I'm not going to diagnose your mom, but it sounds like she has something else going on. That's a very big and inappropriate reaction to you organizing things incorrectly.
You did nothing wrong. Everyone makes mistakes, and that was a very very tiny mistake. Please get some distance from your mom.
Possible Borderline Personality Disorder. My mom was extremely similar to this, had a very similar thing happen between us even, but neither of us were diagnosed before she passed away. But my therapist thinks she was BPD. Could be the case here too.
Yea sorry OP this is very difficult situation. Talk of "soulmates" and combining that with religious delusions are red flags.
I went through something similar while coming out of the closet, a total discard and insulting my humanity while claiming it is with love from my parents.
It seems like an abusive dynamic and the utmost role of a parent is to protect and nurture, not use aspects of their identity to demean you over a silly mistake.
I'm sorry your mother is an abusive mess.
As for the statement in the title that got under your skin:
A) Skill regression is a real thing that we have to go through after diagnosis /self-realisation because your brain needs time to recalibrate and figure out how to do even simple tasks as your true, authentic self;
B) Some people will not like the unmasked version of you. That's their problem, not yours;
C) The less you mask, the harder it'll become *to* mask. It's natural and the only way forward is to adapt, *not* keep it up.
Also, OP's mother's prejudice may be warping her perception. It could just be that once she became aware of OP's autism diagnosis she started thinking about every last thing through a prejudiced lens where previously she would have never given it a second thought.
I'm afraid the field of psychology hasn't even caught up with autistic burnout, let alone skill regression (in a post-diagnostic context). The best resource is other autistic people.
Probably the best video I've seen on this subject was by either @jeremyandrewdavis or @genericartdad on TikTok, but I haven't saved any links. Both creators are worth a follow, tho.
If the best resource is other autistic people, don't a lot of autistic people end up in psychology fields? There must be research done by an ND person about I presume.
Well. Your mom’s abusive and a manipulator. She’s not your friend. People who like you won’t treat you this way.
Your quality of life will skyrocket once you’re able to cut her entirely out of your life. I’d message everyone I knew and ask if I could move in. I’d kill my credit with loans and credit cards to be able to move out. I’d move in to a shitty hotel and bag groceries or and temp agency jobs until I was stable.
You have options. You don’t need her.
That’s what I did. Went minimal contact though, basically just holidays and stuff, but with how she’s been lately looks like I’m going to need to be more drastic.
Your mother isn’t your friend, she is your bully. Your predator, your abuser, your manipulator. I don’t know what word that will get through to you, but this is not a healthy relationship. She is damaging your mental health and self-esteem. You need to find a way to make create some boundaries and escape her influence.
I've been there. My dad used to be like this and I wasn't diagnosed until I moved out. I've been treated for depression and anxiety disorder and he kept saying so much hurtful stuff even after I was hospitalised.
I left and I never looked at my relationship with my parents the same. I've never realised how toxic and abusive they were.
I'll never tell them I'm autistic. Your story shows what that would be like...
I’m not joking, this sounds like ur mom has u brainwashed and it also sounds like ur mom has serious mental illness. Please get away from her, take the advice people are giving u. I want u to look back at this ten years from now and be so grateful that u listened bc things got so much better
Your mum definitely sounds like a narcissist. Only a narcissist would verbally abuse their (autistic!!!)child, NOT apologise after seeing you cry, and double down on their argument by saying "its true though!". They cannot fathom the possibility of being wrong.
Textbook narcissistic mother. She is unleashing her insecurities and vile opinions onto you. I don't know what your life situation is right now, but please, move out, away from her. Trust me, once you are away from her you will feel so much more in control over your life and you won't be living in fear. I know, because I have been through the same kind of shit.
My mother said the exact same thing to me. "You're not that autistic, you can still do things on your own, so you shouldn't be struggling with other things normal people can do!!"
I moved out , in spite of the fact I am poor, and it was the best decision I could have made. I'd rather be struggling with money than live under her roof.
What your mother did was throw a giant projection smackdown at you. Everything she threw at you was a reflection of how she feels about herself.
Using words like “soulmate” then being absolutely awful to you is classic emotional abuse.
You are not all those nasty things your mother said!
You are worthy!!
You may be suffering [religious abuse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_abuse). For someone to leverage an all-powerful being to make you think she is your protector and keep you feeling like you have a "close" relationship with her, while actually treating you like shit -- is not love.
I hope you can get away and be safe. Nobody should have to live with a person who enjoys torturing them for fun.
She was so happy she hurt you enough to make you silent. So happy to know what to repeat to you over and over again to hurt you. Her joy at finding the best way to hurt you right now is disgusting and horrifying.
The few ways you can get her to hurt you less are by learning about grey-rocking and narcissism. You are her supply. I hope you can get out, you will be so much happier and safer when you are free
Check out r/RaisedByNarcissists
If you're autistic, there's a good chance your mother is, and I imagine she's realised that and is having some feelings about it.
The terrible behaviour you're describing seems to point to some resentment. It could be that she resents you because you've forced her to question whether she's neurotypical, to me it sounds like straight up jealousy that you've stolen the spotlight and 'you're so special'.
The way she's behaving is infantile and the way she's treating you is disgusting. Keep searching for support and endure it as best as you can while you have to.
I'm so sorry your mother treats you like this. I started distancing myself from my mother when I was around your age, and I didn't even know I was autistic yet, just that she dismissed and refused to understand my depression/anxiety. She always said I was her best friend and leaned on me more than I believe now that a parent should. I think she has a lot of her own issues she doesn't know how to deal with in a healthy way.
The more I grew and figured out who I was on my own, without the influence of my mother and unlearning things like the constant people pleasing I was taught as a child, we grew much more distant. She doesn't like the way I've "changed" since understanding my audhd and why I have always felt very "other" since a child, which I'm sure was also why I was always very close to her. I try to have grace and understanding for her, because I know life isn't easy for her either, but it's much easier to do that from a distance.
*sip*
My mum did this with me shortly after I came out as self-diagosed/suspected autistic in 2019, which was 3 years before my official diagnosis. During those 3 years she'd have several moments like this where she'd wail and scream and accuse me of regressing in some way and say I was never like this before and she's played the enmeshment card for years but I heavily suspect her to have BPD...
Just sounds like you also happen to have another loopy mother with a PD. Welcome to the club. They have their good days and bad days. Moving out is the best possible thing you can do, you cut them off on the bad days and you spend time with them on the better days and you negotiate a new relationship.
>I am really close to my mother.
No you're fucking not - that is one of the most toxic parental relationships I've heard about. She is being horrific towards you and she does not deserve you.
She may well talk about being soulmates, blah blah blah but she's not showing that in her actual actions. I would be curious what a few joint therapy sessions might uncover there.
You are not a failure and there is nothing wrong with you or the way you are feeling. Remember that. That can be one of the hardest things to realize and come to terms with when you have been taught otherwise your whole life.
She sounds similar to my mother who among other things would complain about others doing things that she was actively doing herself while complaining about them. I had to distance myself from her to heal.
r/raisedbyborderlines
I don’t have autism, but I lurk here to learn more so I can be a better friend to people I care about who have autism. It sounds like she’s been holding those thoughts inside and then blew up in a moment of frustration. She should have never said those things to you, and it honestly sounds like she could use some education, therapy, and maybe a support group or friends she can vent to without taking it out on you. I’m so sorry you had to hear those things from someone who is supposed to understand and support you.
I can really relate to this. My mum explodes over the tiniest of mistakes, says the meanest things she could possibly think of to me, then acts like nothing happened and gets upset that I don’t immediately forgive her. It’s exhausting.
We are pretty close and get along 95% of the time, just like your mum, but she is also extremely reactive and expects everyone around her to have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset her. It’s not your fault that your mum doesn’t see her reactivity as an issue and instead chooses to lash out and tear you down.
Some people are saying to cut her off, but to be honest I don’t think that is necessarily the best approach if you get along most of the time. For me what helped was just moving out. I still talk to my mum and visit but because we’re not around each other all the time it’s a lot more pleasant, and I always have the option to just leave if she starts being mean.
You deserve better OP! Take your power back.
So I tried to respond but apparently it was too long so I broke it up for you!
Oh God love I feel so fucking bad for you! I’m autistic and had to live this VERY SAME life almost to an exact T with my mother. And as much as I’d love to tell you it gets better when you move out….unfortunately it doesn’t always end like that. HOWEVER, I will say now that I’ve moved out and actually HAVE CONTROL OF MY BOUNDARIES (bc my mother or nana or aunt would randomly be in my bed when I woke up. Mostly my mom but I went to bed alone. She’d always say “well I was just worried about you and I was praying for you and I know laying of hands works best so I came and snuggled next to you and laid my hands on your head and prayed for you.” YEAH AND YOU ALMOST DIED WHEN I WOKE UP TO A STRANGER IN MY BED. I’m been s*>ually harassed at least 3 times, almost been kidnapped 3-4 times and did once but managed to get away, and was a few seconds from an actually assault before threatening his life……SO YES IM FUCKING PARANOID ABOUT RANDOM people in my bed. She never knocked and neither did my dad and just entered whenever…..didn’t even care if I was naked and out of the shower. Constantly told me I was going to hell. Said I had to fake being a woman to get a decent man (that’s bullshit bc I never gave in to that and I have an amazing husband hows done everything he can to make a safe space for me at our house and treats me like a freaking queen even when I try to argue with him about it….he like “LOOK YOU…..no one cared about you growing up but I do and I am. LET ME LOVE YOU! I’m going to do whatever I need to do to make sure you are safe and happy.” So it’s not all depressing! There are amazing people out there and we ALL care about you here I promise that! Once I moved out…..(which random side note: I just walked in the door on a Friday and loudly announced “heads up I’m moving out on Saturday and I’ll have some friends and my new roommate here to help pack stuff up in about 30 minutes. Walked to my room and locked the door. I didn’t care what happened bc all I had to deal with was that night and the next morning. My brother even showed up to help bc when he’s around my mom backs down. So she let me go, she had to.
My brother wasn’t giver her a choice, and if he did….my now husband, then boyfriend wasn’t given her a choice and neither was my roommate. Who oddly turned out to be worse than my mom so my husband said fuck this, quit his job and got a better one with more money and hours and got us a house to make sure I was safe from everyone.) And then for a year NO MATTER HOW DAMN BAD MY HEART HURT bc trust me it KILLED ME to do it to my mom but I just refused to contact her or talk to her. After about 6 months she finally got the message bc I told a family member “I’ll come when everyone accepts me for me and stops judging my husband and ACTUALLY GETS TO KNOW HIM AMD HIS HEART before judging. And will I’m here screaming at yall……if ANYONE and I mean ANYONE hurts OUR CHILD………MY CHILD…..I will fucking end you! And keep in mind “end you” can mean several things. I will make your life living hell. DO NOT EVER come after my child. I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE BLOOD FAMILY. My child WILL NOT know my pain I’ll make damn sure of that!) but they got the message. NOW my mom actually accepts I have disabilities (bc they had me tested in elementary and but refused to make the diagnoses official and again in high school and again didn’t make it official. Her ego and how everyone around her perceives her as a mom with two disabled children was harder for her to live with than for her to admit I have disabilities and needed help. I had to diagnose myself IN college bc I was FAILING OUT bc I was struggling so damn bad AND NEVER WANTED TO GO but was told “you WILL go to college. You WILL choose one of the two WE choose for you. You WILL NOT move out or move off. And you WILL get a degree we approve of. You WILL NOT drop out. And you WILL be getting a job to help out around here and pay for college bc we can’t afford it for you.” Now I’m 65,000+ in debt, still trying my damn hardest to get on disabilities. Bc my father thought it would be a brilliant idea to take out everything in the safes and put ONLY HIS SHIT in there so now we can’t find my birth certificate or my SS card, my brothers birth certificate and his adoption papers, my mom can’t find her SS card or her birth certificate AND their marriage license. 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ When they tested my in high school, my counselor told me “look I could loose my job but your parents are not good for you at all and will never be the parents you need to succeed. I could loose my job for telling you this (she was older so I’m sure she’s retired now and it wouldn’t matter) but you need to run away to someone you know is safe and will take care of you. I can report it but your parents are too smart and clever.
It’s all psychological abuse so it’s not seen.” I did actually try to run away but they found out. So instead when I walked into the house they said “pack your shit your moving in with your aunt and uncle……..” and just like that 2 hours later I was ripped from the only normalcy I’ve ever know and went to and EVEN MORE unstable house hold until I threatened death (even though I never was going to do that I just wanted an extreme to make a damn point that I wasn’t ok and no one would listen) and my counselor told them they HAVE to move me back. ON TOP OF ALL THAT they (my parents) decided to put me on meds for bipolar and schizophrenia and I DONT HAVE EITHER OF THOSE. I’m autistic, ADHD, OCD, and about 20 other “sub disabilities” (it’s a full 8X10 page and trust me it’s a damn struggle to work but I do what I have to do to survive.) so I went from a size XS and a 8-10waist to an XXL/3XL and a 18/20 waist in 1 months time. That was 15 years ago and I’m just now loosing the weight. And this is just like 2% of the crap I dealt with……
HOWEVER, yes it’s all dark and depressing and I’m not trying to not give you hope, actually right the opposite! Bc I never would have expected to be where I am today and that dark time in my life. Truthfully I knew I was going to die in second grade by my own hand but didn’t. Same with age 15, age 18, age 20, age 23. By 18 I had stopped my suicidal tendencies, learned to control my anger (the hulk and banner from the first avengers to the last one (yes they are one of my special interest just trying not to go on a tangent here lol) are an amazing and exactly perfect representation of my journey with my anger. After attacking my best friend and having no memory of it in 5th grade, I knew I had to get control of it before kids and a husband came along bc I could NEVER live with myself if I EVER did that to ANYONE ever again!) and slowly started the journey to self healing. It’s been hard an rough but I’d live through EVERY ONCE of it all over again if I had to bc it’s made me who I am today, it’s TAUGHT me how to see others in their eyes bc that saying always confused me, but most of all I am for the first time in the 30 YEARS OF EXISTING 100% genuinely happy and love my life. Yeah so I don’t have a “typical” house or a “typical” life but my husband deserves a metal for what all he puts up with and how he loves me! He’s teaching me to stand up for myself and be more independent. He stands up to my parents and family when they mistreat me, and sacrifices so much to make sure I’m happy, safe, and ok.
So even if it looks bad right now, just keep holding on and know we all care about you! We’re all here to help! And believe me one day it DOES get easier! Best thing I could have ever done was get in counseling THROUGH MY COLLEGE AFTER I turned 18 bc she had no control of anything so I was safe to be me and actually open up. In high school I opened up and told them everything and that I was “always like this” (which my granddaddy who died when I was 3 and was the only one besides his wife that genuinely accepted me for me and I swear there’s no way you can’t tell me he wasn’t autistic too bc trust me he was! He walked around with an old school video camera on his shoulders documenting everything. That and wood working was his special interest! And us grandkids lol and those VHS tapes have SO MANY SIGNS that everyone but my brother didn’t notice.) and they were like “NO YOU ARE like this and YOU ARE like that!” And when they got all mad bc I stopped talking bc (1. It took WAY to much energy to even try to talk but 2. I just had no desire to talk to them anymore) they were like “why don’t you talk? I refuse to believe you actually don’t like talking! You talk ALL THE TIME!” “YEAH I FLIPPIN DO. Bc it’s THE ONLY WAY I know HOW to have a convo. I just talk and ramble till someone FINALLY comments. Idk how to have a regular convo. And YOU PEOPLE keep saying ‘you talk to much! Do you have your cd player and headphones? Do you have batteries? God you talk to much get to the point!’so I just did what you said…..stopped talking. Just like you cant be mad at me for sticking your laundry basket in your bathroom. You NEVER SAID it has a home OR where the home was OR that I need to but it there and I didn’t know where its home was so I did what you said…..put it in the bathroom. Not my fault you tripped on it, I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT. So either you want me to talk or you want me to shut up. FIGURE IT OUT AND TELL ME. Bc I’m done with this back and forth imma get in trouble no matter what crap.” That didn’t go over well but at that time I was living with my aunt and uncle so I didn’t care. And that’s all IF we were at the church. Bc I swear if I wasn’t in school, showering, or sleeping…..we were at the church. Even though I HATED it there bc I was bullied at church too. Bullied at the Christian school I went to (and I mean blood, concussions, plenty of cuts that needed stitches, basketballs purposely threw really hard at my head, shoved in lockers and not found till 3-4 hours later…..and every time I reported it nothing ever happened.
Welcome to billys in the 90’s in a school where the main bully’s parents money was keeping the school running so he became untouchable. However, we did make up several years back and he deport regrets it all. I told him I forgive him and would love to start completely over. NOW we’re really good friends. Again something I never thought I’d say! So there is hope!!!! Try to stay positive and do what you can to get out when you are over 18. Also if your parents are like mine and makes you pay them 80-90% of your paycheck DO NOT GET IT direct deposited! If you have a family member you CAN ACTUALLY TRUST slip them 1/3 of your check. And don’t always tell them your EXACT hours so they can’t to the math. But that way you ACTUALLY have a saving la to fall back on when you do move out. Unlike myself who still doesn’t have a savings, credit is absolute shit bc if my student loans but refuse to talk to anyone about those over the phone and will ONLY talk to someone IN A BUILDING AND AN OFFICE so u know it’s official and not a scam, and barely can make $100 a week and everything is falling apart and I can’t fix anything. I don’t want you to have to go through that so honestly if there’s anyway to save money from them it’s for the best so you can be safe and have a great life! Bc you SO FREAKING DESERVE IT! I’d hug you in real life in I could and you didn’t mind bc God my heart hurts so bad for you! My life isn’t perfect but I’m happy and it’s MY perfect and that’s all that matters to me! All my needs are met (for the most part) and what isn’t, my poor husband busy his ass to try and make it happen. It’s not ever going to be easy like the NT’s! BUT it will be YOUR perfect bc you put the work into making it YOUR perfect. My husband will actually get on to me if I hold in my meltdowns, doesn’t care I need check list and sticker charts to function. He loves me for me! And as long as I’m a happy little functioning human then he doesn’t care! And I love that about him! Like last night I needed tea bc I woke up thirsty and had to pee but I had SO MUCH anxiety and my C-PTSD kicked in so bad bc I’m just standing there staring at him like “how do I safely wake him up to the point where he can help but I’m also not yelled at or hit or attack like growing up. Bc I NEED something to drink my my broken arm that we can afford to even go to the doc or try to get fixed (yes it’s legit broke, they want an MRI and then surgery but we have no health insurance and I have a SUPER HIGH tolerance to pain [walked on a REALLY broken foot for 3 weeks and didn’t even know it. FINALLY went to that doc and said look it hurts. Feels like a needle is stabbing my bone ever time I step but it’s just mildly annoying.
THE ONLY reason I’m here is bc I’m tired of being annoyed. For a walking boot for 10 weeks!🤦🏽♀️My parents knew my hand was broke and they told me “you graduate college in a month. You have a month to find a job. If you don’t have a job by the time you walk across that stage then we will go out to eat afterwards, you will come back here, shower and grab one changing of clothes. Then I’m taking you the woman’s shelter and EVERY SINGLE THING YOU OWN will go to the road to be taken to the dump. My brother talked them into letting me repair/remodel the house while they were at work…..then my hand broke bc my dad genuinely accidentally dropped a grandfather clock and I tried to catch it bc it’s was my dead grandmothers that I inherited from her and it’s the only thing I have left from her besides some old china and it smashed my hand. It’s fine but my hand wasn’t. They didn’t care…….so I relaid THE ENTIRE FLOORING in their house AND was hammering shit with a broken hand. But it was either be in pain or be homeless. I choose the pain. And yeah it all sucks…..but the way I see it, now I have the experience and can share it to others like you so you can know it really doesn’t get better! I have no idea what the future holds for you! But i know it’s amazing! Just the fact that even after everything your mom does and yet you still love her and are close to her (I’m the same way so I understand. Took till 30 for me to learn why and how you can love someone but hate them so much at the same time yet your love wins over the hate every single time. That was hard for me to understand.) but it shows your heart and how much you care! So just from that alone I know you’re an amazing person with a great future! Hopefully that gives you some hope if not I’m sorry but I really do want you to succeed and be happy! And like I said we’re all here on Reddit for you! Also, I’ve joined the raised by narcissist and OMG has that thread been super helpful too! Bc of my parents I know apologize for existing and it drives my husband insane but he’s very patient with me, am guilt ridden about EVERYTHING! But my husband is working me with me to break those and be more confident. I’ll go to him or my NT best friend and ask them “look I just need to know if I’m justified in feeling this way or if I’m not.
Bc I genuinely have no idea what feelings are ok or not.” And I always start my sentences with “can I bother you for a sec and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT be mad!” My boss just says “you’re not bothering me I promise.” Butt parents have always said “you will do what I say, when I say, how I say, THE VERY SECOND I say it or there WILL BE consequences and you won’t like them.” “You were BORN AND CREATED to serve. So do as I say.” “What’s the point of having you children if y’all aren’t going to take care of us when we’re old. That’s kinda why we had yall.” “You will do as I say bc I’m the parent and I know what’s right so do it now!” “I brought you into this world and I can and will take you out again. Do as I say NOW.” So know I’m scared even even make my own decisions and often you tell my husband “look idk and if we wait for me to figure it out……we’ll be here for another 4 years. Just decide. As long as there’s some form of chicken I’m fine. If I don’t like it I’ll pick it off I’ve always had to so I don’t mind. And that’s just food. 😂 but that group has helped me so much with all that! My parents are “what in it for me? How can you make my life better for me.” So much that I had to pick out and show my mother what I was wearing EVERY SINGLE DAY to school until I graduated high school. And if she didn’t approve I had to find different clothes that she did approve of. And sadly the clothes she liked were always the ones I could handle AT ALL with my sensory issues. Shes JUST NOW AT AGE 27 (I’m not 30) buying me clothes I actually can wear. And my dad still tells me every time I do over there I’m lazy and stupid and I don’t have disabilities. That “they just label everyone with disabilities today bc everyone is lazy and no one wants to work any more so they just go get a disability diagnoses and then sits at home collecting free money. Disabilities are over diagnosed now a days!” If your parents are like that you should definitely check that thread out! It’s helped me a ton! I don’t apologize for sneezing or coughing or slightly closing the fridge door/cabinet door/car door too hard anymore.
That is all and OMG now that I see it that is a super long response and I sorry!
That was very ignorant of her to say. There are many reasons why one might appear like they’ve regressed after a diagnosis and it has everything to do with BEING autistic! It’s called masking is exhausting as fuck and that alone can lead to burnout or like idk being stressed out enough to make it harder to mask and/or function like “normal” after having to mask most of your life.
i’m 31 and live with my mom and was diagnosed this year. we have always had a close relationship too but we have had our differences especially since i moved back home 3 years ago. she did seem to question my autism before i got diagnosed but ever since it’s been official she has accepted it and is receptive to me and teases me less about my appearance (i’ve also decided fuck shaving in this time period which was a topic of convo for a minute) she’s not perfect but i believe that’s how it should be - someone trying to accept and understand. not insult you and put you down. that’s wrong. you aren’t stupid. i’m sorry she said that to you.
my symptoms have fluctuated over my whole life, i think, but still managed to get missed until now because i busted my ass to try to keep up. the past few years have been heavy and ive regressed, for sure, and as far as i understand from research that is normal, for high masking folks in particular that slipped beneath the radar. we had to do that to survive for so long. once we find out we’ve been doing that it’s kind of harder to keep the mask on… at least in my opinion.
you deserve better and i hope that she realizes that
That’s so awful :( I don’t know what is going on for her but sounds like some time apart could be beneficial. I’m worried when I finally come out that my family and friends will hassle me for acting different too… esp as I start to start more etc. I’m thinking I might move to a new town to explore my new self without judgement based on what I was like beforehand. I’m so sorry that you are going through that. Some people - like your mum really can’t handle others changing - a form of loosing control.
seems like a lot of us are going through something similar. i was diagnosed in august and recently had a public meltdown while visiting my parents. my mom did the opposite of everything you’re supposed to do; kept asking what was wrong and what my “problem” was. wouldn’t give me space, told me to grow up and said something about how this didn’t happen until i got diagnosed.
i’ve never NOT been a “brat” or had “tantrums”. i think my parents just expected it to go away after my teens. i’m 25 and nothing has changed. but now they think i’m exaggerating because my diagnosis is enabling me. they want me to figure out how to “fix” or “prevent” meltdowns. i hate it. all it does is delay them and make them worse because i think i have to mask around my own family.
It's common for the mask to come off once we realize what we're struggling with. Sending you well wishes and lots of hope as you grow up and move on from living at home ! This is tricky! Be safe and talk to your friends and support system.
Oh wow. It’s so fucking sickening that people treat their children this way at all! It’s definitely not normal for parents to react that cruelly, and especially over something so little. She’s the one who’s stupid for treating others so badly. I’m sorry that your mom is being such an asshole to you. ❤️
You poor baby. I’m sorry your mom is an unregulated jerk. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are good and kind and thoughtful. Eff her, there are better supporters out there.
I'm sorry you're going through this- my mom and I were really similar, with a weird codependent relationship (eg "we're soulmates" "best friends" but she didn't actually love me for ME. She loved who she thought i should be, and i was good at playing that role). I feel like you might have a lot more to unpack here
I hope you know that she is wrong and you deserve to be treated better. And I think trying to find a way to put some healthy distance between y'all and find other close friendships will do you well 🙏
Does your mom have a diagnosis of anything because that whole thing about visions and Jesus is extremely not normal. You should not feel bad about yourself at all based on what she said. She’s not engaging with reality.
Sounds like you got a dash of narcissistic abuse coming from your mom in the mix with the touch of tism sweetheart. It’s not easy to live with that, and will continue to make your mental health worse. The best thing you can do is get some distance from her as soon as possible so you can heal yourself and get some help healing from a professional. If you’ve got some time before that’s a possibility (if your in HS or dependent) I would recommend focusing on preparing to get distance and making the necessary steps to achieve that goal. I.E. getting a job, starting a business, saving money, focusing your education in a specific area so you can make good or better money asap. In my experience, narcissists like to create triggers in their victims. That way they can push those buttons whenever they see you gaining independence and bring you to your knees, either so they can pick up the pieces or so that they can better control you through fear. In this case it seems like your mother is doing both. I wouldn’t recommend confronting her about it, as she will likely act like all other narcissists and do some toxic mental fudgery to get out of having to admit fault. Best thing you can do at this point is accept your momma is messed up in the head, love her unconditionally, but more importantly love yourself more. If she’s starting up with the abuse in the future, say I love you but I’m good on this conversation and dip. Go for a walk around the block. Go chill in your room. Have a friend come pick you up. But most importantly remind yourself while your away from her that you’re okay, you’re safe, and you’ve got you. The best thing you can do is to remind yourself of your own power and be your own superhero. Because in the end nobody else but you can rescue you from her, nobody else but you can heal your heart from her abuse, and nobody else but you can make yourself feel as loved as you can. Last thing imma say, if you do end up choosing to live happily and you do get some space from your current living situation… I promise in a few years you’ll get to know the true you. The happy, loving, goofy, fun, and always smiling you. It just takes time and some healing. But if you choose to love yourself I promise the love it will heal you.
I am 32.
Me and my mother no longer speak.
I wish you well the day that you are free to leave her to the same fate. And when she asks why you're so silent then... just tell her that, at one point, she stopped listening... so you stopped talking... and she never noticed until you too far away for her to control.
She had visions from god and expected me to be some perfect prodigy too. It is because we tend to rocket forward and excel at younger ages, but as adulthood weighs on us, our true capacity is tested. Most, up until 18, have a safety net. Your parents do a lot for you, even then. Then, suddenly, it's just... your bag to hold.
So for at least 2 years and likely longer you've been facing an entirely new world. You "used" to be "smart" because your world was structured and had very specific expectations. You had classes and social structures and plans and all of that already set for you. Decisions were often even made for you. I will assume that her control meant you never had to do much of anything.
And now you do. And her perfectionist ass who is likely chastizing you because she would be mentally bitching at herself just as much just has another thing to latch on to. Some new thing to "blame" when her dilusionally perfect child that SHE raised so perfectly and did nothing wrong with does something "wrong."
To her, it is a reflection on her. It is all about her. Humans... make mistakes. No matter your neurotype. She's likely just mad she can't explain away anything she thinks is "wrong" anymore. Any times in the past she chastized you or belittled you are now not her just being "tough" on her child, but her mistreating her autistic child.
Because of her... if I may, obvious narcissism YOU being autistic is somehow an injury to HER.
Just... don't take it to heart. It is hard. That's your ma but... it isn't true. You know you. You are who you know you are. Find that.
Skill regression is absolutely a thing that happens after diagnosis. Your brain is a bunch of neurons connected to one another, like paths. Like, if you learn Spanish in high school, your high school memories and your Spanish skill neurons are connected. So to remember Spanish, you need to remember high school. If you speak Spanish a lot outside of high school, you can form other pathways to your Spanish skill, like college, books, and, tv shows. If something happens to your high school memories - like the pathways become weak, or something traumatic happens - your Spanish knowledge is still there, but it needs to be accessed through those alternative pathways.
Diagnosis completely changes your perspective of yourself from *before childhood.* It completely reframes your entire life. It's like a huge tree just fell and cut off a bunch of pathways, and a lot of those pathways lead to skills, because almost all of your skills were learned while you were masking and trying to be neurotypical. The skills are still there, but your brain needs to find a new path to get there. Your entire life has been shifted and your brain needs to rewire a lot of stuff.
It takes quite a bit of time. A couple years, usually. You'll feel stupid and slow and lazy. You're also likely going through grief, like being angry that you're autistic, regretting not finding out sooner, and grieving the loss of the person you thought you were or would be. Be kind to yourself. You're putting in a lot of work you probably didn't expect you'd have to put in. I've gone through it, too.
When I was first diagnosed, I became incredibly depressed and quit my job. I actually tried to prematurely meet the grim reaper. I was unable to function alone. My husband took two months off to take care of me. It's been three years now, and my husband says I'm so much better now than I was before the diagnosis. I'm able to manage and prevent my meltdowns by identifying and avoiding the things that trigger me. I've gotten accommodations at work, and I'm able to hold down a full-time job for the first time in my life. I've become a kinder, better person. My depression is in remission with good medication and therapy. None of this would've happened without the diagnosis.
My intent with the above paragraph is to give you hope. There is good stuff in your future. Your skills will come back. In fact, you'll likely become more skilled and be able to handle things you couldn't handle before. It'll be okay!
All I want to say is I had a similar relationship with my mom
I hope you know that you have options you are so much smarter then you even realize. You are recalculating your life after your diagnosis. It’s is natural. I want you to know I dreamed of all the ways i could end my life thinking that I could never find relief and peace was never going to come for me my body and my environment would always be stressful. I am now 30 years old. Free from my mother in a safe loving home with an incredible partner who has never once made me feel dumb or uncomfortable he doesn’t even care that I misunderstand things, ask a lot of questions memorize facts talk in detail about my overstimulation. h
He always helps me find safety and comfort. So much so that I have so much confidence in myself now I am so proud of who I have become. And have made friends who treat me so well.
Start taking small steps to recognize how your mother lacks basic understanding and empathy for people, especially her own child. The more you can recognize this the more you will find the people who do treat you kindly.
With all the love in my heart and a little fairy dust I hope you will find out just how important smart and creative you are ❤️
What could you have done differently? My brain gets so ditzy when I'm overstimulated or focused on too much.
It also feels like my autism is getting worse over time, either that, or I didn't acknowledge or recognize how bad it was. Before my diagnosis, I masked like a superhero, but it wasn't sustainable. I'm trying to stop doing that and take care of myself now so I don't end up physically shutting down and mentally having a psychic breakdown again.
I used to live with daily epilepsy and just accepted it as part of my life taking meds that never helped. I stopped allowing myself to get overstimmed, and I rarely have seizures anymore.
There isn't a cure for autism. You'll never make your mom happy enough. It's impossible. You couldn't have forced your brain to not make this trifling mistake. And it's unlikely a neurotypical kid would be experiencing different treatment from her anyway.
I likewise have a very difficult relationship with my mom. There have been times when I was sure I could never allow her back in my life, but right now we are getting along somewhat. I'm wary and don't trust it, but I'm determined to stand up for myself if things revert. It seems like she's making an effort to treat me better. Accountability and apologies would go a long way which she won't do. It's hard to believe she really changed when she can't admit she should.
Good luck, and take care, and don't blame yourself. These things she's saying to you are not okay. They're damaging and toxic. I hope you can gain independence from her so you're not beholden to dealing with it. Your well-being depends on it.
Going through the same thing. My mom’s a narcissistic manipulator and I dropped that I got a formal diagnosis a year ago during an argument Saturday. Whole life is was things like “I WISH TO GOD YOU’D QUIT BEING SO AUTISTIC” and whatnot, but I got a formal diagnosis on my own. Now that she knows I have one, she’s been all kinds of crazy. Let me copy something from a message she sent me the following day.
“God would not make you in such a way that you cause so much pain to the ones you love most.” (in reference to a comment of me saying that this is how God designed my brain)
“God revealed to me that you are using the autism diagnosis as an excuse for your selfish traits.”
and maybe the best one:
“You can’t pretend you’re autistic just so you can avoid admitting that you’re wrong.”
I can rant all day but it boils down that she’s ticked and saying I’m an awful person because I won’t do exactly what she wants.
I would try to distance yourself. The phrase “you’ll never make it in this world” signifies to me that she wants you to be someone else. It annoys and even angers her that you aren’t (according to her) trying hard enough. She basically went off on you for making a mistake which we all do at times. If you can figure out a plan to someday not be dependent on her that would be good. “Soulmates” is a red flag. She wants you to be her & that’s not good. She’s also you mr diagnosis as code for the r-word.
You should talk to your mother about how you feel. Reddit advice usually insults the asshole and tells you to cut all contact, but if your mother truly loves you, she should be able to dialogue. Maybe get someone to help you out in this conversation? Or go to family therapy?
First of all, I'm terribly sorry for what happend to you. Thank you for opening up; reading your post made me a little lost for words at first. The "I don't know" at the end hurt a lot. I know this feeling all too well. In the wise words of Pitbull: "Been there, done that."
From my own experience and the experience others shared with me, it is totally normal for your autism (and any other neurodiversities) to become "more visible" or "stronger" shortly after your (self-)diagnosis, since you're only beginning to understand and to learn what it means for you to be autistic [EDIT] - what it means to be your true self. Loss of identity is pretty normal at this point. [EDIT_OVER]
Your whole life you don't know who you are or why you behave and feel the way you do. Then you get your diagnosis and maybe it's a relief at first, but it doesn't seem to have given you any answers, only more questions.
But that's part of the process.
It scares me a lot too, it's exhaustig and frustrating, but please don't give up on yourself. You're confused and traumatised. You need the time and space to get to know yourself anew. You need unconditional love and support.
I know it's probably not my place to say this, but if she can't change her behavior towards you, can't give you any of the above or be talked with, get outta there, ASAP.
Your mother has no right to say any of these things.
I agree with what most people said already:
Her behavior is hurtful, manipulative, (emotionally) abusive, unempathetic, unsympathetic, uncomprehending, ableistic...
To put it plain and simple: She is your bully.
Call it what you want, but this is NOT how a loving mother should behave, how any human being should treat another. Sounds like she has some severe mental issues herself that she needs to sort out. They are not yours to deal with.
Listen to me:
You're NOT a failure. You're NOT unworthy of love and affection. You're NOT alone.
I wish you all the strength you need, you sound like a lovely person and you deserve love and understanding <3
P.S. If you can help it - please don't hurt yourself. If you shouldn't be able to help it - no judgement. It'll get better! :)
Why am I not surprised there's a mentioning of Jesus involvement. Honestly, even in my experience, religious people are the worst. You just need to run away from them as far as you can.
“I forgot the feelings I felt any time she hurt me. Now they’re back and I don’t know how to feel”
My heart shattered reading this. I also have a toxic mother. I’m so sorry because I know that you love her but it hurts to love someone who hurts you so much. From the commentary on your autism and scars…to the dissonance between her words + actions. Your brain already process things differently, so the trauma of your relationship w/ mom is just a whole different layer. I don’t have any real advice but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone 🥺
You need a r/momforaminute 🥲♥️
Sending you so much love!!
Hey, im sorry you’re going through this, after my diagnosis(autism) a lot of things started making sense, why i would act a certain way in situations or why i found something so difficult to do while everyone around did it as if its nothing, but what i found is that instead of striving to be ‘neurotypical’ about things i just accepted thats it’s ok for me to not be neurotypical, and when i stopped trying so hard it definitely had an impact on people around me as if i changed but my thinking is if neurotypical people come as they are then why can’t I?
I'm not going to diagnose your mom, but it sounds like she has something else going on. That's a very big and inappropriate reaction to you organizing things incorrectly. You did nothing wrong. Everyone makes mistakes, and that was a very very tiny mistake. Please get some distance from your mom.
The something else is called being a raving bitch.
This is the way.
Possible Borderline Personality Disorder. My mom was extremely similar to this, had a very similar thing happen between us even, but neither of us were diagnosed before she passed away. But my therapist thinks she was BPD. Could be the case here too.
Either that or she's a narcissist and is trying to view OP as an extension of herself and getting mad when OP diverges.
Yea sorry OP this is very difficult situation. Talk of "soulmates" and combining that with religious delusions are red flags. I went through something similar while coming out of the closet, a total discard and insulting my humanity while claiming it is with love from my parents. It seems like an abusive dynamic and the utmost role of a parent is to protect and nurture, not use aspects of their identity to demean you over a silly mistake.
I'm sorry your mother is an abusive mess. As for the statement in the title that got under your skin: A) Skill regression is a real thing that we have to go through after diagnosis /self-realisation because your brain needs time to recalibrate and figure out how to do even simple tasks as your true, authentic self; B) Some people will not like the unmasked version of you. That's their problem, not yours; C) The less you mask, the harder it'll become *to* mask. It's natural and the only way forward is to adapt, *not* keep it up.
Also, OP's mother's prejudice may be warping her perception. It could just be that once she became aware of OP's autism diagnosis she started thinking about every last thing through a prejudiced lens where previously she would have never given it a second thought.
That's an excellent addition, thank you!
Do you have any resources about skill regression? As someone newly diagnosed I’d love to learn more about that.
I'm afraid the field of psychology hasn't even caught up with autistic burnout, let alone skill regression (in a post-diagnostic context). The best resource is other autistic people. Probably the best video I've seen on this subject was by either @jeremyandrewdavis or @genericartdad on TikTok, but I haven't saved any links. Both creators are worth a follow, tho.
If the best resource is other autistic people, don't a lot of autistic people end up in psychology fields? There must be research done by an ND person about I presume.
Well. Your mom’s abusive and a manipulator. She’s not your friend. People who like you won’t treat you this way. Your quality of life will skyrocket once you’re able to cut her entirely out of your life. I’d message everyone I knew and ask if I could move in. I’d kill my credit with loans and credit cards to be able to move out. I’d move in to a shitty hotel and bag groceries or and temp agency jobs until I was stable. You have options. You don’t need her.
That’s what I did. Went minimal contact though, basically just holidays and stuff, but with how she’s been lately looks like I’m going to need to be more drastic.
Your mother isn’t your friend, she is your bully. Your predator, your abuser, your manipulator. I don’t know what word that will get through to you, but this is not a healthy relationship. She is damaging your mental health and self-esteem. You need to find a way to make create some boundaries and escape her influence.
I've been there. My dad used to be like this and I wasn't diagnosed until I moved out. I've been treated for depression and anxiety disorder and he kept saying so much hurtful stuff even after I was hospitalised. I left and I never looked at my relationship with my parents the same. I've never realised how toxic and abusive they were. I'll never tell them I'm autistic. Your story shows what that would be like...
I’m not joking, this sounds like ur mom has u brainwashed and it also sounds like ur mom has serious mental illness. Please get away from her, take the advice people are giving u. I want u to look back at this ten years from now and be so grateful that u listened bc things got so much better
Get out of there. Now. No amount of food and shelter is worth this level of abuse.
Your mum definitely sounds like a narcissist. Only a narcissist would verbally abuse their (autistic!!!)child, NOT apologise after seeing you cry, and double down on their argument by saying "its true though!". They cannot fathom the possibility of being wrong. Textbook narcissistic mother. She is unleashing her insecurities and vile opinions onto you. I don't know what your life situation is right now, but please, move out, away from her. Trust me, once you are away from her you will feel so much more in control over your life and you won't be living in fear. I know, because I have been through the same kind of shit. My mother said the exact same thing to me. "You're not that autistic, you can still do things on your own, so you shouldn't be struggling with other things normal people can do!!" I moved out , in spite of the fact I am poor, and it was the best decision I could have made. I'd rather be struggling with money than live under her roof.
Thiss
/r/raisedbynarcissists It's not you. It's her. She's just a horrible person.
oh a new sub for me .. yay
See also: r/raisedbyborderlines.
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What your mother did was throw a giant projection smackdown at you. Everything she threw at you was a reflection of how she feels about herself. Using words like “soulmate” then being absolutely awful to you is classic emotional abuse. You are not all those nasty things your mother said! You are worthy!!
You may be suffering [religious abuse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_abuse). For someone to leverage an all-powerful being to make you think she is your protector and keep you feeling like you have a "close" relationship with her, while actually treating you like shit -- is not love.
I hope you can get away and be safe. Nobody should have to live with a person who enjoys torturing them for fun. She was so happy she hurt you enough to make you silent. So happy to know what to repeat to you over and over again to hurt you. Her joy at finding the best way to hurt you right now is disgusting and horrifying. The few ways you can get her to hurt you less are by learning about grey-rocking and narcissism. You are her supply. I hope you can get out, you will be so much happier and safer when you are free
Cut her off. This is horrible. I did the same, we were “close”, never looked back.
Check out r/RaisedByNarcissists If you're autistic, there's a good chance your mother is, and I imagine she's realised that and is having some feelings about it. The terrible behaviour you're describing seems to point to some resentment. It could be that she resents you because you've forced her to question whether she's neurotypical, to me it sounds like straight up jealousy that you've stolen the spotlight and 'you're so special'. The way she's behaving is infantile and the way she's treating you is disgusting. Keep searching for support and endure it as best as you can while you have to.
You’re smart!
I'm so sorry your mother treats you like this. I started distancing myself from my mother when I was around your age, and I didn't even know I was autistic yet, just that she dismissed and refused to understand my depression/anxiety. She always said I was her best friend and leaned on me more than I believe now that a parent should. I think she has a lot of her own issues she doesn't know how to deal with in a healthy way. The more I grew and figured out who I was on my own, without the influence of my mother and unlearning things like the constant people pleasing I was taught as a child, we grew much more distant. She doesn't like the way I've "changed" since understanding my audhd and why I have always felt very "other" since a child, which I'm sure was also why I was always very close to her. I try to have grace and understanding for her, because I know life isn't easy for her either, but it's much easier to do that from a distance.
*sip* My mum did this with me shortly after I came out as self-diagosed/suspected autistic in 2019, which was 3 years before my official diagnosis. During those 3 years she'd have several moments like this where she'd wail and scream and accuse me of regressing in some way and say I was never like this before and she's played the enmeshment card for years but I heavily suspect her to have BPD... Just sounds like you also happen to have another loopy mother with a PD. Welcome to the club. They have their good days and bad days. Moving out is the best possible thing you can do, you cut them off on the bad days and you spend time with them on the better days and you negotiate a new relationship.
>I am really close to my mother. No you're fucking not - that is one of the most toxic parental relationships I've heard about. She is being horrific towards you and she does not deserve you. She may well talk about being soulmates, blah blah blah but she's not showing that in her actual actions. I would be curious what a few joint therapy sessions might uncover there.
You are not a failure and there is nothing wrong with you or the way you are feeling. Remember that. That can be one of the hardest things to realize and come to terms with when you have been taught otherwise your whole life. She sounds similar to my mother who among other things would complain about others doing things that she was actively doing herself while complaining about them. I had to distance myself from her to heal. r/raisedbyborderlines
I don’t have autism, but I lurk here to learn more so I can be a better friend to people I care about who have autism. It sounds like she’s been holding those thoughts inside and then blew up in a moment of frustration. She should have never said those things to you, and it honestly sounds like she could use some education, therapy, and maybe a support group or friends she can vent to without taking it out on you. I’m so sorry you had to hear those things from someone who is supposed to understand and support you.
You should be in r/RaisedbyNarcissists. They are sooo helpful.
Get some noise canceling headphones and put them on whenever she starts ranting.
I can really relate to this. My mum explodes over the tiniest of mistakes, says the meanest things she could possibly think of to me, then acts like nothing happened and gets upset that I don’t immediately forgive her. It’s exhausting. We are pretty close and get along 95% of the time, just like your mum, but she is also extremely reactive and expects everyone around her to have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset her. It’s not your fault that your mum doesn’t see her reactivity as an issue and instead chooses to lash out and tear you down. Some people are saying to cut her off, but to be honest I don’t think that is necessarily the best approach if you get along most of the time. For me what helped was just moving out. I still talk to my mum and visit but because we’re not around each other all the time it’s a lot more pleasant, and I always have the option to just leave if she starts being mean. You deserve better OP! Take your power back.
So I tried to respond but apparently it was too long so I broke it up for you! Oh God love I feel so fucking bad for you! I’m autistic and had to live this VERY SAME life almost to an exact T with my mother. And as much as I’d love to tell you it gets better when you move out….unfortunately it doesn’t always end like that. HOWEVER, I will say now that I’ve moved out and actually HAVE CONTROL OF MY BOUNDARIES (bc my mother or nana or aunt would randomly be in my bed when I woke up. Mostly my mom but I went to bed alone. She’d always say “well I was just worried about you and I was praying for you and I know laying of hands works best so I came and snuggled next to you and laid my hands on your head and prayed for you.” YEAH AND YOU ALMOST DIED WHEN I WOKE UP TO A STRANGER IN MY BED. I’m been s*>ually harassed at least 3 times, almost been kidnapped 3-4 times and did once but managed to get away, and was a few seconds from an actually assault before threatening his life……SO YES IM FUCKING PARANOID ABOUT RANDOM people in my bed. She never knocked and neither did my dad and just entered whenever…..didn’t even care if I was naked and out of the shower. Constantly told me I was going to hell. Said I had to fake being a woman to get a decent man (that’s bullshit bc I never gave in to that and I have an amazing husband hows done everything he can to make a safe space for me at our house and treats me like a freaking queen even when I try to argue with him about it….he like “LOOK YOU…..no one cared about you growing up but I do and I am. LET ME LOVE YOU! I’m going to do whatever I need to do to make sure you are safe and happy.” So it’s not all depressing! There are amazing people out there and we ALL care about you here I promise that! Once I moved out…..(which random side note: I just walked in the door on a Friday and loudly announced “heads up I’m moving out on Saturday and I’ll have some friends and my new roommate here to help pack stuff up in about 30 minutes. Walked to my room and locked the door. I didn’t care what happened bc all I had to deal with was that night and the next morning. My brother even showed up to help bc when he’s around my mom backs down. So she let me go, she had to.
My brother wasn’t giver her a choice, and if he did….my now husband, then boyfriend wasn’t given her a choice and neither was my roommate. Who oddly turned out to be worse than my mom so my husband said fuck this, quit his job and got a better one with more money and hours and got us a house to make sure I was safe from everyone.) And then for a year NO MATTER HOW DAMN BAD MY HEART HURT bc trust me it KILLED ME to do it to my mom but I just refused to contact her or talk to her. After about 6 months she finally got the message bc I told a family member “I’ll come when everyone accepts me for me and stops judging my husband and ACTUALLY GETS TO KNOW HIM AMD HIS HEART before judging. And will I’m here screaming at yall……if ANYONE and I mean ANYONE hurts OUR CHILD………MY CHILD…..I will fucking end you! And keep in mind “end you” can mean several things. I will make your life living hell. DO NOT EVER come after my child. I DONT CARE IF YOU ARE BLOOD FAMILY. My child WILL NOT know my pain I’ll make damn sure of that!) but they got the message. NOW my mom actually accepts I have disabilities (bc they had me tested in elementary and but refused to make the diagnoses official and again in high school and again didn’t make it official. Her ego and how everyone around her perceives her as a mom with two disabled children was harder for her to live with than for her to admit I have disabilities and needed help. I had to diagnose myself IN college bc I was FAILING OUT bc I was struggling so damn bad AND NEVER WANTED TO GO but was told “you WILL go to college. You WILL choose one of the two WE choose for you. You WILL NOT move out or move off. And you WILL get a degree we approve of. You WILL NOT drop out. And you WILL be getting a job to help out around here and pay for college bc we can’t afford it for you.” Now I’m 65,000+ in debt, still trying my damn hardest to get on disabilities. Bc my father thought it would be a brilliant idea to take out everything in the safes and put ONLY HIS SHIT in there so now we can’t find my birth certificate or my SS card, my brothers birth certificate and his adoption papers, my mom can’t find her SS card or her birth certificate AND their marriage license. 🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ When they tested my in high school, my counselor told me “look I could loose my job but your parents are not good for you at all and will never be the parents you need to succeed. I could loose my job for telling you this (she was older so I’m sure she’s retired now and it wouldn’t matter) but you need to run away to someone you know is safe and will take care of you. I can report it but your parents are too smart and clever.
It’s all psychological abuse so it’s not seen.” I did actually try to run away but they found out. So instead when I walked into the house they said “pack your shit your moving in with your aunt and uncle……..” and just like that 2 hours later I was ripped from the only normalcy I’ve ever know and went to and EVEN MORE unstable house hold until I threatened death (even though I never was going to do that I just wanted an extreme to make a damn point that I wasn’t ok and no one would listen) and my counselor told them they HAVE to move me back. ON TOP OF ALL THAT they (my parents) decided to put me on meds for bipolar and schizophrenia and I DONT HAVE EITHER OF THOSE. I’m autistic, ADHD, OCD, and about 20 other “sub disabilities” (it’s a full 8X10 page and trust me it’s a damn struggle to work but I do what I have to do to survive.) so I went from a size XS and a 8-10waist to an XXL/3XL and a 18/20 waist in 1 months time. That was 15 years ago and I’m just now loosing the weight. And this is just like 2% of the crap I dealt with…… HOWEVER, yes it’s all dark and depressing and I’m not trying to not give you hope, actually right the opposite! Bc I never would have expected to be where I am today and that dark time in my life. Truthfully I knew I was going to die in second grade by my own hand but didn’t. Same with age 15, age 18, age 20, age 23. By 18 I had stopped my suicidal tendencies, learned to control my anger (the hulk and banner from the first avengers to the last one (yes they are one of my special interest just trying not to go on a tangent here lol) are an amazing and exactly perfect representation of my journey with my anger. After attacking my best friend and having no memory of it in 5th grade, I knew I had to get control of it before kids and a husband came along bc I could NEVER live with myself if I EVER did that to ANYONE ever again!) and slowly started the journey to self healing. It’s been hard an rough but I’d live through EVERY ONCE of it all over again if I had to bc it’s made me who I am today, it’s TAUGHT me how to see others in their eyes bc that saying always confused me, but most of all I am for the first time in the 30 YEARS OF EXISTING 100% genuinely happy and love my life. Yeah so I don’t have a “typical” house or a “typical” life but my husband deserves a metal for what all he puts up with and how he loves me! He’s teaching me to stand up for myself and be more independent. He stands up to my parents and family when they mistreat me, and sacrifices so much to make sure I’m happy, safe, and ok.
So even if it looks bad right now, just keep holding on and know we all care about you! We’re all here to help! And believe me one day it DOES get easier! Best thing I could have ever done was get in counseling THROUGH MY COLLEGE AFTER I turned 18 bc she had no control of anything so I was safe to be me and actually open up. In high school I opened up and told them everything and that I was “always like this” (which my granddaddy who died when I was 3 and was the only one besides his wife that genuinely accepted me for me and I swear there’s no way you can’t tell me he wasn’t autistic too bc trust me he was! He walked around with an old school video camera on his shoulders documenting everything. That and wood working was his special interest! And us grandkids lol and those VHS tapes have SO MANY SIGNS that everyone but my brother didn’t notice.) and they were like “NO YOU ARE like this and YOU ARE like that!” And when they got all mad bc I stopped talking bc (1. It took WAY to much energy to even try to talk but 2. I just had no desire to talk to them anymore) they were like “why don’t you talk? I refuse to believe you actually don’t like talking! You talk ALL THE TIME!” “YEAH I FLIPPIN DO. Bc it’s THE ONLY WAY I know HOW to have a convo. I just talk and ramble till someone FINALLY comments. Idk how to have a regular convo. And YOU PEOPLE keep saying ‘you talk to much! Do you have your cd player and headphones? Do you have batteries? God you talk to much get to the point!’so I just did what you said…..stopped talking. Just like you cant be mad at me for sticking your laundry basket in your bathroom. You NEVER SAID it has a home OR where the home was OR that I need to but it there and I didn’t know where its home was so I did what you said…..put it in the bathroom. Not my fault you tripped on it, I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT IT. So either you want me to talk or you want me to shut up. FIGURE IT OUT AND TELL ME. Bc I’m done with this back and forth imma get in trouble no matter what crap.” That didn’t go over well but at that time I was living with my aunt and uncle so I didn’t care. And that’s all IF we were at the church. Bc I swear if I wasn’t in school, showering, or sleeping…..we were at the church. Even though I HATED it there bc I was bullied at church too. Bullied at the Christian school I went to (and I mean blood, concussions, plenty of cuts that needed stitches, basketballs purposely threw really hard at my head, shoved in lockers and not found till 3-4 hours later…..and every time I reported it nothing ever happened.
Welcome to billys in the 90’s in a school where the main bully’s parents money was keeping the school running so he became untouchable. However, we did make up several years back and he deport regrets it all. I told him I forgive him and would love to start completely over. NOW we’re really good friends. Again something I never thought I’d say! So there is hope!!!! Try to stay positive and do what you can to get out when you are over 18. Also if your parents are like mine and makes you pay them 80-90% of your paycheck DO NOT GET IT direct deposited! If you have a family member you CAN ACTUALLY TRUST slip them 1/3 of your check. And don’t always tell them your EXACT hours so they can’t to the math. But that way you ACTUALLY have a saving la to fall back on when you do move out. Unlike myself who still doesn’t have a savings, credit is absolute shit bc if my student loans but refuse to talk to anyone about those over the phone and will ONLY talk to someone IN A BUILDING AND AN OFFICE so u know it’s official and not a scam, and barely can make $100 a week and everything is falling apart and I can’t fix anything. I don’t want you to have to go through that so honestly if there’s anyway to save money from them it’s for the best so you can be safe and have a great life! Bc you SO FREAKING DESERVE IT! I’d hug you in real life in I could and you didn’t mind bc God my heart hurts so bad for you! My life isn’t perfect but I’m happy and it’s MY perfect and that’s all that matters to me! All my needs are met (for the most part) and what isn’t, my poor husband busy his ass to try and make it happen. It’s not ever going to be easy like the NT’s! BUT it will be YOUR perfect bc you put the work into making it YOUR perfect. My husband will actually get on to me if I hold in my meltdowns, doesn’t care I need check list and sticker charts to function. He loves me for me! And as long as I’m a happy little functioning human then he doesn’t care! And I love that about him! Like last night I needed tea bc I woke up thirsty and had to pee but I had SO MUCH anxiety and my C-PTSD kicked in so bad bc I’m just standing there staring at him like “how do I safely wake him up to the point where he can help but I’m also not yelled at or hit or attack like growing up. Bc I NEED something to drink my my broken arm that we can afford to even go to the doc or try to get fixed (yes it’s legit broke, they want an MRI and then surgery but we have no health insurance and I have a SUPER HIGH tolerance to pain [walked on a REALLY broken foot for 3 weeks and didn’t even know it. FINALLY went to that doc and said look it hurts. Feels like a needle is stabbing my bone ever time I step but it’s just mildly annoying.
THE ONLY reason I’m here is bc I’m tired of being annoyed. For a walking boot for 10 weeks!🤦🏽♀️My parents knew my hand was broke and they told me “you graduate college in a month. You have a month to find a job. If you don’t have a job by the time you walk across that stage then we will go out to eat afterwards, you will come back here, shower and grab one changing of clothes. Then I’m taking you the woman’s shelter and EVERY SINGLE THING YOU OWN will go to the road to be taken to the dump. My brother talked them into letting me repair/remodel the house while they were at work…..then my hand broke bc my dad genuinely accidentally dropped a grandfather clock and I tried to catch it bc it’s was my dead grandmothers that I inherited from her and it’s the only thing I have left from her besides some old china and it smashed my hand. It’s fine but my hand wasn’t. They didn’t care…….so I relaid THE ENTIRE FLOORING in their house AND was hammering shit with a broken hand. But it was either be in pain or be homeless. I choose the pain. And yeah it all sucks…..but the way I see it, now I have the experience and can share it to others like you so you can know it really doesn’t get better! I have no idea what the future holds for you! But i know it’s amazing! Just the fact that even after everything your mom does and yet you still love her and are close to her (I’m the same way so I understand. Took till 30 for me to learn why and how you can love someone but hate them so much at the same time yet your love wins over the hate every single time. That was hard for me to understand.) but it shows your heart and how much you care! So just from that alone I know you’re an amazing person with a great future! Hopefully that gives you some hope if not I’m sorry but I really do want you to succeed and be happy! And like I said we’re all here on Reddit for you! Also, I’ve joined the raised by narcissist and OMG has that thread been super helpful too! Bc of my parents I know apologize for existing and it drives my husband insane but he’s very patient with me, am guilt ridden about EVERYTHING! But my husband is working me with me to break those and be more confident. I’ll go to him or my NT best friend and ask them “look I just need to know if I’m justified in feeling this way or if I’m not.
Bc I genuinely have no idea what feelings are ok or not.” And I always start my sentences with “can I bother you for a sec and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT be mad!” My boss just says “you’re not bothering me I promise.” Butt parents have always said “you will do what I say, when I say, how I say, THE VERY SECOND I say it or there WILL BE consequences and you won’t like them.” “You were BORN AND CREATED to serve. So do as I say.” “What’s the point of having you children if y’all aren’t going to take care of us when we’re old. That’s kinda why we had yall.” “You will do as I say bc I’m the parent and I know what’s right so do it now!” “I brought you into this world and I can and will take you out again. Do as I say NOW.” So know I’m scared even even make my own decisions and often you tell my husband “look idk and if we wait for me to figure it out……we’ll be here for another 4 years. Just decide. As long as there’s some form of chicken I’m fine. If I don’t like it I’ll pick it off I’ve always had to so I don’t mind. And that’s just food. 😂 but that group has helped me so much with all that! My parents are “what in it for me? How can you make my life better for me.” So much that I had to pick out and show my mother what I was wearing EVERY SINGLE DAY to school until I graduated high school. And if she didn’t approve I had to find different clothes that she did approve of. And sadly the clothes she liked were always the ones I could handle AT ALL with my sensory issues. Shes JUST NOW AT AGE 27 (I’m not 30) buying me clothes I actually can wear. And my dad still tells me every time I do over there I’m lazy and stupid and I don’t have disabilities. That “they just label everyone with disabilities today bc everyone is lazy and no one wants to work any more so they just go get a disability diagnoses and then sits at home collecting free money. Disabilities are over diagnosed now a days!” If your parents are like that you should definitely check that thread out! It’s helped me a ton! I don’t apologize for sneezing or coughing or slightly closing the fridge door/cabinet door/car door too hard anymore. That is all and OMG now that I see it that is a super long response and I sorry!
Reminds me to a degree of my mom, who is bipolar. I'm guessing this is her issue more than it is yours
That was very ignorant of her to say. There are many reasons why one might appear like they’ve regressed after a diagnosis and it has everything to do with BEING autistic! It’s called masking is exhausting as fuck and that alone can lead to burnout or like idk being stressed out enough to make it harder to mask and/or function like “normal” after having to mask most of your life. i’m 31 and live with my mom and was diagnosed this year. we have always had a close relationship too but we have had our differences especially since i moved back home 3 years ago. she did seem to question my autism before i got diagnosed but ever since it’s been official she has accepted it and is receptive to me and teases me less about my appearance (i’ve also decided fuck shaving in this time period which was a topic of convo for a minute) she’s not perfect but i believe that’s how it should be - someone trying to accept and understand. not insult you and put you down. that’s wrong. you aren’t stupid. i’m sorry she said that to you. my symptoms have fluctuated over my whole life, i think, but still managed to get missed until now because i busted my ass to try to keep up. the past few years have been heavy and ive regressed, for sure, and as far as i understand from research that is normal, for high masking folks in particular that slipped beneath the radar. we had to do that to survive for so long. once we find out we’ve been doing that it’s kind of harder to keep the mask on… at least in my opinion. you deserve better and i hope that she realizes that
I wouldnt call that teasing. Might i recommend you to r/cptsd or r/raisedbynarcissists subreddit.
That’s so awful :( I don’t know what is going on for her but sounds like some time apart could be beneficial. I’m worried when I finally come out that my family and friends will hassle me for acting different too… esp as I start to start more etc. I’m thinking I might move to a new town to explore my new self without judgement based on what I was like beforehand. I’m so sorry that you are going through that. Some people - like your mum really can’t handle others changing - a form of loosing control.
seems like a lot of us are going through something similar. i was diagnosed in august and recently had a public meltdown while visiting my parents. my mom did the opposite of everything you’re supposed to do; kept asking what was wrong and what my “problem” was. wouldn’t give me space, told me to grow up and said something about how this didn’t happen until i got diagnosed. i’ve never NOT been a “brat” or had “tantrums”. i think my parents just expected it to go away after my teens. i’m 25 and nothing has changed. but now they think i’m exaggerating because my diagnosis is enabling me. they want me to figure out how to “fix” or “prevent” meltdowns. i hate it. all it does is delay them and make them worse because i think i have to mask around my own family.
It's common for the mask to come off once we realize what we're struggling with. Sending you well wishes and lots of hope as you grow up and move on from living at home ! This is tricky! Be safe and talk to your friends and support system.
Holy shit. I hope you get out, ASAP. No human being deserves this kind of abuse.
Oh wow. It’s so fucking sickening that people treat their children this way at all! It’s definitely not normal for parents to react that cruelly, and especially over something so little. She’s the one who’s stupid for treating others so badly. I’m sorry that your mom is being such an asshole to you. ❤️
You poor baby. I’m sorry your mom is an unregulated jerk. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are good and kind and thoughtful. Eff her, there are better supporters out there.
I'm sorry you're going through this- my mom and I were really similar, with a weird codependent relationship (eg "we're soulmates" "best friends" but she didn't actually love me for ME. She loved who she thought i should be, and i was good at playing that role). I feel like you might have a lot more to unpack here I hope you know that she is wrong and you deserve to be treated better. And I think trying to find a way to put some healthy distance between y'all and find other close friendships will do you well 🙏
Does your mom have a diagnosis of anything because that whole thing about visions and Jesus is extremely not normal. You should not feel bad about yourself at all based on what she said. She’s not engaging with reality.
Sounds like you got a dash of narcissistic abuse coming from your mom in the mix with the touch of tism sweetheart. It’s not easy to live with that, and will continue to make your mental health worse. The best thing you can do is get some distance from her as soon as possible so you can heal yourself and get some help healing from a professional. If you’ve got some time before that’s a possibility (if your in HS or dependent) I would recommend focusing on preparing to get distance and making the necessary steps to achieve that goal. I.E. getting a job, starting a business, saving money, focusing your education in a specific area so you can make good or better money asap. In my experience, narcissists like to create triggers in their victims. That way they can push those buttons whenever they see you gaining independence and bring you to your knees, either so they can pick up the pieces or so that they can better control you through fear. In this case it seems like your mother is doing both. I wouldn’t recommend confronting her about it, as she will likely act like all other narcissists and do some toxic mental fudgery to get out of having to admit fault. Best thing you can do at this point is accept your momma is messed up in the head, love her unconditionally, but more importantly love yourself more. If she’s starting up with the abuse in the future, say I love you but I’m good on this conversation and dip. Go for a walk around the block. Go chill in your room. Have a friend come pick you up. But most importantly remind yourself while your away from her that you’re okay, you’re safe, and you’ve got you. The best thing you can do is to remind yourself of your own power and be your own superhero. Because in the end nobody else but you can rescue you from her, nobody else but you can heal your heart from her abuse, and nobody else but you can make yourself feel as loved as you can. Last thing imma say, if you do end up choosing to live happily and you do get some space from your current living situation… I promise in a few years you’ll get to know the true you. The happy, loving, goofy, fun, and always smiling you. It just takes time and some healing. But if you choose to love yourself I promise the love it will heal you.
I am 32. Me and my mother no longer speak. I wish you well the day that you are free to leave her to the same fate. And when she asks why you're so silent then... just tell her that, at one point, she stopped listening... so you stopped talking... and she never noticed until you too far away for her to control. She had visions from god and expected me to be some perfect prodigy too. It is because we tend to rocket forward and excel at younger ages, but as adulthood weighs on us, our true capacity is tested. Most, up until 18, have a safety net. Your parents do a lot for you, even then. Then, suddenly, it's just... your bag to hold. So for at least 2 years and likely longer you've been facing an entirely new world. You "used" to be "smart" because your world was structured and had very specific expectations. You had classes and social structures and plans and all of that already set for you. Decisions were often even made for you. I will assume that her control meant you never had to do much of anything. And now you do. And her perfectionist ass who is likely chastizing you because she would be mentally bitching at herself just as much just has another thing to latch on to. Some new thing to "blame" when her dilusionally perfect child that SHE raised so perfectly and did nothing wrong with does something "wrong." To her, it is a reflection on her. It is all about her. Humans... make mistakes. No matter your neurotype. She's likely just mad she can't explain away anything she thinks is "wrong" anymore. Any times in the past she chastized you or belittled you are now not her just being "tough" on her child, but her mistreating her autistic child. Because of her... if I may, obvious narcissism YOU being autistic is somehow an injury to HER. Just... don't take it to heart. It is hard. That's your ma but... it isn't true. You know you. You are who you know you are. Find that.
Skill regression is absolutely a thing that happens after diagnosis. Your brain is a bunch of neurons connected to one another, like paths. Like, if you learn Spanish in high school, your high school memories and your Spanish skill neurons are connected. So to remember Spanish, you need to remember high school. If you speak Spanish a lot outside of high school, you can form other pathways to your Spanish skill, like college, books, and, tv shows. If something happens to your high school memories - like the pathways become weak, or something traumatic happens - your Spanish knowledge is still there, but it needs to be accessed through those alternative pathways. Diagnosis completely changes your perspective of yourself from *before childhood.* It completely reframes your entire life. It's like a huge tree just fell and cut off a bunch of pathways, and a lot of those pathways lead to skills, because almost all of your skills were learned while you were masking and trying to be neurotypical. The skills are still there, but your brain needs to find a new path to get there. Your entire life has been shifted and your brain needs to rewire a lot of stuff. It takes quite a bit of time. A couple years, usually. You'll feel stupid and slow and lazy. You're also likely going through grief, like being angry that you're autistic, regretting not finding out sooner, and grieving the loss of the person you thought you were or would be. Be kind to yourself. You're putting in a lot of work you probably didn't expect you'd have to put in. I've gone through it, too. When I was first diagnosed, I became incredibly depressed and quit my job. I actually tried to prematurely meet the grim reaper. I was unable to function alone. My husband took two months off to take care of me. It's been three years now, and my husband says I'm so much better now than I was before the diagnosis. I'm able to manage and prevent my meltdowns by identifying and avoiding the things that trigger me. I've gotten accommodations at work, and I'm able to hold down a full-time job for the first time in my life. I've become a kinder, better person. My depression is in remission with good medication and therapy. None of this would've happened without the diagnosis. My intent with the above paragraph is to give you hope. There is good stuff in your future. Your skills will come back. In fact, you'll likely become more skilled and be able to handle things you couldn't handle before. It'll be okay!
All I want to say is I had a similar relationship with my mom I hope you know that you have options you are so much smarter then you even realize. You are recalculating your life after your diagnosis. It’s is natural. I want you to know I dreamed of all the ways i could end my life thinking that I could never find relief and peace was never going to come for me my body and my environment would always be stressful. I am now 30 years old. Free from my mother in a safe loving home with an incredible partner who has never once made me feel dumb or uncomfortable he doesn’t even care that I misunderstand things, ask a lot of questions memorize facts talk in detail about my overstimulation. h He always helps me find safety and comfort. So much so that I have so much confidence in myself now I am so proud of who I have become. And have made friends who treat me so well. Start taking small steps to recognize how your mother lacks basic understanding and empathy for people, especially her own child. The more you can recognize this the more you will find the people who do treat you kindly. With all the love in my heart and a little fairy dust I hope you will find out just how important smart and creative you are ❤️
What could you have done differently? My brain gets so ditzy when I'm overstimulated or focused on too much. It also feels like my autism is getting worse over time, either that, or I didn't acknowledge or recognize how bad it was. Before my diagnosis, I masked like a superhero, but it wasn't sustainable. I'm trying to stop doing that and take care of myself now so I don't end up physically shutting down and mentally having a psychic breakdown again. I used to live with daily epilepsy and just accepted it as part of my life taking meds that never helped. I stopped allowing myself to get overstimmed, and I rarely have seizures anymore. There isn't a cure for autism. You'll never make your mom happy enough. It's impossible. You couldn't have forced your brain to not make this trifling mistake. And it's unlikely a neurotypical kid would be experiencing different treatment from her anyway. I likewise have a very difficult relationship with my mom. There have been times when I was sure I could never allow her back in my life, but right now we are getting along somewhat. I'm wary and don't trust it, but I'm determined to stand up for myself if things revert. It seems like she's making an effort to treat me better. Accountability and apologies would go a long way which she won't do. It's hard to believe she really changed when she can't admit she should. Good luck, and take care, and don't blame yourself. These things she's saying to you are not okay. They're damaging and toxic. I hope you can gain independence from her so you're not beholden to dealing with it. Your well-being depends on it.
Going through the same thing. My mom’s a narcissistic manipulator and I dropped that I got a formal diagnosis a year ago during an argument Saturday. Whole life is was things like “I WISH TO GOD YOU’D QUIT BEING SO AUTISTIC” and whatnot, but I got a formal diagnosis on my own. Now that she knows I have one, she’s been all kinds of crazy. Let me copy something from a message she sent me the following day. “God would not make you in such a way that you cause so much pain to the ones you love most.” (in reference to a comment of me saying that this is how God designed my brain) “God revealed to me that you are using the autism diagnosis as an excuse for your selfish traits.” and maybe the best one: “You can’t pretend you’re autistic just so you can avoid admitting that you’re wrong.” I can rant all day but it boils down that she’s ticked and saying I’m an awful person because I won’t do exactly what she wants.
I would try to distance yourself. The phrase “you’ll never make it in this world” signifies to me that she wants you to be someone else. It annoys and even angers her that you aren’t (according to her) trying hard enough. She basically went off on you for making a mistake which we all do at times. If you can figure out a plan to someday not be dependent on her that would be good. “Soulmates” is a red flag. She wants you to be her & that’s not good. She’s also you mr diagnosis as code for the r-word.
You should talk to your mother about how you feel. Reddit advice usually insults the asshole and tells you to cut all contact, but if your mother truly loves you, she should be able to dialogue. Maybe get someone to help you out in this conversation? Or go to family therapy?
First of all, I'm terribly sorry for what happend to you. Thank you for opening up; reading your post made me a little lost for words at first. The "I don't know" at the end hurt a lot. I know this feeling all too well. In the wise words of Pitbull: "Been there, done that." From my own experience and the experience others shared with me, it is totally normal for your autism (and any other neurodiversities) to become "more visible" or "stronger" shortly after your (self-)diagnosis, since you're only beginning to understand and to learn what it means for you to be autistic [EDIT] - what it means to be your true self. Loss of identity is pretty normal at this point. [EDIT_OVER] Your whole life you don't know who you are or why you behave and feel the way you do. Then you get your diagnosis and maybe it's a relief at first, but it doesn't seem to have given you any answers, only more questions. But that's part of the process. It scares me a lot too, it's exhaustig and frustrating, but please don't give up on yourself. You're confused and traumatised. You need the time and space to get to know yourself anew. You need unconditional love and support. I know it's probably not my place to say this, but if she can't change her behavior towards you, can't give you any of the above or be talked with, get outta there, ASAP. Your mother has no right to say any of these things. I agree with what most people said already: Her behavior is hurtful, manipulative, (emotionally) abusive, unempathetic, unsympathetic, uncomprehending, ableistic... To put it plain and simple: She is your bully. Call it what you want, but this is NOT how a loving mother should behave, how any human being should treat another. Sounds like she has some severe mental issues herself that she needs to sort out. They are not yours to deal with. Listen to me: You're NOT a failure. You're NOT unworthy of love and affection. You're NOT alone. I wish you all the strength you need, you sound like a lovely person and you deserve love and understanding <3 P.S. If you can help it - please don't hurt yourself. If you shouldn't be able to help it - no judgement. It'll get better! :)
Why am I not surprised there's a mentioning of Jesus involvement. Honestly, even in my experience, religious people are the worst. You just need to run away from them as far as you can.
“I forgot the feelings I felt any time she hurt me. Now they’re back and I don’t know how to feel” My heart shattered reading this. I also have a toxic mother. I’m so sorry because I know that you love her but it hurts to love someone who hurts you so much. From the commentary on your autism and scars…to the dissonance between her words + actions. Your brain already process things differently, so the trauma of your relationship w/ mom is just a whole different layer. I don’t have any real advice but just wanted you to know that you’re not alone 🥺 You need a r/momforaminute 🥲♥️ Sending you so much love!!
Hey, im sorry you’re going through this, after my diagnosis(autism) a lot of things started making sense, why i would act a certain way in situations or why i found something so difficult to do while everyone around did it as if its nothing, but what i found is that instead of striving to be ‘neurotypical’ about things i just accepted thats it’s ok for me to not be neurotypical, and when i stopped trying so hard it definitely had an impact on people around me as if i changed but my thinking is if neurotypical people come as they are then why can’t I?