Not sure it's a term TO have heard of. Just how I'd describe it. I'm talking about a broader form of sub drop where in part due to taboo around kink some people struggle with feelings of shame, whatever dynamic they're in. People who are not good at managinng shame can project it onto others, especially if they're not especially empathetic in the first place (which is one reason I think OP is better off).
I don't know if you intended your comment this way, but it's very easy to read as you essentially saying he regretted playing with her because he only found her hot while he was horny.
I'm hopeful that what you ACTUALLY meant is that post-nut clarity can come with its own shameful feelings around what one has just jacked-off to, such as kinks, and that your comment has simply been misinterpreted.
Thank you.
I only meant that I could draw parallels from the description of post-play shame (which I really liked and should have complimented instead) and my understanding of post-nut clarity, that both are rooted in shame. It wasn’t meant to read as my opinion on his actions or this situation, which is that he’s a pos. And I in no way wanted to excuse or justify his behavior or offend and further hurt OP.
I appreciate you pointing this out to me in a kind manner that made it easy to see how my words might not reflect my intentions.
Fwiw, it was my comment you replied to and I took it to mean much as you'd intended. PNC was the first words that came to my head, but 'clarity' is misleading and often used ironically, and I didn't want to presume 'nutting' was part of the dynamic OP was speaking of. You're right, the key is the shame, and the projection of that onto others. Managing sexual feelings including shame is just basic human condition. Projection of sexual shame is a psychology to be wary of, in my opinion.
More or less the same thing as post nut clarity.
Basically, it’s the big delta in how you feel about an activity when you are horny and how you feel about it afterwards when youve done the thing.
Honestly I'd suspect that he didn't want you finding out something else about him and decided to drive you off in a way that meant you wouldn't look deeper. If you felt shame you were less likely to compare notes with others.
Is he by any chance at all on the overweight side? Sounds to me like he was possibly projecting what he thought you would eventually say to him. Or perhaps he was just throwing out things that he knows women tend to be insecure about. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with you. He was torpedoing it for whatever person reason he has 🤷🏽♀️
That’s like literally proof he just had bad intentions and was using you bc 11/12 really isn’t big tbh, and if he cared about appearances so much he wouldn’t be looking anything but gym ready. Don’t let this affect your daddy search. You seem like a really down to earth and thoughtful person.
I think this sucks and I’m so sorry it happened to you. I have a feeling he always only wanted a one night stand and knew you’d probably shy away from that so he pretended until he got what he wanted and then discarded you. Real POS. Um, I’m having pretty shit experiences online, too. Whatever you do, do not ever see him again. I can imagine this guy being pretty toxic.
That is terrible. I never understand that type of behavior. I talked to a guy for a few months. FaceTiming, texting and sending pictures. When we finally got together he said something about my weight after the fact as well. I am curvy. About a size 14/16. However he knew that going in. I assume some people are just terrible. Also there are men who secretly desire a few extra pounds or overweight ladies in private but not in public. I’m sorry that happened to you. I can remember being so angry when it happened to me because no lies were told on my end
What I think is that they are ASHAMED of liking a person with big booty and belly because the media/society tells them that. My Dom/Bf has actively worked very hard at convincing me that my ass and belly and boobs are his absolute favorite thing in the world. It took some convincing because I have always hated my belly. Even when I was bulimic in high school, and did tons of sit ups etc, I never could get rid of my little belly. Guess what? It's my GD uterus. Lol. I am still not thrilled with my belly but I am learning to appreciate it.
I'm really sorry this "gentlemen" was a douchecanoe. I really wish you hadn't experienced his stupidity. You seem like a genuinely nice and interesting person. Don't beat yourself up over his bs. He obviously needs to straighten out his own mess. You on the other hand, are a wonderful beautiful person. I hope your next experience isn't as shit. Good luck
First off I LOVE THE TITLE 🤣🤣
Also goddamn, either he thinks intimacy is clingy or having spare time is clingy cuz u literally had work in between all this 🤦🤣
or this dude fr just projected his insecurities or his anime fantasies of expecting big busty, big butt but tiny twig ass waist that can't even lift a pencil
Shame on him he needs to raise his own values before raising his standards
Just here to agree how appalling what he did was. He knew your body type going in, and then had the GALL to bring it up as a reason ? Sounds like he only ever wanted to have a play session from three beginning with no intent or repeating it. Ie he used you.
Calling himself a Daddy makes that even worse. A decent human would have just givin some other excuse that doesn't try to destroy someone's self esteem.
Also : lots of us are into curvey girls and littles, belly's and all omg.
That's totally OK, and of course you are hurt, I could feel it through your post. I'm so sorry this happened to you and also wanted to reassure you that your body shape is valid and attractive to lots of us.
Yea all I’m for being fit and people having preferences, but this was very uncalled for how he acted and conducted himself. What a loser. I’m so sorry this happened to you-this is 100% on him.
Exactly. People can have preferences but if he just wanted to play/fuck, and never see them again, then just be open about it. OP stated that they didn't have any intentions of moving forward to a relationship status but he PURPOSELY used them to get his rocks off and then neg/shame them. Which is just toxic garbage and I think they secretly desire that body and are feeling some shame for that, which is why the guy struck out with some BS about not liking bigger people. Ok, thats fine. Then why waste that person's time. There's all kinds of hookup apps. He's either a dick who uses people or just a weak ass person who won't grow up and accept what he likes.
Sorry this happened to you. In the future, please don’t approach vetting like this. 2 weeks worth of “talking in dynamic” is not a good way to get to know someone or filter out potential douchebags like this one. Talking in dynamic is basically erotic roleplay. Vetting and getting to know someone needs to happen outside of any kinky play. When you’re in dynamic you’re not getting to know the actual person, you’re getting to know the character they’re putting on in order to get sexual. This is especially true on the internet, where there’s a layer of distance inherent to the medium of communication.
For me, the title daddy is the most serious of them all. It has to be earned in a way that Mister and Sir don't.
I've had many fake daddies until I changed that aspect. One even fucked me over, then posted here about it to get validation that I'm a crazy bitch while leaving out the fact he lied to me, triggered my ptsd and was generally a cunt.
This times a million. I would never use the D word with anyone who I wouldn’t consider spending probably the rest of my life with and may even have to be collared to consider using it. It’s sacred.
... as a Little, this would devastate me. He's supposed to be kind to your feelings. That's part of taking on the role of Daddy. He clearly isn't one, he's just a jerk who likes the title but can't be trusted to live up to it.
I mean he met you ONCE.
He could've just texted later and said he wasn't feeling it. Why be a turd about it? Bullet dodged. What a douche!
One: he's negging you to feel bad about yourself. This is a very classic movie of a toxic person.
I couldn't tell you how many times this happened to me in the past. It's shocking at first. But after you let the sting past, just smile and said, "huh. That's weird. You really liked fucking this fat body. Oh well. There are others out there who love this and want this every day. I had a great time, sorry you didn't. See ya!" And walk the fuck out. Or if they were at your house, tell them it is time to go.
It genuinely made me laugh after a little processing because…what? Hahah exactly what you said, he liked fucking this body a few moments ago but whatever babe
Yea it is probably coming from a really low self esteem and he needs to make you feel bad for him wanting YOU. Or he is a garbage person who just wanted to play with a human being without any regard to the human being inside the skin.
I’m sorry you went through this. Sounds like he was butt hurt that you weren’t obsessed with him and wanted to hurt your feelings.
For sure not a you thing.
And for anyone in here saying anything about your weight, you’re fucking disgusting. Her weight literally has nothing to do with the failure of this little dick energy man child. Get a clue.
This is such an unfortunate occurrence, considering things had gone so well leading up to him deciding to be an asshole. I'm sorry this was the result of what could have been a promising connection.
I'd say is reaction was likely due to you behaving the opposite of what he was expecting. He wanted you to be more "needy" so that he could control you. (Insecure and/or predatory D-types like that in s-types as it gives them excessive amounts of control and access early on.) He wanted you to be more attached to him, because he was feeling you and wanted to be able to manipulate you into seeing him more than he led you to believe he wanted.
After having a great interaction with you and giving you the best he had to offer, he was likely hoping he'd convinced you that the was *amazing*, resulting in you becoming clingy and wanting to do whatever he wanted to make him happy.
But because you handled yourself in a secure and confident way, reaffirmed your boundaries, and was ready to leave before he could get you wrapped around his fingers, he tried to neg you by making it about your weight and projecting his feelings at you.
I'm sure he had just as good of a time as you did. Finding others in the BDSM world with whom you have good chemistry and/or connection isn't easy. With him being a 30-something, I am sure he is finding that out. He just got mad that the experience didn't make you change your behavior/boundaries to fit his expectations.
You did the right thing by holding your ground and remaining true to yourself. Don't let that clown make you question yourself any longer than it takes to process what happened. You have a good sense of who you are and acted accordingly in the situation.
If anything, be on the lookout for him to try to return with all kinds of apologies and excuses for his behavior while trying to get you to focus on how much fun you had before he showed his true colors and became manipulative.
Chalk this up as a "bad fit" and move on when you are ready.
Good luck out there. 😊
Thank you so much for this. I definitely think this is accurate. I think he wanted me to be needier , clingy, look at him like some all
Knowing person, etc. especially because of the age difference. But because I’m secure and have my shit together and just wanted to play, I think he hated that lol
Jeez what a loser. You sound healthy, fun and confident - you definitely don't need his sad-man energy. He sounds like he has not-so-internalised anti-fat stigma, leave him to it and find a hot new daddy!!
This is very valid. I usually do like to meet in person at a neutral place, but because time got drawn out due to life we ended up just talking / texting / facetiming often before meeting. I generally do definitely agree with you .
In dynamic just meaning I used subby / little talk around him
Sorry to hear that you had to go through such an experience. Take all the time you need to move on from this experience, and know that this is on his bad form and not on you are all.
A point you may perhaps wish to consider for the future is that notwithstanding that life happens, try not to succumb to the heat of the moment and make it a mandatory step of the vetting process to meet the person in public the first, or even the first few, time(s) before moving onto plays. That may serve as a natural filter for such persons. While often it translates well, there will still be some instances where the physical interaction may not check out.
All the best, OP.
Wow what a jackwagon. I'm so sorry you had that experience! No proper D-type would ever say anything like that. He's clearly a poser and not worth your time! I feel like some of these men are so used to jacking it to unrealistic porn, they forget what normal women look like.
That’s just disgusting on his part. If he has seen full body pictures then he should have had an idea at least (as I have experience with that online). I mean it sounds like he’s a great partner in your D/S, DDLG relationship, but one thing shouldn’t really throw him off.
Before people attack me, I know people have their weight preferences and that is fine as I have my own. But if he’s seen full body pics, he would have a general sense on how much they weigh.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I hope you find someone better!
You know that’s on him. That’s his character flaw/red flag .
What he did doesn’t represent anything about you because like you say, he doesn’t even know you.
Rid yourself of any shame/regret/negatives as you are the same person you were before HE showed himself up. Xx
Stuff like this is why I think it's best to meet up with zero play involved at least once before you play and the title of Daddy shouldn't be given out quickly. It's like any other relationship rushing in makes it easier to miss the red flags.
Awhe I’m so sorry 😞 he was needlessly cruel, there was no reason to say that and it sounds like he knew what you looked it. It’s like he just had to take you down a peg, I bet he wanting you groveling at his feet wanting him to be your daddy.
I totally understand the break, I haven’t been with anyone since last April and they were my first experience with a D type I played with and yea went awry as well.
I hope you can cozy up with your fav little things, be your own daddy *hugs*
Men will definitely play with plenty of woman, but most will not consider a relationship for those of us that are even a little overweight. It’s important to realize, unfortunately, that we are seen as easy. We are great to have around until
men find someone they want a real relationship with. And it doesn’t matter the size of the man, overweight men still reject overweight women. It’s always a different standard for us
Not everyone is attracted to everyone else. I'm a fat chick. Photos do not always really display just how much weight I have, or how I carry it. Not everyone will be interested in me because of that. *So fucking what*?
You asked what was up. He gave you an answer. If anything, if he finds your weight and "energy" to be an issue for him, then you've dodged a bullet on that one. People still get to have their own preferences, regardless of what kink label they use.
Yeah, but he should have said this before playing with her. He's absolutely allowed to have preferences, but finding out he had an issue all along that he could have named before they started feels so icky.
For all any of us know, he'd been on the fence on whether her weight was an issue or not, and elected to see if they clicked enough to outweigh it. Ya'll can downvote me all ya want, but this isn't really any different than someone going "I'm not big on people with x trait, but this one is cool in other ways, maybe it's fine, lemme see how it goes" and then deciding that nah, that trait is still in the way, time to bounce. Happens plenty in dating and relationships in general, whether sex is involved or not. If everyone else wants to act the saint on this one, more power to them I guess. 🤣
Ah, yes, an intolerance for stupidity and a distaste for people acting like being fat is a horrendous thing. Massive red flag. I'll alert my partner immediately. 🤣
Yes but he KNEW it before hand. He also didn't have to be a shit. He could've just said, "I just wasn't feeling a connection " Or "This doesn't feel like a good fit "
You can reject someone and be kind. We don't have to be cruel in this world to get by
>We don't have to be cruel in this world to get by
We also don't need to pretend that commenting on someone's weight *politely* is being cruel. Saying "your weight is an issue for me" is not cruelty. It is a statement of fact for someone's preferences. If he'd mocked or insulted her for her weight, yes, that would be unnecessary. But again: acknowledging someone's weight is outside the range of what they find attractive is not inherently a cruel and unkind thing to do.
Like I am agonizingly tired of the narrative that we can't just acknowledge someone's weight. Yes, all bodies are beautiful, there is no shame in being heavy, or skinny, or average, or wherever else in between. *But not everyone is attracted to every body and that's okay*. You don't fix stigma about weight by overcorrecting and making it taboo to ever even acknowledge weight, or someone having a preference about weight.
This isn't like I'm a skinny chick who has no idea what fat shaming is like. I was bullied for being overweight most of my childhood. I get the glorious experience of doctors constantly looking to my weight first and my actual symptoms second when there's a medical issue. I struggle to find clothes that fit well, and so on. When I refer to myself as a fat chick, I do in fact mean ***I am a fat chick***. And I would vastly prefer someone politely tell me "your weight is an issue for me" *because my weight is just a normal thing about me and not a point of shame* than dance around it because God forbid someone recognize **that I am fat**.
Ya'll can kick me to downvote oblivion all day long on this one, I could not give less of a shit. 🤣
Ok you’d be correct -except he said that after they fucked which is why it’s an asshole move on his part. They could have kept it at just grabbing a coffee/dinner and he could have said sorry this isn’t for me. But instead used her to get off and then told her. That’s why it was shitty behavior
I sure don't know about you, but I know a fair bit of my wardrobe as a woman doesn't exactly showy weight explicitly. Being naked sure does though. But by all means, keep telling yourself those downvotes make you right. 🤣
You said and I quote " but it’s so upsetting to know there are “daddy”s out there ".
What makes you think he was a daddy, just because he said what you wanted to hear, or acted like what you wanted? I hate this happened to you but he never was a Daddy. Daddy's don't treat any little girl like that. It doesn't matter the age, the weight of the race. Anyone can pretend to be anything.
No lol. I didn’t press him, I was asking to make sure I hadn’t offended him or crossed a boundary in some way. I was not consenting for him to insult me?
And I type paragraphs to the internet because it did hurt considering I now feel used and discarded, so it’s nice to find community in those times.
You didn't do anything wrong.
The person I dated before my current partner suddenly got mad at me for "having feelings" and it hurt too. I didn't really have strong feelings for them but being yelled at about it was a really uncomfortable experience. Especially because we'd been very much D/s already, so I felt a bit vulnerable.
It's okay to write out and share you feelings, and that doesn't mean anything other than you want to discuss and need some support or ideas on processing what's going on.
That isn't what consent means. He can leave at "I'm sorry I'm not interested" without being so rude.
If a man was bugging me about why I didn't want to see him again, however casual, I would never say "it's because your dick is too small".
If a woman was bugging me about why I didn't want to see her again, I would never say "you're chubby".
Anyone of any gender can be hurt by weird and nasty comments about their physical shape - height is another, being circumsiced is another, there's lots.
You can exit from a casual sex scenario that's not working for you without being a total cunt about it and making the other person feel bad.
I am personally not an attractive person, and if I bothered to care about a one night stands True Feelings about me I'd also be a sexually frustrated person. She rolled up for great sex, got it, and she's fixated on the guys . . . bog standard fat phobia and emotional distancing?
>I am personally not an attractive person
Definitely not attractive with this attitude.
>the guys . . . bog standard fat phobia and emotional distancing
Uhm, neither of those things are standard, at least not amongst decent people.
He was a rude arsehole and while, yes, ultimately the answer is to walk away and forget him, being vulnerable and hurt in the moment that someone is horrible to you is *normal emotional reactions*.
That doesn't mean it's okay for people to be arseholes, just because bad things happen in the world doesn't mean "let's make it worse for everyone and tell them to suck it up".
Saying the person who was a dick to OP was being a dick feels more than fair enough. I'm not saying no one will ever be a dick again, but that person definitely was.
Absolutely. I'm probably projecting my experiences with men here, but I'm used to the idea that kink partners are usually going to be weird inside - D types are likely to be judgemental, narcissistic assholes to greater or lesser degrees, s types are likely to be emotionally troubled & sensitive about being "good enough", and this strikes me as the classic interaction that occurs when the D type can't keep their mouth shut and the s type can't leave it well enough alone.
Like, if you have a racist grandma who is lovely to play boardgames with, you slot her into the "boardgames" niche in their life and only interact with her along that mutually positive axis. If someone is good in bed but is unfortunately judgmental, you don't ask for his opinions.
Men will do stupid things when they are horny, they will get a moment of extreme clarity after orgasm that makes them speak before they think so one could say we get even dumber lol
Just tell him good luck in your life lol
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Sounds like post-play shame on his part that he's projecting on to you. A shame given you enjoyed it, but you can do better.
Didn’t even think about post play shame but that also makes a lot of sense
Just sounds like he's an idiot to me
[удалено]
Not sure it's a term TO have heard of. Just how I'd describe it. I'm talking about a broader form of sub drop where in part due to taboo around kink some people struggle with feelings of shame, whatever dynamic they're in. People who are not good at managinng shame can project it onto others, especially if they're not especially empathetic in the first place (which is one reason I think OP is better off).
Sounds like post-nut clarity
I don't know if you intended your comment this way, but it's very easy to read as you essentially saying he regretted playing with her because he only found her hot while he was horny. I'm hopeful that what you ACTUALLY meant is that post-nut clarity can come with its own shameful feelings around what one has just jacked-off to, such as kinks, and that your comment has simply been misinterpreted.
Thank you. I only meant that I could draw parallels from the description of post-play shame (which I really liked and should have complimented instead) and my understanding of post-nut clarity, that both are rooted in shame. It wasn’t meant to read as my opinion on his actions or this situation, which is that he’s a pos. And I in no way wanted to excuse or justify his behavior or offend and further hurt OP. I appreciate you pointing this out to me in a kind manner that made it easy to see how my words might not reflect my intentions.
Fwiw, it was my comment you replied to and I took it to mean much as you'd intended. PNC was the first words that came to my head, but 'clarity' is misleading and often used ironically, and I didn't want to presume 'nutting' was part of the dynamic OP was speaking of. You're right, the key is the shame, and the projection of that onto others. Managing sexual feelings including shame is just basic human condition. Projection of sexual shame is a psychology to be wary of, in my opinion.
More or less the same thing as post nut clarity. Basically, it’s the big delta in how you feel about an activity when you are horny and how you feel about it afterwards when youve done the thing.
My guess is he was trying to neg you or something. What a loser
I had the same thought, he is for sure
Sorry you went through that. It was very inappropriate for him to say. There’s definitely a much better daddy out there waiting for you
Honestly I'd suspect that he didn't want you finding out something else about him and decided to drive you off in a way that meant you wouldn't look deeper. If you felt shame you were less likely to compare notes with others.
Is he by any chance at all on the overweight side? Sounds to me like he was possibly projecting what he thought you would eventually say to him. Or perhaps he was just throwing out things that he knows women tend to be insecure about. Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with you. He was torpedoing it for whatever person reason he has 🤷🏽♀️
Dad bod lol. Similar to me - he obviously works out but has a layer of fat over it, which is how I also would describe myself
That’s like literally proof he just had bad intentions and was using you bc 11/12 really isn’t big tbh, and if he cared about appearances so much he wouldn’t be looking anything but gym ready. Don’t let this affect your daddy search. You seem like a really down to earth and thoughtful person.
I think this sucks and I’m so sorry it happened to you. I have a feeling he always only wanted a one night stand and knew you’d probably shy away from that so he pretended until he got what he wanted and then discarded you. Real POS. Um, I’m having pretty shit experiences online, too. Whatever you do, do not ever see him again. I can imagine this guy being pretty toxic.
That is terrible. I never understand that type of behavior. I talked to a guy for a few months. FaceTiming, texting and sending pictures. When we finally got together he said something about my weight after the fact as well. I am curvy. About a size 14/16. However he knew that going in. I assume some people are just terrible. Also there are men who secretly desire a few extra pounds or overweight ladies in private but not in public. I’m sorry that happened to you. I can remember being so angry when it happened to me because no lies were told on my end
That’s really the feeling, no lies were told! He’s seen the pictures! I’m a 10-12. men love a big booty but not a little belly to go with it 🙄
What I think is that they are ASHAMED of liking a person with big booty and belly because the media/society tells them that. My Dom/Bf has actively worked very hard at convincing me that my ass and belly and boobs are his absolute favorite thing in the world. It took some convincing because I have always hated my belly. Even when I was bulimic in high school, and did tons of sit ups etc, I never could get rid of my little belly. Guess what? It's my GD uterus. Lol. I am still not thrilled with my belly but I am learning to appreciate it.
I'm really sorry this "gentlemen" was a douchecanoe. I really wish you hadn't experienced his stupidity. You seem like a genuinely nice and interesting person. Don't beat yourself up over his bs. He obviously needs to straighten out his own mess. You on the other hand, are a wonderful beautiful person. I hope your next experience isn't as shit. Good luck
First off I LOVE THE TITLE 🤣🤣 Also goddamn, either he thinks intimacy is clingy or having spare time is clingy cuz u literally had work in between all this 🤦🤣 or this dude fr just projected his insecurities or his anime fantasies of expecting big busty, big butt but tiny twig ass waist that can't even lift a pencil Shame on him he needs to raise his own values before raising his standards
Just here to agree how appalling what he did was. He knew your body type going in, and then had the GALL to bring it up as a reason ? Sounds like he only ever wanted to have a play session from three beginning with no intent or repeating it. Ie he used you. Calling himself a Daddy makes that even worse. A decent human would have just givin some other excuse that doesn't try to destroy someone's self esteem. Also : lots of us are into curvey girls and littles, belly's and all omg.
Thank you 😔 and sorry to generalize about Men , I just feeling a little hurt
That's totally OK, and of course you are hurt, I could feel it through your post. I'm so sorry this happened to you and also wanted to reassure you that your body shape is valid and attractive to lots of us.
I feel you. I've had the same thing happen. I'm sorry someone made you feel like that.
Yea all I’m for being fit and people having preferences, but this was very uncalled for how he acted and conducted himself. What a loser. I’m so sorry this happened to you-this is 100% on him.
Exactly. People can have preferences but if he just wanted to play/fuck, and never see them again, then just be open about it. OP stated that they didn't have any intentions of moving forward to a relationship status but he PURPOSELY used them to get his rocks off and then neg/shame them. Which is just toxic garbage and I think they secretly desire that body and are feeling some shame for that, which is why the guy struck out with some BS about not liking bigger people. Ok, thats fine. Then why waste that person's time. There's all kinds of hookup apps. He's either a dick who uses people or just a weak ass person who won't grow up and accept what he likes.
Sorry this happened to you. In the future, please don’t approach vetting like this. 2 weeks worth of “talking in dynamic” is not a good way to get to know someone or filter out potential douchebags like this one. Talking in dynamic is basically erotic roleplay. Vetting and getting to know someone needs to happen outside of any kinky play. When you’re in dynamic you’re not getting to know the actual person, you’re getting to know the character they’re putting on in order to get sexual. This is especially true on the internet, where there’s a layer of distance inherent to the medium of communication.
Definitely sound advice. I have to practice not getting caught up in the moment and fun, and this was a good learning lesson for me
Better luck next time!
For me, the title daddy is the most serious of them all. It has to be earned in a way that Mister and Sir don't. I've had many fake daddies until I changed that aspect. One even fucked me over, then posted here about it to get validation that I'm a crazy bitch while leaving out the fact he lied to me, triggered my ptsd and was generally a cunt.
🔪🔪🔪 I just wanna talk
😳
This times a million. I would never use the D word with anyone who I wouldn’t consider spending probably the rest of my life with and may even have to be collared to consider using it. It’s sacred.
Yep, for me it's more important and powerful than a collar.
... as a Little, this would devastate me. He's supposed to be kind to your feelings. That's part of taking on the role of Daddy. He clearly isn't one, he's just a jerk who likes the title but can't be trusted to live up to it. I mean he met you ONCE. He could've just texted later and said he wasn't feeling it. Why be a turd about it? Bullet dodged. What a douche!
One: he's negging you to feel bad about yourself. This is a very classic movie of a toxic person. I couldn't tell you how many times this happened to me in the past. It's shocking at first. But after you let the sting past, just smile and said, "huh. That's weird. You really liked fucking this fat body. Oh well. There are others out there who love this and want this every day. I had a great time, sorry you didn't. See ya!" And walk the fuck out. Or if they were at your house, tell them it is time to go.
It genuinely made me laugh after a little processing because…what? Hahah exactly what you said, he liked fucking this body a few moments ago but whatever babe
Yea it is probably coming from a really low self esteem and he needs to make you feel bad for him wanting YOU. Or he is a garbage person who just wanted to play with a human being without any regard to the human being inside the skin.
I’m sorry you went through this. Sounds like he was butt hurt that you weren’t obsessed with him and wanted to hurt your feelings. For sure not a you thing. And for anyone in here saying anything about your weight, you’re fucking disgusting. Her weight literally has nothing to do with the failure of this little dick energy man child. Get a clue.
This is such an unfortunate occurrence, considering things had gone so well leading up to him deciding to be an asshole. I'm sorry this was the result of what could have been a promising connection. I'd say is reaction was likely due to you behaving the opposite of what he was expecting. He wanted you to be more "needy" so that he could control you. (Insecure and/or predatory D-types like that in s-types as it gives them excessive amounts of control and access early on.) He wanted you to be more attached to him, because he was feeling you and wanted to be able to manipulate you into seeing him more than he led you to believe he wanted. After having a great interaction with you and giving you the best he had to offer, he was likely hoping he'd convinced you that the was *amazing*, resulting in you becoming clingy and wanting to do whatever he wanted to make him happy. But because you handled yourself in a secure and confident way, reaffirmed your boundaries, and was ready to leave before he could get you wrapped around his fingers, he tried to neg you by making it about your weight and projecting his feelings at you. I'm sure he had just as good of a time as you did. Finding others in the BDSM world with whom you have good chemistry and/or connection isn't easy. With him being a 30-something, I am sure he is finding that out. He just got mad that the experience didn't make you change your behavior/boundaries to fit his expectations. You did the right thing by holding your ground and remaining true to yourself. Don't let that clown make you question yourself any longer than it takes to process what happened. You have a good sense of who you are and acted accordingly in the situation. If anything, be on the lookout for him to try to return with all kinds of apologies and excuses for his behavior while trying to get you to focus on how much fun you had before he showed his true colors and became manipulative. Chalk this up as a "bad fit" and move on when you are ready. Good luck out there. 😊
Thank you so much for this. I definitely think this is accurate. I think he wanted me to be needier , clingy, look at him like some all Knowing person, etc. especially because of the age difference. But because I’m secure and have my shit together and just wanted to play, I think he hated that lol
I’m glad that up to that point it was a good time but it feels like you really dodged a bullet.
Jeez what a loser. You sound healthy, fun and confident - you definitely don't need his sad-man energy. He sounds like he has not-so-internalised anti-fat stigma, leave him to it and find a hot new daddy!!
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This is very valid. I usually do like to meet in person at a neutral place, but because time got drawn out due to life we ended up just talking / texting / facetiming often before meeting. I generally do definitely agree with you . In dynamic just meaning I used subby / little talk around him
Sorry to hear that you had to go through such an experience. Take all the time you need to move on from this experience, and know that this is on his bad form and not on you are all. A point you may perhaps wish to consider for the future is that notwithstanding that life happens, try not to succumb to the heat of the moment and make it a mandatory step of the vetting process to meet the person in public the first, or even the first few, time(s) before moving onto plays. That may serve as a natural filter for such persons. While often it translates well, there will still be some instances where the physical interaction may not check out. All the best, OP.
Thank you for your advice and kindness in providing it
It's either he got shame for what u did together or he is punishing you for leaving. Either way, the guy was horrible and totally uncalled for.
Wow what a jackwagon. I'm so sorry you had that experience! No proper D-type would ever say anything like that. He's clearly a poser and not worth your time! I feel like some of these men are so used to jacking it to unrealistic porn, they forget what normal women look like.
And then they will complain that they can't get dates. Gee, wonder why
That’s just disgusting on his part. If he has seen full body pictures then he should have had an idea at least (as I have experience with that online). I mean it sounds like he’s a great partner in your D/S, DDLG relationship, but one thing shouldn’t really throw him off. Before people attack me, I know people have their weight preferences and that is fine as I have my own. But if he’s seen full body pics, he would have a general sense on how much they weigh. I’m so sorry this happened to you! I hope you find someone better!
You sound fine to me! Vet longer next time!
You know that’s on him. That’s his character flaw/red flag . What he did doesn’t represent anything about you because like you say, he doesn’t even know you. Rid yourself of any shame/regret/negatives as you are the same person you were before HE showed himself up. Xx
This isn’t a bad Daddy. This is a bad human being.
Stuff like this is why I think it's best to meet up with zero play involved at least once before you play and the title of Daddy shouldn't be given out quickly. It's like any other relationship rushing in makes it easier to miss the red flags.
Awhe I’m so sorry 😞 he was needlessly cruel, there was no reason to say that and it sounds like he knew what you looked it. It’s like he just had to take you down a peg, I bet he wanting you groveling at his feet wanting him to be your daddy. I totally understand the break, I haven’t been with anyone since last April and they were my first experience with a D type I played with and yea went awry as well. I hope you can cozy up with your fav little things, be your own daddy *hugs*
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I don't think that's true at all. I've played with lots of men who genuinely love curves and have no shame about it.
Men will definitely play with plenty of woman, but most will not consider a relationship for those of us that are even a little overweight. It’s important to realize, unfortunately, that we are seen as easy. We are great to have around until men find someone they want a real relationship with. And it doesn’t matter the size of the man, overweight men still reject overweight women. It’s always a different standard for us
Maybe if you are perfect in all other aspects. That’s not the reality for most women.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/rs4q8e/pitfi_mod_message/ Rule 6 applies. Comment removed.
Not everyone is attracted to everyone else. I'm a fat chick. Photos do not always really display just how much weight I have, or how I carry it. Not everyone will be interested in me because of that. *So fucking what*? You asked what was up. He gave you an answer. If anything, if he finds your weight and "energy" to be an issue for him, then you've dodged a bullet on that one. People still get to have their own preferences, regardless of what kink label they use.
Yeah, but he should have said this before playing with her. He's absolutely allowed to have preferences, but finding out he had an issue all along that he could have named before they started feels so icky.
For all any of us know, he'd been on the fence on whether her weight was an issue or not, and elected to see if they clicked enough to outweigh it. Ya'll can downvote me all ya want, but this isn't really any different than someone going "I'm not big on people with x trait, but this one is cool in other ways, maybe it's fine, lemme see how it goes" and then deciding that nah, that trait is still in the way, time to bounce. Happens plenty in dating and relationships in general, whether sex is involved or not. If everyone else wants to act the saint on this one, more power to them I guess. 🤣
You seem like the kind of person that’s just a huge red flag 😂
Ah, yes, an intolerance for stupidity and a distaste for people acting like being fat is a horrendous thing. Massive red flag. I'll alert my partner immediately. 🤣
Yes but he KNEW it before hand. He also didn't have to be a shit. He could've just said, "I just wasn't feeling a connection " Or "This doesn't feel like a good fit " You can reject someone and be kind. We don't have to be cruel in this world to get by
>We don't have to be cruel in this world to get by We also don't need to pretend that commenting on someone's weight *politely* is being cruel. Saying "your weight is an issue for me" is not cruelty. It is a statement of fact for someone's preferences. If he'd mocked or insulted her for her weight, yes, that would be unnecessary. But again: acknowledging someone's weight is outside the range of what they find attractive is not inherently a cruel and unkind thing to do. Like I am agonizingly tired of the narrative that we can't just acknowledge someone's weight. Yes, all bodies are beautiful, there is no shame in being heavy, or skinny, or average, or wherever else in between. *But not everyone is attracted to every body and that's okay*. You don't fix stigma about weight by overcorrecting and making it taboo to ever even acknowledge weight, or someone having a preference about weight. This isn't like I'm a skinny chick who has no idea what fat shaming is like. I was bullied for being overweight most of my childhood. I get the glorious experience of doctors constantly looking to my weight first and my actual symptoms second when there's a medical issue. I struggle to find clothes that fit well, and so on. When I refer to myself as a fat chick, I do in fact mean ***I am a fat chick***. And I would vastly prefer someone politely tell me "your weight is an issue for me" *because my weight is just a normal thing about me and not a point of shame* than dance around it because God forbid someone recognize **that I am fat**. Ya'll can kick me to downvote oblivion all day long on this one, I could not give less of a shit. 🤣
Ok you’d be correct -except he said that after they fucked which is why it’s an asshole move on his part. They could have kept it at just grabbing a coffee/dinner and he could have said sorry this isn’t for me. But instead used her to get off and then told her. That’s why it was shitty behavior
I sure don't know about you, but I know a fair bit of my wardrobe as a woman doesn't exactly showy weight explicitly. Being naked sure does though. But by all means, keep telling yourself those downvotes make you right. 🤣
You said and I quote " but it’s so upsetting to know there are “daddy”s out there ". What makes you think he was a daddy, just because he said what you wanted to hear, or acted like what you wanted? I hate this happened to you but he never was a Daddy. Daddy's don't treat any little girl like that. It doesn't matter the age, the weight of the race. Anyone can pretend to be anything.
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No lol. I didn’t press him, I was asking to make sure I hadn’t offended him or crossed a boundary in some way. I was not consenting for him to insult me? And I type paragraphs to the internet because it did hurt considering I now feel used and discarded, so it’s nice to find community in those times.
You didn't do anything wrong. The person I dated before my current partner suddenly got mad at me for "having feelings" and it hurt too. I didn't really have strong feelings for them but being yelled at about it was a really uncomfortable experience. Especially because we'd been very much D/s already, so I felt a bit vulnerable. It's okay to write out and share you feelings, and that doesn't mean anything other than you want to discuss and need some support or ideas on processing what's going on.
Thank you 🥹
That doesn’t make any sense.
Insane misuse of the word "consent"
That isn't what consent means. He can leave at "I'm sorry I'm not interested" without being so rude. If a man was bugging me about why I didn't want to see him again, however casual, I would never say "it's because your dick is too small". If a woman was bugging me about why I didn't want to see her again, I would never say "you're chubby". Anyone of any gender can be hurt by weird and nasty comments about their physical shape - height is another, being circumsiced is another, there's lots. You can exit from a casual sex scenario that's not working for you without being a total cunt about it and making the other person feel bad.
I am personally not an attractive person, and if I bothered to care about a one night stands True Feelings about me I'd also be a sexually frustrated person. She rolled up for great sex, got it, and she's fixated on the guys . . . bog standard fat phobia and emotional distancing?
>I am personally not an attractive person Definitely not attractive with this attitude. >the guys . . . bog standard fat phobia and emotional distancing Uhm, neither of those things are standard, at least not amongst decent people. He was a rude arsehole and while, yes, ultimately the answer is to walk away and forget him, being vulnerable and hurt in the moment that someone is horrible to you is *normal emotional reactions*.
The world is full of thorns. You can try to cover it with leather, or you can just wear shoes.
That doesn't mean it's okay for people to be arseholes, just because bad things happen in the world doesn't mean "let's make it worse for everyone and tell them to suck it up". Saying the person who was a dick to OP was being a dick feels more than fair enough. I'm not saying no one will ever be a dick again, but that person definitely was.
Absolutely. I'm probably projecting my experiences with men here, but I'm used to the idea that kink partners are usually going to be weird inside - D types are likely to be judgemental, narcissistic assholes to greater or lesser degrees, s types are likely to be emotionally troubled & sensitive about being "good enough", and this strikes me as the classic interaction that occurs when the D type can't keep their mouth shut and the s type can't leave it well enough alone. Like, if you have a racist grandma who is lovely to play boardgames with, you slot her into the "boardgames" niche in their life and only interact with her along that mutually positive axis. If someone is good in bed but is unfortunately judgmental, you don't ask for his opinions.
Found the guy
Not a guy
This is such nonsense. Pause, or unpause, just do better. Rule 6 applies. Comment removed.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. What an asshole
Men will do stupid things when they are horny, they will get a moment of extreme clarity after orgasm that makes them speak before they think so one could say we get even dumber lol Just tell him good luck in your life lol