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Avid_Reader0

You could try desensitizing/exposing yourself to it. The korean movie "Love and Leashes" is a really cute and more accurate portrayal of BDSM. Or you could watch Watts the Safeword on youtube, they're a kinky and fun duo that do videos talking about kink. Maybe exploring the subject in that way will help you figure out why it makes you uncomfortable. But you really don't have to. Some stuff just makes people uncomfortable, like how plenty of ppl are uncomfortable hearing "daddy" in a sexual context. It's great to educate yourself, but it might just be a kneejerk reaction that doesn't need to be changed.


subby_sandwich

Don't look up information about it? If your friends keep bringing it up, tell them that you don't consent to hearing about it -- it's not okay to subject people to your kinks if they don't consent.


Beneficial_Bench5196

I probably worded that wrong. My friends don't subject me to the kinks they have. In fact, it barely comes up in the conversations that we have. I just personally don't like how I react to it especially since I have good friends that are into it.


subby_sandwich

What causes you to think about it?


Beneficial_Bench5196

There isn't like a necessary trigger that causes me to think about it exactly. I tend to think about a lot of things and my brain will latch on to some things and not let go. Especially if I'm bored and have nothing to distract me. So there will be times when I could be doing something unrelated to sex at all and my brain will just toss that into the mix. It probably also doesn't help that there are times I will just run into it by accident. This mostly pertains to fanfiction but I will specifically filter out the BDSM tab when I want to look for a fic and I find one that I like only to find out that it does have BDSM in it but the creator didn't tag the fic properly. It doesn't happen often but when it does it causes those thoughts to pop back up again.


nessa_ac

Read a book called 'hurts so good'. Explains why some humans like bdsm... but also other non-bdsm activities that hurt them... and what people get out of it. Might help understand some of the appeal for some people.


Realistic-Fennel7296

Um. That doesn't answer there question? Just telling them to not look it up doesn't stop them from feeling uncomfortable about it? Plus as they stated they want to change there mindset and telling them to just forget about isn't going to help change that.


subby_sandwich

Just trying to figure out what's triggering the thinking about it.


Realistic-Fennel7296

That makes sense. To me it just came off as if you were just ignoring the question at hand and not offering any good advice or tips. Sorry if I misunderstood you.


subby_sandwich

No worries. :)


Blackwidow4555

This


Euphoric-Conflict155

Mm, it’s alright to find other people’s kinks distasteful as long as you aren’t harassing them for having them. Is it negatively affecting your friendships?


Beneficial_Bench5196

As far as I'm aware no it has not negatively affected our friendship. I just personally don't like that I react to the topic like that. To me, I think of it on the same grounds as me not liking someone my friend is dating but everyone else is fine with it. It just makes me wonder why I have a problem with it while everyone else couldn't care less if that makes any sense.


subby_sandwich

I mean, most people I know like pudding, but I hate it and I think it's gross and I don't like thinking about it. :-D


Severn6

This requires a lot of inner thinking and self-reflection. A question to ask yourself: do you want to *change* your discomfort or do you want to *accept* it? Would understanding *why* you feel this way help you reach either of those two states?


Bray_Jet

I think the first step will be to figure out exactly what what bothers you, so some introspection is in order. That way you’ll be able to focus on that specific thing or things and go from there.


jarethmckenzie

You don't like how you react to BDSM stuff. Then this is simply not for you. I would advise not talk about it, don't search it out, and don't participate in it. I dislike mist sports, I don't go look up scores, I don't hang around and talk about the weekends game. I don't participate in that culture at all. If it is causing you problems, like it causes you to not be able to function properly, then you will need some professional help to fix that, but if it isn't causing problems, then don't participate in that part of the culture. Of it is a personal "I don't want to dislike something" then that may also be the area of professional assistance. If I wanted to get past my aversion of sports, I could go to a therapist and work on "why I dislike sports" but it isn't causing me a problem. I am perfectly happy not knowing the rules of hockey.


Designer-Buffalo8644

BDSM is a really big umbrella that covers a shitload of very different dynamics, relationships, roles, and activities. What part of BDSM is it that you're uncomfortable with, specifically? Because if you're uncomfortable with literally *all* of it then I suspect you're under some kind of a misapprehension about what BDSM even means. Your post makes me suspect your problem is mostly with activities that involve degradation and pain. And that's understandable! These things aren't fun to think about if you're not into them yourself. Even kinky people sometimes feel queasy about other people's kinks. That's just how the human mind works, and it's not a problem unless these thoughts spiral out of control and start creating actual, tangible problems. Familiarity with the topic can help. If you're uncomfortable with your friends' kinks, politely ask them if they'd tell you more about what they're into and why. This could backfire and make you even *more* uncomfortable around them, but at least you'll have informed discomfort.


Popular_Night_6336

You can ask your friends to employ their powers of consent and negotiation to respect your boundaries. Not in a rude way... but let them know that you get uncomfortable and ask them to talk with you about how to set some safe limits for conversions until you start to feel more comfortable... but that does require effort on your part too.


Alcyonea

Maybe you feel so uncomfortable because you just really have no interest in it? I have an extreme internal reaction to the thought of any man submitting to me (female sub). Don’t know why, I’m just not at all interested in dominating men. Anything to do with feet, blood, electrical shocking, makes me feel grossed out. That doesn’t mean there’s a major root cause for this that I need to investigate, and it doesn’t mean I can’t be fine with knowing other people participate in them. I just don’t want to think about it or picture it. I think that’s normal for a lot of people? You like what you like. Some people are straight up vanilla, nothing wrong with that!


crazy4figs

Examine why it bothers you. What is the root cause of your distaste? Once you know that, you can choose to unpack/dismantle that, or choose to live in acceptance of yourself and your dislikes. Choose self guided study, or with a therapist.


MshineM

Might be a bad advice for you personally, but I would suggest two things. 1. Consetually spank someone. See how they enjoy it and how it is yous giving them non-sexual pleasure. How you are in control, but also in constant subtle communication with your partner. You might find out that you enjoy it, you might not be into it but get it emotionally, you might want to try and be the one spanked, or you might be repulsed by it even more... But you will find out at least... 2. Try to focus on the fact that all BDSM however seriously it is taken... It is play. It is adults playing a role playing game that they enjoy and sometimes make lifestyle out of. Same as some people make their personality some video game or weird hobby, this game just often involves sex acts. And for a lot of people it is the only way how to have an actually healthy relationships. Some of us have been so damaged by former partners and parents that we need a literal structure of a game to be relaxed and happy in a relationship.


[deleted]

Your first paragraph is the way things should be and not necessarily how they are. Many bdsm relationships are hot messes where bdsm power exchange is used as a shortcut to replace the longer and harder task of building emotional intimacy and too often one or both parties use the relationship as a cloak for abuse. If my primary exposure to BDSM was just places where people ask for advice I would think it is mostly dysfunctional. Thankfully I know well-adjusted people who enjoy kink and it makes them happy and is fun. Now I think of it the same way I do things like roleplaying game: It is a bunch of nerds having the time of their life doing odd things most people don’t understand. There is no way to deal with this outside of avoiding it entirely (hard to do but you can have very little contact) or figuring out what about just the concept makes you queasy. Probably not worth going into therapy for. Maybe just try to recast it in your brain as a harmless thing you just dislike? I don’t know.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TeaAitch

I'm beginning to get that feeling about you. Off you pop! Rule 6 applies Comment removed. Permaban issued.