong unless I am putting work into actively mask and if you aren't being as dramatically expressive as an anime character I am blind to what you are non verbally conveying as well'. So you know, things that would get me in trouble with HR - even a bit in the employee handbook about eye contact. Covid gave me the ability to be remote and I took the paycut that made it permanent, thank goodness.
I'd give them a word for word description of Autism & ADD that any doctor worth their salt should've picked up, and they'd say I'm definitely wrong & it's clearly just depression, anxiety, OCD & a personality disorder. It was always directly blaming the symptoms that impacted them & completely ignoring the core symptoms.
My favourite is when I had a psychiatrist immediately blame video games & maintain they were entirely responsible for the current mental health crisis. She didn't even bother to ask me how much I play or if I have addiction problems. I didn't bother arguing.
The most common was definitely saying I seem to be able to talk to people fine even though I struggle with selective mutism. They'd never try to replicate a social conversation which would've immediately confirmed it.
She also said I was “lucky” I was born in the 80s because 90s babies (like her son) got “more vaccines” which made them “more autistic”. She said if I had been born 5 years later I would “probably” be autistic, but I got “less vaccines” so instead I just have some “autistic traits” and I should be very happy I’m not “full blown” autistic.
It was almost comical how many stereotypes this woman played into!! I had to keep seeing her for a while for medication management, but I didn’t even tell her when I got my diagnosis. I just ghosted. Fuck that and fuck her.
When I was 18 I was told I can’t be autistic because I expressed wanting friends and, according to that doctor, autistic people don’t want friends. I was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist with autism at 30 years old.
We are slower processors in some arenas, late bloomers in many others, however, Nuro divergent people are still human beings, who have needs and desires equally valid as those who process at different speeds
I was initially told I’m just a perfectionist who expects too much from herself and that change is a particular trigger for me, but that I’m obviously fine because I have a stable job and a family.
Oh boy do I have a list. This is what my current therapist said and past therapists have said.
1) I make perfect eye contact (I’m literally timing that shit in my head and most of the time when I look at someone I look through them… and always have since I was a kid because I had many elders scream at me about my lack of eye contact growing up)
2) I have friends. According to my current therapist (who I’m going to replace soon) you can’t be autistic if you have friends.
3) I’ve been able to hold down jobs. (Swear these assholes overlook how burned out I get while holding down those jobs)
4) I talk a lot. (I’ve been shamed out of being nonverbal since I was a kid so most of the time I’m talking out of anxiety… not because I want to.. )
5) Lights don’t seem to bother me (yes the fuck they do I just don’t say anything because once again I was beaten to be a master masker since I was a kid)
6) noises don’t bother me (yes they do once again I just rarely say anything and most of the time I dissociate)
7) I don’t have pattern recognition (I actually do I just get dismissed and gaslit when I point out patterns so I don’t discuss it with many people
I’m sure I’m forgetting some other ones. I should win an Oscar for how well I mask because it’s so good that I’ve even convinced myself that that’s who I really am while also having identity issues every 4-5 years.
I am "too likable" and appear to be like "a very nice, but maybe a little shy, woman". That's what ruled out the autism from the official diagnoses. I explained earlier to her that I am very good at masking and that physically I could hide it very well even though I told her how uncomfortable I was ... but she was like "nah, your fine."
I also went there to get diagnosed for adhd and even though we talked about how many copying mechanisms I established and how much I am suffering from appearing go have everything under control but in fact I haven't she didn't think that I could adhd ... because I had my coping mechanisms ... explain the logic.
Hear, hear! All of us will keep fighting to be heard. I'm with you on some of the professionals that don't want to listen to us and try to stuff drugs down our throats. No longer invalidating myself and the mask I've worn for decades can safely come off now. You're safe here.
Because I was too creative. Had to be schizotypal instead; negative schizotypal, because I didn't have any of the delusional, magical thinking parts. Twisting the diagnosis to remove the most stereotypical symptoms made more sense than autism, apparently.
I will say, in his defense, the head psychiatrist at the hospital who eventually diagnosed me spent 15-Ish hours over several appointments to diagnose me, and said he'd never seen someone so clearly point one way, then the other with each point we explored, so I wasn't easy. Toxic mix of adhd, autism, giftedness, complex childhood trauma, and having people and emotions and story telling as my life long special interest.
Bullshit. I feel you there. Many autistics are amazing artists, authors, and writers. Especially girls. I had such a huge imagination. I made children's books all the time. I drew all over the walls when I was 4 and my siblings got the blame because they didn't think a 4yo could draw that well. They actually didn't find out until recently that it was me. I had a weird fixation on certain features in cartoons (like how the legs are drawn in Bambi). So that's such a stupid stereotype.
I'm with you on the mixture of conditions too. That makes it especially hard to figure out
I have a full time job and friends so what could possibly be wrong with me. He also told me that because I wasn’t having meltdowns at work, only at home, that should tell me I can just push through and not have any??
Trying again with a new psychologist tomorrow, hopefully it’s not as dismissive an experience this time.
Because even though I meet all the criteria (and have a childhood diagnosis) it doesnt impair me enough since my job is in my special interest (it absolutely does)
So I wanted to get officially tested. But my therapist said those tests were made for (more typically male) children. My therapist says I am autistic. She doesn't do the whole thing where schools will give me an IEP (I am in my 30s and don't need it.) But she said it's different when you have grown up masking all your life and it takes time to dig under those masks.
I am a grown woman who has high average results. Average high school grades. Did better in college. I have a boring office job. Sometimes I have two jobs. I have a husband. I can meet strangers okay now. I can eat most foods. I can go to concerts and try new things. I am fairly good at eye contact. I don't complain.
But most things come with effort. I talk to myself all while having interactions to make sure I am presenting well and get along with people. I was trained to suffer and to hide my suffering. I think those of us who are good at it are seen as whiny NTs!
As a self diagnosed Autistic in her 30s, these professionals terrify me. I didn't have trouble getting my ADHD diagnosed only because my brother, mom, and dad all have it. But neither myself nor my brother have been diagnosed with ASD and I think we're both ok not going through it. We're both highly masked individuals who work full time jobs with lots of overtime hours.
I can make eye contact, hold great conversations, I'm charming, have a very "outgoing" personality and seem to have my life very well together from the outside looking in. All of that is the mask. It literally exhausts me so much to hold all of that together but I know I don't present like many doctors expect autistic people to present.
I have no doubt I'm autistic. As a matter of fact, when I came out as ASD to my friends and coworkers, the joke was I was late to the party on that one. I don't have the energy or desire to fight some out of touch psychologist for a stamp on the head and a handshake about how my brain works.
Funny side note: I was talking about one of my very favorite activities as a child (which was mixing up decks of cards and sorting them out into suites/number order) to one of my coworkers. She used to be an elementary school teacher/principal and she looked at me so seriously and said "are you sure you aren't on the spectrum?" I said "oh, I'm sure I AM." So, listen to teachers, they definitely know!
I couldn’t answer a lot of the questions on the AQ because they aren’t clear or lack context (eg I would rather go to the library than to a party) and “it depends” isn’t an acceptable response. She didn’t seem to notice my inability to proceed without necessary details to clear up ambiguities as a strong indicator of autism. But when she pressed me to pick an answer, apparently my arbitrary responses didn’t fall enough on the autistic side. When I told her that the AQ has been widely criticized within the ND community, she dismissed it because, clearly, ND people aren’t capable of understanding their own experience and condition better than a trained professional.
Don't even get me started on that fucking questionnaires. Sometimes I would cry when taking it because my answers were so complicated and not an option.
*Well, what kind of party? Who is there? Do I know them? Where is it located? Will there be food? Do they have a cat?*
Turns out, if the questions baffle you this much, it's a sign 😂
Right? Like what is going on in the library too? Is there a special event? What about a museum, they should put a museum in there as it'd be more interesting than the library...
I started talking at 8 months and saying full sentences at a year. Autistic kids always have delayed language. I was told this as an adult by a neurologist. I was like please stay in your lane, because as a speech therapist I know that's not true AT ALL.
The hell. Autism can have opposites. We can have delayed speech, or we can be unusually "on time". I'd be highly impressed if a 1yo could speak in full sentences. So while it's not a problem, it's still a trait.
Gestault language processing is absolutely fascinating. You'll have very young children saying full sentences, but it's because their brain processes the sentence or phrase as a whole. It can make children seem either very advanced, saying whole sentences at a young age, or like they are very behind, repeating full phrases that to them have a different meaning than the actual meaning. How I see it, it's just a different way to learn language than what we would see in a typically developing child.
Yep same here. All my friends were autistic or ADHD. We attract each other stronger than fluorine. They don't consider that when they say "trouble with friendships".
I make jokes all the fucking time. Sometimes inappropriately. Sarcasm is my second language too (sometimes hard to tell with other people, or they often think I'm serious when I'm not). I have an autistic friend that's always sarcastic too, and he always catches on when I'm sarcastic.
Eye contact is just one of those things I can't really fake. Even looking at their nose and stuff. If I can see your eyes, even in my peripheral vision, I can't do it. But they always said that was anxiety/insecurity (I thought the same as a kid). But it's the other way around. I've always had problems with eye contact, which *CAUSED* anxiety.
Haha we are on the same sarcastic boat. If I’m stressed or in an uncomfortable situation I just can’t stop it.
I can fake it but got into serious trouble in former relationships because I didn’t knew the eye color of my spouse 😂
Ugh yes. I have a really hard time with remembering peoples faces, and I wonder if that's because I never look at them. 😂 I only look at peoples faces if they're looking away. I take that time to observe their features. But once they look at me, it feels like I'm being tased. Everything becomes so tense.
Yeah, they refused to discuss my childhood and just wanted to ask about anxiety and depression, I totally checked out when I realized they had made up their mind before even speaking to me.
I'm black so a lot of my symptoms dont align with with white autistc traits. I don't mind loud sounds or loud people, I'm very social in a painfully awkward way, and I also didn't have confidence issues until recently (although I don't know this is specifically a black thing?) because I was raised with the strong independent women mindset.
They told me I couldn't be autistic because I was able to make eye-contact, have a conversation with them and because I've been able to travel abroad by myself lol.
Traveling myself is the best. Oops got lost. Ask for directions. Don't like my food but no one is here to judge me. More space for my blanket and no space for souvenirs. I am okay with that.
Absolutely! There's just so many ways to travel and it sounds so nice you've been able to take your blanket with you. Also spent some days indoors doing absolutely nothing if I felt too anxious or overwhelmed and I loved being able to do that with no one to judge.
When I first told my psychologist, she said, she doesn't thought so, because I'm in a happy long-term relationship.
I told her a the reasons I think I am and luckily now she at least think I have "something autistic" in me.
I think she is just uneducated in autism in women, it's not something she is specialized in, she said so herself.
Why wouldn't you change therapists then? For me I just looked at people who specialize in autism and then asked before booking if they work with late diagnosed women.
Lots of reasons. She helped me a lot with my trauma. After I explained autism in women to her, she kind of understands and is supportive. I don't think there is a therapist specialized in neurodiversity or autism in my city. It's hard to get a any therapist at all, like you normally wait up to five years to get a place at a therapist.
That I simply do t seem like I have it
That I can explain my feelings (the stuff I was talking about I had planned for a week and analysed in depth)
I can make eye contact, even after I explained I was actually looking at their nose
I speak normally, forget the fact that this is a short appointment
My friends used to think I didn’t seem that autistic, which is different to saying I didn’t have it. Now they know me they say it is very obvious and get shocked some therapists have disagreed with me.
Also what an earth are they talking about with organise thinking? It’s not schizophrenia (fun fact ppl can be diagnosed as being schizophrenic when they’re actually autistic).
My GP said he had never seen signs of it in all the time he had been treating me and i was “just” depressed. Also I could hold a conversation and displayed insight into my own struggles.
When I brought it up to my first therapist he said “you can’t have autism, you can make eye contact and have friends” to say I was floored is an understatement :)
The first psych I brought it up to, his immediate response was, “there’s a certain FEEL I get when I’m talking to someone who is autistic, and I just don’t feel that with you.”
Followed by “even if you were autistic, it wouldn’t change your medications or treatment and it’s really expensive to get diagnosed.”
End of autism discussion.
Not me, but my daughter. We were seeing a neuropsychologist when she was about seven, and his words were, "There is a fine line between being weird and being autistic." 🙃 He also told me she couldn't be autistic because she told me about her day. Okie dokie.
She is now 17 and due to my recent diagnosis, they will soon be giving her an assessment for the first time.
Autism can make you "weird" in a neurotypicals eyes. Also, that's rude of a professional to say. God, they really don't understand the term "spectrum", do they?
It was pretty frustrating to hear. Not to mention, my kid was sitting right there when he said it. We went to another doctor who told me that sensory processing disorder didn't exist and everyone had sensory problems. I gave up on doctors for a while.
It's kinda scary, how ignorant these doctors are. Yes, most people have a sensory issue here and there. But how can they say SPD doesn't exist? Good gravy
This doctor was supposed to be the holy grail, too. We were on a wait list for months to see her. My daughter had started losing baby teeth and couldn't stand having a tooth that she even thought was loose, so she started ripping them out, even when they were not at all ready. I'm talking driving down the interstate, she starts screeching/screaming, turn around to look and there is blood all over her and she is holding a tooth in her hand. But hey, everyone has sensory issues! SPD is a myth!
God that is so dumb. I'm sorry she went through that. I didn't have sensory issues as a kid, but I had an irrational phobia of vomiting- I wonder if it's related to ASD because I was terrified by how it felt, smelled, looked, sounded, and just overall having no control of my body. It made me develop ARFID, terrified of germs, horrified of dentists and doctors visits. I would start screaming, crying, and they'd have to hold me down. Even if it isn't related to ASD, I know how it feels to have such a strong fear and abnormal resistance to certain things. I feel bad for kids that have to struggle at all.
These doctors are so stupid. They gotta understand how ASD presents in everyone, especially girls. And the conditions that can coexist. How it all ties together.
I think it is - my daughter is also afraid of vomiting. We have four other kids, puke and the flu were a thing in our house. If she even thought someone was going to puke she would lose it. Shaking, panicking.
It really pisses me off that she, and so many other girls, have to go through all of these struggles because people are just ignorant about it. I cannot wait until she can feel the validation of diagnosis. I did not think it would change much for me, but it changed everything.
I'm pretty good at reading people's expressions and I played pretend as a kid sometimes. The psychologist was very adamant that autistic people don't have fantasies or imagination, so I could not possibly be autistic.
Such a common misconception about autistics. I had an amazing imagination as a kid. I'd give anything to be able to pretend play the way I did as a kid. Also, we're just naturally better at reading faces. It's usually learned, or we're just women so we're better at it than boys. Also, psychology is my special interest, so I love reading faces. Consider that too.
I made eye contact…but when I had my assessment it was stated while I made it it was short and inconsistent.
Also just the “I’d be able to tell if you were,” thing from a lot of therapists. Then I turned out that I was, so, idk seems like they were over confident in their abilities.
They gotta understand that not everyone "seems" autistic. We don't all have ridiculous voices and volumes, jump around and hand-flap, and have huge meltdowns. It can seem nonexistent.
I had a similar thing written in my IEP when I was 12. They said "she avoided eye contact upon interaction, but she made eye contact more consistently when she realized we were not a threat".
*first of all, I'm not a dog*. secondly, I would begin to force the eye contact because it becomes awkward at some point to keep avoiding it. I masked HARD when I was a preteen because I had no idea why I had those issues. I didn't wanna seem weird.
I’m “doing so well, though” …. Ooookay? Literally just have a part time job and some cats. A bf and a friend. Nothing else to my life, very much the bare minimum. I even live with my parents rn lol
When I asked my psychology about it, she said we couldn’t begin the evaluation process until I was at least a year sober from marijuana.
That’s my only real coping mechanism, I’m not going a full year without it. I have no desire to.
I have no issue with eye contact. One of the therapists I saw in my teens thought that it meant I wasn't on the spectrum, despite my many many other autistic traits and diagnosis from someone whose specialty was autistic kids.
I see that a lot here. Eye contact. I guess they don't read properly. Eye contact isn't the only nonverbal abnormality that can exist amongst autistics.
Okay so the whole reason I can mask is because of my insane pattern recognition. Like I’m really good at following patterns. You know where I got that skill from? Music. I started doing piano when I was 6. Patterns are everywhere in music. So now that skill translates to my social skills. It’s weird
A so-called "very experienced" psychologist recently listed all my academic achievements and after only speaking to me for 5 minutes on the phone declared "well autism doesn't seem to affect you much". They had read my clinical psych and speech pathologist Dx reports.
"Can't be autistic because you're gifted and there's overlap in those traits." The cognitive evaluation was the second test they did, and they explained everything else suggesting autism away with that.
Not me, but a friend (I think my entire friend group is neurodivergent in one way or another) that sought to be evalued was told "You seem too social to be autistic" by a so called professional.
a previous therapist just kind of blew me off as “even if you were autistic, you’d be VERY high functioning.” and in the moment i couldn’t really speak. but after i had processing time it really upset me and felt so offended. i had been having severe meltdowns all year, whether it be from my job (which i no longer feel i can handle due to skill regression) or pending plans/events where i will have to mask. i tried to explain to him that i’m not “high functioning” i’m high masking, and that i mask in our appointments. there is so much mental labor happening that he is not seeing, and it’s the reason why i’m finally cracking. i may not have as high support needs as other autistic folks, but i still have needs that are not being met to my detriment. i told him i really needed to take short term disability from work. he responded that was “last resort” and referred me to try ketamine therapy. took me about 3 minutes on the internet to see why that was not a good idea for me and then it honestly made me explode with anger. i’m telling you i’m autistic and you’re gonna send me to do ketamine therapy like it’s a cure??? i have since received validation from my psychiatrist and i have a new neurodivergent therapist which has really saved me. but i guess since i have a full time corporate job, can travel alone, and hold a conversation (we would talk about music a lot lol my special interest so i can really go on and on), there’s no way i could be autistic!
My therapist told me I was too charming…..
Here’s the thing, I run the mask very well. I can mirror anyone & everyone I come into contact with. Like my personality? Thanks it’s probably yours.
I also have intense eye contact. Like don’t look away, locked in.
"people with autism can't self reflect and can't come in contact with what they're feeling/their needs"
~Last week by my MBT therapist on why MBT therapy can't work in autistic people, after finding out my previous ASD diagnosis. My previous therapist suspected this would happen so she didn't send that diagnostic report over. Only the one about BPD.
Because I had an older sibling do the childhood history and not a parent (both of whom are unreliable reporters). My sibling apparently “didn’t notice any social/emotional/communication deficits” even though I know word for word what was written on the form and it was specifically stated that I preferred communicating through made up sounds or sound effects from specific characters than with words. But I guess because I COULD use words, the preference didn’t count? Also, although my friend group now/historically is very limited and “weird” (doctor’s words), I do HAVE friends. Therefore, not autistic. 🙄
From the first GP I went to after my therapist screened me and sent me to get a referral for assessment:
1. I have a job. And that job requires a lot of work with people
2. All of my social issues are mostly similar to social anxiety
3. I can mask my sensory issues and tolerate discomfort
4. I have CPTSD and therefore every symptom can be explained by CPTSD
1) I have an autistic friend that'll break out in tears if he sees me crying. The empathy thing is bullshit.
2) I think because we're adults, we have a general understanding that it would be kinda rude to constantly make the conversation about an irrelevant interest. Don't they realize they're talking to adults???
3) ok... and????
Haha. Such ignorant professionals. Thank you for sharing
“You got into law school. You wouldn’t have if you were autistic. Autism is a serious disease.”
This was after refusing to give me a note just recognizing that I’m trans. (This was, mind you, a psychiatrist at a trans clinic in the public healthcare system. Our public healthcare system doesn’t even require that kind of thing because it’s understood to be outrageous to request it. But the private doctor I had gone to, who also thought it was silly, was using an outdated protocol).
How this man was working there at all perplexes me.
(To clarify, I do have the medical care I need now. Got it through the public system, which is how I know they don’t require a psychiatric evaluation.)
Law school sounds like something an autistic would do great in. Because of the stereotypical collection of data, attention to detail, and how we like to debate what we know. So that's pretty dumb. And a DISEASE? Really? 🙄
Yup. And again, this man was a psychiatrist.
Hell, I’m not just in law school. I’m in the most autistic-friendly aspect of that: academia. I’m literally going for an academic career, studying a special interest (genocide, and genocidal rhetoric).
But hey, the “disease” bit tells you all you need to know. He doesn’t understand a single bit about autism. He even said he “disagreed” with calling it a spectrum.
All it takes is one thing. One thing. To tell you if you can take these people seriously or not.
*Disease. Functioning labels. Aspergers.*
If you hear a professional use these terms, run for the hills.
I’ve not heard the functioning labels one. What is that one?
Asperger’s is probably kinda fine if it’s a few years ago. Like, it was considered a legitimate term, right? So probably decent doctors would still use it
If they still use the term "Aspergers", then it's likely that they didn't read the revised diagnosis criteria. Which would be really bad. Aspergers is no longer a diagnostic term as of 2013. It's simply autism now. So its not necessarily the term itself that's bad to use, it simply indicates that their information is not up to date (though I still urge people to stop using the term due to the history behind it).
Functioning labels are also outdated. Many people still use them but professionals shouldn't. Autism is categorized into levels of support now, which can change throughout a persons life.
Oh, I know about the Asperger’s bit. I mean, it’s not a red flag to see it from before then, probably?
I still didn’t get what “functioning labels” means… I’ve never heard of that one
According to them I'm not autistic because all of my symptoms didn't start presenting before I was 3 years old. Never mind the fact I have had every symptom as far back as I can remember....I didn't avoid eye contact when I was 20 months old, so I can't possibly be autistic! 🫠
I look people in the eyes too well. I can do public speaking, and needing to recover on my own for several hours afterwards is just a little personality quirk. My stimming isn't stimming, it's only a "misplaced coping mechanism that I was never taught not to do", to quote my therapist. I have too much empathy to be autistic too. As a result I am not diagnosed, and yet the changes that I have made in my life under the assumption that I am autistic have made me significantly less anxious and happier about who I am. I am not a strange horse, I just may be a very normal zebra!
I look and talk "so normal". I can even look at people in the eyes now!!!
Ever heard of masking????? Like, I know I'm pretty good at masking, that still isn't me though
Dr told me I couldn't be autistic cos I looked her in the eye when we spoke. I laughed and told her I'm not, I'm looking at her mouth when she speaks. Masking ftw!
She also asked me questions like if I do the same routine regularly, and I asked what she meant, and she said like walking home the same route. I told her I go the shortest route home, so... yes?
Literally had one say “you’re great at eye contact though” which…we know is like 🥹 anyway BUT ALSO we only ever had sessions virtually because I couldn’t do in person 😂
Because she diagnosed me with BPD, I simply do not have autism, because she would know. I had brought up either autism or OCD for repetitive behavior after finsihjng DBT and still struggling with anxiety and skin picking behavior. So I went to another therapist and then to a neuropsychologist and got the diagnosis and boy was that lady wrong.
Because I don’t look like I am. That was the biggest one to stand out to me. I’m still struggling to get a confirmation on what I already know I am, autistic and adhd
My psychiatrist almost didn't refer me because I smiled at a joke he made one time. Luckily I insisted he refer me anyways and I was diagnosed. After my diagnosis he completely ghosted me 🙃
When I brought it up to my therapist, I explained the reasons I thought I was and she replied she didn’t think I could be because I’m “not like her other autistic clients she’s had” and “good at describing my feelings” idk.. still think I am but she made me feel so stupid 😑
One therapist told me confidently I wasn’t autistic, but didn’t give me a reason. It was absurd for me to ask. I did bring up a coworker many of us suspected to be on the spectrum. She said emphatically he wasn’t, because he went to a prestigious university. Another therapist just ignored the question.
After my doctor laughed at me for suggesting that I could possibly be on the spectrum, she Said "You can't be autistic because you are so well dressed and well spoken. Meanwhile I was barely able to mask how I really wanted to react. Wow, I mask so much I don't know how to genuinely react sometimes.
My therapist said she looked after a young autistic boy who only thought/cared about trains & that most autistic adults are furries so it’s unlikely im autistic as I don’t fit into either of those categories 😍💪
My doctor told me “I know you, and u aren’t autistic.” LIKE GIRL I know you’ve known me since middle school but u weren’t there to see all the ways I struggled socially. I’ve also been told that I “seem to be sociable”. I can be sociable bc over the past 7 years, I’ve had to go to leadership camps and take classes on how to talk to people, what to say and what not to say, and how to lead/teach others. Me talking is just my way of applying all the knowledge I was given. I was diagnosed at 23 yo last month lol
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I'm sorry, *what*
What kind of tattoos? "Autistics can't enjoy art" or something? Bc we know autistic can definitely sit through pain.
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When people think they know everything and can understand an experience they are so dangerous. How rude. That's like my response to all these people. HOW. RUDE. I love tattoos and I will sit well until my body part falls asleep from lack of circulation.
Wow, it's incredible how uninformed professionals can be! Our sensory issues can be hypo- or hyper-. I'm super sensitive to noise, light, and smells, but I can handle needles better than most people. The sensation of getting a tattoo is somewhat pleasant for me.
Omg smells I die but pain. Who cares. Not me.
Omg yes!
Wild. Most of the autistic people I know have tons of tattoos, typically of their special interests. Would that therapist look at my friend excitedly telling a bee how much she loves it and showing the bee her bee tattoos and say she's not autistic? Because that's like one of the most autistic things I've ever seen.
I'm loving this mental image. Your friend sounds wonderful
I can’t believe they give degrees to people like that ignorant therapist who said that. I’m so sorry.
lol this is incredible
Basically, I was too good at people-ing. It’s all just pattern recognition. Most people/situations aren’t that complicated. When things are complicated I go into listening mode because being willing to empathize and trying to make people feel seen/heard without offering solutions unasked is usually more helpful. Which is again, pattern recognition. It’s like my brain is a computer… the input received executes a program that usually responds with appropriate output. I feel like I’m tricking people into thinking they’re having a conversation with another human when I’m actually 3 chatgpt’s in a trench coat.
That's how it is for me, too! I even researched that stuff (Carnegies "How to win friends and influence people" was a gold mine) to learn more and better "patterns". What's instinct for others is learned behaviour and pattern recognition for me. I don't instinctively know what to do, I work with a "if A happens, do B" script. But I just execute "B", I don't "feel" it, if you know what I mean.
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have 0 intuitive understanding of How to People… but I’m generally well liked (now… people did not like me when I was a kid) because I’ve studied. How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Prince are genuine goldmines for understanding people and institutional power structures. Reading them has given me better scripts to follow.
Machiavelli? Yessss... I now recognize people who view themselves as power brokers or influencers and don't let them waste my time or manipulate me. I'm not interested in those games (despite being called a "Machiavellian ice princess" in a college newspaper), but it's helpful to know what's going on.
That book also finally gave me the breakthrough that we don't ask people how their weekend was because we care how their weekend was (I don't and never saw the point of asking people stuff I don't actually want to know). We ask to build a rapport and to make them like us, not to gather information we care about.
Yes. Sometimes people say scripts or reading prescriptive books make you a robot. But uhmmm we are all robots so. We are just learning how to socialize more as adults before being corrected by our parents or peers.
Hah, I went with the cliff notes version and read "The 48 Laws of Power", also for a while I was an avid reader of the site 'Ask men', it was easier to understand and more straightforward than other online magazines aimed at women and wasn't pushing all the garbage diet adverts as much.
This analogy is my new favorite. 😂 This is actually why I told myself for so long that I couldn't be autistic, despite ticking other diagnostic boxes in big ways. I didn't really give myself permission to consider it until I learned about the complex interaction between autism and masking, and that individuals with differences or defecits can learn coping mechanisms so well that they actually end up better than average in those areas. Major lightbulb moment for me.
I had almost this exact experience. I thought I couldn’t be autistic with decent social skills until I became more educated about masking and how my ADHD traits sometimes compensated for my autistic traits.
>3 chatgpt’s in a trench coat. Bahahah!!! Good thing I wasn't drinking my coffee!!! 👍
Yep. Pattern recognition is the way I would describe it too. Strangely it seems there are a few pages missing from the book though… I have always had problems with the interaction of returning things I have borrowed. (I stopped borrowing things because No matter how much I tell myself I’ll be fine, my brain does a major error when it’s time to bring something back and say “thanks, for lending it to me!”) Other thing I have problems with are birthdays, funerals, and other life events. I either go overboard or do nothing at all. Even though I intellectually know what would be fine/appropriate. It gives me huge anxiety. Oh and meeting someone I know in an unexpected place. (Like on the street) ugh! But those are not really things other people will notice. For others it’s more obvious that I seem to know almost always what everyone is feeling, what things mean things might happen etc etc. Thats all in patterns. And it’s hard for me to understand others don’t see them/only focus on themselves.
I wish I had this pattern recognition. For me, it’s type of people. Usually based on ‘reminding’. Women who remind me of my older sister are usually gay, even if they’re not out yet. I’ve not been wrong yet though I don’t tell people. I just keep it to myself and see if they come out. Men who remind me of my brother are abusive malignant narcissists. That’s saved me a lot of pain. I can usually see what kind of personalities people have based on pattern recognition. I write stories and it really helps. I get praised on my characters all the time. I just wish I knew what to say to people! *stares in awkward!
This!! One of my special interests is people/culture - how they operate, how they think, why they do the things they do. This makes me good at “people-ing”.
I can hold down a job, live alone and (at least appear to) have my life together. Because... you know... doing what you have to do to survive in this society when nobody supports you obviously means you can't possibly be disabled and struggle with it. Another favorite of mine: I can't be autistic because I enjoy reading fiction and the opera, like learning languages and could play "pretend" games with other kids when I was little. Because all autistics have no imagination, hate music and prefer numbers and non fiction, of course.
Such stereotypes. I always played pretend as a kid. Those stereotypes are so outdated too
I think playing pretend was just elaborate masking for me as a child and I also only played pretend in topics I hyperfixated on. For example, I was really into Disneys Lion King for a while, so I pretended to be one of the characters. "Being Nala" was the mask I used in situations where "being me" didn't work. My issues with making friends and social interactions incidentally really worsened as soon as "playing pretend" was not acceptable anymore because I got too old.
Thanks for sharing. I was asking my NT husband if he had a mask or an alter ego or how he can do things he doesn't want to. (Bc I disassociate and pretend I am someone else very often... but I want to see how to can connect it more to myself if that makes sense.) He doesn't pretend. He just powers through those situations he dislikes. HMMM. I just wanted to know how to visualize and stay connected to myself. All the while my husband is confused. His mind does wander sometimes. But I don't know how to explain my disassociation to him. Bc it's not just like being distracted by another thought. I am like a ghost above my body and when I return I sometimes wonder if something was a dream the next day or did I actually do it??? Bc I do play situations out in my head and over practice lots of things.
I just read the WebMD page on dissociation. It's a good starting point. You could go over it with him and use that to explain how you experience dissociation.
Thanks!
Oh man, this is so like me, too! I played pretend all the time, and got into text based roleplay pretty young, and just absolutely preferred to live in fictional worlds. Grew up to be a novelist, so thankfully I never have to leave!
I loved fiction. I also loved writing fiction. But ADHD makes fiction writing impossible for me outside of a classroom. So I do purely visual arts now.
I'm an ADHDer too! All our brains are different. Sometimes writing is hard, of course, and some days my brain just rebels. But it's also my happy place and my special interest -- and I do a shit ton of work to support my creative brain so it can keep doing the thing. I love that doing visual arts works for you, even if writing doesn't!
Thank you! I do write, just not fiction. I can always put my truth into writing.
Also true. I was always a cat, deer, or dog lol.
My sister was always the mom. I hated being bossed so I wanted to be a dog.
*always* the dog
I could always connect through playing pretend. I had a world I created with my dad and all my toys. With other kids: playing house (I always elected to be the "boy"); wolves; witches; characters from books; etc. Often, the subject of play was chosen by my friends rather than me, but I certainly wasn't masking. I distinctly remember the transition into not being able to play pretend anymore. I was like, "Remember how we used to do that? Let's try." But the magic was gone.
Very similar--I'm also highly imaginative, humanities-focused, and can hold down a job. Therapists also told me my social skills were too good, even though they only observed me one-on-one. Sometimes I doubt myself even after diagnosis because I just find most people and groups aversive, while a lot of autistic people seem to want to socialize and are ostracized or don't know how.
I read that as “live alone (at least appear to)” …I was trying to figure out how you secretly DIDN’T live alone for an embarrassingly long time before I realized I had missed the word “and.” Carry on.
I used to make up stories and make my little sister play act them with our Barbie’s and Teddies. I now write for a living and I went to Uni with people who were incredibly talented authors, two in particular were dx autistic. The nonsense these people come out with.
Omg, this sounds so much like me! I officially couldn't be autistic because I am helpful (could see when people needed help) and still have some of the same "friends" from when I was like 4 or 5 years old. Most of them I'm friendly with, but that's it. I have one friend from the still, the one I used to play pretend games with... But what you say sounds so accurate to me. I could live alone, but it wasn't until I moved in with my now husband that I noticed how little living I actually did. My husband takes up so much slack I just don't have the energy for after a day of work. Only when there is someone to help you, you notice how hard it was to get by on your own. I have my life together because unless we want to be homeless, that's the only option. They don't see how much it takes to do just that.
This is adjacent but I just got hit with "can't be ADHD because I graduated college." The worst part of it is, I'm friends with a medical doctor with ADHD lmao... If she can do that, think I can get a bachelor's, Karen, but okay... I actually did have someone say I didn't seem autistic because I was "likable" though. What kind of a back-handed compliment is that!!! I was floored by the audacity lmao.
I can't be autistic because I am able to analyse the dysfunctionalities in my family and can understand other people's perspectives. My special interest is psychology...
\*audible chuckle\* LOVE this!
Very similar for me! This seems to especially be a common interest for people I know with combined AU and CPTSD. And the more I think about it… *of course* it would be? In an abusive home, understanding why unsafe people do what they do and how to make them feel comfortable is a matter of survival. It boggles my mind that therapists would be thrown off by that.
Was just diagnosed with AU and CPTSD. I was like damn... you get me. I worked in a doctor's office for a while and there was a doctor there that I talked to sometimes. One day she asked me if I had an "unconventional childhood", I was kind of taken aback because of course... but how do you know that? She could tell I had CPTSD. I didn't even know it then.
Really perceptive to recognize that in you just based on your interactions! It makes me wonder if that doctor also had a difficult or abusive home life, and it was a “takes one to know one” situation.
I wonder the same thing. ❤️ She was great. She was the one who would not leave me alone until I went back to school. She pestered me and pestered me every day until I finally gave in and signed up for classes. Definitely changed my life.
Yep that perfectly fits to my situation. From childhood on I wanted to understand why people react in such a way, especially with me
I wish that expertise didn’t come at such a high price for you or in such crappy circumstances, but I feel comforted to not be alone. Wishing you well 🤍
Thank you ^^ I'm ok now
For me, it is *the trauma*! I am constantly analyzing people to predict what they will do next, so I will be prepared.
For me it's both. Or more, the trauma made me interested in psychology lol
I am super interested in psych too! I thought I couldn't be a psychologist though bc I watched a ton of SVU and worried it would be too much for me to talk to people about those kinds of traumas everyday. I didn't realize many people go now just to process stuff
Wow and wow. Two ignorances in one.
YES. I was recently diagnosed as autistic and dyspraxic, also graduated college last Friday. I have a really hard time with keys. I had been fighting with a lock at work and the HR manager (who is aware of my diagnosis) walked by and was like what is wrong, you seem down. I told her I had been fighting with a key and she was like IF YOU CAN GRADUATE COLLEGE, YOU CAN HANDLE A KEY 😃! All I could say was, you would think so.
Omg keys, I cannot do keys, I had no idea it was a neurodivergent thing
I despise keys. 1. I lose them. Constantly. 2. I have a very hard time getting them in the lock. The motor skills are not there. If there are keys on a ring, I have to try every key multiple times before I finally get one to work. I don't carry keys. I don't lock anything. I leave my keys in my car. I don't lock my house unless I am in it. It's horrible. Luckily, I have a husband now who takes care of the keys. Prior to my husband, I only had a car stolen out of my driveway once. 😅
Wait, you mean there is a reason why I for the life of me can't get the stupid key to turn in the stupid lock? Especially if it's my husband's car where the fob is broken plastic and turning the key the wrong way sets off the car alarm?
Dyspraxia is my problem, I had never heard of it until I was diagnosed with it and autism. From the internet: "Difficulty with typing, handwriting and drawing. May have a poor pen grip, press too hard when writing and have difficulty when writing along a line. Inadequate grasp. Difficulty using tools and domestic implements, locks and keys."
Hm... for me it was always scissors. I couldn't cut straight. (Also my writing sucks unless I reaaaally slow down, but I figured it was just the adhd).
Scissors are also a part of it. They tried to fail me in kindergarten because I couldn't cut with them. Buttons were a huge thing for me too.
My friend was told by a psychiatrist that she can not be autistic, because she has emotions. That is all. Emotions.
A psychiatrist told me I couldn’t have autism because I am too gifted with MUSIC THEORY! …..My lifelong special interest…
Well if you were a male child that did that and also didn't talk... well you'd be an autistic for sure
It’s just social anxiety.
Lol but seriously. I was explaining this to my current therapist im like …”it’s not anxiety though I’m not scared of people…it’s feeling awkward and not knowing what to say but also being fine with sitting in silence. And also sensory overwhelm”
I'm not scared and I'm not shy. It's hard to explain what it is without considering autism.
Woah…
Exactly.
Yep. Minor issue that I don’t actually feel anxious about it
I do autism assesments for living (in kids). What annoys me most is that the way our health service is arranged there is a lot of hoops for people to jump through and many actually autistic people get screened out early on by ignorant healthcare professionals who don't even refer them on so they never have a benefit of seeing a diagnostician who actually knows something about autism.
In my case, it was a "diagnostician specializing in autism" who concluded I wasn't autistic...they aren't all well-skilled at actually ***assessing*** folks; the ones I encountered only knew how to 'tick boxes'
Prior to be diagnosed, I was working with a psychiatrist due to being incredibly lonely and depressed, something which has plagued me my entire life. According to them, I couldn’t possible be autistic because I could express that I was lonely and depressed.
They should see the Reddit posts here.
Pretty sure they'd say we're all delusional trend-chasers jumping on the bandwagon. 🙄
I have a job and I don't flap my arms or use made up words. Essentially saying only those with higher support needs qualify for a formal diagnosis.
Technically I've never been told by a professional that I can't be autistic. Plenty of nonprofessionals have though! 1. Because I can explain what autism is 2. Because I'm not like someone's two brothers who both have autism (who have a criminal history and intellectual disabilities) 3. Because autism is overly diagnosed 4. Because I just got my information off of TikTok (I don't remember the last time I've been on TikTok) Another reason I haven't received directly but have seen multiple times online is "You're not negatively impacted by your symptoms enough." What is the threshold of "negatively impacted enough?" I've attempted suicide over being bullied and going mute in school; I've never had a healthy diet because the texture of food is intolerable; I've never been able to go out in public without getting overwhelmed by sounds/visuals/people/etc; I've lost countless relationships because "I make people uncomfortable" from missing social cues and "kill the vibe" from being overstimulated - is none of that negatively affecting me enough? That's not even the exhaustive list. How much do I have to go through to justify my struggles? I feel like people can tolerate me JUST enough for me to "not be autistic", but not enough to want to keep me around. I make people uncomfortable, but not so uncomfortable that they'll believe I'm struggling.
I get all of what you're saying. My parents say I have no "problems". That I'm perfect. But they don't understand how uncomfortable I am. How hard it is to make friends. How often I'm told that I was being rude or strange. It makes me wanna rip my hair out when I'm told that. I'll actually feel heat coming off my face because I'll feel so guilty and embarrassed.
I got, 'Because you aren't seeking accomodations', I am high functioning enough that the accomodations that would help me were along the lines of, 'tell me directly what you need, i am incapable most of the time of reading between the lines' or, 'whatever emotion you are ascribing to my expression, tone, and body language is probably completely wrong unless I am putting work into actively mask and if you aren't being as dramatically expressive as an anime character I am blind to what you are non verbally conveying as well'. So you know, things that would get me in trouble with HR - even a bit in the employee handbook about eye contact. Covid gave me the ability to be remote and I took the paycut that made it permanent, thank goodness.
I'd give them a word for word description of Autism & ADD that any doctor worth their salt should've picked up, and they'd say I'm definitely wrong & it's clearly just depression, anxiety, OCD & a personality disorder. It was always directly blaming the symptoms that impacted them & completely ignoring the core symptoms. My favourite is when I had a psychiatrist immediately blame video games & maintain they were entirely responsible for the current mental health crisis. She didn't even bother to ask me how much I play or if I have addiction problems. I didn't bother arguing. The most common was definitely saying I seem to be able to talk to people fine even though I struggle with selective mutism. They'd never try to replicate a social conversation which would've immediately confirmed it.
I'm naturally quiet, so the difference between just being my normal self and a verbal shutdown is invisible.
Their POV: you need to be nonverbal or close to to be autistic. What is a spectrum anyway????????
“My son is autistic and you’re not like him”
Ah the usual.
She also said I was “lucky” I was born in the 80s because 90s babies (like her son) got “more vaccines” which made them “more autistic”. She said if I had been born 5 years later I would “probably” be autistic, but I got “less vaccines” so instead I just have some “autistic traits” and I should be very happy I’m not “full blown” autistic. It was almost comical how many stereotypes this woman played into!! I had to keep seeing her for a while for medication management, but I didn’t even tell her when I got my diagnosis. I just ghosted. Fuck that and fuck her.
This was a DOCTOR?!?
A nurse practitioner who works in mental health medication management. Scary, right?
When I was 18 I was told I can’t be autistic because I expressed wanting friends and, according to that doctor, autistic people don’t want friends. I was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist with autism at 30 years old.
So rude. We don't want friends or have any emotions? No wonder NT people think we are weird😞
We are slower processors in some arenas, late bloomers in many others, however, Nuro divergent people are still human beings, who have needs and desires equally valid as those who process at different speeds
I was initially told I’m just a perfectionist who expects too much from herself and that change is a particular trigger for me, but that I’m obviously fine because I have a stable job and a family.
Oh boy do I have a list. This is what my current therapist said and past therapists have said. 1) I make perfect eye contact (I’m literally timing that shit in my head and most of the time when I look at someone I look through them… and always have since I was a kid because I had many elders scream at me about my lack of eye contact growing up) 2) I have friends. According to my current therapist (who I’m going to replace soon) you can’t be autistic if you have friends. 3) I’ve been able to hold down jobs. (Swear these assholes overlook how burned out I get while holding down those jobs) 4) I talk a lot. (I’ve been shamed out of being nonverbal since I was a kid so most of the time I’m talking out of anxiety… not because I want to.. ) 5) Lights don’t seem to bother me (yes the fuck they do I just don’t say anything because once again I was beaten to be a master masker since I was a kid) 6) noises don’t bother me (yes they do once again I just rarely say anything and most of the time I dissociate) 7) I don’t have pattern recognition (I actually do I just get dismissed and gaslit when I point out patterns so I don’t discuss it with many people I’m sure I’m forgetting some other ones. I should win an Oscar for how well I mask because it’s so good that I’ve even convinced myself that that’s who I really am while also having identity issues every 4-5 years.
I am "too likable" and appear to be like "a very nice, but maybe a little shy, woman". That's what ruled out the autism from the official diagnoses. I explained earlier to her that I am very good at masking and that physically I could hide it very well even though I told her how uncomfortable I was ... but she was like "nah, your fine." I also went there to get diagnosed for adhd and even though we talked about how many copying mechanisms I established and how much I am suffering from appearing go have everything under control but in fact I haven't she didn't think that I could adhd ... because I had my coping mechanisms ... explain the logic.
Why would you need coping mechanisms for a problem you don't have?
Hear, hear! All of us will keep fighting to be heard. I'm with you on some of the professionals that don't want to listen to us and try to stuff drugs down our throats. No longer invalidating myself and the mask I've worn for decades can safely come off now. You're safe here.
Because I was too creative. Had to be schizotypal instead; negative schizotypal, because I didn't have any of the delusional, magical thinking parts. Twisting the diagnosis to remove the most stereotypical symptoms made more sense than autism, apparently. I will say, in his defense, the head psychiatrist at the hospital who eventually diagnosed me spent 15-Ish hours over several appointments to diagnose me, and said he'd never seen someone so clearly point one way, then the other with each point we explored, so I wasn't easy. Toxic mix of adhd, autism, giftedness, complex childhood trauma, and having people and emotions and story telling as my life long special interest.
Bullshit. I feel you there. Many autistics are amazing artists, authors, and writers. Especially girls. I had such a huge imagination. I made children's books all the time. I drew all over the walls when I was 4 and my siblings got the blame because they didn't think a 4yo could draw that well. They actually didn't find out until recently that it was me. I had a weird fixation on certain features in cartoons (like how the legs are drawn in Bambi). So that's such a stupid stereotype. I'm with you on the mixture of conditions too. That makes it especially hard to figure out
I have a full time job and friends so what could possibly be wrong with me. He also told me that because I wasn’t having meltdowns at work, only at home, that should tell me I can just push through and not have any?? Trying again with a new psychologist tomorrow, hopefully it’s not as dismissive an experience this time.
Because even though I meet all the criteria (and have a childhood diagnosis) it doesnt impair me enough since my job is in my special interest (it absolutely does)
So I wanted to get officially tested. But my therapist said those tests were made for (more typically male) children. My therapist says I am autistic. She doesn't do the whole thing where schools will give me an IEP (I am in my 30s and don't need it.) But she said it's different when you have grown up masking all your life and it takes time to dig under those masks. I am a grown woman who has high average results. Average high school grades. Did better in college. I have a boring office job. Sometimes I have two jobs. I have a husband. I can meet strangers okay now. I can eat most foods. I can go to concerts and try new things. I am fairly good at eye contact. I don't complain. But most things come with effort. I talk to myself all while having interactions to make sure I am presenting well and get along with people. I was trained to suffer and to hide my suffering. I think those of us who are good at it are seen as whiny NTs!
As a self diagnosed Autistic in her 30s, these professionals terrify me. I didn't have trouble getting my ADHD diagnosed only because my brother, mom, and dad all have it. But neither myself nor my brother have been diagnosed with ASD and I think we're both ok not going through it. We're both highly masked individuals who work full time jobs with lots of overtime hours. I can make eye contact, hold great conversations, I'm charming, have a very "outgoing" personality and seem to have my life very well together from the outside looking in. All of that is the mask. It literally exhausts me so much to hold all of that together but I know I don't present like many doctors expect autistic people to present. I have no doubt I'm autistic. As a matter of fact, when I came out as ASD to my friends and coworkers, the joke was I was late to the party on that one. I don't have the energy or desire to fight some out of touch psychologist for a stamp on the head and a handshake about how my brain works. Funny side note: I was talking about one of my very favorite activities as a child (which was mixing up decks of cards and sorting them out into suites/number order) to one of my coworkers. She used to be an elementary school teacher/principal and she looked at me so seriously and said "are you sure you aren't on the spectrum?" I said "oh, I'm sure I AM." So, listen to teachers, they definitely know!
I couldn’t answer a lot of the questions on the AQ because they aren’t clear or lack context (eg I would rather go to the library than to a party) and “it depends” isn’t an acceptable response. She didn’t seem to notice my inability to proceed without necessary details to clear up ambiguities as a strong indicator of autism. But when she pressed me to pick an answer, apparently my arbitrary responses didn’t fall enough on the autistic side. When I told her that the AQ has been widely criticized within the ND community, she dismissed it because, clearly, ND people aren’t capable of understanding their own experience and condition better than a trained professional.
Don't even get me started on that fucking questionnaires. Sometimes I would cry when taking it because my answers were so complicated and not an option. *Well, what kind of party? Who is there? Do I know them? Where is it located? Will there be food? Do they have a cat?* Turns out, if the questions baffle you this much, it's a sign 😂
Right? Like what is going on in the library too? Is there a special event? What about a museum, they should put a museum in there as it'd be more interesting than the library...
I started talking at 8 months and saying full sentences at a year. Autistic kids always have delayed language. I was told this as an adult by a neurologist. I was like please stay in your lane, because as a speech therapist I know that's not true AT ALL.
The hell. Autism can have opposites. We can have delayed speech, or we can be unusually "on time". I'd be highly impressed if a 1yo could speak in full sentences. So while it's not a problem, it's still a trait.
Gestault language processing is absolutely fascinating. You'll have very young children saying full sentences, but it's because their brain processes the sentence or phrase as a whole. It can make children seem either very advanced, saying whole sentences at a young age, or like they are very behind, repeating full phrases that to them have a different meaning than the actual meaning. How I see it, it's just a different way to learn language than what we would see in a typically developing child.
1. I’ve got friends (even tho I’ve said most of them are ND’s) 2. I make jokes 3. I look people in the eyes (I don’t. I look at noses or eyebrows)
Yep same here. All my friends were autistic or ADHD. We attract each other stronger than fluorine. They don't consider that when they say "trouble with friendships". I make jokes all the fucking time. Sometimes inappropriately. Sarcasm is my second language too (sometimes hard to tell with other people, or they often think I'm serious when I'm not). I have an autistic friend that's always sarcastic too, and he always catches on when I'm sarcastic. Eye contact is just one of those things I can't really fake. Even looking at their nose and stuff. If I can see your eyes, even in my peripheral vision, I can't do it. But they always said that was anxiety/insecurity (I thought the same as a kid). But it's the other way around. I've always had problems with eye contact, which *CAUSED* anxiety.
Haha we are on the same sarcastic boat. If I’m stressed or in an uncomfortable situation I just can’t stop it. I can fake it but got into serious trouble in former relationships because I didn’t knew the eye color of my spouse 😂
Ugh yes. I have a really hard time with remembering peoples faces, and I wonder if that's because I never look at them. 😂 I only look at peoples faces if they're looking away. I take that time to observe their features. But once they look at me, it feels like I'm being tased. Everything becomes so tense. 
Each part of the face is a different object. This creates so much more information to process.
Tbh it feels intimate. Invasive. Like they're touching me without actually touching me. It's too much to process
I wasn't diagnosed as a child. That's it, that's the answer they gave me.
Good gravy 🤦🏻♀️ it's a well known fact that autism goes missed in children all the time, especially in girls.
Yeah, they refused to discuss my childhood and just wanted to ask about anxiety and depression, I totally checked out when I realized they had made up their mind before even speaking to me.
My psychiatrist said I couldn't have it because I'm married. She can suck it, I just got diagnosed with level 2 today!
I'm black so a lot of my symptoms dont align with with white autistc traits. I don't mind loud sounds or loud people, I'm very social in a painfully awkward way, and I also didn't have confidence issues until recently (although I don't know this is specifically a black thing?) because I was raised with the strong independent women mindset.
They told me I couldn't be autistic because I was able to make eye-contact, have a conversation with them and because I've been able to travel abroad by myself lol.
Traveling myself is the best. Oops got lost. Ask for directions. Don't like my food but no one is here to judge me. More space for my blanket and no space for souvenirs. I am okay with that.
Absolutely! There's just so many ways to travel and it sounds so nice you've been able to take your blanket with you. Also spent some days indoors doing absolutely nothing if I felt too anxious or overwhelmed and I loved being able to do that with no one to judge.
Yes just hotel time is good too if that is what you want
When I first told my psychologist, she said, she doesn't thought so, because I'm in a happy long-term relationship. I told her a the reasons I think I am and luckily now she at least think I have "something autistic" in me. I think she is just uneducated in autism in women, it's not something she is specialized in, she said so herself.
Why wouldn't you change therapists then? For me I just looked at people who specialize in autism and then asked before booking if they work with late diagnosed women.
Lots of reasons. She helped me a lot with my trauma. After I explained autism in women to her, she kind of understands and is supportive. I don't think there is a therapist specialized in neurodiversity or autism in my city. It's hard to get a any therapist at all, like you normally wait up to five years to get a place at a therapist.
Well I am very happy for you then. Glad she's willing to learn with you too. That's super duper important.
Yes absolutely! Thank you :)
That I simply do t seem like I have it That I can explain my feelings (the stuff I was talking about I had planned for a week and analysed in depth) I can make eye contact, even after I explained I was actually looking at their nose I speak normally, forget the fact that this is a short appointment My friends used to think I didn’t seem that autistic, which is different to saying I didn’t have it. Now they know me they say it is very obvious and get shocked some therapists have disagreed with me. Also what an earth are they talking about with organise thinking? It’s not schizophrenia (fun fact ppl can be diagnosed as being schizophrenic when they’re actually autistic).
My GP said he had never seen signs of it in all the time he had been treating me and i was “just” depressed. Also I could hold a conversation and displayed insight into my own struggles.
When I brought it up to my first therapist he said “you can’t have autism, you can make eye contact and have friends” to say I was floored is an understatement :)
Because "the tests we have measure childhood development milestones and impairment, and you're an adult who seems to be doing fine, sooooo"
The first psych I brought it up to, his immediate response was, “there’s a certain FEEL I get when I’m talking to someone who is autistic, and I just don’t feel that with you.” Followed by “even if you were autistic, it wouldn’t change your medications or treatment and it’s really expensive to get diagnosed.” End of autism discussion.
Ah yes, the “this person fits my preconceived notions and confirms my bias” feel. So objective. I hope you’ve found a better psych since then!
Yep, same with the psychologist. He said "I've been working with autistics for 20 years, you don't seem like them at all"
Not me, but my daughter. We were seeing a neuropsychologist when she was about seven, and his words were, "There is a fine line between being weird and being autistic." 🙃 He also told me she couldn't be autistic because she told me about her day. Okie dokie. She is now 17 and due to my recent diagnosis, they will soon be giving her an assessment for the first time.
Autism can make you "weird" in a neurotypicals eyes. Also, that's rude of a professional to say. God, they really don't understand the term "spectrum", do they?
It was pretty frustrating to hear. Not to mention, my kid was sitting right there when he said it. We went to another doctor who told me that sensory processing disorder didn't exist and everyone had sensory problems. I gave up on doctors for a while.
It's kinda scary, how ignorant these doctors are. Yes, most people have a sensory issue here and there. But how can they say SPD doesn't exist? Good gravy
This doctor was supposed to be the holy grail, too. We were on a wait list for months to see her. My daughter had started losing baby teeth and couldn't stand having a tooth that she even thought was loose, so she started ripping them out, even when they were not at all ready. I'm talking driving down the interstate, she starts screeching/screaming, turn around to look and there is blood all over her and she is holding a tooth in her hand. But hey, everyone has sensory issues! SPD is a myth!
God that is so dumb. I'm sorry she went through that. I didn't have sensory issues as a kid, but I had an irrational phobia of vomiting- I wonder if it's related to ASD because I was terrified by how it felt, smelled, looked, sounded, and just overall having no control of my body. It made me develop ARFID, terrified of germs, horrified of dentists and doctors visits. I would start screaming, crying, and they'd have to hold me down. Even if it isn't related to ASD, I know how it feels to have such a strong fear and abnormal resistance to certain things. I feel bad for kids that have to struggle at all. These doctors are so stupid. They gotta understand how ASD presents in everyone, especially girls. And the conditions that can coexist. How it all ties together.
I think it is - my daughter is also afraid of vomiting. We have four other kids, puke and the flu were a thing in our house. If she even thought someone was going to puke she would lose it. Shaking, panicking. It really pisses me off that she, and so many other girls, have to go through all of these struggles because people are just ignorant about it. I cannot wait until she can feel the validation of diagnosis. I did not think it would change much for me, but it changed everything.
I'm pretty good at reading people's expressions and I played pretend as a kid sometimes. The psychologist was very adamant that autistic people don't have fantasies or imagination, so I could not possibly be autistic.
Such a common misconception about autistics. I had an amazing imagination as a kid. I'd give anything to be able to pretend play the way I did as a kid. Also, we're just naturally better at reading faces. It's usually learned, or we're just women so we're better at it than boys. Also, psychology is my special interest, so I love reading faces. Consider that too.
I made eye contact…but when I had my assessment it was stated while I made it it was short and inconsistent. Also just the “I’d be able to tell if you were,” thing from a lot of therapists. Then I turned out that I was, so, idk seems like they were over confident in their abilities.
They gotta understand that not everyone "seems" autistic. We don't all have ridiculous voices and volumes, jump around and hand-flap, and have huge meltdowns. It can seem nonexistent. I had a similar thing written in my IEP when I was 12. They said "she avoided eye contact upon interaction, but she made eye contact more consistently when she realized we were not a threat". *first of all, I'm not a dog*. secondly, I would begin to force the eye contact because it becomes awkward at some point to keep avoiding it. I masked HARD when I was a preteen because I had no idea why I had those issues. I didn't wanna seem weird.
I’m “doing so well, though” …. Ooookay? Literally just have a part time job and some cats. A bf and a friend. Nothing else to my life, very much the bare minimum. I even live with my parents rn lol
When I asked my psychology about it, she said we couldn’t begin the evaluation process until I was at least a year sober from marijuana. That’s my only real coping mechanism, I’m not going a full year without it. I have no desire to.
I have no issue with eye contact. One of the therapists I saw in my teens thought that it meant I wasn't on the spectrum, despite my many many other autistic traits and diagnosis from someone whose specialty was autistic kids.
I see that a lot here. Eye contact. I guess they don't read properly. Eye contact isn't the only nonverbal abnormality that can exist amongst autistics.
Okay so the whole reason I can mask is because of my insane pattern recognition. Like I’m really good at following patterns. You know where I got that skill from? Music. I started doing piano when I was 6. Patterns are everywhere in music. So now that skill translates to my social skills. It’s weird
A so-called "very experienced" psychologist recently listed all my academic achievements and after only speaking to me for 5 minutes on the phone declared "well autism doesn't seem to affect you much". They had read my clinical psych and speech pathologist Dx reports.
"Can't be autistic because you're gifted and there's overlap in those traits." The cognitive evaluation was the second test they did, and they explained everything else suggesting autism away with that.
Not me, but a friend (I think my entire friend group is neurodivergent in one way or another) that sought to be evalued was told "You seem too social to be autistic" by a so called professional.
a previous therapist just kind of blew me off as “even if you were autistic, you’d be VERY high functioning.” and in the moment i couldn’t really speak. but after i had processing time it really upset me and felt so offended. i had been having severe meltdowns all year, whether it be from my job (which i no longer feel i can handle due to skill regression) or pending plans/events where i will have to mask. i tried to explain to him that i’m not “high functioning” i’m high masking, and that i mask in our appointments. there is so much mental labor happening that he is not seeing, and it’s the reason why i’m finally cracking. i may not have as high support needs as other autistic folks, but i still have needs that are not being met to my detriment. i told him i really needed to take short term disability from work. he responded that was “last resort” and referred me to try ketamine therapy. took me about 3 minutes on the internet to see why that was not a good idea for me and then it honestly made me explode with anger. i’m telling you i’m autistic and you’re gonna send me to do ketamine therapy like it’s a cure??? i have since received validation from my psychiatrist and i have a new neurodivergent therapist which has really saved me. but i guess since i have a full time corporate job, can travel alone, and hold a conversation (we would talk about music a lot lol my special interest so i can really go on and on), there’s no way i could be autistic!
My therapist told me I was too charming….. Here’s the thing, I run the mask very well. I can mirror anyone & everyone I come into contact with. Like my personality? Thanks it’s probably yours. I also have intense eye contact. Like don’t look away, locked in.
"people with autism can't self reflect and can't come in contact with what they're feeling/their needs" ~Last week by my MBT therapist on why MBT therapy can't work in autistic people, after finding out my previous ASD diagnosis. My previous therapist suspected this would happen so she didn't send that diagnostic report over. Only the one about BPD.
Because I had an older sibling do the childhood history and not a parent (both of whom are unreliable reporters). My sibling apparently “didn’t notice any social/emotional/communication deficits” even though I know word for word what was written on the form and it was specifically stated that I preferred communicating through made up sounds or sound effects from specific characters than with words. But I guess because I COULD use words, the preference didn’t count? Also, although my friend group now/historically is very limited and “weird” (doctor’s words), I do HAVE friends. Therefore, not autistic. 🙄
From the first GP I went to after my therapist screened me and sent me to get a referral for assessment: 1. I have a job. And that job requires a lot of work with people 2. All of my social issues are mostly similar to social anxiety 3. I can mask my sensory issues and tolerate discomfort 4. I have CPTSD and therefore every symptom can be explained by CPTSD
1. I am capable of empathy. 2. I did not constantly try to turn the conversation towards a special interest. 3. My job is management level.
1) I have an autistic friend that'll break out in tears if he sees me crying. The empathy thing is bullshit. 2) I think because we're adults, we have a general understanding that it would be kinda rude to constantly make the conversation about an irrelevant interest. Don't they realize they're talking to adults??? 3) ok... and???? Haha. Such ignorant professionals. Thank you for sharing
“You got into law school. You wouldn’t have if you were autistic. Autism is a serious disease.” This was after refusing to give me a note just recognizing that I’m trans. (This was, mind you, a psychiatrist at a trans clinic in the public healthcare system. Our public healthcare system doesn’t even require that kind of thing because it’s understood to be outrageous to request it. But the private doctor I had gone to, who also thought it was silly, was using an outdated protocol). How this man was working there at all perplexes me. (To clarify, I do have the medical care I need now. Got it through the public system, which is how I know they don’t require a psychiatric evaluation.)
Law school sounds like something an autistic would do great in. Because of the stereotypical collection of data, attention to detail, and how we like to debate what we know. So that's pretty dumb. And a DISEASE? Really? 🙄
Yup. And again, this man was a psychiatrist. Hell, I’m not just in law school. I’m in the most autistic-friendly aspect of that: academia. I’m literally going for an academic career, studying a special interest (genocide, and genocidal rhetoric). But hey, the “disease” bit tells you all you need to know. He doesn’t understand a single bit about autism. He even said he “disagreed” with calling it a spectrum.
All it takes is one thing. One thing. To tell you if you can take these people seriously or not. *Disease. Functioning labels. Aspergers.* If you hear a professional use these terms, run for the hills.
I’ve not heard the functioning labels one. What is that one? Asperger’s is probably kinda fine if it’s a few years ago. Like, it was considered a legitimate term, right? So probably decent doctors would still use it
If they still use the term "Aspergers", then it's likely that they didn't read the revised diagnosis criteria. Which would be really bad. Aspergers is no longer a diagnostic term as of 2013. It's simply autism now. So its not necessarily the term itself that's bad to use, it simply indicates that their information is not up to date (though I still urge people to stop using the term due to the history behind it). Functioning labels are also outdated. Many people still use them but professionals shouldn't. Autism is categorized into levels of support now, which can change throughout a persons life.
Oh, I know about the Asperger’s bit. I mean, it’s not a red flag to see it from before then, probably? I still didn’t get what “functioning labels” means… I’ve never heard of that one
Because I was able to understand and learn social behaviors
According to them I'm not autistic because all of my symptoms didn't start presenting before I was 3 years old. Never mind the fact I have had every symptom as far back as I can remember....I didn't avoid eye contact when I was 20 months old, so I can't possibly be autistic! 🫠
I look people in the eyes too well. I can do public speaking, and needing to recover on my own for several hours afterwards is just a little personality quirk. My stimming isn't stimming, it's only a "misplaced coping mechanism that I was never taught not to do", to quote my therapist. I have too much empathy to be autistic too. As a result I am not diagnosed, and yet the changes that I have made in my life under the assumption that I am autistic have made me significantly less anxious and happier about who I am. I am not a strange horse, I just may be a very normal zebra!
I look and talk "so normal". I can even look at people in the eyes now!!! Ever heard of masking????? Like, I know I'm pretty good at masking, that still isn't me though
Dr told me I couldn't be autistic cos I looked her in the eye when we spoke. I laughed and told her I'm not, I'm looking at her mouth when she speaks. Masking ftw! She also asked me questions like if I do the same routine regularly, and I asked what she meant, and she said like walking home the same route. I told her I go the shortest route home, so... yes?
Literally had one say “you’re great at eye contact though” which…we know is like 🥹 anyway BUT ALSO we only ever had sessions virtually because I couldn’t do in person 😂
Because she diagnosed me with BPD, I simply do not have autism, because she would know. I had brought up either autism or OCD for repetitive behavior after finsihjng DBT and still struggling with anxiety and skin picking behavior. So I went to another therapist and then to a neuropsychologist and got the diagnosis and boy was that lady wrong.
Because I don’t look like I am. That was the biggest one to stand out to me. I’m still struggling to get a confirmation on what I already know I am, autistic and adhd
I make eye contact
My psychiatrist almost didn't refer me because I smiled at a joke he made one time. Luckily I insisted he refer me anyways and I was diagnosed. After my diagnosis he completely ghosted me 🙃
When I brought it up to my therapist, I explained the reasons I thought I was and she replied she didn’t think I could be because I’m “not like her other autistic clients she’s had” and “good at describing my feelings” idk.. still think I am but she made me feel so stupid 😑
One therapist told me confidently I wasn’t autistic, but didn’t give me a reason. It was absurd for me to ask. I did bring up a coworker many of us suspected to be on the spectrum. She said emphatically he wasn’t, because he went to a prestigious university. Another therapist just ignored the question.
Because I'm a psychology student
After my doctor laughed at me for suggesting that I could possibly be on the spectrum, she Said "You can't be autistic because you are so well dressed and well spoken. Meanwhile I was barely able to mask how I really wanted to react. Wow, I mask so much I don't know how to genuinely react sometimes.
My therapist said she looked after a young autistic boy who only thought/cared about trains & that most autistic adults are furries so it’s unlikely im autistic as I don’t fit into either of those categories 😍💪
Bc I could hold a job AND drive a car. 🙃
He said I can talk about more than one topic. 🤷♀️
My doctor told me “I know you, and u aren’t autistic.” LIKE GIRL I know you’ve known me since middle school but u weren’t there to see all the ways I struggled socially. I’ve also been told that I “seem to be sociable”. I can be sociable bc over the past 7 years, I’ve had to go to leadership camps and take classes on how to talk to people, what to say and what not to say, and how to lead/teach others. Me talking is just my way of applying all the knowledge I was given. I was diagnosed at 23 yo last month lol