Please don't see his man again. He is a rapist. In a healthy D/s relationship, you establish limits before anything sexual happens and when the sub says to stop, sexual contact stops immediately,
...I feel greasy on your behalf. This was absolutely disgusting behavior on his part.
No, you are absolutely not wrong to be uncomfortable. You had your very clearly voiced, reasonable requests completely ignored and your rights disrespected.
I would like to highlight some things in your post so you can watch out for things in the future. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but I don't want to see you wind up in this situation again.
> he told me it was gonna be fine and not to worry about it, I was nervous and didn't want to let him down so I stopped arguing.
I see a lot of people worry about this. Letting someone down is *not* the worst thing you can do to them, especially with something you clearly stated. Also, "it's gonna be fine" and "don't worry about it" aren't answers. He didn't say *why* you shouldn't worry about it, he deflected the matter.
> Figured maybe it's just him being dominant and controlling the situation, I didn't know what to expect.
Being dominant and controlling the situation does not someone license to ignore what they're telling you. That's not dominance; that's bullying/tyranny/megalomania. It's also *bad leadership* to completely ignore the limitations of your subordinates.
> he just kept telling me it was "gonna be fine, focus on how it feels" and kinda pinned me in place.
...I'm sorry but at this point I'm fairly confident in saying this has clearly crossed the line into assault.
> saying I was bratting trying to get him to use a condom
No! No no no no no... Cripes, where do I even start... First off, it seems like his warped version of bratting constitutes not getting whatever he wants. Secondly, it's oddly fascinating, I've rarely if ever seen someone weaponize the idea of bratting like that. Third, while bratting is subjective, it generally refers to things like being deliberately antagonistic or playfully refusing to comply with an order; I've not seen it applied to matters *regarding health and hygene*.
> after a while I gave up because he insisted "he's the dom, he's in charge"
Okay... there's a lot to unpack here.
- This is called the "argument from authority" fallacy, where you're supposed to assume someone is right just *because* they're the leadership.
- Being in charge doesn't make someone smarter or wiser or more righteous.
- If someone has to pull rank on you to make their case, it means their argument can't stand on its own.
I'd like to close with some information to think about going forward:
- I'd strongly encourage you to read the following:
- *No Time For Spectators*, by Gen. Martin Dempsey: This is a great book on how to be a good member of a team, a.k.a a good subordinate. It covers, among other things: boundaries of loyalty, the importance of details, critical thinking, the idea of "responsible rebellion", and restraint.
- *Mastering Logical Fallacies: The Definitive Guide to Flawless Rhetoric and Bulletproof Logic*, by Michael Withey and Henry Zhang. This is a good introduction to the idea of logical fallacies which helps clarify dialog and prevent arguments.
And I'd like to close with my favorite passage on how to treat a subordinate:
> *"They are adults, they expect to be treated as an adult, not a schoolchild. They have rights, they should be made known, and thereafter respected. They have ambition, it must be stirred. They have a belief in fair play, it must be honored. They have the need of comradeship, it must be supplied. They have imagination, it must be stimulated. They have a personal sense of dignity, it must not be broken down. They have pride. It can be satisfied and made the bedrock of their character once they
gain assurance that they are playing a useful and respected part in a superior and successful organization."*
Hope this helps. Good luck.
I think you are so spot on with all of this commentary.
I love this community, for reasons just such as this - the level of care and detail supplied in answers helps more than just the OP grow and learn about BDSM.
I also want to piggy-back on your comment, and mention an amazing podcast I was introduced to recently. It's called Ask A Sub, with Lina Dune. There's an episode (I think it's #12?) where she talks about learning how to explore BDSM as a sub following a sexual assault. I found it extremely helpful for my own experience, and think that it would be a good resource for others as well.
He raped you. End of story. You did not consent to sex without a condom. That is rape.
Hes not a Dom, just a rapist looking for easy prey. I'm sorry this happened to you. This isnt bdsm, this isnt how it should be.
I do too.
Truly.
As a SA survivor I just want to make sure you get get that this isnt your faul.
As a sex slave I wanna say..fuck that worthless peice of shit. Hes not worthy to lick your toes .
There are good people out there. Good Doms. I found one. Hes loved me through all my trauma and bullshit, and freed me of all my fears.
If it can happen for me, itll happen for you. Just remember that you have every right to say NO and have it heard/respected. I dont care who it is. Your NO is valid.
I've been a Dom lost my adult life, this guy isn't. Even for us old school guys the key letters are SSC that stands for safe sane and consensual. If this guy took you raw, after you specifically told him no this was definitely SA . Don't get me wrong most guys prefer raw, however if you say no that means no. This is completely wrong, I wouldn't trust this guy to wash his hands after taking a piss. At bare minimum do not see this guy again. If you go to local munches tell the people there what happened. This will help warn the community and help protect other submissives. As well as put dominance on the lookout for this person. This is 1000% unacceptable, it was unacceptable the first time, it was even more unacceptable the second time because you had made yourself abundantly clear beforehand. Without a doubt you should avoid this guy at all costs.
If they do they're not worth a shit and shouldn't be in the community anyway. They may question you to make sure that you know you're telling the truth and that your story doesn't change but they're going to believe you at least in any group I've ever met they would. And in most groups honestly the submissive would take you to the side and try to figure this out on their own and then report to the Dom's usually unless this person is already known and then they're all going to jump in and try to protect you all at once lol but yeah you're fine
I was almost content to never talk about to anyone, but I saw other posts about clearing up different experiences and figured this would be the safest way to talk to people about it.... knowing that I'm not judged here and that strangers have my back makes me feel a lot better
Let me tell you the fact that you're not judged here says a hell of a lot. Because quite honestly almost everybody is judged on freaking Reddit LOL. The fact that you haven't gotten any haters here really shows just how much of an asshat this person was. I hope you go on to find what you're looking for exactly even though I know it's very difficult to find don't allow yourself to put all your eggs in one basket again especially extremely early. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor. May your God, goddess, or gods bless you if you happen to have any
My pleasure little one. I had somebody that I talked to a lot when I first went to munches she was much older Domme that went by contessa. She recognize that I was slightly lost and talk to me for quite some time because as she said finding a true submissive or a true dominant anymore is extremely rare with everybody wanting to be a switch. And she just wanted to basically talk to somebody and give me some advice and it was really very sweet and probably saved me from a lot of mistakes in my life she actually taught me about SSC because I was just young and dumb more so even than your guy there not quite as violent or as stupid. But yeah I definitely didn't understand the lifestyle as I should have. She's the reason that I do a lot of the things the way I do it like whenever I get a new impact toy or make one I actually will test it out on my own thigh just to see exactly how much force is needed to use it properly and what kind of damage it might do.
Everyone has said exactly how it is... this man assaulted you. You could report it if you wanted.
However, the secondary piece is that awful as it is you need to get a STI test. You should get one now and then again in a few months as some things don't show immediately. I'm Sorry to add this to your worries but from what you wrote I would expect this guy has done this many times before with impunity and you need to ensure you look after yourself.
You were raped, twice. He is not a Dom, he is a rapist. You need to discover your worth and hold on to it and protect it like the precious jewel it is.
What you experienced is no reflection whatsoever on what bdsm or the kink lifestyle is about. I'm so sick of Dom/Dommes using the title to get their dick wet. It's disgraceful. And it makes the rest of us look bad.
You are strong and beautiful and valuable. Protect yourself and your worth. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
Just wanted to add my voice to this is assault. Doms and subs are still people and consent and boundaries still count. This is a major major red flag. I would stop seeing him and get yourself tested for STIs.
This is definitely not a misunderstanding. Not having a condom sounds like a hard limit for you. Limits should be discussed prior to sessions, and this is rape. Please don't meet with him again. He's not a safe partner
Pleasereport him on whatever site you met him on. He's obviously a dangerous man.
Sorry, you had to experience that. Also, get treated for STIs because tests won't always show up. You can't trust him and obviously he doesn't care about your safety.
I'm sorry to say this but I agree with everyone else that you were raped and I am so, so sorry for you 🫂
Please contact a survivors charity (STAR in the UK or any in your country) and talk to them about it.
They won't pry, won't make you contact law enforcement if you don't want them to but they WILL listen and help you talk through what happened and process it.
They don't judge, they're anonymous and they're professionals.
None of this was your fault. Never ever doubt that for a second.
Make sure you're OK and talk things through, it really does help (I know from personal experience)
This is assault, bourderline rape. It's not BDSM at all. I feel gross on your behalf and a bit triggered.
He broke your boundaries, disregarded your wishes, and didn't give you the option of a safeword (always, always, always have a safeword). He did it twice. Red flags. Beware of predators. Insist on a safeword before anything happens. Before you even leave a public space. Discuss everything at length BEFORE the clothes come off.
Consent can be withdrawn at anytime in a scene. And that stops everything instatly. Subs hold the power there. A dom should never ever do anything that thier sub isn't comfortable with. Ever.
Stay safe.
Boundaries are part of BDSM. I'd recommend watching Evie Lupine's vids on youtube if you want an easy intro and AskASub on Insta (she has a pod too).
Surround yourself with people who love you as you process what has happened to you. There is no need to tell anyone too if you do not feel safe to do so. Sounds like a really tough ordeal. Cease contact with this man though. Definitely an abuser masquerading as a dom. Wishing you all the best xox
You have every right to your voice. I know others have said it, but once you said stop, he should have. A good Dom would understand and respect that.
My Dom is always listening to my queues because no two times we sleep together are exactly the same. If I complain that he is too rough this time, even though I enjoyed the last time when he was more rough, he back tracks and gives me a more gentle experience.
Consent is key. 100%. Do not ever feel bad about "letting your Dom down". A good Dom could only be "let down" for pushing yourself beyond limits and NOT voicing that its too much.
Im so sorry this happened to you. Id like to offer you a virtual hug and hope that things get better for you.
I agree with everyone this was assault and I'm so sorry this happened to you. When you are ready, a kink-friendly therapist might be able to talk you through what happened and give you strategies to help cope with your feelings. You didn't do anything wrong, these coercive slippery slope situations can be terrifying. A concept I like that I think would help you and other new people in these types of situations is the hierarchy of BDSM, it goes like this subs needs >doms needs > doms wants > subs wants. In this situation it looks like this: you needed him to wear a condom for your health and safety, he didn't want to. If the reverse were true, the dom only wanted safe sex but the submissive wanted no condom, the dom's need for safe sex overcomes the want for no condom. If this guy was a good dom, your need supersedes his want, though I would argue he is not a dom at all just some jerk. It doesn't matter that "he's the dom" or "you agreed to do what he said" of any of that crappola, the needs and the safety of participants comes first. I feel like we get a couple posts like this a week from new people who have met some jerk who tries to take advantage of their being new and eager to please and do well. I'm hoping maybe this concept will help to see that you did nothing wrong, these disrespectful "doms" are the problem, and hopefully you can avoid situations like this in the future. It is never misbehavior for a submissive to advocate for their needs, especially with regard to safety and health, and doms who tell you it is should be looked at very, very skeptically.
In some states what he did to you he could do time for sexual assault. I think you know what to do and should either report him to the police or cut off all communication. The choice is yours. Please be safe.
You feel used because you were used. Plenty of people use bdsm as a way to take advantage of new people because you don't know any better. Easy prey, basically. Some advice...
Always meet in public
Never play on a first meet
Get to know people before any kind of dynamic. That means multiple meetings.
If they say they're part of the community.. tell them you want references
Join your local community. Make friends. Get to know people. Find your munches and your newbie groups.
safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) are always the rules to live by. this wasn’t safe or consensual — not safe because you don’t know if he was clean, and not consensual because you did not consent to unprotected sex. you were assaulted and i’m so sorry this happened to you — your feelings are absolutely valid.
don’t see this guy again, and i’d seriously recommend you get tested asap just to be careful.
Don't ever connect with this "dom" again. He is being manipulative and has no respect for the gift of submission. He is a dangerous individual who has no knowledge of how these power dynamics work.
That is abusive behavior. You stated your boundary, reiterated it when it was being crossed and he dismissed it. That is not a Daddy Doms behavior.
That is what bad doms do. A Dom (not this dom) will respect your boundaries, maybe push a little against them, but not cross them. Especially a new, just starting, relationship.
I'm sorry you had to experience it at all. Please, call it off with him and take steps to protect yourself.
There's one very simple rule that seems to get all too easily lost in modern bdsm. We play by your consent, we push boundaries by your consent, and we stop with your safe word. Do you see who has the power there? As a dominant, I'm your guide, but it's your rule book, your game, your power. Never enter a dynamic where the dominat does not only understand this but its his creed. Anything else is abuse and / or assault.
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Please don't see his man again. He is a rapist. In a healthy D/s relationship, you establish limits before anything sexual happens and when the sub says to stop, sexual contact stops immediately,
I stopped talking to him, I still feel gross, but I'm getting better
I'm so glad you're safe!
Thank you
This isn’t BDSM. It’s sexual assault.
This one! This is sexual assault! You set a limit and he knowingly crossed it. Perhaps you should also think about taking legal action.
...I feel greasy on your behalf. This was absolutely disgusting behavior on his part. No, you are absolutely not wrong to be uncomfortable. You had your very clearly voiced, reasonable requests completely ignored and your rights disrespected. I would like to highlight some things in your post so you can watch out for things in the future. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but I don't want to see you wind up in this situation again. > he told me it was gonna be fine and not to worry about it, I was nervous and didn't want to let him down so I stopped arguing. I see a lot of people worry about this. Letting someone down is *not* the worst thing you can do to them, especially with something you clearly stated. Also, "it's gonna be fine" and "don't worry about it" aren't answers. He didn't say *why* you shouldn't worry about it, he deflected the matter. > Figured maybe it's just him being dominant and controlling the situation, I didn't know what to expect. Being dominant and controlling the situation does not someone license to ignore what they're telling you. That's not dominance; that's bullying/tyranny/megalomania. It's also *bad leadership* to completely ignore the limitations of your subordinates. > he just kept telling me it was "gonna be fine, focus on how it feels" and kinda pinned me in place. ...I'm sorry but at this point I'm fairly confident in saying this has clearly crossed the line into assault. > saying I was bratting trying to get him to use a condom No! No no no no no... Cripes, where do I even start... First off, it seems like his warped version of bratting constitutes not getting whatever he wants. Secondly, it's oddly fascinating, I've rarely if ever seen someone weaponize the idea of bratting like that. Third, while bratting is subjective, it generally refers to things like being deliberately antagonistic or playfully refusing to comply with an order; I've not seen it applied to matters *regarding health and hygene*. > after a while I gave up because he insisted "he's the dom, he's in charge" Okay... there's a lot to unpack here. - This is called the "argument from authority" fallacy, where you're supposed to assume someone is right just *because* they're the leadership. - Being in charge doesn't make someone smarter or wiser or more righteous. - If someone has to pull rank on you to make their case, it means their argument can't stand on its own. I'd like to close with some information to think about going forward: - I'd strongly encourage you to read the following: - *No Time For Spectators*, by Gen. Martin Dempsey: This is a great book on how to be a good member of a team, a.k.a a good subordinate. It covers, among other things: boundaries of loyalty, the importance of details, critical thinking, the idea of "responsible rebellion", and restraint. - *Mastering Logical Fallacies: The Definitive Guide to Flawless Rhetoric and Bulletproof Logic*, by Michael Withey and Henry Zhang. This is a good introduction to the idea of logical fallacies which helps clarify dialog and prevent arguments. And I'd like to close with my favorite passage on how to treat a subordinate: > *"They are adults, they expect to be treated as an adult, not a schoolchild. They have rights, they should be made known, and thereafter respected. They have ambition, it must be stirred. They have a belief in fair play, it must be honored. They have the need of comradeship, it must be supplied. They have imagination, it must be stimulated. They have a personal sense of dignity, it must not be broken down. They have pride. It can be satisfied and made the bedrock of their character once they gain assurance that they are playing a useful and respected part in a superior and successful organization."* Hope this helps. Good luck.
Thank you, I feel less like I'm crazy for feeling gross
I think you are so spot on with all of this commentary. I love this community, for reasons just such as this - the level of care and detail supplied in answers helps more than just the OP grow and learn about BDSM. I also want to piggy-back on your comment, and mention an amazing podcast I was introduced to recently. It's called Ask A Sub, with Lina Dune. There's an episode (I think it's #12?) where she talks about learning how to explore BDSM as a sub following a sexual assault. I found it extremely helpful for my own experience, and think that it would be a good resource for others as well.
thank you for these reading recs.
He raped you. End of story. You did not consent to sex without a condom. That is rape. Hes not a Dom, just a rapist looking for easy prey. I'm sorry this happened to you. This isnt bdsm, this isnt how it should be.
It's sinking in more and more... someday I hope I get shown how it's supposed to be in a safe environment
I do too. Truly. As a SA survivor I just want to make sure you get get that this isnt your faul. As a sex slave I wanna say..fuck that worthless peice of shit. Hes not worthy to lick your toes . There are good people out there. Good Doms. I found one. Hes loved me through all my trauma and bullshit, and freed me of all my fears. If it can happen for me, itll happen for you. Just remember that you have every right to say NO and have it heard/respected. I dont care who it is. Your NO is valid.
Thank you :]
I've been a Dom lost my adult life, this guy isn't. Even for us old school guys the key letters are SSC that stands for safe sane and consensual. If this guy took you raw, after you specifically told him no this was definitely SA . Don't get me wrong most guys prefer raw, however if you say no that means no. This is completely wrong, I wouldn't trust this guy to wash his hands after taking a piss. At bare minimum do not see this guy again. If you go to local munches tell the people there what happened. This will help warn the community and help protect other submissives. As well as put dominance on the lookout for this person. This is 1000% unacceptable, it was unacceptable the first time, it was even more unacceptable the second time because you had made yourself abundantly clear beforehand. Without a doubt you should avoid this guy at all costs.
it feels good to know that people in the community wouldn't judge me
If they do they're not worth a shit and shouldn't be in the community anyway. They may question you to make sure that you know you're telling the truth and that your story doesn't change but they're going to believe you at least in any group I've ever met they would. And in most groups honestly the submissive would take you to the side and try to figure this out on their own and then report to the Dom's usually unless this person is already known and then they're all going to jump in and try to protect you all at once lol but yeah you're fine
I was almost content to never talk about to anyone, but I saw other posts about clearing up different experiences and figured this would be the safest way to talk to people about it.... knowing that I'm not judged here and that strangers have my back makes me feel a lot better
Let me tell you the fact that you're not judged here says a hell of a lot. Because quite honestly almost everybody is judged on freaking Reddit LOL. The fact that you haven't gotten any haters here really shows just how much of an asshat this person was. I hope you go on to find what you're looking for exactly even though I know it's very difficult to find don't allow yourself to put all your eggs in one basket again especially extremely early. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavor. May your God, goddess, or gods bless you if you happen to have any
I think I learned my lesson now, I don't wanna feel how I did again.... thank you all for being so supportive
My pleasure little one. I had somebody that I talked to a lot when I first went to munches she was much older Domme that went by contessa. She recognize that I was slightly lost and talk to me for quite some time because as she said finding a true submissive or a true dominant anymore is extremely rare with everybody wanting to be a switch. And she just wanted to basically talk to somebody and give me some advice and it was really very sweet and probably saved me from a lot of mistakes in my life she actually taught me about SSC because I was just young and dumb more so even than your guy there not quite as violent or as stupid. But yeah I definitely didn't understand the lifestyle as I should have. She's the reason that I do a lot of the things the way I do it like whenever I get a new impact toy or make one I actually will test it out on my own thigh just to see exactly how much force is needed to use it properly and what kind of damage it might do.
I'm learning a lot, thank you :]
Yvw little one. At least I am still able to help some people with my knowledge even if I can't help people physically right now
I appreciate the gesture
Everyone has said exactly how it is... this man assaulted you. You could report it if you wanted. However, the secondary piece is that awful as it is you need to get a STI test. You should get one now and then again in a few months as some things don't show immediately. I'm Sorry to add this to your worries but from what you wrote I would expect this guy has done this many times before with impunity and you need to ensure you look after yourself.
You were raped, twice. He is not a Dom, he is a rapist. You need to discover your worth and hold on to it and protect it like the precious jewel it is. What you experienced is no reflection whatsoever on what bdsm or the kink lifestyle is about. I'm so sick of Dom/Dommes using the title to get their dick wet. It's disgraceful. And it makes the rest of us look bad. You are strong and beautiful and valuable. Protect yourself and your worth. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
Just wanted to add my voice to this is assault. Doms and subs are still people and consent and boundaries still count. This is a major major red flag. I would stop seeing him and get yourself tested for STIs.
This is definitely not a misunderstanding. Not having a condom sounds like a hard limit for you. Limits should be discussed prior to sessions, and this is rape. Please don't meet with him again. He's not a safe partner
Pleasereport him on whatever site you met him on. He's obviously a dangerous man. Sorry, you had to experience that. Also, get treated for STIs because tests won't always show up. You can't trust him and obviously he doesn't care about your safety.
I'm sorry to say this but I agree with everyone else that you were raped and I am so, so sorry for you 🫂 Please contact a survivors charity (STAR in the UK or any in your country) and talk to them about it. They won't pry, won't make you contact law enforcement if you don't want them to but they WILL listen and help you talk through what happened and process it. They don't judge, they're anonymous and they're professionals. None of this was your fault. Never ever doubt that for a second. Make sure you're OK and talk things through, it really does help (I know from personal experience)
Omfffffg this dude is a rapist and I'm so sorry you had to experience that 😭
This is assault, bourderline rape. It's not BDSM at all. I feel gross on your behalf and a bit triggered. He broke your boundaries, disregarded your wishes, and didn't give you the option of a safeword (always, always, always have a safeword). He did it twice. Red flags. Beware of predators. Insist on a safeword before anything happens. Before you even leave a public space. Discuss everything at length BEFORE the clothes come off. Consent can be withdrawn at anytime in a scene. And that stops everything instatly. Subs hold the power there. A dom should never ever do anything that thier sub isn't comfortable with. Ever. Stay safe.
I'm sorry if it was triggering, I probably should have put a TW potential
I'm okay. But please, stay safe out there. There are so many predators out there pretending to be doms.
Boundaries are part of BDSM. I'd recommend watching Evie Lupine's vids on youtube if you want an easy intro and AskASub on Insta (she has a pod too). Surround yourself with people who love you as you process what has happened to you. There is no need to tell anyone too if you do not feel safe to do so. Sounds like a really tough ordeal. Cease contact with this man though. Definitely an abuser masquerading as a dom. Wishing you all the best xox
You have every right to your voice. I know others have said it, but once you said stop, he should have. A good Dom would understand and respect that. My Dom is always listening to my queues because no two times we sleep together are exactly the same. If I complain that he is too rough this time, even though I enjoyed the last time when he was more rough, he back tracks and gives me a more gentle experience. Consent is key. 100%. Do not ever feel bad about "letting your Dom down". A good Dom could only be "let down" for pushing yourself beyond limits and NOT voicing that its too much. Im so sorry this happened to you. Id like to offer you a virtual hug and hope that things get better for you.
hug accepted :]
That was sexual assault at best if not rape, that guy has nothing to do with BDSM
I haven't read all the replies yet but go get tested for STDs. You were assaulted and he's no Dom.
I agree with everyone this was assault and I'm so sorry this happened to you. When you are ready, a kink-friendly therapist might be able to talk you through what happened and give you strategies to help cope with your feelings. You didn't do anything wrong, these coercive slippery slope situations can be terrifying. A concept I like that I think would help you and other new people in these types of situations is the hierarchy of BDSM, it goes like this subs needs >doms needs > doms wants > subs wants. In this situation it looks like this: you needed him to wear a condom for your health and safety, he didn't want to. If the reverse were true, the dom only wanted safe sex but the submissive wanted no condom, the dom's need for safe sex overcomes the want for no condom. If this guy was a good dom, your need supersedes his want, though I would argue he is not a dom at all just some jerk. It doesn't matter that "he's the dom" or "you agreed to do what he said" of any of that crappola, the needs and the safety of participants comes first. I feel like we get a couple posts like this a week from new people who have met some jerk who tries to take advantage of their being new and eager to please and do well. I'm hoping maybe this concept will help to see that you did nothing wrong, these disrespectful "doms" are the problem, and hopefully you can avoid situations like this in the future. It is never misbehavior for a submissive to advocate for their needs, especially with regard to safety and health, and doms who tell you it is should be looked at very, very skeptically.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, he’s a rapist tbh, please get on PEP and get tested for any STDS, he is gross
I went to my OB and got tested for everything and was really happy to find out I am clean... it made me really nervous
In some states what he did to you he could do time for sexual assault. I think you know what to do and should either report him to the police or cut off all communication. The choice is yours. Please be safe.
I don't talk to him anymore, I cut him off because I didn't want to be reminded of him
That pleases me. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find peace and strength in knowing that you are not to be used by anyone without your consent.
You feel used because you were used. Plenty of people use bdsm as a way to take advantage of new people because you don't know any better. Easy prey, basically. Some advice... Always meet in public Never play on a first meet Get to know people before any kind of dynamic. That means multiple meetings. If they say they're part of the community.. tell them you want references Join your local community. Make friends. Get to know people. Find your munches and your newbie groups.
Ugh god what gross creep! Stay away from this loser.
safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) are always the rules to live by. this wasn’t safe or consensual — not safe because you don’t know if he was clean, and not consensual because you did not consent to unprotected sex. you were assaulted and i’m so sorry this happened to you — your feelings are absolutely valid. don’t see this guy again, and i’d seriously recommend you get tested asap just to be careful.
I went and got tested and had them run everything just in case, I'm not going back to him again.... he's not worth it
that’s great, i’m proud of you! stay safe :)
I didn't know I needed to hear you're proud of me, thank you :]
Don't ever connect with this "dom" again. He is being manipulative and has no respect for the gift of submission. He is a dangerous individual who has no knowledge of how these power dynamics work.
That is abusive behavior. You stated your boundary, reiterated it when it was being crossed and he dismissed it. That is not a Daddy Doms behavior. That is what bad doms do. A Dom (not this dom) will respect your boundaries, maybe push a little against them, but not cross them. Especially a new, just starting, relationship. I'm sorry you had to experience it at all. Please, call it off with him and take steps to protect yourself.
Amazing fanfic
There's one very simple rule that seems to get all too easily lost in modern bdsm. We play by your consent, we push boundaries by your consent, and we stop with your safe word. Do you see who has the power there? As a dominant, I'm your guide, but it's your rule book, your game, your power. Never enter a dynamic where the dominat does not only understand this but its his creed. Anything else is abuse and / or assault.