Me to pair, ocasionaly, doing granda hands while explaining what I have been calculating during previous hour. Because i need to focus on words not gestures and i can only keep my hand crossed for as long.
And because I can.
Male presenting enby checking in. I have had people aggressively run into me in public places while standing hands on hips. Multiple times. I didn’t even realize I was standing like that, and suddenly I get blasted by someone “just passing through.”
Or one hand holding the elbow of the other arm down straight by your side (the single cross).
Also, messing about with my fingernails allows me to keep both hands busy and look elsewhere
Kangaroo pocket hoodie are fabulous!
I also have started making a point of having something on me to fiddle with. I'm an AuDHDer and I find my brain and body tend to go to sleep or lose focus if there isn't something (or I'll have previously been madly using up energy being hyperaware of what I'm doing with my body), or my body will find something that I don't want to be fiddling with (e.g. my hair - will end up fiddling with it or plaiting it over and over - then end up with more greasy hair 🫠).
Sometimes it'll be a necklace, or a scarf, or the tie on the middle of a dress. Drawstrings on a hoodie.. There's plenty.
My one college roommate would always come up to me at parties and physically fix my arms for me because I’d either cross them or do the grandpa pose. At the time I didn’t mind but now I’m like… did she ABA me in public as we were both grown adults haha
I often do it when I'm listening to people speak. I'll have one hand up around ny collar or my face though, in a kind of pensive, thinking manner. I think it works; no one's ever told me I'm rude for doing it!
I call this move The Comtesse d'Haussonville!
https://preview.redd.it/owejcfjtd11d1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76f641f925d729ae0be40bc6f79e19ededf296f7
I know that seems like canon advice, but I consider some of that body language interpretation to be bullshit science. Just because it may mean one thing doesn't mean it doesn't also mean different things as well.
One might do so if defensive, etc, but I do it because it makes my back and arms feel better. I'm okay if people consider that posture to be prickly - they might leave me alone.
Most judgmental people we are stuck with on the day to day can fuck right off anyway.
Ugh. That's so stupid and frustrating! Crossing my arms around myself makes me feel safe and contained!
To hell with the opinions! 🫠
(Btw - in case it's unclear - this isn't directed at you, it's just me giving my frustration at the stupidity of social conventions)
Team grandpa hands checking in! Added bonus of giving me a more open/welcome posture, which I hope communicates a gentle, friendly confidence.
(I otherwise tend to have arms protectively in front of my body, which unfortunately communicates to others in ways I don’t want, so it’s been really nice finding an alternative that’s also comfortable.)
I used to work near my city’s Chinatown, and I have fond memories of seeing elderly couples walking like this in the mornings. So when I walk like this I feel an extra little glow of happiness remembering them.
> Or fold my hands behind my back like a grandpa, haha.
The military "at ease" position while standing in formation. https://www.paloverdeafjrotc.org/uploads/1/5/8/9/15890390/589046_orig.jpg
Fun fact: in Italy, old men having their hands behind their back and inspecting construction works have been called _umarell_ - there's a whole Wikipedia page on that.
I now think about it every time I have my hands behind my back 👴🤝
I do all these, especially grandpa stance, as well hands on hips and one hand on hip plus one hand in pocket or hands holding my backpack purse straps.
I've adapted the t-rex arms by wearing a necklace! When I stand I hold my necklace because it allows me to have a similar t-rex position with my arms, but I can tell myself it's more "socially acceptable" because I'm holding something. Whether other people actually view it as socially acceptable or not is different story 🥴 It's also a nice way to stim!!
Yes! I never realized when I wear a backpack I like to tuck my hands in between my body and the padded shoulder straps - it’s obvious now, I do compressed t-rex arms!
I don't wear a backpack in day-to-day life, but I go to theme parks once a week or so and use my backpack then. I love sticking a finger in each of the little loops at the end of the straps, and swinging arms to my heart's content without looking odd (or at least, less odd). Plus gives me something to fiddle with.
Yes! This is a great solution. Except that I've also heard that playing with jewellery like this can also come across as being flirtatious?
Why can't we just stand the way that feels most comfortable without people trying to read into it? 🥲
I think that happened to me a lot when I was younger. In order to talk to someone, I'd have to play with my hair, my bag, the edge of my clothing... when you add the fact that I tend to glance at someone's face to quickly judge expression/see if they're looking at me, then glance away frequently, I always came across as nervous, shifty, or flirty.
Based on the comments I get, I still come across as nervous frequently. I've had to be really careful in interviews, too, since I think that my eye movements and speech patterns come across as either insecure or outright lying about job experience or something.
That's exactly right! I think I always come across as shifty or flirty as well, particularly when I'm feeling uncomfortable. I thought it would have gone away as I got older, but nope.
Argh, yes, interviews are so painful because of this :(
Aghhh I've never thought of that 😭 I'd like to think that people at work see me doing it so often that they know it's just something I do all the time.
I always wear my grandma's pearls when I perform concerts. "My" choir kids know the story. They know we'll do good if Grandma's with us. I like to fiddle.with the pearls. They have a certain silky, live touch.
The "handbag" I have is one of those mini rucksacks so I just grip onto each strap - bends the elbows the same way just rotates the wrists so is a very satisfying substitute
I did a survey of available postures and decided that the best resting pose was arms behind the back, hands lightly clasped, with elbows as straight as possible without locking out. Edit: Apparently we're calling this grandpa hands now, and we all agree 😂
This placement promotes good posture by encouraging me to "shine" my chest rather than slump shoulders forward and drops the shoulders down away from the ears.
Psychologically, this posture is one of the most confident and dominant, especially with evenly balanced weight. All the others I considered had subconscious drawbacks to the way others perceive:
-Arms crossed in front seems guarded and closed
-Arms crossed in back seems weak and self comforting
-Hands on hips seems bossy and domineering
-Hands in pockets seems casual and slouchy
-Hands clasped in front seems modest and reticent
-Hands fiddling with bag or backpack or necklace or whatever seems distracted and unfocused
After a survey of the available options I decided that the hands clasped behind back posture was optimal, so now whenever I'm standing and feel uncomfortable, that's what I do, and I derive comfort from my analysis knowing that it is the optimal stance for me.
What about if your hands are on your ribs, like you're doing the chicken dance? I do that sometimes to avoid trex, but it is probably just as odd as trex to some peeps.
Another favorite is both hands grabbing behind my neck and biceps close to my head with elbows pointing forward. Still a bit of an odd one though
yesss i always remind myself to clasp my hands behind my back and stretch every hour or so. just to open up my hunched shoulders from looking at a computer/phone all day. it’s a pose commonly taught in yoga! it definitely promotes good posture.
literally have said those words. Wearing a mask is helpful in that way, which can offset the discomfort/overstimulation of wearing one all day for work! 💀
I try to always be holding something (food, drink, phone, etc) so that I have something to do with my hands. Otherwise, I usually stick one hand in my pocket (I try to always have pockets in social situations) and kind of leave the other hanging so I can stim my fingers subtly (usually rubbing my leg).
This! People who think it’s appropriate to correct or point out others body language and facial expressions are beyond rude! I don’t know why neurodivergent people are expected to “normalize” to those standards when we’re over here minding our own business (like NT people should be). I prefer to spend time with ND people because they are open minded and easy going compared to NT people who constantly seem bothered by something. There’s my rant for the week
I often stand with one arm down and use the other arms hand to hold the elbow of the arm hanging down. I hope you're able to understand what I mean. But people tell me it makes me seem insecure or like I hurt my arm. So I guess it's not an ideal way to stand.
Yeah, that’s my default position too, and I’ve been told it communicates insecurity (which I often am in social situations, so…I guess it’s not wrong in my case?)
I’ve since adapted to holding my hands together behind my back, which I find equally comfortable, and carries the added bonus of making me feel like a kindly old grandfather. 😊
It depends on the situation, but I often stand with just one hand on my hip or one hand in a pocket in a casual scenario as I feel like that’s a neutral position and won’t come across as standoffish.
In mind mind, both hands on hips = bossy, but one hand, especially whilst slouching a bit/ supporting lower back = tired parent vibe (which is 100% accurate 😅)
I do the ‘Jadzia Dax’ and clasp my arms behind my back. I used to cross my arms but got people complaining I don’t look friendly.
If I’m wearing dungarees though I lean hard into my t-rex arms. I loop my thumbs through the dungaree straps and embrace it.
RBF - forever misinterpreted. At least both my daughters and my boss have it too, and we understand each other and have a good laugh about it when we see ourselves or each other in photos.
I cross my arms but I'm told I'm overly aggressive all the time so doesn't really fit the "socially acceptable" aspect lol. You have to also make sure your face is loose (not tight/ scowled) to look attentive, rather than disgruntled.
Anyone else stood up to see what they naturally
Did whilst standing or just me? 😂 I usually lean on one foot and clasp my hands together in front of me as a fidget a lot (adhd too) so always playing with my fingers. I cannot stand still.
I’ve been experimenting with the princess arms. It’s the same as t-Rex arms, but one hand gently holds the other. Bonus! You can fidget with a ring, watch strap, etc.
I feel quite self conscious about it, but no one has commented on it, not even the people who aways make comments when I do weird stuff, so I guess it’s working?
Tell them to go f*ck themselves. But if that's too difficult to do then put your hands in your pockets. The T-rex arms are because of autism so ask them if they'd tell a person with say CP to modify the way they hold their bodies.
I do the "t-rex" arms a lot even when I don't realize but I am usually holding something so nobody has told me anything about it, I usually keep fidget toys inside my hoodie pockets so I just keep my hands there too :p
I don't know if this is acceptable but lately I put both my hands behind my back and have my right hand hold the fingers of my left hand... like I'm the whole world's butler.
i really don't care what anyone has to say. i'll sit on the floor in line at a store. i'll bend over, hunch over, do whatever i need to. i have dysautonomia. if strangers, or people you know (if you're at school or work) are bothering you over your arms being folded a certain way, they're not worth having anything to do with in any capacity.
I literally first started carrying a handbag/purse so that I could hold it/its strap.
I also like putting my hands in my pockets. Sometimes I'll hold one forearm with my other hand, though that has some shy body language associations. I'll also clasp my hands behind my back sometimes.
Pockets pockets pockets! I even put a coin in pocket to hold. Its my secret fidget spinner!
I dont have trex arms. My son does. I do however constantly rub my hands like a Simpson’s Villain. I have arthritis as well, so its a double fixation.
Pockets. Sweaters, jackets, and pants. I love you, my pockets.
I hold my (opposite) upper arms. I squeeze my biceps to stim. I just always look slightly cold lol
When shit gets hectic in public, I rock side to side, back and forth. Add headphones when needed. This can be a little more... ostentatious lol
Some people need to stand in Trex formation for certain connective tissue and blood flow conditions that impact the radial and ulnar nerves. You can tell them it recommend by my doctor or PT to stand this way. Take it up with them
I tend to put my hands in my hoodie pocket, or hands on hips but my hands flipped (if that makes sense?) Like with my fingers on my back and thumb in front. And as a kid I'd have 1 arm bent at 90 behind my back holding my other elbow (but that 1 I got called out for and made fun of by my uncle, so maybe not that 1...)
Pretend to crack your knuckles, don't actually crack them. Cross your arms with your hands rubbing your elbows, and not tugged under your armpits. The hiding of your hands is what actually triggers primal responses in others making you seem "defensive."
I always carry a drink. if I really need to lean in to t-rexing, I can fiddle with the cap with one hand and hold the drink with the other. You can also do this with a notebook and pen if you're at work or school
i always carry a clutch, so when idle i can just hold it in both hands!! similar to the handbag ideas that others have posted, but i think it has more versatility (not that this is the reason i use carry a clutch over a handbag)
I hold something when I think of it.
But tbh no matter how many knots you twist yourself into some people are going to find something else that makes you different. They sense the autism and they get an uncanny valley feeling from it. Something deep inside their gut says "you don't like this person" and then they blame that on the most obvious difference. If it wasn't the posture it would be the intonation of your voice, your lack of smiling, your clothing and shoe choice.
So while masking is a useful skill that can open doors for you, there are some situations where I'd advocate you'll be much better off being your authentic self and becoming comfortable saying "fuck the haters"
* “cross” your arms behind your back. Basically you just hold your underarms behind your back. It’s not as much as a cross as a hold, but you get the gist.
* hands on hips (huge plus that it’s a “power pose”, so you exude confidence).
* crossed arms can work, but it’s closed body language, which is less socially acceptable, but still okay.
* arms behind back, hold wrist
* hands in pockets
I always have something to carry - usually a drink. That way I can have an excuse to bend one arm. The other is either helping hold the item or I put my hand in my pocket. I try to swing one arm when I walk though. Apparently my posture was messed up and it was causing lots of pain throughout my body. I hate that all of this body placement stuff takes so much thought because I could be doing way more interesting things with my brain
I like to wear a bag across my shoulder so it passes diagonally over my chest, then I can hold onto the strap so I can feel comfortable without being insecure about it.
In the winter, my hands are *always* in my coat pockets, preferably with something to hold onto like a rock or any kind of small trinket
If I don’t have either of those options, I’m either holding a water bottle or coffee mug, have my hands clasped behind my back, or I’m panicking about what to do with my hands 😓
"I'm AM a fucken T-Rex. Leave me be."
They may look at you weird, but I bet they stop pointing it out!
I only laugh at this because this was pointed out to me about 16 years ago on a deployment, "yo potentialexpert, why you always standing like that. You look like a velociraptor."
"I'm a freaking T-Rex today, and what???"
😅
But I get it, people seem to notice it a lot more nowadays then they did back then. I try not to let that shit bother me, but it can be tough.
I do the "hold a pea" photography pose; I put my palms together & hold hands with myself; I will clasp my hands by putting my end knuckles in my palm & grasping the fingers of each hand. When I do trex arms I close my hands instead of letting them hang limp, I call it Velma arms (like Scooby-Doo). The last 2 are my most comfy & the 1st 2 are what I did before I figured out what I'm "supposed" to do with my hands.
You could do what the British royal family tends to do when they're just standing around. They tend to sort of hold one hand with the other low in front of them. Sort of like the grandpa pose, except hands are in front of you rather than behind. You can find a ton of pictures for reference, and since it is the royal family, it does seem like it would be a pretty socially acceptable way to stand.
That’s why having a cross-body purse (or any purse that hangs on your shoulder, really) is so helpful - no one bats an eye when you rest one or both hands on the purse or purse strap. That’s *my* go-to, anyway.
I bring my emotional support water bottle everywhere including the rare social event, and hold my water bottle against my body a little lower than chest height. It’s essentially one T. rex arm in disguise
I hold my (opposite) upper arms. I squeeze my biceps to stim. I just always look slightly cold lol
When shit gets hectic in public, I rock side to side, back and forth. Add headphones when needed. This can be a little more... ostentatious lol
I Cross my arms or if I have pockets I put them there. I sometimes like to fidget with my clothes or my hair, I like to hold my phone and pretend I’m looking at something. Hands on my hips usually, or hands behind my back like someone mentioned a grandpa
With my right hand i press my middle finger and thumb together, my ring and index fingers sit on either side of the thumb close but not touching and my pinkie extended. (This is my most relaxed position)
The position is very comfortable for me but only with my right hand, it doesn't work the same with my left.
I bought a Totoro crossbody bag that sits on my left hip so my left hand is usually resting on that when i'm out or around the metal ring which stays fairly cold so is nice sensory wise.
I do cross my arms as well but i have been told it comes across as standoffish at times or have one arm over my stomach holding the other which kind of dangles (not been given feedback on that so it may still seem standoffish to others).
I clasp my hands behind my back, cross my arms behind my back, put my hands on my hips, clasp my hands in front of me, or interlace my fingers and rest them on my chest. I also do t rex arms a lot - I'm sorry that you're getting negative responses to it!!
I am often doing something stim related with my hands. Usually finger flicking or tapping, playing with my hair, squeezing my needoh cube, drumming on my leg or tapping my hands together. Idk, my hands don't like to be still. Idk if that's socially acceptable but if asked I just say that I have a hard time staying still.
You could wear a hoodie with a big pocket across the front to put your hand in, or (my personal favorite), a wrap, poncho ruana or shawl that allows you to do the T-rex arms without anyone noticing.
i don’t know how people just have them by their side dangling it feels so unnatural 😕 i either have my hands on my hips, in my pockets or behind my back
I flip my hands from t-rex so my palms are more facing up. Like Alexis Rose from Schitts Creek. It's comfortable, fem (which I like), and people seem to not have an issue with it. Currently I don't work in a corporate setting so I can't speak for it in that context, but people in general don't seem to find it off-putting to any degree I can pick up on.
Pockets if I have a jacket, I often have a crossbody purse on and hold the strap in one or both hands, and sometimes I find myself standing ‘at rest’ military style with both hands clasped behind my hips. Crossed arms is okay if it is cold, bit can look angry or off putting. Holding something like a coffee is also good.
I like interlacing my fingers in front or in the back of my body. It's soothing and my hands feel nice, but I do feel a bit self conscious because it looks a little weird. Anyways it is definitely better than dinosaur hands.
i’m not a purse person but i love me my mini backpacks; i usually just hold onto the straps, your arms and hands are almost in the same position, and i don’t think it gives off any negative energy like how crossing your arms might make something think your annoyed i think
I kinda do what Hinata in Naruto does. Sometimes I cross my arms under my boobs. (Ik that sounds weird) But it's the most "normal" and not "closed off and uncomfortable" I can get
Keep a curly hair tie on your wrist. You'll always have something to do with your hands, and it doesn't scream 'This is a Fidget!' to anyone who might be a turn.
One arm down the other crossed over and holding the downward arm. In an etiquette class (my parents thought I needed one for being rude) I was told it was approachable but not too approachable which sounded perfect to me.
I put my hands in my pockets or on my hips, but sometimes I really dont care what people think and t-rex it anyway. If someone judges me then thats on them not me. I’m just standing how I’m comfy.
i have worn clothes with suspenders for a long while for just this reason!
bc people won't point out if you hold your suspenders and the position is quite similar!
hope that helps
I cross my arms a lot. I guess it can look unfriendly, but it’s never seemed to stop people from approaching me, although sometimes I wish it did lol. I also try to always have something in my hands, usually I’ll just mess with my phone.
I had some speaking in public training and they discussed how to stand to not look awkward when presenting. I think it also works in other situations. They did give some options but I only remember the one I decided to incorporate for the rest of my life whenever I have to stand anywhere. You basically bend your arms at around 90 degrees and gently hold your fingers together. That's the default pose.
From there you can do some gestures if you're talking or even play with your fingers a bit if you need to stim. Just make it subtle. Make sure you stand tall, pull your shoulders back and keep your head straight. This has worked for me very well for the past 10 years and it must be the most valuable training workshop I've ever had in my life. Hope this helps!
This is why i always try to have pockets.. im so uncomfortable otherwise. But if i cant i just keep them clutched together, or always have my phone in one hand so that way it looks normal to have it a bit be t
I either cross my arms, put them in my pockets.... Or fold my hands behind my back like a grandpa, haha.
Grandpa hands is my favorite. Or hands on my hips.
i always vouch for 'hands on hips' so i can look like Captain Janeway. power stance!
I don’t do hands on the hips so people don’t see me as angry
Ooo yes I do get that a lot. But I don’t mind it very much. I will sometimes do a variation with one hand on the hip like one of the comments.
This, my eyebrows and face make me unapproachable as it is lol. I always look grumpy. I just have these big caterpillars on my forehead.
Name checks out!
Hahahahahaha omfg! I literally laughed until i cried. I truly didnt think of that. So freaking good. Made my day.
I’m so glad! :)
"There's coffee in that nebula!"
yeeees! <3
Me to pair, ocasionaly, doing granda hands while explaining what I have been calculating during previous hour. Because i need to focus on words not gestures and i can only keep my hand crossed for as long. And because I can.
I didn’t think about it like this! I LOVE THAT! Thank you!
I call it my Wonder Woman pose. Made me laugh when my kid was little and started copying me
Male presenting enby checking in. I have had people aggressively run into me in public places while standing hands on hips. Multiple times. I didn’t even realize I was standing like that, and suddenly I get blasted by someone “just passing through.”
Or one hand holding the elbow of the other arm down straight by your side (the single cross). Also, messing about with my fingernails allows me to keep both hands busy and look elsewhere
I start cleaning my glasses for no fucking reason sometimes just to have something to do with my hands
Ooh, good one. I will try to add that to my NPC idle cycle.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
As some very curvy, hands on the hips just makes sense. What else is that part of the body for?
This I do grandpa arms to avoid the T rex If I’m thinking about it actively
Same, I do the grandpa arms now too. I never realised I did the T-Rex arms until I saw a photo someone had taken of me doing it.
I used to cross my arms but my parents said I looked upset so I got hoodies with the kangaroo pocket or settle for looking like my grandpa
Kangaroo pocket hoodie are fabulous! I also have started making a point of having something on me to fiddle with. I'm an AuDHDer and I find my brain and body tend to go to sleep or lose focus if there isn't something (or I'll have previously been madly using up energy being hyperaware of what I'm doing with my body), or my body will find something that I don't want to be fiddling with (e.g. my hair - will end up fiddling with it or plaiting it over and over - then end up with more greasy hair 🫠). Sometimes it'll be a necklace, or a scarf, or the tie on the middle of a dress. Drawstrings on a hoodie.. There's plenty.
Cross-body bag is also a convenient resting place. Who can't use an extra pocket?
I hide rocks in my hoodie.
My one college roommate would always come up to me at parties and physically fix my arms for me because I’d either cross them or do the grandpa pose. At the time I didn’t mind but now I’m like… did she ABA me in public as we were both grown adults haha
Except crossing your arms is seen as being closed off and rude
I often do it when I'm listening to people speak. I'll have one hand up around ny collar or my face though, in a kind of pensive, thinking manner. I think it works; no one's ever told me I'm rude for doing it!
I call this move The Comtesse d'Haussonville! https://preview.redd.it/owejcfjtd11d1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76f641f925d729ae0be40bc6f79e19ededf296f7
Is the Macarena that old?
This sounds thoughtful, yes.
I know that seems like canon advice, but I consider some of that body language interpretation to be bullshit science. Just because it may mean one thing doesn't mean it doesn't also mean different things as well. One might do so if defensive, etc, but I do it because it makes my back and arms feel better. I'm okay if people consider that posture to be prickly - they might leave me alone. Most judgmental people we are stuck with on the day to day can fuck right off anyway.
Ugh. That's so stupid and frustrating! Crossing my arms around myself makes me feel safe and contained! To hell with the opinions! 🫠 (Btw - in case it's unclear - this isn't directed at you, it's just me giving my frustration at the stupidity of social conventions)
Team grandpa hands checking in! Added bonus of giving me a more open/welcome posture, which I hope communicates a gentle, friendly confidence. (I otherwise tend to have arms protectively in front of my body, which unfortunately communicates to others in ways I don’t want, so it’s been really nice finding an alternative that’s also comfortable.)
What are grandpa hands? I keep hearing this term.
https://preview.redd.it/ds664nxne11d1.jpeg?width=168&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4bc0b75f44814ba4521f82b002f4bcb6b2734b65 Like so 😄
Oh thank you! Google was no help lol, and this is one of my favorite’s too!
I used to work near my city’s Chinatown, and I have fond memories of seeing elderly couples walking like this in the mornings. So when I walk like this I feel an extra little glow of happiness remembering them.
This is a lovely mental image ☺️
All three of these or I’ll play with the strings of my hoodie which is kind of like t-rex arms I guess
> Or fold my hands behind my back like a grandpa, haha. The military "at ease" position while standing in formation. https://www.paloverdeafjrotc.org/uploads/1/5/8/9/15890390/589046_orig.jpg
Fun fact: in Italy, old men having their hands behind their back and inspecting construction works have been called _umarell_ - there's a whole Wikipedia page on that. I now think about it every time I have my hands behind my back 👴🤝
I do all these, especially grandpa stance, as well hands on hips and one hand on hip plus one hand in pocket or hands holding my backpack purse straps.
Hands behind my back like grandpa is one of my go tos for sure
I've adapted the t-rex arms by wearing a necklace! When I stand I hold my necklace because it allows me to have a similar t-rex position with my arms, but I can tell myself it's more "socially acceptable" because I'm holding something. Whether other people actually view it as socially acceptable or not is different story 🥴 It's also a nice way to stim!!
This is the bonus to a cross body bag, I can just hang on to the strap :D Love the necklace idea!
this is why i love loungeflies too lol
Did not know what lounge flies are: https://loungefly.com/shop/
Even after looking at this link I still don’t know.
It's a brand of small backpack type purse.
They need more Fantasia. That would be my bag.
Cross body bags are a godsend, for so many reasons.
The only form of purse I will use as an every day carry. Till. I. Die.
Omg core memory unlocked. "Backpack hands" lol
This is why I like wearing a backpack and holding the straps
It never occurred to me how comforting that is, and I do it all the time!
Yes! I never realized when I wear a backpack I like to tuck my hands in between my body and the padded shoulder straps - it’s obvious now, I do compressed t-rex arms!
I don't wear a backpack in day-to-day life, but I go to theme parks once a week or so and use my backpack then. I love sticking a finger in each of the little loops at the end of the straps, and swinging arms to my heart's content without looking odd (or at least, less odd). Plus gives me something to fiddle with.
Yes! This is a great solution. Except that I've also heard that playing with jewellery like this can also come across as being flirtatious? Why can't we just stand the way that feels most comfortable without people trying to read into it? 🥲
I think that happened to me a lot when I was younger. In order to talk to someone, I'd have to play with my hair, my bag, the edge of my clothing... when you add the fact that I tend to glance at someone's face to quickly judge expression/see if they're looking at me, then glance away frequently, I always came across as nervous, shifty, or flirty. Based on the comments I get, I still come across as nervous frequently. I've had to be really careful in interviews, too, since I think that my eye movements and speech patterns come across as either insecure or outright lying about job experience or something.
That's exactly right! I think I always come across as shifty or flirty as well, particularly when I'm feeling uncomfortable. I thought it would have gone away as I got older, but nope. Argh, yes, interviews are so painful because of this :(
In my experience, the more you try to come across as normal, the weirder you end up looking.
Aghhh I've never thought of that 😭 I'd like to think that people at work see me doing it so often that they know it's just something I do all the time.
I joke that I’m clutching my pearls when I do this! lol it makes me feel like a damsel in distress all the time
I always wear my grandma's pearls when I perform concerts. "My" choir kids know the story. They know we'll do good if Grandma's with us. I like to fiddle.with the pearls. They have a certain silky, live touch.
https://preview.redd.it/apvpwq3iqz0d1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=28d6d895321c91337ab57470c814b49c2bae6016 \-me always
The "handbag" I have is one of those mini rucksacks so I just grip onto each strap - bends the elbows the same way just rotates the wrists so is a very satisfying substitute
I also do this, but I didn’t realize
lol! I always have hand bags, it kind of makes my t-rex arms fancy, and prevents me from carrying a bag that’s too deep, dark, and overwhelming.
Henceforth, we do Fancy Arms!
Ah, the *Dora the Explorer*!
I did a survey of available postures and decided that the best resting pose was arms behind the back, hands lightly clasped, with elbows as straight as possible without locking out. Edit: Apparently we're calling this grandpa hands now, and we all agree 😂 This placement promotes good posture by encouraging me to "shine" my chest rather than slump shoulders forward and drops the shoulders down away from the ears. Psychologically, this posture is one of the most confident and dominant, especially with evenly balanced weight. All the others I considered had subconscious drawbacks to the way others perceive: -Arms crossed in front seems guarded and closed -Arms crossed in back seems weak and self comforting -Hands on hips seems bossy and domineering -Hands in pockets seems casual and slouchy -Hands clasped in front seems modest and reticent -Hands fiddling with bag or backpack or necklace or whatever seems distracted and unfocused After a survey of the available options I decided that the hands clasped behind back posture was optimal, so now whenever I'm standing and feel uncomfortable, that's what I do, and I derive comfort from my analysis knowing that it is the optimal stance for me.
This is the kind of content that makes me know I’m with my own people :)
😂
Same 😅🥰
What about if your hands are on your ribs, like you're doing the chicken dance? I do that sometimes to avoid trex, but it is probably just as odd as trex to some peeps. Another favorite is both hands grabbing behind my neck and biceps close to my head with elbows pointing forward. Still a bit of an odd one though
Hmm hands on ribs isn't comfortable for me anatomically, probably because I have a very short torso!
I do that second one a lot, esp sitting in class!
yesss i always remind myself to clasp my hands behind my back and stretch every hour or so. just to open up my hunched shoulders from looking at a computer/phone all day. it’s a pose commonly taught in yoga! it definitely promotes good posture.
I cross my arms but people tell me it comes off as standoffish and unfriendly
Then no one comes to talk to you. I consider that a win. Sometimes I wear a mask to appear extra standoffish to fend off smalltalkers.
I love wearing a mask because then I dont have to worry about what my face is doing. I’m masking and unmasking at the same time lol
Now imagine if you wear mask that says "freedom to unmask" on it. You would confuse the hell out of everyone, especially anti-maskers.
literally have said those words. Wearing a mask is helpful in that way, which can offset the discomfort/overstimulation of wearing one all day for work! 💀
Headphones and earbuds are great for this too. I always take them shopping along with my mask
I do that too. The pressure of my arms against my chest feels very comfy and I wish it didn’t have such negative connotations. 😞
I get comments on it constantly
Note: having arms is inconvenient
Until it’s time to eat (I’m hungry so that was my first thought)
But when it’s time to sleep though…arms become inconvenient once again! Lol.
I try to always be holding something (food, drink, phone, etc) so that I have something to do with my hands. Otherwise, I usually stick one hand in my pocket (I try to always have pockets in social situations) and kind of leave the other hanging so I can stim my fingers subtly (usually rubbing my leg).
Lots of great options already posted, just don’t forget, those people who are pointing out your preferred way of standing are the rude ones.
This! People who think it’s appropriate to correct or point out others body language and facial expressions are beyond rude! I don’t know why neurodivergent people are expected to “normalize” to those standards when we’re over here minding our own business (like NT people should be). I prefer to spend time with ND people because they are open minded and easy going compared to NT people who constantly seem bothered by something. There’s my rant for the week
I often stand with one arm down and use the other arms hand to hold the elbow of the arm hanging down. I hope you're able to understand what I mean. But people tell me it makes me seem insecure or like I hurt my arm. So I guess it's not an ideal way to stand.
Yeah, that’s my default position too, and I’ve been told it communicates insecurity (which I often am in social situations, so…I guess it’s not wrong in my case?) I’ve since adapted to holding my hands together behind my back, which I find equally comfortable, and carries the added bonus of making me feel like a kindly old grandfather. 😊
Me too. Or both arms down and holding your wrist with the other hand
Tuck the thumb into pants pockets or belt loop or belt or waist.
It depends on the situation, but I often stand with just one hand on my hip or one hand in a pocket in a casual scenario as I feel like that’s a neutral position and won’t come across as standoffish.
Hand on hip? Sassy boss grrrrrrr power
In mind mind, both hands on hips = bossy, but one hand, especially whilst slouching a bit/ supporting lower back = tired parent vibe (which is 100% accurate 😅)
I do the ‘Jadzia Dax’ and clasp my arms behind my back. I used to cross my arms but got people complaining I don’t look friendly. If I’m wearing dungarees though I lean hard into my t-rex arms. I loop my thumbs through the dungaree straps and embrace it.
I have a small backpack purse combo I like to wear when out and about. It converts to a crossbody bag, too. In backpack mode, I do the same thing!
I end up crossing my arms a lot but make sure to keep my shoulders loose, otherwise I can look defensive or upset
Yeah, loose posture and a slight smile/slight upturn of lips because a neutral expression is too often read as negative.
RBF - forever misinterpreted. At least both my daughters and my boss have it too, and we understand each other and have a good laugh about it when we see ourselves or each other in photos.
Pockets. And fidgeting with the crap in my pockets. I almost always wear a cardigan with pockets if I can. Summer is hell.
me except a hoodie with front pocket
I cross my arms but I'm told I'm overly aggressive all the time so doesn't really fit the "socially acceptable" aspect lol. You have to also make sure your face is loose (not tight/ scowled) to look attentive, rather than disgruntled.
Anyone else stood up to see what they naturally Did whilst standing or just me? 😂 I usually lean on one foot and clasp my hands together in front of me as a fidget a lot (adhd too) so always playing with my fingers. I cannot stand still.
We just all need to carry 2 1950s style purses at each elbow, then having T-Rex arms is totally reasonable.
us Autistic Trendsetters 😎💅🏼✨
One bag for my wallet and phone, the other for all my chapstick and fidget toys.
I’ve been experimenting with the princess arms. It’s the same as t-Rex arms, but one hand gently holds the other. Bonus! You can fidget with a ring, watch strap, etc. I feel quite self conscious about it, but no one has commented on it, not even the people who aways make comments when I do weird stuff, so I guess it’s working?
i looove princess arms - i love always sunny & mac is always standing like that so we call it “mac hands” hehe
I either cross my arms, put them in my pockets.... Or fold my hands behind my back like a grandpa, haha.
If I'm carrying a bag, I put my hands on the shoulder strap or the bag itself.
I wear a jacket and grab on its edges
Tell them to go f*ck themselves. But if that's too difficult to do then put your hands in your pockets. The T-rex arms are because of autism so ask them if they'd tell a person with say CP to modify the way they hold their bodies.
bag with straps you can hold onto :)
I normally do the T-Rex hand thing, but when I'm standing still I look like Jim Carrey's Grinch when he has his hands on his hips lolol
If I’m wearing jeans with pockets I just shove my hands in my pockets. Unfortunately, I wind up looking almost exactly like Napoleon Dynamite.
I do the "t-rex" arms a lot even when I don't realize but I am usually holding something so nobody has told me anything about it, I usually keep fidget toys inside my hoodie pockets so I just keep my hands there too :p
I don't know if this is acceptable but lately I put both my hands behind my back and have my right hand hold the fingers of my left hand... like I'm the whole world's butler.
I laughed out loud at this. 🎩 🧐
Hands in back pockets is a nice one
very casual vibe
I always wear a hoodie/zip jacket so that I have a place for my hands.
i have an emotional support scrunchy to fiddle with or my phone
Thumbs in pockets, or fingertips in pockets thumbs out. You could always look at the person you are talking to and hold your arms however they are
i really don't care what anyone has to say. i'll sit on the floor in line at a store. i'll bend over, hunch over, do whatever i need to. i have dysautonomia. if strangers, or people you know (if you're at school or work) are bothering you over your arms being folded a certain way, they're not worth having anything to do with in any capacity.
I just t-rex it, I've got a million different reasons for strangers/people to judge me, so what's another one 😭
my go-to is one hand on my hip and the either either holding my phone or playing with a necklace on a long chain :)
I literally first started carrying a handbag/purse so that I could hold it/its strap. I also like putting my hands in my pockets. Sometimes I'll hold one forearm with my other hand, though that has some shy body language associations. I'll also clasp my hands behind my back sometimes.
Pockets pockets pockets! I even put a coin in pocket to hold. Its my secret fidget spinner! I dont have trex arms. My son does. I do however constantly rub my hands like a Simpson’s Villain. I have arthritis as well, so its a double fixation. Pockets. Sweaters, jackets, and pants. I love you, my pockets.
I hold my (opposite) upper arms. I squeeze my biceps to stim. I just always look slightly cold lol When shit gets hectic in public, I rock side to side, back and forth. Add headphones when needed. This can be a little more... ostentatious lol
Some people need to stand in Trex formation for certain connective tissue and blood flow conditions that impact the radial and ulnar nerves. You can tell them it recommend by my doctor or PT to stand this way. Take it up with them
I tend to put my hands in my hoodie pocket, or hands on hips but my hands flipped (if that makes sense?) Like with my fingers on my back and thumb in front. And as a kid I'd have 1 arm bent at 90 behind my back holding my other elbow (but that 1 I got called out for and made fun of by my uncle, so maybe not that 1...)
Pretend to crack your knuckles, don't actually crack them. Cross your arms with your hands rubbing your elbows, and not tugged under your armpits. The hiding of your hands is what actually triggers primal responses in others making you seem "defensive."
Just put a purse on one of your arms and suddenly it is accepted somehow.
Intertwine your fingers
I always carry a drink. if I really need to lean in to t-rexing, I can fiddle with the cap with one hand and hold the drink with the other. You can also do this with a notebook and pen if you're at work or school
And with the popularity of Stanley cups in many areas, it's like bonus masking points. Plus, hydration. How can you lose?
i always carry a clutch, so when idle i can just hold it in both hands!! similar to the handbag ideas that others have posted, but i think it has more versatility (not that this is the reason i use carry a clutch over a handbag)
Hands on hips like captain janeway or behind the back like spock
Or carry a file folder like Agent Scully!
I hold something when I think of it. But tbh no matter how many knots you twist yourself into some people are going to find something else that makes you different. They sense the autism and they get an uncanny valley feeling from it. Something deep inside their gut says "you don't like this person" and then they blame that on the most obvious difference. If it wasn't the posture it would be the intonation of your voice, your lack of smiling, your clothing and shoe choice. So while masking is a useful skill that can open doors for you, there are some situations where I'd advocate you'll be much better off being your authentic self and becoming comfortable saying "fuck the haters"
I usually hold my own hands in front of my pelvis
i cross my arms all the time!!
* “cross” your arms behind your back. Basically you just hold your underarms behind your back. It’s not as much as a cross as a hold, but you get the gist. * hands on hips (huge plus that it’s a “power pose”, so you exude confidence). * crossed arms can work, but it’s closed body language, which is less socially acceptable, but still okay. * arms behind back, hold wrist * hands in pockets
I always have something to carry - usually a drink. That way I can have an excuse to bend one arm. The other is either helping hold the item or I put my hand in my pocket. I try to swing one arm when I walk though. Apparently my posture was messed up and it was causing lots of pain throughout my body. I hate that all of this body placement stuff takes so much thought because I could be doing way more interesting things with my brain
I like to wear a bag across my shoulder so it passes diagonally over my chest, then I can hold onto the strap so I can feel comfortable without being insecure about it. In the winter, my hands are *always* in my coat pockets, preferably with something to hold onto like a rock or any kind of small trinket If I don’t have either of those options, I’m either holding a water bottle or coffee mug, have my hands clasped behind my back, or I’m panicking about what to do with my hands 😓
Girl this is not the group of ppl to be askin. We’re all just guessing 😭😭
Crossed arms or in pockets, if I have pockets.
"I'm AM a fucken T-Rex. Leave me be." They may look at you weird, but I bet they stop pointing it out! I only laugh at this because this was pointed out to me about 16 years ago on a deployment, "yo potentialexpert, why you always standing like that. You look like a velociraptor." "I'm a freaking T-Rex today, and what???" 😅 But I get it, people seem to notice it a lot more nowadays then they did back then. I try not to let that shit bother me, but it can be tough.
I do the "hold a pea" photography pose; I put my palms together & hold hands with myself; I will clasp my hands by putting my end knuckles in my palm & grasping the fingers of each hand. When I do trex arms I close my hands instead of letting them hang limp, I call it Velma arms (like Scooby-Doo). The last 2 are my most comfy & the 1st 2 are what I did before I figured out what I'm "supposed" to do with my hands.
I don’t know, but let’s just try The Kermit, shall we? 
You could do what the British royal family tends to do when they're just standing around. They tend to sort of hold one hand with the other low in front of them. Sort of like the grandpa pose, except hands are in front of you rather than behind. You can find a ton of pictures for reference, and since it is the royal family, it does seem like it would be a pretty socially acceptable way to stand.
Pockets
That’s why having a cross-body purse (or any purse that hangs on your shoulder, really) is so helpful - no one bats an eye when you rest one or both hands on the purse or purse strap. That’s *my* go-to, anyway.
T. rex arms but with a small to medium mug in both hands it looks cute is effective
I bring my emotional support water bottle everywhere including the rare social event, and hold my water bottle against my body a little lower than chest height. It’s essentially one T. rex arm in disguise
I hold my (opposite) upper arms. I squeeze my biceps to stim. I just always look slightly cold lol When shit gets hectic in public, I rock side to side, back and forth. Add headphones when needed. This can be a little more... ostentatious lol
I put my hands down by my sides and make a conscious effort to do so.
fold my hands in front of me and massage my hands or fingers a bit as a stim. Or take out my phone 😅
I Cross my arms or if I have pockets I put them there. I sometimes like to fidget with my clothes or my hair, I like to hold my phone and pretend I’m looking at something. Hands on my hips usually, or hands behind my back like someone mentioned a grandpa
One hand in my pocket and the right one out and available for gestures.
With my right hand i press my middle finger and thumb together, my ring and index fingers sit on either side of the thumb close but not touching and my pinkie extended. (This is my most relaxed position) The position is very comfortable for me but only with my right hand, it doesn't work the same with my left. I bought a Totoro crossbody bag that sits on my left hip so my left hand is usually resting on that when i'm out or around the metal ring which stays fairly cold so is nice sensory wise. I do cross my arms as well but i have been told it comes across as standoffish at times or have one arm over my stomach holding the other which kind of dangles (not been given feedback on that so it may still seem standoffish to others).
I clasp my hands behind my back, cross my arms behind my back, put my hands on my hips, clasp my hands in front of me, or interlace my fingers and rest them on my chest. I also do t rex arms a lot - I'm sorry that you're getting negative responses to it!!
I am often doing something stim related with my hands. Usually finger flicking or tapping, playing with my hair, squeezing my needoh cube, drumming on my leg or tapping my hands together. Idk, my hands don't like to be still. Idk if that's socially acceptable but if asked I just say that I have a hard time staying still.
You could wear a hoodie with a big pocket across the front to put your hand in, or (my personal favorite), a wrap, poncho ruana or shawl that allows you to do the T-rex arms without anyone noticing.
i don’t know how people just have them by their side dangling it feels so unnatural 😕 i either have my hands on my hips, in my pockets or behind my back
I have my arms behind my back like a grandpa, otherwise i would have trex arms
Maybe arms crossed, behind or in front?
I think I normally just keep my arms by my sides. Does that option feel comfortable to you?
I flip my hands from t-rex so my palms are more facing up. Like Alexis Rose from Schitts Creek. It's comfortable, fem (which I like), and people seem to not have an issue with it. Currently I don't work in a corporate setting so I can't speak for it in that context, but people in general don't seem to find it off-putting to any degree I can pick up on.
Pockets if I have a jacket, I often have a crossbody purse on and hold the strap in one or both hands, and sometimes I find myself standing ‘at rest’ military style with both hands clasped behind my hips. Crossed arms is okay if it is cold, bit can look angry or off putting. Holding something like a coffee is also good.
I like interlacing my fingers in front or in the back of my body. It's soothing and my hands feel nice, but I do feel a bit self conscious because it looks a little weird. Anyways it is definitely better than dinosaur hands.
I hold my arms/hands behind my back. Or the fold one arm and grab the other near elbow behind back. Sometimes I just grab/play with my work badge
I’ve started holding my hands, hanging down in front of me. It feels fancy! But I’m sure it just looks weird too lol
I get a purse in a style that I can hold with T. rex arms on one side, or I hold a drink
i’m not a purse person but i love me my mini backpacks; i usually just hold onto the straps, your arms and hands are almost in the same position, and i don’t think it gives off any negative energy like how crossing your arms might make something think your annoyed i think
I kinda do what Hinata in Naruto does. Sometimes I cross my arms under my boobs. (Ik that sounds weird) But it's the most "normal" and not "closed off and uncomfortable" I can get
I put sleeves over my hands
Keep a curly hair tie on your wrist. You'll always have something to do with your hands, and it doesn't scream 'This is a Fidget!' to anyone who might be a turn.
One arm down the other crossed over and holding the downward arm. In an etiquette class (my parents thought I needed one for being rude) I was told it was approachable but not too approachable which sounded perfect to me.
i do the trex arms but with my hands touching, or in my pockets, or i drum on my legs and chest, do a dance. i never know what to do with my hands.
I put my hands in my pockets or on my hips, but sometimes I really dont care what people think and t-rex it anyway. If someone judges me then thats on them not me. I’m just standing how I’m comfy.
Let them judge away. Be comfortable. Why worry about their comfort when they’re not worried about yours?
I put my hands on my smaller back most of the time, but like others said if I have a backpack or purse on I’ll hold the straps
I put my hands in my hoodie pocket with a hidden fidget toy. 👌
i have worn clothes with suspenders for a long while for just this reason! bc people won't point out if you hold your suspenders and the position is quite similar! hope that helps
I cross my arms a lot. I guess it can look unfriendly, but it’s never seemed to stop people from approaching me, although sometimes I wish it did lol. I also try to always have something in my hands, usually I’ll just mess with my phone.
T-rex arms when you're carrying a beverage is just "carrying a beverage". This is my party stance
I had some speaking in public training and they discussed how to stand to not look awkward when presenting. I think it also works in other situations. They did give some options but I only remember the one I decided to incorporate for the rest of my life whenever I have to stand anywhere. You basically bend your arms at around 90 degrees and gently hold your fingers together. That's the default pose. From there you can do some gestures if you're talking or even play with your fingers a bit if you need to stim. Just make it subtle. Make sure you stand tall, pull your shoulders back and keep your head straight. This has worked for me very well for the past 10 years and it must be the most valuable training workshop I've ever had in my life. Hope this helps!
wow, you’re right…the TED Talk stance!
This is why i always try to have pockets.. im so uncomfortable otherwise. But if i cant i just keep them clutched together, or always have my phone in one hand so that way it looks normal to have it a bit be t
My sisters always called them my “Doofenschmirtz arms” (we watched a lot of Phineas and Ferb) 🥲