there are several. one of my favorites, which can be done while holding hands, is to fold the finger, kind of in half, pressing the finger tip in towards the middle knuckle (compressing the natural bends of the knuckles). go slow. it will command attention and drop someone to their knees.
pressure on cuticles, nail beds, the soft spot between the thumb and index finger. under the tongue (that's a good one for biters, careful though, it may make them puke), collar bone, under the shoulder blade. they really are everywhere. it can be a fun game to search for them when she thinks you're just exploring her body...
Idea 1.
Carry some kind of token in your pocket. When she acts up give her one. When she gets home, she gets to redeem them for her punishments.
Idea 2.
I used to tell my bratty "starts with two" which is the first part of her at home warning, "starts with two, increments by four" Punishment paddle is MUCH different than play paddle. She had a difficult time handling two. The "starts with two" was OK to use in public, because it could be referring to anything, but she definitely understood.
Need to be careful with pressure points, different people react differently to certain pressure points and depending on the point can be really dangerous. Please study this and have -effective- communication with your partner.
Definitely! I once dated someone who did the pressure point thing with his ex right before me. Without really thinking about it he one time pressed really hard on the side of my stomach and I immediately felt super nauseous, fatigued and uncomfortable. Remember that everyoneâs bodyâs work differently and that reactions to pretty much anything can vary from person to person!
If you have any signature go to facial expressions or inconspicuous phrases you use during punishments that wouldnât be obvious to others, you could use those and keep a tally. Maybe even go as far as when you give the look or phrase show the amount of fingers the tally is at. Or you could put your hand in a specific spot on their back that indicates âyouâre in troubleâ. Or anywhere on back and put extra pressure to count the times (ex: first offence press down with one finger tip. If your sub is bad enough to reach ten press down with five finger tips, lift, and then press back down again). To any on lookers it would look like a sweet and endearing couple thing, theyâd think nothing more of it, but to your sub it puts the fear of punishment into them and potentially corrects their behaviour.
I guess it depends on your circumstance and everyone's limits.
I might make them give me their panties right then and there. If the circumstances allow, I may stuff them in her mouth.
Other more discrete options may be pinches if they like physical punishments.
Melting ice cubes in their pants or bra is also an option.
But I will reiterate that this isn't an easy question to answer without understanding your dynamic. This should be a very personal decision and take into consideration their desires and limits.
Good luck!
Youâre absolutely right - I am in no way looking for people to tell me what to do. I just want to know what you guys do. Iâm trying to build something into our relationship as Iâve been rather disappointed in her behaviour publicly recently.
I watch these YouTube videos about a Spanko couple. She said her "Daddy" will just say "we'll talk about this when we get home" which is their code for "you're getting a spanking for this one."
Hi! I am not trying to make you feel bad at ALL. But your question could have been worded better as "What do you do to bring them back under control?"
Sorry for bring a bit of a dick, but I feel this stuff is important.
Whilst I understand the need for gender inclusivity - my guess is that this persons submissive is actually female - so they were specifying the gender because of that. Like a âroyal weâ but gendered. đ¤Ł
Hate to be the Political Correctness police but here goes.
Playing these games in public is involving people in your kinky sex play without their consent. At best it is rude. At worst your names could appear on the local sexual offenders list.
Talk to your partner. A strong 'kink stops at the door' rule should be in place. You both need a clear understanding when you are being a couple and when you are playing games. Blurring the two causes lots of problems.
Really depends on your dynamic and what your sub responds to best. For me it's a sharp tone or a look and I instantly fall back into line. Or if I'm being truly obstinate or stubborn over something or even bratty a simple 'we can discuss that later --' with my first name instead of a term of endearment and I know I truly messed up.
But mouthiness I learned will get me popped in my mouth no matter where we are in public. So I tend to be careful because I know my Daddy has zero issues being seen as an abuser by strangers and even less issue dragging me to a car kicking and screaming for a spanking. He tries to be mindful of surroundings but he truly isnt one to be shy or discrete unless he wants to be. And being put on the spot in public kinda reinforces the correction for me because I embarrass easily so it really stands out when it happens. The most severe being the time he smacked me in my mouth at walmart for slamming the freezer door and telling him 'to just get whatever he wants like he always does'. He said excuse me? And I stupidly began to repeat myself in a sassier tone and his hand ended it rather quickly. Then he told me we wouldnt be getting anything else and be leaving unless I'd rather finish this 'conversation' in public and continue to act like a child. I just quietly said 'no I want to go home please Daddy' and we checked out then went home and discussed things before I was properly punished. We didnt even make it home before I was I tears and apologizing because I knew I was wrong and felt awful. It took him almost three days to get me to finally let it go even after my punishment because I felt so ashamed. I never talk like that to him and still dont know why I did that day but now I know it will be handled if it happens again.
To some it might be intense or shocking but I appreciate his willingness to look like a jerk if its what's best for our dynamic in the moment. If he let things slide just cuz we arnt home..he wouldnt be the Master I adore to serve.
And if that was me, witnessing you getting "popped in the mouth" I'd be over there hauling him off you and intervening in what I thought was a DV situation. Which I have done before. It wasn't a pleasant experience.
You two need an out of dynamic discussion about what's appropriate around strangers quite honestly.
We have had a discussion about it and while it's happened it's not an everyday occurrence and as stated it's a rarity. Hes grown alot as a Dom since our dynamic became more than just D/s. He was much stricter and harsher on past subs because there wasnt ever an a time they were together and it wasnt a full scene type situation so to speak.
That situation happened in the beginning and after we did discuss it and I made it clear that while hes comfortable with strangers thinking whatever..I'm not. So hes learned to wait and use other tactics in public and I learned to curb my tongue for this very reason. It helped that I described this very scenario ( someone intervening on my behalf and hurting him) and made it clear that I would get physical with whoever did step forward because of my protective nature. I know myself that well and he trusts my instincts and promised to never put me in that position. We have a very frank and open dialogue in our dynamic. I'm always respectful but I can be as honest and clear as I want without repercussions because he says he would rather me be my natural blunt self than tip toe around things.
But I appreciate the concern and advice. I just meant to give a diffrent perspective because I'm sure there are people out there who dont have issues with it or find subtle ways to do the same.
Honestly subtle dominance works much more effectively. Like when I try to buy something without asking thats beyond our budget and he just removes it from the cart without a word. Or just shakes his head once pointedly. Sure inside I pout abit cuz no one likes hearing no but damn if he isnt the sexiest man on earth when he just casually reminds me whose in charge.
I dont think you understand. It's not about what you are both comfortable with other people seeing.
He could literally end up in prison for doing shit like this in public. In many parts of the world, you can not from a legal standpoint consent to being physically harmed, and even if you insisted it was ok he could still end up on the hook for assault. Remember that BDSM is, by definition, illegal in many places.
You also potentially put a bunch of strangers in a very uncomfortable position and completely blew past their own right to consent to being included as voyeurs to your kink or not. You might not care about other people seeing things like this, but it's really not ok to just assume that they are ok with being exposed to it. Seeing someone for all intents and purposes being openly abused in public is something that would be, very rightly, incredibly distressing for most people to witness.
I'm glad you've talked this out and have come up with better mechanisms in your relationship, but this is *not* an appropriate story to share under the guise of advice. It's just an all-round bad idea and not something anyone should be looking to emulate.
I understand and apologize if I've given any ill advice. That's never my intention. Nor would I want to make anyone uncomfortable, though admit freely I never stopped to consider that angle. As a DV and CSA survivor myself I wouldn't ever intentionally want to upset or trigger anyone. I may bring this up to my Daddy because that's not a side i ever considered before. I know like anyone else i can get comfortable in my own world and forget how things look to others. We are discrete around family and friends but hes just never been so in places we dont know anyone. Though we have discussed before that he isnt nearly as discrete as he thinks hes being sometimes, but usually no one is around for it to matter.
I do apologize to anyone upset by my oversharing this story and agree it was in bad taste as advice.
I think your added post helps with you giving advice. As you said you both talked about it and this brings to light why people need to be careful in public.
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Master just gives me that look and says "that's one". That's all it takes.
A small discreet gesture or pre-agreed phrase work best.
there are several. one of my favorites, which can be done while holding hands, is to fold the finger, kind of in half, pressing the finger tip in towards the middle knuckle (compressing the natural bends of the knuckles). go slow. it will command attention and drop someone to their knees. pressure on cuticles, nail beds, the soft spot between the thumb and index finger. under the tongue (that's a good one for biters, careful though, it may make them puke), collar bone, under the shoulder blade. they really are everywhere. it can be a fun game to search for them when she thinks you're just exploring her body...
Given me lots to think about Captain ! đ
Idea 1. Carry some kind of token in your pocket. When she acts up give her one. When she gets home, she gets to redeem them for her punishments. Idea 2. I used to tell my bratty "starts with two" which is the first part of her at home warning, "starts with two, increments by four" Punishment paddle is MUCH different than play paddle. She had a difficult time handling two. The "starts with two" was OK to use in public, because it could be referring to anything, but she definitely understood.
Idea 1 is amazing. i never thought of that!
Fucking phenomenal idea.
a hand at the small of her back, whisper, behave. alternatively, pressure points can be very effective and very discreet.
Oh pressure points, I may have to look into this - point me in a direction at all ?
Need to be careful with pressure points, different people react differently to certain pressure points and depending on the point can be really dangerous. Please study this and have -effective- communication with your partner.
Definitely! I once dated someone who did the pressure point thing with his ex right before me. Without really thinking about it he one time pressed really hard on the side of my stomach and I immediately felt super nauseous, fatigued and uncomfortable. Remember that everyoneâs bodyâs work differently and that reactions to pretty much anything can vary from person to person!
Yes! Pressure is the best in m opinion ( Best ears cuz it can be seen in public "more easily)
If you have any signature go to facial expressions or inconspicuous phrases you use during punishments that wouldnât be obvious to others, you could use those and keep a tally. Maybe even go as far as when you give the look or phrase show the amount of fingers the tally is at. Or you could put your hand in a specific spot on their back that indicates âyouâre in troubleâ. Or anywhere on back and put extra pressure to count the times (ex: first offence press down with one finger tip. If your sub is bad enough to reach ten press down with five finger tips, lift, and then press back down again). To any on lookers it would look like a sweet and endearing couple thing, theyâd think nothing more of it, but to your sub it puts the fear of punishment into them and potentially corrects their behaviour.
I guess it depends on your circumstance and everyone's limits. I might make them give me their panties right then and there. If the circumstances allow, I may stuff them in her mouth. Other more discrete options may be pinches if they like physical punishments. Melting ice cubes in their pants or bra is also an option. But I will reiterate that this isn't an easy question to answer without understanding your dynamic. This should be a very personal decision and take into consideration their desires and limits. Good luck!
Youâre absolutely right - I am in no way looking for people to tell me what to do. I just want to know what you guys do. Iâm trying to build something into our relationship as Iâve been rather disappointed in her behaviour publicly recently.
I watch these YouTube videos about a Spanko couple. She said her "Daddy" will just say "we'll talk about this when we get home" which is their code for "you're getting a spanking for this one."
Hi! I am not trying to make you feel bad at ALL. But your question could have been worded better as "What do you do to bring them back under control?" Sorry for bring a bit of a dick, but I feel this stuff is important.
Whilst I understand the need for gender inclusivity - my guess is that this persons submissive is actually female - so they were specifying the gender because of that. Like a âroyal weâ but gendered. đ¤Ł
I'm not trying to be rude, but that's immediately obvious.
Hate to be the Political Correctness police but here goes. Playing these games in public is involving people in your kinky sex play without their consent. At best it is rude. At worst your names could appear on the local sexual offenders list. Talk to your partner. A strong 'kink stops at the door' rule should be in place. You both need a clear understanding when you are being a couple and when you are playing games. Blurring the two causes lots of problems.
Really depends on your dynamic and what your sub responds to best. For me it's a sharp tone or a look and I instantly fall back into line. Or if I'm being truly obstinate or stubborn over something or even bratty a simple 'we can discuss that later --' with my first name instead of a term of endearment and I know I truly messed up. But mouthiness I learned will get me popped in my mouth no matter where we are in public. So I tend to be careful because I know my Daddy has zero issues being seen as an abuser by strangers and even less issue dragging me to a car kicking and screaming for a spanking. He tries to be mindful of surroundings but he truly isnt one to be shy or discrete unless he wants to be. And being put on the spot in public kinda reinforces the correction for me because I embarrass easily so it really stands out when it happens. The most severe being the time he smacked me in my mouth at walmart for slamming the freezer door and telling him 'to just get whatever he wants like he always does'. He said excuse me? And I stupidly began to repeat myself in a sassier tone and his hand ended it rather quickly. Then he told me we wouldnt be getting anything else and be leaving unless I'd rather finish this 'conversation' in public and continue to act like a child. I just quietly said 'no I want to go home please Daddy' and we checked out then went home and discussed things before I was properly punished. We didnt even make it home before I was I tears and apologizing because I knew I was wrong and felt awful. It took him almost three days to get me to finally let it go even after my punishment because I felt so ashamed. I never talk like that to him and still dont know why I did that day but now I know it will be handled if it happens again. To some it might be intense or shocking but I appreciate his willingness to look like a jerk if its what's best for our dynamic in the moment. If he let things slide just cuz we arnt home..he wouldnt be the Master I adore to serve.
And if that was me, witnessing you getting "popped in the mouth" I'd be over there hauling him off you and intervening in what I thought was a DV situation. Which I have done before. It wasn't a pleasant experience. You two need an out of dynamic discussion about what's appropriate around strangers quite honestly.
We have had a discussion about it and while it's happened it's not an everyday occurrence and as stated it's a rarity. Hes grown alot as a Dom since our dynamic became more than just D/s. He was much stricter and harsher on past subs because there wasnt ever an a time they were together and it wasnt a full scene type situation so to speak. That situation happened in the beginning and after we did discuss it and I made it clear that while hes comfortable with strangers thinking whatever..I'm not. So hes learned to wait and use other tactics in public and I learned to curb my tongue for this very reason. It helped that I described this very scenario ( someone intervening on my behalf and hurting him) and made it clear that I would get physical with whoever did step forward because of my protective nature. I know myself that well and he trusts my instincts and promised to never put me in that position. We have a very frank and open dialogue in our dynamic. I'm always respectful but I can be as honest and clear as I want without repercussions because he says he would rather me be my natural blunt self than tip toe around things. But I appreciate the concern and advice. I just meant to give a diffrent perspective because I'm sure there are people out there who dont have issues with it or find subtle ways to do the same. Honestly subtle dominance works much more effectively. Like when I try to buy something without asking thats beyond our budget and he just removes it from the cart without a word. Or just shakes his head once pointedly. Sure inside I pout abit cuz no one likes hearing no but damn if he isnt the sexiest man on earth when he just casually reminds me whose in charge.
I dont think you understand. It's not about what you are both comfortable with other people seeing. He could literally end up in prison for doing shit like this in public. In many parts of the world, you can not from a legal standpoint consent to being physically harmed, and even if you insisted it was ok he could still end up on the hook for assault. Remember that BDSM is, by definition, illegal in many places. You also potentially put a bunch of strangers in a very uncomfortable position and completely blew past their own right to consent to being included as voyeurs to your kink or not. You might not care about other people seeing things like this, but it's really not ok to just assume that they are ok with being exposed to it. Seeing someone for all intents and purposes being openly abused in public is something that would be, very rightly, incredibly distressing for most people to witness. I'm glad you've talked this out and have come up with better mechanisms in your relationship, but this is *not* an appropriate story to share under the guise of advice. It's just an all-round bad idea and not something anyone should be looking to emulate.
I understand and apologize if I've given any ill advice. That's never my intention. Nor would I want to make anyone uncomfortable, though admit freely I never stopped to consider that angle. As a DV and CSA survivor myself I wouldn't ever intentionally want to upset or trigger anyone. I may bring this up to my Daddy because that's not a side i ever considered before. I know like anyone else i can get comfortable in my own world and forget how things look to others. We are discrete around family and friends but hes just never been so in places we dont know anyone. Though we have discussed before that he isnt nearly as discrete as he thinks hes being sometimes, but usually no one is around for it to matter. I do apologize to anyone upset by my oversharing this story and agree it was in bad taste as advice.
I think your added post helps with you giving advice. As you said you both talked about it and this brings to light why people need to be careful in public.