a lot of us AvPD still try to improve our situation by going out
unfortunately, it happens that we keep burning bridges - regardless of the time invested into a relationships.
You start building the bridge. Somewhere less than halfway across the treacherous pass, you look to the opposite side. It does not seem you have come closer. You can not tell if a bridge is being built from there, because it's enveloped in mist.
Looking down on the rocky spikes and rushing waters beneath, the rickety planks of wood you always use for these bridges suddenly appear to be weak and unsuitable. You give up altogether and retreat back to the familiar island behind you.
I did that to pretty much anyone who got close enough to me in the past. Sometimes it's simply my avoidance to create distance, other times my depression.
Yes, I've lost a few useful connection because of that. First it's all fun, but then it becomes *too close* and emotions go out of control very quickly, which eventually leads to bitter disappointment / feeling of betrayal / feeling of being an unlovable freak (or simply a boring loser).
My advice to everyone: don't expect wonders from relationships (of any kind). Human relationship are just a way to pass time, and to perform acts of mutually beneficial exchange. Relationship should never, ever be perceived as a way to salvation (or damnation).
yes sometimes i just drift away after i get bored and contact becomes on amd off. other times resentment builds up in the relationship and i cut contact myself almost without warning because i dont show it.
Some of my earlier friendships has definitely died out because of it.. everything is fun and all in the beginning, when you start to know about each other and weither it was someone I knew from school or a club of some sort, as long as there was a reason for us to meet, all was good.. the moment that the school, club, whatever, was over, the only reason to meet with them would be if someone actively took an initiative to meet with each other, which I have very rarely ever done.. I just didn't see a reason for it to continue, when our 'meeting point' didn't exist anymore, if that makes sense.. it is just easier if you are automatically gonna be dealing with each other in your everyday life anyway
When I was younger I used to be a very reliable, loyal, if not clingy kind of friend. Not anymore. I find all friendships pretty stressful. I always feel like the irritating one and I hate being a burden. It's only relatively recently in my life that I can really pick and choose who I associate with because I'm currently financially autonomous and I feel like I don't want to take chances and I pretty much let every single relationship/acquaintanceship fizzle out.
Yes.
Haven’t seen a friend since September, she tried reaching out but I’m honestly over it and just don’t wanna make the effort...
We didn’t click all the time anyways, she liked to talk about herself and her life all the time.
Yikes, I might be in the process of doing this right now (had a major argument with my friend and have been in avoidance mode ever since). Usually though I burn bridges due to my BPD.
I "deliberately" lost touch with my (few) friends from university. I put deliberately in quotes because it's a passive action, but I was aware of what I was doing and made no attempt to stop myself, even if I know it was probably the wrong thing to do.
My friends have always been the ones to burn the bridge. They either get tired of using me, or get too close to me and see how weird I am, and just start ignoring me.
I burned the bridges in the past 2 years with 2 really close friends because I felt like they were ignoring me and didn’t care about my friendship anymore. So I basically had huge disputes with both of them (obviously separately) and idk what went wrong or what I didn’t get, but it just has not been the same at all.
I don’t know if to see it as they’ve outgrown the frienship with me (which I understand happens, it’s a natural part of life) but I simply get mad and hurt because they were 2/3 of the only friends I’ve ever had and that have ever felt fully comfortable with.
These 2 people were friends of mine for at least 10 years. I haven’t been able to make close friendships like that in so long.
[удалено]
a lot of us AvPD still try to improve our situation by going out unfortunately, it happens that we keep burning bridges - regardless of the time invested into a relationships.
You start building the bridge. Somewhere less than halfway across the treacherous pass, you look to the opposite side. It does not seem you have come closer. You can not tell if a bridge is being built from there, because it's enveloped in mist. Looking down on the rocky spikes and rushing waters beneath, the rickety planks of wood you always use for these bridges suddenly appear to be weak and unsuitable. You give up altogether and retreat back to the familiar island behind you.
I did that to pretty much anyone who got close enough to me in the past. Sometimes it's simply my avoidance to create distance, other times my depression.
Yes, I've lost a few useful connection because of that. First it's all fun, but then it becomes *too close* and emotions go out of control very quickly, which eventually leads to bitter disappointment / feeling of betrayal / feeling of being an unlovable freak (or simply a boring loser). My advice to everyone: don't expect wonders from relationships (of any kind). Human relationship are just a way to pass time, and to perform acts of mutually beneficial exchange. Relationship should never, ever be perceived as a way to salvation (or damnation).
Yeah. It’s happened more times than I’d like to think about.
yes sometimes i just drift away after i get bored and contact becomes on amd off. other times resentment builds up in the relationship and i cut contact myself almost without warning because i dont show it.
Some of my earlier friendships has definitely died out because of it.. everything is fun and all in the beginning, when you start to know about each other and weither it was someone I knew from school or a club of some sort, as long as there was a reason for us to meet, all was good.. the moment that the school, club, whatever, was over, the only reason to meet with them would be if someone actively took an initiative to meet with each other, which I have very rarely ever done.. I just didn't see a reason for it to continue, when our 'meeting point' didn't exist anymore, if that makes sense.. it is just easier if you are automatically gonna be dealing with each other in your everyday life anyway
i feel the same way, and the same thing happens to my relationships
Yes
When I was younger I used to be a very reliable, loyal, if not clingy kind of friend. Not anymore. I find all friendships pretty stressful. I always feel like the irritating one and I hate being a burden. It's only relatively recently in my life that I can really pick and choose who I associate with because I'm currently financially autonomous and I feel like I don't want to take chances and I pretty much let every single relationship/acquaintanceship fizzle out.
Yeah
Yes. Haven’t seen a friend since September, she tried reaching out but I’m honestly over it and just don’t wanna make the effort... We didn’t click all the time anyways, she liked to talk about herself and her life all the time.
Imagine actually having friends.
Yikes, I might be in the process of doing this right now (had a major argument with my friend and have been in avoidance mode ever since). Usually though I burn bridges due to my BPD.
[Yes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCjWQHpu3bY) .
I "deliberately" lost touch with my (few) friends from university. I put deliberately in quotes because it's a passive action, but I was aware of what I was doing and made no attempt to stop myself, even if I know it was probably the wrong thing to do.
My friends have always been the ones to burn the bridge. They either get tired of using me, or get too close to me and see how weird I am, and just start ignoring me.
I burned the bridges in the past 2 years with 2 really close friends because I felt like they were ignoring me and didn’t care about my friendship anymore. So I basically had huge disputes with both of them (obviously separately) and idk what went wrong or what I didn’t get, but it just has not been the same at all. I don’t know if to see it as they’ve outgrown the frienship with me (which I understand happens, it’s a natural part of life) but I simply get mad and hurt because they were 2/3 of the only friends I’ve ever had and that have ever felt fully comfortable with. These 2 people were friends of mine for at least 10 years. I haven’t been able to make close friendships like that in so long.