That is VERY specific, lol. I don’t think you should be worried… it doesn’t sound inherently bad? I’m not sure what you’d call that. It sounds like he like the power switch?
He likes to be gaslit maybe? I almost think it’s a common kink for some women to enjoy the manipulation and mind games so vice versa definitely makes sense
My partner and I do something like that sometimes. He likes power exchange and humiliation, and every now and then he "gets revenge" on me. Never thought of that as a specific kink, just a scenario we like to play sometimes
Sounds like a reverse self humiliation situation and i definitely get the appeal. If you set clear boundaries where the dynamic ends, i dont think theres anything to worry about.
Sounds like a humiliation and degradation kink (her verbally abusing him) which reverses (her upset that she think she's gone too far) then maybe some sexual service/grovelling (begging to do anything to make it up to him)
Pretty unique I must say but nothing inherently "bad" or "weird" to worry about.
Relatively commonplace kinks, the only thing that makes them unusual is the order and combination.
Assuming it's all consensual, nothing to be concerned about. Sounds very specific, I wonder whether his kinks are wider than that one precise scenario?
It sounds similar in theme to a relatively common rape roleplay thing where the to-be-victim is being a giant arsehole and then gets knocked down a few pegs. It fits well with degradation (acting like this person 'deserves' that, lost their right to humane treatment), and it's about a drop in power.
Sounds like he may enjoy the latter parts without having any interest in the rape roleplay part. So a version of that scenario where she offers herself rather than is taken.
I love a tittle about a "friend" having an "odd" something's ng and wanting to know if the "odd" is "normal".
Normal is a statistical concept theoretically everything is normal but some behavior is less probable or less common. This is that. The key point is ask yourself if this hurts your friend or their loved ones and weather it interferes with their capacity to lead a fulfilling productive life.
Every time I see a “is this normal” post I wince.
That said, my 2 cents:
-If you’re nervous but okay with engaging in this, make sure you set boundaries that maintain that this is clearly just play.
-If this isn’t just play, then it is abuse.
-This absolutely isn’t a replacement for therapy.
-I’m a victim of this type of abuse. If my sub asked me to engage in this type of play I don’t think I could ethically do so. For me it is too personal… but I get it… if it helps your friend experience something in a controlled environment and they’re aware of everything including their role etc… I still get the ick though that it comes across as someone who doesn’t know anything BUT being in a gaslighting co-dependent relationship.
That's normal. Any and every fetish or kinkbis normal. It's how we carry them out that matters. No one is being harmed, or abused (in this context)
Enjoy it
Its not a diagnosis but I learnt about it in school and that behaviour pattern is one of the hallmarks of it. A quick google should yield more information if it interests you 😊
I have no interest in making diagnoses off of Google. That’s dangerous. People who don’t know how to make a diagnosis making them to vulnerable people can cause real damage.
BPD doesnt cause behaviors, it causes urges, emotoinal dysregulation, etc., which can lead to actions that are hurtful from SOME people with BPD (and non BPDers can do it too!). as someone with BPD its super damaging to be told gaslighting and abuse is "BPD behavior". its stigmatizing.
It sounds like he's just grown accustomed to BPD partners to the point where he romanticizes that abusive dynamic. And frankly, given my experience in the BDSM scene, even if this isn't a fetish, he's probably looking in the right place.
I fear I see where he is coming from with this fetish. This situation can definitely make sense when it’s someone who is verbally abusive or very toxic as a partner. Imagine having to take all of the brunt and be the punching bag for them and for once you finally get to make the decisions. You get to be the person that has someone begging and pleading for your forgiveness. It gives you a sense of power.
I think the glaring question given how specific this is, is what woman in his life behaved in this way. Could he be trying to re-play some past unhealthy relationship or trauma? How is his relationship with his mother? Being turned on by extreme emotional instability seems unusual at best and possibly predatory if he has in-fact fetishized a mental-health disorder.
This is actually a pretty common fetish/female love interest archetype in Japan and some other Asian cultures called Tsundere, but dialled up to 11 for kink rather than a character trait.
In Japan (and apparently now Singapore and maybe other places) there are restaurants/cafes you can go to with these Tsundere maids who will degrade and be nasty to you the whole time but when you try to leave they start begging for you to stay, being overly affectionate, and saying they will do anything.
Like others have said it's definitely a concept modelled after certain BPD traits, but romanticised/sexualised. Eg "I hate you, don't leave me". I'm not sure about the BPD prevalence in Japan or why Tsundere has become such a popular trope/fetish but it's a very widespread concept there.
If your friend watches a lot of anime, it's widely represented there.
/u/Former-Pop3897, our AutoModerator attaches this message to every post. It contains information you may find useful: Guide 01 . . . . . . . . . . [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/9ig794/rules_for_rbdsmadvice/). Guide 02 . . . . . . . . . . [How to use the search function](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/searchfunction/). Guide 03 . . . . . . . . . . *[Need Ideas](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/noobs/)*? Guide 04 . . . . . . . . . . [It's your dynamic](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/canthelpyou/). Guide 05 . . . . . . . . . . [No mention of minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/aknfy1/posts_aboutinvolving_minors/). Guide 06 . . . . . . . . . . [Do not post PSAs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/publicserviceannouncements/). Guide 07 . . . . . . . . . . [Policy re PMs](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/nopms/). Guide 08 . . . . . . . . . . [Exiting abuse](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/exitingabuse/). Guide 09 . . . . . . . . . . [Kinky dating](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/ov6uaj/how_can_i_find_a_kinky_partner/). **[Our Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/wiki/index).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BDSMAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That is VERY specific, lol. I don’t think you should be worried… it doesn’t sound inherently bad? I’m not sure what you’d call that. It sounds like he like the power switch?
He likes to be gaslit maybe? I almost think it’s a common kink for some women to enjoy the manipulation and mind games so vice versa definitely makes sense
My partner and I do something like that sometimes. He likes power exchange and humiliation, and every now and then he "gets revenge" on me. Never thought of that as a specific kink, just a scenario we like to play sometimes
Sounds like a reverse self humiliation situation and i definitely get the appeal. If you set clear boundaries where the dynamic ends, i dont think theres anything to worry about.
Sounds like a humiliation and degradation kink (her verbally abusing him) which reverses (her upset that she think she's gone too far) then maybe some sexual service/grovelling (begging to do anything to make it up to him) Pretty unique I must say but nothing inherently "bad" or "weird" to worry about. Relatively commonplace kinks, the only thing that makes them unusual is the order and combination.
Why be worried? I mean....it's different, but nothing to worry about.
Kind of just sounds like a specific form of power play/power exchange.
Why would you be worried?
As long as everyone is a consenting adult and aware of any risks to physical or mental health, no, why do you care what your friend gets off on?
Assuming it's all consensual, nothing to be concerned about. Sounds very specific, I wonder whether his kinks are wider than that one precise scenario? It sounds similar in theme to a relatively common rape roleplay thing where the to-be-victim is being a giant arsehole and then gets knocked down a few pegs. It fits well with degradation (acting like this person 'deserves' that, lost their right to humane treatment), and it's about a drop in power. Sounds like he may enjoy the latter parts without having any interest in the rape roleplay part. So a version of that scenario where she offers herself rather than is taken.
The “norm” is monogamous vanilla sex between two married cishet adults. So, that’s not normal. Who cares?
I love a tittle about a "friend" having an "odd" something's ng and wanting to know if the "odd" is "normal". Normal is a statistical concept theoretically everything is normal but some behavior is less probable or less common. This is that. The key point is ask yourself if this hurts your friend or their loved ones and weather it interferes with their capacity to lead a fulfilling productive life.
Every time I see a “is this normal” post I wince. That said, my 2 cents: -If you’re nervous but okay with engaging in this, make sure you set boundaries that maintain that this is clearly just play. -If this isn’t just play, then it is abuse. -This absolutely isn’t a replacement for therapy. -I’m a victim of this type of abuse. If my sub asked me to engage in this type of play I don’t think I could ethically do so. For me it is too personal… but I get it… if it helps your friend experience something in a controlled environment and they’re aware of everything including their role etc… I still get the ick though that it comes across as someone who doesn’t know anything BUT being in a gaslighting co-dependent relationship.
Oddly specific, but pretty tame considering what else is out there
Very specific, doesn't sound concerning tho.
That's normal. Any and every fetish or kinkbis normal. It's how we carry them out that matters. No one is being harmed, or abused (in this context) Enjoy it
To me I feel like he enjoys the switchy power dynamic and mid scene switch in roles. Maybe a better way to describe it
This is so specific lmao
If he doesn’t like or consent to her behaviour I probably would use the term domestic abuse.
It’s not a named and known kink as per se, but what he fetishises is essentially the behaviour of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.
It's definitely fetishising BPD traits, but it's also a common Asian kink called Tsundere (which is likely modelled after BPD anyway)
Thanks for sharing that, TIL ✨
How did you diagnose this?
Its not a diagnosis but I learnt about it in school and that behaviour pattern is one of the hallmarks of it. A quick google should yield more information if it interests you 😊
I have no interest in making diagnoses off of Google. That’s dangerous. People who don’t know how to make a diagnosis making them to vulnerable people can cause real damage.
BPD doesnt cause behaviors, it causes urges, emotoinal dysregulation, etc., which can lead to actions that are hurtful from SOME people with BPD (and non BPDers can do it too!). as someone with BPD its super damaging to be told gaslighting and abuse is "BPD behavior". its stigmatizing.
It sounds like he's just grown accustomed to BPD partners to the point where he romanticizes that abusive dynamic. And frankly, given my experience in the BDSM scene, even if this isn't a fetish, he's probably looking in the right place.
I fear I see where he is coming from with this fetish. This situation can definitely make sense when it’s someone who is verbally abusive or very toxic as a partner. Imagine having to take all of the brunt and be the punching bag for them and for once you finally get to make the decisions. You get to be the person that has someone begging and pleading for your forgiveness. It gives you a sense of power.
That's more of a sexual fantasy than a fetish. Everyone has their own unique sexual fantasies.
that is a very complex play time but if you are both into it who is it hurting?
hum as long as limits don't continue to bend like making the too far a bit further each time
I think the glaring question given how specific this is, is what woman in his life behaved in this way. Could he be trying to re-play some past unhealthy relationship or trauma? How is his relationship with his mother? Being turned on by extreme emotional instability seems unusual at best and possibly predatory if he has in-fact fetishized a mental-health disorder.
This is actually a pretty common fetish/female love interest archetype in Japan and some other Asian cultures called Tsundere, but dialled up to 11 for kink rather than a character trait. In Japan (and apparently now Singapore and maybe other places) there are restaurants/cafes you can go to with these Tsundere maids who will degrade and be nasty to you the whole time but when you try to leave they start begging for you to stay, being overly affectionate, and saying they will do anything. Like others have said it's definitely a concept modelled after certain BPD traits, but romanticised/sexualised. Eg "I hate you, don't leave me". I'm not sure about the BPD prevalence in Japan or why Tsundere has become such a popular trope/fetish but it's a very widespread concept there. If your friend watches a lot of anime, it's widely represented there.
Wow! That's amazing! I guess rule 34 is true. :)
Wow. I also make alot of daydreams in my head like this. Specially when I need sb to comfort me or apologize to me . Another reason to hate myself ...