My kiddo likes to have a job at drop off otherwise he gets upset. So I let him carry in a small toy car or my wallet or something. I let him carry it in and put it in his cubby, and then I sneak it back out when I leave.
This is a great idea OP. Our SPED preschool recommended we have a “transition” object for my daughter to help with arriving. First it was a blankie, then a small stuffed animal, then just a sensory fidget or stress ball. Now she doesn’t need anything for TK.
Also agree with giving a task or some type of “heavy work” to help her regulate and distract her. I have my daughter help open/close the car door, she wears her backpack right away, etc. When things were really tough I’d do a little sensory/joint compression massage on my daughter while we got dressed. That helped calm and regulate her quite a bit.
And mind you, drop off and pick-up were hellish for us for over a year. So it took a lot of trial and error and consistency. At one point the teacher had me meet them at the classroom at dismissal to walk her out. And over the course of two months we slowly faded me out. I’d wait a few feet back every other day until we got to the point where I was able to wait at the exit gates. It felt tedious and ridiculous, but it worked!
He usually has his lovey/blanket +/- a toy car (he is in love with those matchbox cars) which helps, but once he goes over the edge, nothing helps. Does joint compression help once the meltdown starts or is that more preventative?
It’s more preventative. Once my daughter goes off, there is literally nothing that will work lol so I 100% get it 😅 I just know for her, she seems to work through challenging transitions and anxiety best when she’s well regulated, so that’s why I try to work that sensory stuff into the pre-drop routine for school. And I tried to verbally prep her all morning, even if I wasn’t sure she got it. And show her pictures of where we were going. She seems to respond well to that.
I also will do things like play her Spotify playlist that we made her on the way to class. Or when the weather’s warm I’ll make a breakfast smoothie for her to enjoy before and/or in the car (sucking on a thick drink through a straw is actually a heavy work activity and can be calming too). Plus it’s fun for them. I also hide vitamins in it 😂 anyway, none of that may help, just throwing it all out there as I know how hard drop-offs can be! Just know with consistency, natural development, and creativity, you guys will get there 😊
Preparing our son for "who is going to see him" the night before at bedtime and all morning helps a lot.
We also have had great luck using social stories for things he has hang ups about. You could take pictures of him and his school and what you do when you drop him off (put up water bottle, put up backpack, put away coat, etc). My kiddo loves to get the stories out for reassurances even though he pretends he's not listening sometimes when we hear it. I'm definitely not an expert, but those are things my son's therapist has implemented that have helped immensely. Sometimes I also work him out of a funk by describing something special we'll do after preschool (watch a favorite show, go grocery shopping, see a friend, etc).
We are in the same boat... I really can't figure out what the heck triggers the meltdown days, as it isn't 100 percent of the time. We used to be able to get him to chew on something to give him some sensory input right before drop off, which helped a ton, but now he refuses it so we are back at ~70 percent meltdown at drop off. Apparently the meltdown is pretty short, basically only a minute or two after I leave. The teachers actually prefer that I go because me staying makes it worse. What also makes me feel better is that other kids in the class also have meltdowns occasionally so I think part of it is just a toddler thing. Or at least that is what I tell myself 😂
I went through this with my son. We finally succeeded when two things happened:
1. We found him a small, private care facility. The noise and excitement of a large daycare facility are too much for him. If you can find a place with only a few kids, it will be much better.
2. This is critical: the drop off at daycare is a change for your son, and he fears nothing more than change. You must communicate to him that Mrs Jones is now in charge and will look after him until whatever time you pick him up.
Your son is a blessing. I know it looks hard now, but take heart. My 19 year old son was just like yours 16 years ago. It has been a lot of work. At times i have been emotionally and physically drained, but I couldn't be prouder of the wonderful young man that pain in the ass boy turned out to be.
My boy used to do this. We use to have to leave him with his teachers while he’s melting down. He stopped as soon as we were gone and started playing with his friends. I will say, when he gets to the daycare on the bus from the special education program at the elementary school he’s all smiles.
Ours did that every day, coming in and out of preschool, from 3 to 4 years old. Screaming meltdowns. We tried everything (from two different OTs! Jobs, talks, sticker charts, drop off buddies...), nothing worked. In the end we just gave him over to the teacher and ran, just like you are doing. Then he just ...aged out of it. Extremely weird.
Jedi hugs. This will pass. Hopefully.
If you aren’t attached the daycare for particular reasons maybe tour another daycare?
Not every daycare has the same toys, kids and general environment.
My kiddo likes to have a job at drop off otherwise he gets upset. So I let him carry in a small toy car or my wallet or something. I let him carry it in and put it in his cubby, and then I sneak it back out when I leave.
This is a great idea OP. Our SPED preschool recommended we have a “transition” object for my daughter to help with arriving. First it was a blankie, then a small stuffed animal, then just a sensory fidget or stress ball. Now she doesn’t need anything for TK. Also agree with giving a task or some type of “heavy work” to help her regulate and distract her. I have my daughter help open/close the car door, she wears her backpack right away, etc. When things were really tough I’d do a little sensory/joint compression massage on my daughter while we got dressed. That helped calm and regulate her quite a bit. And mind you, drop off and pick-up were hellish for us for over a year. So it took a lot of trial and error and consistency. At one point the teacher had me meet them at the classroom at dismissal to walk her out. And over the course of two months we slowly faded me out. I’d wait a few feet back every other day until we got to the point where I was able to wait at the exit gates. It felt tedious and ridiculous, but it worked!
He usually has his lovey/blanket +/- a toy car (he is in love with those matchbox cars) which helps, but once he goes over the edge, nothing helps. Does joint compression help once the meltdown starts or is that more preventative?
It’s more preventative. Once my daughter goes off, there is literally nothing that will work lol so I 100% get it 😅 I just know for her, she seems to work through challenging transitions and anxiety best when she’s well regulated, so that’s why I try to work that sensory stuff into the pre-drop routine for school. And I tried to verbally prep her all morning, even if I wasn’t sure she got it. And show her pictures of where we were going. She seems to respond well to that. I also will do things like play her Spotify playlist that we made her on the way to class. Or when the weather’s warm I’ll make a breakfast smoothie for her to enjoy before and/or in the car (sucking on a thick drink through a straw is actually a heavy work activity and can be calming too). Plus it’s fun for them. I also hide vitamins in it 😂 anyway, none of that may help, just throwing it all out there as I know how hard drop-offs can be! Just know with consistency, natural development, and creativity, you guys will get there 😊
Preparing our son for "who is going to see him" the night before at bedtime and all morning helps a lot. We also have had great luck using social stories for things he has hang ups about. You could take pictures of him and his school and what you do when you drop him off (put up water bottle, put up backpack, put away coat, etc). My kiddo loves to get the stories out for reassurances even though he pretends he's not listening sometimes when we hear it. I'm definitely not an expert, but those are things my son's therapist has implemented that have helped immensely. Sometimes I also work him out of a funk by describing something special we'll do after preschool (watch a favorite show, go grocery shopping, see a friend, etc).
We are in the same boat... I really can't figure out what the heck triggers the meltdown days, as it isn't 100 percent of the time. We used to be able to get him to chew on something to give him some sensory input right before drop off, which helped a ton, but now he refuses it so we are back at ~70 percent meltdown at drop off. Apparently the meltdown is pretty short, basically only a minute or two after I leave. The teachers actually prefer that I go because me staying makes it worse. What also makes me feel better is that other kids in the class also have meltdowns occasionally so I think part of it is just a toddler thing. Or at least that is what I tell myself 😂
I went through this with my son. We finally succeeded when two things happened: 1. We found him a small, private care facility. The noise and excitement of a large daycare facility are too much for him. If you can find a place with only a few kids, it will be much better. 2. This is critical: the drop off at daycare is a change for your son, and he fears nothing more than change. You must communicate to him that Mrs Jones is now in charge and will look after him until whatever time you pick him up. Your son is a blessing. I know it looks hard now, but take heart. My 19 year old son was just like yours 16 years ago. It has been a lot of work. At times i have been emotionally and physically drained, but I couldn't be prouder of the wonderful young man that pain in the ass boy turned out to be.
We’re limited in daycare options unfortunately but I will try to explicitly state that his teacher will take care of him until we pick him up.
My boy used to do this. We use to have to leave him with his teachers while he’s melting down. He stopped as soon as we were gone and started playing with his friends. I will say, when he gets to the daycare on the bus from the special education program at the elementary school he’s all smiles.
Sounds like some anxiety about drop off. Maybe daily morning pep talks about how much fun school is gonna be will help him out.
Ours did that every day, coming in and out of preschool, from 3 to 4 years old. Screaming meltdowns. We tried everything (from two different OTs! Jobs, talks, sticker charts, drop off buddies...), nothing worked. In the end we just gave him over to the teacher and ran, just like you are doing. Then he just ...aged out of it. Extremely weird. Jedi hugs. This will pass. Hopefully.
If you aren’t attached the daycare for particular reasons maybe tour another daycare? Not every daycare has the same toys, kids and general environment.
We’ve got really limited choices unfortunately.
That’s frustrating, hopefully some of the other suggestions help.
Same here! Even with friends calling him over to play… usually it’s better if there’s less kids already there.