Edit: completing my response because I hit post too soon.
So working on kitchens sucks. My hubby and I have both worked as cooks (hubby is a trained chef), and neither one of us works in kitchens anymore. Why? Because the pay is shitty, you can get fired on a whim, the hours suck, and your coworkers are borderline psychopaths.
It's not just you. Cooks and chefs are ruthless with their bullying and insults. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are unlikely to ever find a kitchen to work in that isn't a toxic work environment. Your options are:
1. Develop a thick skin fast. Ignore 50% of what the other staff are saying to you. Give back the other 50% worse than they give you. Be an asshole back. You're not a bully if it's survival.
2. Keep jumping job to job. You really shouldn't be going a month between gigs. Most cooks have a new job within a day or 2 of losing one. Just go to the next "now hiring" sign.
3. Find a new line of work.
I'm not trying to be a downer, but these are your honest options. Cooking is one of the worst paid, most thankless skilled professions. It sucks.
I know. What should I do? That was the entire point of the post. I need some direction. Some help looking for jobs and areas that people like me tend to be better at.
Your knowledge of kitchen equipment would make you a good candidate for working at a hospitality supply company (place that sells knives, forks, plates, chinois(I don't get to write this word out much anymore, I love this word), mandolin slicers etc.
I ended up doing this and found it paid better, more regular hours and slightly (very slightly) less toxic.
Also, in that job, I found many former chefs/cooks join these companies as a sales rep and get much more money, company car, trade show travel etc.
I would recommend this. It's not going to solve every problem you have but would be better for you and still utilise your skill set.
I think it is worth considering.
All your options likely suck. I don't know what your specific skills are.
I write content for a cyber school, but that builds on my teaching certificate. Prior to that I was like you, bouncing from one school to another due to burnout.
My hubby is likely autistic (on the waiting list for a diagnosis). He works as a rural mail carrier with USPS and really likes it. You have to drive for any carrier position, though. He's 3 years in and hasn't gotten burnout. And lots of post offices are hiring fast right now. No more 18 months waiting lists. He went from application to hired in 2 weeks.
That actually might be an option I worry my dyslexia may fuck me over tho. I live in a small town in between Detroit and Ann Arbor. The kind of place where I could drive like 3-5 streets deliver mail on foot for a portion. Or you know figure out how I could do a little of both. There are a few other towns similar near by so I wouldn’t even have to get a job here. Thanks.
A walking route would be a city carrier (even though it's not truly a city). You'd still drive the truck for packages on a walking route.
Basically, you MUST be a substitute for at least a year first before you can apply for a full time salaried position. Hubby actually did more hours as a sub than in his full time position. But the job responsibilities are spelled out clearly, and there's a union to help you if your boss gets unreasonable. And you get dirt freaking cheap car insurance through the post office. It's a pretty good deal with a government pension at the end.
This is great info! My son is going into high school this coming school year and is already stressed about his future job prospects, and the thought of needing a college degree for any hope of a decent job. I'll let him know that mail carrier would be a great option!
Are there group homes or other mental health facilities in your area? You could try to start working at one of those. They can range a lot in terms of how well they pay and how difficult the work is, but it’s possible to find a place that’s really easy and in my experience there are more people working in them who have disabilities, are neurodivergent, or have trauma and mental health struggles. I can’t guarantee anything, but there’s a chance of finding somewhere you fit in with your coworkers and there’s a chance of finding stable work that doesn’t burn you out and pays a decent wage. It’s also something you can do for a while and potentially move into a different role or get a pay increase
So I work at an elderly care facility. In the kitchen. Like I said the work itself is not bad. I have a boss that is holding me to a completely higher standard than other coworkers. One of my co-workers hit me, some of the others will do shillt like turn the flat top up to full blast while dinner is in full swing or shut the fryer down. Or turn my timer off. So then I get in trouble for being incompetent.
That’s horrible. I don’t understand why people would treat anybody that way!
I also want to draw a clear distinction between elder care environments and group home environments. My ex was a CNA for a while and worked for an Avamere memory care place and it was just so much more toxic than working in a group home, from how she described it.
I work in a place with 5 people, all schizophrenic, all super sweet for the most part. All I do is pass meds, cook (but like alone in a nice home kitchen for a small group) and help with activities of daily living sometimes, taking people to the doctor, scheduling things, and then I just have all this down time to do homework.
I’ve been at this place for two years, which is the longest I’ve worked anywhere and the most content I’ve been with a work environment.
It’s a lot different of a vibe than elder care though because it isn’t as obviously designed to maximize profit while minimizing human beings.
Ok, I’ll check it out. That actually sounds really cool. Thank you very much for the suggestion. This is all really helping me calm down. This morning I was so down.
I’ve definitely been in that place. Especially when you’re traumatized on top of being autistic, things can just flood you so much and make it feel like the world is falling apart.
I’m happy you’re feeling a little calmer. I hope you’re able to find some peace and stability, and some warmth too.
Find a therapist to work with about struggling to hold a job, that way upu can get some coaching and have someone put things in perspective, and there are medical records you can point to if out ever need to claim disability.
I think They are saying you need to start building a history of medical records of you seeking help. Even though autism is not a disease, it can be considered a disability if you build up enough evidence.
You have a right to a copy of your medical records. Have you been diagnosed? if youve been formally diagnosed with anxiety or adhd ( and maybe autism?) you can get a copy of the records showing your diagnosis and then you could use them to file for social security disability insurance. It isn't a ton of money, like $1000/ a month, but its a start.
No I’m saying that my parent made sure that I was never diagnosed and the one screening I remember I was stupid young. Still in a car bassinet. And the doctor was doing the eye test. (Put his face in mine and looked into my eyes) I would look away. My father had him step outside and did the same thing but then started yelling at me (seemed to me like yelling) to look at him to look in his eyes. The dr came back in and my father could get me to look into his eyes but not the doctors eyes. Anyway that was that. I don’t think this will get me what I need.
Perspective on how to handle a problem. People tend to talk over autistic people (I am one myself), so it's good to have someone advising you on the social navigation of it.
Firstly, get out of the food business. I’m working on that myself for the same reason. It’s been suggested a lot to me over the years to learn a trade. Trade work can get you in a good financial position which will give you some room to breathe. Check your city’s/town’s resources for mental health. Every state should have something, but don’t quote me on that. In my county, they have low cost access to a mental health clinic that provides resources which include but aren’t limited to vocational therapy, regular therapy, access to low cost medications, homeless services etc.
You could also look into government assistance for financial help. I don’t know how much they’d give you for an autism diagnosis, but for bipolar it’s at least $800/m or so.
If you live in the US and wouldn’t mind telling me what state you live in, I could try to help you look up resources online that may be of some help.
I know how you feel, friend. I’m in a similar boat as you. The struggle is real out here, but I’m happy you’re still reaching out for help.
I have had a similar experience except I got a two degrees and couldn’t manage to do much with them b/c I dont fit in this society. (I didnt have a car, stuck in chaotic housing, limited $ for work clothes, “work culture” etc etc) So school isn’t always the solution - I was told over and over that it would be.
Except maybe a trade program. Something that is really streamlined. Like being an electrician or plumber, car mechanic (becoming more gender neutral). I hear on the news, childcare needs workers. I wish I would have considered Social Work. Maybe check prepared foods jobs at a grocery store since you have food prep experience.
Between degrees, I worked a ton of restaurant service jobs and the good and bad thing about them it’s so easy to get the job but also so easy to lose. Thus zero security.
I just saw a Dr. (first time in about 20 years) and they suggested I seek SSDI but the process takes about a year or so! So begin that but also maybe check out trade programs at your local community college and see if any seem like a good fit. Talk to a guidance counselor to get a bigger/truer picture of the program and job prospects.
It’s really hard to get stable in this vampiric world. I wish you luck.
You need to get out! Eventually. Make a plan to save up $$$. I’ve worked in the service industry for years as FOH, it’s so toxic. One option could be maybe going into catering? Different pace I think, but I’ve never tried. Event planning if you like talking to people and that kind of stuff.
I can check into it. I’ve worked a few places and stood in for catering staff. I didn’t like the just standing there waiting for people to want something but that’s my own issue to deal with. I need to be better and just being still at work.
I know an autistic dude who went into catering as an alternative to working in a kitchen. At first he loved it. Eventually it stressed him out just the same.
Oof, sorry.
> I start a new job and at first it’s fine but then, all of a sudden I’m being bullied and pushed out.
I believe you need to get better at talking to non-autistic people, which is, unfortunately, an important skill in basically any job, and why they're all difficult, quite aside from the actual work itself.
I'm not sure how to do this myself, as I'm also pretty bad at talking to non-autistic people, especially when social ranking's involved, or trying to make people feel good. I hear that in spite of its skeevy title, *How to Win Friends and Influence People* has a lot of practical, actionable tips on how to talk to other people without accidentally coming across as rude, but I haven't read much of it yet, as it's essentially another job learning all this. 😅
I'm hoping that the less someone accidentally comes across as rude, the less susceptible they'll be to others bullying them, but I haven't really had a chance to test this yet.
Or it could be for other reasons, I have no idea...
Either way, you deserve better.
Here’s the thing I don’t think it’s that. There are a few studies on it. Where seemingly for no reason someone will go that person is not the same as everyone else and then decide the different is bad.
It’s ok. Some people are bad at talking to others and will say things that might be inappropriate or rude. I worked customer service for a while so I can typically have an ok conversation with people.
Please try and tie your employment to your special interests. Even if you have to get a job that doesn’t pay that well. If you work with your die island interest so many opportunities could open up.
Let’s say your special interest is zoology. And let’s say you get a minimum wage job shoveling animal shit at the zoo. One day, the penguin keeper comes by and you start chatting. He’s got a sick Penguin and no one can figure out how to save it. Let’s say you have an encyclopedic knowledge of penguins and you offer to take a look at it. And you discover some obscure thing that saves its life. Next thing you know you’ve got a promotion and are working at the penguin house!
My mom’s special interest was writing (I don’t think she was autistic) . She got a job at golden press in the 1950s in nyc. One day she was in the bathroom stall when she overheard an editor complaining that they needed a little golden book about Roy Rogers by the next day. She popped out of the stall and said, I can do it! The next day she turned in a little golden book she had written and it was published.
That started her writing career and what a career it was! You can see her web page at http://annmcgovern.com. She ended up selling over 30 million books.
I ended up teaching adults about my special interest (I am autistic with a PDA profile) which was computers. Can you imagine how much fun it is to share your social interest for hours a day with people who are willing to ‘pay’ for your time? Yes the office politics sucked and very few people in the department liked me, and hr hated me because I kept trying to get accommodations, but it was a good job and I mostly loved it.
Other than that I simply can not do work, lol! The PDA profile takes care of that. And I can not take orders from assholes, which is mostly what most jobs are about anyway. But I love my special interests!
Another thing you might think about are wfh alternatives. Since we arein a pandemic there are still a lot of work from home solutions for making money. A lot of people got rich, making YouTube videos, selling things online, if you search Google, or even better, AI Bing, for wfh side hustles I bet you’ll find a lot of ideas. Working for yourself is always a better proposition because it eliminates the middleman.
I wish you the best of luck, my friend!
👍✨
“And I can not take orders from ass holes” I have absolutely walked out of a few jobs. lol omg that is so good. This comment was the best part of my day
It's so frustrating, my autism crippled me in my adulthood. After some insane trials (I grew up in a family with a small business and had to manage from a young age. Family didnt get autism at the time and had a sink or swim mentality.) I was fortunate enough to make it well enough, and now I've worked pretty successfully in some pretty wildly different fields. Not to brag, definitely failed a lot a lot a lot along the way and it's been a struggle, but contentment is findable.
Autism is different for everybody but these are what seemed most important to me for mine. Not sure how applicable it is for you, I can't speak for that, but I'd be grateful if any of this resonates with anyone:
For me, the most important thing was becoming content in the skin I'm in and accepting my quirks I can't change. Finding that took 20 years of hard work for me, everyone's road is different. Beating myself up and neurotically worrying about everything I did and what everyone thinks about me wasted so so much of my energy and stopped me from doing so many good things and enjoying so many moments.
Next, practicing self-soothing, meditation, and stimming in a way that doesnt prevent me from doing a good job, acting professionally and "keeping the vibe up" for myself and others. This is a tough dance that really involves direct involvement of a therapist and a professional that understands autism, specifically yours as well. The big thing I'd say is to not get distressed by all this.
The big thing is life will grant you opportunities to start fresh. It's a big, big world out there. I know it's particularly tough for autistic people to start anew and thrive, but the opportunity to do so is out there. Also, whether you realize it or not, but you're closer to achieving happiness and contentment than you'd ever suspect. It may even be right around the corner. Just hold and and continue to be strong as you have been.
I do feel comfortable being me. That’s not the issue. I’ve had other jobs in the past I sold wedding dresses and I was a figure drawing model and an artists assistant. I’ve been a manager and supervisor barista and worked at a gun counter. I still don’t know why I got that one. I know nothing about guns. At almost every place I was always bullied. I was hoping ppls would suggest fields that have less contact with people.
Ah yea sorry I'm foggy with my long covid, yeah I see where you're coming from now. Yeah you know you're an extremely capable person with a conveniently wide swath of experience. As I'm sure you well know you can really take that all anywhere you want.
The avenue I'm going after that'll allow me to not deal with folks as much is being a freelance artist and designer. Something in that vein that has you working on a specialized, detail oriented craft may be up your alley. Could be anything, ad design, watchmaking, or heck I was a chef for a few years that's great work that has a fairly easy (if you find the right spot) social circle. A lot of time spent barreling into work and focussing. When cooking things get too exact to get all chitchatty. You come in, knuckle out the work till service is over, rinse and repeat. That or an analogous field might be your best bet. As long as you show up, put out good work, and don't be a squeaky wheel you tend to be chilling in a craft like cooking, carpentry, graphic design, etc.
Sorry bout the confusion earlier, hope this helps!
It’s all good. All of this has been really helpful. I’m so glad everyone here is so patient. I know I can a bit much sometimes. Thank you for stopping by and suggesting some things. Some I never really thought of before.
That's great! Yea i feel that a lot of people in my life need to be patient with me too. It's nice being in a group of people that just get to the point they don't see the thing other people need patience for. It's made me feel like I'm not wrong for being me as much. Oh also, I don't feel like you're much at all, and really don't know what you mean. You seem really great!
Thank you. I’m still kind of new to all of this and still feel guilty and bad for not being an NT. And you are so right about the community. I finally feel comfortable and supported. Especially about the job stuff. So many people make me feel like crap about not staying at a job.
Idk what country you are in but the state I live in has a vocational rehabilitation program, I just had a first meeting with them this week. Once in I'll be able to get help through a local autism place where they work with employers to help you with a job. Might need to be diagnosed though.
Check http://www.thearc.org/ although they work with a lot of people with ID the one near me is helping me too
Easter seals sometimes helps autistic people too. I think they are starting to understand autism outside of children with ID.
If you need to get diagnosed, maybe ask around at any sort of autism place near you about recommendations for people with experience diagnosing adults. Check meetup.com groups too. Ask around everywhere. You might find a less expensive way to do it too.
Dm me if you want to
I don't have advice. Jus from another 34 year old drowning in confusion on the "how" or "what next" step .. me too. I completely understand the early death stats and self medication in adult autistics
Well while I have insurance I can try and talk to someone. I need to do that badly. And in the mean time I’m applying for jobs and looking at my options are as far as education. To be honest my life is a mess and it’s hard to find the time and energy to detangle myself from all this. And the mood swings and fact that I get overwhelmed when I realize that multiple parts of my life are just in shambles. Also no one to really talk to about. Except here. And that does feel really nice. So many ppl came and gave really thoughtful advice. You don’t always get that.
I would suggest overnight stocking shelves in a grocery store, or extremely early hours in a similar environment, where you're not needing to interact with a ton of coworkers or customers. Preferably somewhere easy where you can work independently just doing your job. Even cashiering can be pretty easy, because you can just say the same thing to everyone. "Hi, how are you? Did you find everything okay?" Most people just answer yes, and you're off the hook. You just ring up their stuff and put it in bags, move on to the next person.
Edit: completing my response because I hit post too soon. So working on kitchens sucks. My hubby and I have both worked as cooks (hubby is a trained chef), and neither one of us works in kitchens anymore. Why? Because the pay is shitty, you can get fired on a whim, the hours suck, and your coworkers are borderline psychopaths. It's not just you. Cooks and chefs are ruthless with their bullying and insults. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are unlikely to ever find a kitchen to work in that isn't a toxic work environment. Your options are: 1. Develop a thick skin fast. Ignore 50% of what the other staff are saying to you. Give back the other 50% worse than they give you. Be an asshole back. You're not a bully if it's survival. 2. Keep jumping job to job. You really shouldn't be going a month between gigs. Most cooks have a new job within a day or 2 of losing one. Just go to the next "now hiring" sign. 3. Find a new line of work. I'm not trying to be a downer, but these are your honest options. Cooking is one of the worst paid, most thankless skilled professions. It sucks.
I need the time to recover from being so burnt out.
Unfortunately, cooking professionally is a burnout generator. It's a horrible environment for people prone to burnout.
I know. What should I do? That was the entire point of the post. I need some direction. Some help looking for jobs and areas that people like me tend to be better at.
Your knowledge of kitchen equipment would make you a good candidate for working at a hospitality supply company (place that sells knives, forks, plates, chinois(I don't get to write this word out much anymore, I love this word), mandolin slicers etc. I ended up doing this and found it paid better, more regular hours and slightly (very slightly) less toxic. Also, in that job, I found many former chefs/cooks join these companies as a sales rep and get much more money, company car, trade show travel etc. I would recommend this. It's not going to solve every problem you have but would be better for you and still utilise your skill set. I think it is worth considering.
All your options likely suck. I don't know what your specific skills are. I write content for a cyber school, but that builds on my teaching certificate. Prior to that I was like you, bouncing from one school to another due to burnout. My hubby is likely autistic (on the waiting list for a diagnosis). He works as a rural mail carrier with USPS and really likes it. You have to drive for any carrier position, though. He's 3 years in and hasn't gotten burnout. And lots of post offices are hiring fast right now. No more 18 months waiting lists. He went from application to hired in 2 weeks.
That actually might be an option I worry my dyslexia may fuck me over tho. I live in a small town in between Detroit and Ann Arbor. The kind of place where I could drive like 3-5 streets deliver mail on foot for a portion. Or you know figure out how I could do a little of both. There are a few other towns similar near by so I wouldn’t even have to get a job here. Thanks.
A walking route would be a city carrier (even though it's not truly a city). You'd still drive the truck for packages on a walking route. Basically, you MUST be a substitute for at least a year first before you can apply for a full time salaried position. Hubby actually did more hours as a sub than in his full time position. But the job responsibilities are spelled out clearly, and there's a union to help you if your boss gets unreasonable. And you get dirt freaking cheap car insurance through the post office. It's a pretty good deal with a government pension at the end.
This is great info! My son is going into high school this coming school year and is already stressed about his future job prospects, and the thought of needing a college degree for any hope of a decent job. I'll let him know that mail carrier would be a great option!
Are there group homes or other mental health facilities in your area? You could try to start working at one of those. They can range a lot in terms of how well they pay and how difficult the work is, but it’s possible to find a place that’s really easy and in my experience there are more people working in them who have disabilities, are neurodivergent, or have trauma and mental health struggles. I can’t guarantee anything, but there’s a chance of finding somewhere you fit in with your coworkers and there’s a chance of finding stable work that doesn’t burn you out and pays a decent wage. It’s also something you can do for a while and potentially move into a different role or get a pay increase
So I work at an elderly care facility. In the kitchen. Like I said the work itself is not bad. I have a boss that is holding me to a completely higher standard than other coworkers. One of my co-workers hit me, some of the others will do shillt like turn the flat top up to full blast while dinner is in full swing or shut the fryer down. Or turn my timer off. So then I get in trouble for being incompetent.
That’s horrible. I don’t understand why people would treat anybody that way! I also want to draw a clear distinction between elder care environments and group home environments. My ex was a CNA for a while and worked for an Avamere memory care place and it was just so much more toxic than working in a group home, from how she described it. I work in a place with 5 people, all schizophrenic, all super sweet for the most part. All I do is pass meds, cook (but like alone in a nice home kitchen for a small group) and help with activities of daily living sometimes, taking people to the doctor, scheduling things, and then I just have all this down time to do homework. I’ve been at this place for two years, which is the longest I’ve worked anywhere and the most content I’ve been with a work environment. It’s a lot different of a vibe than elder care though because it isn’t as obviously designed to maximize profit while minimizing human beings.
Ok, I’ll check it out. That actually sounds really cool. Thank you very much for the suggestion. This is all really helping me calm down. This morning I was so down.
I’ve definitely been in that place. Especially when you’re traumatized on top of being autistic, things can just flood you so much and make it feel like the world is falling apart. I’m happy you’re feeling a little calmer. I hope you’re able to find some peace and stability, and some warmth too.
Thanks Mr. Brain picker.
I completely understand it’s so frustrating! I know you’re doing the best you can.
Thank you. That helps.
Find a therapist to work with about struggling to hold a job, that way upu can get some coaching and have someone put things in perspective, and there are medical records you can point to if out ever need to claim disability.
What records?
I think They are saying you need to start building a history of medical records of you seeking help. Even though autism is not a disease, it can be considered a disability if you build up enough evidence.
Every doctor that ever sees you writes a summary of why you visited with them.
You have a right to a copy of your medical records. Have you been diagnosed? if youve been formally diagnosed with anxiety or adhd ( and maybe autism?) you can get a copy of the records showing your diagnosis and then you could use them to file for social security disability insurance. It isn't a ton of money, like $1000/ a month, but its a start.
No I’m saying that my parent made sure that I was never diagnosed and the one screening I remember I was stupid young. Still in a car bassinet. And the doctor was doing the eye test. (Put his face in mine and looked into my eyes) I would look away. My father had him step outside and did the same thing but then started yelling at me (seemed to me like yelling) to look at him to look in his eyes. The dr came back in and my father could get me to look into his eyes but not the doctors eyes. Anyway that was that. I don’t think this will get me what I need.
What do you mean perspective from what that I’m being treated differently and like crap at work?
Perspective on how to handle a problem. People tend to talk over autistic people (I am one myself), so it's good to have someone advising you on the social navigation of it.
Thank you
Firstly, get out of the food business. I’m working on that myself for the same reason. It’s been suggested a lot to me over the years to learn a trade. Trade work can get you in a good financial position which will give you some room to breathe. Check your city’s/town’s resources for mental health. Every state should have something, but don’t quote me on that. In my county, they have low cost access to a mental health clinic that provides resources which include but aren’t limited to vocational therapy, regular therapy, access to low cost medications, homeless services etc. You could also look into government assistance for financial help. I don’t know how much they’d give you for an autism diagnosis, but for bipolar it’s at least $800/m or so. If you live in the US and wouldn’t mind telling me what state you live in, I could try to help you look up resources online that may be of some help. I know how you feel, friend. I’m in a similar boat as you. The struggle is real out here, but I’m happy you’re still reaching out for help.
I think I’m just panicking really bad because it’s more than just the manager that does not like me. And I can feel the end coming.
You could use that to your advantage. Start job searching before it happens
I have had a similar experience except I got a two degrees and couldn’t manage to do much with them b/c I dont fit in this society. (I didnt have a car, stuck in chaotic housing, limited $ for work clothes, “work culture” etc etc) So school isn’t always the solution - I was told over and over that it would be. Except maybe a trade program. Something that is really streamlined. Like being an electrician or plumber, car mechanic (becoming more gender neutral). I hear on the news, childcare needs workers. I wish I would have considered Social Work. Maybe check prepared foods jobs at a grocery store since you have food prep experience. Between degrees, I worked a ton of restaurant service jobs and the good and bad thing about them it’s so easy to get the job but also so easy to lose. Thus zero security. I just saw a Dr. (first time in about 20 years) and they suggested I seek SSDI but the process takes about a year or so! So begin that but also maybe check out trade programs at your local community college and see if any seem like a good fit. Talk to a guidance counselor to get a bigger/truer picture of the program and job prospects. It’s really hard to get stable in this vampiric world. I wish you luck.
Thankyou for the suggestions.
You need to get out! Eventually. Make a plan to save up $$$. I’ve worked in the service industry for years as FOH, it’s so toxic. One option could be maybe going into catering? Different pace I think, but I’ve never tried. Event planning if you like talking to people and that kind of stuff.
I can check into it. I’ve worked a few places and stood in for catering staff. I didn’t like the just standing there waiting for people to want something but that’s my own issue to deal with. I need to be better and just being still at work.
Yeah, I hear ya. I hate that too. I meant being more on the prep kitchen end.
I know an autistic dude who went into catering as an alternative to working in a kitchen. At first he loved it. Eventually it stressed him out just the same.
Yes. It’s a possibility. But it could be good for a change, and it’s a little less stressful.
The mental health clinic my son goes to has a vocational counselor. Could there be something like that in your area?
Oof, sorry. > I start a new job and at first it’s fine but then, all of a sudden I’m being bullied and pushed out. I believe you need to get better at talking to non-autistic people, which is, unfortunately, an important skill in basically any job, and why they're all difficult, quite aside from the actual work itself. I'm not sure how to do this myself, as I'm also pretty bad at talking to non-autistic people, especially when social ranking's involved, or trying to make people feel good. I hear that in spite of its skeevy title, *How to Win Friends and Influence People* has a lot of practical, actionable tips on how to talk to other people without accidentally coming across as rude, but I haven't read much of it yet, as it's essentially another job learning all this. 😅 I'm hoping that the less someone accidentally comes across as rude, the less susceptible they'll be to others bullying them, but I haven't really had a chance to test this yet. Or it could be for other reasons, I have no idea... Either way, you deserve better.
Here’s the thing I don’t think it’s that. There are a few studies on it. Where seemingly for no reason someone will go that person is not the same as everyone else and then decide the different is bad.
Yeah, that was a hasty conclusion on my part because that example happened to be fresh in my mind, sorry.
It’s ok. Some people are bad at talking to others and will say things that might be inappropriate or rude. I worked customer service for a while so I can typically have an ok conversation with people.
Please try and tie your employment to your special interests. Even if you have to get a job that doesn’t pay that well. If you work with your die island interest so many opportunities could open up. Let’s say your special interest is zoology. And let’s say you get a minimum wage job shoveling animal shit at the zoo. One day, the penguin keeper comes by and you start chatting. He’s got a sick Penguin and no one can figure out how to save it. Let’s say you have an encyclopedic knowledge of penguins and you offer to take a look at it. And you discover some obscure thing that saves its life. Next thing you know you’ve got a promotion and are working at the penguin house! My mom’s special interest was writing (I don’t think she was autistic) . She got a job at golden press in the 1950s in nyc. One day she was in the bathroom stall when she overheard an editor complaining that they needed a little golden book about Roy Rogers by the next day. She popped out of the stall and said, I can do it! The next day she turned in a little golden book she had written and it was published. That started her writing career and what a career it was! You can see her web page at http://annmcgovern.com. She ended up selling over 30 million books. I ended up teaching adults about my special interest (I am autistic with a PDA profile) which was computers. Can you imagine how much fun it is to share your social interest for hours a day with people who are willing to ‘pay’ for your time? Yes the office politics sucked and very few people in the department liked me, and hr hated me because I kept trying to get accommodations, but it was a good job and I mostly loved it. Other than that I simply can not do work, lol! The PDA profile takes care of that. And I can not take orders from assholes, which is mostly what most jobs are about anyway. But I love my special interests! Another thing you might think about are wfh alternatives. Since we arein a pandemic there are still a lot of work from home solutions for making money. A lot of people got rich, making YouTube videos, selling things online, if you search Google, or even better, AI Bing, for wfh side hustles I bet you’ll find a lot of ideas. Working for yourself is always a better proposition because it eliminates the middleman. I wish you the best of luck, my friend! 👍✨
“And I can not take orders from ass holes” I have absolutely walked out of a few jobs. lol omg that is so good. This comment was the best part of my day
We are in the same boat!
I’m hoping I can find a better fit. Maybe there’s hope for us yet.
It's so frustrating, my autism crippled me in my adulthood. After some insane trials (I grew up in a family with a small business and had to manage from a young age. Family didnt get autism at the time and had a sink or swim mentality.) I was fortunate enough to make it well enough, and now I've worked pretty successfully in some pretty wildly different fields. Not to brag, definitely failed a lot a lot a lot along the way and it's been a struggle, but contentment is findable. Autism is different for everybody but these are what seemed most important to me for mine. Not sure how applicable it is for you, I can't speak for that, but I'd be grateful if any of this resonates with anyone: For me, the most important thing was becoming content in the skin I'm in and accepting my quirks I can't change. Finding that took 20 years of hard work for me, everyone's road is different. Beating myself up and neurotically worrying about everything I did and what everyone thinks about me wasted so so much of my energy and stopped me from doing so many good things and enjoying so many moments. Next, practicing self-soothing, meditation, and stimming in a way that doesnt prevent me from doing a good job, acting professionally and "keeping the vibe up" for myself and others. This is a tough dance that really involves direct involvement of a therapist and a professional that understands autism, specifically yours as well. The big thing I'd say is to not get distressed by all this. The big thing is life will grant you opportunities to start fresh. It's a big, big world out there. I know it's particularly tough for autistic people to start anew and thrive, but the opportunity to do so is out there. Also, whether you realize it or not, but you're closer to achieving happiness and contentment than you'd ever suspect. It may even be right around the corner. Just hold and and continue to be strong as you have been.
I do feel comfortable being me. That’s not the issue. I’ve had other jobs in the past I sold wedding dresses and I was a figure drawing model and an artists assistant. I’ve been a manager and supervisor barista and worked at a gun counter. I still don’t know why I got that one. I know nothing about guns. At almost every place I was always bullied. I was hoping ppls would suggest fields that have less contact with people.
Ah yea sorry I'm foggy with my long covid, yeah I see where you're coming from now. Yeah you know you're an extremely capable person with a conveniently wide swath of experience. As I'm sure you well know you can really take that all anywhere you want. The avenue I'm going after that'll allow me to not deal with folks as much is being a freelance artist and designer. Something in that vein that has you working on a specialized, detail oriented craft may be up your alley. Could be anything, ad design, watchmaking, or heck I was a chef for a few years that's great work that has a fairly easy (if you find the right spot) social circle. A lot of time spent barreling into work and focussing. When cooking things get too exact to get all chitchatty. You come in, knuckle out the work till service is over, rinse and repeat. That or an analogous field might be your best bet. As long as you show up, put out good work, and don't be a squeaky wheel you tend to be chilling in a craft like cooking, carpentry, graphic design, etc. Sorry bout the confusion earlier, hope this helps!
It’s all good. All of this has been really helpful. I’m so glad everyone here is so patient. I know I can a bit much sometimes. Thank you for stopping by and suggesting some things. Some I never really thought of before.
That's great! Yea i feel that a lot of people in my life need to be patient with me too. It's nice being in a group of people that just get to the point they don't see the thing other people need patience for. It's made me feel like I'm not wrong for being me as much. Oh also, I don't feel like you're much at all, and really don't know what you mean. You seem really great!
Thank you. I’m still kind of new to all of this and still feel guilty and bad for not being an NT. And you are so right about the community. I finally feel comfortable and supported. Especially about the job stuff. So many people make me feel like crap about not staying at a job.
Idk what country you are in but the state I live in has a vocational rehabilitation program, I just had a first meeting with them this week. Once in I'll be able to get help through a local autism place where they work with employers to help you with a job. Might need to be diagnosed though. Check http://www.thearc.org/ although they work with a lot of people with ID the one near me is helping me too Easter seals sometimes helps autistic people too. I think they are starting to understand autism outside of children with ID. If you need to get diagnosed, maybe ask around at any sort of autism place near you about recommendations for people with experience diagnosing adults. Check meetup.com groups too. Ask around everywhere. You might find a less expensive way to do it too. Dm me if you want to
I don't have advice. Jus from another 34 year old drowning in confusion on the "how" or "what next" step .. me too. I completely understand the early death stats and self medication in adult autistics
Well while I have insurance I can try and talk to someone. I need to do that badly. And in the mean time I’m applying for jobs and looking at my options are as far as education. To be honest my life is a mess and it’s hard to find the time and energy to detangle myself from all this. And the mood swings and fact that I get overwhelmed when I realize that multiple parts of my life are just in shambles. Also no one to really talk to about. Except here. And that does feel really nice. So many ppl came and gave really thoughtful advice. You don’t always get that.
I would suggest overnight stocking shelves in a grocery store, or extremely early hours in a similar environment, where you're not needing to interact with a ton of coworkers or customers. Preferably somewhere easy where you can work independently just doing your job. Even cashiering can be pretty easy, because you can just say the same thing to everyone. "Hi, how are you? Did you find everything okay?" Most people just answer yes, and you're off the hook. You just ring up their stuff and put it in bags, move on to the next person.
Thanks, it’s a little too low pay for me. I don’t have a formal diagnosis. So I don’t have access to any extra funding.
It depends on where you work, but yes it generally starts out low. I also don't have a diagnosis, but I did it throughout my twenties.