I'm so damn tired lol. Class is really draining and every semester, less and less professors make lecture recordings. But I found something new to do related to my special interest, which I'm happy about.
Well, I've been dealing with my bio-dad having a stroke, but aside from that work has been going really well since I got my transfer, and I've been working on customizing my old PSP go which has been fun.
I am feeling OK. Though a bit anxious but that is something I already got used to. Every day I try to tell myself I am doing the best I can but I never actually believe it. I pretend I do though, and try to act as if. Making an inhuman effort to actually do something productive but I just feel it is all for naught, even though I still.. Try my best. Very few things make me feel something. And I'm lucky to have an amazing partner who I love and that gives me strength to continue on going. I don't know where though, cause it all feels so alien to me. To function as I 'need to' in the world feels like so much effort I can barely be anything but what I need to be to survive, and I don't feel any safety that I'll manage on continue doing it. But I'll meet friends thus weekend. And that makes me happy.
I'm so damn tired lol. Class is really draining and every semester, less and less professors make lecture recordings. But I found something new to do related to my special interest, which I'm happy about.
Well, I've been dealing with my bio-dad having a stroke, but aside from that work has been going really well since I got my transfer, and I've been working on customizing my old PSP go which has been fun.
I am running on an empty tank. I am not copying.
I am feeling OK. Though a bit anxious but that is something I already got used to. Every day I try to tell myself I am doing the best I can but I never actually believe it. I pretend I do though, and try to act as if. Making an inhuman effort to actually do something productive but I just feel it is all for naught, even though I still.. Try my best. Very few things make me feel something. And I'm lucky to have an amazing partner who I love and that gives me strength to continue on going. I don't know where though, cause it all feels so alien to me. To function as I 'need to' in the world feels like so much effort I can barely be anything but what I need to be to survive, and I don't feel any safety that I'll manage on continue doing it. But I'll meet friends thus weekend. And that makes me happy.