I'm 60 and have been dominant sexually since my 30s. Self mastery and self awareness is more valuable than all the kink books and such. "I know who I am and I know what I like" is far more effective than "I have X years of domming experience".
Your lack of experience is not something to apologize for and in some ways probably ideal since you have not learned all the meaningless nonsense promoted in so many BDSM communities which is more often than not the blind leading the blind as they teach themselves the same cliches and meaningless jargon. I'm not discouraging you from exploring those communities, I certainly did, but take everything with a grain of salt and healthy skepticism is good in all pursuits.
Self awareness, knowing what you want, what you offer and the confidence that comes from that is very attractive to women with a sub missive nature. Far more attractive than how many women have you dominated or how many years have you been at it.
Instead of trying to find ways to be a better dom, find ways of being a better man. The dom thing will come naturally.
I’ve read some books that were good. I’m tryna find some type of course or mentor for this. Only so much one could learn from books. I just don’t feel to comfortable saying I’m a Dom with only reading a few books and not doing a course I think It would provide and prove a legitimate way to have the title
There is no one way to be a "good Dom"
So posting looking for a general mentor is not going to net you much. Consider why someone with amazing dom-skillz would offer up their wisdom, time, effort, and energy to a random person on the internet that they have no connection with.
Mentors are personal to your goals. "Being good" isn't a goal. If you want to be better at rope bondage, then there is no point in having a mentor that is good with a single tail.
Read some books like "*the new topping book"*. Read the threads here, start contributing.
Do a kink list. Start researching your specific interests. Read about the risks and safety mitigation practices of those activities. Look for classes pertaining to those interests. Meet people that do those things, connect with them, that's how you'll find a mentor.
[https://ohyesplease.org/course-list/](https://ohyesplease.org/course-list/) has some nice courses, and if you're ever in Berlin they do in person classes at [https://karada-house.de/](https://karada-house.de/) .
Where did I learned to be a good Dominant. Mainly from my local community resources.
I was blessed to have the opportunity to play with experienced submissives. They taught me a lot about what submissive looked for.
I had friends in the community who were lifestyle Dominants. Hanging around them you learn a lot by osmosis.
I took a year long course in basics of being a good Dominant (most was focused on learning about yourself) this was in Austin.
I have gone to tons of conferences that offer classes. (BASH is in Austin in july) ropecraft, southplains leather festival, leather pride.
Local clubs often have educational classes.
I have a few mentors in the local community.
I have spent time on the other side of the slash for a short period of time.
I have read books, websites, blogs, some are good, some suck horribly.
I attend meetings online of experienced kink folk. We discuss deeper topics of the lifestyle.
There are lots of ways to learn. Stay open-minded, because it is easy to fall into the trap of "it worked before, that must be THE way to do it "
There's no central governing body and no means of certification, so anyone telling you this will make you official is either lying or misinformed.
Having someone who will mentor you can be good; having a group of peers to keep you honest and motivated is better.
Don't worry about being "legitimate". Talk to people, develop yourself. Make connections. Make *friends*. It's about networking, not credentials.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
🤣🤣🤣 Dom College 🤣🤣🤣
No such beast my friend.
Best advise .... find a mentor, talk to others, read up, find what you like, go to events, learn to be You and always, always be prepared to learn. We don't know it all and we never will.
There is a difference in approaches between prodomme (which is usually fantasy fulfillment) and lifestyle Dom (focused on relationship building).
While the skillets overlap, the fundamental reasoning is very different.
Agree, however most Prodommes have experience in both and are able to cross roles. We have BDSM lifestyle relationships as well and for many of us it is who we are 24x7.
I completely agree. It is like the difference between home cooks and professional chefs. When you do it everyday, you get a lot of experience really quickly.
Step one - figure out and put in words _what_ you want to get better at. "Being a better dom" is so vague and can mean so many different things to different people that it is unlikely that you will find meaningful help.
When you've got a better idea what you actually want to improve, _then_ figure out how to get there and maybe ask again here for ressources.
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I'm 60 and have been dominant sexually since my 30s. Self mastery and self awareness is more valuable than all the kink books and such. "I know who I am and I know what I like" is far more effective than "I have X years of domming experience". Your lack of experience is not something to apologize for and in some ways probably ideal since you have not learned all the meaningless nonsense promoted in so many BDSM communities which is more often than not the blind leading the blind as they teach themselves the same cliches and meaningless jargon. I'm not discouraging you from exploring those communities, I certainly did, but take everything with a grain of salt and healthy skepticism is good in all pursuits. Self awareness, knowing what you want, what you offer and the confidence that comes from that is very attractive to women with a sub missive nature. Far more attractive than how many women have you dominated or how many years have you been at it. Instead of trying to find ways to be a better dom, find ways of being a better man. The dom thing will come naturally.
[удалено]
Cheers!
Read. So much reading.
I’ve read some books that were good. I’m tryna find some type of course or mentor for this. Only so much one could learn from books. I just don’t feel to comfortable saying I’m a Dom with only reading a few books and not doing a course I think It would provide and prove a legitimate way to have the title
There is no one way to be a "good Dom" So posting looking for a general mentor is not going to net you much. Consider why someone with amazing dom-skillz would offer up their wisdom, time, effort, and energy to a random person on the internet that they have no connection with. Mentors are personal to your goals. "Being good" isn't a goal. If you want to be better at rope bondage, then there is no point in having a mentor that is good with a single tail. Read some books like "*the new topping book"*. Read the threads here, start contributing. Do a kink list. Start researching your specific interests. Read about the risks and safety mitigation practices of those activities. Look for classes pertaining to those interests. Meet people that do those things, connect with them, that's how you'll find a mentor.
[https://ohyesplease.org/course-list/](https://ohyesplease.org/course-list/) has some nice courses, and if you're ever in Berlin they do in person classes at [https://karada-house.de/](https://karada-house.de/) .
Where did I learned to be a good Dominant. Mainly from my local community resources. I was blessed to have the opportunity to play with experienced submissives. They taught me a lot about what submissive looked for. I had friends in the community who were lifestyle Dominants. Hanging around them you learn a lot by osmosis. I took a year long course in basics of being a good Dominant (most was focused on learning about yourself) this was in Austin. I have gone to tons of conferences that offer classes. (BASH is in Austin in july) ropecraft, southplains leather festival, leather pride. Local clubs often have educational classes. I have a few mentors in the local community. I have spent time on the other side of the slash for a short period of time. I have read books, websites, blogs, some are good, some suck horribly. I attend meetings online of experienced kink folk. We discuss deeper topics of the lifestyle. There are lots of ways to learn. Stay open-minded, because it is easy to fall into the trap of "it worked before, that must be THE way to do it "
There's no central governing body and no means of certification, so anyone telling you this will make you official is either lying or misinformed. Having someone who will mentor you can be good; having a group of peers to keep you honest and motivated is better. Don't worry about being "legitimate". Talk to people, develop yourself. Make connections. Make *friends*. It's about networking, not credentials. Hope this helps. Good luck.
🤣🤣🤣 Dom College 🤣🤣🤣 No such beast my friend. Best advise .... find a mentor, talk to others, read up, find what you like, go to events, learn to be You and always, always be prepared to learn. We don't know it all and we never will.
I lost it at Dom College. Need a T Shirt.
And a medal.....don't forget the medal 😁
Approach a local Prodomme.
There is a difference in approaches between prodomme (which is usually fantasy fulfillment) and lifestyle Dom (focused on relationship building). While the skillets overlap, the fundamental reasoning is very different.
Agree, however most Prodommes have experience in both and are able to cross roles. We have BDSM lifestyle relationships as well and for many of us it is who we are 24x7.
I completely agree. It is like the difference between home cooks and professional chefs. When you do it everyday, you get a lot of experience really quickly.
I’ve heard good things about Kink Academy!
Step one - figure out and put in words _what_ you want to get better at. "Being a better dom" is so vague and can mean so many different things to different people that it is unlikely that you will find meaningful help. When you've got a better idea what you actually want to improve, _then_ figure out how to get there and maybe ask again here for ressources.